Today was not technically my 23rd "Squirrel Run" at the University of Michigan since our work from home started to combat COVID-19. Because I actually went to work for part of the day. I parked over at the Thomson Garage to ensure that I could get good squirrel watching on my way into work and on my way home. I will be going into work once a week or so. I did see Waddles over on the Law Quad, he seems to have gnawed off part of his tail :( Hopefully he will do OK. I did get a Blackjack - a juvenile squirrel with mange - a second medicated pecan. Hope for good results. A wonderful day with my squirrels on Tuesday July 21st, 2020. Sending love and virtual hugs from Ann Arbor, Michigan.

Hair : DOUX - Sophie hairstyle

Tp : maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Secrets/185/155/1361

Horns : - TRIGGERED - Little Sinner Horns

Tp : maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Breaking%20Bad/123/119/1439

Makeup : TOP1SALON - HD CLASSY LIPSTICK (Lelutka X/Evo) PALE BRIGHT

Tp : maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Times%20Square/113/126/898

Eyelash : TREND - Royal Queen Eyelashes

Tp : maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/TREND/148/66/23

Necklace : (Yummy) Pave Heart Set

Tp : maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Tableau/168/109/23

Tattoo : - Fika - Medicated Tattoo Set

Tp : maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Pantano/160/137/3502

Dress : {le fil casse} Hazel Dress Black

Tp : maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Lefilcasse/151/127/27

Nails : Le Forme Bento Nails M03 Glam 001

Tp : maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Elmira/89/75/26

Garter : CODEX_DIABLITA WHIP GARTER

Tp : maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Hazelnut/64/196/3001

Shoes : Bombshell Moly / Black

Tp : maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Forest%20Cove/210/129/27

A bit of macro knolling for the Macro Mondays Group, topic, Knolling.

I love knolling and flat-lay photography but I still have a long way to go before I feel competent at the process, especially on a small scale such as this. Turns out that my hands are not as steady as they once were and tubular things tend to roll. Long story short this was a challenge for me and it shows in the results.

I really really really hate this.

But, I'm also in a terrible mood.

I look like an alien.

I'm sick of people who I thought were my friends.

I'm tired of people starting drama.

I'm tired of high school.

Our time to medicate here with me now as we lose ourselves in this and ignore

that you don't even know my name. Medicate,here with me now as we lose ourselves in this and ignore

that you don't even know my name. Medicate.

All images copyright © Zoe Campbell / ©ZoeCampbellPhotography. All rights reserved. Use without permission is illegal.

Twitter ,MySpace, and Tumblr

Taken at Sunny's Studio Pose: Medicated

Pictures from a sunny and warm late Winter's day on campus - Friday March 12th, 2021. Super busy week, but I wanted to make sure I saw my squirrels friends before the week was out. Got some more medicated pecans and hooked up some squirrels on the Diag and the Law Quad. Some look a bit worse for wear, but we all do this year, right? Maybe nothing a nice haircut couldn't fix. Sending love and virtual hugs from Ann Arbor, Michigan.

#RecoveryIsPossible .

____________________

◻◻◻◻◻◻◻◻◻◻◻◻◻◻◻

As I grow, I change.. As I go further - I am grateful. I grow more and more grateful every single day. I grow stronger mentally - day by day. I often forget that I am even 'doing something', because most of the time it is so far out of my mind.. *my addiction*. But of coarse things come and go thru my week and remind me... and I just find myself being extremely grateful, that when drugs come up- I am no longer triggered. So grateful.

>>I prayed very hard for a long time for God to relieve me of not only my addiction, but the cravings/thoughts. And he has. In time. I am at 2 & 1/2 years, and very grateful. Truthfully, I never thought I'd get this far.. - In fact, DURING my addiction, I wasn't sure if I was going to make it out alive. But someone up there was looking out for me, that is for sure. I did make it out alive. Alive, in recovery and THRIVING! Amen!

◻◻◻◻◻◻◻◻◻◻

>> I do my very best to TRY to be a good influence to others - either in active addiction, recovery (new or old) & sober people as well. I hope to even be an inspiration of sorts, to those who have a family or close friend in active addiction.. when they believe it's NOT possible & there is NO HOPE.. - I hope that they see me. I hope that they knew me before, or hear stories... The photos really won't do my demon of a past justice.. I hope that they can see ME.. My Transformation.. & know NOT to give up HOPE for their loved ones.. & know that it IS POSSIBLE- although most of the time it doesn't feel that way at all.

I know how hopeless it feels, because I lived it TO THE MAX for many years. I allowed addiction to tear everything out of my life.. [everything IMPORTANT to me that I LOVED.] & Addiction had it's hands on me SO HARD... that I just watched the things and PEOPLE whom I loved with all of my heart .. go away. & Told myself that because it hurt - that I should go double or triple up- my normal dose to numb it more.. So I didn't have to feel anything at all anymore. And that excuse to numb everything away again, would make my addiction even stronger. The drug would wrap it's hands around my neck even tighter, and to numb the truth - the nightmare that had become my life.. and everything in my life.. I would happily numb the pain *if I could feel anything at all*.. Just so I didn't have to feel.

_______________

◻>>> People REALLY NEED TO UNDERSTAND that in MOST cases - people who are addicted to drugs ARE SELF MEDICATING. [FOR SOME REASON!]

>>Now whether they're self medicating for a mental illness (either mild or big) & yes this includes depression and anxiety which most people have.. - MOST ADDICTS ARE self medicating for mental illness of some type .. *this type of therapy in a rehab setting would be called, ""CO-OCCURING" I believe.

