Next year it will be a decade since I started at university. A decade since I left home for the first time, entered an adulthood of sorts for the first time and ate houmous for the first time. I went from degree to degree and then, immediately that I left my last degree, I got a job at the University of Glasgow, pictured above. If it ain't broke, why move away from the cosseted loveliness of a university environment?

It's hard to underestimate the influence that attending university has had on my life. I expect that I would have learned to look after myself, made friends, been heartbroken, stayed up all night and come to eat Mediterranean dips had I not gone to a higher education institution. I'm the only person in my generation of my family to do an academic degree - I know that not everyone wants or needs it. But my route was, and is, uni.

I took today's photo while having lunch after doing one of my jobs at the university. I work in the widening access department, helping kids who go to schools with low take-up for higher education to prepare for university. I believe in this work. When people ask me if we aren't doing the pupils a disservice by propelling them into an environment for which they are not suited, there are now studies which show that the students we help do just as well, if not better, than their more affluent counterparts. I LOVE THOSE STUDIES.

I was working for the access to the professions side of the work, helping budding medics, dentists, vets and lawyers. We get them to fulfil various tasks and they come to a summer school to find out what uni will be like, what their envisaged profession will be like. I was working with a group of potential lawyers and we were reading various articles and discussing their written assignment topic: prisoner voting rights.

It was, well, it was hard. They rested neatly in the far, far right. Nope. Further than that. Not only was hanging too good for them, but in the thought experiment that 5% of them were incorrectly accused, they were happy to see those innocents die, rather than give human rights to the others. Or TVs, heaven forbid any of them have TVs. I tweeted my immediate reaction as: 'Don't know where the idea that teenagers crave change comes from. Most conservative demographic I ever encounter. Them & taxi drivers.' I remember discovering similar views in my peers at school, ten years ago. At that age I felt that it was to do with the affluence of my friends. But today we were in a catchment area marked as a deprivation area, and there were those ideas again. Maybe even more vehement. I normally leave these sessions pleased and bouncy. This time I was sad and angry. Sad sad and angry angry.

I have rested. I have chatted. I have pondered. Would my school friends still espouse these views? Most of them, not at all. Did I have some pretty terrible views at 16? Yup (man, I was shit to women). How did these things change? Uni. The University of Edinburgh, and the University of Life.

Churchill/Mark Twain/Dickens/Oscar Wilde/Dorothy Parker famously (is misreported as having) said: if you're not a liberal in your youth then you have no heart, if you're not a conservative in middle age then you have no brain. Currently, though, I get more and more left wing (not the same as liberal at all, as well you know, but why split hairs? Churchill had hardly any, though I grant Twain and Dickens more than make up for it) as I age. I am much, much more radical now than I was in my teens and early twenties. In my case, I put that down in large part to the skills I got, books I read and friends I made at university. The things which had made me square in school (loving poetry reciting, general knowledge and playing the clarsach) made me cool at uni. In the same sort of way, I learned to question, to probe, to weigh up facts as an end in itself in a way that would not have been okay at school, or which I was incapable of. I learned to transform a general feeling of ickiness to argument, reason and persuasion when people bad-mouthed immigrants or called our friends sluts. I became unwilling to let things lie when people said them, because I had learned that openness of mind is THE thing.

University taught me variously about the work of Michel Foucault, how to concentrate (RIP that skill), how to cook, how to love, how to bullshit about paintings, how to hope, how to put on plays and how to form ideas based on my understanding, my heart, and my reading rather than just stuff I've heard from my parents. I know there are other ways to engage with different viewpoints, but my-oh-my an arts degree is an easy peasy way to do it. Thank the heavens for universities.

Went to a farm, found a fresh egg, got excited, ran with egg, tripped, #heartbroken

The winter of 2005-2006 was the darkest of my life. I was 19 years old at the time, withdrawn from college, working my first full-time job in retail, and in an extremely unhealthy relationship. I was isolated from my friends and family. I felt completely alone, unseen, and unloved. I didn’t know how to get myself out of that state of mind or being. On a dark night in January 2006, heartbroken and helpless, I sat on the floor of my bedroom trying to convince myself to commit suicide. I don’t remember the day because a lot of that time is a blur. But I remember that night clearly. I remember the way my body felt. It was hollow, aching, and exhausted. Tears poured from my eyes and onto the carpet. I was telling myself over and over that no one loved me, that I was worthless, and that the world would be better off without me. My saving grace that night was that I didn’t want to really die, but I just didn’t want to live the way I had been. I may have hurt myself deeply that night, but I thank that young version of myself for staying in the fight. It would take another year before I got any relief from my pain, a beautiful 2 year respite, and then the inevitable resurfacing of patterns and habits in 2009 that had gone unhealed.

