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wasn't expecting all that on my last photo! thank you everyone..
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colors completely inspired by Michele. I think reworking and looking at her HOT PINK stuff all week inspired me to go BRIGHT.
Her PT4P is just amazing!
NS manifest train 331 passes Wyandotte, Mi with 5 engines, which was really unexpected as 331 normally runs with 1-2 engines.
Expecting and nursing mothers require social protection but workers in the informal economy are often not covered. Maternity protection has been a primary concern of the ILO since its creation in 1919. Workplace support for mothers who are breastfeeding has been a basic provision of maternity protection. The Philippines expanded maternity leave benefits in 2019 to align with international labour standards. The ILO also promoted exclusive breastfeeding in the workplace to advance women’s rights to maternity protection and to improve nutrition security for Filipino children.
Photo : E. Tuyay / ILO
Date : 2011/11
Country : Philippines
2nd Surprise of the Day in Colour
I love Peking Duck but have never seen how it is made. Our first surprise came in a market where this guy was doing Peking Duck the traditional way (even if in a metal in stead of a clay oven). He kindly allowed me to take photos of the process. The golden ones are cooked, the white ones uncooked. The rest is self-explanatory.
Went Walkies yesterday, looking for one thing unsuccessfully but found many other surprises in this amazing city.
2,000 views on 13th October 2013
1,000 views on 21st September 2013
Fort William Section of the Inverness-shire Constabulary, outside the Fort William "County Buildings" (Police Station with officer accomodation above) - taken in Spring of 1893. The charge room is on the left and at its door stand Insp Chisholm's sons Alister (Alexander Joseph -later an officer himself) and Donald, and on the right (erntrance to the house) are daughter Eliza with Mrs Chisholm who looks to be expecting daughter Ishbel.
The officers are from Left to Right:
1) Sergeant George Mitchell (recently promoted)
2) Constable John (Hird or Macdonald or MacPherson)
3) ditto
4) Inspector Alexander Chisholm
Yes, Fort William had three Constables in 1893 - all with the first name John. So - perm any 2 from 3!
Undoubtedly a Peter MacFarlane shot - and a particularly socially-relevant one at that.
----
Alexander Chisholm, known as “Big Sandy”, had worked as an Ostler (stableman) before leaving his home in the Invercannich area of Inverness-shire (west of Beauly, at the mouth of Glen Affric) to join the Inverness-shire Constabulary. Appointed as a Constable on 19 March 1879, Sandy was 26 when he donned the navy blue uniform, and was immediately assigned to cover the “Dores District” of the County.
Dores is a village on the eastern shore of Loch Ness, just a few miles south of the town (now City) of Inverness. His patch would have included the rural area on the outskirts of Inverness and he was likely to have been based at Force HQ at Inverness Castle, rather than having a house and station within his beat. Dores was one of the locations sufficiently close to HQ to enable junior officers to patrol while still learning the job under close supervision from Chief Constable William Murray.
After 3 months getting used to wearing the uniform ,he was moved to the County’s busiest town of Fort William, on the west coast at the southern end of the Great Glen. Although Inverness was by far the largest conurbation, it did not actually lie in the County of Inverness, as the town (and Royal Burgh) was a separate local authority area, complete with its own Burgh Police. In fact the County HQ, at Inverness Castle, was located within Inverness Burgh but was actually an exclave of the County within the Burgh boundaries. The Burgh and County Police Headquarters were less than 50 yards apart, one on the Castle Hill and the other lying at the foot of that hill. The detailed mention of the Castle will be explained later.
Sandy then spent a year in Fort William, under the tutelage of the very experienced Inspector Lachlan Mackintosh. Mackintosh had been one of the original constables appointed when the Inverness-hire force was reconstituted in March 1858, and a brief period as a Constable at Kingussie, he was appointed Inspector at Fort William in May 1859. So he had been there almost from the very beginning, and his 20 years of experience and local knowledge would have been passed on to the young Chisholm.
After a year in “The Fort” Sandy was given his own station – Spean Bridge, just north of Fort William but at an important and strategic location at the west end of Glen Spean, where the Inverness/Fort William/Glasgow road meets the only road running to the west coast from Kingussie/Dalwhinnie (on what is now the A9 Inverness/Perth Road). Some three miles up that (Glen Spean -Laggan) road, lies the village of Roy Bridge.
Chief Constable Murray (who had set up the force in 1858) retired in October 1882, by which time Inspector MacKintosh was feeling his age and had negotiated his standing down to Constable (and moving to the remote station at Knoydart) where he would remain until 1891 (by which time police pensions had been introduced). To fill the vacancy for an Inspector at Fort William, Murray had promoted Sergeant Archibald Matheson from Beauly.
The new Chief Constable as Alexander ("Alister") McHardy, who had been Chief Constable of the County of Sutherland since 1866, and he had clearly been brought in to lead the force – and double its manpower - through what was already shaping up to be a turbulent time . Civil unrest was already rife in respect of land ownership and use - across the whole of the Highlands & Islands, and in particular in Inverness-shire, the largest Highland county.