... In the rehab facilities they are VERY aware of this & cater directly to co-occurring addictions. They help their patients to get medicated (the right way).. So they begin to feel normal - or as normal as possible.

[Keep in mind, that drug addiction REALLY takes a toll on the brain and the chemicals in the brain.. ] So it could take A VERY LONG TIME - Years even.. to fully regain your natural balance of chemicals to feel 'normal again' ... to be honest.. Some of us.. did permanent damage which we have to learn to live with, it isn't fixable. *raises hand*] <- but that doesn't mean all hope is lost. It means you might have to take a medications for a long time, or forever.. to help even the balance.. And learn HOW to help yourself to feel better.. & get better. But know it is possible. If I can do this.. ANYONE CAN! && I truly mean that, guys.

◻◻◻◻◻

>>>I often hear from people (when they see me in person usually), how absolutely PROUD & surprised they are with my transformation. Most of them will go on to explain how they watched me for years - homeless, wandering the streets - high- not even knowing where I was going or what I was doing- a bag of bones.. face picked to hell and full of scabs- dirty.. and they were all waiting to hear that I overdosed. My family was dreading that phone call, but almost knew it was coming, unfortunately. I believed this too.. that I would probably die soon. So I actually went as far as to tell my closest loved ones my wishes.. In case I die. On my facebook I set up a tribute person (my cousin/she's like my sister) in case I passed.. so she could run my facebook etc) - I didn't think I'd make it out alive.

- But I wanted sobriety more than anything. I envied those who had it. I envied those who went from where I was at, and got sober.. and couldn't quite figure out HOW they did it.. But they were a hero in my eyes.

>>These people have come up to me (even while I'm at work) to tell me HOW PROUD THEY ARE OF ME. How they didn't think I'd make it out.. How I'm a total different person & how I am an inspiration & how if I CAN DO IT - ANYONE CAN. etc

_____________________

>>

Which is why I write about my addiction.. and TRY MY BEST to explain it to others!

Because even if you are not an addict, it's important for you to understand... it's a disease. It's not as easy as to just put down the drug and quit.

Most will relapse.. Maybe 50 times or more. Most won't make it out alive.

It is a mental thing. A MENTAL DISEASE. The drug is just a symptom.

>>We have addictive personalities. And to fix this we require A LOT of therapy and personal reflection and work on OURSELVES.

When we have reached the point of wanting sobriety.. and truly wanting it.. THEN the hardest work comes in!

>>>We have to figure out WHY we're using.

>>>We have to do A LOT of self reflection and WORK ON OURSELVES.

We are ADDICTS. Even if we have quit the drug part.

We literally can and WILL get addicted to anything and everything! - So we have to be careful.

**Shopping. Sex. Relationships. FOOD. Cigarettes. *A different drug to substitute one for another, etc***

The list can go on and on... and on..

>>Which is why we REALLY must look at ourselves and stop ourselves.

>>We have to create limits and stick to them. And therapy is a must for many of us. I signed up and still go at least once a month to see a counselor. I've been seeing a counselor from this program SINCE I got sober 2 1/2 years ago- and I'm not stopping any time soon.

Groups are a very good way to keep MANY people sober (but not all of us). I love doing groups sometimes, but I prefer church, personally.

Why I wrote all of this.. is to help some of you have a better understanding of addiction. Even if you are not an addict.

>>You may know someone who is an addict.. And if you DON'T YET, I'd be VERY Surprised.. But it's still important for you to know this.. because if you don't.. YOU WILL.

I am proud of myself. I am growing and learning more and more every single day!

Like I said above, I feel like most days I don't even think about how I'm in recovery. But several times a week I am reminded.. And I feel gratitude immediately. I never want to forget what I went thru. I never want to stop talking about it.. I want to help. I want to help give others knowledge.. and/or inspiration.

& Even if you don't think you're an addict.. You very well could be. Denial is a huge part of it.

>>Prescriptions from your DOCTOR is where it ALL STARTED FOR ALL OF US. (I don't know statistics, but I'm almost positive that OVER 90% of addicts started with a doctor's prescription! Every single person that I met in recovery.. has the SAME STORY)

NOT ONE ADDICT can say that they woke up one day and said, "I want to be a homeless drug addict and live on the street, rob people and beg for change".

Sadly enough... most of them started with an injury or something and a doctor wrote them a prescription.. And because of their brain.. *THEIR BRAIN LOVED IT* & they have some type of addictive personality.. Their brain wanted more. & It ended badly.. for all of us.

Some of us were lucky enough to make it out alive. And only 2% of us who do make it out alive.. will REMAIN sober. I just pray every single day that I am going to remain one of those 2%! May God continue to give me the strength to remain sober.. & on the right path.

_______________

If any of you have any questions or what to reach out about addiction, feel free to message me privately at any time.

>>>Stay positive friends.

I care for you all, deeply!

Slow dancing in a burning room.

-John Mayer.

This is what I did to help my cousin Sam with a project for history. The topic is against the idea of medicating kids at a young age, so we did it in the form of a picture. I'm really rather happy with how they turned out.

OPINIONS on medicating kids?

268 to go.

Pictures from a snowy day on campus - Thursday January 28th, 2021. On a snowy day - lots of squirrels hunker down. Saw a number on campus during a few walks - including some more that had a case of mange. I was able to get them hooked up with medicated pecans. Also saw Waddles over on Law Quad - which is nice. Sending love and virtual hugs from Ann Arbor, Michigan.

