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If I could, I’d remain in a place like Neverland, where you are eternally a child. When you are little, you think about how wonderful being an adult will be: nobody obliges you to tidy your room or to do your homework. Basically, you can do what you want.
But we all know that it’s not completely true. Yes, you have more freedom, but you also have more responsibilities. Choices always come with consequences. It’s the most difficult part about being an adult: bearing the consequences of your own choices.
I chose and I didn’t choose well. Or maybe I did but not in the right moment.
In any case, it’s definitive: I’m dropping out of International Business Economics.
I like economics. I didn’t like so much the business part, but it was OK. But I realized I liked as a way to understand the world, not as my future profession (studying is not the same as working). Maybe I did in June, when I enrolled myself, but not now. Which made me feel terrible. I began to blame myself for changing of opinion so easily. After all, how much can someone change in one summer?
Well, it turned out that a lot.
I didn’t want to disappoint anybody either. Everybody was telling me that I have a bright future ahead. I already began to see it blurry in summer, but university made it worse. Now I didn’t see a future at all. The stress of knowing that you’re about to lose your home, the guiltiness and the inner isolation led me to cyclical depressive episodes. Studying in that condition required more strength than I had. I was (I am) emotionally and psychologically exhausted.
So here I am. I’m home this week because I don’t have to babysit until next Tuesday. I’ll come back to Barcelona and will try to find a job meanwhile. I want to seriously start to study Russian and English to get the corresponding level certificates. And think about what I want to do with my life.
I’d like to never have to grow up, but unfortunately I can’t: childhood doesn’t last forever. We all have to let it go sooner or later. I suppose I began to let go mine too soon, so I made the break even more difficult. It’s difficult when you’re in pain and you’re in pain alone because it keeps you trapped somewhere in between.
I hope that now I’ll finally let it go.
PS: There will be a stop motion/behind the scenes of this, so stay tuned.
PPS: The hosting where I had my portfolio crashed. Aghhh! So it will be offline for until I find another. I am also changing of domain: klykovaphotography.com
PPPS: I won another prize for my high school thesis on Russia :D The first place in the arts, humanities and social sciences category. I even went to the local radio because of that!
View on Black and larger (++++)
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I don't like being sat in an office all week. Let me out! Let me free!
This gorilla is big. The most surprising thing about him is that he is made out of spoons. Spoons? Yes, you heard me right.
Quite why he is made out of spoons is beyond me, but I suppose that is art. He resides at the British Ironworks a strange museum type place with all sorts of metally iron things. It really is quite unusual in the best quirky British way. But it is free to visit, somewhere the whole family can enjoy being together and even your dog can go with you.
Sketch strikingly modern of Satyr and Maenad dancing.
Attic black figure kylix
510 – 500 BC
The Segment Class
Rome, Vatican Museums, Museo Gregoriano Etrusco
Oh the weather outside is frightful,
But the fire is so delightful,
And since we've no place to go,
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!
It doesn't show signs of Pauseping,
And I've bought some corn for popping,
The lights are turned way down low,
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!
When we finally kiss goodnight,
How I'll hate going out in the storm!
But if you'll really hold me tight,
All the way home I'll be warm.
The fire is slowly dying,
And, my dear, we're still good-bying,
But as long as you love me so,
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!
"I have a dream ...that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal"...
I have a dream ...that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood....
This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning; My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring....
And if America is to be a great nation this must become true....From every mountainside, let freedom ring..." - Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929-1968)
Excerpted from "I have a dream" speech - delivered 28 August, 1963
Full text - www.usconstitution.net/dream.html
1/125 sec., f/6.3, ISO 200, focal length 85 mm, polarizing filter
Oh brother, I can't, I can't get through
I've been trying hard to reach you 'cause I don' know what to do
Oh brother, I can't believe it's true
I'm so scared about the future, and I wanna talk to you
Oh, I wanna talk to you
You can take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Or a write a song nobody has sung
Or do something that's never been done
Are you lost or incomplete?
Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece?
Tell me, how do you feel?
"Well, I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak
And they're talking it to me"
So you take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Or write a song nobody has sung
Or do something that's never been done
Or do something that's never been done
So you don't know where you're going and you wanna talk
And you feel like you're going where you've been before
You tell anyone who'll listen, but you feel ignored
Nothing's really making any sense at all, let's talk
Let's talk, let's talk, let's talk
No puedo nadar en tu piel, ¿me dejas entrar? Prometo comerte muy poquito a poco, y hacerte disfrutar con cada vez que mis pestañas choquen contra tus ventrículos.
Had run out of Acros, so went into my TMY2 stock and used the Rodinal to Xtol schema. The combo of an old and new developer with this square grain film seemed to work out well. It doesn't have the same tonality as Acros, but the versatility is higher. The grain is quite impressive, as is the accutance, particularly with a 400 speed film. A very happy day to my fellow impressive flickeranians.
In college I made this lamp as a means to “let go” of inhibition. The cap of the lamp is a fiberglass resin casting of my torso. To create the torso casting I decided to allow a complete stranger (classmate) paint flex wax on my torso to create the mould. And then wrap the mould with plaster impregnated gauze to finalize the mold. It was incredibly liberating to allow someone to view me nude in a vulnerable state. I could have molded anyone’s torso to represent the idea but it wouldn’t have had the same personal impact. Hell, it was all for art sake right? No not really, that year was a huge year for me; the first leap in the direction towards reaching some major life changing goals. An experience I’ll treasure for ever.
So, let go,let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go, l-let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
Explore #466 thanks so very much!
Lets Go! - Martijn van der Nat
1/4000, f2.8, ISO 200, 50 mm
Taken in Axams-Axamer Lizum - Austria
I had planned this image before I even stepped on the plane. It is a little composite.
The first day we got on top of the mountain these were the conditions, I asked my friend to stop and wait for a minute and grabbed my camera. In post production I enhanced the shot with some extra snowflakes flying around and I added a little more background to it. I edited another shot in the background and blurred that to match the 2.8 aperture I used at the moment of shooting the portrait.
This image and more from my trip to Austria are featured in my blog: www.martijnvandernat.nl/winter-wonderland/
2007 Star Stratoliner
1854cc (113 cubic inch) V-Twin
She is a joy to ride but the time has come to part with her. I am putting her up for sale tomorrow so I thought I would give her the royal treatment she deserves and send her away with an LP portrait. I will definitely hate to see her go, but after only riding a little over 4000 miles in 5 years and really needing the room in my garage to finish setting up my shop, I have decided that it is time.
I created a video to help show her off a bit and help with the sale as well. If you are interested in seeing more of the bike or the video, it WILL be posted to the following link when I get it completed: HERE.
Thanks for looking! :-)
Light Painting - Single Exposure
This is Lan Kwai Fong, Hong Kong on a Friday night. Not this Friday but many fridays ago.
The bokeh Chinese guy was doing all sort of dancing moves on the street totally enjoying himself under the limelight. Many passers by stopped and watched his moves, and this man sitting at a bar table by the street looked like he was enjoying the dance too!
Have a nice weekend my friend!
"This is June, the month of grass and leaves . . . already the aspens are trembling again, and a new summer is offered me. Each season is but an infinitesimal point. It no sooner comes than it is gone. It simply gives a tone and hue to my thought. Our thoughts and sentiments answer to the revolution of the seasons, as two cog-wheels fit into each other. A year is made up of a certain series and number of sensations and thoughts which have their language in nature. Now I am ice, now I am sorrel. Each experience reduces itself to a mood of the mind."
- Henry David Thoreau, Journal, June 6, 1857
Growing by the hour, love just like a flower
But when the flower dies, you've got to say goodbye
And let her go