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Today’s risky adventure is a work first. It’s 7am. I just checked into the hotel and went straight to the conference center. It’s not likely our clients could be hovering around but it’s is possible. 😙 The girl at the desk was sweet and smiled, yet didn’t she even flinch at my male license and credit card. Great Bonvoy training I guess!!!
Our crew arrives at 9am and the truck docks at 8:30am. Yes, I’m going to change but damn it’s nice arriving to work as me.
Although this is exactly how most of my clients dress, 90% of the time the future me will be relegated to black slacks and a black logo’d polo. Such is the life of a TD. 😘💜☮️
Today’s birthday picture celebrates fifty two months of medically supervised estradiol feminization.
Although HRT is not as potent at my age, it has definitely been a wonderful game changer. Oh has the game, venue, and players changed! ☮️💜
Not a great picture of our new logo’d apparel for 2022. This is the first time I have ordered women’s tops and jackets for myself. Part of me gasped a bit when I opened the boxes. At times I fear my transition may hurt some of our associate’s contract opportunities.
I truly believe we will be ok. CV19 has opened up an entirely new virtual conference vertical. Also we have gained new momentum marketing to Pride ally corporations and associations way before Covid. By Q1 of 2020 we replaced all of our church clients with new conferences and annual events. Even though we still field calls from houses of worship, we cheerfully refer them to partnering firms.
Who knows… when I am 100% full time maybe we’ll qualify as a minority owned or woman owned company! 😂 ☮️💜
I miss our pre-pandemic lives and I miss you all so much. As a live-event producer, to say this year has been a tough transition is a severe understatement.
Today was my first “me-day” playing music in a long while. The best part is this was my first time recording live on battery power! I have been liquidating concert gear and investing in portable webcasting and streaming equipment.
Since March we have been locked in a silo rebranding our company as a vConference provider. The good news is we have now closed 7 out of 22 virtual event proposals and the team is starting become energized again.
So I guess 2020 will be known as the year of Ergonomics and Virtual Backgrounds while we ALL transition for our new futures. Who else is ready to shed your COVID-19+ pounds?!
Peace be with us all.
Love,
Steph ☮️💜😷
Happy Holidays everyone. Heading to the airport with new hair. I love the style and color but I am a little nervous with how it may function through the gymnastics of flying. “Excuse me sir, will you please stow my bag? I’m scared as hell my hair might fall off reaching the bin!” ☮️💜
Picking crew snacks before this morning’s rehearsals. Day 8 of back to back shows with only four hours of sleep last night. Such is the life of a “gratitude junkie” producer…My brother and I are crazy to love our clients this much, but oh how we do!!! So thankful. ☮️💜. Cheers to making a difference. 💋
This comparison depicts the changes within two years and a few months of medically supervised hormone therapy. Although the angles are slightly off, one can definitely see a softer rounder face in the recent picture. Before 2018 I was on a prescribed low 2mg of Estradiol for 36 months just to help me stay balanced and alive.
I am bit of a private sort; yet I have come out to family, close friends, and acquaintances. I pray sharing perspective may help someone with similar proclivities.
It took surviving a deadly car accident on 10/11/12 to begin advocating for my emancipation. I immediately declared my course correction and sought WPATH standard transition therapy. After 22 years of marriage one can imagine this started a war with my wife who married a gender dysphoric man who promised he would not transition. Yes, my wife knew before we tied the knot. The same is true for all of my long term girlfriends. Even on the first grade playground I would swap clothes with my girlfriends in the woods, wear their jackets, try on their shoes, and carry their purses. Ironically my main bully was a very pretty third grade girl. She went out of her way to torment me mentally and physically.
It was only a few years ago I learned how providential that car crash date has become in history. National Coming Out Day is recognized annually on October 11. The day celebrates individuals who publicly identify as bisexual, gay, lesbian, and transgender – coming out regarding their sexual orientation and/or gender identity.
As stated before, I promised to refrain from going 100% full time until our special needs son graduates high school next year. “Not transitioning, “transition limbo,” or “living full-time” are all difficult stations to embrace. When my time comes next year I plan to still enjoy golf, music, soccer, work, and sunset into my later years as a transgender woman. I am already experiencing plenty of backlash and stares that should help me brace for the future. I also have a few wonderful transitioned women blazing ahead of me who thankfully keep me grounded and share how difficult my days may become as a woman. I say, good... It will be my pleasure to share every moment with family and friends that matter. Peace be with us. Submitted with love, Steph
Ehlena and Manny...............I really need to get a second set of female scrubs so that I can picture all 3 of the fulltime mansion medical staff together.
I just passed on this Torrid dress for a private Halloween party tonight. I so miss seeing everyone here and sharing. I am not ignoring our Flickr family, I am just exhausted from travel and some long 14-16 hour days. After today, I won’t be home again until the 22nd. Seriously thankful for all of the post Covid event work. ☮️💜
Since I’m relegated to working “Andro in Orlando” for Halloween this weekend, I had to post another “costume” motivated shot.
