View allAll Photos Tagged Sensitive
I always thought I was too sensitive...
But maybe sensibility and passion are connected.
I live 300 percent my own feelings, which makes me sometimes the saddest person ever, and sometimes... the happiest one!
I would never change it. I don't want to anymore.
It's me, I was built this way. My tears can be impressive, but my ability to smile, laugh, love... is even bigger.
I know a lot of people are like this... but it's too often seen as a kind of illness. "Don't be so sensitive", "you're too much sensitive", "be strong, don't cry, it's useless".
I realize today that being sensitive makes me stronger than those persons could think. Than I thought.
I realize it everyday.
I live and act the way I "feel" things, taking everyday the risk that my sensibility could be badly hurt. Actually, I think I take more risks than some other people, because I also know how much I can be happy too. How much I can be bursting with love and joy. It doesn't make the risk smaller, but oh god... the possibilities are so delicious then.
L
"A sensitive plant in a garden grew,
And the young winds fed it with silver dew,
And it opened its fan-like leaves to the light,
and closed them beneath the kisses of night."
(Percy Bysshe Shelley, "The Sensitive Plant," 1820)
Kind of busy... Catch up soon... Thanks for looking ... :-)
New blog: I was looking for an affordable action camera and this is it. This camera is everything I would expect it to be.
REVIEW: Sunplus SP5K Series
blog
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hengistbury_Head
Hengistbury Head /ˈhɛŋɡəstbri/ is a headland jutting into the English Channel between Bournemouth and Mudeford in the English county of Dorset. It is a site of international importance in terms of its archaeology and is scheduled as an Ancient Monument.[1] Declared a Local Nature Reserve in 1990, the head and its surroundings form part of the Christchurch Harbour Site of Special Scientific Interest.[2] It is also a Special Area of Conservation, Special Protection Area, an Environmentally Sensitive Area and a Site of Nature Conservation Interest.[3] The name "Hengistbury Head" refers to the immediate area; the elevated portion is called Warren Hill.
There has been human activity on the site since the Upper Palaeolithic; during the Victorian era, it was heavily quarried, and in recent years tourism has become significant – it receives over a million visitors annually. The various habitats on the Head provide a home for many plants, birds and insects, some of them rare and critically endangered. Erosion remains a threat to the site, although long-term projects are intended to secure it for the future.
Location
After the counties were redesignated in 1974, the site has been considered part of Dorset. The isolated building near the centre of the image (labelled "Summer House") is the thatched barn still at the Head. The barn forms part of the new visitor centre.
Hengistbury Head is a sandstone headland forming part of Southbourne, which is a suburb of the town of Bournemouth to the west; the nearest major settlement is Christchurch to the north. It is the most easterly part of the Borough of Bournemouth, and marks the most easterly point of Poole Bay. Historically part of Hampshire, the Local Government Act 1972 designated the area a part of Dorset. The northern slope of the hill tailing off towards the sea forms Mudeford spit, the sand bar closing Christchurch Harbour from the south.
Buildings
The spit is home to more 300 privately owned beach-huts, one of which in 2012 became one of the UK's most expensive, selling for £170,000 just two days after being put on the market.[4] The hut measures a little over five by three metres, has no running water, and the occupants may only stay overnight from March to October. Despite the relative lack of amenities, the area has become one of the UK's most desirable; huts are rented out for up to £600 a week.[5]
The Black House, a local landmark, stands at the end of the spit, opposite Mudeford Quay, site of the Battle of Mudeford in 1784. Built in 1848, it was once a boat-builders' house, but is now rented out to holidaymakers.[6] It has served a variety of functions over the years, and is commonly associated with the area's smuggling past.[7]
Toponymy
Mentioned as Hednesburia in a church deed of the early 12th century, and referred to as Hynesbury Head in the 17th, Hengistbury only took on its current spelling in the 19th century, during a period of what archaeologist Barry Cunliffe calls "antiquarian romanticism".[8] Many prehistoric sites around this time were renamed to link them with historical figures.[8] It was thought at the time that the legendary Anglo-Saxon leader Hengist could be buried here, as he was said to have been laid to rest in an unlocated mound. Twentieth-century excavations have established that the tumuli at Hengistbury Head date to the Bronze Age however.[9]
History
