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A photo taken in early October 2010 of me dressed up as a woman. If I’m honest, I was thrilled to be wearing a skirt, make-up on my face, high heel shoes and a wig and trying to project a vibe of being female. Not the usual activity for most men!
Why do I like dressing up as a woman despite being a man? Well, I just tell myself it’s because I’m a transvestite! I feel the desire to dress in women’s clothes and wear make-up and try and actually look like a female is something that is programmed within us as other wise why would we put up with the risks and the fears many of us experience with our transvestism?
In my case I feel compelled, a deep need to cross-dress as a woman and emotionally, despite the negative aspects, the concerns and the secrecy I feel real elation and joy when I do dress up as a woman. I feel a part of me needs to free this desire and express it. This is why I am a man that likes to become a woman, it’s fundamental to who I am. The bottom line is I like pretending I’m female. I say pretend because I can never be a woman. I can try to look and act like one but I will never know the reality of being a woman. I’m a superficial parody despite a part of me wishing I was female. It all comes down to I am a man dressing up and engaging in gender illusion and not too successfully when it comes to it!
I have a lot of fun and excitement cross-dressing and I do find it rather erotic in nature yet I also feel a comfort on a deep level when I try to pass myself off as a woman, it kind of feels good and close to me emotionally, it releases something I feel I missed being. It’s a taste but not the real thing.
Cross-dressing lets me experience just about everything from amazing to very worrying and challenges me as a person to confront myself and admit who I am. Who I am is a man that is happy as a man with a caveat, I’m happy as a man most of the time but a very definite part of me wishes to spend part of my time as a woman. I want both not one exclusively. I need to be both genders and this also concerns me. Why is not so straightforward, why am I having these desires and motivations? I have no idea! none! All I know is the exist within me and it has taken me literally decades to come to terms with them.
Dressing up as a woman could destroy my life, I could lose everything if I were too reckless with it all so why don’t I just stop and ensure there is no jeopardy? The answer for me is because I cannot, I have to set free the transvestite aspect of myself now an again to be a complete person, to be true to myself.
I find that if I can manage the desire I can minimise the risks and potential upsets band still achieve that sense of fulfilment and ease the need I have to engage in my transvestism. For me the way to cope is to maintain perspective on reality and acknowledge the true priorities in my life are my responsibilities to those that I committed to, my wife and family and not put them in a position of peril just because I love to wear a dress and make-up and pretend I’m a woman.
I am a fortunate man in that though I rarely get an opportunity to cross-dress as a woman, my family are aware I have a need to do so and tolerate it albeit there is no involvement. For me it is a very private experience becoming my female alter-ego Helene, she is able to emerge on rare occasions but only when I am alone and unlikely to be disturbed by anyone.
Managed to hook up and tune a 1990 Sega Master System II to a 2016 Samsung flat screen TV this afternoon. Alex Kidd lives again!
Managed to get a shot of four goldfinches at the feeder. There are actually two more young ones - but they're waiting in the trees.
Just managed to capture this Green Fritillary before it flew off near Birling Gap, East Sussex - July 2015.
Managed to do that a little last weekend for a short while, Sadly this weekend is looking a little unsettled.
So wet and chilly tomorrow means a day indoors doing a little decorating and then maybe Sunday will brighten up a little so as i can get a sun dress on again.
I got one of these multi way dresses today from a charity shop, glad i never spent good money on one. OK they aren't bad but they aren't good either.
Maybe over the weekend i will take a few photos of me wearing it a number of different ways, Think it would work better with proper boobs
I finally managed to come across a Wisconsin Northern train, which is weird considering the zero effort I’ve put in to it… Happenstance found us crossing paths with this southbound tied down for the holiday weekend outside New Auburn Wi. This former Reserve Mining sd38-2 looks pretty nice in its MNS inspired Progressive Rail paint scheme. Might just need to get off my ass this spring and make an actual effort to catch these guys in action.
Managed to get two images of this unknown new 21 plate bus. Trucks going the other way blocked the view on my other shots, so pleased I got something.
Posted for curiosity value is the only shot of a green liveried class 27 I managed to get. Seen here at Glasgow Queen Street about to head off into the tunnel is 27001. A little on the blurred side too after an energetic sprint to the end of the platform .........22nd August 1974.
See also a subsequent shot in blue livery……
Still got the old back problem so haven't done much this past week and I am getting so grumpy.
