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© Leanne Boulton, All Rights Reserved
It can happen to anyone, from any walk of life.
20 years ago I had a career that I was incredibly proud of, saving lives, I had a home, mortgage, car and disposable income. I was confident and, even though I hate to blow my own trumpet, I was incredibly good at the work that I did.
I was, however, bullied, harassed, abused, belittled and ostracised by management and many colleagues in a toxic environment where this behaviour had spread like a cancer. This went on daily for 13 years. I thought that I was 'ignoring' it and just knuckling down in my work. I didn't know, until it was too late, that this was damaging both my physical and mental health.
After some time off due to a stress breakdown I returned and the bullying turned into a witch hunt. They succeeded. My mental and physical health had been destroyed. I was wrongly advised to resign by a union that had representatives embedded in management. I was too unwell to pursue any means of recompense.
Losing my career lead to my first Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy attack. This one was nearly fatal.
I have suffered from Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) for at least 20 years as a direct result of this. Only finally receiving help for the condition last year after years of medical denial because the establishment at the time did not understand the connection between non-life threatening instances and PTSD despite mounting evidence. Thankfully it is much better understood today.
The bullies took my career, my confidence, my identity, my physical health, my mental health and now they have taken my relationship and my home. My ex being unable to cope with my PTSD and reacting to it in a way that was making it worse in a cycle that just destroyed our relationship.
Now, unable to work and unable to claim benefits for the moment, unwell, terrified and struggling at times to cope with basic life things, I am facing this horrendous situation that is so daunting there are times that my thoughts go to a very dark place.
I never imagined any of this would happen to me. I was on top of the world back in the early 2000s. The best time of my entire life.
Maybe I deserved this. Maybe I did something terrible in a former life. I don't know. I can't make sense of it.
I don't want to give up just yet. I want to fight back. I just have so little actual physical support. PTSD can cause isolation. Distrust. Withdrawal.
I have lost my few best friends since moving to Scotland for numerous reasons outside of my control. My family are 300 miles away and offer just loving thoughts. I am on my own.
On Friday I will be completely on my own for the first time in 20 years. This time without the confidence and abilities I had back then. I have to try and find them but without safety, comfort and familiarity I face an impossible task. It can take monumental effort just to cook a simple meal. PTSD is a terrible thing to have.
I am sharing my story as I don't know when or how I will return to Flickr.
Photography has been my recovery. My saviour from PTSD. An adrenaline kick from street photography, the excitement of the edit when you return home. Sharing my photographs with you and taking time to enjoy your photographs. The Flickr routine has kept my sanity and been an important part of my day for years now. I fully intend to return but the odds are against me at least for the moment.
Some of you wanted to help by donating towards the expensive Internet costs I will face in temporary housing.
I hate asking for help but please know that I am incredibly grateful for the help that I have received, both financially and otherwise. Just knowing that people care is a help in itself.
If you wish to keep in touch with me via WhatsApp while I am unable to get my PC online then please Flickrmail me your contact details. (bearing in mind that over the next few days my time is limited).
My PC will be packed tomorrow so I may make one more post before I go. I'll make sure it is a happier picture.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I am profoundly thankful for the friendships and acquaintances that I have made here. You are all wonderful, awesome people. Thank you.
Homelessness can happen to anyone.
At Porpoise Bay, the rock shelf at low tide has these rocks visible. Does anyone know what causes these? Geology always interests me.
February 22, 2010, and the water cycle is in full effect. Rain and warmer temps are causing the snow to revert to a semi-gaseous form, causing a haze of fog as a loaded Ohio Central coal train rolls north a few miles north of Zanesville, Ohio.
Back in the day, I would have called this a GLT, Glouster Turn, because it has the nice neat loaf of coal in the gons behind the power, but I think the folks at G&W had changed the symbol to BOT by then. I never bothered to listen to the scanner back then, so I don't know. If saw a train from the office window, I knew it was train time. And if the power/weather/light was good, it was lunchtime too.
HBW!!! HUGSS
I totally missed the eclipse today cause I was taking this 5 hour endurance test for college. :( SAD.
Hope ya'll are having an awesome mid-week. Heehee. :P
Trivia: My favorite color is green, that's in general. But in detail my favorites are apple green and turquoise. :P
What about you? :D
'Cause I
Gonna make you see
There's nobody else here
No one like me
I'm special
(Special)
So special
(Special)
I gotta have some of your
Attention
Give it to me
Note: I did some touch-ups that I'm still not quite sure about. I'm a novice at post-production editing, so please be gentle! If you have any constructive criticism, I totally welcome it, as it's the only way I'll progress.
cause we are sisters, we stand together
we make up one big family, though we don't look the same
our spots are different, different colors
we make each other stronger, that ain't never gonna change
we're cheetah girls, cheetah sisters
feat.
