Day 94/365

This was actually a message sent to me by a friend earlier this week. And in addition to the fact that it just flat out made me grin from ear to ear, it gave me a moment of pause because my very first reaction was, "Yes, I am!" Which is a far cry from how I would have reacted 3 months ago. I am strong, I am incredible, and I am, in at least some sense... everything. And once I was done being excited that my own sense of self-worth has grown so far, I wondered what exactly had spurred her to send me such a random outpouring of love.

It took me a little bit to work out what spawned the message, outside of just her having a big heart, which she does, but I finally figured it out.

i post this project in several locations on the web, one of them being tumblr. If you're not familiar with it, it's essentially a sharing/blogging site that seems (in my experience) to be at least primarily populated by the youth of the world... young women (and men) who seem to range in age from 14 to 20 or so.

One of the hazards of being active in a community like that is that you come across a lot of sadness, a lot of despair-- and yes, a lot of young people (and not so young) are gripped by the belief that suicide is the only answer to their depression, that suicide is the only way out of their fear and pain and anxiety.

This last week alone, I saw several posts being re-published by friends of young people who were at the very edge of suicide. One of them really spoke to me, close to the heart. And although I usually stop at a silent prayer for the young person in question, to this particular post, I responded-- sending a message to the young woman in question, and in turn, posting my letter in my own blog.

There have been times in my life when I thought suicide was the answer. Times when I've been at the edge of that particular abyss and have been, by the grace of God, saved. Most notably, almost 11 years ago, when a dorm-mate walked into my locked dorm room and stopped me from taking a handful of pills that were laid out and ready on my desk.

If you are a close friend, or family member... the letter I wrote to this young woman may be hard to read. But I think it's important to post it here as well. Please know that it's been many years since I've felt the way I felt that day... and suicide is not something I would ever consider the "answer" to hardship. Although I was once there, I am not now, nor will I ever be again. Because I am stronger, happier, and safer than I have ever been in my life. And I know that I will never be in that space again.

That being said... what follows is the message that (i think) spawned the message of tonight's photo:

-------------------------------- -- -- -- -- -- ------------------------------------

If you are in the grips of depression, if you are on the edge of suicide and thinking things will never get better, that no one understands what it is to stare at that end-space that no one else seems to see… I DO. I do because I was there. I have been there. And I have come back. And even though I never believed it when anyone told me I could… I did. Because my life is worth more than the pills I would have once used to take it.

I don’t know you, and you don’t know me. But I know where you are. I have been where you are.

I have stared at a small pile of pills, white with red letters, against a fake wood background, next to a keyboard, and a computer, and a mouse and a notebook, and a cup of water.

I’ve watched them swim in a haze of tears that never quite fall.

I’ve felt them in my hand, played them through my fingers. I’ve watched and waited for the “courage” to pick them up, to put them to my lips. And as the moment came, my “locked” dorm room door sprang open to reveal a friend, arrived just in time to stop me.

And 10 years later, I am so glad to have been interrupted by a dorm-mate, to have been stopped, to have been helped. Because 10 years later, my life is nowhere near where it was in that moment. That moment where it seemed like the end was all that was left.

I want to walk in your door. I want to drop them down the sink, the drown them there with that glass of water. I want to take your hand so it is full of love and support and healing… instead of pills. I want to sit with you until those tears that won’t quite fall— do.

There is so much more than this moment and those pills. There is so much more than an ending.

And I know it doesn’t feel like it now. It took years for me to forgive her for interrupting me. But I thank her now daily in my prayers… thank the universe for the yielding door that I swear to this day that I locked behind me.

My life is not perfect, nor will yours be dear girl.

But it is worth more than a pile of pills and cup of water. I promise you. I swear to you. I know, because once upon a time, I didn’t think mine was either.

Please don’t.

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Please don’t.

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Please talk to me.

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Talk to someone.

