View allAll Photos Tagged pointless
i take a lot of really similar and pointless self portraits. Lol.
Butttt, this one does have a teeny bit of editing. Which is something I haven't really done before. So, maybe it's not entirely pointless.
Gotham city police department
Jim Gordon’s sitting at his desk running his finger up and down some old Blackgate files and getting next to no work done. It may be pointless but it’s what Loeb’s got him doing so he might as well pass the time. He knows why he’s doing it. Loeb’s out in a month and his job’s going to Jim which means the sour bastard’s got him running pointless errands whilst he hangs on to what little power he has.
Harvey Dent knocks on the door and without hesitation enters
Harvey dent: Jim! I heard the good news! Came to celebrate! It’s not every day a man gets crowned commissioner of the most crooked police department known to man!
Jim Gordon: haha. Well that sure is one way to put it...uh..loebs got me on these old blackgate files for some lowlife criminal that ended a sentence a few years back. Reckons there’s some huge conspiracy going on. Loada bull
Harvey Dent: Who?
Jim Gordon: Uh...guy named Lenny...fiasco. He’s not exactly Count Dracula
Harvey Dent: Loeb gave you this case? sounds like he’s distracting you. Somethings going on. He wants you out of his way
Jim Gordon: No he’s just bitter I’m getting his job. He’s hated my guts since the day I First entered this god forsaken precinct and I’d be lying if I said the feeling wasn’t mutual
Harvey Dent: I guess that sounds about right ... but still it wouldn’t hurt to look into it. Would it
Jim Gordon: No I guess not
Harvey Bullock: Rams the sorry excuse for a door wide open with a slight hint of nialism and slumps into the age old armchair hidden away in the corner of the rundown office
Jim Gordon: Good evening to you too Harv
Harvey Dent: You heard about Jim’s promotion to commisioner then Harvey? I assume that’s why your here
Harvey Bullock: Yeah I heard. wouldn’t miss it for the world.
He then pulls out a large bottle of rum and three dirty glasses from an almost invisible wooden cabinet under Jim’s desk
Jim Gordon: Since when was that there
Harvey Bullock: Before you were here I’ll tell ya that much buddy.
He then pours the three glasses with a reckless yet exact precision and slides them across the desk to the other two
Harvey Dent: Smells about right anyway
Jim Gordon: Ah thanks Harv. I needed this
Harvey Bullock: To Jim Gordon. A hero, partner and friend. Yada yada yada.
Jim Gordon: Heh I’m moved
Harvey Dent: hey I have to ask. Have you guys seen the news stories on gothams latest nutcase. The bat. I mean I’ll be straight up. I couldn’t care less if he knocks a few heads together. as long as he gets the job done that is. Cos Yknow I’m a man of the law and all but if he wants to make my job a hell of a lot easier then he’s welcome to it
Jim Gordon: yeah I saw them. And I can’t help but agree. I’ll be honest I’ve got somewhat of a past of going outside the law myself and I’m not too proud of that but sometimes in Gotham,The law can’t help those who need it and that’s why he’s here
Harvey Bullock : couldn’t care less. Just means less work for me. Now if ya don’t mind, I’ve got a bottle of rum to drink
The three talk loudly from night into the morning as if to forget all the hell they put up with in this goddamn city of theirs
——————————————————
The same night on the streets of Gotham
Several junkies gather round an archway surrounded by the stench of half used heroine needles and their own human waste. They sit there shaking in the cold and saying nothing but the odd mumble under their breath. Another emerges from the archway trying desperately to peek the interest of the other four.
He speaks in a heavily laboured tone:you all need to...come see. You need to see this....it’s a crazy thing. He’s a crazy thing...but great!...come now. You gotta see
Another speaks back:who?..who is it? Jon! Who is it?
Jon looks back half distracted by a small flame in the distance at the end of the street: you see ....that light?..the fire?
The other speaks back: yeah...I see it...what about it?
Jon: come now....You gotta see..it...you gotta
The response is one of reluctance and annoyance: yeah yeah. We coming...We coming. Give it time
The two of them get to their feet and stumble off into the distance towards the great flames leaving the rest to shiver helplessly on Gothams cruel streets
just 20 or 30 feet above the old archway,a bat is perched listening carefully to every word spoken. The bat speaks through a comme in his cowl
Batman: Alfred.
