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Rock Generations
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Ruxe Ruxe in Concert at Bobber Café in Bertamiráns
Ruxe Ruxe en concerto no Bobber Café en Bertamiráns.
Some Music?
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The Buddhist gesture abhaya mudra is a gesture of fearlessness or reassurance. I wasn't actually seeking to illustrate Buddhist symbols when I made this photo. I was really trying out two new 32" optical white umbrellas matched up with twin LumoPro LP 180 manual flashes. This was probably an appropriate subject, as I was needing some reassurance about weaning myself off E-TTL flash.
Ahhhhw *-* finally arrived new wig and eyes! I'm so happy, now she is almost perfect...
Shoes, wig and eyes from LeekeWorld <3
I'm afraid I haven't much spare time to do my blog at the moment as I've had problems with my computer causing me to loose quite a number of pictures and videos and I am having a clear out so it doesn't happen again. Fortunately as far as Jojo is concerned I take plenty so I wont miss the odd one here and there but some bus pictures are totally lost and some will need to be rescanned. The problem was un beknown to me my computer has been backing up copies of my files so I have at least two of everything. I've tried but the computer is reluctant to delete it and so I've been going through deleting the big movies files by hand. But when I haven't been doing that I've been outside of course taking photos including this set of some rather nice black underwear.
Happy Halloween! Have you ever been afraid in the outdoors?
It must be something about being in the dark, in a strange place, exposed to whatever lies beyond what we can see. We hear stories about what could possibly be out there, usually while around the moody light show of the campfire. It can be spooky. There's just something about the dark woods. Those of us who venture out there alone are often asked how we can do that, but you get used to it. You know what's out there and you just don't let your thoughts go to that spooky place. (Also, I have Nancy with me. Not sure why that helps exactly, but it does. So yeah, I cheat.)
In that spirit, I know tell you the story of the most scared I have ever been in the woods...
It was a dark and stormy night, a night not unlike this one. (Actually it was in the middle of the day. That just sounds spookier.) Many years ago I was camping up in South River, on the family property we have up there, far into the darkened woods. (Well, actually about 200m in from the car, but quite isolated from the cottages along the gravel road.) Alone, I set up in a clearing in an area that had a reputation for wild animals appearing, but I felt safe as I had camped there many times before without incident.
For example, once, while sitting alone at the campfire, a large shadowy figure appeared to me suddenly out of the darkness. With it's face lit up by the flickering fire, standing so tall, I was a little freaked out, not knowing what it was at first. When it gave off a quiet huff, it appeared as if steam shot out of it's darkened face. I sat there motionless as my eyes adjusted to the light, and I was able to just make out the outline of my visitor. The moose lowered it's head, sniffed the ground, bellowed a bit while turning back into the woods. Turned out to be quite a unique moment, after laughing at my initial reaction to myself. No, that wasn't the most scared I've been in the woods.
Another time, in that very same spot, I heard rustling around the camp. There were four of us camping there. At this point we were just off to sleep in our tents. Because of kind of teasing one friend about bears visiting, I assumed another friend was taking to scare us. When the rustling came near, I shouted out, "Okay, we hear you. Very funny. Now let me sleep." But he didn't give up just yet, getting closer to my tent. "Alright," I said as he approached quite closely, even touching my tent for good measure, "Just go to bed." Somehow I scared my friend, as it sounded like a panicked movement away, even pulling the guy wires out. I rolled over and went to sleep in my half collapsed tent. "Awesome. Thanks." When I awoke, there were a lot of "Not Me"s, until we finally concluded it might have been a deer passing through. I confirmed this, so not to freak them out, putting my tent back up and covering the bear prints.
No, the most scared I've ever been in the woods was that day I was setting the tent up by myself. There wasn't any sounds to be heard on this creepily calm day. The leaves from years past covered the ground, with trees in full bloom hiding what lay beyond the dark forest. That's when I heard it. And it was close.
You see, there's rule of thumb for animal noises. However big you think it sounds, it's going to be at least 5 times smaller. Are you certain it sounded like a bear? It's a raccoon. Squirrels and chipmunks really sound a lot bigger when rustling up the leaves. A couple together leaves many to automatically think "pack of wolves". Quick thunking, with sticks cracking must be chainsaw weilding Sasquatch, right? But then it's just a deer running - probably spooked by you.