Hengistbury Head is home to a plethora of nationally and internationally significant archaeological sites, with features dating from the Late Upper Palaeolithic to the Roman settlement of Britain, earning the site Scheduled Ancient Monument status.[10] Interest in the site declined throughout the Dark Ages, until extensive development took place in Christchurch around 890 AD, when the Head may have been used as a lookout post. The area was heavily quarried during the Victorian period and nowadays receives over a million visitors annually.[11]
Stone Age
Several archaeological digs have revealed that the site was occupied during the Upper Palaeolithic.[12] There is evidence of an open settlement of the Creswellian culture on the hill in the middle of the headland dating to around 14,100 years ago. With over 13,000 lithic artefacts it is probably the largest site of the period.[13][14] Most interesting were several blades typically found at Upper Paleolithic sites across Europe, but rarely seen outside of caves in the UK, where open air sites of this age are extremely rare.[15] People at the Head were heavily involved with the production of blades, further excavations identified 649 tools, dominated by backed blades, endscrapers and burins.[16]
At the time the Warren Hill would have overlooked a large river valley that was to become the English Channel. Once the sea had inundated the surrounding valley, Mesolithic hunter gatherers exploited the site. Pollen analysis of peat from the Solent bed suggest a lightly wooded headland free of close-knit undergrowth during this period, an ideal habitat for game.[17]
Bronze Age
In Bronze Age Britain this was an important seaport.[18] Eleven Bronze Age Britain round barrows sit on the promontory with two more a little further inland. Eleven of the round barrows were excavated; three by Bushe Fox in 1911–12 and eight by Harold St George Gray in 1919 and 1922.[9][19] Two appear to be undisturbed. Numerous finds including Early Bronze Age axes and cremation urns were recovered from these tumuli, which have been consistently found to be between 3500 and 4000 years old.[9]
One of the barrows (south of where the thatched barn now stands)[20] contained a high status cremation of a woman of about twenty years in age, accompanied by an incense cup, a halberd-style pendant made from amber and copper alloy, and two gold cones that would have covered buttons of an organic material.[21] The burial-goods recovered are similar to those of the Wessex culture, the Wilsford and Dorset Ridgeway series in particular.[20] An urn from one of the barrows likely to have been made between 1700 and 1500 B.C., has been identified as Trevisker ware, a type widely found throughout Devon and Cornwall which was transported east in lesser amounts, this find being one of the easternmost discovered.[22]
Iron Age
In Iron Age Britain around 700 BC, a settlement on the Head was established;[23] also around this time, the headland was cut off from the mainland by the construction of two banks and ditches called the Double Dykes, similar to those found at Maiden Castle.[24] The earthworks consisted of an inner bank three metres high, with a ditch three and a half metres deep. An outer ditch six metres wide and two metres in depth is now obscured due to wind-blown deposits of sand and a gradual silting process.[25] These defences turned Hengistbury Head into a fortified settlement area which seems to have grown over succeeding centuries until it became an important port.[26] The Iron Age port at Hengistbury Head forms a final site in a small chain of fortified earthworks, starting from Hambledon Hill, and also including Hod Hill, Spetisbury Rings, Buzbury Rings, Badbury Rings and Dudsbury Camp.[27]
John Lavender of the local Red House Museum noted evidence of small iron-ore smelting hearths on Warren Hill, while green vitreous slag has been also found on the Head.[28] In his 1911 to 1912 excavations, Bushe-Fox found evidence for working of lead, copper and silver; two ingots discovered at this time revealed that raw materials would have been imported to the area.[28] One ingot was of nearly pure copper, while the other, which weighed 8.6 kg, was roughly 50/50 copper-silver alloy with around one percent gold.[29] Argentiferous (i.e. silver-bearing) copper was refined to produce silver at the Head.[29] There are also indications that gold was worked at Hengistbury.[30] One excavation produced part of a torc, twisted together with a small gold bracelet and another fragment in a manner suggesting it was scrap; a different site produced a streaked touchstone indicating use in gold testing.[30]
Thousands of bronze coins have been found from the pre-Roman period, the vast majority having been struck by the Durotriges.[31] The abundance of coins, together with various hearths and smelting artefacts found within a close proximity suggest that the Durotrigan finds were minted here.[32]
International trade centre