Alfred Pennyworth: yes master Bruce? What is it you have stumbled across this time?
Batman: nothing I’ve found. just the word of a few bums over by Newport street. I’m going to follow the two of them to whatever they’re headed for. I’ll send you my coordinates when I find something. Have the Rolls ready as a back up plan if this one goes sideways
Alfred Pennyworth: by this one you mean jumping into an unnecessary scrape with a group of dangerous hooligans on a street corner completely unprepared?
Batman: that’s one way of putting it
Alfred pennyworth: do just try to keep yourself in one piece this time will you. It Would be an absolute shame if you were to have this lovely new hobby of yours cut short after only a month or two
Batman:positive as always Alfred. I’ll contact you when I find something.
A pointless diversion....
Thanks to all the silly ‘spaces for people’ bollards in the town, buses from parts of Lanarkshire that come through the city centre can no longer access Buchanan Bus Station from George Square as the roads that cover the east and west sides of the square have been closed. The west side closure seems particularly odd as it’s also necessitated the relocation of the city tour buses, so that a nearby pub can use the road instead as a beer garden....only in Glasgow....
Anyway here we see 67063 (SN65ZFB) approaching the bus station from the other direction after a rather unnecessarily long convoluted diversion through the city centre. Branded up for the 240 service that it’s on, these buses are being slowly repainted in the new livery style. They were some of the earliest branded buses and initially wore the branding on their olympia livery.
pointless
All items in my etsy shop are 20% off with the code SUMMER2013 through May 31st www.etsy.com/shop/elizamoonbeamvintage
With a classical full stock design, this gun's uniqueness comes from the bit's of modern elements scattered through out it. These elements feature include it's user-comfort handguard and a complex gas system. designed as a reliable weapon for low and low/mid range shooting. The LSR23A4 shoots the powerful .45 APC. This round gives a huge advantage over fire power but a slight disadvantage in accuracy.
An Artist and Two Rats – A tale for children
There lived an artist. He was funny-looking in appearance. His hands were often soiled with paints, and on the tip of his nose there was usually a black smudge from the chalk that he used to draw his sketches. The artist was very forgetful. He could forget to eat lunch. He could forget to go to sleep when it was dark and everyone else was asleep. He could forget a lot of things. In addition to his forgetfulness, he also had a strange quality: although we wasn’t deaf, sometimes he would be thinking so hard, he wouldn’t hear when he was spoken to. He might simply be thinking about a new picture and not answer a question. So people sometimes assumed that he was, in fact, deaf, and started to talk louder to him. And this was very funny.
The artist lived in a large studio with enormous windows right under the attic of a five-story building. Sometimes he walked up the stairs to the dark and mysterious attic. The attic lured him with its secret treasures.
A bottle of milk, fresh bread, some fruit, a few boiled eggs, and a piece of smoked meet—all very appetizing looking—were brought to his door daily. He almost never left his studio. In this habitat, an artist is almost like a crawfish: never getting out of its shell, filled with secretive plans and ideas.
The artist lived like this—like a hermit—for many years, because he was a man who dedicated himself to one obsession: he wanted to paint many pictures. He dreamed a lot about a time when he would come out from his studio with a thousand paintings and stun the entire world with his art. He didn’t even think about fun and pleasantries. He could think of nothing but his pictures. Outsiders thought he was a little odd, but people around him knew that he was very kind and funny. But they also knew that it was pointless to talk to him; even if they only asked how is he was doing, he might answer with an unrelated question like: “Does it look like it going to rain? Looks cloudy!” He was always concerned with the rain, because he knew that clouds would block the sun, and there would be no light in his studio. He would not be able to work on his pictures, because it is very important for an artist to have a lot of daylight to see the true color of paints. Artificial light changes colors; blue seems a bit green in the yellowish light, for instance.
Sometimes the artist felt very lonely. He had no friends, and sometimes he desperately wanted to chat with someone. As he occasionally could forget to eat his food, it sometimes remained on the table until the next day. But the next day the artist would notice that the bread, cheese, and eggs had been chewed on a little. He thought that he might not be as lonely as it seemed. After that, even if he ate all the food he would leave some crumbs on the table.