I did manage to pop into town yesterday and ended up buying a fab prom dress for a tenner. I was intending on doing some photos but things wouldn't allow it to happen (lack of movement)
This is pretty much how I look in normal life the only makeup being my eyes one eyebrow and my cheek. nothing on my lower jaw, top lip, chin or nose, My hair is getting long enough to pull back with just about enough to make the front ok. Have to say I would benefit from a fringe piece and will most probably get one once I decide what colour my hair be.
Managed to catch the movie last night finally :D After seeing the movie i realized how terribly out of shaped my previous version of Obsidian Fury was. Also a big thanks to those who gave me feedback on the head. Did some changes and reverted back to my original draft of it ^^
Build Video on youtube youtu.be/fkUWLzD9wfE
After we gently relocated all of the floating bots at the Four Seasons Cafe to one corner, we settled in for another coffee and a chat.
I don't think we rated this one, but I'd give it a 6/10 for providing some extra entertainment.
Managed to pick up another of these so did a quick combined build while having a break from Malibu Mansion MK3. Intend to make a wider/deeper/taller version after seeing the film for more interior & ground floor detail. Just had to maker it 'tower'...
Managed to find a few fishermen (some feathered and some not) trying their luck down on the river banks so I plonked myself down and took in the action for an hour or so. This cruiser kept everyone honest while reeling in their catch looking ready to pounce on them and make them it’s own.
Managed to capture both male and female Sparrowhawks at Millers wood today, really pleased it was me photographing them for a change.
you can read more on my Website/Blog at: www.johnstantonphotography.co.uk/sparrowhawk-on-patrol/
I managed to squeeze in the comet 62P/Tsuchinshan (on the left) and supernova SN2024gy in NGC4216 (brightest on the right) into the same frame. The supernova is the star like object just to the left of the core of the galaxy.
Taken with StellaLyra 6 inch f4 newtonian reflector, TS Superflat GPU coma corrector, Nikon Zii on an AZEQ6 mount. Stack made from a total of 30 frames, 15 seconds each, ISO 5,000, light frames only, no flats or darks. Stacked and processed in Affinity Photo 2.
So it's been over three years since this girl managed to get out in the real world for a fun femme outing. During the Covid outbreak I chose to be abundantly cautious, and frankly getting all dolled up only to don a mask was not appealing to me. The last year or so I've dealt with some medical issues that made it impossible to be on my feet longer than an hour or so. So it's not been the greatest of times, lots of standard boring photo shoots around the farmstead.
I purchased tickets for this event a couple months ago in hopes I could pull it off knowing it would be only six weeks into my surgery recovery. It's the annual Big Band Xmas show with the Kansas City Jazz Orchestra, this year at Liberty Hall in Lawrence, KS. I even managed to orchestrate a "date" as my best buddy of forty or so years Mr. Mike insisted I needed a gentleman escort.
I used to do stuff like this several times a year, but after this long hiatus I must admit to being pretty rusty. Silly me, I could have chosen something a little less daunting for a first outing...perhaps late night grocery shopping in a nearly vacant store. Nope, went right into the deep end in a theater packed with about a thousand people.
Anyway it was a fabulous experience, great music, good companionship and even a couple glasses of wine during the show. Lots of lovely women dressed very nicely, so I did not feel out of place in a sparkly dress and high heels. It didn't hurt that Lawrence is a college town and a very accepting kind of community...I'm not the first Transgender person people here have interacted with.
All in all an amazing evening, and now the genie is back out of the bottle.
This shot is from last weekend at Austinmer, for one reason or another I never got around to uploading it to flickr until now.
I had to traverse a rocky platform up to my knees in seawater to get around to see this perspective on a deep crack in the shelf. I managed to keep the tripod still enough as a wave pushed up through the gap and spilled over the edge and came gushing past me. luckily I managed to time my exposure just right to capture the motion of the water just as I now remember it in my mind.
If you have a few minutes, swing by my blog for more at: www.stevearnoldphoto.com
Cheers!
Managed to correct the height error, still need to replace the reddish brown 1x2 technic bricks with tan ones but still have to order those, I keep forgetting. Almost out of tan 2x2’s too and other parts are in tan that I’m starting to get low on stock
Managed to find where the small flock of Bee-eaters that were flying over the villa was going to feed of an evening.
We managed to see (literally) hundreds of eagles today from all age groups looking to score some food. When there are so many around it is not uncommon for family members to stick together and battle through as a team as the parents teach the young how to fight and defend territory.