The advanced level of metallurgy in the area, coupled with its ease of access from the Continent, meant that Hengistbury Head became a significant Late-Iron Age port; trading worked metal of iron, silver, and bronze in return for figs, glass, tools and other goods. Armorican coins and pottery uncovered here show links to the Brittany peninsula.[33] Amphorae used for the transportation of North Italian wine have been found in such quantities (more than all other sites in the south of England put together), that it is clear that the Head was a main port of entry into the country.[34] However, no similar amphorae have been unearthed in Armorica, hinting at a more direct trade route between Hengistbury Head and Italy.[34] Most of these vessels date from before 50 B.C., while later styles are absent despite being common in other parts of Britain, indicating the wine trade seems to have declined at about the time Caesar began his Gaulish campaigns.[35]
Roman occupation to Medieval period
After the Roman conquest, the south-east of England started to develop into a more urban economy, while the socio-economic system of the south-west remained little changed.[36] Hengistbury would still have served as an important hub for the Dumnonii of Cornwall and Devon, and the Durotriges of Wiltshire and Dorset; since transport by water was more efficient at the time, and the Head offered both a coastal route, and freshwater options via the Stour and Avon rivers.[36]
No evidence of Saxon use has been found at the Head.[37] The area was not substantially reoccupied until Alfred the Great decided to rebuild the harbour as a defence against raiders. He built the town that later became Christchurch, on the north side of the harbour. Access to Salisbury up the River Avon made this a more strategic place. The Head may have been used for harbour defence at this time. In the 11th century, some of the iron-ore rich stones found at the Head were used in the construction of Christchurch Castle. These reddish-coloured stones can still be seen in the base of the now ruined castle.[38]
17th, 18th and 19th centuries
In the late 1600s, Andrew Yarranton (with backing from the Earl of Clarendon) commenced a scheme to improve the harbour. In 1693 a channel was cut out to sea, whilst ironstone boulders from the head were used to create a pier.[39] The plans proved ineffective; the pier was poorly positioned and subsequent storms (including the Great Storm of 1703) soon undid most of the work although parts of the pier known as "Clarendon's Jetty" or the "Long Rocks" are still visible today.[40] Many tons may have been removed from the beach and the head itself to make the jetty.[41]
In 1733 a new Excise and Customs Bill was introduced, restricting imports and raising taxes on many luxury items. Christchurch rapidly became a hot-bed for smugglers, where they were known as "freetraders", and much of the town was involved in the trade. The "Double Dykes" are said to have been used to hide contraband,[42] while Mudeford spit is rumoured to have been used in the construction of "Guinea boats" (cheaply built galleys sometimes capable of outrunning the day's steamships).[43][44] One apocryphal story is that the black house acquired its distinctive black colour when customs officers tried to smoke out some holed-up smugglers by lighting fires around the base.[43] The house was constructed in 1848 and used by shipwrights as a dwelling and workshop, smuggling was in decline with the introduction of a free trade policy and more effective measures being implemented by the Coast Guard by this time, so the house may not in fact have had much involvement in smuggling. The spit has a long association with shipbuilding with two large ships being built in the mid 19th century, the "Viscountess Canning" of 193 tons and the "Enterprise" 253 tons.[6]
From 1848 to 1872, the Hengistbury Mining Company – formed by a Christchurch-based merchant, John E. Holloway – extracted many more ironstone boulders through quarrying. Holloway brought coal from Southampton, and took the ironstone as ballast for the return journey.[45] These boulders, known as Iron Doggers, were prized for their high quantity of iron ore (up to 30%).[46] They form the base of Hengistbury Head, and the removal of a substantial amount of doggers over the years has weakened the headland. These and earlier excavations resulted in a loss of up to a third of the Head, caused mainly by erosion after the quarry's closure. The silt being washed down also threatened the ecology of the saltmarsh below. This has been reduced by the building of a dam, in 1976, to create a pool. Many "doggers" can still be seen lining the route of the land-train and at the quarry.[46]
UK's first airshow
In 1910 the first international aviation meeting ever held in Britain took place on a specially laid out aerodrome consisting of a mile of grassland between the "Double Dykes" and the nearby village of Tuckton. About twenty pioneer aviators from around the world participated in various competitions including spot landing, altitude tests and speed trials (both for the fastest and slowest circuit).[47]
On the second day of the meeting, co-founder of Rolls-Royce and pioneer aviator Charles Rolls was thrown from his plane, which disintegrated beneath him. Despite the fact that the first-ever powered flight had occurred only seven years previously, Rolls had been attempting a precision landing. He died from his injuries shortly after his fall.[48] The event was Britain's earliest fatal flying accident involving a powered aircraft.[47]