Despite all of that, she is the version of myself I am most grateful for. She decided to stop digging the hole she had been digging her whole life, to say there must be something other then this hole, and she looked up. She saw light. It might have been the tiniest speck of light really far away, but it was better than the endless darkness beneath her feet. She started to climb. She would slip and fall back into the hole, over and over, and she would cry. She would look up and say it’s impossible. But the ever present darkness surrounding her would make her start climbing again anyway, despite the seemingly impossible task ahead. She closed her eyes and asked for help. She didn’t know who she was asking, or if she were praying or begging, but she put her heart out there. And then a root appeared right when she needed it to, offering her a safe place to grab hold of so she wouldn’t fall back to the bottom. She never fell back to the bottom again, but the top was still so far away. The climb was the hardest thing she had ever done, but over time she came upon more roots that would help guide her to the top. The more she climbed, the stronger she became. She began learning to maneuver the vertical climb, adapting her body and mind to the struggle. More roots were presenting themselves the higher she climbed, some were so long she was able to lean on them when she needed to rest. She began to enjoy the struggle. The light continued to grow brighter. The impossible suddenly became possible. She climbed faster, harder, and more determined than ever. Until one day, she reached the top. She closed her eyes and began to cry as the light engulfed her. Now the hole was just a little dark speck on the ground that she had the freedom to walk away from. In order for her to make it to the top, she needed to make the decision to climb. If the roots hadn’t been there for her, she may never have made it. The roots had been there all along, she just needed to reach out for them. Once she began to walk away from the hole, she came upon a mountain. The mountain stands so tall she cannot see the top. She considered all the effort she just put into climbing out of the hole. She knew no one would fault her if she decided she had gone far enough and chose to just stay put. But she had witnessed the impossible become a reality of her own creation. She may have been covered in dirt, but she was stronger than ever. She knew without a shadow of a doubt that her life’s work would be to get as far up that mountain as possible. So she began to climb again.

I use this metaphor often to describe the 3 paths every human being always has the option of taking: digging themselves into a hole, staying unmoving where they are, or climbing to new heights. This paints a picture of the last ten years of my life. I was born in a hole my parents had created in their own lives, and all I knew was how to dig. The light was possibility. The roots were the people I have mentioned in this project, along with so many more. I needed help, people offered it, and I accepted it. What I am grateful for most in regards to myself is that I listened to these people. When they extended a hand, I took hold. They could have offered their help, advice, experiences, and friendship and I could have turned it away. I could have ignored what they were offering because I was too stuck in my dark story. I could have continued to believe the life I wanted was impossible. But I didn’t. I needed to find the will to live within myself, but I also needed to find those that could help guide me through unknown territory. I could not have made it to the top without them, and I could not have made it to the top without being me.

Now, let me really introduce myself. My name is Nikki Lanoue, and I am the happiest person I know. Every moment of every day I’m alive I design in a way to enhance my existence. I love who I am. I love how I spend my time. I love my body and what it does for me. I love my mind and what it’s capable of. I love my friends, as they are all the most amazing, loving people I’ve ever met. I love my family and accept everyone for exactly as they are. I exchange my time for money in ways that help make people feel better physically, mentally, emotionally, and/or spiritually. I take care of myself by eating well, exercising/moving daily, receiving bodywork, spending time with friends/family, spending time alone, meditating, and holding myself accountable to stay in the light. I travel the world. I’m self-employed. Anything that makes me feel uncomfortable, I lean into it instead of fleeing from it. Anything that challenges me, I embrace as something that will help me grow stronger. I learn from my mistakes, my experiences, other people, and books. I am honest. I have integrity. I am loyal and responsible. Who I am on the inside is exactly who I project to the outside world.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to every single person who has had a positive impact in my life. I am here because you took the extra step, because you cared. In honor of all that these people have done for me, I will forever share my story and experiences in the hopes that I can have the same impact on someone else the way these people have had such a profound impact on me. I now risk being seen as the person that might be a little over the top, that might share too much, that might go on rants about the amazing aspects of life she has experienced. I will forever share the books I read, or give shout outs to those I love on social media. I will continue to make an effort to touch the hearts of others in a way mine has been touched.

