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“I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me, too. Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it’s true I’m here, and I’m just as strange as you.”
– Frida Kahlo
Photo cred Nina Bailey-Dick
Remember that you are not a frightening creature if you feel that nobody cares about you. You need to love yourself in other for others to love you the same way.
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ᴛɢs;̆̈
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“I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles.”
-Audrey Hepburn
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Self-Denial or Self-Focus?
Matt. 16:23 But he turned , and said unto Peter, Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men. 24 Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. 25 For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. 26 For what is a man profited , if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?
Luke 14:26-27,33 If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. 27 And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple. 33 So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath , he cannot be my disciple.
2 Tim. 3:1-7 1 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come . 2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, 4 Traitors, heady, highminded , lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; 5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away . 6 For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, 7 Ever learning , and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.
Jesus said that we cannot be his disciple unless we deny self, take up our cross daily, follow Him. It means forsaking all we love even family. It means putting aside the self, to quit focusing on self, and to quit loving self. The Lord has been teaching me this for weeks now as I asked Him about denying self. He began to show me that when I focus on my pain, it is self-focus. When I focus on my desires, my needs, it is self-focus. When I do what I want to in my way and do not seek the Lord if it is His will for my life, then I have self-love. I am focused on self: what I need, want, my pain, my anger, my depression, my everything.
I had a Self Stronghold for many years. It goes along with a Pride Stronghold and also a Belittlement Stronghold. If some people in our lives have belittled us, abused us, humiliated us, hurt us all our lives, we tend to focus on that pain. The devil makes sure it's our viewpoint, all one sided, only one eye centered in the middle of the forehead like a cyclops. One viewpoint all focused and centered on self like that one-eyed mythical monster. When we do that, we become the monster full of self and opposite of Christ.
Oh, we can see that gays, lesbians, homosexuals and transgender persons do not deny self but indulge self. They do not sacrifice self, focus on Christ or even try to be a disciple of Christ.
Ah, but do we see it in our own lives? I did not until the Lord sent me dreams of conviction. Mighty dreams of rebuke and then I could see my self-focus, my self-love and self-centeredness. We are blind indeed if we see it in others but cannot recognize it in self. If our focus is on others sin and not our own, we are not focused in the right place. If we choose a marriage partner based on what we want, if it satisfies us, then we are not even able to be counted worthy to marry. The marriage will fail. Divorces are caused by self-focus, self-love and self-centeredness. A marriage requires the laying down of self, the sacrifice of self to serve the spouse. Our focus as disciples of Christ should be on Him, not on others sin, not on self. And if we are married we have a special calling from God and it requires a greater self denial than a single person.
self-de·ni·al (sĕlf′dĭ-nī′əl)
n.
Sacrifice of one's own desires or interests. See Synonyms at abstinence.
abstinence
noun
abstention, continence, temperance, self-denial, self-restraint, forbearance, refraining, avoidance, moderation, sobriety, asceticism, teetotalism, abstemiousness, soberness six months of abstinence
opposites of abstinence: abandon, excess, indulgence, self-indulgence, gluttony, acquisitiveness, wantonness, covetousness, greediness
self′-deni′al
n.
1. the sacrifice of one's own desires; unselfishness.
2. an act or instance of restraining or curbing one's desires.
self-denial - the act of denying yourself; controlling your impulses
self-control, self-discipline
self-denial - renunciation of your own interests in favor of the interests of others
self-denial
noun self-sacrifice, renunciation, asceticism, abstemiousness, selflessness, unselfishness, self-abnegation
What motives are really behind your service to the Lord? Are you full of spiritual pride? Do you want recognition? Watch out, dangerous ground to tread on!! I have been there and I know from experience! When we are wounded, we focus on the pain. If someone praises us, offers us a spiritual job, makes us feel important, we grab at it because we need to feel better about self. We have felt like nothing all of our lives. We have been starving emotionally like a famished tiger full of stripes or wounds or beatings. We have been beat up and abused for years. We been left behind, rejected, divorced. We may have been molested. Many hurts, many pains but did you know that Jesus took your stripes, your wounds, your pains, your chastisement even for things that happened to you when you were already a Christian? I dreamed of tigers chasing me while I am trapped on an island. It meant I felt marooned, abandoned, all alone. Starving for attention, for love, for emotional support. Those emotionally starved tigers will be your death if you don't recognize them now and kill them!
Do you want to follow Christ? It will cost you everything! Are you willing? If not, what will you answer to Him on judgment day?
He took your stripes, don't let the starving tigers eat you up alive from the inside. Don’t let your needy self be the cause of making a wrong choice. He must be our focus, let's ask the Holy Spirit to produce the fruit of temperence and self-control in us which is self-denial. We cannot deny self without His help.
Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, 23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. 24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
Do you see it? Temperence is a fruit of the Spirit of God and he produces it in us. Self-control is not willpower. If it was, I would have lost all my extra pounds years ago. Willpower only lasts a while and then fails but self-control is self-denial, sacrifice daily of self as we take up our cross to follow Him. If we truly belong to Him, this MUST be done and by the Spirit of God.
God bless you in your journey to follow Him!
Kathie Luther
“A cat has absolute emotional honesty: human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not.”