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But know that you are worth more than a pile of pills and cup of water. Please… don’t let that be what you trade your marvelous, magical, wonderful being for.

There is so much more than this one moment. It’s not an even exchange. Even if it seems as though it’s been years since you’ve been happy— it’s not an even exchange.

You are loved.

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I don’t even know you and I love you.

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You are worth more than this one moment. And someday I hope you know that. Someday I hope you are still around to know that. To believe it.

Please. don’t.

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But now, 11 years after my own battle with suicide, I’m heading to bed… feeling Incredible. Strong… and yes… happy too.

I think the image pretty much says all I want to say.

This is MY "It Gets Better" video for the It Gets Better Project at itgetsbetter.org, an anti-bullying and anti-suicide organization, specializing in the bullying and harassment of gay teens.

Photo by Laurel Golio

2010: A string of high profile suicides of gay teenagers makes national news, sparking debate on the high rates of suicide among LGBT youth and the culture of bullying that exists in many American schools. Dan Savage and his husband Terry Miller found the It Gets Better Project.

A public service announcement for the self-esteem of struggling teen mimes.

ANCIENT WISDOM: You don't have to be Jewish to have a Jewish mother. ~ Anon.

See book titles in Large.

Photo by Laurel Golio

These two books fit the YA profile, from different ends of the spectrum, for introducing teens to the LGBT landscape of love and ensuing issues.

Crush by Carrie Mac is a fast read and like a favorite short film—sweet, positive, with likeable characters, great heroine, cool parents and recognizable dyke lifestyle details. The teen in question is sent to NYC to live with her sister for the summer while her hippie parents go to Thailand to help orphans. Sister turns out to be a pain, but she gets a job babysitting for a lesbian couple and meets a girl...

Hello Groin by Beth Goobie is Canadian and refreshingly candid about masturbation. So full of lust it was quite exhausting to read, but is well integrated into a multi-level story. The protagonist is in love with her best friend since grade school, but doesn't really know it (but sorta does) because she's intent on making it work with her boyfriend and being the model, college-focused, senior. Believeable day to day life details and fleshed out characters including good adult ones help the story along, while the dreamy sequences describing her feelings and sensations give the book high marks for capturing the rush and dilemma of first love. It's my favorite next to Keeping You A Secret which I reviewed earlier.

Not shown is Babyji by Abha Dawesar which may or may not qualify as YA since it is still about a teenager in high school, but the book itself is shelved in adult section. It is notable for the cultural details I learned about India and the girl character is strong minded though not quite believable with all the lust/sex she's having with several women at once, including her maid, school friend and a neighbor, not to mention the attentions of her best friends father.

Photo by Laurel Golio

It's Spirit Day (click to learn more), and in support of the LGBT community, many people wore purple shirts. Me, I can't really wear purple. My skin gets an orange tint around too much purple... so I bought a tie instead.

I remember the rumors when I was in high school. The kid who just killed himself? It's because he was gay, and he couldn't handle what people were saying about him. As a straight guy, I can't imagine what that must feel like.

I think it's better today, but we still have a way to go.

You know what's cool? I work for a company where we have a networking group that supports the LGBT community (I am a proud member). My step-daughter goes to a high school where they have a group that promotes tolerance, too.

It gets better.

Strobe info: SB700 shot through an umbrella, very close to model, upper right pointing down. Nikon D90 w/Nikkor 105mm 1/200 f/20 @ ISO 200,

Photo © 2011 J. Ronald Lee

Photo by Laurel Golio

Rebecca Kaplan has a memorial for all of the LGBT youth at her campaign site

by lilysquishmitt67 ift.tt/1TjM0Mz

Dan Savage (author of the sex advice column Savage Love) and husband/boyfriend Terry Miller, Grand Marshals of the NYC Pride Parade 2011 for their viral video campaign against LGBT youth suicide, "It Gets Better."