Fabyan Forest Preserve
Geneva, Illinois (shot west from here 41.870647, -88.307661)
I've heard the story recently (probably apocryphal) that Colonel Fabyan had an ongoing conflict with the Army Corps of Engineers regarding his construction on the Fox River (his estate spanned the river). They argued that the river was navigable and that prevented some of the things that he wanted to do. So he built this lighthouse to help with the "navigation" on the river (with all of the dams and weirs along the Fox, it isn't useful for anything but recreational boating).
March 17, 2020
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fabyan_Villa
COPYRIGHT 2020 by JimFrazier All Rights Reserved. This may NOT be used for ANY reason without written consent from Jim Frazier.
200317cz7-56471600
Spotted this at Packwood House, a tiny ladybird on an Allium trying to rescue another ladybird that had been caught and spun by a spider.
The image that has been painted over was created by an artist called Guido van Helten. It is illustrated on p. 143 of the wonderful book Chamberlain, L. 2015 Street Art Australia. published by Explore Australia in Richmond Victoria. On p. 141 there is an illustration of the equally magnificent painting of an Aboriginal face by Adnate, which is located about 100m from the van Helten face.
In case anyone wants to know, the firm is called Valley Kitchens. I would not be using them.
WYV27T was a Leyland Titan TNLXB2RRsp / Park Royal H66D new to London Regional Transport (T27) in May 1979. It was photographed on a short-lived service which added short-workings onto service 4 and increased competition with First Glasgow and City Sprinter, but had one great weakness. The buses were taken off at around 3 o'clock to go and do school contracts, which meant that when the service should have been busy, it didn't run, which really seemed pointless and no doubt led to it's early demise. The service was a joint operation of Western and Stagecoach Glasgow , so the fleetnames used just said "Stagecoach".
The eastbound North Coast Hiawatha, led by a SDP40F/FP7 lashup, meets a pair of SDP40Fs on the westbound Empire Builder in late 1973. The SDP40Fs were the first new locomotives purchased by Amtrak and were assigned to transcontinental routes.
The models are from Athearn; the Hiawatha belongs to Greg Ryan and the Empire Builder is Craig Willett's.
Photo by Greg Ryan.
Visit the HO scale club on-line at www.napmltd.com.
As pointless as a broken pencil - part two
As part of Glasgow City Council’s relentless policy of making getting about Glasgow as difficult as possible unless you’re a cyclist - who tend to cycle on the pavements anyway in my experience - the Council in their infinite stupidity...I mean wisdom....have turned Gordon Street outside Central Station to one way traffic heading eastbound.
This has meant as a result the Glasgow Stationlink bus can no longer stop underneath the Central Station canopy for the first time since the service begun back in the 1980s. So it’s been moved from its convenient location under the canopy, protecting passengers from the elements, to a hastily erected bus stop outside a nearby Co-op supermarket in Union Street. This means potential passengers have to head out a side entrance, down some stairs, cross a busy road and then get on the bus, a far more inconvenient location. If you’ve got mobility issues you’ve got an even longer walk to it. Then, the Council in their infinite stupidity they’ve also blocked the bus lane in North Hanover street and closed of parts of George Square for the same daft reasons leaving this bus with a more convoluted route now. How is this supposed to improve public transport and encourage people back on to it is best left to these so called traffic planning experts.
Here is 41602 (SN65ZHA) pausing for a breather at its new terminus.
Amtrak 156 one of the Amtrak heritage units makes it's rounds on the Pere Marquette as it passes a farm south of Holland... hard to believe but in a few short hours it will be on it's way to California on the Southwest Chief.
Oblio & Arrow are banished to the Pointless Forest
Pointless you say - - Well, a point in every direction - is the same as No Point at all
"Your opinion of yourself, and to a slightly lesser extent, the opinions of those that Love you are the only opinions you should ever concern yourself with."
"Finding happiness and fulfillment within is priceless and every other opinion is effectively pointless in the long run."
Period.
Folks have been asking how Em did down at Nationals and I've been trying to think of how to relate it, because it's more than just she won or she lost...
