View allAll Photos Tagged Realizations
Hindu Salvation is known as SELF REALIZATION ....meaning realizing one is indeed the immortal soul (Atman ) within the body and relinguishing the false belief that one is the perishable material body.
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What is Hindu Salvation?
Hindu Salvation is the process by which a person realizes that he/she is NOT the perishable body but the Atman-the immortal soul within.
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That is the reason why Hindu Salvation is known as Self Realization or Moksha (means emancipation, liberation or release from the cycles of birth, death and rebirth). realizing one is indeed the Atman (the immortal soul within the body) and giving up the false belief that one is the perishable body.
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Unlike scriptures of other religions, Hindu scriptures state Salvation is for all.
How can one achieve Salvation ?
Through one of the four paths
1 ----Jnana Yoga –path of knowledge
2---Karma Yoga -- path of selfless actions.
3 ---Bhakti Yoga -- Path of Devotion
4 – Raja Yoga – path of breath control and Pranayama.
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Unlike scriptures of other religions, Hindu scriptures state Salvation is for all.
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Unlike scriptures of other religions, Hindu scriptures state
Salvation is for the BEST among us as well as for the WORST among us.
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Unlike scriptures of other religions, Hindu scriptures state
You don't have to be a Hindu to attain Salvation.
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Unlike scriptures of other religions, Hindu scriptures state
Nobody irrespective of someone is Hindu or not is not denied SALVATION.
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Unlike scriptures of other religions, Hindu scriptures state
There is no such thing someone will rot in hell for eternity in Hinduism.
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Am I A Hindu? is an international Best Seller about Hindu Culture. It is a very lively discussion between a 14 year old American born Indian teenager and his middle aged father about every aspect of Hinduism in very simple question and answer format in 90 chapters. Highly recommended for all libraries by LIBRARY JOURNAL and BOOKLIST magazines in USA….This book is used in many universities in USA and Canada in their world religion classes.
www.boloji.com/index.cfm?md=Content&sd=Articles&A...
www.amazon.com/Am-Hindu-The-Hinduism-Primer/dp/1879904063...
I look like I'm waitin' for someone to just make my day here, but really...I'm trying to just be at peace with my situation, the path I'm taking, the friends I'm making. My dad said some things to me today that really made me stop. think. cry.
I'm ok, I do know that much.
There's nothing spectacular about it, but it gives me warm fuzzies. This store is probably the coolest place in Ocean Springs. It's all Walter Anderson branded items; purses, jewelry, paintings, clothing, cards, home furnishings and it's all in the L&N Train Depot downtown. I just like the warm, toned down colors in this shot. I wish I shot further up to get the top of the clothesline as a leading line, but I can always go back.
Depot Boijmans Van Beuningen en Lichtkunstwerk Pipilotti Rist
Depot Boijmans Van Beuningen (aanvankelijk genaamd 'het Collectiegebouw', in de volksmond 'De Pot') is een kunstdepot van Museum Boijmans Van Beuningen in Rotterdam. Het is het eerste voor het publiek toegankelijke kunstdepot ter wereld.
Het is een 39,5 meter hoog, komvormig gebouw dat bekleed is met spiegelende platen, waardoor een min of meer aansluitend verkleind spiegelbeeld van de omgeving is te zien, waarbij men over de omliggende gebouwen heen kan kijken. Om de privacy van patiënten van het naastliggende Erasmus MC te waarborgen zijn aan die kant een aantal platen mat gemaakt. Ook zijn enkele ruimten waar daglicht nodig is voorzien van normaal glas. Als inspiratie voor de vorm van het gebouw diende een aluminiumkleurige Ikea-schaal. De Blanda Blank, een licht glimmende serveerschaal van roestvrij staal van 3,99 euro, stond per toeval als suikerpot op de tafel tijdens de voorbesprekingen over het ontwerp voor het gebouw.
