View allAll Photos Tagged imsorry
Day Thirty-Seven: January 18th, 2007.
I received this apology note in the mail on Tuesday but I've been re-reading it all week long and really absorbing it today. It's from a person who has hurt me very deeply, someone I never expected to hear from again.
When I first caught a glance of it in my mailbox, I was devastated and furious at the same time. I thought that she was just trying to drive the knife in a little deeper or that she sent it simply to rid herself of her own guilty conscience.
This was the front of the note. The details of the apology I'll keep to myself. It was short and sweet and right to the point.
I had a feeling something like this was about to happen. Somehow I knew it was coming. I just didn't know how I'd react or what it'd do to me.
I have a lot of experience with apologizing. I have a lot of experience with forgiveness. Maybe I say I'm sorry too often to others. Maybe I accept apologies too easily. Maybe both of those are just flaws of my character. I don't know.
All I know is... after my initial reaction wore off, I felt myself emotionally drained. And I felt like I needed to accept the apology. Not for her sake. For mine. I needed to be able to forgive her in order to close the door on the past and move on.
It doesn't mean I'm not still terribly upset with her. It certainly doesn't alleviate any of the pain she caused me. I want to believe that it's genuine and that she really is sorry for the mistakes and the lies and the games she's played with my head.
I want to believe that because I want to still be able to believe in her a little bit. I want to be able to believe in the good things I saw in her, the things that made me fall in love in the first place. I want to believe that despite the extreme hurt she's caused me, that deep down some tiny part of her really does care about me.
I guess what it all comes down to is this.
I don't know how NOT to forgive someone who asks for it.
It's hard to take that step and ask for forgiveness. It requires an incredible amount of courage. And I respect that.
The apology doesn't change everything but it does help to slowly move past the hate that had been building up in my heart for the past month.
Things will never be the same between us. We'll never be as close as we once were. I don't think I'll ever fully be able to trust her. And I don't really know what kind of friendship, if any, can emerge from the emotional turmoil of the past year.
An apology is a good start though.
I... *sigh*. There are those of you out there who I would like to apologize to, and those people know who they are. Tonight, I talked to a friend who I hadn't heard from in months. After a few minutes of the small stuff, she explains that she's still hurt and confused about our friendship, because back in high school, we tried a long distance thing which didn't end up working out. It was definitely a surprise to hear this all to say the least. Then, I talked to another friend where we've had to work at our friendship for a while and that conversation didn't go over too well either.
I've messed up before in relationships in the past. Some of the harm was even made apparent to me until years after. I'm sorry.
Though we’re tethered to the story we must tell,
When I saw you, well, I knew we’d tell it well.
With a whisper, we will tame the vicious seas.
Like a feather bringing kingdoms to their knees.
I've never said this before, but please, view large and on black, it's so much better.
Joyeux Noël,
Feliz Navidad,
Merry Christmas,
Frohe Weihnachten,
Kala Christouyenna,
Merry Keshmish,
Mele Kalikimaka,
Gajan Kristnaskon,
Chung MunghGiang Sin,
Nadolig Llawen,
Hyvaa joulua,
Gledileg Jol,
God Jul,
Glædelig Jul,
Sretan Bozic,
Linksmu Kaledu,
[25.12.2006]
It’s the time of year when we roll up our sleeves and get to work.
Feels like paralysis.
Where do I begin to describe a life that took years to build?
What part do I reveal?
What rhythm?
What mood?
Who are the audience?
Question upon question taunt me.
I turn myself inside and start the journey of discovery.
Let’s see where I go this year.
I might be quiet from time to time because of the work load I’m getting but I will be sure to come and visit you all.
I apologize about the crap picture and crap photoshop job.. Its an old one.. But I thought it describes the feeling of constraint I am feeling at the moment.
020313 - All four characters combined in action in one single room, Tim Burton Style. This was the second drawing, the first one lacked of interaction between the characters and it was boring and ugly. Still, I wish Philip had more importance on the scene, here it's just revealing what happened a while ago. - Better in big.
Song: Just a Little Heat
Lyric: You've got it written all over your face
Artist: The Black Keys
It's in my head,
I can't let go,
No matter what you said,
'Cause I...already know,
Leavin' this place,
'Cause you, you've got it written,
All over your face
I think this song is about a guy seeing a cheating girlfriend for the first time after finding out that she's cheated on him. He's looking for a spark of passion still there, "just a little heat, now on this cold day", but the moment he sees her it's clear that she can't hide the fact she cheated. So he tells her to leave.