McHardy immediately set about reshaping and enlarging the force and was clearly very impressed with “Big Sandy”, promoting him to Sergeant in August 1883. With Sandy having less than 5 years service, this was a major action on Mr McHardy’s part, so the new Sergeant had been identified as having great potential.
The rank of Sergeant was not one Mr Murray had much time for – or he was not permitted to use it. At set-up of the force, he had been allowed four supervisors, namely a Superintendent (Deputy Chief Constable) at Inverness to also command the Inverness Division, and three Inspectors – one each to manage the other Divisions of Skye, Lochaber and Long Island (Outer Hebrides). He had also eventually managed to achieve 3 Sergeant posts, in Portree, Beauly and Kingussie. McHardy took the bull by the horns. He was in 1883 authorised to take on 50 new men (the force establishment was only 44 when he arrived) and he needed supervisors to marshal these new recruits. He did indeed recruit the full 50 new starts during 1883, albeit 11 men went “down the road” in that same year for a variety of reasons.
After almost a year as Sergeant, Sandy was moved into Fort William, a much more tidy arrangement in McHardy’s view in order to be on the sport to cover for the Inspector, so that one or other would always in the Station to keep command while the other might be far away in a distant part of the scattered division.
During his time in Lochaber Sandy met and married a young schoolteacher, and in June 1887 they had to up sticks and move, as Sandy was transferred to Force Headquarters in Inverness, where he would be in daily charge of the officers posted around the rural area in the environs of Inverness. Force HQ (Inverness Castle) also included living quarters, and here their son Alexander Joseph was born in 1888.
The following year, the Deputy Chief constable Donald Aitchison had to retire through ill-health and Mr McHardy promoted “Big Sandy” to Superintendent to take his place on 25th October 1889. This was a shock to the system for “Big Sandy”, as much of his work would entail “driving a desk” rather than being out and about in the fresh air with his men. McHardy too was a hard taskmaster, leading by example – but able to tutor too as he had been Deputy Chief himself in two forces. For some reason, Sandy was not officially designated Deputy Chief Constable until 28/9/91 – it may be that McHardy did not realise a separate appointment (ratified by the Police committee) was necessary.
Big Sandy’s health was clearly suspect by this time, doubtless exacerbated by the desk jockey role. Fate then intervened however, when Inspector Matheson at Fort William died in February 1982, aged only 53.
To explain developments from then, who better than – in his own fair hand, as duplicated and notified to all members of the force on 7th June 1892 – none other than Chief Constable McHardy himself:-
------------------
Inverness-shire Constabulary
Memorandum to the force
Promotion, Rates of Pay etc
Supt & Dep. CC Alexander Chisholm, who was during Summer & Autumn suffering much from ill-health caused by Office work & consequent confinement was on the death of the late Inspector Matheson, Fort William, in Feb'y last sent to Fort William for a change & to take charge of that Division for a time. The Superintendent has during his stay at Fort William found his health thoroughly restored, and being medically advised has requested to be relieved of the rank and duties of Supt, and appointed an Inspector in the Force, and being satisfied that if he returned to Office work his health would again be injured, the Chief Constable has agreed to change the rank of Supt Chisholm to that of Inspector and has placed him at Fort William in charge of that Division.
Supt Macaulay: Consequent on the appointment of Inspector Chisholm as above, Inspector Malcolm Macaulay has been promoted to rank of Supt and appointed Dep. C.C. at Headquarters.
PC Keith Webster promoted to Sergeant at Headquarters in charge of the Home Section
PC William MacInnes promoted to Sergeant vice Sergeant A.B. MacLennan retired on pension.
PC High Chisholm promoted Det. Sergeant vice Macaulay promoted
The following are now the Headquarters Divisional and Section Officers of the Force:-
Headquarters: Supt & Dep. C.C. Malcolm Macaulay
Office clerk Sergeant James Philip
Det Sergeant Hugh Chisholm
Sergeant Keith Webster
---------------------
So it seemed everybody was happy – albeit McHardy managed to “mislay” an Inspector post, meantime replacing it with Detective Sergeant – the first such mention of the word “Detective” in the force.
As Inspector for Lochaber “Big Sandy” was apparently in his element, and his health did indeed remain improved. He and his growing family occupied the “County Buildings” (Police Station) in Fort William, and son Alexander Joseph (Alister) would eventually join the force in 1908, although the two men never served together at the same place.
Big Sandy died in service, at the age of 62, on 10th January 1915 and is buried in Cille Choirill churchyard in Roy Bridge .
The Chisholm family were clearly good friends with the MacFarlane family from Spean Bridge, and Big Sandy’s son (Alister, of whom more later) would marry into that family. Peter MacFarlane took over the chemist shop in Fort William, and also established a photographic business, which likely explains the superb photographic studies of the Chisholm police officers.
