Why do I love becoming a woman? A question I often ask myself as well as hearing from others who know of my liking to take ion a female persona. Do I regret being a man that desires to dress as a woman? Where is it all going to end up?

Questions, questions…

I accept we all have our own motivations and aspirations for expressing our desire to dress as women and which can also be a desire to inhabit a female persona. I have my personal feelings, emotional needs and ambitions for my female alter-ego which are not necessarily a reflection of how others feel about their own situation. For me, I have a need to actually pass as a woman and be perceived as being female when I cross-dress. I will admit to frustration over the years through a combination of my lack of skills in the art of male to female transformation, limits imposed by my physicality (being male) and I’m sure well meant advice telling me to forget passing and just enjoy it. To forget passing undermines everything that motivates my female side. When I become Helene I want to be a woman not simply a man dressed up. I dream of having a feminine appearance and emotionally being female rather than male. If this all sounds like serious transexual characteristics and an urgent need to start transition then let me say with utter certainty that is not what I want.

I don’t buy into the simplistic view that if you have a powerful desire to be a woman then the only answer is to transition. Nothing is that straightforward that you can boil it down to a one or the other answer. There exists a huge area of crossover. I genuinely like my male life and like being me. The idea of killing off my male self and only existing as a woman is not something I want. If I were to indulge in being simplistic, I could say I want it all, to be both a man and a woman. However, I know, especially now I am sixty years of age, how my feelings operate in terms of my transgender feelings. I can see now I have real intense moments of wanting to be female and this are all consuming when they occur. I do understand though, that these intense desires being too diminish and I am happy to return to being a man again. I would say that is reasonably creative cut as to why transitioning would not be a happy course of action for me.

I doubt I am alone in having these intense moments of wanting to be female forever but knowing they will at some point ease off. I will admit that it is these feelings that drive me to want to actually look convincingly female and to behave as a female both physically and emotionally when I transform myself from a man into a woman. It’s a fundamental part of my being and needs to be set free now and again.

In recent months my focus and aspirations for my female self has shifted towards passing myself off in a believable way as being a real woman. I find myself observing real women more and more and noting their choices in clothing, footwear and make-up. I also observe what men find attractive in women they encounter My goal is to be accomplished enough to be perceived as being a female and I too want to behave and respond as a female with any social interactions be that shopping, a polite hell, having a coffee in a cafe, visiting a gallery, having a meal and even creating some intrigue and desire with men. In short my aim for the few hours I take on my female persona I want o be able to cease being a man in every way and exist as a female.

Having outlined my feelings and aspirations does that answer any of the questions I began this narrative with? I think it partly addresses them. I do have many regrets about being a man that dresses as a woman. I kind of regret I never accepted this part of myself throughout my life. It caused me a lot of angst and made me a shy not very sociable person. I think I was far more transexual as a teenager and young man than I am now. Once I settled into a career I liked and a relationship that means more to me than my own inner desires and then had a family, everything took on a different level of contentment and also responsibility. My wife and family far outweigh my lifelong desire to become female, I would hate to cause any disruption to that. I do regret my cowardice as a young person not to act on my inner feelings in regard to desiring to be female. I chose the easy option of denial and suppression. Inevitably, I failed in that attempt at self control and had to come out as being transgender at the age of forty one. I do have regrets that certain people I came out to have used it against me, I misjudged their trust. I have regrets I don’t have breasts, a female body and look female, I dream of being feminine. Im not feminine though so this does distress me somewhat and I regret the lack of femininity.

Despite the regrets, they are not enough to crush me as I do enjoy my life, it’s an aspect I can handle, I know it is down to my own inaction that these regrets exist. I try to not let them intrude as I do enjoy my rare moments as a woman and find each opportunity incredibly rewarding and fulfilling.

Recently I was asked by a female friend where all of this was going to end up? It really made me think and I wanted to answer as honestly as I could. At the moment I think in the next few years I will start to spend time out and about as a woman not a man. This is a reflection of where I am going emotionally and also I do have personal ambitions in regard to the challenge of existing as a (part-time) woman. I want to do it well and never be considered as a man when I head out as a woman. I therefore see an increase in this kind of activity and a change in my wardrobe, hair and make-up to reflect this. I did consider what would occur if I were single. I don’t want to be single but it was a hypothetical scenario I felt I should muse over. I believe I would likely spend a lot more time as my female self if I were single but I’m pretty certain I would not transition. I still like my male self so I see such a scenario as being a less inhibited opportunity to fully express myself more freely.

