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Botanical name is Clerodendrum thomsoniae. Love those crimson pearls about to be 'released' from its heart...or 'caught by love'? :)
This pic was taken in the shade, three days after the previous pic ...what a change in growth! More info
Beautiful bleeding heart dove (Gallicolumba luzonica) found at the Toronto Zoo. This gorgeous little feller did not shy from the large crowd--instead he struck a pose!
Always one of my favorite spring flowers. Reminds me of my child hood. My mom had bunches of these growing on the side of our house. These are from my garden in Candia NH.
- April 30, 2010
- I think this is one of Mother Nature's best creations. However, contact with the plant can cause skin irritation because the entire plant is toxic.
Sentir cada noche como profundiza mi dolor, si es que tantos palos en un año provocan mi temor, de volver a querer, confiar y sentir, volver a sentir que no estás aquÃ.
Derramo lágrimas como en aquella semana de pesadillas que se recreaban en mi cama, los llantos dejaban su huella en la almohada, tanto fingir aseguro que no sirve de nada... Si es que cada segundo que pasa noto tu ausencia si te vas, si es que sé que hasta que no vaya no te podré tocar, dulce tacto, cuando nuestras pieles entraron por primera vez en contacto, y será especial...
Part Seven- A New Start.....
I have heard this call before, and i knew something was horribly wrong.. You can sense in someone's tone and there voice that something horrible has occurred when there voice drops…. People tend to have a harder time giving hard news without feeling sad themselves… It always was a redeeming thing in this world to me… That some person that barely knows another person can immediately care for them in a split second… It's truly a beautiful thing about human beings…. He went on to tell me that my daughter was playing on the playground when she suddenly feel to the ground with no warning… He said no one had been pushing her or there was no physical contact with my daughter… We later found out that she had a seizure while playing on the slides…. She slid down the slide, and then just out of nowhere she began to seize up… It was extremely unexpected and surprising… She was fine but as a parent i began to worry that she would be forever picked on and how she would never be the same… She had test done at the hospital and we had to wait for the results for days and i remember being so extremely scared that something was horribly wrong in her brain…. 3 days passed and the tests results came back fine…. She would just have to take medicine to prevent such things from happening again but…. I began to worry about her brain losing it…. I know it was a very irrational thought but as a parent and as a husband who saw his wife slowly lose it… I began to be afraid… We went home and i kept watch on her 24/7… I refused to take her to school because i was afraid it could happen again at anytime and i couldn't be there to help my little girl…. I knew deep in my mind that she was in good hands at the school especially now but… I couldn't help but think what if…. What if i wasn't able to help again… These thoughts all rooted from the guilt i had apong me from not helping julia when she truly needed it… I still was blaming myself… Of course at the time i put that out of my mind that i was being irrational… I was a parent, and as one you must think about what can happen before it does happen…. Once julia passed i became more and more neurotic about things happening before they do…. It got so extreme that i didn't want to do anything that wasn't in my routine in fear of something going horribly wrong and it being my fault again…. But there was no way of predicting what would happen to my daughter… I mean how could i help? I think that part killed me the most… Is that i couldn't help before it happened… I felt useless once again and that feeling made me feel so lost…. My Daughter was fine and lifted continued on… She went back to school and two months would pass without any eventful things happening…. Until one day a very eventful thing happened… I was on duty exploring the trials when i stumbled upon a wounded deer… It appeared that a hunter had shot the deer but didn't kill it… I was furious because hunting was strongly illegal in parks let alone national parks….. I walked up to the dying deer and she had been breathing so heavily…. I could tell that it just recently happened…. I did hear a loud noise before but i just assumed it was the shitty weather and a loud thunder had happened… I mean i have never heard a gunshot before in my life… So i didn't have a keen ear for it…. I looked down at this poor soul and just thought back to when julia passed…. At that exact moment i knew that this was just a deer and not the one i love the most… but it was hard for me to not get connected…. I began to tear up as i knew this poor dear was suffering… It was shot near the neck and was slowly bleeding out… You known when an animal is in pain when they don't mind you approaching them… The deer looked me in the eyes as if it wanted me to help it…. I knew i couldn't at this point… This killed me…. I had a pocket knife and a small pistol… We forest rangers needed protection in case of emergency… As i said before i have never used or really heard a gun before so i was even afraid of pulling the thing out of its holster… But i needed to muster up my little courage... The poor thing was in so much pain and there was no saving it… At least that's what i tell myself every single night i think about… I loaded the pistol and i put the pistol up to the deer's head, and then i pulled the trigger looking as far away as i could…. I began to cry because i felt as if it was my fault… If i would've followed the noise early on…. I reported into the station and told them what that last gun shot was… They actually understood… and respected my decision to put it out of its mercy… But that didn't help my extreme guilt…. No matter what people say a deer, a fish… A human… It's all life… and when you take that life from something living it, it horrifies you… That poor deer probably had a family and kids, and i know i sound ridiculous blabbering on and on about a deer that was probably nothing to you or the next person… But i had to kill it, and that means it was attached to me… It life was in my hands and i had to take it away… I knew years later that i made the morally right choice, but that didn't help… Morally right or not… I had to take a life and that is something that is hard to deal with…. I remember it's poor sad eyes… I don't understand how a human being could hunt these animals or any at