Lets start with the facts:
1. Em didn't win the National Title.
2. She didn't make the Top 15.
3. She didn't win either of the two optionals she entered.
4. I couldn't be happier about any of that.
I watched Em "compete" against 67 other girls under the age of 7 for a "National Title" this last Thanksgiving week. There were precious few of that Top 15 that had a whole lot of the little girl that should be there left in them. I am not talking about there being a bunch of girls that acted like they were older. Even Em does that from time to time, I think every kid does. I am talking about little girls, many of which were shells of the children they should be, even when there was no competition to be had.
And after watching them interact, I blame no one else but their parents.
Don't get me wrong, she made friends. We met some really nice, well adjusted people. They were the exception to the rule, and that just doesn't compute for me.
When it was all over, we were going to go out for a celebratory supper with the family of the Sweetheart Division winner for Alaska, the next age group up from Em's.
While Mom was getting ready, Em and I had a moment:
Em: *out of the blue* "I'm sad, Papa. I really wanted to win."
Me: "I know, Honey. I'm sorry. Did you do the best you could? Did you play fair and were you polite to the other girls?"
Em: "Yeah. I think I did." *pauses* "I dunno..."
Me: "Well, the thing to remember from this whole thing is that if you do the best you can, no matter what it is that you are doing, even if you don't win or place or whatever, is that there is nothing else you could do. Everything else is out of your control, and that's something you can hold on to. Your best. It doesn't matter if you are doing pageants, or playing baseball or doing a spelling bee or whatever. "
**Pause while she tries her best to digest what I just said. : )**
Me: "I know that's hard for you to understand right now. Try it this way... What I'm trying to say is that your opinion of yourself, what *you* think, well, it's the only thing, and I really mean the only thing that will ever matter, Em. Ever. Today? Well, today you found out the opinion of 5 grown ups who don't even know you. That's all."
**She fights with her brother for a minute, because he's a boy and annoying and then she stops and looks at the bed in the hotel for a bit...**
Em: "Do you mean that if I think I should have won, I really did?"
Me: *chuckling* "Sorta. Another way to say it is that if you're happy with yourself, if you tried your best, and you really know it in your heart? Then, yeah. :-) You really did win something, Em. Much more than Jenna (Overall Winner from NJ) did today. Much, much more. You won something that you never, ever have to give up. Next year? Next year she has to give up her crown and title. Not you. What you won, you never have to let go of. Ever."
**She looks right at me, and says...**
Em: "Papa? I gotta go potty."
Me: *laughing* "Off you go."
**She comes back in a little and says...**
Em: "I think I did the best I could, Papa. I guess I could have smiled more or something, but I just wasn't happy."
Me: "Were you sad? Nervous?"
Em: "I wasn't sad. I just wasn't happy!" *puts hands on hips.* "Papa?!? It's really hard to smile when you're not happy. It's hard to fake it!"
Me: "I'm glad you said that. I wouldn't want you to be any other way."
Em: "But I'm happy now!"
**She smiles. A pause. Then Jacob stretches a little while watching some TV and gently touches her with his foot.**
Em: "STOP IT, JACOB! LEAVE ME ALONE, DANGIT!"
And just like that, everything is back to the norm and the talk changes to Disney World and Blizzard Beach for the next three days. Just a little girl and her family on a great vacation.
Just as it should be. :-)
Teaser photos get kind of pointless once you already know which photo series I’m continuing on a given week, but they at least afford me the opportunity to squeeze in some extra pics that didn’t make the cut for the length of the Saturday uploads at least :P Case in point, here you’re looking at the gas station in the Horn Lake Walmart Supercenter parking lot. This place holds some significance, in that it’s not a Murphy USA gas station but a true Walmart-branded fuel center (complete with convenience store to boot, although I’m not quite sure what one would purchase in there when you’ve got a 24/7 superstore just yards away, lol!). This was the first of its kind to open in DeSoto County, but another one has followed over at the Olive Branch Walmart, retroactively giving that store a fuel center (as it never had one on the property beforehand). I haven’t been by to see or photograph it myself, but as usual, l_dawg2000 has been there, done that which I have not! :D
-------------------
Because I have an apartment this year, I have to clean. When I clean, I listen to music. And when I listen to music, you guys get the picks of my playlist!