Op 17 maart 2017 ging de eerste paal de grond in. Het gebouw telt zeven verdiepingen. Op het dak bevindt zich een restaurant met 120 zitplaatsen. Het pand bevat 1664 spiegelpanelen met een gezamenlijke oppervlakte van 6609 m2. Daarnaast zijn er vier restauratieateliers. Binnen wordt een deel van de collectie in dertien vitrines tentoongesteld. In oktober 2021 werden de kosten voor het gebouw geraamd op ruim negentig miljoen euro.
Op 5 november 2015 stemde de Rotterdamse gemeenteraad in met de wijziging van het bestemmingsplan in het Museumpark, waardoor de plannen voor een bijzonder kunstdepot gerealiseerd konden worden. Op de plaats waar het gebouw kwam, stonden voorheen 255 bomen, "acacia's". Volgens sommige deskundigen verkeerden die in een slechte toestand, en konden ze alleen overleven als ze werden "verplaatst naar het gemeentelijk bomendepot". Anderen waren het met die zienswijze niet eens en vonden dat het nieuwe gebouw "het park kapot maakt".
Depot Boijmans Van Beuningen werd ontworpen door het Nederlandse architectenbureau MVRDV. De volledige depotcollectie van Museum Boijmans Van Beuningen (ruim 151.000 werken) is hier opgeslagen en is publiek toegankelijk, op een totale vloeroppervlakte van 15.541 m2. Financieel is de realisatie mede mogelijk gemaakt door stichting De Verre Bergen met een schenking van € 17 miljoen en een lening van circa € 35 miljoen tijdens de bouwfase.
Opzet is dat de exploitatie bekostigd wordt uit entreegelden en uit inkomsten uit verhuur van depotruimte aan particuliere kunstverzamelaars; 15 procent van de voor kunst bestemde vloeroppervlakte is daarvoor gereserveerd.
Depot Boijmans Van Beuningen (initially called 'het Collectiegebouw', popularly called 'De Pot') is an art depot of Museum Boijmans Van Beuningen in Rotterdam. It is the first publicly accessible art depot in the world.
It is a 39.5 meter high, bowl-shaped building that is covered with reflective plates, so that a more or less contiguous, reduced mirror image of the environment can be seen, whereby one can look over the surrounding buildings. To guarantee the privacy of patients of the adjacent Erasmus MC, a number of plates have been made matt on that side. Some rooms where daylight is needed are also fitted with normal glass. An aluminium-coloured Ikea shell served as inspiration for the shape of the building. The Blanda Blank, a slightly shiny serving dish made of stainless steel for 3.99 euros, happened to be on the table as a sugar bowl during preliminary discussions about the design for the building.
The first pile went into the ground on 17 March 2017. The building has seven floors. On the roof is a restaurant with 120 seats. The building contains 1664 mirror panels with a combined surface of 6609 m2. In addition, there are four restoration studios. Inside, part of the collection is displayed in thirteen display cases. In October 2021, the costs for the building were estimated at more than ninety million euros.
On November 5, 2015, the Rotterdam city council approved the change to the zoning plan in the Museum Park, allowing the plans for a special art depot to be realised. At the site where the building was built, there used to be 255 trees, "acacias". According to some experts, they were in a bad condition and could only survive if they were "moved to the municipal tree depot". Others disagreed with that view, saying that the new building is "destroying the park".
Depot Boijmans Van Beuningen was designed by the Dutch architectural firm MVRDV. The entire deposit collection of Museum Boijmans Van Beuningen (more than 151,000 works) is stored here and is accessible to the public, on a total floor area of 15,541 m2. Financially, the realization was made possible in part by the De Verre Bergen foundation with a donation of € 17 million and a loan of approximately € 35 million during the construction phase.
The intention is that the exploitation will be paid for from entrance fees and from income from the rental of depot space to private art collectors; 15 percent of the floor space intended for art is reserved for this purpose.
Hair: Moa
Artistic Direction: Laure Delvigo
Realization Photos: Thierry Chekroun
Photos: Sandre Fourqui
Stylist: Laure Delvigo
Design Graphic: Virginie Bourgeois
Make up: Sophie Nominé Bouteille
Tratto da: Estetica Hair Magazine
There's nothing as earth-shaking as the shocking realization that, unlike some of you out there, I am utterly and completely on my own... I can't tell my family what I'm going through, what I've been dealing with, and am still dealing with, for over 25 years so far.