😽 amias bryn claws
😽 beauty factory leona
😽 moon solstice hair
😽 nefekalum heavenly tattoo
😽 storybook lupine eyes
😽 vibing anna earrings
laowa 15mm f2
sony a7r
purple sky phenomena, one day before typhoon Mangkhut, the most powerful typhoon to ever hit Hong Kong, devastated the metropolis
It's not the sort of fluffy seal image I normally like to take, but I liked the combination of the bokeh caused by the sun illuminating the pebbles in the foreground, and the backlit effect of the seal shaking off the sand. I also feel there was something universal about the seal reaching up to take in the emerging light.
Just white paper. No pencil, ink, paint or other marks.
Folded radially. Lighting from behind, top right and left.
The only colour is caused by the back-lighting through the paper.
I hope you like it. Made for MacroMondays "Just White Paper" challenge.
🎼 Avril Lavigne - Bad Girl (feat. Marilyn Manson)" 🎼
"Choke me because I said so
Stroke me and feed my ego
I've been a bad girl, don't you know?
(Don't tell me what to do)
Come get it now or never
I'll let you do whatever
I'll be your bad girl, here we go
(One, two, three, four)
Miss me, miss me, now you wanna kiss me
Baby
You know I want a little taste, taste
So let me take you all the way, way
You know you'll never be the same, same
One night
You won't forget the rest of your life
So come on over to the wild side
Buckle up and, baby, hold on tight
Miss me, miss me, now you wanna kiss me
We both know that you love me 'cause I'm so bad
(You f*ckin' bad girl)"
I have no idea if this chap is riding a bike like this because of the condition of his legs or whether the bike was responsible for the condition of his legs.
My second pass at this object. Captured a few more hours of data to add to the first set. I used very short exposures with the rgb camera to avoid the bright star nearby (Gamma Cassiopeiae) from over saturating the surrounding area.
"Cassiopeia's Ghost Nebula is a reflection and emission nebula located in the constellation Cassiopeia. It is often referred to as "Cassiopeia’s Ghost" due to its wispy, ghostly appearance. Here is an overview of its key characteristics:
Location and Distance: Cassiopeia’s Ghost Nebula lies approximately 550 light-years away from Earth. It is located near the bright star Gamma Cassiopeiae, a variable star that plays a critical role in illuminating the nebula.
Appearance and Structure: The nebula appears as a faint, ghostly cloud, with delicate, wispy features that resemble spectral forms. It has a combination of emission and reflection characteristics:
Emission Features: The red hue of the nebula comes from the ionization of hydrogen gas caused by the ultraviolet radiation from Gamma Cassiopeiae.
Reflection Features: The blue tones in the nebula are the result of starlight from Gamma Cassiopeiae being reflected off the surrounding dust particles.
Illuminating Star: Gamma Cassiopeiae, a massive and highly energetic Be-type star, is the primary source of radiation that influences the nebula. The intense radiation from this star causes the hydrogen gas in the nebula to glow and the dust to scatter the light.
Visibility and Observing: Cassiopeia’s Ghost Nebula is relatively faint and best observed through long-exposure astrophotography. It can be challenging to see with small telescopes but becomes more apparent with the use of filters and under dark sky conditions.
Scientific Interest: The nebula is of significant interest to astronomers studying the effects of stellar radiation on interstellar matter. It serves as an example of how nearby massive stars can shape and alter the appearance of nebulae."
Askar ACL200: 200mm f/4, ASI533MM : Ha 36x5m , Sii 34x5m
Askar ACL200: 200mm f/4, ASI533MC : rgb 821@15s
Nikon 70-200mm 200mm f/2.8, ASI533MM : Oiii 56@5m
Guided on ZWO AM5
Captured with N.I.N.A. processed with PixInsight, Ps
Storm Eunice created record speed winds in the Solent yesterday and caused a lot of damage to the infrastructure.
But this was the dawn after the storm.
Cause I'm country strong
Hard to break
Like the ground I grew up on
You may fool me
And I'll fall
But I won’t stay down long
Cause I’m country strong....
--'Country Strong'
Another beautiful scene from Skyland Meadows State Park in Virginia. I cannot wait to get a chance to get back out in some early morning light to shoot.
to see this spectacle, the preparation was getting up early, a one hour journey and the knowledge of this viewpoint. Be honest I was 30 minutes to late for sunrise on this location. The last minutes of driving the sky greeted me with a glow and gives me doubt that I will see a nice mood on my dream location. At the location I was breathless cause running down to the riverside, built up the tripod, mounting the filer and setup the camera. But I was on time when the sun breaks trough the horizon.
