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Over the years, Drake has had many restless nights. Ever since his childhood, he’s been a victim of insomnia, often being kept awake by his anxious and depressing thoughts. Even when things are good in his life, he still finds it hard to get any rest—oftentimes getting caught up in his contentment to let his mind settle down, as even his happiness is something he can’t help but overthink about.
However, this time, that isn’t the case. Lately, Drake has been dealing with feelings of guilt, anxiety, longing, and confusion—brought about by issues much different from the stressors of his past. These issues feel more present—hauntingly so—because it’s not just for himself that Drake worries; it’s also for the two people he loves so deeply—ones he keeps very close to his heart—one of which who’s sleeping right beside him, blissfully unaware of his mental turmoil. He’s afraid of being the one to hurt them both, and in a way, he feels he’s deserving of his restlessness.
Restless Flycatcher, Myiagra inquieta
This is a much better series of images than I managed on my only previous sighting of this species several months ago. At least this time the light was good, I was reasonably close, and the bird sat still for several minutes while I clicked away. I locate this specimen by the weird buzzing sound it was making.
Over the years, Drake has had many restless nights. Ever since his childhood, he’s been a victim of insomnia, often being kept awake by his anxious and depressing thoughts. Even when things are good in his life, he still finds it hard to get any rest—oftentimes getting caught up in his contentment to let his mind settle down, as even his happiness is something he can’t help but overthink about.
However, this time, that isn’t the case. Lately, Drake has been dealing with feelings of guilt, anxiety, longing, and confusion—brought about by issues much different from the stressors of his past. These issues feel more present—hauntingly so—because it’s not just for himself that Drake worries; it’s also for the two people he loves so deeply—ones he keeps very close to his heart—one of which who’s sleeping right beside him, blissfully unaware of his mental turmoil. He’s afraid of being the one to hurt them both, and in a way, he feels he’s deserving of his restlessness.
Much post processing in this, I'm new to slow shutter speeds using ND filters in broad daylight. It was a bit of a struggle to try and get it right.
The final go at recreating that old photo faded look that I enjoy so much but find so hard to replicate or even explain. Anyone know of a PS technique or LR preset that might do the trick?
In the last four photos I have started the processing using a LR Preset '300' and then done various alterations to get closer to the look I want.
Looks better Larger
Day Twelve: December 24th, 2006.
Christmas Eve.
I feel restless and sad. The holiday is almost here and once again, I'm spending it alone though it's mostly by choice. I turn off the ringer on my phone. I won't turn it on again until Tuesday. I need a break from family. A long break.
I spend the day and evening trying to distract myself. I wash dishes, I do laundry, I pay bills. Mainly, I just pace. And pace and pace and pace.
I love the holiday season. Everything leading up to THIS night and the actual day. I love the holiday spirit instilled in everyone. It's so uplifting. But then the actual day approaches and it's just a reminder of all that I've lost. I'm so glad my friends and family are able to have a happy holiday.
I wish I could join in. I wish I knew how. I've spent so many Christmas holidays alone that I really should be used to this feeling. I guess I thought this year might be a little different.
It isn't.
There's always next year. That's what I always tell myself anyway. I'd like to be optimistic about it but it's hard. I'm not feeling very optimistic about the future lately.
I'm just trying to keep busy and do things that I enjoy. But in a way, it's sort of hollow. A few weeks ago, I didn't have to TRY to be happy. I actually WAS. Now, I'm just TRYING because I know it's what everyone wants. It's what will make everyone comfortable.
But I'm sad and I'm restless and I wish I could vent it all. But I can't. And that just makes it worse.
Merry Christmas.