I know this. I remind myself of this regularly. This is exactly why what I heard that day started to alert me. The sounds of the animal just beyond my view were very loud. Worse, there didn't seem to be any attempt to hide the sound, the way tentative animals tend to move. It sounded big. I did my calculation. It sounded like a bear, so it must be a raccoon, right? Right? Why was it still making noise? I coughed and made some noise to alert it to my presence. It stopped. Whew.
But then it started coming towards me. And started to speed up.
Every bit of knowledge I have about animals, both first and second hand, tells me they generally avoid humans. Any time I might succumb to scary thoughts I remind myself of this, just as I had in that moment, and I was desperately trying to sound as human as possible. But this time, it was counter-productive. This time, the animal was coming closer and closer, right for me. Obviously, there was only one reason this vicious beast was coming at me. It knew what I was and wasn't afraid. Clearly, it was coming for me with nefarious intent.
I searched my now scattered mind for any tidbit of information I could use to avoid the impending attack. Based on it's speed there was no way I could run. I frantically looked around for some kind of weapon. The best I could do was a sharp tent peg. Damn this stupid tent for using plastic pegs. They weren't sharp. I was doomed. I braced myself as my assailant was moments away from pouncing, my heart raced, conjuring my resolve as I tensed up, waiting for this beast to appear, hoping I could manage just any type of quick blow that might slow the animal down, hoping desperately I could figure out a way to escape.
It was time. It was right beyond those trees. Are you ready, Preston? Gulp... Let's do this. I really don't want to do this. Was this really happening? (A newspaper headline flashed in my head: "Man known to tell friends not to worry about wild animals, eaten by wild animal. After pathetic attempt to defend himself, found in fetal position.")
That's when I heard it, "Meow." What?!
In all it's furry fury, it was a house cat that lived down the road. Why was it making so much noise to sound like a hungry, knife-wielding Klondike that just escaped the local animal shelter for the criminally insane? Aren't cats usually quiet stalkers? Well, it was because it didn't need to be quiet. It was a cat. He heard a human, got excited and ran towards it, because when there's humans there's good scratches and possibly food.
As it purred and rubbed against me, I can honestly tell you that, in the category of letting my imagination get the best of me, this was the most embarrassed I have ever been. (And relieved.)
I named him Sam. He hung out with me the whole long weekend, and he did enjoy a good scratch (and hotdogs). He even slept in the tent with me. When I went searching for his owners I found out that he lived down the road, and was told he was very well known for being friendly with visiting campers, having a warm, harmless personality.
Though I was the only one he had ever scared.
Happy Halloween, everyone!
Just one pic from my stay at Hawaii visiting my brother. I can't remember how many steps this was to the top, but it was alot. I was afraid I was gonna trip and fall backwards all the way down the steps when we got towards the top, but i'm alive! This used to be some type of mine, and these were railroad like tracks that they used to get things up and down this beast.
I have a ton of photos to upload, but i don't want to rely on editing any more with my laptop. The color reproduction on my screen makes everything look blue, it's pretty awesome..
I'm afraid a lot of them got snagged before I even got a chance to announce them but there are still a couple left!
Don't forget you can use the coupon FREESHIP for multiple purchases but do remember the surcharge for additional wigs c:
Thanks so much for all the support guys! We hope you are enjoying all the wigs! <3
Hi Guys !
Guess What ?
Chickenpox Is Almost Gone =P ! lol !
Offf, I'm Afraid It'll Scar Though @@ !
It Was A HELL Of A Week !
4 Days Of Staying @ My Stupid Room, Just Staying There =P
Doing Absolutely NOTHING !
But It Was OK .. Since I Didn't Go To That Stupid School xP !
AND Everyone Kept Comin' 2 My Room, Cheering Me Up n' Sayin' Nice Stuff About Me xP .. Hehehehe !
ANYWAY !
So, This Weekend We Went To Toronto ..
And Oh Em Gee .. OH MY GOD ! Was One Hell Of A Trip !
We Saw The Niagara Falls, And We Went Right Next To It By A Boat .. It Was RAINING Waterfalls ..
And I Was Like " Should I Get My Camera Out ? No I Shouldn't, YEAH I Should ! " And I Got It Out And Took One Or Two Photos ..