👉 Pose :

Black Cats poses - Python @ Mainstore

👉 Lingerie :

. The Rotting Lab . Wyldr Lingerie @ Mainstore

► Fitted for Legacy, Freya, and Hourglass.

👉 Head :

LeLUTKA - Lilly Head 2.5

👉 Skin :

Phobia : OCULISK SKIN : LELU : ANGELITE @ Skin Fair Event 2021

(March 12th - 29th)

👉 Top Tattoo :

- Fika - Medicated Tattoo Set @ Engine Room

(March 20th - April 20th)

👉 Eyebrows :

[Simple Bloom]*LeL Evo FLEUR* Patricia SoftArch @ Skin Fair Event 2021

(March 12th - 29th)

👉 Lashes :

VORTEX - Lashes 11.0 @ Skin Fair Event 2021

(March 12th - 29th)

👉 Liner :

VORTEX - Liner 6.0 @ Skin Fair Event 2021

👉 Eyes :

Psycho Pills - Bloom Eyeset @ Mainstore

focusmagazineforsecondlife.blogspot.com/2021/03/lotd731-p...

'We're the flowers

In the dustbin

We're the poison

In your human machine

We're the future

Your future....

There's no future

In England's dreaming." (Sex Pistols)

These words written in 1977 for the Queen's Silver Jubillee are probably even more apt for our nation's youth as we head into 2023 with a new king. I'd love to be more positive but it's how many feel. I can't sweep it under the carpet: it is what it is.

I am particularly thinking of a couple of young boys I know now fighting the black dog of depression during what should be the best years of their lives. They have become medicated recluses. Will antidepressants set them free from what the Covid pandemic/lockdowns/resulting world changes did to them? Or will time heal them? I don't know. I hope against hope. I guess this shot is for them. My heart breaks for them anyway.

This image is a companion to 'Out of the Mire". flickr.com/photos/sophiethesax/52590554328/in/dateposted/

What are you being asked to weave? What threads are you being called to cut? - Unknown

Full Blog:

secondlifesyndicate.com/2021/03/23/white-widow-warrior/

Credits:

Face/Skin:

:[P]:- Blushed Kitsune Skin [BOM]

WarPaint* Paloma brows Wilds [BOM]

[7DS] – FULL BODY add-on Freckles [ TATTOOS ] Skin Fair 2021

[REVERIE] Freckles & Beauty marks [BOM]

A.D.D.Andel! Forge Eyes (ENGINE ROOM)

::SnowWhite:: eyelashes_mone_genus

TREND – Slayer Eyeliners – Fatpack

persephone + scartastrophe (scars on face and body) [BOM] (ENGINE ROOM)

– Fika – Medicated Tattoo Set [BOM] (ENGINE ROOM)

Jewelry:

.random.Matter. – Miroh Elfie Ears

[GA.EG] Jewels – Dhanya Nose Chains

+AH+ Gate Piercing Genus

-TRIGGERED- For the love of the devel Snake Bites

-TRIGGERED- Moon Craft Earrings

*AvaWay* SKY Necklace

Style:

DOUX – Silent hairstyle

+ Tsuchigumo Spider Legs (Feminine) + {aii & ego} (ENGINE ROOM)

[Salem] Medusa’s Revenge // Pauldrons

:[P]:- Xanne Axecaster:// Bodysuit/Belt

Skellybones — Rayne Claws – (ENGINE ROOM)

S&P Keisha sandals

Pose:

GingerFish Poses – Outrun

UZME_Poster_Oriental_Set1

Lightme Projectors

Pictures taken with Black Dragon Viewer

Pictures from a sunny and mild Winter's day on campus - Wednesday March 3rd, 2021. Got some more medicated pecans and hooked up some squirrels on the Diag and the Law Quad. Some look a bit worse for wear, but we all do this year, right? Maybe nothing a nice haircut couldn't fix. Sending love and virtual hugs from Ann Arbor, Michigan.

Here is a picture from a litter of puppies sprung from the pound, medicated back to health and adopted out to a loving home in Tucson.

Mr. Darcy, the largest of the litter, got too sick and was unable to survive.

I fostered them for Baby Animal Rescue Koalition.

I was exploring fliters from Wood Camera, a photo editing program back when I had an iPhone. I eventually used it for a new Facebook avatar: www.facebook.com/barktucson

I adopted Jimmy and Mack a couple weeks before Christmas 10 years ago. Both had colds (feline herpes) which is contagious to other cats so I kept them in our fully furnished basement away from Ella. In addition to their colds, they also both had coccidia, giardia, congestion, conjunctivitis, diarrhea and neither would eat. And if all that wasn't enough, Jimmy also had a urinary tract infection, crystals in his urine and a horrible eye ulcer. During those first couple getting-to-know-you weeks I had to have a spreadsheet to keep track of all their medications and when each needed to be administered.

So, that Christmas season I spent every minute I was home in the basement medicating sick kittens, cleaning up diarrhea and wracking my brain trying to come up with something tasty and smelly enough to tempt them to eat. They were so sick. Since bringing them home I had never seen them play or heard them purr. I was exhausted and questioning whether everything I was putting them through was worth it to them or if euthanasia would be more humane.

One afternoon, I turned off all the lights in the basement except for the tiny lights on a table-top Christmas tree. I laid down on the couch under a downy comforter to look at the pretty lights and just be near my sick kittens. I closed my eyes and was about to fall asleep when I felt Jimmy's little feet walk up along my body until he settled in the crook of my arm and for the first time, started to purr.