It has taken me pretty much fifty years to accept myself and I don’t feel I’m still quite there yet, there is a lot more self acceptance I need to embrace. I think it’s my fear of damaging my relationship with my wife and family, who all know I have a female alter-ego, that prevents me from pushing things further. Al I can say is I do feel a lot more at ease with my inner female self than I did in past decades.

I ask a lot of questions to myself believing that the kind of questions you ask determine somehow the kind of life you lead. Perhaps it can be also true for my photographic work.

QTM n˚ 1 │ Is there a consistency in my work?

More pics in blog [mid & back] <3

Skin: LUMAE - Rhae Skin [T1] NEW!!!

Head: LeLUTKA - Avalon Head

Body: eBODY - Reborn

Boobs: eBODY REBORN - Juicy Boobs

Hair: no.match_ - No Engine [@ Uber]

Bodysuit: .:Beauty of Darkness:. CG-001 Bodysuit,

Tattoo: THIS IS WRONG - Electroclub shine+tattoo

Weapon: [REKT x TREVOR] - Swordmaster Kabuto [Check this video to see the different animations, options] NEW!!!

Boots: Diaboli Design - Solid Boots

Pose: Ana Poses - Moon

under the skies that transcend billions of universes,

the outsized elephant-room of questions & secrets;

deepak ` the lightwriter's canvas broach in open.

we read our dread, Who if I cried out would hear me?

mind the stillness-mat viz; feelings get encroached; at

first, you praise their dress, then you get ash-dressed.

'ours' keeps breaking - ourselves, within our perimeter.

bully / pulpit alters us; diminishes sickle consciousness.

betwixt the micro spaces of conversation / correctness,

a certain static silence had enshrined in - just all over.

harbinger of tenuous assumptions kept on ossifying

into the experiments with musts, doubts, turncoats.

approvers bare intimacy that bears inching eyes;

and when one is completely inside one's perfidy,

a cover-up mindset suborns a hushed horizon —

pretends - the decisions had been difficult. 'yes'

— deserts us in a forgetting curve that reminds us,

of sti-ff-ness between us, culturing the same sky.

take over air consternates us-sets dreams on fire.

formless hubris viz debris, give themselves to gust

to be e'er scattered betwixt this/that; bedraggled.

zeroing in, insecurity at the heart of human constructs

the displaced shoes let you see, the surface of yore.

a long haul to dig and find, the great heart of our past.

no spin here, to foresee, real ground under our feet.

unchopping a tree, perched on wasteland, silences..

a thousand mile stare, ensouls thousand silhouettes:

anagram—breathy.ed each other to the bridging truth;

and learnedness, endlessly multiplied with curtain call.

where e g /oquence isolates honest assessment, not

being one of their chiliad/st.ic quarters isn't isolation.

not a diminishment, if being exercised more fully -

- truth's episodic memory is tender and unwavering;

ongoing procedure of days - = - simply transformative,

to rain align, all the absorbed moments of illumination.

bathed in light, friendships bear holistic temperament

alert, alert, alter! “after the game is before the game”.

tales shine in via our window of thousand caresses,

where you are sewing a blouse that feeds the spine.

tender paws & sky-ball inside, dashing out of a conch;

over tears-coasts, the white expanse, so kind & clear.

coconut chirping an intrinsic and glorious awakening.

rose dew here, and trouble talk lies beyond the map.

the truth is made real through servitude in affection.

psithurism of intimate revelations recalls clutched keys;

the key did turn. everywhere you turn is full of wonder.

awed to see - the shift inside, shifts deep garden state!

how did a blackbird of the milky way land up here,

that joy glistens in the kaleidoscopic, tent•i•er eyes.

how else to truly trace this landscape of provenance,

a cat following a radiant butterfly to the ringing bells.

　　 　 　　 　　 　　 ※

　 　　 　　 India ▪ that is Bhāratam

　 　a quiet 'photo meditation' and a poem

　　 　 to read in the quiet of your days.

　　 and share as we gather around what we love.

© Think Through The — Magic Box Photographie [◎]

　 　* The italicized line is by Rainer Maria Rilke.

A couple of days ago I was a question or should I say I was requested to post photos of what would be wearing over the past few days, The kind of outfits to do housework, shopping and how I would dress if I was full time.

I was going to go all practical but then decided that those photos would be contrived because that's not how I would dress for the most part. I don't do normal casual clothes all the time. Yes they have a time and a place normally down to job to undertake, environment, and lack of anything else to wear.

So this was yesterdays outfit. I did the washing and hung it out, then went into town to get my shoes re-heeled, Returned home got washing in and put it away then cooked dinner all in this outfit, So pleased I wore the sweater as it was blooming chilly.