And It Went WET .. Then I Was Afraid That It Won't Operate So I Put It Back In The Bag xP !
And My God, Toronto Is AMAZING !
Lots And LOTS Of People, It's Like .. A CITY You Know ? An ACTUAL City ..
Unlike Ottawa .. So Quiet And BOARING @@ !
We Had A Blast xP !
So, About The Photo ..
On The Left, You've Got Yours Truly =P !
And On The Right Is My Roomie xP !
He's A GREAT Guy .. I Mean Seriously Guys .. Can't Even Describe Him ..
When I Had Chickenpox And I Was In Bed All Day Every Day .. I Kept Going " Bring Me This, Bring Me That, Put On My Cream " And He Was Like .. Doing Everything I Say xP ! And Not Even Complaining !
Great Dude =D !
ANYWAY .. Enough About Him ..
How About YOU Guys ? Any Of You Having A Blast Like I Am Over Here ?
,
,
Cheers
He was not afraid. :)
Taken on a trip to the Miracle Mile in Wyoming on the last weekend in March of 08 with a few of my pals. The fishing was no good because of the weather but it created ideal conditions for me.
So this place is somewhere my family has been taking me forever. My grandparents have a little Airstream trailer that sits up at the river year round. Propane heat, oven and stove. Roughing it, with a little comfort mixed in.
Conditions can be pretty rough, both in summer and winter.....and in March! It's a long way out on dirt roads that see VERY little activity. If you break down it could be a day before you see anyone. On this trip we were reminded of just how vulnerable we as humans are to nature.
On Sunday, the day we planned to leave, we awoke to a little snow on the ground and pretty cold temperatures. It really wasn't sticking to the ground though. The boys weren't afraid and they tried their luck at the fishing again that morning. After a few hours they called it quits and we started to pack up and clean the trailer. My buddy really wanted to try and land a fish in the tough conditions so he went down to the river to try one last time before we headed home.
I joined him, to try and take a few photos of him fishing in the snow. As soon as we got to the river the snow picked up a little. Then a lot. He had barely gotten himself into the freezing cold water before he turned around and looked at me like, "Holy $%@#, we should probably get out of here!"
And we did. We locked up the trailer and hit the road.
Now my buddies were in a 4 wheel drive Jeep and I was in a front wheel drive Altima. No chains. We drove in on dry roads and we were leaving in blizzard conditions. There are a few different roads leading out of the Mile and I had to choose which one to take. One road takes you up and over a pass but once you get over the pass the roads are paved and it's the shortest route. The other way is pretty flat but it's out on the plains and many times the road drifts over and it's hard to see where the road is. Sometimes the drifts are 10 feet tall and then you're screwed, for lack of a better term. So I thought we'd try our luck at the pass. Yeah, not so much. The first major hill and my car started spinning about three quarters of the way up. Luckily we hadn't gone down that road long before we realized it was not an option.
We turned around, or rather my car did a donut and turned me around and we headed the other way. I've driven in white out conditions before but nothing prepared me for the journey I, and my trusty friends, would take. Just like I suspected the road was full of drifts and with the blizzard conditions visibility was next to nothing. For two and a half hours I followed a few little bushes sticking out of the road hoping that I was on the right path. Honestly it was hard to see if I was on the road or out in the prairie. White as white could be.
We made it off of the dirt roads and to a little town called Hanna. Now if you've ever been to Wyoming you know that outside of a few of the "major" cities, EVERYTHING closes down at 6pm on a Sunday. We rolled into town about 5:55. Just enough time for me to get a pack of smokes at the grocery store and trust me I needed them. The folks at the store told us EVERY road out of Hanna was closed. Hanna has NO motels. None. I was pretty sure I was sleeping in my car that night cuddled up to my furry dog.
At this point we needed gas too. I always fill my tank before I head out on the dirt roads because I know what can happen. No real gas stations in Hanna but they do have a few pumps that take a credit card. That works, if only the pumps worked. No luck.
So we decided to drive a few more miles to Interstate 80 because we figured that was our best option. Luckily the highway ramp wasn't closed and we decided to press our luck and try and get to Laramie which was about 70 miles away. Laramie was the only gas or lodging available. I had less than a quarter tank.