In that dark, quiet moment Jimmy was content, I was at peace and we were together. It was perfect.

Happy Caturday: Memories

Ergo I am bound.

EffenFiddled

Origin Assignment

Script:

3.5 aperture priority

halogen "natural" light

dog collar

steamy bathroom

70+ layers of polaroid frames in Photoshop

Concept:

Intellect, heart and hand

I am in the process of making them all work together, but still have issues with extremes.

I am plagued with anxiety. As much as I want some thoughts to stop (and doctors want to medicate) I would only suffocate my creativity by taming my spitfire brain.

This could have been inherited through addictive personalities raising me or watching others stifling their own thoughts of passion (I tend to go against the grain).

And while I'm still in the process of nurturing this brainchild I still fight with the need to organize, be responsible, and filter what others know about me.

Late night painting done while heavily medicated. Not my best work but figured I'd post it considering it's first one I've done in a long time. Also getting used to painting using a wacom tablet and Rebelle Pro 3.

Pictures from a bright and snowy day on campus - Thursday February 11th, 2021. Back to back days on campus for me - that is what happens when you forget something you said you would do. I even saw an American Red Squirrel high in a tree on the Diag - they are not common on campus. It looks like I need more medicated pecans. Like with the top of my own head, lots of bald spots on campus. Sending love and virtual hugs from Ann Arbor, Michigan.

Looking close... on Friday!

Candies

Double D is an Australian owned and operated confectionery business that has been in operations since 1920. They are proud to be the manufacturers of a range of sugar free and semi medicated hard candy. Ever since they began their operations, Double D Confectionery has maintained the use of untouched recipes that are 100% Australian. Some of the famous old ingredients they use to produce these world renowned confectioneries are Australian Oils, Eucalyptus, and natural honey.

30/52 I know it seems like a lot of my Little Things involve cats but when your life is surrounded by cats 24/7 they'd better bring you small pleasures... which they do. Just wait until Mack's expressive ears are one of my Little Things!

Jimmy (hospital cat) update:

As you may remember, 9 days ago a cat named Jimmy was left/abandoned at our clinic and after a week of appetite stimulants and painkillers he is finally starting to act like a normal cat. He weighed 5.80 pounds and promptly lost almost 1/2 pound. Although he was skin and bones we couldn't get him to eat and he was in so much discomfort (arthritis? muscle loss? something else?) he never relaxed. He never groomed or slept curled up on his side - he was constantly, even when sleeping, hunched up. After a week of weighing, medicating, snuggling, offering every food option known to man and lots of worrying, Jimmy is now eating, jumping up onto and down from a couch, sleeping on his side, grooming!, and trotting up to everyone or playfully trotting away. He jumps into his cage when he wants to eat or use the litter box and is ignoring the other two cats who roam freely in the same area.

www.flickr.com/photos/77654185@N07/35663845060/in/photost...

So far, all good news and so one of those Little Things left over from last week.

Fox squirrels on a beautiful snowy Winter's day in Ann Arbor, Tuesday February 1st, 2022. All sorts of things on campus today. Spied a new cavity nest over on Law Quad. Caught this big one (I think a momma) high atop Tappan Hall. And I saw a squirrel I am calling Snow White. I was told there was a nearly bald squirrel near the UMMA. I spied this one on the north side of the Law Quad and she was missing a ton of fur. She was more white underneath. I gave her a medicated pecan and will hook her up next week for the second part of the dose. Wishing you joy and health wherever you are and best wishes for the new year.

Helen Cafferty: (30-something attractive woman wearing designer business suit is in her minimalist, impersonal apt. working on computer when she receives encrypted files, she opens and glances through them then sends a multiple text using her phone)

Gabriel Barrett: (30-something attractive man wearing cable-knit sweater & jeans seated in leather chair in a professional office clearly decorated to soothe occupants) You've been self-medicating again.

Raia Dane: (20-something attractive woman lying on chaise, apparently a patient) Experimenting, Dr., and the results are encouraging. Look at me, I'm actually relaxed.

Gabe: (sighs) Raia, how many times do I have to tell you; there's no -

Raia: (interrupts) "No medication for sociopathy," I know. But that doesn't mean there can't be, only that no one's discovered it yet. (her phone buzzes and she looks at the screen)

Gabe: (his phone buzzes and he looks at the screen) Looks like we'll have to finish our session later.

Raia: (jumping off the chaise) Your car or mine?

Gabe: (rising) You're not getting behind the wheel. (opens the office door)

Raia: Are you saying I can't drive? (following closely) Because I can drive. On my worst day I can drive better

than you.

(Cast: Helen-Kestrel R., Raia-Morgan W., Gabe-Erebus D. Thank you so much for your help!)

Pictures from a snowy day on campus - Thursday February 18th, 2021. Got some more medicated pecans and hooked up two squirrels on the Diag. Some look a bit worse for wear, but we all do this year, right? A needed diversion on a rough day. Sending love and virtual hugs from Ann Arbor, Michigan.

pose: Medicated

Visit this location at Sunny's Photo Studio in Second Life

Horsemint (bee balm) is used as a natural medicine. This young fawn must have been self-medicating. Our beautiful world, pass it on.

“Ma Mingren Herbal Plaster Ancient Making Techniques” has been awarded as the fourth batch of China national intangible cultural heritage representative project in 2014.

Northern Territory Gothic

Simulacrum

Voices from the Ant Hill

Whispers

Read more: www.jjfbbennett.com/2020/12/simulacrum-voices-from-ant-hi...