20th century
There were a number of development schemes for the head including a major railway and docks scheme proposed in 1885, proposals for housing and a golf course were also put forward before World War I, though none of these schemes came to fruition.[49] In 1919 the head was sold by Sir George Meyrick to Harry Gordon Selfridge with plans to construct a grand house. These plans also came to nothing, apart from the establishment of a nursery garden.[50] Bournemouth Borough Council purchased the head in 1930 for £25,200;[51] although plans for housing existed west of double dykes, the head itself was to be kept as public open space. During World War II the head was closed to the public and was occupied by the army, becoming home to a number of installations including a radar station. The area was also extensively mined. The Head was finally cleared of the military defences by the 1950s.[52]
Present day
Hengistbury Head Local Nature Reserve is currently owned and managed by Bournemouth Borough Council. In 1990, the land was declared a Local Nature Reserve, as a commitment by the town of Bournemouth to conserve and enhance the environment.[53] The heathland forms part of the Dorset Heaths and is internationally protected as a Special Area of Conservation and Special Protection Area. Nearby, the upper reaches of Christchurch Harbour (including the meadows at Wick) are recognised as an Environmentally Sensitive Area.[53]
The head today is used for a variety of reasons. Firstly it is a tourist spot where country walks can be taken all over the head due to the well defined gravel paths, some of which form part of the Bournemouth Coast Path.[54] In 2008, many paths were resurfaced, making more (though not all) parts of the Head wheelchair accessible. For example, it is now possible to gain wheelchair access to Quarry Pool. Regular field trips to the site are made by students of all ages and there are occasional guided tours or meetings around the Head covering a wide variety of subjects.[3]
There is a cafe at the bottom of the Head on the Bournemouth side. Hengistbury Head Outdoor Education centre is located near here on the south shore of the harbour. Run by Brockenhurst College, the centre offers a variety of water and outdoor activities.[55] A scenic land train (known as "the Noddy train") makes regular journeys from the cafe to the end of the spit, a journey of ten or so minutes.[56] On the head itself is a H. M. Coastguard radio relay station, a nature reserve and a triangulation pillar, shown on Ordnance Survey maps as 36 metres above sea level. Ample parking (subject to charges) can be found near the cafe, but the Head is also within walking distance of Southbourne and parts of Christchurch.
The Quarry Pool is now a significant part of the nature reserve features of the Head. While it was very acidic in the early years, since 1990 it has allowed the growth of a significant number of plant and insect species, as well as mallard and little grebe. The insects provide valuable food for migrating sand martins and swallows.[57]
Visitor centre
A new visitor centre for Hengistbury Head is scheduled to open by the end of 2013. Developments are currently underway on the thatched barn, which is being made in an eco-friendly way.[58] the new addition will cost over a million pounds with funding provided by developer contributions, the Heritage Lottery Fund and £300,000 from landfill tax.[58]
The centre will house a new display area concerning the site's archaeology, ecology and geology,[59] while work space will be created for volunteers and other community groups such as the Hengistbury Head Supporters Group, Residents' Association and Christchurch Harbour Ornithological Group.[3] The public will have the chance to scrutinise a selection of the finds discovered at Hengistbury Head in the last century, and to interact with experienced staff, as well as providing them with the opportunity to become actively involved in the administration of the nature reserve.[59]
The surrounding area will be extensively landscaped to create outdoor learning areas and a wildlife garden.[60] Energy-saving features will include photovoltaic panels for electricity and ground source heat pump for heating. A green roof (a living roof that is partially or completely covered with vegetation and a growing medium), will be used to absorb rainfall and provide insulation.[58] The centre will be constructed using timber-frame walls insulated with straw bales.[58]
Geography
According to Ian West of Southampton University, "Hengistbury Head is the best part of the Bournemouth coast for geology and geomorphology .... [and] is geologically important for the unusual nodules of sideritic ironstone [found] in Middle Eocene strata."[61] The exposed and relatively untouched cliff face at the Head perfectly lends itself to students of stratigraphy. Warren Hill itself is composed of Tertiary Bracklesham Beds,[62] a mixture of clays and marls with overlying sandy and lignitic beds.
