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"Stalk-eyed flies are insects of the fly family Diopsidae. The family is distinguished by the possession of eyestalks: projections from the sides of the head with the eyes at the end. Some fly species from other dipteran families such as the Drosophilidae and Tephritidae carry similar structures but the unique character of the Diopsidae is that the antennae are carried next to the eye at the end of the stalk. A rather remarkable feature of stalk-eyed flies is the ability of the males to ingest air through their oral cavity, and pump it through ducts in the head and through to the tips of the stalks, thereby elongating them. This is prevalent especially in mating season. There are several hundred species in the family, with the greatest diversity found in the Old World tropics They are distributed throughout the region, with the best known species being from South-East Asia and Southern Africa. " freebase.com
Dirk was an old time soldier who had served for the garden in the last bug wars, he was a military hero with many medals pinned across his thorax. Despite the occasional parasitic infestation, he remained popular with the lady flies and was always in demand. He had a stern appearance and hardly ever smiled, I couldn't understand this until I was told this story by one of his recent conquests. You see, Dirk played on his reputation a bit and travelled the garden to new areas looking for lady flies to notch on his bedpost. His favourite trick was to stand alone, looking gloomy, medals gleaming waiting for patriotic attention from attentive females.
"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?" said a rather attractive and buxom young lady fly as she walked towards him.
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature." replied Dirk
The young lady looked fly at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."
Dirk just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his hairy abdomen and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."
Dirk said in his most serious voice, after glancing at his breitling , "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."