In addition to those eight, here's this one as well, just for kicks. Fun fact: I actually met the stars of both of those shows, in Memphis, back in 2011. Tween me was really proud of that. Meanwhile, pushing-20 me is a bit startled to hear that it’s already been a decade since iCarly premiered.
EDIT: Aaaaand this makes me feel even older.
Walmart Fuel Center // 4150 Goodman Road W, Horn Lake, MS 38637
(c) 2017 Retail Retell
These places are public so these photos are too, but just as I tell where they came from, I'd appreciate if you'd say who :)
3 of Keighley & District's 16 Transbus Mini Pointer Darts off the road for a Tuesday afternoon. 708 (YJ04LXR) 709 (YJ04LXS) 717 (YJ04LYA) are seen parked up at the back of the garage, must have been some substitutions with B10's this day.
Here are three last propaganda pieces I made for an upcoming show in Detroit.
And now that I have featured pretty much all of my favorite animals and slogan variations, I think I am going to officially consider this series CLOSED.
Expect to see these pop up in my Etsy store very soon.
XO
Just why I took this photograph I have no idea as it did not fit in with my 15 year + age criteria in operation for all but my 'favourite' fleets. However I kept the image nonetheless. GM Buses had thirty of these Northern Counties bodied MCW Metrobuses painted in GM Express livery. 5207 (C207 FVU) was working service 400 to Manchester Airport when observed at the bus station in Stockport on September 4th 1994.
There are always a few pencils to sharpen when my grandchildren have been colouring!!
2015 Weekly Alphabet Challenge. Week 43. P is for Pointless.
TrentBarton Volvo B8RLE 775 in the bright and cheerful Two livery - it's always bugged me that Trent add 'the' to the start of some of their route names, especially ones that were previously called '[whatever] Connection' - no one's going to say "I'm going to catch the TrentBarton The Two" whereas "I'm going to catch the TrentBarton Rainbow Two" or "I'm going to catch the TrentBarton Keyworth Connection" works quite well.
I suppose you just have to treat it as you would a band name that starts with 'The', only saying the 'The' when it sounds right and leaving it out when it doesn't, like you might say "a compilation of Beatles tracks" rather than "a compilation of The Beatles tracks" (without an apostrophe, at least). It still irks me that it says 'the' on the side of the bus though, whatever they were intending when they came up with it.
It doesn't even work that well with The Two as there are many other bus routes numbered 2 so if you said "The Two" people wouldn't always know you meant the TrentBarton one like they might with "The Cotgrave" or one of the others. I suppose it's lucky we don't have The Indigo, The Red Arrow and The Skylink too, because that really would be annoying.
I mean, I'm not saying every route beginning with 'the' is bad, after all The Villager and The Sixes make sense because those brands are unique to TrentBarton, rather than just a town/village name or a number - and to a certain degree you might say the 'The Calverton/Cotgrave/Keyworth/whatever' make some sense, but it is still pretty lame following them being called 'connection', and The Two just takes the biscuit for being the most pointless.
Rant over (for now)
:P
Pimlico station London Underground, a lone passenger waits for the tube....Shot on the way to Wembley just prior to Wigan Athletics' historic FA Cup Final win against Manchester City - completely unrelated but just thought I'd mention it again :-)
View my most interesting shots on Flickriver here: www.flickriver.com/photos/pete37038/popular-interesting/
The always rather pointless canopy over the Regent Centre Metro Interchange has reached the end of the road and is pictured with demolition taking place on August 3rd 2026. Arriva Northumbria's BYD BD11 8001 LF75PCV has arrived from the Haymarket Bus Station on a Service 43 to Cramlington and will continue its journey by exiting the interchange with a left turn at the entrance. Buses heading south don't use the Interchange but use a temporary stop further down the High Street.
The Tyne & Wear Metro line from Regent Centre to the Airport will be closed from Saturday August 15th to Sunday August 23rd 2026. Metro replacement Service 901 will operate from a stop on Hollywood Avenue both ways to the Airport and South Gosforth,
A completely pointless branding exercise was the 'Super Gem' scheme of the late eighties. Some services which had been converted to 'Little Gem' minibus operation proved to have been done in haste, and the 571/2 Great Lever circulars in Bolton proved to be a bit much for a twenty seat Dodge and they soon reverted back to conventional big bus operation.