Actually I-80 was the best driving conditions we saw but that really isn't saying much. Visibility was a little better though. We made it to Laramie, and gas, and we were again told that all roads out of Laramie were closed. Hundred of semis, cars and trucks sat at on-ramps around Laramie. We decided to call Wyoming Dep't of Transportation to see if Highway 287 was open. They said yes but probably not for long. We made it out of Laramie and got past the gates before they closed them. I'm not sure if that was a good thing or not, looking back.
By now it was dark, very cold, and the wind was blowing like crazy. My buddy took the lead because he had the 4 wheel drive and better headlights. The snow was whipping around and making it really hard to see. We had to drive a little ways, find a road marker, drive a little more till we spotted the next. Most cars in the other lane were stopped with their hazard lights on. We kept on trucking. Up and over the pass we went. We drove through piles of drifted snow. The wind howled like I've never seen it before. At one point it literally moved my car about 4 feet. Slid it right along the frozen ground. All of a sudden I was in the oncoming lane, or what I thing was the oncoming lane. Scary stuff.
So we finally made it back to Fort Collins. The wicked conditions didn't let up until we reached the city limits. A trip that usually takes three and half hours took almost seven!
Seven hours of hunching over the steering wheel to see out of the windshield. Seven hours of gripping that steering wheel like it was a piece of rope and I was dangling over the edge. :)
I'm glad I had a few friends that didn't panic and knew what they were doing. I've never been so glad to be home from a trip.
Thanks for reading my story.
model: julia c. she actually was afraid to cross the street on a journey to dunkin donuts and i don't think she even knows i took this...hahaha.
Sunset overlooking the Isle of Rhum (for those that have been watching Autumn Watch) today's music is from Marillion www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFi_BMYgaPQ&feature=g-vrec
He grabbed me... his hand around my mouth... his arm around my waist.. pulling me straight of the ground.. i kicked and struggled trying to force him away. he wouldn't let go. He forced me down, holding my arms down even while i kicked and struggled.. even when i cryed and begged. It only lasted about an hour or so.... but it felt like longer. After he'd left i crawled into a ball.. sat and cryed...i feel so dirty. I feel so used.
Film. sooc.
And if you wanted me to stay you know the answer would be yes but you are too afraid to ask. You dont want to show your hand incase the dealer outplays you once again. So you let me walk away and you embrace the cold. I'm tired of waiting. You've used all your chances. But the ties that bind my heart to yours arent easy to break. And as hard as I try to stay away the pull is constant, like the tides, and I cannot deny it. I cannot deny you. And so we whisper our secrets to each other as we hide underneath the sheets. I breathe out, you breathe in. Skin to skin. And with every moment the ties become tighter, stronger. The grip overwhelms me. The hooks make their way across my body and through my soul. I see in your eyes that you feel it to. We shed the same tears. We sleep in the same bed. And when you press your hand against mine we share the same soul. But once again the morning comes and I walk out the door, waiting to hear the words that will make me stay. You hesitate and I try to unravel myself once more. This is not the way I wanted it to be.
Afraid to get wet?
Inspired by "Au lait"-offramp-pat metheny group.
I suggest to listen that song while watching this photo!
Best viewed on black screen:
On January 4, 2011 I made a decision that would shape the next five years of my life, and change me forever as a person. For the previous five years, I had suppressed my inner passion for dolls that had been part of me since I was two years old. As a teenager, I felt embarrassed and ashamed of my once beloved hobby. In an attempt to "grow up" I denied myself any dolls, or even any thoughts of them. But after my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in late 2009, my view of myself and of life changed for the better. It took me a while to finally reclaim my doll hobby, but eventually I picked up where I left off. It was this day in January 2011 that finally motivated me to do the unthinkable--I asked my dad if I could buy a Satiny Shimmer Mulan doll from eBay. I really can't explain why it was this particular doll that broke me, but when I found Mulan while scrolling through eBay listings, I simply couldn't pretend that I wasn't into dolls anymore. Even though I was terrified of what dad and my sister might say, I gathered the courage and found it within myself to ask Dad if I could get her. It might have taken me several years to fully banish dolls from my life, but it was effortless for them to become a part of it again. Within the same day of ordering Mulan, I had purchased several other Disney dolls on eBay. I think part of why it took me so long to crack and to finally buy another doll was because I was afraid that all the time that had passed would somehow have changed my love for them. I was terrified that things would be different and not like they were when I was younger. While my feelings for dolls had not changed, times had, and as a result my collection became something even more wonderful than it had been before. If I had never taken that risk and asked for Mulan, I wouldn't be the same person, and as a result, my life would be unrecognizable. That is why I wanted to dedicate a photo to this day in my life--because it started a chain reaction that would alter the course of the next five years. This is the story of the journey that I have been on for the past five years, who I have ultimately become, and how my collection came to be what it is today.