I am most grateful to Mr Peter Chisholm (grandson of “Big Sandy” and son of Alister) for allowing me to copy and use these photographs and documents, and to Big Sandy's great-grandson Alister McDermott (another retired police officer) for putting me in touch with Peter.
Live on, survive, for the earth gives forth wonders. It may swallow your heart, but the wonders keep on coming. You stand before them bareheaded, shriven. What is expected of you is attention.
-SALMAN RUSHDIE, The Ground Beneath Her Feet
Villains 15/10/2022 18h31
It's a mad world out there at night. Superhero's everywhere and where you least expect them.
Normally, superheroes and bad guys can't live without each other. but in this Scare Zone it is evil against evil. They all have the same goal: world domination... [ Walibi ]
Walibi Fright Nights 2022
Walibi Fright Night is an annual event in Walibi Holland and very popular. Walibi Holland is is the decor of the Halloween Fright Nights. With scary zones like Nightmares, Tangled Twigs, Pirate's Cove and Villians. Full of special scary entertainment and actors, scary music and sounds, smoke, fire and mist.
Besides that there are three haunted houses (Jefferson Manor, Psychoshock, The Villa), 2 walk-thrus (Campsite of Curiosities [new in 2022 replacing Campsite of Carnage] and Wicked Woods [new in 2021 and improved for 2022]) and 3 experiences (The Clinic, , Below and Slaughterhouse [new in 2022] ) to visit.
The experience Wrong Turn into Darkness was only seen in 2021 and has been skipped from the prorgam in 2022
During daytime there is Spooky Days for children, a bit less scary than the night program.
The park is open till 23h during these 12 most busy days and nights of the year. The slogan of 2022 is The Gates Are Open.
[ Walibi Holland 2022 ]
marketplace.secondlife.com/p/EXPECTING/14244689
Only 300 Lin, comes with poses and complete back ground.
I painted this one for the good people at Procreate to celebrate my favorite holiday, halloween. The mandate was to re-invent the "Jack-o-Lantern" - which by a not so surprising turn of events is the name of my studio, "Jako Lanterne Studio". After submitting several ideas to the guys at Procreate they chose a pregnant zombie idea and I ran with it- gotta run when faced with zombies don't ya know!
This is Killy, named that way because my 3 year old niece can't say kitty with a "t." She's a very pregnant cat and will soon have kittens. I can't wait to see what they'll look like. She is so fluffy and cute. :D
There's another photo in the comments. You can see how big she's really gotten.
Wasn't expecting to see this in Dover today, and this is one of 5 of these vehicles converted for use as Driver Training vehicles so far, the others being 34651 GX54DXB, 34657 GX54DXH, 34658 GX54DXJ and 34660 GX54FVV, all of which I have now seen passing though Dover in the last 2 months including 34651 GX54DXB which had also driven past me a few minutes before I saw this one, but I didn't get a shot as I was not paying attention...
And be sure to check by my other acount: www.flickr.com/photos_user.gne?path=&nsid=77145939%40..., to see what else I saw Very Recently!!
Wasn't expecting to see this in Dover today, and this 20 year old 1st BusStop Buses of Gravesend vehicle had brought School Groups to Dover Castle.
This year I am making Photography Calendars, and so if you still like my work as much as all your favourites and comments say you do, here is the EBAY link: www.ebay.co.uk/itm/375115679073?hash=item5756a30561:g:Xrc..., and you do not need an EBAY Account to buy one, as you can "Check Out as Guest".
All Feedback is Welcome, and I look forward to doing business with you!
This extended "holiday" has given me a boot in the ass I really wasn't expecting to get right now. I've known for a long time that there was a high chance that my son could end up showing signs of mental illness. It runs on both sides of his family. The signs have been there since he first started talking and whenever he felt really bad about anything he told us he wanted to stab himself with a sword. I don't know what parent's blood wouldn't run cold at hearing their two year old say such a thing, but for a person who went through suicidal periods- hearing him say such things felt like being killed myself.
For many years people have advised me not to "project" my own issues onto him. Since I've never told him I ever wanted to kill myself I don't think I was projecting myself onto him much. For years people have said "He's so young, just wait and see." Or they've said "Oh, he's just a normal kid, they all say that kind of stuff." But when I ask directly if their kids have talked like him they have always had to admit that theirs hadn't.
With Max's food issues people have consistently insisted that he is just playing us for power and that we're letting him step all over us. We've known differently. People are always trying to make it our own fault or suggest that Max is just being a spoiled kid because poor kids wouldn't ever get to choose what they eat and no kid will choose to starve.
But as I have been trying to just watch and listen, wait and see, I have seen him develop more and more into a vibrant version of Philip and I. Most parents would be thrilled because isn't that what so many people want? Little "minnie me's"? Which I think is creepy, but who cares what I think, huh? I never looked for my kid to be exactly like me and I have always been hopeful that in many ways he would not be like me because being me has been a 39 year challenge I wouldn't dream of sticking anyone else with.