Hey everyone,

Our Saturday Sale set (including additional discounted goodies) is now set up and live in store. Please accept our apologies if the sim is at limited capacity during the first day, because of our annual Trick or Treat hunt + Linden Lab's ongoing migration to the cloud ♥♥

Both Medicated & The Ward (in 3 colours, sold separately) are discounted at 75L only through to Sunday. We've also added couple's poses! Come by to check them out ♥

maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/FOXCITY/180/69/21

5 Color Hud, for small and large heads, get it @Anthem!

Taxi: maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Anthem/127/127/1107/

Animation Example: www.flickr.com/photos/154104917@N03/51859042421/in/datepo...

PHOTOGRAPHY QUESTION 1ST: I have a nikon d3500. I am new to using manual settings, honestly, I always shoot in auto. So I tried to use someone's recommendation of using a low ISO (I set it to 100, or so I thought). Whatever I did, I was able to take this photo and the one before .. in manual. *because in automatic it kept saying "subject too dark", of coarse*. HOWEVER, I thought I set the ISO to 100, but when I uploaded my photo to Flickr it says that my ISO in my last photo was over 20,000!!

You can understand my confusion here!! ( I believe it said that on the camera too... but I kept changing it to 100, I thought.. and it kept going back- or perhaps I was changing it wrong).

>>Anyway, I do like the way my photos came out.. but of coarse they were grainy and had a lot of noise. I tried to edit it out on photoshop a little.. but I wasn't 100% happy with it. So I guess I'm asking for NIGHT PHOTOGRAPHY TIPS & HOW TO CHANGE THE ISO AND OTHER SETTINGS ON A NIKON... ON (MANUAL OR M) MODE.

>>You can comment with tips and info, or Flickr mail me.

THANK YOU IN ADVANCE. I want you to all know that I truly appreciate your friendships... your prayers.

You all are such a great community of photographers !! *Flickr is my saving grace**, you all are! I have personally made a bond with each and every one of you, to some level. & I cherish those friendships in ways that you may never know!

Thank you all for your friendships. Your words. Your cares. I read all of your comments and mail.. even if I don't directly reply. & Those comments and messages truly make my heart SMILE ❤❤

_______________________________________________________________________

(((BELOW IS A LOT OF WRITING ABOUT ADDICTION & TIPS FOR HAVING A SUPPORT SYSTEM IN PLACE.. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ IT.. NO PROBLEM.. BUT I'M WARNING YOU.. IT'S A LOT OF WRITING. I AM TRYING TO MAKE IT SHORT.. BUT I REALLY GET INTO IT.. SO IT'S A LOT! NO PROBEM IF YOU DON'T READ IT.. I ACTUALLY AM WARNING YOU AHEAD THAT IF IT DOESN'T APPLY OR YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED.. JUST SKIP RIGHT OVER IT. HOWEVER, IF IT APPLIES, PLEASE READ. AND IF YOU HAVE SOMEONE IN YOUR LIFE WHO IS IN ACTIVE ADDICTION OR RECOVERY, IT'S A GOOD READ FOR THEM. SO PLEASE SHARE THE LINK WITH THEM)))

Intimidating Solitude

...Addiction. Is intimidating solitude. 1000%.

& I want to say that although recovery is BEAUTIFUL & A BLESSING FROM GOD... >>Recovery can feel like "Intimidating Solitude" as well.. If you do not have the right support system in place! *If you feel this way, you are not alone !!- Believe me!

Many people new into recovery.. and even many years into recovery have felt this way. Sometimes forgetting how absolutely isolated addiction is.. and only fantasizing about the numbing effects the drugs had.. To make the bad emotions you're feeling disappear.

First Let me just say that FEELING EMOTIONS (GOOD AND YES BAD TOO!) ARE SO AMAZING & IMPORTANT!

When you're just getting into recovery..The feelings that come rolling into your soul are intense and almost unbearable! ((Especially, considering the fact that you've been numbing yourself from ANY & ALL EMOTIONS for however long you were using))!

>>But feeling emotions is part of life. & HUGE. & A BLESSING. & SO IMPORTANT!

((((****NOTE:: I'm trying to make this as short as possible.. *I'm not good at that, when I write.. So please bare with me! *But whoever needs to hear this, will probably take the time to read the entire thing.. & I hope it helps you in some way. ***)))))

Anyhoo... Feelings are a blessing. *YES, THE BAD*. & I for one, know about the bad feelings.. I recently after many years .. have FINALLY forgiven myself for the loss of my children. For all of my horrible wrong-doings.. For my absolute disregard for everyone's words, cares and feelings.. because I was so addicted to the drugs.. and the person (my ex).. that nothing else mattered. (And even if IT DID MATTER , A LOT, if I didn't have the drug.. the most important things in my life- ALL had to be put on hold UNTIL I was able to get that drug and not be sick. So yeah, everyone and everything came second..Yes.

So forgiveness for myself.. Was the one thing I thought I'd never be able to do. And although it still hurts.. & I cry myself to sleep some nights still.. I have forgiven myself.. Enough to be able to stop beating myself up emotionally.. and begin to LOVE MYSELF AGAIN 100%. Because, although I made horrible mistakes.. that caused so much pain (especially for myself).. I am a good person, I am doing the right things now & I deserve to be happy and love myself. So although it didn't come easy I have forgiven myself.. finally. & I am so grateful.

>>>>So back to what I was saying.. yes, the bad feelings hurt. So bad!