Most of these are transient eagles that will be gone by March and only the nesting locals will remain. I was just happy to be able to keep a low ISO and a fast shutter speed today and hang out with some really cool people, some I have not seen for a while so thanks for the time!
******All photos copyright Tony Joyce and CANNOT be used on ANY blogs or websites (inc. Reddit) without my written permission.******
January 9th, 2015 - Risso's Dolphin Slaughter
The Cove runs red with the blood of the innocent for the second consecutive day in Taiji. Cove Guardians documented as the heartbreaking events unfolded before them.
At Approximately 9:25am local Japan time the killing fleet spotted a pod of Risso's dolphins and wasted no time in falling into a drive formation that pushed the family to their ultimate demise. Just off shore part of the killing boats tore away from the main drive to pursue what appeared to be a second pod. It seemed that the killers were merging the two pods together and that the second pod was thankfully able to evade the killers before they were merged into one pod.
After the dolphins were forced against their will into the the main cove they desperately clung close together in terror. Two of the Risso's got themselves entangled in the nets in an attempt to escape but the killers were relentless and forced them back into the killing cove. At one point one of the dolphins actually managed to escape only to fight it's way back through the nets, unwilling to leave it's loved ones behind.
There were four juveniles that had to witness their family slaughtered today before being heartlessly dumped out at sea to fend for themselves. There is very little chance the babies will survive after having to endure so much stress and terror, now swimming alone in the waters just offshore where their families were last seen alive.
11 lives were lost today but they were not alone and we will always be here to expose the atrocities to the world until the slaughter ends – at Taiji, Japan.
Sites for more information :
Sea Shepherd Cove Guardians Page (official)
www.facebook.com/SeaShepherdCoveGuardiansOfficialPage
Cove Guardians
www.seashepherd.org/cove-guardians
Photo: Sea Shepherd
from our garden
This is a bush rose which has managed to reach the hight of our bungalow roof
THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR FAVS AND LOVELY COMMENTS. THEY ARE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED
An image already posted but re visited for a bit of tweaking. This is just about the best I could manage.
D601 Ark Royal was the first Warship class to be built to serve the WR aspirations for lightweight fast running engine locos that were diesel hydraulics rather then diesel electric.
Unfortunately the dream didn't get put into practice with this "battleship" design which was anything but lightweight and - being picky - Ark Royal was an aircraft carrier anyway.
So, suitably miffed no doubt, WR tried again themselves and apparently cancelled the next one which was - also apparently - to be called Eagle.
Swindon produced what was wanted and NBL got to produce the "proper" version too although NBL products had the MAN engine as a power plant.
The claim is that the Swindon ones were much better, and that NBL products, even the Scottish Type 2 diesel electric version, were not really up to scratch.
Who knows? The original Warships were soon relegated to secondary work with a move to South Wales that didn't prove popular as they soon came back.
At that point their fate was sealed along with the early version of the Swindon type as they were different to the rest.
That view applied to all the WR fleet eventually and the lot went to the scrapyard unless saved for preservation.
Not one NBL version was saved although one nearly was, and as a pointer to the possible quality of NBL types, the Scottish diesel electric versions were soon scrapped too.
Three different Warship brands and then the Class 50's [tweaked to improve their somewhat questionable reputation] joined the Warship club when they were named mostly after Warships. That said, I don't think Sir Edward Elgar was a Warship. BR's only 100mph Type 4 diesel became a success story.
Perhaps their claim to fame over speed was beaten - stories of earlier Warship types going well over 100mph circulated before such antics were curtailed on account of the ride quality of the loco bogies.
[Perhaps it was a diesel version of City of Truro. If so, the claim of 105mph was remarkably similar!]
Not bad for a 90mph loco design. So far no one seems to have touted a tottering duff having achieved 100mph and over and they were a 95mph loco. Given that they could turn up on a Deltic diagram and fail to keep to time maybe it was a step too far.
So, back to the slowly deteriorating hulk at Woodham's Yard. She lasted there for ages bit no one secured her even for a static exhibit. Shame really.