A number of Olympians gained Super Gem branding, which in effect were just exactly the same as those without branding, they just gained some pretty stickers! Also, I'm pretty sure the 532 never became a Super Gem route further adding to the argument that route branding doesn't work.
{Portraits without series get pointless stories without ends}
‘I was surprised, I was happy for a day, in 1975’
It's 2am on a Friday night. I’m in a dingy corner of a dingy nightclub, sweat is dripping from the walls, the DJ is playing the 4th interminable Belle and Sebastian track of the night and worst of all, my beer is broken. What I want to be is drunk and somewhere else instead of here and sober. No, what I want to be is very drunk and anywhere else rather than this sweaty wee room that is trying to pass itself off as a den of iniquity.
I’m crouched in this corner alone. My friends are either engrossed in conversations with people I don’t know and don’t care to know or are bopping their schmindie little bops on the crowded dance floor. God knows how they do it. There is a time and a place for such music but the pulse and sway of a late night crowd is not. So, as I said, I’m sitting alone, in silence, staring at this malfunctioning beverage and wondering why I come to this god awful club week after week after week.
My flat being just across the road is one reason. What else? Well, my friends seem to enjoy it and if I’m honest with myself, I have some flawed hope that repetition of deed will engender some soggy form of camaraderie between me and them. It’s been a while since I’ve felt that buzz of ownership, of belonging to anything. Gone are the days of linking arms with friends and foes alike, of climbing on the stage to whirl in abandon to the force of my favourite new tune.
Sadly, for the umpteenth night, I feel nothing of the sort. I feel the opposite if I’m honest. The more often I come here and the more familiar the faces become, the more profoundly I feel that stolid lump of sadness swell up in my chest. I so want to be part of all of this. I so want to feel my feet crashing down on that dance floor, to see nothing but those flashing lights and dry ice, to hear nothing more than that next, wonderful tune. But I can’t. I don’t feel it and I can never lose myself in it. So instead I sit here in my sodden corner wondering where else on this world I could possibly go.
Home is always an option. Or at least it would be if those grey walls and quiet rooms didn’t provide such a dank welcome. It doesn’t matter if I’m there alone or if she comes around, it’s been a while since it felt like an escape or even a home. So instead I sit here, spinning out my weekends like some sad sack character from a Smiths tune. Back turned on the crowd, my eyes fixed on the floor and my head tuning it all out to nothing.
‘I’m going to write the song, that makes Israel and Palestine get along’
From the outside, Glasgow has this great indie scene. Every year at least one group stumble together a collection of songs that have nothing to do with the Glasgow I know and send them spinning across the world. Mogwai, Belle and Sebastian, Camera Obscura, The Twilight Sad, The Phantom Band, Franz Ferdinand, The Vaselines, Frightened Rabbit and on goes the list. It's commendable and I would never change it, but I do wonder how and why I have come to float around on its periphery. This nightclub is where the indie kids come for their weekly baptism of sweat and beer. This is where the collaborations are formed and the big boys, the ones that made it, can come to switch off from the wider world.
Here is a place where everybody knows your name, and yes, they are always glad you came, if only so they can feel that frisson of dancing to a Franz Ferdinand track with someone from the very same band. Here is where people aren’t just friends, they’re band mates. They are gangs and groups of knowing, oddly smug scenesters who know that, if they can just nail that elusive tune, that the roads outside are paved with tweed, chord and fanzine adulation.
‘What do I get, ohoooohoh, what do I get?’
The thing is though, I don't write songs, I can't play guitar and am the sprawling embodiment of arrhythmic. My musical ambition stretches to learning all the words to Wichita Lineman and maybe, just maybe, getting into jazz. What’s more, my hair is bluntly drab and lacks the irksome foppish flop that is in permanent fashion. And as for my clothes, well, I own a few chord jackets and have been known to frequent second hand shops from time to time but let’s just say that I have no intention of ensnaring what I consider vital organs into jeans that cling quite so tight.
