View allAll Photos Tagged thinking
Athan stops to think about a question that Mom asked. I can't recall what she asked but clearly Athan wanted to think abou it.
I wrote this in my blog a little while ago and I haven't read over it but I liked ti while I was writing it so ignore grammer errors if you can. Any who. My brain sorta works like this.
My hair seems to be unbearably greasy, not to mention seeing the movie, with the buttery popcorn, then smoothing my fingers through my unwashed hair. I feel gross. I need a shower, which I shall do soon. I don’t usually not wash my hair for more than a day, but I didn’t have time this morning, and I took a quick shower yesterday, not getting that wonderful true feeling I usually get while taking my hour long showers.
Am I crazy enough? Why do I like it when you tell me how useless and washed up and uncreative I am? I suppose it helps me realize how not special I am, because I’m not. You might be, but I’m not, though I tend to think I am when I’m looking across the sidewalk, or across the class room watching your eyes as you look off thinking of something else, something that doesn’t really matter, like how long until it’s lunch, or how cute that boy from that library was, when he walked by you barely touching your arm because there wasn’t enough room between the two shelves to pass comfortably, or even the book as your following the words, memorizing the story, waiting to see how the silly assigned reading is going to go. Now I can’t seem to pay attention, it’s just not interesting me unless I’m the one reading it, your voice is annoying me, and you trip over easy words and you read too slow. This will take forever with you reading. And my eyes drop off your not unusual face, it being too much like the others around you, you don’t seem to look special to me. Not like those people from the Internet and the TV who have a different elegance and style to their face, one not seen in this simple town I’ve been in for 16 years. My eyes rather, move down to this sudoku, and I count quietly out loud trying to distract myself, so that there aren’t too many thought going at once, so I’m not tiring myself out. But I am, my minds stressing, it’s getting exhausted and it’s not even noon yet. When I go home, and I’m reaching for the sheets, like how one opens a simple letter from a friend, one that will never and has never really meant anything to them as they write it, because all your trying to express things through words is just not realized to others. I push my fingers under the soft, and still yet cool pillows and reach for the top of the comforter, around the blankets and pull, as if opening this useless none meaningful letter, carefully pulling it open to keep it’s shape in tact as to not rip it. And I climb up on my bed over the sheets, and then in between them under them. But the sheets were made too tight, and it’s too uncomfortable and strained, and so I pull on the sheets more, I pull them out, you, me, tearing open the envelope because the letter does not want to show itself yet, and I make myself comfortable, all the hard work of assembling the bed put to waste, I toss the extra pillows on the floor. I only need this one, it’s satiny cool touches my face, once like your hand might’ve as you were falling asleep, and I was watching you, waiting as you fell, because no, no I couldn’t fall asleep. But when I’m alone in my bed and my mind is too tired to race I’m easily falling asleep. But these dreams. God damn them, making my brain never stop turning. Perhaps that’s why I’m always so tired when I get up. I’m a silly dreamer. My brain won’ stop, and I can’t get this sleep that I’ve been longing for, ever since I remembered my first dream, or was it that nightmare? The one with the blue background and the cartoon yellow/brown ship, and the cartoon skeletons chasing after me with their pirate knives, how many times have I had this dream? Maybe it was even the one where the sun is chasing me around my own house and I’m hiding under the windows, and I can feel the heat of this star pouring over the edges, and I can feel his eyes looking for me, and he makes a corner to look in another room, and I get up and run, and I see dinosaurs having a tea party in my backyard, and I wake up in my parents bed, and I had a dream within a dream. This dream I had once before, twice in all maybe even more, but the unrelenting sun, what was I supposed to make of such an ominous thing?
Another resist-card.
Stamped with Versamark on glossy paper, covered with two different colors of Hero Hues chalk ink. I tried to make them blend, like I do with Distress Inks, but no such luck! Had to cover up with the ribbon, so it came out all right.
TFL!
yeah you.
there are a few of you here who i have corresponded with in a fashion that i would categorize under "friendship". in the past by this point i would've showered you with masses of missives (bidden or not!) because - aside from that having been a large, active, essential part of my expressive nature over the years - it was part of my desire to gift those i liked, cared about with something i could afford: my attention.
fast forward ... these past few days i have fretted over thinking of how anxious & frustrated i've been over not getting back to those of you who have written or vox'd me in recent weeks/months. and you know how it goes - the more time passes, the worse you feel, and then the harder it gets to catch up.
but, in addition to circumstances (enormous family stress, traveling cross-country again, being very very sick for 2 weeks post travel & that recovery, beginning another new period of gradual relocation etc.) i find myself also facing another? life period? something, where all i can come up with is: "i'm not who i used to be anymore. more things are being lost to me. and i can't pretend otherwise."
in this case i can't "catch up" like i used to, keep up, write as much, respond to everyone like i want/need to. i'm tireder, overwhelmed, busier (or so it feels), yet more internal & quiet for longer periods of time, more distracted, less able to concentrate & less often, less motivated, more discouraged, (more heartbroken), less inclined to "get involved" in things, the like.
so. tonight i sat down to try to write at least one of you, and couldn't choose one over another without feeling guilty. and then this came to mind, this photo. you may/may not realize it but i don't post many self-portraits anymore (and i think recent ones have all been back shots, abstractions). yeah this one is highly edited, but it is my face, in glaring light, looking right at you.
because i want you to know, that i may not be able to write, write back, respond to details, at least right now. but i think of you, a lot. when i like someone i think of them a lot, and at least try to keep track of them through whatever means possible. i look at your photos, read what you write, and think of you.
you are deeply appreciated.
love.
Went for a walk in the preserve by my house today. Found some pretty wild flowers & a nice thinking spot.
Based on Rodin's "The Thinker" . This Hare stand in Utrecht on Neude square
I like this statue very much
thinking woman - Thinking woman on a white background. To Download this image without watermarks for Free, visit: www.sourcepics.com/free-stock-photography/24746135-thinki...
One of the orangutan's climbed up one the transport towers (cables link up the different areas the orangutans are allowed to explore) and just stayed there. Thinking... of something, I guess?
Tech stuff: used Topaz Adjust (drama) filter at 100% for a different look to the picture. Comments?
I've returned-ish, but I am done pleasing the members of this group. I will make guns my way, whether people like it or not. Pmg is an obvious art medium, so, as an artist, I can decide what creations of mine are, or are not masterpeices
I was in the shower, thinking of new ways to put the skins, and I thought of a beautiful setup that would look like a landslide, and then I did it and it ended up like this. Enjoy
---------------------------------------------------------Setup-----------------------------------------------------
-Rainmeter-
1. myHUD's( hacked version of 10 Foot HUD)
2.Anywhere
3.Enigma
4.Next1
-Launchy-
1.YFlex.
-Visual Styles-
1.NiteXP.
-Software-
1. Rainmeter.
3. Autohotkey.
-Wallpaper-