I've worked so hard at hiding it from my parents and sister, in order to avoid any embarassing situations, but as I get older, and as long as I don't have plans set to finally get out on my own, it's suffocating me. I will work to get out on my own sooner or later. It will happen, it will just take a while, and a lot of personal (read as "financial") sacrifice to do so, but, mark my words, days like today (Tuesday June 15, 2010) just strengthen my resolve to make it happen.
Remember where I mentioned letting down my guard? It doesn't even have to entail having someone come in and catch you dressed up. It can be even something as subtle as maybe subconsciously calling attention to your nails, holding them out, and even the clear base coat being noticeable.
Well, Mom noticed, and gave me the marching orders to clip them. (I did, though not as short as she preferred. I am an adult, and I should be able to live as I wish, but ultimately, I will have to get out on my own. I can't do anything about not having any sort of plans that I should have had about 20 years earlier, but I can work hard to make up for lost time.) She also emphasized that I shouldn't put nail polish on.
I will not give up, I will not purge. I will just work harder to hide it. I shouldn't have to do this. I will not give up. The door was opened, I will not be forced back into a closet I've been trying to get out of. I have to find the answer for myself. I have to find out who I am.
But, it sucks... It hurts... I love my parents and my sister, but it hurts terribly to know that a handful of friends online and offline can understand and accept, but my own family can't...
What the hell do I do? I can't give up. I won't accept defeat. I will not fade away. I will make my mark upon this world somehow... I will overcome my fears. I have to conquer my fears and become stronger, for both sides of myself.
I will work harder...
(A faint ray of hope... She didn't notice that I went through another cycle of Nair on the arms (and chest), and that I slightly redefined my eyebrows... As long as I don't make drastic changes... I guess... I won't give up... regardless...)
Literary Analysis
The choice of Psalm 113 as the introductory “Hallelujah” psalm in the Hallel Service of the prayer book was obviously dictated by the realization that this psalm is the paradigm for all Hallelujah psalms. It opens with a command or invitation to the worshipers, “the servants of the Lord,” to give praise to the Lord and proceeds with several examples of the Lord's majesty and goodness. The worshipers are enjoined to praise the Name of the Lord, His glorious manifestation among mankind. This call to praise the Lord is rendered in a stirring sequence of rhythms and repetitions suggesting a public invitation to prayer. The second verse, “Let the Name of the Lord be blessed now and forever,” is well-known as the response to the opening invitation to praise of the Lord in The Grace After Meals (Birkat hamazon). Its antiphonal usage may, indeed, have its roots in the original psalmic tradition.
The psalm turns to the omnipresence of the Lord's Name, His reputation generated by the manifestations of his deeds; it embraces the earth from the place of sunrise to that of sunset, both crucial acts of nature controlled by the Lord. Moreover, just as He “is exalted above all nations, “His glory is above the heavens.” The psalmist moves subtly here from the outward manifestation of the Lord's majesty to His transcendence above nature, even above the heavens. The uniqueness of the Lord is reaffirmed in verses 5 and 6 which comprise the heart of the psalm, the wonder of this God who is so transcendentally exalted, yet concerned with what happens among mankind below on earth. The combination of these two polar opposites are bound in sound by the seemingly rhymed, archaized suffixes: "hamagbihi" (who sits on high) in v. 5 with “hamashpili” (he who sees below) in v. 6.
The high/low contrast is continued in the next two verses in “mekimi” (He raises) and “moshivi” (He sets on high): the Lord, through His power and benevolence, raises the poor and the needy, He sets them with the great men of His people.” Verses 7 and 8 form an exquisite cluster of correspondences and parallels. “Mekimi” (He raises) in v. 7 corresponds to lehoshivi (to set them) in v. 8 in both meaning and sound. Within each of these two verses, the second part of the verse echoes its first part so that v, 8 also echoes v. 7. Their use of repeated prepositions is balanced: in v, 7 we have the “mi” (from ) twice while in v. 8 we find two instances of “im” (with) in precisely the same position of the sentence as in v. 8.