Eighteen month ago I made the best decision of my life. I stopped my longlife suffering from gender dysphoria and started to be me, a woman. Fifteen months I am now living fulltime as woman, the best time I have ever had in my life.
Until today the transition was a hard way, specially the fight with the german healthcare system and german jurisdiction. However the best gift for me at the end of 2020 was that I am now official legal Awena, a woman. And in 2021 the exciting transition journey proceeds with further little steps.
Now I am 56, celebrate my first birthday as woman Awena. And my feelings and all the best wishes, your support since I started on flickr are overwhelming me. Thank you all so very much.
Have a nice weekend and week, stay healthy.
Awena 💋💋
Surprise Networking
Last night while dressed in my “andro+” work outfit, I connected with a globe trotting photographer. I was out at a late hour production shoot for a blues band music video. My new acquaintance quizzed me about audio and hired me on the spot to help his friend shoot a large scale music video for Saturday! I dearly want to consider this as my first gig hired as Stephanie, but I was not 100% fully transformed.
This is what I was wearing, sans the make up and earrings. That is my own thinning hair under the hat. What you can’t see is that I was dressed way over the androgynous scale with black leggings and I kept that jacket on to cover my small girls. He kept saying, why don’t you take your coat off, relax, and have a drink with me! I melted and countered with buying him a drink while begrudgingly keeping my jacket on to hide my bra. Clearly my weird voice and peculiar body shape didn’t detour him.
I remained professional as we exchanged Facebook business sites. We laughed at the sadness of today’s required “safe character” validation. His talent and photos on his portfolio website literally took my breathe away. All legit and watermarked with is name. I tried not to “fan-girl” too hard, but damn! (As I type this, I still can’t believe it. No matter what you want, you gotta put yourself out there and play to win!)
The shoot went great. After 11pm the club lit up with beautiful young people. Perfect to make any band look fab.
It was like every girl in the club called each other and said, “let’s wear boots, a short skirt, cute top, scarf, and a tailored coat.” Evidentially their lack of creativity didn’t fail because their amorous tactics were in full bloom. Every time I looked around the room it seemed like two or more couples were practicing big-screen kissing scenes. Yes, I was jealous as hell so I decided to take some more pictures for my OKC site this morning!
I’ll stop here and finish the story later at stillverytrans.com blog site.
Always submitted with love,
Steph 💜☮️😷
So I'm starting a new project! A selfportrait every week.. I have to admit that I always thought it was kinda lame to start a 52 weeks project, because taking a picture once a week isn't really difficult, right? But now I'm at a period where I'm not even taking time to take a picture every week.. or two weeks, or longer! I seem not to care anymore and I just needed to have a creative goal again.
365 days is just crazy, specially now I work fulltime.. so 52 weeks should be perfect! Hopefully I'll finish this project ;)
More in comments! :) I had a HARD time choosing but I chose this one because I've closed my eyes in every photo I upload! So I just needed to upload something different ;)
Hopefully I'll see a huge hair growing process in a year! While editing these pictures I found out that I need to dye my hair better, my roots are all darker at the back of my head! Oops, next time I'll ask my mother to do it ;)
(stupid noise ugh)
This is a first thanks to the confidence of the new blended hair system. Been prepping and wrapping new cables all day at the warehouse, Easing a few of the guys into transition with very light makeup and a shared peer work ethic. It’s still me, just happier and less grumpy! ☮️💜. Let’s take a pulse after this weekend’s shows with me still in andro-guy mode.
I put make up on this morning and took some pictures in a pretty dress. This is casual time back at home before getting ready for work. (Well a Zoom presentation;) ☮️❤️😷
Miami, here I come to bask in the splendor of one of your many conference centers 24/7, never to see the light of day. Production Life. ☮️💜
It has been almost three weeks without makeup due to crazy work schedules. I can’t wait to catch up with everyone here.
I love 💕 you all so much, I just want to get closer! After a week of not hugging friends or clients I’m praying we can all share a big virtual hug!!! Thank you to everyone for leaving such sweet comments. Your words help me get through the day more than you may ever know. ☮️💜
Future freelance working girl? I sure hope so! I took this picture in my client’s logo’d shirt just before wiping off the make up. There are times our teams are contracted as crew on behalf of partnering production companies.
In May I am going to start leaking pictures like this to key client liaisons before I go full time. So far my closest allies seem fine but oddly some of the women event planners are still asking a lot of questions. One friend keeps asking about my thoughts on losing male privilege. My prayer is our client partners will see their shirt in the picture and acknowledge I am the same dedicated person they have always known. The show must go on; RIGHT?!