I managed to re-find my Water Pipit this week but it wasn't as cooperative this time. But I did manage to take an unusual wing-stretch shot that I thought was different enough to upload. Any photograph of a Water Pipit is a prize as they are scarce winter visitors to Britain, and they are notoriously skittish. Though this photograph might be better as a mystery bird photograph as it is unhelpfully concealing the diagnostic clinchers for its identification, namely its dark legs and unstreaked back. When I started birdwatching people didn't pay much attention to them because they were considered a race of Rock Pipit, but a taxonomic split in 1986 gave them full species status and people then started to take an interest. Water Pipits breed in the high alpine zone of mountains in southern Europe, descending to lower altitudes in winter. (A different subspecies breeds across the mountains of Asia). According to BTO about 200 spend the winter in Britain. They winter in freshwater wetland habitats in Britain, showing a preference for watercress beds. Ringing has shown that individual Water Pipits can return to the same wintering site for three, even four winters. Though ringing has also shown that they can move between winters, with one moving from Surrey to Hampshire.
On top of Whistlefield Hill looking west.
On my to-do list is to come back one day and do this shot again at sunset
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Teaching a Patreon visiting London from California. He had his Leica M11, I was using my Leica SL. Basia modelling for us. Nasty weather but we still managed a few nice photos.
Here I was teaching how to use natural light for flattering portraits as we walked around London trying to shelter from the wind and rain. (My full model photography eBook should be out in the next few months. Get the free intro eBook on the blog if interested).
Leica SL + Leica Summitar 5cm f2 + Leica M9 preset
(I was shooting film too - Nikon FM3a + motor drive + Nikkor 50mm f1.2 AIS @ f2)
Follow the blog for more film content! bit.ly/3OLE37t
A couple weeks ago we rode our bikes to the Hayward Shoreline. We went to Frank's Dump to look for interesting shorebirds at high tide. Not much going on so I rode further down to look for Snowy Plovers. I finally spot one in the marsh and stop my bike. Something caught my eye to the left and there was a beautiful Red-tailed Hawk just sitting in the bush very close to me.
I fumbled to get my camera out figuring it would fly off but I was lucky to assemble it and get some shots. It was totally distracted by something in the coyote bush and completely ignored the Barn Swallows that were dive-bombing it. Suddenly, it flew up and dove into the bush but when it came up with nothing it hovered on the trail RIGHT in front of me just before flying off.
I still managed to get my Snowy Plover shot, too :) What a day.
It still bugs me that I can't embed private photos into comments without flooding my stream with photos.
My first glimpse of Lubbers was a delightful surprise! Each morning I walk the same route through my neighborhood and that day for the first time, there were tiny navy blue hoppers scrambling along the edges and valleys of a sunlit Agave.
I had no experience taking pictures of insects in general, or these tiny creatures in particular, so their sudden appearance opened up a new world for me. And I must confess, macro-shooting them day by day made me fall in love with them and their life cycle. Every morning, I walked past that spot and the fun began! Those little navy hoppers ate and ate and grew larger and larger. Once they finished off the tender green Agave, they moved over to a nearby Crinum Lily which looked worse and worse as they devoured it leaf by leaf.
Then one morning I discovered something new… one of my navy Lubbers had turned to gold.. and grown much larger! Was this a female and were the navy ones males, or what? The researcher in me went into action, urged on by the fact that lots of you seemed to be curious too!
Like all grasshoppers, Eastern Lubbers molt, as nymphs, through successive stages or instars. Lubbers go through a total of five instars of 15 to 20 days each before molting to the golden adult stage. So I had one of my answers… the golden one was simply more mature… a later instar or shed.
I found my Lubbers to be amazingly friendly… coming out to see me when I couldn’t see them… even in the rain. Peeking around leaves to make sure I was still there. Not hopping away when I took their picture, even though my flash was clearly annoying them.
Females, I learned, begin laying eggs during the summer months. After mating, they use the tip of their abdomen to dig a small hole in a suitable patch of soil. At a depth of about two inches, she deposits up to 50 eggs in a light foamy froth. Each female lays from one to three egg masses which remain in the ground through late fall and winter and begin hatching in March. The young Lubbers crawl up out of the soil and congregate on food sources in the area the female Lubber has wisely chosen for them.
Over the winter, my Lubbers were gone. Last winter was unusually cold so instead of hatching in March, I didn’t see any until early April. But then they were back... tiny navy ones by the thousands overnight! Knowing more about their life cycle, I watched their progress more carefully. And even managed to capture pictures of them actually shedding their skin!
For more see my set, Lubbers egg to shed.
Eastern Lubber, Romalea microptera
Crinum Lily
Those little black specks in the distance are bison.