These two verses, 7 and 8, surprisingly prepare us for verse 9, since all three verses echoes verses from the second chapter of Samuel I, the prayer of thanksgiving Hannah sings when the Lord frees her from her childlessness by granting her a child, the prophet Samuel. Though the names are absent from verse 9, the psalmist and his audience could not miss the reference to this classical instance of God's power and mercy in setting (again “moshive”) “the childless woman (akara) amid her household as a happy mother of children.” The help the Lord extends to childless women is as old as Sarah and Abraham in Genesis. This Hallelujah psalm thus ends climactically with a well-known example, both from real life and literature, that all worshipers can identify with. The repeated use of the archaized form of these adjectives marks them as significant epithets of the Lord; these attributes add details to the characterization of His Name. In both theme and its execution, this psalm is obviously the quintessence of psalmic expression, hence richly deserving of its place as the first psalm of the traditional Hallel Service of the Prayer Book.
"The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reasons for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality." - Albert Einstein
TRACKS ON CD...Dahlia
1) Dreamz
2) Withering Flowerz
3) If walls couls speak
4) My Eyes Adore you
5) Something inside my heart
6) A star is born
7)Heartbrake and Solitude
8) Circuitry
9) this fire
10) rock out
11)The Fashion Iconz
12) you dont love me
13) in the last place on earth
14) miracles
15) Top Doll!
16) the black Dahlia
answears about dahlia
1- how long have you been doing your talent?
answear: I was born with a song in my heart, and music in my body..i have been singing since the day i could say i love you mommy
2- what is unique, and special about my talent is that when i am on stage singing songs i have written, you can really feel the essence of who i am, and what i am feeling..
i would like to thank top doll for letting me share my talent with all of you
love Dahlia :o)
Concept, design and realization of the "Museum Mansio Sebatum", a Museum about ancient roman history in the Pustertal Valley (South Tyrol, Italy).
(c) www.gruppegut.it
Hi There!
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10/53 Realization
Today I finally surfed again, paddled out to Rockaway beach, 51 degree water, winds offshore, 3-4ft waves and it just hit me, Happiness. My heart is so full. I realize that it doesn't take much to be happy, serving Jah, a Board and some waves:) so forget about that girl and Gaining her affections, forget about what those people think of your decisions and the ways you want to go with your life, forget about what people say, Forget about what you don't have right now, forget about your problems that you cant solve right this instant, and be happy. We have a long way to go in this life, so why not walk the road happy, Jah will bless you with that special someone, you will stick to Jehovah and live the life that makes you happy, not anyone else, you will have what you need and more, and those problems will be solved when that day comes. i know that this moment of clarity might become clouded in time again so thats why i write this to remember and to help me realize this again when i need it. All this will require work, but being Happy is worth it.
Information on buildings and architecture
Führungen am Campus WU Leerzeile Leerzeile
University of the Future
Internationalism, innovation, diversity – the new Campus WU is the concrete realization of WU’s vision for a modern university. The fundamental principles of the new architecture reflect the values and ideas we cherish at WU.
As a public institution, WU has lived up to its responsibility of building its new campus in an economical, ecological, and socially sustainable manner. WU’s decision to locate the new campus in Vienna’s second district will redefine this area and transform it into an educational hub. We have not only constructed new buildings, but in the process we have also given concrete realization to our ideas of what the university of the future should look like. The new campus is more than just a place for academic research and teaching and learning practical skills; it is also designed to create a new space for social, cultural, and political life.
The imposing Library & Learning Center (LC), designed by the Iraqi-British architect Zaha Hadid, is a testament to the central importance of research and teaching at WU. The Library & Learning Center is surrounded by five building complexes, including the Teaching Center, which houses most of WU’s auditoriums. The Teaching Center is intended mainly for bachelor degree students, while the master degree programs are taught primarily in the individual Department buildings. The Executive Academy building is the home of continuing education and life-long learning programs. In this way, the various buildings and their functions reflect the three tiers of teaching and learning represented by the Bologna Process.