― Ernest Hemingway
This image isn't perfect. But, in this moment, I felt what I felt then. I felt like I was 13 again. And I need to continue to share. I need to continue to let go.
I had realized a long while ago, that in order to prosper and progress in my life, I have to become that which I seek. In order to become that woman I see in the Highest Light, I must Heal. I most notice the thoughts and actions that no longer benefit me. Acknowledge their intention to keep me safe, as well as the knowledge I have learned from those boundaries. Then I must replace those stagnant energies with ones that are more effervescent.
As apart of this process, so that I take more notice to my thoughts and actions, I’ve taken up journaling again. I mainly write about the spiritual progress that I’m making. Taking notes of the good, the bad, and the things I don’t understand. I give myself affirmations, I pray. I do my best to be totally honest about the emotions that I’m feeling and look to see if there is a perspective that I’m missing. I’ve also started to draw, color, meditate, paint, photograph, and talk out loud. It’s all a matter of making the time for myself, putting myself back in check. I know the consistency of these new actions and attitudes will help me to truly become the best possible version of me.
I won’t lie: sometimes I just don’t get it. Sometimes, I don’t want it. Sometimes all the pain, suffering, the reasons to cling to them - baffles me. Sometimes I don’t understand why this person treats me the way they do. I’m still uncovering why some things affect me in a particular way. I don’t get it yet, why I might hurt myself in that way. Sometimes the darkness covers my eyes and I forget that if I just say, “I’m doing good, those thoughts aren’t needed today.” I can choose to open my eyes and see the good that the Light has in front of me.
Through my own personal growth, I’ve come to know that there’s a reason and purpose for everything. Instead of saying, “why me?” - I now say, “what is this teaching me?” The Universe will only give me what I focus on and so I will no longer sit and sulk in my negative feelings.
I am so grateful that now I am able to recognize how different things can affect my feelings and my health. It can take some time, every so often, but I am able to notice the disruptions it makes in the relationships that I have with others. Most importantly though, it helps me see the relationship that I have with myself.
————————
Change is inevitable. Time can sometimes be kind. Gratitude is really, the best attitude. Patience, Awareness, and Trust make things easier. Love, Humbleness and Forgiveness are the only way to make things right. Moving in the right direction is the only way I will get to where I want to be. I must take this time that I have here in this journey that I call mine, to be the change in this universe that I want to see.
Thank you, self, for making the time to think these things through. For setting time aside to write it all down and the speak it out loud. I appreciate the wisdom that comes from the lessons and the fact that I am able to handle these things a whole lot better. I pray that I and the rest of us in this universe continue to be prosperous and shine.
MUA: Yasmin Aladham, Model Mayhem # 2713081
Studio / Set Assist: Katie O'Neill Model Mayhem # 2742709
Pink Panther Studios private workshop session Sep 18, 2012
Can you comfort yourself? Have you finally made a sanctuary in yourself? When the world around you feels turbulent, cold, and looming are you able to surrender to your grief and hold yourself? These are things I’ve taught myself in the solitude of despair... bitter and necessary survival techniques that slowly became a tender and loving remembrance of my inherent need to nurture and be nurtured. One of the hardest parts of my journey has been forgiving and releasing the worst and lowest of myself— that wretched sad thing— while also calling her back in close for a hug. In the dreamy quiet of when we play catch and release, renewal and return, when there is no one but her who is I... I am my softest cradle, my safest space. I’m here for her, within her, just as she always needed.
love [me] tender, a film by mary bogdan
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ge6stQVsOOw
This series of intimate self-portraits has been a long time coming... it was my sister who was the "pretty one", the "thin one"... I grew up in her shadow... I was her little sister... never able to be mom's "favorite"... These are painful thoughts, years of feeling self-loathing... today I took these photos of myself with love & forgiveness, & thoughts of "I am beautiful"... chubby, but beautiful...
My heritage was my sense of myself as a "fat person"... not quite worthy of beauty & love. Feeling deep pains as I write this... but today is the day I fight back & say "It's OK to be fat"... It's beautiful if you feel beautiful inside, if you are loved deeply by a wonderful man & if you love yourself enough to forgive yourself for being "fat"...
I think these photos of myself are full of love & beauty... that's how I feel about [ME]... today.
SleepyOwl says: Oh, yes, the depth of the music layering really complements the depth of your personal revelatory journeying... You are so generous, Mary, to invite us to witness this transmutation of sorrow and painful memories. The video felt like an exorcism viewed through a kaleidoscope with its richness of shapes and colors, and at other moments there was the simple purity of free-fall flight -- into healing... I played the video a bunch of times -- first with the sound only, then with only the images, then integrated. Then on the fourth viewing I was struck with the message of the universality and the complexity and the power and the joy of human sensuality.
Bitte verzeihe mir.
Es tut mir leid.
Ich liebe dich.
Danke.
Ho' oponopono Song
www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpCrV6bElzA&feature=related
Ho'oponopono - Heile dich selbst und heile die Welt
www.youtube.com/watch?v=icoa454l2nk&feature=related
Inspiration for the image, here:
My Favourite Time of Year (New Christmas Song 2011)