The early days of my resurgence back into dolls were very different than today. I saw this time as a fresh start for myself and my collection, so I seized the opportunity and tried to "perfect" it. In the beginning, my intention had only been to collect old Mattel Disney dolls. I was not interested in any Barbies, Bratz, American Girl dolls, etc, and I did not want to give any new generation or different manufacturer a chance. I also decided that now that I was a "collector" and not a kid, I should try and keep dolls boxed. But from the get go, this limited doll collection did not work for me. Within a month or so, I started to buy Barbie dolls, and I even dabbled with Disney dolls that did not fit my "requirements." I also realized that I could not physically keep a doll boxed...I could never resist the urge to open them. By the end of that year, Bratz had made a massive comeback into my life, and they became my favorite thing to collect. Even though I "broke" my earliest set of rules, that didn't stop me from making new ones for myself. I was very adamant about not keeping duplicates. I actually had a yard sale/donation bin that I kept in my basement. Each time I acquired a duplicate in a lot, I chose which one to keep, and put the other in the dreaded yard sale container. I'm ashamed to say that many of my childhood favorites and cherished adult purchases spent time in this container waiting for the day that they would be sold at a yard sale. Luckily, that day did not come for most of my dolls, although there were quite a few that I did manage to get rid of. During the first two years of collecting, from 2011 to 2013, I chased after the never ending pursuit of perfection. Whether that meant feeling bad about how many dolls I had, pretending not to like a type of doll that didn't fit into the mold I created, or constantly customizing dolls until they were completely destroyed. As much as I was grateful for the return of dolls into my life, I was constantly analyzing my collection, and thus taking the fun out of the hobby. By the end of 2013, I hit a crossroad. I came to the realization something needed to change...my attitude. At the time, I had an old Flickr account under another name. I opted to delete it because I had so much going on in my life and in my head. I decided that I needed rediscover myself and my passion for dolls in the purest of ways, which meant cutting myself off from the internet and from my own set of "rules."
My break from the internet and my quest to rediscover what I loved about dolls in the first place, was the second best decision I ever made for my collection. There were many dolls and experiences that changed my perspective about doll collecting and about myself. It was during this time that I really figured out who I was as a collector and what I wanted to get out of my doll hobby. I decided to have an open mind and an open heart towards all dolls. Whatever preconceived notions I had, I let go of them. Bratz were really the dolls that helped shape this new found attitude. I learned to love all generations of them, whether they were tall, fish lipped, or just plain gimmicky. By learning to accept Bratz, a switch in my brain flipped. Suddenly, I was able to take that same mentality and use it towards all types of dolls. My entire outlook changed, and I was able to enjoy all sorts of different dolls for the first time in my life. There were dolls that completely surprised me--like Gem Styling Merida or Quick Curl Skipper. They were both dolls that my sister and I previously wrote off as "cheap" and "unworthy." But after rescuing both of these dolls and showing them a little love, we realized just how rewarding both of them were. This wasn't limited to just the two of them--I realized this about so many dolls. If I just gave them a chance, showered them with love and attention, I would discover something magnetic and magical about each one. I came to see that every doll has his or her own flaws, and that none of them would ever truly be "perfect." I learned to be okay with that--in fact, it is these quirks that give a doll their identity, just like as human beings we all have our faults. I started to see my life in the same way that I saw a doll--I approached every day and every situation with an open mind, and instead of fixating on what I didn't like, I focused on the positive attributes. This realization that nothing in life, no doll, no person, no situation, is perfect, liberated me. It gave me the ability to fully enjoy everything, especially my collection. That fear that once held me back, was gone. I was no longer afraid of change--I was motivated to buy dolls that previously I feared would disappoint me. Dolls like Nellie helped me get over those fears. She gave me back a piece of my childhood that I had been missing. I was stunted by the fear that American Girl dolls would let me down, so I had avoided fully getting back into them until 2014. Overcoming those feelings gave me back what I had lost years before, and allowed me the opportunity to fulfill childhood dreams, like owning a Julie doll. I decided in this time to throw out the "rule book" that I had written for myself. If I wanted to buy that brand new Barbie, I would. If I liked that American Girl doll that came out during my doll hiatus, I bought her. If I acquired an eighth Strut It! Yasmin in a bin of dolls, I kept her. If I in fact liked the "tall" Bratz, Bratzillaz, Moxie Girlz, etc, I embraced it, and didn't repress them from my collection any longer. I let these new dolls and experiences inspire me and shape my collection, and by doing so, I freed myself.