No question, it's a beauty. Ellicott City, Howard County, Maryland.

i've never had one before. it'd be this saturday. HMM!

Ok, so at least 2 characters (or so remaining) for Paradox Force/Grey Cop series. Looking for character building and matches, along with some powers/personalities/backstories etc.

The top left is unrelated to these 2, the face (left 1) is a new face for Grey Cop, while the Hydra agent's (left 2) is a torso for a supporting character for the series.

So down below the grey, slightly orange, armored torso, has 2 faces. The bearded one and a Hydra agent's face. Also missing the legs/hips. Which face is suitable for him? The bearded one is quite good in my opinion, but I was considering him for Rick Flagg, while the Hydra agent is also a good choice. This guy I came up with is a doctor, somewhat (Irish?), and also he used to be a prisoner until our heroes came to look for him, couldn't think after that.

The second one is a white torso, some black pants, pretty simple, though I could think of changing his pants for something high-tech, still in the same color. He'll be the one that uses power gauntlets. Got the brown hair and the Star Wars face for him, he kind of looks like Coulson to me, so (coincidence?!). The face on the right has 2 hair options, either a black hair or a slick brown hair also from the Hydra agent. The story of this guy is that he's an agent once, but works on his own, is good at tech and stuff, secretly good at knives. His identity is pretty mysterious as no one knows his first name, but only his last, so needing options here.

I've tried many combos, but some work and some don't, still in between the line of making and finalising the product.

Comment below for suggestions, just come up with what you can.

Basking in the evening sunlight.

Does my bum look big in this?

Summilux 1.4/50, a7ii

Good morning everyone and I hope you had a nice weekend. As the the title indicates, presented today are my first pics of a Question Mark (Polygonia interrogationis). I know, kind of late in the season, but unlike the Eastern Comma, Autumn is usually my best chance to photograph one of these.

Seen here is what is known as the winter form as evident by the orange hind wings, which in the summer form are dark. Almost black.

Just three pics, of which the other two can be found in the comment section and my stream. Both are lateral shots of which one was taken using the flash. Something I rarely ever do for fear of hurting the butterfly, but did in this case only because of the long distance between me and the butterfly, and it was perched in heavy shade at the time. Otherwise I don't recommend using a flash when photographing butterflies, or any insect. Especially if you're very close.

Thank you for stopping by...and I hope you have a truly great day and week. And Happy Columbus Day to those of you living in the United States.

Lacey

ISO400, aperture f/8, exposure .002 seconds (1/500) focal length 300mm

Wheeler NWR

Who will sit here?

What is the purpose of having a chair outside the store?

Why is an empty chair so appealing to a photographer?

These are questions about an empty chair. How about questions about photography?

What would you do to create a new vision (having new light in my words) for your photography?

- shooting the same subject again and again without doing anything else?

- anything else you may suggest?

Have a great Tuesday!

This is just an empty chair outside a store in Steveston Village.

Lars Hackel ©2020

Any duplication, processing, distribution or any form of utilisation shall require the prior written consent of Lars Hackel in question.

I like a little bit glitter. :)

Toronto, ON.

model: André Joseph

Explored! 17Jan2012 #494

Block for smoochee.

And the big question is... do you like it?

Blogged: www.shape-moth.blogspot.com/2012/01/cheshire-cat-pastiche...

For those visiting from Pets on Quilts 2012 linky - a new blog post with more photos is here: www.shape-moth.blogspot.de/2012/08/cat-on-quilt.html

Music for today : Focus by Nneka

~~ All Rights Reserved © ~~

ONE OF MY MANY QUESTIONS TO WHOEVER IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE RECENT DRAMATIC FLICKR CHANGES IS THIS: HOW CAN THIS PHOTO BE SEEN ON A WHITE BACKGROUND???

There is an old saying used by English engineers: "IF IT IS N' T BROKEN, DO N' T TRY TO MEND IT!!!"

CHANGE FLICKR BACK!!!

Treasury of Atreus, or Grave of Agamemnon, is dated 1250 BC. The tholos tombs were royal tombs and this is the best preserved example at the Mycenae site. ( View of the door from within the tholos tomb).

Mycenae (the "Cyclopean City, rich in gold and with broad roads" according to the Homeric Epics) is an archaeological site located about 90 km southwest of Athens, in the north-eastern Peloponnese.

In the second millenium BC Mycenae was one of the major centres of Greek civilization, a military stronghold which dominated much of southern Greece. The period of Greek history from about 1600 BC to about 1100 BC is called Mycenaean in reference to Mycenae.