But those bad feelings are what are going to make you CHANGE & GROW & LEARN!!

So without the pain.. there would be no positives. & You wouldn't be able to appreciate the little things... that are going to come - in time- & appreciate life.

___

So during addiction you feel so alone.. but you don't feel all of the pain - very much. You may think you do, but you have no idea..

Because when you get sober.. You will FEEL THE PAIN TO THE CORE. & It HURTS .. SO HORRIBLY.

But now it is time to ... figure out why you were numbing yourself, remind yourself of the bad times - so you don't ever go back...FORGIVE YOURSELF.. Heal.. LEARN.. GROW.. & move FORWARD!!!

_______________________

..... BUT THEN COMES SOBRIETY & SOLITUDE.

**Secondly, these people KNOW YOU , so if & when they see you acting out of sorts, they're going to ask you why.. and let you know that they're concerned - because you're NOT acting right.

(Pre-Relapse)

**Once you're In recovery you need to KEEP BUSY & have people to talk to about your feelings.. & you may even need to see a psych or counselor (that's up to you but highly recommended). I signed up for a counselor to keep me in check and so I can explain my feelings.. my life.. my worries. etc. & These people will also know other people and places to link you up with, to not only keep busy, but be able to express all of those crazy emotions that come rolling in.. Be open.. and 100% transparent with everything (no judgments). This is so important. Because holding these thoughts and feelings in.. are the most toxic thing you can do.. and will MOST CERTAINLY lead to relapse.

** IF YOU DON'T HAVE PEOPLE TO TALK TO.. HANG OUT WITH.. AND SHARE YOUR FEARS/WORRIES/PAIN.. & Someone who's BEEN THERE & UNDERSTANDS... = YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY BACK TO WHERE YOU JUST CAME FROM.. and.. I want to warn you now, every relapse is more painful than the last. You fall right back to where you were RIGHT AWAY (if not worse), as soon as you pick back up.

>Not to mention THE GUILT! -because after you experience sobriety.. every time you use - you feel it in your heart.. it'll never be like (before).

ONE LAST THING...

>>>Your mind__ YOUR ADDICTION is INSIDE OF YOU , ALWAYS. LIKE A WILD ANIMAL READY TO TAKE OVER AND EAT YOU ALIVE.

*THIS IS RECOVERY*<<<<

YOUR ADDICTION IS GOING TO TRY TO TRICK YOU.

IT IS GOING TO TELL YOU THINGS, LIKE:

-1) YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS LIFE. *self sabotage*

-2)THE DRUG HELPED YOU. IT MADE YOU LOSE WEIGHT, CLEAN THE HOUSE, WORK SO MUCH HARDER & BETTER & EVERYONE LOVED YOU WHEN YOU WERE USING & NOBODY KNEW.

lies lies lies! this is your addiction in your mind, lying to you.. deceiving you.. trying to suck you back in!! * don't do it!

-3)YOU ALREADY RUINED YOUR LIFE. RECOVERY IS HARD. NO ONE LIKES YOU ANYWAY, YOU'RE THE BLACK SHEEP. YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST GO BACK. NUMB THE PAIN.

Again, your addiction is lying to you. You can come out of this. IF YOU ARE SOBER ONE DAY, AND ALIVE..you can DO THIS! - You are LOVED! Stop being blinded by your lying addiction. Just because you messed up in the past, doesn't mean your friends and family don't love you.. they've missed you.. and they're so grateful to have you back!

-4) ((THE WORST ONE))

WHEN YOU'RE IN THE ROOM, WITH YOUR FAMILY /FRIENDS OR AT WORK.. YOU FEEL LIKE EVERYONE IS LOOKING AT YOU, JUDGING YOU, PROBABLY TALKING ABOUT YOU WHEN YOU LEAVE.. THEY ALL HATE YOU. WHA'TS THE POINT?

- This is your addiction lying to you again. This also could be part of a mental illness (don't be ashamed, MANY people have them.. & most addicts are self medicating because of these disorders.. *which can be easily diagnosed and medicated!*

((Programs will treat this as "Co-Occurring", I believe.. Addiction & Mental Illness")

..None of this is anything to be ashamed of. But you need to KNOW and remind yourself.. that this ISN'T TRUE

(Truth: This happens to me sometimes...At work. & I'm very grateful to have a fantastic & loving crew at my job.. who KNOW about this & understand ((PART OF MY NETWORK)) - and When I'm feeling this way.. I will tell them how I'm feeling. *I have to, If I don't want it to effect me any worse*. & They'll comfort me and reassure me that it's in my head & everyone is just stressed & they're not annoyed with me.

----------------------------

~~What this LONG POST was trying to explain to recovering addicts.. or those who have had a relapse.. is that.. ALTHOUGH YOU FEEL SO ALONE, YOU ARE NOT!!!!

There are MANY of us out there who you can talk to about this.. hook up with.. and start building your network. Because WE CARE! & we know EXACTLY 1000% HOW YOU'RE FEELING! We will welcome you with open arms & a hug.

My Flickr Mail Box is ALWAYS OPEN!

* & Anything you wish to discuss is 1000% between us.

Hope everyone is having a blessed day.

Thanks again for all of your comments, prayers & nice words. I appreciate you all so much.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OH MY, I cannot believe I wrote that much... apologies!!!!

