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Continuing my theme of posting my early cross-dressing efforts between the period of November 2000 and December 2003 I am posting another picture from my first few efforts at learning how to cross-dress as a woman.
Unlike in my younger years by the time I emerged from the closet and finally gave in to my desire to dress as a woman the Internet had arrived. I naturally began to use it for research about my transvestism as I still had big issues with my wanting to dress as a female back then.
In the course of my research I came across pictures of transvestites that made my jaw drop and I recall being awestruck. How could they have cleavage? How could they have a flat genital area? How could they have such female looking eyebrows? I was amazed by a great many of the transformations I saw. Then, something I was disturbed by, I knew these women were really men but I found them attractive! I eventually came to realise this was testament to their skills in creating a female appearance. Despite knowing they were men they did such a fantastic job of looking female I could only see them as women. As much as it was disturbing for me as an heterosexual male it was also incredibly inspiring. My ambitions to emulate their achievements gathered momentum.
I soon learned on the Internet the techniques for the cleavage and flat genitals and realised if one wanted a female eyebrow shape then the reality was you had to commit yourself to actually plucking them into a thinner more shaped brow. This is something one cannot hide so initially I was nervous and only did token amounts of plucking and shaping. These days I prefer a more defined shaped eyebrow and now have enough confidence to keep my eyebrows regularly plucked.
When I discovered that if one shaved their chest and used adhesive tape and shades of blusher they could create cleavage I was so excited I just gad to try it for myself. I did find it very uncomfortable and over a period of time it was physically painful but the illusion of having cleavage made me giddy with excitement. Once I wore a bra, fitted my breast forms and combined that with the taped up chest and make-up shading I was totally thrilled with the result.
This photo, in fact it is actually a still frame from a DV video camera taken in December 2000 as I did not have a stills camera back then and digital cameras were very new to the market in that period. I would video myself and capture a still frame on my computer using a computer card I had bought precisely for this purpose. The images are very low resolution as a result but at the time it gave me the privacy I needed to get stills of myself cross-dressed. I needed to chart my progress and see how I was doing with my explorations into transvestism.
I can see I was very inexperienced as the cleavage is a not too subtly shaded in the picture and I find my choice of wig back then well…interesting…but this was quite a powerful moment for me on an emotional level. I admit I was terrified and elated at the same time but after two decades of suppression dressing up and taking this picture was quite a moment!
I think it fair to say I was thrilled with how I felt that evening, never as a man had imagined I would actually wear make-up, put on lots of mascara and lipstick, a wig, have cleavage, the sensation of breasts, a flat female looking genital area, shaved chest and legs, wear a skirt and high heels and generally lose myself in feeling girlie…it was wonderful, absolutely an amazing moment in my life to do this. Why oh why had I suppressed it for so long? All those wasted years!
I have decided to produce a video documentary this year about my being a transvestite, the time has arrived where I need to move my cross-dressing to a new level and have new experiences. For fifteen years I have had little confidence or belief in my abilities to look like a woman. Posting on Flickr and reading the comments has had an effect upon me plus the personal support and encouragement from certain wonderful ladies. I now owe the current Helene to these ladies and to all of you who have written such kind and complimentary words about my efforts to look like a woman.
I genuinely felt I failed in my efforts and looked hopeless but I am now having pause for thought about this. So many kind people tell me I can look like a woman that I realise the thing that is holding me back is me, I am my own stumbling block.
Something is changing within me and it fills me with great excitement for the future. I feel I now need to actually set free Helene and when I dress as her I need to be her. Part of me desires to be a woman, I am a transvestite but I do have an element of the transsexual that adds to my desire to pass as a female. I think rather than blanking things I should utilise them to enable me to more complete as a person. This means freeing Helene now and again but making the experience more fulfilling rather than being frightened in private yet emotionally delighted I have become a (temporary) woman. The time to step onto a new path is here.
Making a video documentary is something I have wanted to do for several years now but of course just sitting in a room or shooting pointless shots, like my driving video, is all a bit dull and aimless. I have a story of my own and how it has influenced and shaped my adult life and I know how elated I feel as Helene. There are issues that troubled me I have got over and others that still persist. I now want to open up about this and make a record of it. Making the video will be a rewarding experience for me though I suspect I am being highly self indulgent and it is probably a vanity project.