all…. It's a life and every life is precious…. Why take that away from them? The forest preserve job wasn't to exciting for the most part but I did learn that the animals around us rangers grew a extreme trust that they wouldn't break… I remember I saw a wounded crow once and I ran up and me and fellow ranger fixed his wing and cared for him while he got better…. The next weeks any time a squirrel or any thing got close to us the crows would flock…. They wouldn't hurt the creatures that trusted us but they would keep a keen eye making sure that it wouldn't harm us… Truly amazing how the crows cared for someone who cared for them… And that was just a animal… It truly gave me hope that people could care for people they didn't know like Julia or my daughter.. Or even me.. If an animal could care that much then so could we… It always gave me hope… Weeks would pass and my daughter would go back to school and I would finally calm down… Johnny started to do good in football and just before my eyes my kids were growing up fastly…. But so was I…. For once in my life I actually felt like things were back to normal… I would see my friends at the bar and restaurants every once and a while and we would talk about the past…. I started to help the earth and I was starting to move on from the hardest moment in my life… My kids would now ask me since it had been almost a year later if I would ever find the one again… I would laugh and say I already did… They of course didn't understand me not being with someone… But I just couldn't do it… I couldn't have them have a another mother… Because… Because I didn't want them to forget their actual mother… I know that seems extremely selfless to not only them but to me… But I didn't think that was fair to Julia… And I was still in love with her… It would have to be a long time till I moved on… That's if I ever will… More and more weeks would pass and before I knew it… It was the one year anniversary of Julia's passing…. I refused to leave the house on that horrible day… Refusing to accept the fact that she had been gone for so long… It's not something a human like myself or any in general can take in…. That one minute someone is here and the next… What? There just gone… It didn't make sense and it made me very hateful for a very long time… The anniversary of Jules passing was one that was supposed to be a Gathering of the family and we would think back on all the great things Jules did and how she was a amazing women… But I knew if I went there that it would be truly over… If we start to think about the past that means that we can't have a future… There wasn't anything new to say at her anniversary and I knew it… So I didn't go…. I couldn't handle the fact that she was gone even a year later… It purely wasn't fair to me… People would call me a selfish prick for years saying I never cared about Julia in the first place… The ones who came down the hardest on me were Julia's parents… They were used to a perfect life.. And they thought Julia was a perfect daughter and when she did what she did that threw their whole world for a loop… They were old and just mean people who wanted to place blame on someone anyone… And they decided that they would put their pain on the person who probably took it the worst…. Me… Thank god they lived a ways away because I truly couldn't deal with them after the anniversary…. I wasn't angry with them though… I knew how they had felt and I was feeling it at the time and I knew that I would handle it the same if it was my daughter who did this… It's sad that they will never know how much I did truly care…. They will never know how many times a week I went to graveyard to visit with Julia and to catch up…. I would cry and I would feel like death after each visit but I knew deep down all that pain that I was feeling was so damn worth it… Just to speak to Julia… It's a shame that they died thinking I was a shitty husband to Julia…. I live with the quilt each and every day of how I couldn't Change there mind… Not even a little… I wanted to so badly but they just wouldn't hear it…. I couldn't blame myself for that…. But I did… It wasn't my fault that they were defiant to the situation that was truly going on… And when they finally came to terms with what had happened… They couldn't handle the pain so they angled it all at me thinking this was all my fault… There was no convincing them… It was like convincing a brick wall to move for you… It just wouldn't fucking happen…. So I finally gave up… I had many nights up late crying thinking that this was all my fault and having them blame me on top of it was just the breaking point… I couldn't handle it… So I blocked out her side of the family out of pure safety of my own sanity…. I took everything they did and everything said to heart and it was killing me horribly… So I decided to push them away…. It sounds selfish because at the end of the day they we're just grieving parents who didn't know how to channel their emotions but I was in the same situation that they were in… And I had enough going against me at that time and that was one more thing that was just going to weigh me down until I would've drowned… So I decided to block their numbers and never answer the door when they came to the house…. I just couldn't deal with the tongue lashing… But I could only prevent that for so long… They would become relentless and sooner or later I knew what I would have to do… I would have to mob away from my hometown.. It was the only way to get away from them and from the memories that were haunting me…. So months would pass of the same knocking once per week and after a while I got used to it…. Right when that happened the house sold… It was moving day 5 months after Julia's anniversary… It was finally time for a new start… A…. A… A new life….
Day 80: When I was little we used to call these 'Love Lies Bleeding', which I always prefer to the other name of 'Bleeding Hearts'... which sounds like someone getting the wrong suit in a game of cards:
Card player 1: What have you got?
Card player 2: Bleeding Hearts.
21st March 2011
I gave a quick demo the other night on stacked monoprints... this was the result.
there will be more of these bleeding heart doves showing up in my art. they are fascinating birds.
5 June 2007
Aren't cell phone cameras great? For example, they can allow me to take a picture of my chin as it bleeds everywhere.
I took one without the baindaid, but (much to your relief, I'm sure), it came out too blurry.
Anyway, this is me lying in the doctor's office, waiting for stitches.
Leona Lewis on the set of her new video "Bleeding Love". She is wearing a 100k crystal dress and a Dolce & Gabbana metal belt.