On Wednesday, February 8, 2012, The Mercyhurst Fashion Club put on a Fashion show benefiting the It Gets Better Project. Through attendance and donations they heoped to raise awareness and prevent bullying and suicide among the gay and lesbian community or anyone in general who is being bullied. Photos are by Michael Mahler.

For more about the It Gets Better Project, browse to www.itgetsbetter.org/. For more about Erie Gay News, browse to www.eriegaynews.com. For more about Mercyhurst University, browse to www.mercyhurst.edu/

Wednesday, October 20, 2010, is a day set aside to remember the young suicide victims who have killed themselves as a reaction to bullying for being GLBT. All those who want to show support for these bullied kids and teens are asked to wear purple that day, and my "Bears Against Bullies" t-shirt just came in the mail today (yeah, it looks blue in this light, but it is purple). I'll have it on Wednesday!

In response to the "It Gets Better" project that Dan Savage started. This video aims to help support the effort of the GBLT community in sending out a message to the younger generation of closeted or questioning GLBT youth that life does get better.

Please visit my youtube page for the full length version:

Extended on Youtube

Please visit the project's youtube page for more information and response videos to the "It Gets Better" project:

It Gets Better Project

A definite need in the community!

Pride on a bus!

So this is a version #2 of this picture. I'm not sure if i'm exactly pleased on the editing.

It fits the "It Gets Better" project because its my sister and her girlfriend.

www.flickr.com/groups/itgetsbetterproject/

www.TWLOHA.com

Friday October 1, 2010

There has been a rash of suicides of gay teens and young adults lately. It has caught the media's attention.

If you are young and gay and reading this, I just want you to know that it does get better.

I was picked on in school also. But you know what? When you leave school, you won't have to deal with these people again. You'll make new friends who have more in common with you. You'll seek out and find support.

I'll also tell you an odd truth: A couple of the guys who picked on me in high school actually tried to flirt with me years later. The truth is that their efforts to bully me stemmed more from a secret attraction to me than a hatred of me. They were just not mature enough to know how to deal with that, so they picked on me as a way to get my attention. I did decline their advances because I remembered how they had treated me.

I've moved on from high school and now live in a city (San Francisco) where I can live openly and honestly. I have lots of great gay and gay-friendly friends and relatives. I'm also happily married to the man I love.

There was a time when I thought seriously about ending it all, but I stuck it out and things did get so much better. They will for you too ... trust me, you should stick around and find out for yourself!

A group of GLBTT youth have put together a rally - H.A.M. Happens... in response to THREE ISSUES that are not allowed to be spoken of in schools (one school division in particular was noted)

H (homosexuality) A (abortion) M (masturbation) are taboo topics that cannot be presented to "normal" children according to school curricula and administration

Since it's National Coming Out day, I thought it was appropriate to put up this neato find from the fleamarket this weekend. It's a little fan you fold up and keep in your purse. I think it's great to "Keep Cool, And Be Gay" every day of the year!

all the purple i could get together for today. purple is my least favorite color, sooo.

me and my dog's are showing our spirit & support. :)

i'm wearing purple today for all the gays, lesbians, trans, etc out there. especially my friends & family, and most especially brother, who no matter what will always have my support and love, forever and ever.

i know, "what is wearing purple going to do about the problem?" obviously i don't think just wearing the color is going to change things, but i'm wearing it to show my support & love for those who are having a hard time with themselves because others won't accept them. everyone deserves to be accepted and respected no matter what lifestyle they choose. gay, lesbian, trans, straight...we're all the same. we're all equal. we're all humans. the only difference between us is who we love. and no matter who we love, we all love the same.

just because some people(or all people) try to put you down because of your lifestyle doesn't mean you should give up. everyone's life gets hard at one time or another, some harder than others, but that's no reason to give up. it's a reason to keep going, to prove them wrong. to shove their jerky words down their throat so they choke on them. i was picked on and bullied all my life, reasons different than this, but still the same feeling. getting picked on for anything from sexuality, to the way you dress, or trends you choose not to follow, and even the color of your hair...it all hurts the same. it can make a person feel completely worthless, feeling like they'll never have friends, or people who like them. you have to forget them though, if someone doesn't want to accept you for who you are then they don't deserve to know you. you have to remember that no matter how bad it may seem...