I love myself. In the truest, deepest way I’ve ever experienced love. No one on the Earth will ever know me as well as I know myself, or love me as much as I love myself, because I am the only person that is with me every single moment of my existence. This is what I hope to inspire in others. How can anyone learn to speak the language of love if they’ve never heard it spoken before? We need each other to thrive as a tribe, but being the person you want to be and having the life you want can only come from within. When we want to see change in our lives and in the world, we must first change ourselves.

I was given the seed of change 10 years ago. I have grown into a brilliant tree that will continue to reach for the light as long as I live. My roots will continue to grow firmly into the ground so that others may have something to grab hold of when they need it. I will continue to drop fruits from my branches in hopes that new seeds of change will grow. My tree stands amongst a forest of other amazing trees. In this forest, all are encouraged to climb.

Seconds later, Fleder had enough and smacked Morsel; heartbroken she crept away to sleep under a pillow : (

Photo highlights from Heartbroken, the new Monday night event at Studio 80.

Our son's bench.

Maesgwastad Cemetery, Welshpool.

Alex was killed at 22-years-old, coming home to us on his motorbike by a dangerous driver on September 16th 2024.

I'll be heartbroken forever, and miss him every second of every day! 💙

Some random photographic highlights from

Photo highlights from Heartbroken, the new

Photo highlights from Heartbroken, the new Monday night event at Studio 80

Photo highlights from Heartbroken, the new Monday night event at Studio 80

Heav'n has no rage like love to hatred turn'd / Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

Haiti #Wecare

We’re heartbroken with the amount of devastation Mathew has left behind in Haiti and we want to pull all our efforts in to help as much as we can.

Please join us in an very Special Master Class with all the Zumba Star Instructors to help us raise as much funds as possible. All the proceeds will go to:

Prodev

www.prodevhaiti.org/

Our talented team will come together on Sunday December 4th from 12:00-2:30 PM to deliver an exceptional experience with the single goal to help and give. Be ready to dance for 90min non stop with our all star Team.

Here are some the instructors that will be present:

Volha

Angelina

Bryan

Yxia

Rene

Josip

Celeste

Anna

Edmee

Will

Idania- She is flying back from Miami just for you!

Photography by Hiroshi Ishikawa

Heartbroken: EVERY Monday night at Studio80 on the Rembrandtplein in Amsterdam! Party: Heartbroken Venue: Studio80 Coverage by: Waking up in Amsterdam!

hello new camera, only got to use it late so the light was pretty crappy.

say hello to good photos at last flickr.

Haiti #Wecare

We’re heartbroken with the amount of devastation Mathew has left behind in Haiti and we want to pull all our efforts in to help as much as we can.

Please join us in an very Special Master Class with all the Zumba Star Instructors to help us raise as much funds as possible. All the proceeds will go to:

Prodev

www.prodevhaiti.org/

Our talented team will come together on Sunday December 4th from 12:00-2:30 PM to deliver an exceptional experience with the single goal to help and give. Be ready to dance for 90min non stop with our all star Team.

Here are some the instructors that will be present:

Volha

Angelina

Bryan

Yxia

Rene

Josip

Celeste

Anna

Edmee

Will

Idania- She is flying back from Miami just for you!

Photography by Hiroshi Ishikawa

Ophelia themes...still at it.

Heartbroken: EVERY Monday night at Studio80 on the Rembrandtplein in Amsterdam! Party: Heartbroken Venue: Studio80 Coverage by: Waking up in Amsterdam!

Haiti #Wecare

We’re heartbroken with the amount of devastation Mathew has left behind in Haiti and we want to pull all our efforts in to help as much as we can.