I honestly don't understand how I managed to talk myself into believing that I could have a baby who wouldn't get my mental illness. But, I have agreed not to sit around mourning what I can't change and feeling like a piece of shit for being selfish enough to have a child.
So all these years I've been trying not to jump any gun or race to consign my child to a clinical labeling. But there comes a time when a mother knows better than everyone else- besides a professional psychologist. There comes a time when a mother has seen her child suffer for long enough with something he has little control over and isn't aware of. There comes a time when it hurts too much to watch; unable to help enough, unable to ease through every minute.
The truth is pretty hideous: I can't do this without professional help anymore. No, that's not quite the truth that I need to put out there into the light... OK. OK.
Parenting has driven me to drink. Most seriously. My goal this year is to lose weight, to drink a lot less beer, and to be healthier both physically and psychologically. Which I am unable to do while my child is so challenging to raise.
There. It is said. The horrible ugly is said at last. Having him home so much longer than usual has highlighted some things I've been worried about but which are now so blaringly obvious that if I ignore them any longer and anything bad happens to my boy because of it I won't forgive myself later.
The truth is that both my husband and my son need psychological help and yet I'm the only one in the family who is medicated. But never medicated enough and the longer they go without therapy or medication the harder I drink, the less I sleep, the fatter I get. I'm not saying I don't make choices here. But I'm saying that all these choices I am making are allowing me to put off complete mental exhaustion. They are giving me some kind of mental calm that otherwise would be decimated by everyone else's panic attacks in this house.
I can't force Philip to get help, and anyway, neither of us have medical insurance and won't be able to afford counseling or extra meds until we do. Or until we're making a lot more money than we seem capable of.
Max has medical insurance, however, and so it is time to get him professional help. I have been writing this post for two days now and have wrestled with the question of putting it here on my blog. I know so many people who would think putting something so personal about their kid out there for others to read is a violation of their privacy. There is some merit in that. But this is my story too. And if there is only one thing I can teach him in this life I hope to God it will be to never be ashamed of mental illness.
I have decided that telling it here is better. If he's angry at me for doing it when he's older then we can fight it out. Parents who keep this kind of stuff private are rarely spared anger anyway because what I've observed about parenting is that you can never do it right. Cardinal rule: you will fuck it all up.
How many other parents have asked themselves the same questions I have? How many other parents have had to make choices and decisions for their children that were terrifying and wished to god it was all easier to talk about? I'm not going to hide it. Someone else out there is wishing they didn't have to feel so alone and wishes they could know what other parents are doing in the same circumstances. God knows I wish I could know more parents who have a child like mine so I can know how they survive it. So I could navigate this terrifying path with a little more light.
This week I begin the process of finding a proper psychologist to assess Max because I believe he suffers from OCD and generalized anxiety. I am confident that I am not going to find I'm far wrong. I knew what I suffered from before I got an official diagnosis and I also was not wrong when I guessed my own mother's diagnosis which was confirmed several months ago.
I have made the following list to submit to Max's doctor:
Fiber Texture Sensitive: he won't wear denim or any slightly stiff cotton. He prefers sweat pants or soft sporty fabrics. Is very disturbed by seams in his clothing if he can feel them.
Other texture sensitivities: bumps in his socks he will not tolerate. He'll try on four pairs a morning to find a pair without them. If his clothes don't hang right they will drive him crazy. Mostly he's happiest when he's just in his pajamas at home. Things itch him and hurt him and bother him that seem inconsequential to everyone else. Getting him dressed has been a nightmare since he could fight me over it at 18 months old. Hates hats because they hurt his head.
Food Texture Sensitive: nothing mushy, EVER. Crisp textures are the best. When anything that's supposed to be crisp goes even slightly stale he won't eat it. Doesn't like wet textures, for example: if you wash slices of peeled apples because they got crumbs on them he won't eat them. Anything that is sticky is usually despised, especially if it gets on his face, hands, or clothes. Won't eat bread that is too dry and dense nor bread that is too white and squishy.
Taste Sensitive: This is a constantly evolving and revolving issue which drives me to drink.* He has such an advanced sense of taste that he can tell the difference between three vanilla ice cream brands. He likes things one day (or maybe for three) and then suddenly it tastes bad. Sometimes we go through periods where everything tastes bad. If you slightly over toast anything he can taste it as burnt.
More taste sensitivities: he once claimed for almost two weeks that everything tasted like coffee and it was almost impossible to feed him anything. I still don't know how he knows what coffee tastes like but he says his dad gave him a sip once.