Today’s show was cancelled, so I am out of town with a day off!!! My apologies in advance for this super girly day. The morning started with a daily dose of hormones, putting on a favorite dress, and playing with iPhone 13’s studio portrait mode.
“Working hard to lose the man card!’ It’s a chick thing and yes, I remain, stillverytrans.com 💜☮️
Smile compliments of Lysol. That’s right. I found a can hiding in a lower shelf. What a great day! 😷❤️☮️
Thank you.
Life is such an amazing jorney.
On 15th september 2019 I decided to stop my longlife suffering from gender dysphoria and to start being real me, a woman.
Since 1st october 2019, means excactly 552 days, I am living fulltime as woman, the best time I have ever had in my life. I started my transition.
Exactly one year ago on 4th april 2020 I started to share my photos on flickr.
And now one year later there are over 1.180 followers, over 5.1 millions views.
Unbelievable.
I never thought, that photos of a 56 year old mature transwoman with a respectful, tasteful and classy style would have such an impact, such an interest.
This is overwhelming me.
Thank you all so very much for your best wishes, your comments, favour me and your support. Thank you therefore that I am not alone.
And in 2021 the exciting transition journey proceeds with steps like HRT, epilation, speech therapy. All these steps have changed my life in a profound way, changed my mind and body. It is so fantastic and unbelievable to see and explore the world with the eyes of a woman.
And the exciting journey of this 56 year old mature transwoman will be continued.
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.❤️❤️
Stay safe and healthy.
Awena 💋💋
Being out late last night in the big city definitely revved this suburban girl up. (even if I was working in a quasi-andro mode). My mind is swirling with dreams and possibilities yet I know from many girlfriends that have walked before me I am experiencing another “pink cloud” moment. At least I was able to enjoy a nice sun-drenched garden stroll this morning.
I have an idea to help us trans folk feel more comfortable in public. We should start using selfie sticks to tighten our edge! ☮️💜
I wish I could show you how much I look like my college girlfriend “M” with glasses. (After transition I hope she will allow me to share a side by side comparison.) All of my serious girlfriends knew about about me beginning in high school and most were not keen on my natural proclivities except for M. We actually made a pact that I would transition if I didn’t marry before turning thirty. Of course I married before then and carelessly promised my wife I would not transition. (My 2012 emancipation has not been easy for her or our family)
Even crazier than that was the fact M’s mother knew about me and on occasion she would buy a few things for me. Nothing too frilly or girly, just the basic shorts, T’s, tights, and jeans. M and I even spent long private girlfriend retreats on their boat, with her mom’s blessing, and a few nights while on holiday. So many amazing memories all came to a stop when M became engaged. Today we are shy Facebook acquaintances. I am looking forward to her knowing about me later this year. It’s all part of the journey.
Today’s risky adventure found me chasing more dreams and a healthy dose of Vitamin D! It was a beautiful morning and before I knew it I was in front of one of the wedding l venues our band plays. This is less than fifteen minutes from home and I totally damned the camera torpedoes. The director knows me well and my car; sans my true self. If they see something on the camera they don’t like they can certainly ask law enforcement to run my tag. Let’s see if anything happens and let the games begin! 💜☮️
This is my first time wearing make up in almost two months. The return of in-person conferences and live events has created a crazy work travel demand with three weeks on and 2-3 days off. (When little rest is combined with estradiol and bad food choices, it is a given I am sporting more than a few added pounds.) Miss everyone here. ☮️💜
all this really is is a pic shot from underwater (in a videogame)
i am not likely to get into surrealism fulltime
Last week was amazing!
As the calendar advances, I am gratefully aware of how my feminized body is becoming one with my spirit. From the constant lilt of perfume on my wrist to the adoring thoughts of New Years Eve kissing, and sweet Valentine’s wishes, I am finally approaching the reality of sharing myself as a woman. I have never been more open to intimately connecting with other souls socially or romantically in my life.
A beautiful something happens when I don’t see a reflection of my old self in a mirror, on my phone, or social media. It’s a new will to live. I am finally claiming my first real chance to live life instead looking for a corner to hide! With every soft curvy change, I am choosing health first and looking forward to savoring every day as a woman.
For my entire life I have focused on the curse of attainment to provide a divisive solace to gender dysphoria. Even though I excelled in most stations and even overcame living alone at 15 years old, I still systematically let myself down. So it took half a lifetime to emancipate in 2012....That’s ok!!! Logically and emotionally I have accepted these facts as I moved the needle to true north on October 12th, the day my associate and I survived a four car pile up.
Life has never been easy for me, always living in fear, nervously hiding my true self, without sharing a full authentic expression. Moving forward as a transgender woman I most likely will be subject to social, economic, and medical cruelty. That’s NOT ok. As long as stay healthy I’ll fight but at least I won’t be hiding any more.