Please join us in an very Special Master Class with all the Zumba Star Instructors to help us raise as much funds as possible. All the proceeds will go to:

Prodev

www.prodevhaiti.org/

Our talented team will come together on Sunday December 4th from 12:00-2:30 PM to deliver an exceptional experience with the single goal to help and give. Be ready to dance for 90min non stop with our all star Team.

Here are some the instructors that will be present:

Volha

Angelina

Bryan

Yxia

Rene

Josip

Celeste

Anna

Edmee

Will

Idania- She is flying back from Miami just for you!

Photography by Hiroshi Ishikawa

I got time while he got freedom,

Cos when a heart breaks, it dont breakeven..

Seanog O'hara helped with editing :)

Thank you.

Frankie D. and Dirk Diggler spin the sweetest soul, sophisticated jazz, dirtiest funk with a splash of hip-hop at the Studio 80 in Amsterdam.

Here we go again.

Heartbroken: EVERY Monday night at Studio80 on the Rembrandtplein in Amsterdam! Party: Heartbroken Venue: Studio80 Coverage by: Waking up in Amsterdam!

Haiti #Wecare

We’re heartbroken with the amount of devastation Mathew has left behind in Haiti and we want to pull all our efforts in to help as much as we can.

Please join us in an very Special Master Class with all the Zumba Star Instructors to help us raise as much funds as possible. All the proceeds will go to:

Prodev

www.prodevhaiti.org/

Our talented team will come together on Sunday December 4th from 12:00-2:30 PM to deliver an exceptional experience with the single goal to help and give. Be ready to dance for 90min non stop with our all star Team.

Here are some the instructors that will be present:

Volha

Angelina

Bryan

Yxia

Rene

Josip

Celeste

Anna

Edmee

Will

Idania- She is flying back from Miami just for you!

Photography by Hiroshi Ishikawa

Haiti #Wecare

We’re heartbroken with the amount of devastation Mathew has left behind in Haiti and we want to pull all our efforts in to help as much as we can.

Please join us in an very Special Master Class with all the Zumba Star Instructors to help us raise as much funds as possible. All the proceeds will go to:

Prodev

www.prodevhaiti.org/

Our talented team will come together on Sunday December 4th from 12:00-2:30 PM to deliver an exceptional experience with the single goal to help and give. Be ready to dance for 90min non stop with our all star Team.

Here are some the instructors that will be present:

Volha

Angelina

Bryan

Yxia

Rene

Josip

Celeste

Anna

Edmee

Will

Idania- She is flying back from Miami just for you!

Photography by Hiroshi Ishikawa

Heartbroken: EVERY Monday night at Studio80 on the Rembrandtplein in Amsterdam! Party: Heartbroken Venue: Studio80 Coverage by: Waking up in Amsterdam!

Heartbroken: EVERY Monday night at Studio80 on the Rembrandtplein in Amsterdam! Party: Heartbroken Venue: Studio80 Coverage by: Waking up in Amsterdam!

The most difficult thing is when your mind keeps repeating memories when all you really have to do is let them go.

That gets even more challenging when everything you are surrounded with,are part of the memories.

I know it's too emotional,but that's all I got right now..

I really hope you get what I'm trying to say.

dedicated...

Enjoy

i was walking to my car and i notice a dead snail.

i look closer and i realize there's another snail weeping about the death of its friend.

RIP :(

gouache (2007)

Haiti #Wecare

We’re heartbroken with the amount of devastation Mathew has left behind in Haiti and we want to pull all our efforts in to help as much as we can.

Please join us in an very Special Master Class with all the Zumba Star Instructors to help us raise as much funds as possible. All the proceeds will go to:

Prodev

www.prodevhaiti.org/

Our talented team will come together on Sunday December 4th from 12:00-2:30 PM to deliver an exceptional experience with the single goal to help and give. Be ready to dance for 90min non stop with our all star Team.

Here are some the instructors that will be present:

Volha

Angelina

Bryan

Yxia

Rene

Josip

Celeste

Anna

Edmee

Will

Idania- She is flying back from Miami just for you!

Photography by Hiroshi Ishikawa

Haiti #Wecare

We’re heartbroken with the amount of devastation Mathew has left behind in Haiti and we want to pull all our efforts in to help as much as we can.