Legend has it that Mycenae was founded by the hero Perseus, son of Zeus and Danae, who was the daughter of King Acrisius of Argos, and that the City's massive walls were built by the Cyclops whom Perseus brought with him from Asia.

Mycenae is a UNESCO World Heritage Site.

Photo taken May 7th, 2013 during a one day trip to the Peloponnese with my English wife Theresa and my mother in law Ann, who came from England to visit us for a few days.

Thanassis Fournarakos - Θανασης Φουρναρακος

Professional Photographer, retired.

Athens, Greece

© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

None of my images may be downloaded, copied, reproduced, manipulated or used on websites, blogs or other media without my explicit written permission. THANK YOU!

This photograph has achieved the following highest awards:

* RED CARPET HALL OF FAME

see more of my photos at www.canonsnapper.com

They usually know where the bathrooms are (that's the "loo" to me Brit buds, the "WC" to mein German buds, and a "tree" to me Aussie and Canadian buds.).

Relax, it's just a bit of humor. Police action in San Jose, California. Resolved peacefully.

Pictured above are GA bad Bane , both utilizing the new combat legs I bought at BN today.

EG parts are extremely treasured by me, and I take extra special care of them. But as soon as I bent the legs up and back down on my GA, the printing on the buckle of the upper strap chipped off a little.

I was wondering if this has ever happened to you guys, and if so, leave it as a comment down below. Thanks. :)

One for the experts , Mr. Hugh Beck Collection , he is querying the location.Any suggestions please , Its dated 29.9.34. *He suggests it may ? be Route 43.

As far as I can remember, there was a question mark at the end of my sentence!

That's how I gathered a load of knowledge, never been afraid to ask a question, so the subject of this image a very useful tool all through my life!

View On Black

Always hungry for the how and why.

Yet, I, luckily, do not suffer from morbid curiosity about other people. I am a good listener, they can tell me things, I'm interested, but I will rarely ask personal questions.

I don't consider this indifference, I call it respect.

Think before you ask... there are questions... you HAVE to be able to live with the answer!

If and when I want to photograph someone or something, I ask, if the answer is yes, I am happy, if it is no, I respect it, at least I ASKED!

“There are these four ways of answering questions. Which four?

There are questions that should be answered categorically [straightforwardly yes, no, this, that].

There are questions that should be answered with an analytical (qualified) answer [defining or redefining the terms].

There are questions that should be answered with a counter-question.

There are questions that should be put aside.

These are the four ways of answering questions.”

—Buddha

THANX for ALL your comments and visits, so appreciated, too many to be returned (sadly, however I DO try!...)

Being creative is not a choice... it is an urge in me.

READ MORE HERE, new Blog: magdaindigo.blogspot.com/2010/01/about-innovative-creativ...

Have a wonderful day, filled with love and thanx for your visit, M, (*_*)

Please do not use any of my images on websites, blogs or any other media without my explicit permission. © All rights reserved

Why not view the set as a slide-show?

Also I often upload more than one image at the same time; I see a tendency to only view the last uploaded...

Polygonia interrogationis

Another uncooperative butterfly. Wish I had better lighting.

When does it become 2-MUCH-2-ASK(?)

[] HaMeD!caL []

The Question:

Why do we let ourselves exist like this? Why should we let ourselves exist with the pain, worry and stress life provides?

The Answer:

Because we must in order to live.

So when I created my Flickr account, I made my name EvolvedTurtle. But recently people are seeing it as my real name, which I've chosen to keep private. I've tried changing my screen name but the problem is still there. Does anyone else have the same problem/ know how to fix it?

Do Gentlemen prefer Blondes. So a series of photos to see what the response might be. Just some fun for a dull day in Lockdown.

Stay Safe and Well

Bon, alors question nom, je sèche un peu clairement. Mais j’aime bien cet engin.

Une grosse roue, un gros gun, des fusées au cul, un pilote, une artilleuse. En plus il est grosso modo équilibré. C'est-à-dire que je peux lui donner un élan modéré, et que les cockpits resteront à peu près horizontaux.

creed4.myportfolio.com/

www.facebook.com/NealReedPhotography

www.instagram.com/nealreedphotography/ twitter.com/NealReedPhoto

She asked me, "Why do you take so many pictures"?

Today's photo is a test to see if you are a high heel expert.

I have about 85 pairs of heels, most are 4" or higher stiletto heels. I really like the look of the heels in this photo, but they are by far the hardest to walk in. The question is, why?

Hints: It is not because of the heel height (these are 5") and it's not because they don't fit my feet (they fit perfectly).

I've got to get to you first

Before they do

It's just a question of time

Before they lay their hands on you

And make you just like the rest

I've got to get to you first

It's just a question of time