View allAll Photos Tagged Restless
Day Twelve: December 24th, 2006.
Christmas Eve.
I feel restless and sad. The holiday is almost here and once again, I'm spending it alone though it's mostly by choice. I turn off the ringer on my phone. I won't turn it on again until Tuesday. I need a break from family. A long break.
I spend the day and evening trying to distract myself. I wash dishes, I do laundry, I pay bills. Mainly, I just pace. And pace and pace and pace.
I love the holiday season. Everything leading up to THIS night and the actual day. I love the holiday spirit instilled in everyone. It's so uplifting. But then the actual day approaches and it's just a reminder of all that I've lost. I'm so glad my friends and family are able to have a happy holiday.
I wish I could join in. I wish I knew how. I've spent so many Christmas holidays alone that I really should be used to this feeling. I guess I thought this year might be a little different.
It isn't.
There's always next year. That's what I always tell myself anyway. I'd like to be optimistic about it but it's hard. I'm not feeling very optimistic about the future lately.
I'm just trying to keep busy and do things that I enjoy. But in a way, it's sort of hollow. A few weeks ago, I didn't have to TRY to be happy. I actually WAS. Now, I'm just TRYING because I know it's what everyone wants. It's what will make everyone comfortable.
But I'm sad and I'm restless and I wish I could vent it all. But I can't. And that just makes it worse.
Merry Christmas.
Cool Room displaying Restless. This is an Acrylic Abstract Painting by Daniel MacGregor. It is gallery-wrapped and ready for hanging.
Detailed view of Restless. This is an Acrylic Abstract Painting by Daniel MacGregor. It is gallery-wrapped and ready for hanging.