Location: Hochkrummbach (1700m) Lechtal Austria
Date: October 5, 2009 07:52am
Camera: Nikon D200
Lens: Tokina 12-24DX
Exposure: 1/80
Aperture: f/10
Filter: Hitech Graduated ND 0.6 Stop
notes: increase structure partial with color efex 4
Best viewed on Black (Please press 'L')
Processed and Uploaded 6 Nov 2017.
Very little post work done to this - The main thing being the crop and a 'very slight' lean to Indigo.
Taken along the 'Wild Atlantic Way' - Along the 'Slea Head Drive' - On the South West Coast of Ireland. Looking out to the Blasket Islands.
On this occasion it was a pretty overcast day as you can see, but I think this has helped the cause.
Beautiful drive if you ever get the chance :)
Sea ice loss from human-caused climate warming is one of the biggest threats to polar bears. Polar bears rely on sea ice to hunt seals, breed and sometimes den. We could see dramatic declines in polar bear numbers by mid-century if we do not greatly reduce the use of fossil fuels for our energy needs, and instead shift to renewables.
But it’s not just global warming that threatens the polar bear. It’s also commercial hunting. This aspect is never discussed by the big NGO’s because it’s a highly sensitive subject. If you want to learn more about this, read the book ‘Polar Bears & Humans’ by Ole J Liodden, or ‘Polar Bears on the Edge’ by Morten Jørgensen.
Marsel | squiver.com
"Cause we’re living at the mercy of the pain and the fear
Until we dead it forget it
Let it all disappear
The hardest part of ending is starting again ..." -- Linkin Park from their new song, Waiting for the end.
Happy weekend!!!
View me on Black.
Cause you’re like caffeine, I can’t fall asleep all night
My heart keeps racing and again, I hate you
Like caffeine, I try to stay away
I try to forget about you but I can’t do it, I can’t help it
You’re bad to me, so bad to me, oh girl you’re like caffeine
You’re bad to me, so bad to me, oh girl you’re like caffeine
- Cause ur like my caffeine , yoseob ♥
This system quickly intensified over central Texas, causing 60 MPH winds and golf-ball sized hail. A small tornado was also reported but not confirmed.
I chose this photo cause its starting to feel like people are looking in !! and im not sure what their looking at I think they look past me and go right into the mirror to see what that side of my life looks like.
I guess its cool in a way but its weird also im just me !! ive been fucked up me my whole life and now people are interested in my story and in my photos and its AMAZING but so bizarre!!!!
I met with the publicist today at a coffee place in town which was so weird ! when the bill came which is my worst part always!! She immediately said on me! Which was very nice… (I only had juice anyway ) she said some wonderful things and was talking about some amazing connections shes gonna try do for me I need her for the rest of my life to promote my work ! fuck but she probably costs allot of money. Anyway as we were ending the meeting and saying great and wow and thanks I didn’t know what to do with my self cause she was till sitting and I thought I'd wait to get up with her and then she said " im gonna stay here for a bit" so I thought oh shit!! How embarrassing !!!!!!!!!! it took all my confidence !! I was gonna go to the framing place to show them the paper I've printed on to make sure it sticks and to see the place and I just couldn’t go in ! all my anxiety came flooding in !! and I couldn’t cope all of a sudden. My mom sais its funny I can show my nude photos but I can't be in a restaurant without freaking out ! I guess that’s what people will always ask me …and that’s what people will never understand hu…
So now after 6 months on flickr I get an email asking me if I can send some photos for an article in a website their writing about me !! now that I have a publicist that doesn’t allow anything to be written about me without her consent!! Anyway I emailed her asking if its ok .. it will suck if she sais no…but its all about my ARTIST persona and how it all looks so she said… I don’t know I'm just me… you know… fucked up me… I'm not an artist I'm maybe !! a photographer and I can't even call me self that cause I'm not making any money from it or working at it am I …
Been a while since I've got a whole clear night to do some shooting. Got skunked last weekend up in the mountains, cloudy all weekend at night, so I spent yesterday watching the IR satellites trying to decide whether or not risking another trip up there. Wasn't looking good with the monsoonal moisture we've been getting every day here in Utah so instead I decided to make the quick trip out to Delle and shoot the infamous bus. Moon was just about set so I decided to get snapping so I could get the Rho Ophiuchi Complex still in the sky, it's getting later in the year now and there's limited time before that region sets below the horizon. Used some small puck lights to illuminate the interior of the bus and my red headlamp to light myself up. Exterior lighting is caused by the truck stop that's a few hundred yards away.
6 shots for this image, 4 for the sky, 2 for the foreground, all shot consecutively with no gaps in time/tripod location. Shot with a Nikon D800E on a Sky Watcher Star Adventurer tracking mount, sky shots are 2 minute exposures at ISO 800 and f2.8, foreground shots are 2 minute exposures at ISO 400 and f2.8. No stacking done, just stitching to create a wider field of view.