My poor kitty Sue has been having horrible violent seizes and I don't know why. I took him to the vet but being unemployed over 8 months now I couldn't afford all the blood work I needed to do to try to figure out what is wrong with him. So my vet gave me valium for Sue. Poor little guy is such a mess on it but worse when he isn't. He's asleep on my lap right now having one of his better days.

lately i just want to bash my head into brick and mortar until i stop thinking... until i stop feeling...

give me one more medicated peaceful moment.

[A perfect circle]

*10 Things Project_IGP*

[42] Weekly Creative: Le mani____*IGP

digital

These two adorable fox brothers both developed severe mange. I spent most of the summer medicating them and they were both cured and grew into beautiful adult foxes.

www.boredpanda.com/animals-memorial-amanda-stronza/

Having put the bread in to bake it's time for crumpets and Vegemite, with an espresso.

The Bambino Plus certainly produced a decent brew with a good crema. I didn't even need to adjust my grinder for this machine.

I don't medicate for ADHD but a regular shot of caffeine helps with attention and focus.

Explore #167 10-21-15 In

Great concert some of the set list:

Medicated Goo - Dear Mr. Fantasy - We Just Disagree - Look at You Look at Me - How Do I Get To Heaven - Apache - Good 2 U - Only You Know and I Know - Feelin' Alright - All Along the Watchtower

I saw Traffic at the Academy of Music NYC in 1972

In 1926 following much fanfare, the Arcada Theatre opened to the public. St. Charles philanthropists, Lester and Dellora Norris, built the Arcada to provide a place of entertainment and enjoyment for people of the Fox Valley area. Designed by Elmer Berhns, the three story theater stands as a prime example of the Spanish Colonial Revival Style. While most of the exterior elements of the building remain, the original 1926 marquee did not include the vertical sign featuring the Arcada name. This was attached in 1943 and updated in 2005 and 2010. The final cost of the building was approximately $500,000.

Red Fox kits are always fighting. Although these fights are rarely serious they are important in establishing hierarchy. Both of these fox kits, became badly infected with mange. I was able to medicate and cure them both, and they went on to become beautiful healthy adult male foxes.

I was alone, Falling free,

Trying my best not to forget

What happened to us,

What happened to me,

What happened as I let it slip.

I was confused by the powers that be,

Forgetting names and faces.

Passersby were looking at me

As if they could erase it

Baby did you forget to take your meds?

Baby did you forget to take your meds?

I was alone,

Staring over the ledge,

Trying my best not to forget

All manner of joy

All manner of glee

And our one heroic pledge

How it mattered to us,

How it mattered to me,

And the consequences

I was confused,

By the birds and the bees

Forgetting if I meant it

Baby did you forget to take your meds?

Baby did you forget to take your meds?

Baby did you forget to take your meds?

Baby did you forget to take your meds?

And the Sex and the drugs and the complications

And the Sex and the drugs and the complications

And the Sex and the drugs and the complications

And the Sex and the drugs and the complications

Baby did you forget to take your meds?

Baby did you forget to take your meds?

Baby did you forget to take your meds?

Baby did you forget to take your meds?

Baby did you forget to take your meds?

Baby did you forget to take your meds?

I was alone,

Falling free,

Trying my best not to forget

Placebo

This beautiful mother fox had mange during the very cold winter of 2014. I sat out in sub-zero temperatures day after day to medicate her. To my astonishment the medication worked and she was cured. She was the very first fox I manged to cure. Without the medication she would have died a miserable slow death from mange and exposure. Instead, she lived and became a mother fox. This photo is of her and her kit the following spring. To me she is a living testament that humans can intervene and help wildlife instead of harming them.

In antichità era la rocca di Savignano Lungoreno, antico maniero appartenuto alla Gran Contessa Matilde di Canossa e distrutto nel 1293. Molti secoli dopo, su quello spuntone di roccia che domina il comune di Grizzana Morandi, nel bolognese, il Conte Cesare Mattei decise di costruire quella che sarebbe diventata la futura Rocchetta Mattei, un luogo straordinario destinato a restare unico e inimitato.

La prima pietra fu posata il 5 novembre del 1850; solo nove anni più tardi il Conte, tra i fondatori della Cassa di Risparmio di Bologna nonché deputato al Parlamento di Roma, poté finalmente trovare dimora in quello che si mostrò subito in tutta la sua eccezionalità: un castello dalle forme fiabesche, costruito e arredato con una miscela eclettica e surreale di arte islamica, medievale e moderna, in cui facevano capolino cupole moresche, labirinti di scale escheriane, soffitti decorati a muqarnaṣ e un fiero ippogrifo di pietra a guardia della fortezza.

Da quel luogo delle meraviglie il Conte non si stacco più, trascorrendo l’intera vita a inventare e arredare nuove stanze. Ai suoi tempi d’oro nella Rocchetta trovarono ospitalità principi e sovrani, tra cui (si narra) Ludovico III di Baviera e lo Zar Alessandro II di Russia. Gli ambienti esoterici della Rocchetta furono anche lo scenario degli esperimenti del Conte, profondo studioso di quella che lui stesso battezzò elettromeopatia: una terapia medica di sua invenzione basata sull’abbinamento di “granuli medicati” e liquidi, detti anche “fluidi elettrici”. Queste tecniche segrete – su cui il Conte iniziò a esercitarsi dopo la morte della madre per tumore, adirato con la classe medica che non era riuscita a salvarla né ad alleviarne il dolore – ebbero enorme fortuna grazie anche a importanti citazioni (ne parla Dostoevskji ne I fratelli Karamàzov) e a testimoniati casi di guarigione.