Foods can't touch: If there is a microscopic crumb on a piece of peeled apple, he won't eat it. If he thinks his food has come in contact with any other food, he won't eat it. Especially if he suspects that it's come in contact with any of our food. He hates sitting next to other people's food, especially if he can smell it. Won't drink water if the outside of the cup is wet. Won't eat food if there is a drop of water on the plate. Won't eat two kinds of food on the same plate or at the same time. Won't sit at a table to eat meals. Ever since he was a toddler the only way we could get him to pay attention enough to his food to eat it was to let him watch movies while he ate it so that he wasn't really paying attention to it at all.
Foods can't be irregular: if an apple has a speck of a brown spot on it, he won't eat it. If there are holes in his bread, he won't eat it. If his egg hangs over his toast, he won't eat it. If an egg has a crispy edge he won't eat it and shivers in repulsion. If the egg has holes in it he won't eat it. If anything doesn't look like it's the right color or the texture is off or some piece of the food is ragged he won't touch it. I once got him to eat an irregular piece of cucumber by making him close his eyes and letting me feed it to him.
Other red flag issues: Often demands that we wash our hands before touching his food. Although he doesn't seem overly concerned about germs in general, we were sharing a piece of ice cream pie at a restaurant and he requested his own so that he wouldn't have to worry about touching our "spit area". He won't drink water that has sat around for too long. He won't let you reuse a bowl for a snack unless you wash it first.
Doesn't like leaving the house: He says he doesn't like going far from the house because it isn't comfortable. He hates going downtown, out to eat, to most people's houses, to school, to take a trip (unless it's to visit his friend Sam in California), or to go to friends' houses. He prefers friends to come here. If we let him he would stay in his pajamas for weeks on end and never set foot outside.
Doesn't play well with others: He really freaks out when people mess with his stuff. If they mess up his "set up" of Legos he treats it like a human rights violation and his friends and family don't like that so much. If they don't play exactly as he directs them to play he freaks out and has what appears to be a panic attack. Or gets angry. And yells. He can always tell when his stuff has been messed with. He arranges everything precisely. His favorite activity every morning (when he was ten months old) was to arrange a stack of videos very neatly and precisely. It was fascinating to watch.
He is extremely sensitive: It is the easiest thing in the world to hurt his feelings. Try joking with him. He tries to joke with other people but generally can't tell when they are trying to joke with him and takes offense. If people tease him he takes it seriously and thinks everyone hates him and feels like a horrible outcast. His hurt feelings alternate with retaliatory feelings of revenge.
Not overly sensitive to others: A great combination of traits, huh? He has almost no self control when it comes to voicing his opinions and feelings which are often very honest and frank and therefore quite upsetting to everyone. He doesn't understand that this is the same thing that others do that hurt his feelings. He doesn't seem to mean to hurt people and feels bad when you call him on it but continues to say whatever is on his mind at all times.
Expresses himself violently: With words. If he feels bad about something he's done he expresses it by saying things like "I should just die" or "I don't even deserve to have a family" or "I'm going to kill myself" or if someone has really hurt him he says things like "I hate so-and-so and will never talk to them again..." or worse yet "If so-and-so does that to me again I will kick him in the balls". Very extreme expression. Self harm has been in his vocabulary since he could talk. He used to bite himself frequently.
Odd quirks: He doesn't want to throw anything away. He tries to keep all the packaging to the toys he receives, all the instructions, and even the stupid little ads they always include. He won't throw old toys away either, not even if they're broken. He revealed to me one evening that he thought all his things had feelings and would be upset if he threw them away. He also doesn't like it when I clean the house because when it's clean he's uncomfortable. When the living room is tidy he says it's too "empty" and it bothers him.
Physical panic: Whenever he experiences physical pain or discomfort he dives quickly into panic mode in which you can hardly help him because he has already decided nothing can help and he won't let you near, but simultaneously he is screaming that he needs help and why don't you do something?! It doesn't matter if it's something really bad (it sometimes is, like the metal in his eye, and sometimes it's not, like a mild bug bite) his reaction is generally pretty severe. Yet I have seen the kid take the most intense falls from his bike and get up without a flinch even while he's bleeding profusely from the knee.
The Negative spiraling: One little thing going wrong in his day or his routine can make him see his entire life as a giant black hole of pain and decide that life is impossible and he sees no choice but to give up. Talking him out of his negative state is as exhausting as it is futile. It is strong and it is real to him. He can extrapolate the miserable outcome of any experience into the worst case scenario before you can take your first swig of beer.
Afraid of the dark: Lots of kids are afraid of the dark. Mine is very serious about it. Needs full lights on and prefers the hall lights on as well. He suffers bad nightmares often and this doesn't help. We used to turn the lights off after he went to sleep but he would wake up in the dark and be terrified so often that we haven't dared try that for at least a year or longer. He isn't a good sleeper and never has been, although it's become easier and better over time.
