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this is an old 365 shot that i didn't end up using. but, i saved it for my TtV series.
it's part of my entry into Artists Wanted's Self Portrait contest that is going on right now.
you can view my entry here. if you like, you can even vote for me. i'm a late entry, so i don't really stand a chance for any kind of people's choice award, but its fun nonetheless.
steve buchemi is one of the judges!
does anyone else enter any photography competitions? this is my third and i enjoy preparing the entries, even if i don't expect to win!
"He who does not enjoy solitude will not love freedom". ~ Arthur Schopenhauer
We all need a little private space now and then!!
I am wondering if 2015 could possibly be the year that I take Helene to a new level. So far since I began cross-dressing fifteen years ago, then age 41 with much smoother skin, I have transformed into my female alter-ego mainly in privacy and usually alone. I have rarely net another transvestite. I did venture out in public very briefly in 2002 but soon lost my nerve and since then have felt queasy at the prospect of going out in public while dressed as a woman.
I'm aware I have been fortunate enough to be complimented on my appearance when attempt the art of female illusion. My problem is I cannot quite see myself as others do, I feel a complete failure in my efforts but I’m not gloomy or down, far from it. I feel elation and joy and love to be dressed as a woman. I just feel I don’t actually look remotely feminine in any way. I wish I did.
However, I feel my fears on venturing out starting to recede somewhat more because I so enjoy the rare occasions I become Helene that part of myself is desiring to actually spend time actually being her out in the world. There is an enthusiasm starting to build within me.
The adorable and supportive Pamela Lennon has encouraged me for several years now and I am grateful to her. Another T-Girl, Claire Doolan, has also been encouraging me and I am grateful to her as well. The warm hearted Amanda McG has been truly wonderful and has really boosted my confidence considerably recently.
I now find myself musing on what I will wear and how I will style my wig for the day I venture out….there, I’ve said it…venture out…
Yes, I am now musing over the prospect and I’m not quite as fearful as I was. My problem is I genuinely want to be perceived as female not male. I do not want to be a man dressed up i want to be a woman completely when I venture out. Obviously, this is down to me getting the look right, getting my behaviour and mannerisms right and coming across convincingly as female. I want this so much I feel momentum to g through with it pushing me within.
I often hear remarks such as don’t worry about passing, just be who you are. Well who I am is a man that seeks to pass, that’s what I dream of. I don’t ant anything else. I want to go out and portray myself as a woman wholeheartedly for the period I am dressed and acting as one. It’s my goal. I‘m not keen on just settling for a lesser experience I have been heading for this one for all of my adult life.
This is a picture taken on the camera self timer last June. It was evening and I was trying my utmost to create a real world female appearance. To be honest I felt rather nice and excited in this outfit. I was aiming for a feminine nicely dressed woman look with (hopefully) nice enhancing make-up and a shorter contemporary hair style. I am not very tall as a person and my face is quite bland with a weak chin (all good for me as a transvestite). I feel a shorter hair style back combed helps create a slightly more elegant shape to my whole body shape. More importantly, I find when I wear a shorter wig style I feel more feminine, it feels more real to me than the favoured transvestite choices of long hair styles. Some aces suit longer hair but I find a shorter wig opens up my face ore and is a bit more feminine as a result.
I usually study real women that look stylish and feminine and I noticed the key is choosing a hair style that works with ones facial shape not necessarily a hair style one wants to wear because as transvestites it fits more our perceived ideal of how a woman should look.
I believe fervently that discovering what works and looks female is the key to succeeding in creating a convincing female appearance. We usually pursue a goal of that which we like, which is fair enough, one should be free to enjoy what they like, but often that does not mean it is going to work out for the best. My mantra for several years is ‘be the woman you can be, not the woman you want to be’.
If you are keen to become a convincing looking woman then being willing to have an open approach is the best way to proceed in my personal view. It’s all bot getting the mix right and finding the right combinations of styles and make-up application. So often transvestites just put on things in a hotchpotch manner and don’t apply their make-up with any kind of direction to making the most of feminising one’s face. Cross-dressing is fun but you if you seek to pass then some discipline and direction needs to be adhered to of one wishes to look realistically like a woman. It is an art form and becoming skilled in the art of illusion is a skill worth mastering.
I would suggest one does not become too drab and dowdy, nice clothes are out thee for women of all ages, why blend in so much one is invisible. I know my vanity likes the feeling of being admired as a woman. I like the idea of being seen as feminine and (hopefully) attractive and if at all possibly, stylishly dressed. I would enjoy admiring glances for these reasons. It is what I call the right kind of attention. I know many women certainly enjoy admiring attention. As Helene I too would like that.
I suppose Helene frees up suppressed flamboyant aspects of my persona. The dressing up, the make-up, the hair, the click of the heels, the swish f hem on a dress…yes, I want to catch peoples eye but I know it is all just down to my vanity. I do feel more emboldened as a woman so I wonder just how I will become once I have ventured out on a few occasions? Will the dam break? Will I thrive on being Helene the woman out an about? I cannot help feeling I will probably get completely at home with the persona, something within me feels sure of this though I cannot say why.
I’ve reached the point now in my life where women I see and admire and who are quietly confident and draw the admiring glances of both men and women have inspired me to the cusp of I too want to become one of them (albeit part time). I want to be waking along in a tailored skirt suit, legs on display clad in nude coloured tights, feet swathed in stylish high heel court shoes, a perfectly ironed tailored blouse and precisely applied make-up and a beautifully styled wig with my nails painted and a fragrant air of perfume. Yes indeed, I really would like to be such a woman.
Will I finally become such a woman?
This year? Maybe…
66764 trundles over the ungated Thorpe crossing with 6D16 West Burton power station to Ferrybridge conveying gypsum for the Siniat Drywall factory.
During this lockdown, I have undertaken to try and capture every variety of bird that frequents my garden. This Pied wagtail is a daily visitor.
I don't consider myself a wildlife photographer, but I couldn't resist setting up my camera to catch these guys frolicking in the bird bath!
Safely out of reach from emails and phone calls, clients and deadlines, computers and software issues.
I can’t think of a better place to be.
From the lower deck of our room you can descend into the warm knee-deep water, stroll as far as you like, and stare at the southern sky from a sand bar. If you’re carrying food the tropical fish will follow you all the way.
It seems hard for a couple of tree frogs to find a private moment, even on the depths of the rain forest, when photographers go on a "night walk".
(60.00N, 30.00E)MCMLXXI
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What does not matter ?
1.What to photograph - Camera.
2.Where to photograph - Place.
3.When to photograph -Time.
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What is important ?
1.Study and tune the camera.
2.Learn where you are going.
3.Study the lighting at different times.
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What's the secret?♀️
1.Feel the instrument, hear what it says.
2.Feel the atmosphere of the place, catch the wave.
3.Switch on .Catch the moment!⚡️
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Make a choice!
✨Finding the observer, comes awareness!✨
Third build in my homemaker series. A bit of a repeat with the honey tiles but they just went really well with the light yellow duplo tub. To bring in some new colours I choose to add some minty pastels. Really happy with the over all presentation and my favourite parts are the hanger, the shower curtains and the drain pipe below the sink.
LRWY-1 crosses one of the many private crossings along US-220 as they continue north through Milan in Northeast PA.