Inspired by recent events of my long time friends breaking up** WOOH yay for Creativity!
This is her "I'm sorry I didn't mean to pee on the floor but I just couldn't hold it anymore and you guys weren't here and i'm sorry just don't yell at me!" look. We didn't yell at her, it was totally our fault. It was cute though, when we came home she hid behind me as the Boy tried to let her outside.
Let me first apologize to everyone that was at the flickr meet up today. As most of you know I have Bipolar II and suffer from panic attacks (henceforth known as THINGS , THEY or THEM ).
These attacks are unpredictable and, unfortunately, often completely unstoppable.
The meds that I take every day have helped to reduce the frequency of these attacks. But, they aren't magic pills.
I showered & dressed without incident. As I was pulling my hair back, I felt it.
If you have never had a panic attack, it is almost impossible to fully convey what they are like.
Your body goes into a sort of fight or flight mode. Flight ALWAYS wins.
So today, there I stood, practically ready to leave & suddenly, I had to be in my bed, NOW, where it was safe. Safe from what? I wish I knew.
Your mind runs wild. Suddenly, I wasn't going to a lovely park to meet with friends. I was going to this BIG PLACE! ALONE! TO WALK INTO THE WOODS! WITH STRANGERS!
Yes, I am completely aware of how absurd that sounds. Even in the middle of one of these THINGS I still have a rational voice in the back of my head. Today it said, "don't be so stupid, what is your problem? just GET IN THE CAR & GO".
But I can't. I can't leave my safe place until the panic slowly eases away.
Now comes the really crappy part of the whole process. Reality returns & I am slapped in the face with a flood of emotions. I feel stupid for being afraid of something that was, in reality nothing. I feel angry for not being able to make it just stop. I feel embarrassed for being so weak.
But the worst part may be this; these THINGS take away so much of my life. They have made me miss: work, dinners with friends, weddings, funerals, family gatherings, and too many other things to list. THEY take away pieces of my life that I can NEVER get back. And I hate THEM for controlling even one minute of my life.
Joyeux Noël,
Feliz Navidad,
Merry Christmas,
Frohe Weihnachten,
Kala Christouyenna,
Merry Keshmish,
Mele Kalikimaka,
Gajan Kristnaskon,
Chung MunghGiang Sin,
Nadolig Llawen,
Hyvaa joulua,
Gledileg Jol,
God Jul,
Glædelig Jul,
Sretan Bozic,
Linksmu Kaledu,
[25.12.2006]
three hundred and twenty three
I am back... and I came back in typical dramatic fashion.
I didn't miss my boat going there, I missed my boat coming back. And that pisses me off to a great deal because I'm supposed to be a seasoned traveler, and mistakes like that should never be made by me.
I'm also burnt... though not to a crisp... with some help from the lovely sun. The weather was pretty favourable.
Unfortunately, I didn't bring my camera (what?!!), but that's ok. You wouldn't have wanted to see the pool, the beach, the spa...
I should be sleeping now... I kinda told a birdie I would...
Canon AE-1 :: Ferrania Solaris :: ISO 800
He's back around here
making it clear
he don't like the way we went down.
but i can't go back
we're too far off track
i don't need a heartake around.
we had our good times
but they don't outweigh
the bad luck our loving went thrugh.
Lord if he's sorry
i'm sorry about that
but this time I'm sorry won't do..
this time i'm sorry won't do
no, this time i'm sorry won't do
Lord if he's sorry
i'm sorry about that
But, this time i'm sorry won't do.
He's left too many times in the past
saying that he needs some time.
He says he's sorry every time he calls home
Lord it plays hell on my mind.
yes we had good times
but they don't outweigh
the bad times our loving went through
Lord if he's sorry i'm sorry about that
but this time i'm sorry won't do.
No, this time i'm sorry won't do
this time i'm sorry won't do
Lord, if He's sorry i'm sorry about that
but this time i'm sorry won't do..
1987, connetta jean.
One of my Flickr friends - Nictay 27 - lost her grandfather today..