Random texture aversions: he hates anything sticky on his skin. He has an extreme aversion to getting blood on his fingers which has been quite an inconvenience since he has a terrible problem with gushing bloody noses. He would rather let the blood drip to the floor and wait until we find him tissues than to put pressure on his nose with his own finger which inevitably gets bloody. Which he then panics about. Not too keen to play on grass. Doesn't like to be barefoot outside, ever. He also will not sleep with flannel because it freaks him out.
Routines: All kids seem to thrive on routines but our kid holds firm to our routines as though his life depended on everything being the same at all times, every day. He hates going to new places, especially new places to eat. He hates going to new people's houses. He has daily routines that he will go to great lengths to maintain such as- eating his dessert, then pajamas, then brushing his teeth, then snuggle time. God forbid you ask him to brush his teeth before putting his pajamas on.
Deep Worry: He thinks very deeply about everything and unfortunately often worries about things as well and can't let go. When we moved he was really worried about our old cat Ozark who had been buried in our old yard last February. He kept thinking about him being alone there without us and feeling sad and abandoned. He thinks about the universe- galaxies and is very concerned about how they were formed and he wants to understand everything so much and it really disturbs him to get ambiguous answers. He's worried about so many things and there just aren't enough answers.
Over this vacation his world has shrunk and because of being snowed in and having a negative experience with a friend at the beginning of it he has not wanted to play with any friends (we've strong armed him anyway) and all he wants to do is remain in his pajamas every single day all day, he wants both his parents to never have to work again so they can stay home with him, and he wants us to play with him. He doesn't want to go outside, play with friends, see anyone but us (and his Grandma).
I suddenly saw what was happening- his world just became extremely small. It is very hard to be the only companion of a child. I don't want to be playing Legos and Bionicles for the next ten years. He should be playing with other kids and doing parent/kid things with us like baking cookies, reading, going on hikes, or to the park. I asked him why he never wants to go anywhere and he told me that it's because he isn't comfortable anywhere else. If I let him he will be a confirmed agoraphobic by the time he's nine years old.
So few parents understand what it's like to have a child like mine, unless they have a child like mine. The pain I feel for what he goes through and how easily he is misunderstood is like having my heart broken every single day. The wedge it puts between me and other parents makes me lonely and then when I get to talk to a parent who is having similar experiences it's like getting the freshest breath of air but I also feel like I want to monopolize them and suck their energy up because I don't have any of my own anymore so sometimes I keep my distance so I don't scare them off and that's lonely too.**
So much good is happening right now. So many positive changes have been finally coming through and I want Max to feel them too but instead he's just getting worse and worse. So while I really want to stop drinking a six pack of beer a night so that I can stop being fat and miserable which isn't how my spirit wants to feel- I am going to have to find a way to make my parenting life a hell of a lot less stressful because I can't parent my child right now on less than six beers a night.
Don't any of you dare judge me unless you have gone through what I go through every day. Don't anyone dare dish me up platitudes or tell me that going to alcoholics anonymous will give me the strength to live in a house with two untreated mentally ill people because I already know it aint so. I am never drunk and am not exactly ashamed of doing what I've had to do to not kill myself at the end of the day when it's been one long stream of panic attacks from three directions.
Every time I think I've spilled my darkest secrets I seem to find there's more. More. And more.
I know what my child needs and it isn't vitamin B12 (though, with his diet it's tempting to suspect a vitamin deficiency- we keep him on a steady supply of multi vitamins usually) nor does he need some metaphysical intervention. What he needs is a professional assessment so his options can be sorted through. He needs more support than he can get from his mentally ill parents. He needs therapy and possibly medication. And if I choose to wait until he's older it could be too late.
So along with the rest of my life I'm trying to clean up this year this will also need addressing because it is one of the greatest sources of stress in my life and it's not one that a hot bath can make disappear. If I'm going to reach my goals this year then I have to step up to the plate and stop being afraid of saying what needs to be said, of addressing the thing that scares the goddamn crap out of me. I've listened to other people long enough.
I've listened to them and I've listened to Max.
Max is this huge light of a person who's gifts are pretty incredible. He will never be like other kids or people because he was born to lead his own brigade. But he won't be able to see or use his own gifts unless his brain is allowed to rest. The greatest way that I can show my love to this amazing child of mine is to show him how to help his brain function better, to show him that having a mental illness can be a pain in the ass but most of us people with mental illnesses are people everyone else needs. We are people who see differently and have the power to show others how to see differently too; through many mediums such as art, science, words, and music. Mental illness can uncover what lies beneath the layers of this human sheen.
I am scared to get him an official diagnosis but I'm even more scared of what will happen to us all if I don't.
*I wasn't kidding. I'm still not kidding.
**A couple of blog friends of mine have been so generous as to share with me their own similar challenges with their kids and I have one local friend who knows what I go through because of her own experience with similar issues and I cannot stress enough how much it means to me when someone talks to me who knows what I have gone through and helps me not feel like an asshole or a failure of a parent. You know who you are- you have made me feel so much less alone and the three of you have offered much needed balm to me- THANK YOU!