WU’s Department-based organizational structure was also a contributing factor. In the past, the various Institutes that make up the Departments were scattered across different locations. Now they have been brought together in four Department buildings, which will make life much easier for both students and faculty.
These are not the only improvements the new campus has to offer: All rooms have natural light, and the auditoriums feature state-of-the-art teaching equipment, including digital whiteboards. There are 3,000 student workplaces, three times as many as in the old buildings in Vienna’s ninth district. These workplaces are located not only in the dedicated self-study areas, but also in project rooms that can be booked by teaching staff and students alike. They cater to different needs by providing quiet spots for focused academic work as well as opportunities for work on group projects in communicationfriendly study areas.
The top priority in planning the new campus was to create an environment for WU students and staff that is conducive to productive work and communication.
Not only the buildings themselves, but also the surrounding grounds offer plenty of opportunities for communication and meeting people. 55,000 m² of Campus WU’s total 100,000 m² of floor and surface area is open, publicly accessible space. Fences or barriers would contradict our vision of an open campus.
Visitors and area residents are more than welcome at Campus WU. The campus offers not only food for thought, but also restaurants, cafés, and shops, all in a stimulating architectural environment.
As different as they may look, however, the buildings are all based on the same overall technical concept: the building infrastructure is standardized in terms of construction, energy supply, ventilation, and sanitary facilities. The entire campus has been designed in accordance with “green building” principles. Much of the required energy is obtained using geothermal energy from groundwater.
Another key feature of Campus WU is barrier-free accessibility. All auditoriums are specially equipped for people with disabilities, all areas are designed to be wheelchair accessible, and the campus also features a tactile guidance system for the visually impaired.
We have not only made sure to comply with all relevant legal guidelines, but we have also drawn on experience gained from best practice examples. WU aims to play a pioneering role – in all respects.
An international socio-spiritual Hindu organization with references to scriptures and personalities of the Swami Narayan group. 'The Shikshapatri, originally written by Lord Swaminarayan in 1826 CE, is read daily by the Swaminarayan devotees. Apart from practical spiritual guidance, it provides guidelines on every aspect of life. Hinduism can boast of many such scriptures. Whatever our great rishis had realized during their spiritual quest was presented before mankind according to the extent of their realization. These precepts, too, became scriptures. Of all these scriptures, the most revered by Lord Swaminarayan are the books written by Vyas Bhagvan.'
Pujya Pramukh Swami Maharaj is the fifth spiritual successor of Bhagwan Swaminarayan and the present leader of Bochasanwasi Shri Akshar Purushottam Swaminarayan Sanstha. Representing the essence of Hinduism, his compassion for humanity, universal wisdom, and striking simplicity have touched many world religious and national leaders. But most important is his quiet, undisturbed love for God which rises beyond all borders of nation, race and religion. www.swaminarayan.org/index.htm {Newport News, Va. Nikon D80 + Photomatix. © Anthony Prater, 2010. All Rights Reserved.}
My entry for the www.diyphotography.net/bag-o-goodies-assignment-sports.
This young lad had what should have been a calk-walk, the closest opposing player was #24 (green & white jersey) some 30 ft away and open field behind him to the end-zone. The ball arching beautifully through the evening sky into this young man's hands, or so we all thought.
I still recall Coach Pyne's calm, but sardonic tone echoing across the field "We catch the ball with our hands...remember?".
Strobist how-to / setup / lighting info:
No on or off-camera flash used, this is standard community college football field stadium lighting (read: awful!). Using a Canon 1D Mk III with EF 70-200mm f/2.8 L IS USM (fast lens), cranked up to ISO 3200 aperture wide-open I was lucky to squeeze out a half decent image at 1/400th sec.