Please join us in an very Special Master Class with all the Zumba Star Instructors to help us raise as much funds as possible. All the proceeds will go to:

Prodev

www.prodevhaiti.org/

Our talented team will come together on Sunday December 4th from 12:00-2:30 PM to deliver an exceptional experience with the single goal to help and give. Be ready to dance for 90min non stop with our all star Team.

Here are some the instructors that will be present:

Volha

Angelina

Bryan

Yxia

Rene

Josip

Celeste

Anna

Edmee

Will

Idania- She is flying back from Miami just for you!

Photography by Hiroshi Ishikawa

This past month, i've compeltly lost who I truly am. I lost all those who were the true one's, and it's my fault. Each song we used to listen to brings back all the good days we had. It tears me about that i was so vicous to you, and now you're just throwing every dream we had together away.

I cry at night, and wonder where all the faith I had in myself and you went. You were the only one who knew all and everything about me, and it's almost the hardest thing to see is that we're losing that. You were my life infront of my eye's and it feels like that life is just dying down like a flame. We were the strongest, but yet now i am fatique, and you are the one who's kicking my legs down. Just open your eyes, and see that I am trying. I am trying for our sake, and I am trying because you are the best that will ever happen to me. Why did we let that go away?

So these lyrics to this song explain it all, I just want to let this go, and go peacfully back. I want to stop having this bitter wall in between us, and just go back to how we always were. Fighting with you is my worst enemy, but seeing your face without it even being able to stand to look at mine is the hardest thing I may ever have to go through. When I told you I was sorry, and I meant it, I thought I was knocking that wall down.

Demi Lovato takes heartbroken snowy stroll in new ‘Stone Cold’ video

| Plaincut | bit.ly/1DfNmQD

Demi Lovato might be “Stone Cold” in her single’s new music video, but the singer wants nothing but the best for her former flame. The pop singer…http://bit.ly/1Qb3ual

Some random photographic highlights from

Photo highlights from Heartbroken, the new

Photo highlights from Heartbroken, the new Monday night event at Studio 80

Photo highlights from Heartbroken, the new Monday night event at Studio 80

Some random photographic highlights from

Photo highlights from Heartbroken, the new

Photo highlights from Heartbroken, the new Monday night event at Studio 80

Photo highlights from Heartbroken, the new Monday night event at Studio 80

Haiti #Wecare

We’re heartbroken with the amount of devastation Mathew has left behind in Haiti and we want to pull all our efforts in to help as much as we can.

Please join us in an very Special Master Class with all the Zumba Star Instructors to help us raise as much funds as possible. All the proceeds will go to:

Prodev

www.prodevhaiti.org/

Our talented team will come together on Sunday December 4th from 12:00-2:30 PM to deliver an exceptional experience with the single goal to help and give. Be ready to dance for 90min non stop with our all star Team.

Here are some the instructors that will be present:

Volha

Angelina

Bryan

Yxia

Rene

Josip

Celeste

Anna

Edmee

Will

Idania- She is flying back from Miami just for you!

Photography by Hiroshi Ishikawa

Some random photographic highlights from

Photo highlights from Heartbroken, the new

Photo highlights from Heartbroken, the new Monday night event at Studio 80

Photo highlights from Heartbroken, the new Monday night event at Studio 80

1969 - My sister Brenda age 19 & me at 16. If I look miserable, you're right. It was close to fall, still humid at times. I was going through hell in my personal life. What, you say, can a 16 year old possibly have that much to worry about in her personal life? Well, I was about 3.5 months pregnant, and daddy of baby decided to take a hike. I was heartbroken & had morning sickness all day long, both at the same time.

I'm not too sentimental about cars, but there are a couple of exceptions and this is one.

Feel free to read my odd, yet informative blog - the blogging equivalent of mixed nuts:

corrintheinquisitor.blogspot.com/

Last year we were heartbroken because we thought we lost this one, but we found it this year!

+another good one in comments

tumblr

March 6, 2015. I am heartbroken.

Why guys become DJs... ;)

Heartbroken: EVERY Monday night at Studio80 on the Rembrandtplein in Amsterdam! Party: Heartbroken Venue: Studio80 Coverage by: Waking up in Amsterdam!