She seems like such a kind soul, and I hate that she has to go through this bad day. I'm not sure the song I picked is entirely appropriate - some of the lyrics don't really fit - but there are all kinds of pain and disappointments that we have to go through in life - and they all hurt. Sometimes the loss is beyond our control - sometimes it's self-inflicted - but it usually leaves us wishing we could say we're sorry. And this song is what came to mind...
Maybe it's because when my own grandfather passed, I handled it very badly, and I wish I could tell him I'm sorry......
Feist - "so sorry"
I took this picture a few months ago, but I thought it was a good one.
I'm such a bitch to my grandma,
mostly because I get angry easily,
but I'm going to stop,
she's 80,
and only God knows when she's going to be gone.
Out of "disheartened" and "encouraged" I chose to do disheartened. I think this photo represents disheartened because it is a note saying sorry for making someone disheartened. I took this photo in the afternoon outside so the light is warm. I took this photo from a high angle. I like this picture because I like the way the red pops against the grey pavement.
After purchasing my D90 almost two weeks ago, it was inevitable that the quintessential mirror shot would eventually make its appearance on my photostream.
Meet Dinah the D90. She's a beaut!
had loved you, but the old you
had loved me, but the old me
will there be love for new ones?
i doubt it..
i might be right.
Joyeux Noël,
Feliz Navidad,
Merry Christmas,
Frohe Weihnachten,
Kala Christouyenna,
Merry Keshmish,
Mele Kalikimaka,
Gajan Kristnaskon,
Chung MunghGiang Sin,
Nadolig Llawen,
Hyvaa joulua,
Gledileg Jol,
God Jul,
Glædelig Jul,
Sretan Bozic,
Linksmu Kaledu,
[25.12.2006]
Joyeux Noël,
Feliz Navidad,
Merry Christmas,
Frohe Weihnachten,
Kala Christouyenna,
Merry Keshmish,
Mele Kalikimaka,
Gajan Kristnaskon,
Chung MunghGiang Sin,
Nadolig Llawen,
Hyvaa joulua,
Gledileg Jol,
God Jul,
Glædelig Jul,
Sretan Bozic,
Linksmu Kaledu,
[25.12.2006]
Santo Stefano
[26.12.2006]
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Now there's a look in your eyes, like black holes in the sky.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
You were caught on the crossfire of childhood and stardom,
blown on the steel breeze.
Come on you target for faraway laughter,
come on you stranger, you legend, you martyr, and shine!
You reached for the secret too soon, you cried for the moon.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Threatened by shadows at night, and exposed in the light.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Well you wore out your welcome with random precision,
rode on the steel breeze.
Come on you raver, you seer of visions,
come on you painter, you piper, you prisoner, and shine!
[Pink Floyd - Shine on you crazy diamond]
Joyeux Noël,
Feliz Navidad,
Merry Christmas,
Frohe Weihnachten,
Kala Christouyenna,
Merry Keshmish,
Mele Kalikimaka,
Gajan Kristnaskon,
Chung MunghGiang Sin,
Nadolig Llawen,
Hyvaa joulua,
Gledileg Jol,
God Jul,
Glædelig Jul,
Sretan Bozic,
Linksmu Kaledu,
[25.12.2006]
I really think I'm done with 365 days! As you can see my keyboard is f*#*ked and I just don't have the energy or creativity to keep up with this anymore. All I manage to share is my depressed days with everyone and I just can't keep doing that. It's not fair to all of you. :o( I will take photos but not everyday. If you are wondering a drink got spilled on my keyboard today so most of the keys don't work. :o( Anyway, I'm sorry. I'm usually not a quitter, it is just too hard to keep up with photos everyday, schoolwork and housework; for me at least. My creativity has been waning and I just have all these regular photos lately. Needless to say, that has made me feel bad, because my 365 days photos deserve thought and execution to them. At some point, I may try again, but for now, I just cannot do it.
I may change my mind before the day is over, but at this point I am unsure if that will happen or not. So, just bear with me please? It may just be stress piling up on me because of everything having to break down in this house. Anyway, if you see a photo later on today that says Day 164, you will know that I decided to trudge on and complete this thing.
Today my son learned how to say, " I'm Sorry" in sign language. It is taking the letter A and placing it over your heart using a circular motion. There was no reason why he had to say sorry, he was just showing me what he learned in school.
Lap 125 out of 365 complete.