Dopo la morte di Mattei nel 1896 per la Rocchetta iniziarono i tempi bui dell’abbandono. Durante la seconda guerra mondiale il castello venne saccheggiato dai tedeschi e gli eredi, non si sa bene il perché, tentarono di donarlo al Comune di Bologna, che rifiutò. Dopo un nuovo, lungo periodo di declino, nel 2006 il complesso venne acquistato e successivamente restaurato dalla Fondazione della Cassa di Risparmio di Bologna.

Dal 2015, data di riapertura al pubblico, la Rocchetta è diventata un’importante attrazione turistica del bolognese.

(testo liberamente tratto da un articolo de "Il Fatto quotidiano"

In ancient times it was the fortress of Savignano Lungoreno, an ancient manor that belonged to the Grand Countess Matilda of Canossa and destroyed in 1293. Many centuries later, on that spike of rock that dominates the municipality of Grizzana Morandi, in the Bolognese, Count Cesare Mattei decided to build what would become the future Rocchetta Mattei, an extraordinary place destined to remain unique and imitated.

The foundation stone was laid on November 5, 1850; only nine years later the Count, one of the founders of the Cassa di Risparmio di Bologna and member of the Parliament of Rome, was finally able to find a home in what was immediately shown in all its exceptionality: a castle with fairytale shapes, built and furnished with an eclectic and surreal blend of Islamic, medieval and modern art, in which Moorish domes peeped , mazes of Escherian stairs, ceilings decorated with muqarnaṣ and a proud stone hippogriff guarding the fortress.

From that place of wonders the Count no longer detaches, spending his whole life inventing and furnishing new rooms. In his golden days princes and kings found hospitality in the Rocchetta, including (it is said) Louis III of Bavaria and Tsar Alexander II of Russia. Rocchetta's esoteric environments were also the scene of the Conte's experiments, a deep scholar of what he himself called electromeopathy: a medical therapy of his invention based on the combination of "medicated granules" and liquids, also called "electric fluids". These secret techniques – on which the Count began to practice after the death of his mother from cancer, angry with the medical class that had failed to save her or relieve her pain – were enormously fortunate thanks also to important quotations (Dostoevskji talks about it in The Brothers Karamazov) and to witness cases of healing.

After Mattei's death in 1896, the dark days of abandonment began for the Rocchetta. During World War II the castle was sacked by the Germans and the heirs, it is not known why, tried to donate it to the Municipality of Bologna, which it refused. After a new, long period of decline, in 2006 the complex was purchased and later restored by the Foundation of the Cassa di Risparmio di Bologna.

Since 2015, the date of reopening to the public, the Rocchetta has become an important tourist attraction of the Bolognese.

Taken at Sunny's Photo Studio: maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Sunny%20Photo%20Studio/126...

Pose: Medicated

Taken by Drew Demure Drakul, Co-Owner of Drakul Imagery Studios.

...warm, fed, medicated, and well LOVED ! xo

If you're a person who is chronically ill, you may have experienced some version of what I'm trying to portray here: the bad pain day. I mentioned a while back when I got covid that I had already been a chronically ill person beforehand, and that I had been wanting to do more portrayals of that. I had to get a couple spinal MRIs today and the concept for this image was running through my head while I was in the machine being vibrated. How could I portray what it can really feel like to be a person with an ongoing illness?

My health has not been great for a while, but has gotten more complicated recently. I'm as okay as I can be, it's all being worked on by the relevant medical parties (so no need for medical advice).. but it means lots of ice packs for pain, meds to try to manage symptoms, sometimes cold showers/baths to calm down nerves that are working overtime, and many phone calls setting up medical appointments and talking to my insurance company. I am tired and uncomfortable to say the least, but I have good days and bad days.

Some elements of my life that are not illness-related have been shifted out of focus for now, so they are portrayed that way in this image. I'm a visual artist in real life, and I used to work in kitchens as well until I couldn't. So elements of those lives are shown here, sunken to the bottom, with the focus being on the medications and the ice. My face is also somewhat out of focus for the same reason.

I do hope this image will be taken as it was intended -- a visualization of a bad day for a chronically ill person. I'm aware it could potentially be perceived as a substance abuse thing, so I wanted to be sure to include some info on my perspective and experience here. Just a bad day. I hope you can't relate, but if you can..... this is for you.

Wearing:

Head: Lelutka Halle

Body: Maitreya Lara

Hair: no.match - NO_CHEESE - Pack of BLACKS

Hospital gown: Sloppy Seconds - Women's Hospital Gown

^the mp listing for this did not say if it was rigged for mesh bodies but a reviewer said theirs worked well on Maitreya so I took a shot. It does in fact *not* work for *my* Maitreya body, and this took much editing to make it look like it does lol. So, just be aware, this is standard/system/XS-S-M-L sizing. But it was the only hospital gown I could find that actually looked like a hospital gown.

Mask: *Strela* - Medicine mask simple Blue

The build:

Room/background: ANTINATURAL[+] - Hospital for Souls - Hydrotherapy room

Bath tub: Schultz Bros. - Cast Iron Bathtub - Stone

Orange & white pill bottles: LD Mesh

Ice cubes: cYo - icecubes

Pepto: Grim Factory Outlet - Pepto bottle

Zanny bars: National Prefabrication - Xanax Tablet

Blue pills: Coffee Stains - Oxycodone M30

Camera: Apocolypse Zombie - Old Camera 124G

Hour glasses: Muniick - Llewellyn Desk Hourglass

Mic: MoYne - Stage microphone

Knife: Angry - Kitchen knife