IT GETS BETTER. <3<3<3

*bigger versions in the comments.*

Beginning with one inspiring video, Dan Savage used the web to create the It Gets Better project--a movement that has generated thousands of uplifting videos that give hope to teens. ---A mirror of the YouTube Vid by Chrome youtu.be/7skPnJOZYdA So that schools who block YouTube can still view it. Thank you!

I know this isn't a photograph, but I'm posting this to my photostream anyway. How many of you guys saw this tonight while watching Glee? I and Thom were moved to tears, by a commercial done by Google! The new "It Gets Better" spot is one of the best PSAs I've EVER seen and I wanted to share it with my Flickr friends who might not have gotten the chance to see it. Even if you did catch it tonight, I'll bet you'll be glad to see it again! It DOES Get Better! HAVE HOPE! Watch the video here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=26dQTVtmt0s

Full set of 2011 NYC Pride Parade Photos, here:

www.flickr.com/photos/jimkiernan/sets/72157626934208225/

So the idea is that people should wear purple today to honor the recent spate (and presumably all) teen suicides by LGBTQ, which happened as a direct result of their being bullied at home and/or at school.

This is the closest thing I have to anything purple-sort of a grey with delusions of lavender. But at least it sends a clear message which is this: Just as America weathered attacks by a much older and stronger nation with their Revolutionary War era steampunk anglobots, you too can weather attacks by bullies. It DOES get better.

I should know because I’m a 44-year-old man who survived being bullied and now I live in a purple room in the gayest neighborhood on Earth. See? Better.

Frankly I’m of the opinion that we could totally eradicate bullying for good just by having people spend some time in soothing purple rooms. But until we can put that plan into effect, just know that it will not always be like this. And you know what? I bet if you asked some of the copious amounts of straight people all around you THEY don’t want it to be like this forever either, even without the bullying. No one in his right mind wants to be a teenager forever. And the best part is no one has to. Eventually we grow up and wrap ourselves in the armor of lives full of amazing things, fantastic experiences and wonderful people. And the best part is that things never ever have to be as confusing and as lonely as they are for you now. For now, your job is to live, to learn and to prepare for the rest of your life. It really does-totally telling the truth here-get better.

And any of you bullies out there? Knock it off or the unicorns are going to get VERY angry.

www.thetrevorproject.org/

by Dan Savage and Terry Miller for blog posting Dear Queer Teen: It Gets Better

On Wednesday, February 8, 2012, The Mercyhurst Fashion Club put on a Fashion show benefiting the It Gets Better Project. Through attendance and donations they heoped to raise awareness and prevent bullying and suicide among the gay and lesbian community or anyone in general who is being bullied. Photos are by Michael Mahler.

For more about the It Gets Better Project, browse to www.itgetsbetter.org/. For more about Erie Gay News, browse to www.eriegaynews.com. For more about Mercyhurst University, browse to www.mercyhurst.edu/

Set on Facebook: on.fb.me/11Ey0QX

Dan Ex. Lab Copyright © 2013 by Daniele Sabri Haouam. All Rights Reserved.

STR8 dudes take it off so the Homos can get their rights on! What happens when the gay guys at FCKH8.com get their hands on a dozen STR8 guys? The 2011 "STR8 Against H8" Benefit Calendar! We stripped the boys down, oiled them up & took some steamy pics! Go behind the scenes & watch all the action. Calendars are just $10 & $4 from each one goes to fund the fight for equal rights & for queer youth suicide prevention.

Watch this video on Vimeo. Video created by vimeo.com/user4887404.

Photo by Laurel Golio