All of these years, both when I was a child and when I started my adult collection, have made me into the person and collector that I am today. I can honestly say that I am more passionate and inspired by dolls than I ever have been in my entire life. They have become one of the most rewarding and fulfilling experiences for me, because I have allowed them to be. I love dolls of all makes, eras, generations, types, etc. nowadays. While I don't collect every doll in the world, and I probably never will, I always try to keep an open mind, because one day, that doll I "don't like" might mean the world to me. I've finally learned to harness my passion for dolls and art and to unite the two together. I've discovered who I am as an artist, and I how I want to portray that through my collection. I've realized that some things will never change. I still love rescuing dolls from flea markets and second hand places, and restoring them to their former glory. Dolls still have "feelings" to me. I have accepted that I will always have "too many" dolls, and that I quite frankly am incapable of having a small, limited collection. I've come to see that I have so many different interests, and that I should embrace them instead of control them. I finally got around to fulfilling a dream I've had since I was twelve years old and first discovered the "Katti's Dolls" website that I used to spend hours on daily. I've found a purpose for the internet--to not only share my collection, but to inspire others to stay true to themselves and find happiness in their lives and collections. I want to project as much positivity and love to the world by using my dolls. These days, I try to only focus on what I love about life and my dolls, and I've stopped wasting any of my energy or my time on negativity. I've let go of the reins that were holding onto my collection and I let it do its own thing. I allowed my experiences, current phases, and whatever dolls I come across shape my collection. I've realized that collecting isn't about the end result, but it is about the journey, what you learn from it, and how happy it makes you.
I am grateful for every mistake and wrong turn that brought me here. Without my mess ups and if I had not lost myself altogether at some point, I wouldn't be the person or collector I am today. If I had not taken a five year hiatus, if I hadn't tried so hard to aspire to be someone I wasn't, I wouldn't have been able to rediscover who I actually am. I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to fall in love with dolls all over again. I think at some point in all our lives, we lose sight of who we are, and we don't recognize the person staring back at us in the mirror. But that's part of our journey to self discovery. The only mistake worth regretting is one that you don't learn from. Therefore, I harbor no regrets and no resentment towards any of the decisions that I have made. If I had never gotten "too cool" for dolls, I would never value and appreciate my dolls the way I do now. When I stopped forcing my collection into a box, when I stopped trying to prod it into the perfect "idea" of what it should be, it became even more wonderful than what I ever could have imagined. Looking back, I see that my largest mistake during my early days of collecting was that my over analytical approach to dolls made the hobby become stressful instead of fun. As my mom once told my sister and I when we were young, "Choosing which dolls you want to play with isn't a life changing decision, like choosing to do drugs." Those words hold so much wisdom because sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the small details, and to miss the overall picture. At the end of the day, whatever you choose to do in life should ultimately make you happy and should not stress you out or ignite negativity. My dolls have taught me that sometimes you have to let go and allow things to take their own natural course. My dolls have truly freed me from my pursuit of perfection, my negativity, and they have allowed me to find genuine happiness and self acceptance, and for that I will always be grateful...and without my Satiny Shimmer Mulan doll, none of this would have been possible.
Just an extreme crop experiment: 300mm eq. crop from 85mm lens. While it doesn't have all the sharpness, to my eyes it still retains the "3D look" afforded by larger sensors. Even so, the 85mm lens delivers well on the AA filter equipped D750 and DxO PhotoLab does its usual magic with detail recovery.
More and more, I'm convinced that it's not low light photography where big cameras have their differentiation, it's the low ISO (bright light) situations. This is an ISO 100 shot.