Yet here I am, once again suffering a night in the National Pop League. It's the cities prima indie club where the wannabes and the never will be’s strut their swaying strut alongside the already made it. This tiny room with its bar queue and its sweating walls is the fizzing catalyst for all that spins out of this city in the way of music and song. Here is a club so full of emoting young writers and sensitive new guitar heroes that if you cut the power I swear you would here the quiet hum of a hundred unwritten songs, each one gestating inside their genteel new parent’s mind quietly waiting for the right person to unlock that particularly Glasgow combination of fop and rock from it’s unsung shackles.
‘Stay out super late tonight, picking apples, making pie’
I have no problem with this world. I admire it in a way. Here in this sweaty old social club, happy, like minded people congregate to sweat and sway their night away. What is it to me if they seek out individuality with a myriad of slanting, awkward fringes that all look the bloody same. Where is the harm if the room is packed with a prosaic parade of vintage clothes and tweed under-wear? No, there is no harm in any of this. I’ve already said that if I could lose myself in it, that this would be a moment of some not inconsiderable joy.
After all, here is a ready made world of make believe. Of big smiles when you see your little friends. Of cheering when your mate’s band get a gig. Of working behind the bar while you wait for your big break and of knowing where the party is without ever being told.
That’s the story anyway. Sometimes though, if you look closely enough, if you maybe catch a sly glance in a sweaty mirror or see a momentary drop of someone’s sensitive demeanour, that’s when you see a world where inspiration has been replaced by aspiration. The door, for this generation at least, was opened by Belle and Sebastian, Camera Obscura and Mogwai. Behind them the rest are forming a disorderly queue.
‘Dance, dance, dance to the radio’
From my corner, I see a lot of this. I watch the interactions and the mingling out there. At its best, it looks like stilted posing, at its worst; you watch the horror that is a networking session for the indie crowd.
Tonight I’m feeling especially bitter. Maybe it’s this defiant pint and it’s ineffective alcohol content, or maybe it’ sitting here watching all the jolly japes that pass for fun in here. Why don’t they see that this is a snide labyrinth of cliques and groups? What I see are people who profess to be sensitive and open minded who wander around in a politely vicious world of sniping and backbiting. I see all those girls who flirt with cold eyes and all those guys who flash you sharp smiles while they wait patiently to **** your friend.
It's a veneer I can't help but want to snap every time I see it, but what's the point? It's there, it's harmless and after all, I chose to be here. And anyway, if I could climb beneath its protective cover, wouldn’t I do just that? I’ve sought comfort in other patterns and places, I’ve sought comfort from the stability of her but it’s not enough. It’s never enough.
‘Trudging slowly over wet sand’
The third Morrissey track of the evening comes on. Have you ever tried to dance to the likes of 'Suedehead'? I have and it’s hell. Whatever innate sense of beat that lies within us all rebels against the jangling, verbose outpourings of our bequiffed hero and you find yourself jerking across the floor looking all the world like a drunk mannequin.
Tonight of all nights I’m even less inclined to repeat this feat. I'm tired. Very tired, and Mr Morrissey is not the man to shift my bones of an early morning. My eyes sag with grit and weight. My face, even in the pallid disco lights is pale and drawn. I used to be able to sit through the most drawn out nights with a ready made smile and a fidgeting sense of fun. Not in here and not tonight. It's starting to feel like I've grown old, or at least grown out of all of this. I look around me. The dance floor still bops to that polite beat, the sweat that lines the room now marks everyone's brow and all around me. These people are laughing, happily and cynically lost on the other side of the veneer. Well, everyone apart from her that is.
‘Maybe lily does the Astro’
She has been looking at me all night. Looking but never smiling. If I was being more accurate, I would say she had been staring with an aggressive scowl. Surveying both me and the rest of this room with a cynicism I can relate to all too readily. I meet her eye for a moment and try to express some level of communion about our shared disdain for this night. She looks away and frowns some more and with that I am locked into the inescapable rules of attraction. She doesn’t want me and thus, I must have her.
I shift my seat slightly and shout some mind clogging line about the music. Befitting the low rate comedy I’ve just shat out of my mouth she raises an eyebrow, looks me up and down with her dark eyes and sighs. I grab for my pint and swill some more of it down my mouth. It’s part sweat, part beer and all warm by now but all previous insults are off, I need it’s help.