It would be fantastic to meet up with other transvestites on the video and hear their own experiences and motivations, we are after all quite a diverse social group and yet most of us have to keep our gentle desire a secret in our lives. At times I could weep.
Thank you to you all you have changed my self perception, my belief and encouraged new ambitions for my female alter-ego. I feel enthused and more convinced about my appearance. You are all lovely people.
Helene x
Beyer Garratt 6029 simmers away at Thirlmere waiting for the staff to be delivered to the driver before the train is permitted to travel the single line section between Thirlmere and Picton.
Staff and Ticket safeworking is all but extinct in New South Wales, having been used extensively across the world for over 140 years
Rainford junction signal box looking west in the summer of 2016. An eastbound train has just come off the single track section from Kirkby with a train for Blackburn.
A view captured at Dingwall in July 1987, where Class 37/0 37114 'Dunrobin Castle' had stopped for the issue of the RETB [Radio Electronic Token Block] authority for the driver to continue the journey with a loaded ballast train from Inverness to Strathcarron.
All images on this site are exclusive property and may not be copied, downloaded, reproduced, transmitted, manipulated or used in any way without expressed written permission of the photographer. All rights reserved – Copyright Don Gatehouse
37415 approaches the Highland Railway cabin at Clachnaharry on 28/6/86.This is still in use to control access to the Muirtown basin in Inverness
Olympus OM1N K64 film
Copyright David Price
No unauthorised use please
taken pretty much from the back of the car from a public car park. Shows how beautiful an area it is if you can randomly stop any where and still get scenery like this
The driver of 66068 takes the token from the signaller at at Great Rocks for the single line section to Buxton on 12th May 2022 with 6Z61 1309 Peak Forest to Briggs
So I usually don’t post my tokens - but why not?
It’s not that I’m trying to hide who made them - I generally try to make it pretty obvious - but incase someone’s broke or you couldn’t figure out - surprise it’s me!
I built a few different ones this years cause I’m an overachiever, and was going to spread them out between BW and BFVA -
The Classic FrogPod - but in ATLAS colour scheme to match my SHIP.
Smash Bros - (wrong) Simon character - for SBC stage guys - apparently most people didn’t think it was funny... but I did.
Chonkey Mech - ... what more can I say? it’s so cute and awesome - for cute and awesome builds and builders
Stuffed Hobbes- goes with the my replica Stuffed Hobbes - originally was going to be my only Token this year... but you know - I like making Tokens :D
Sorry for the delay - I actually got really distracted building for BFVA (cause I didn’t start till after BW) and didn’t finish up all my BW recaps.
The driver of 60015 exchanges tokens with the signaller at Great Rocks Jcn.
The 60 has worked from Dowlow to Buxton and then reversed to traverse the former Midland line through to Great Rocks. With the reversal, token exchange and a driver change at Peak Forest, it is possible to photograph this working several times in the Buxton area before it disappears into Doveholes tunnel and heads off towards Ashburys on the outskirts of Manchester.
6th April 2018.
© Stephen Veitch - All rights reserved. Please do not use my images without permission.
A TOKEN is the topic for Monday 14th October 2019
When my daughter was in the Seabee"s she gave me this token, very proud of all she has done in her life.
On 16 June 2025 another route leaning trip was organised in preparation for Belmond's 'Britannic Explorer' luxury rail tours that start next month, this working was 0Z37, the 08.15 Coleham to Haverfordwest via the Heart of Wales Line, the locomotive was again, Swietelsky's 37405. I am generaly not a great fan of images of light engine movements, so opted for this shot, the driver and signaller at Pantyffynnon exchange tokens on what was to become a very pleasantly warm day.
The token is surrendered as KSR ZDM-3 diesel-hydraulic 709 arrives at Kumarhatti Dagshai station with the Mail Express 52456, the 10:40 Shimla to Kalka Junction. The train will wait here for a Shimla bound service to cross before the token for the next section of its journey south is obtained.