Os Jogos dos Povos Indígenas, uma realização do Ministério do Esporte, governo de Pernambuco e Comitê Intertribal de Memórias e Ciência Indígena, em parceria com os ministérios da Justiça, Educação, Cultura e Saúde por meio da Funasa, além da Fundação Nacional do Índio (Funai) e Prefeituras Recife e Olinda. Proibida a venda, fotos Divulgação.
The games of indigenous peoples, a realization of the Ministry of sport, Government of Pernambuco and Intertribal Committee of memories and Indigenous Science, in partnership with the ministries of Justice, education, culture and health by means of Funasa, besides the National Indian Foundation (Funai) and Prefectures Recife and Olinda. Prohibited the sale, pictures.
Fotos: Mauro Filho (Mosf)
© all rights reserved | © todos os direitos reservados.
-Rolleiflex Automat 6x6 - Model K4B
-Agfa APX 100
-Gelatin silver lith print 16"x20" ©2000
-Kentmere Fineprint VC F.G. Warmtone Matte
The 2023 PEN America Literary Awards took place at The Town Hall in New York City on March 2, 2023. Since 1963, the PEN America Literary Awards have honored outstanding voices in fiction, poetry, science writing, essays, biography, children's literature, translation, and drama.
The ceremony was hosted by acclaimed actor, author, and former Obama White House aide Kal Penn. Tina Fey, nine-time Emmy Award winner and one of the greatest comedy writers of her generation, received the 2023 PEN/Mike Nichols Writing for Performance Award.
Photo credit: Beowulf Sheehan/PEN America
I just created a blog. Why? Well because I have decided to pick up my cross and take up a challenge for me to take a verse of the bible every week ponder upon it and then make a design for it. Yes wish me luck no there is no such thing but there is God. Also I have no real knowledge of how to use Illustrator so I will try my best! Enjoy
In the early 1950s, air forces around the world came to the realization that it made little sense to train pilots on older piston-engined trainers, then expect them to go from those aircraft to high-performance jets without a high accident rate. Most nations with an aviation industry then embarked on designing jet trainers and a training syllabus entirely with jets.
For the Soviet Union, it would not only need a jet trainer, it would need thousands of them, to equip not only its own air force, but those of the Warsaw Pact and client states. The Khrushchev regime learned that two of the Pact nations were working on their own trainers--Aero of Czechoslovakia was designing the L-29 Delfin (Dolphin), while PZL of Poland was working on the TS-11 Iskra (Spark). Surprisingly for the Soviet Union, it issued a requirement for the jet trainer and opened it up to a competition between the two aircraft.
Aero's L-29 was designed to be everything a trainer should be: easy to fly, easy to maintain, forgiving of mistakes, and capable of simple aerobatics. As Soviet doctrine called for aircraft capable of operating from austere airstrips, the L-29 was given a strengthened landing gear, and for either weapons training or in emergencies, could be equipped with four underwing hardpoints for bombs, rockets or gunpods. It was not particularly fast and considered underpowered, but that was less important in a trainer.
The L-29 would first fly in 1959, and went up against the TS-11 in 1961. To the surprise of many, considering the TS-11 was faster, the L-29 was declared the winner. Suspecting politics and wishing to keep some independence, the Polish Air Force would never use the Delfin, and would make the Iskra its primary jet trainer. For the rest of the Warsaw Pact and the Soviet Union, the L-29 would go into production. NATO would give it the reporting name of Maya.
Some 27 nations would eventually fly L-29s, as trainers, but occasionally in combat as well: Egyptian L-29s were pressed into service during the 1973 Yom Kippur (October) War as ground attack aircraft, and they were also used in the Biafran War of 1967-1970 and the First Nagorno-Karabakh War of 1988-1994 between Azerbaijan and Armenia. In these cases, the Delfin did not do well, but it was never intended to fight against modern air defenses. Saddam Hussein reportedly converted a number of his L-29s to drones, intended to carry poison gas towards Coalition forces in 2003, though they never flew.