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Big Basin Prairie Preserve
Wildlife Area Information
Historical Information
The Big Basin Prairie Preserve is 1,818 acres of native mixed grass prairie managed by the Kansas Department of Wildlife and Parks. This area is in the Red Hills region of Kansas. The landscape can generally be described as rolling hills with both level uplands and small canyons. The preserve also includes an intermittent stream , Keiger Creek, which flows through the northeast corner of the preserve, and two non-draining basins that make the preserve topographically and geologically unique.
Big Basin:
Big Basin is a large circular depression. It is about one mile in diameter and about 100 feet deep. The walls of the basin are nearly vertical. Scattered across the floor of Big Basin are a number of small ephemeral ponds that catch and temporarily hold the water that flows into the basin. U.S. Highway 283 bisects Big Basin, with approximately two-thirds of the basin lying east of the road and within the confines of the preserve. The remaining western third of the basin is privately owned.
Little Basin:
The Little Basin is about 280 yards in diameter and 35 feet from rim to floor. Within Little Basin is a small permanent pond known as St. Jacob’s Well. St. Jacob’s Well is a pool of water about 84 feet in diameter that has never been known to go dry. The well has been the subject of many local legends, most associated with the idea that the well was bottomless and/or connected to an underground stream that was capable of washing away anything that fell in the well. The well was also reportedly inhabited by blind fish. Research has shown the well to be roughly funnel shaped and 58 feet deep. No evidence of any underground stream or blind fish has been found.
Big Basin, Little Basin, and St. Jacob’s Well were formed in the recent geological past by a process known as solution-subsidence. This process occurs when surface water gains access and dissolves underground deposits of salt, gypsum, or limestone. The overlaying layers of rock and minerals subside to fill the volume vacated by the water soluble deposits. The process of solution - subsidence is thought to still be occurring, and small depressions have been noted forming within Little Basin.
Managed to make it to London Pride again, with my pal sisyphus007. This time I hired a Canon 85mm f/1.2L II lens, an absolute brick that was in itself a workout to carry round. Was perhaps a bit too ambitious in my determination to shoot with as wide an aperture as possible. When I hit the right focus point it was sharp, but I did find the focussing to be a little cumbersome.
As ever, the day was characterised by fun, happiness and laughter. The participants were, without fail, delighted to be photographed. Hopefully they all enjoyed the day !!
Managed some damselflies and now a butterfly, things were definitely getting better!!
Much more fun viewed large.
Thank you for your favourites. :O)
-Urk. Managed to somehow redesign the Re-GM II. And I'm not sure if I like it... :s
-Fits a fig.
-The legs have increased maneuverability because of twin knee joints.
-Inspired by one of Squieu's frames.
-Hand design is the same as my Re-Seraph which was in turn based off one of Squieu's designs. :)
-The vents on the torso were achived with stickers.
-Once I get my hands on more ball joints, clips, and T-bars I plan to upgrade the joints. Some are quite fragile in terms of how they're connected to the rest of the frame. :I
Finally managed to get out and meet girlfriends on a couple of occasions but now we are in Tier 2 that will be back on hold I guess. Thought I'd post this one of me in a cab to emphasise the lengths we girls have to go to just to enjoy some much needed girl time. Hope you are all keeping safe.
Managed to sneak up pretty close to this Heron before it spotted me and took to the air, E-M1/100-300mm.
Press L for a larger and nicer view :-)
Managed to get a macro shot of Lily with both eyes wide open.
Reposted for Macro Mondays theme "Mostly White"
HMM
Manage to capture this Egret flying over what appears to be a desert landscape but what it was was some reddish plant growth covering the surface of the water. Can you can tell I'm not a Botanist !! :-)
Thanks to fellow Flickr Togger Archie McCafferty for doing a great job in coercing this Egret to take off across the pond, for me to be able to capture this image.
No form of cruelty to the bird happened during the coercing :-))))
Managed to squeeze in sweet potatoes, Brussels sprouts, carrots, red onion, yellow crookneck squash and zucchini
Photos from the Performance of the Ann Arbor Dance Classics Benefit Concert at the Saline High School on Sunday March 19, 2017. These are taken from my stage managing perch at Stage Right.
I didn't manage to get out at the weekend, so I thought I would post some images of my favourite finding from last year.
Some links to my previous shots and below, in the comments, are a couple more new ones.
www.flickr.com/photos/mozboz1/8747166175/
www.flickr.com/photos/mozboz1/8747057577/