All images on this site are exclusive property and may not be copied, downloaded, reproduced, transmitted, manipulated or used in any way without expressed written permission of the photographer. All rights reserved – Copyright Don Gatehouse
My dear Friends, photographers and artists,
It is sad to say, but this will be my last posts for the indefinite future, however I thought I owe a big gratitude to all of you for your inspiration, support and friendship. Here is a token of my appreciation to you all.
It is a sad Moment…
It is time to say farewell
trapped in frozen words, I thought.
I’ll trance in your memories
I’ll dream of a summer dawn
holding your hands
Not minding the clouds above
I’ll walk through the rain
Counting the ripples left behind
I’ll close my eyes, open my arms and
Smell the love planted in my heart.
The little thoughts of you
fulfilling my soul.
…
Anytime, anyplace
our heart may meet again
Searching for each little grain
“Of light, color or exposure”
A blue moon, a bleeding dusk
a season past and going by
Or a new dawn kissing the sky…
They all told me the story of your life
And I told you mine…
With each story, we hoped
to touch a heart somewhere
or reach a soul somehow
But now, trapped in frozen words,
my feelings are on the run
my skin is numb
and my eyes in tear
For however sad…
“it is my time to say farewell”
“Cyrus H. Mafi Copyright 2011”
The bobby takes the token from the 2nd man on 40106 as the driver slows his train to dead slow for the final approach to Bewdley station with the 0945 Bridgnorth to Kidderminster. 37263 was hitching a ride.
The event was the Severn Valley Railways Winter Diesel Gala which did feature a small Kettle number 7714 also.
"By all these lovely tokens
September days are here,
With summer's best of weather,
And autumn's best of cheer."
Helen Hunt Jackson
© Copyright Nikolay Jovnovich - All rights reserved.
* Lightbox: Best seen in larger size on black (click image above)
The driver of 66115 collects the token at Pantyffynnon signal box for its journey on the line to the left to Gwaen Cae Gurwen open cast coal mine on the 6B15 from Swansea Burrows. The train will return to Swansea Burrows loaded with anthracite and another train will transport the coal to Onllwyn for washing and blending. The processed coal is currently dispatched from Onllwyn to Scunthorpe steel works on Mondays by Freightliner and to Immingham on Thursdays by DBS for smokeless fuel consumption.
Pantyffynnon was the junction for the Brynamman branch along the Amman Valley, which was closed to passengers in 1958, well before the Beaching Act. Considerable coal traffic used the line (to the left) until the demise of coal mining in the valley. However, in 2009 after many years without trains, the line was reopened to Gwaun Cae Gurwen open cast coal mine, operated by Celtic Energy.
A variety of New York City transit tokens, along with an Italian telephone token. Every time the subway fare was raised, it was a guessing game whether the MTA would issue a new token or not. Sometimes they did, sometimes not.
The view from the south end of Craven Arms station platform, where BR 37429 was recorded approaching with the 1M17 13:23 Cardiff Central to Liverpool Lime Street service in June 1988.
All images on this site are exclusive property and may not be copied, downloaded, reproduced, transmitted, manipulated or used in any way without expressed written permission of the photographer. All rights reserved – Copyright Don Gatehouse
Tokens are exchanged as Collett designed 14XX 0-4-2T no.1450 brings the auto train into Blue Anchor station.
2018 WSR Spring Steam Gala
The driver of 66772 hands over the single line token from Buxton to the signalman at Great Rocks Junction.
Caught out of position for the 170 minute early running 12.55 Briggs Steetley - Ashburys (6H52) aggregates off Dowlow I settled for this shot of the Driver handing the token to the Bobby at Great Rocks Junction box - recorded for posterity an everyday occurence for now, but who knows how long it will last.
The loco is DBS Shed 66109 and the token being deposited covers the single line section from Buxton.
27th August 2014
Stanier Mogul 13268 steams away from Ramsbottom station, with the driver collecting the token from the signaller as the train heads north. Seen on a Richard Newton/3P20 Parcels Group photo charter on the East Lancashire Railway.
Locomotive: London Midland and Scottish Railway Stanier Class 5 2-6-0 13268.
Location: Ramsbottom, Lancashire.