Expecting and nursing mothers require social protection but workers in the informal economy are often not covered. Maternity protection has been a primary concern of the ILO since its creation in 1919. Workplace support for mothers who are breastfeeding has been a basic provision of maternity protection. The Philippines expanded maternity leave benefits in 2019 to align with international labour standards. The ILO also promoted exclusive breastfeeding in the workplace to advance women’s rights to maternity protection and to improve nutrition security for Filipino children.
Photo : E. Tuyay / ILO
Date : 2011/11
Country : Philippines
I expect you've all seen John Betjeman Goes By Train, a 1950s telly discourse on the charms of the branch line (since closed) along the Norfolk coast. During the film the great man avers that Hunstanton should be pronounced "Hunston" and Snettisham as "Snetchum". I'm a bit doubtful about this and, domiciled not far away for some nine years now, have never heard either place pronounced like this. Betjeman's daughter, Candida Lycett-Green, mentioned once that she suffered embarassment in later years because her father taught her as a girl that a well-known Bristol Channel resort was pronounced "Weston-super-Marry.
Anyway, on my few visits to Hunstanton I've never known the weather to be other than vile. Towards the end of the winter, on what seemed, in our back garden, quite a balmy day, we took our dog with us. The poor pooch, swaddled in his doggy overcoat, stood on the pebbles shivering in any icy blast straight from the fjords. On the occasion illustrated, in mid-June, rain slanted unrelentingly down from a sky like a clammy sheet. We took refuge in one of those pubs with a built-out glass structure wherein old-age pensioners tuck into their £6.50 three-course lunches and request glasses of "medium dry white wine" as an accompaniment.
So rather a joyless outing. I took the above during what promised to be a cessation of the rain, but soon proved a mere pause. A few dunlin sheltered in the lee of a groyne. Once we had ventured far from shelter the rain resumed with new tenacity. Having suffered some recent focus malfunctions with my autofocus Fuji GA645Zi ...I'll have to adapt my technique... I once more took up the same maker's GW690 II and used its smallest aperture, f32, to ensure front-to-back sharpness.
I wasn't expecting the fog to be so thick or last so long when I planned a sunrise photoshoot. Two hours later it was starting to clear a bit, so I decided to fly the quadcopter to see what was visible. The fog bank was thicker than 100 m, but patches were clearing and I was able to grab a panorama of the old Walker Sawmill.
This 360° aerial panorama was stitched from 26 photographs with PTGUI Pro and touched up in Affinity Photo and Aperture.
Original size: 13000 × 13000 (169.0 MP; 304.96 MB).
Location: East Duffins Headwaters, Ontario, Canada
Well, what did you expect ;-)
Filmed by Andy - Sony Handycam HDR-CX730E + Raynox HD2025PRO 2x extender edited in Sony Vegas
The Music is courtesy of Tony Haven www.tonyhaven.com/
expecting a baby #baby #expecting #patchworkapp #flatdesign #illustration #design #graphic #art #vector #graphicdesign #digitalart #geometry #iconic #mimimal #love #kawaii #cute #tokyo #japan #nemury #イラスト #幾何学 #フラットデザイン #妊娠
A meadow brown butterfly with a bit of a mite problem...!
I have read that these Trombidium breei mites are not harmful to the butterfly, although when attached near the eye I'd expect that they would impair vision.
Was expecting a sunset tonight,cold and foggy all day.
On the way home saw this tree and thought i could do something with it.
37608 on 7E25 09:14 Crewe South Yard - Attercliffe Sidings EWS at Bathpool Park 16/10/2024
We were expecting it to slip and struggle here with it absolutely pissing down but unfortunately she came storming out of the tunnel and up the bank sadly.... to add insult to injury it was mega late thus made chasing it for a 2nd shot impossible.
Expecting and nursing mothers require social protection but workers in the informal economy are often not covered. Maternity protection has been a primary concern of the ILO since its creation in 1919. Workplace support for mothers who are breastfeeding has been a basic provision of maternity protection. The Philippines expanded maternity leave benefits in 2019 to align with international labour standards. The ILO also promoted exclusive breastfeeding in the workplace to advance women’s rights to maternity protection and to improve nutrition security for Filipino children.
Photo : E. Tuyay / ILO
Date : 2011/11
Country : Philippines
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So yeah wasn't expecting to be told this had pitched up in Pevensey near Eastbourne!, and this ex West Yorkshire Road Car Buses vehicle has recently been abandoned in a layby on Wartling Road behind Pevensey Services, near to the A259 Road at Pevensey near Eastbourne in East Sussex, and this vehicle which from what I could see through the windows, appears to retain most of its seating, had previously lived on a farm near Hailsham for about 9 years according to Harry Powell, to whom Thanks are due for the tip off about this vehicle (and all the other things I seem to find in Sussex).