While the L-29 was adequate, as aircraft got faster and more manueverable, the Delfin was becoming obsolete. In response, Aero designed the L-39 Albatros, a more advanced trainer, and L-29 production ended in 1974 after 3665 had been produced. Though most L-29 users replaced it with the L-39, some continued with the Delfin, and Angola and Georgia would use it as late as 2016. After the end of the Cold War, many Delfins became available on the open market, and while not as common as its Western equivalent--the T-33 Shooting Star--or its successor the L-39, L-29s are found in small numbers in the warbird community, and a few have raced in the Reno Air Races.
Both of these L-29s belong to the Prop and Jet Museum at Hemet-Ryan Field, California. Both are former Czech Air Force examples, sold off after the Cold War to private American collectors, and were acquired by the museum around 2013. Both are still listed as flyable.
Canon EOS Rebel X 35mm
Kodak BW400CN Film
His mouth was frozen open in a silent scream of horror as he realized that was the last breath he would ever take...
I just got off the phone with sasha, and because the realization was so important, I need to document it.
She called me to tell me her thoughts about a movie we watched tonight. i'd found it so hopeful, and inspiring, and she was not so sure. she called to tell me she thought the main character was selfish – he had gone through the entire movie not thinking of anyone but himself. His wife, though also lost, had tried to improve their life together, only to be turned away, numbly. His son had run away from home, and the main character didn't do any more than read the note he'd left and sit down. He felt so completely numb, and closed off, until he opened up to this girl, this girl he happened to love, and suddenly felt things.
I couldn't disagree on how selfish he was, but I still felt as strongly hopeful, and didn't like him any less. It concerned me a bit how much I related to him, and all of a sudden, we started talking about my innermost emotions.
The last time I felt so fulfilled was just before I left California, and when I went back a year later to regain that feeling, things had changed. I had tried moving to Boston, to find it no different. I had tried moving home, to the same effect. I tried going to bars, shows, dates. Things I didn't want to do, but figured people would be there. I hung out with friends, and I didn't understand why sometimes I could still drive home feeling unsatisfied, as if after an entire evening together, we'd only really chatted about the weather.
It took a while of opening up before I realized much at all. I admitted, out loud to a real human being, how lonely I've been. How much I hold myself responsible for my own unhappiness in the past year. How I feel like I failed by leaving LA in the first place, leaving a fantastic happy Micah to be a depressed and despondent one, but that all the things I'd tried, moving from Boston to LA again, and everything in between, had failed horribly. I didn't expect there was anything more I could do – that I've felt that no matter what I try, I can't get it right. I said all these things out loud to a person, quite probably for the first time.
And here's where the hope comes in, and here's where the benefit of it lies. She saw things differently, she let me get things out, she analyzed a bit. It isn't that I haven't been trying to change my state of mind; maybe I've been going about it the wrong way. But I truly did not know the right way, I felt like I'd tried everything. I had only myself to count on, and I beat myself up for making the mistakes I've made. She didn't tell me not to – she suggested that I might need to open up to people. I'm so closed, I really am. I haven't talked about any of this. I'm not honest all the time, and I just don't trust people besides myself. And I'm starting to not trust myself, while I'm at it. People are best when they count on other people, when they lean and let lean, when they push and pull, but most of what I've been doing is pushing.
I've taught myself to be confident before – to trust my instincts, to be proud of the things I do, to appreciate most of who I am. And learning those things was what made California as great as it was. But in that time, I had one very convenient tool at my disposal. I was in a school, surrounded by people like me, surrounded by tons of people that were easy to meet. And I worked on all the other parts, except how to meet and trust and appreciate other people, because it was provided for me. But now, and for the past year, I haven't had that. And that's the piece, that I can see now at least, that's missing. And shit, that's just one piece, I've done more difficult things with less to go on before. I can do that.
Really, this past year I've felt a whole lot of hopeless, and opening up tonight gave me a little hope. Which, at the moment, looks like proof that this could work. A little hope makes a huge difference.
Sometimes all you need is a walk in the woods. There is not much it can't fix! There is an energy in nature that is all to often missing in modern society. It is a primordial need that we should feed. Spending time in nature regularly needs to become a bigger focus of our society.