‘Come on, come on, you think you drive me crazy’
What would I have done before, on a good night? Before I became a corner hugging bore? Would I have gone up to talk to her again? Would I f*ck, that’s suicide of the pride that is. I’ve never, ever chosen the shuffling sacrifice of ego that is trying to dance with a girl, that’s the post nuclear option I felt the need for a more effective beer, or beers or a cold, straight vodka. The 30 person bar queue meant this was unlikely to be implemented before closing time. . I sat back defeated.
Us Scottish lads, for all our noise and flustered bluster are shy types deep down. Just at the beginning of this night some of us had gathered together to agree which girls we were definitely too frightened to speak to. A shameless show I admit, but better the companionship of the pathetic than the solitude of a romantic kicking.
It's an odd thing though, I’ve never really needed to do the chasing, in the past I've usually relied upon (and rarely been let down by) the 'let them come to you' strategy. I would claim with no ego to be of reasonable attractiveness and too many years in my sisters company meant that I project well as the elusive understanding, sensitive male. For reasons that remain baffling, there was always a certain kind of girl who would fall for this. The more you outlined that you genuinely weren't interested in shallow liaisons, the more they would crave one with you. I can't claim to have the highest success ratio in town, but this odd combination of effete conversation and semi-celibate announcements had more benefits than negatives.
All of that though was before the fall out that has dogged me this past year. That was back then before I had these lines on my face and bad thoughts in my mind. These days that easy chat and subtle shifting of melancholy eyes which made such a heady mix has been replaced by stultifying mundane blathering and the genuinely scary twitches of sadness that rippled across my face. My chest is too laden down with the recent past to allow me the air needed to leaven conversation with jokes and quiet questions.
‘I’m calling your name, don’t let me blow up or honk it all up’
So here I am, in this club I don’t like with these people I can’t stand trying for no reason to communicate with this girl I don’t know.
I sink back into my corner to consider my loss. Not just her, but all of this. I have to decide when all this light and noise just stopped meaning something to me. Maybe I have to admit to myself that I just don't get lost in music the way I did before, I just don't have the energy to chase or be chased by a girl and worst of all, whatever it was that once made me attractive was gone. I’ve grown so ugly, in outlook and in looks and I never ever noticed. I’m little more than a staid, worn down nobody in a comfortable rut that can no longer lose himself in the simplest of pleasures. Now I am nowhere and it’s now.
Is this how it happens? One day you're something, the next nothing? Have I really become tired of life and tired in looks? Grown so ugly and I never even noticed.
‘Oooooohhhhhaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhah!
'You look tired' it’s her! She is sitting right across from me, speaking to me. Her harsh look still unwavering, but there she was, sitting right across from me.
'Yeh, I'm pretty tired, I guess' is my coruscating opening line. Brilliant, fucking brilliant, I am the great seducer, watch me work.
'I think it looks sexy’ she says and with a straight face. I think she means it. I am staring back at her, it is all I can do.
‘I like men who look like that, worn out, tired. It turns me on'. She looks into my eyes with what I hope is intent and then sits back.
Saying nothings seems better than any of the below par drivel that is whirling through my mind. I shall swig my beer, an act that could be construed as cool defiance if my hand hadn't started shaking. She is slouching coolly in her chair as insouciant as they come, but her leg moves across until it is gently touching mine. Her scowl continues to scan the room but it never falls on me anymore.
I know what she is seeing, I see the same thing. The DJ plays the Hidden Cameras 'Smells like Happiness' and I want to sing, I want to sing so fucking loudly that I'll drown out the PA. I may have grown so ugly in so many ways, but as long as she's sitting there, as long as that song is playing and as long as this beer is going down as well as this, I've still got something to smile about.
I look around the room once again. People are dancing to the tune, singing to the whooping, wailing chorus without a care. Sweat drips from the mirror ball and onto their faces, sweat drips down my forehead and into my tired, vibrant eyes. There is so much wrong with what is about to happen. Tonight is a night that should not happen, she is someone I should move away from but, I can’t. Or to speak honestly, I won’t. Here and now is where those grey rooms gain some lustre, here is where I feel the beat of the music again, here is where I decide that I will reach out for a girl who is not and should not be mine. Here and now is where I know that I have grown so ugly in so many ways, and in this glowing moment, it feels so good.