This year I am making Photography Calendars, and so if you still like my work as much as all your favourites and comments say you do, here is the EBAY link: www.ebay.co.uk/itm/375115679073?hash=item5756a30561:g:Xrc..., and you do not need an EBAY Account to buy one, as you can "Check Out as Guest".
All Feedback is Welcome, and I look forward to doing business with you!
This Polaroid concludes The Sound of Sunshine series. Sunrises and sunsets are always something to look forward to. I love nature.
Unfortunately, there have been some Polaroid malfunctions for a couple photos. I guess this should be expected since I am new to Polaroid, but I would rather not accept that. So far I have wasted two exposures in total, which I am very depressed about and wish that I could undo. The sad part is that they are original Polaroid exposures that expired in 2007. I guess you just have to live and learn.
Not one I expected to make the grade
1. Pukeko 'Hoki Koki', 2. Lock-Down, 3. Koru, 4. Lurking in the Shadows, 5. Wasp, 6. Tongariro Dawn, 7. Monochrome, 8. Royal Spoonbill,
9. Juvenile on a Tombstone, 10. Fearsome Yawn, 11. Spur-Winged Plovers, 12. "Nevermore", 13. Portrait of a Juvenile Magpie, 14. Back-Lighting, 15. Kea, 16. Flying Reptile,
17. Heron in Rain, 18. Kingfisher Perch, 19. Looking back to Ngauruhoe, 20. Magpie Fly-By, 21. Starfish Gathering, 22. Winter, 23. Tiger - Auckland Zoo, 24. Kelp Gull Flight,
25. Gazing at a Sunset Sky, 26. Albatross Fly-By, 27. Ruapehu Sunrise, 28. Dead Leaf, 29. Fungi on Pandora, 30. Land of Rainbows, 31. Kealakekua Bay, 32. Golden Plover,
33. Motutara, 34. Huge Ice, 35. A Walk in the Park, 36. MY POND!, 37. Tembo, 38. Clouds Over Ruapehu, 39. In-Flight Kingfisher, 40. Stone Carving,
41. Spoonbill Flight, 42. The Wild, Wild West, 43. Raven in Juneau, 44. Poles, 45. Brothers, 46. Close-Up in Kaikoura, 47. Tawhai Falls - Slow, 48. Legs,
49. Someone Did Not, 50. Sitting Bull, 51. Red-Tailed Black Cockatoo, 52. Little, Lost Bear, 53. Negative Tone - Positive Colour, 54. Winter Rocks, 55. Tui in the Bush, 56. Starfish on the Move,
57. Black Sand Balls, 58. Flax Head, 59. Walk This Way, 60. Only a Yawn, 61. Octopus, 62. Flower of Scotland, 63. Pachyderms, 64. Sparrow on the Wharf,
65. North Island Robin, 66. White-Faced Heron, 67. Saltwater Crocodile, 68. Huka Falls, 69. Kaikoura Sunset Sky, 70. Penny the Cat, 71. Pygmy Marmoset, 72. Soaring South of Kaikoura
09/52 - 52 Weeks of 2018
"Product advertisement"
This was a bit harder than I expected. I knew I wanted a bit of a challenge. I figured I would try to highlight a local/regional brand (this is a microbrew from Lakeland, which is about midway between Orlando and Tampa). I could have done a wine bottle, but those can be a bit cliche (even though they aren't exactly easy to light well). I learned aluminum cans aren't easy to light either.
This gave me an opportunity to play around with my off camera flash and some modifiers, but I just didn't have decent space to move and position them as they probably should have been. And unfortunately I don't really have the time to play around some more this weekend. I do have a few other ideas, but maybe for a later date. Also, I learned how to remote capture directly to the laptop, so that really helped.
They did not expect this. Being neither wise nor brave
And wearing only the beauty of youth's season
They took the first turning quite unquestioningly
And walked quickly without looking back even once.
It was of course the wrong turning. First they were nagged
By a small wind that tugged at their clothing like a dog;
Then the rain began and there was no shelter anywhere,
Only the street and the rows of houses stern as soldiers.
Though the blood chilled, the endearing word burnt the tongue.
There were no parks or gardens or public houses:
Midnight settled and the rain paused leaving the city
Enormous and still like a great sleeping seal.
At last they found accommodation in a cold
Furnished room where they quickly learnt to believe in ghosts;
They had their hope stuffed and put on the mantelpiece
But found, after a while, that they did not notice it.
While she spends many hours looking in the bottoms of teacups
He reads much about association football
And waits for the marvellous envelope to fall:
Their eyes are strangers and they rarely speak.
They did not expect this.
I expected to have a bright day to take pictures with my new spring romper, but it turned out cloudy and snowy.. so I had to improvise with warmer pieces.
photos by neil!
blogged! bloomingleopold.blogspot.com
pink swiss dot romper - reconstructed from a vintage dress
brown striped cardigan - urban outfitters (neil's)
fur hat - gap (neil's)
black lace up zodiac boots - tennessee antique mall