Erosion
One serious threat to the future of the Head is erosion of the exposed southern cliff face from wind and rain, as well as erosion caused by the sea primarily through the process of Longshore drift. A comparison of Ordnance Survey maps reveals that 25 metres of cliff was washed away from 1915 to 1962,[62] a process accelerated by the Bournemouth cliff's concreted promenade and groynes, construction of which started in the early 20th century. It is thought that in the last 200 years around 150 metres of land has been lost from the Head.[62] The first attempt to counteract erosion came in the 1930s when Bournemouth Council constructed a breakwater now known as "the Long Groyne".[63] Since then, a gabion revetment has been constructed to secure the weakest point at the eastern end of the Head.[38] In a long-term project to secure the Head's future, from 2005 to 2008 Poole Bay was replenished with 1.8 million cubic metres of beach material,[64] drawing ire from some surfers and beach lovers owing to the increase in sharp stones on Southbourne beach in particular.[65] The project's organizers, the Poole Bay Partnership, state that: "The resulting wide beaches have been a success in terms of their function as a coast protection structure and for the enjoyment they provide to the area's residents and visitors."[64]
Flora and fauna
Hengistbury Head forms part of the Christchurch Harbour Site of Special Scientific Interest (SSSI), and in May 1990 was declared a Local Nature Reserve.[66] The Head supports 500 plant species (a quarter of the national flora), including eight red data book species, 14 nationally scarce, and 39 locally rare species. The main nature reserve area faces Christchurch Harbour, and is contiguous with the reed beds of Wick Fields. The Head contains a large variety of habitats from the heathland on Warren Hill to freshwater ponds, sand dunes, and salt marshes. The woodland (known as Withybed Wood) is home to English oak and silver birch amongst many other trees, and is of particular interest, as it is the only such area to be shown on an 1811 O.S. map of the Bournemouth/Christchurch area.[66] In 2002, cattle-grazing commenced in a field near the new visitor centre known as "Barn Field". This, combined with gorse eradication, has assisted in the restoration of this habitat to its ancient character.[67]
Present on the site is Sea knotgrass (Polygonum maritimum), the rarest of the knotgrasses in Britain,[68] and currently listed as a "schedule 8 species" under the Wildlife and Countryside Act 1981. Such plants are afforded greater than usual protection against damaging activities – such as "cutting, picking, destroying or selling."[69] The heathland is both a Special Area of Conservation and a Special Protection Area, part of a network of the best wildlife sites in Europe.[66]
The various habitats provide homes to numerous species of insects. There are 700 moth species recorded in the nature reserve, again a quarter of the national total. At different spots across the site butterflies (including the green hairstreak),[70] damselflies (like the large red), and dragonflies (such as the hairy dragonfly) can be observed.[3][66][71] The exceedingly rare thirteen-spotted ladybird (Hippodamia 13-punctata), was recently observed at the Head, the first recorded UK sighting since 1952.[66]
Over 300 bird species have been recorded in the area,[72] making Hengistbury Head an important migratory point. The Balearic shearwater, considered critically endangered with extinction by the IUCN and seldom sighted in the UK, has been seen in the area.[72] Other rare birds spotted here include the purple heron, the pink-footed goose, the European honey buzzard and the melodious warbler.[73] The fields and reserved areas near the car park provide an ideal spot to watch and listen to a significant population of skylarks during the summer months.
In 1989 a project commenced to re-introduce the country's rarest amphibian, the natterjack toad, to Hengistbury Head. The natterjack was last recorded on the headland in the 1950s before its extinction, probably as the result of a lack of suitable ponds.[74] The project has been a great success and today there are thriving populations at various locations.[74] The ideal time to witness their mating rituals is in May as dusk approaches, when the distinctive call of the natterjack can be heard for miles around.
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Yesterday I assisted in shooting a wedding which was a very intense and amazing experience. I feel like I learned a lot and I saw the behind the scenes of a wedding. The couple was a perfect match and I could tell that they would last (which made photographing the wedding all the more rewarding).
Woot! That was my first paid gig! Everything is coming up Kelsey!
Annnnywhoooo, I'm super pooped so this photo is kind of half-assed and I'm sorry but I hope you enjoy it. Hopefully I'll update my tumblr later tonight...
Author's Note: The contents of this chapter include very sensitive subject matter and may be triggering to some individuals. Scenes of abuse of various forms are represented as not only for storytelling, but to raise awareness of what this behavior looks like. Abusive behavior in this story includes, but is not limited to: physical abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse, gaslighting, manipulation, intentional triggering of another's PTSD, and trauma. In no way are these scenes intended to purposely trigger or harm anyone.
...
"...Vincent, it's me! Open the door! I need to talk to you now!"
After such an exciting (though socially exhausting) day, hearing Damien's persistent tone on the other side of the door caused him to tense as if he'd been doused with cold water. This was not how he would have liked to end his day! He really didn't want to deal with Damien right now, but he couldn't pretend he wasn't home anymore. He'd hoped Damien would have let him know before coming over. Vincent already felt a stress-headache coming on. He put the safety back on his pistol and gave a soft sigh. He could do this.
But as Vincent reached for the lock so he could let Damien in, the door was knocked on again! Vincent stared at the door and scowled. Well, that was rude of him, he thought sourly. He was sorely tempted to leave Damien out there even longer but then Damien called through the door again, "Come on, Vincent! Don't leave me out here like this. I thought you said you wanted to talk this out!"
Inhaling sharply through his nose, Vincent grit his teeth. Damien didn't need to make such a loud commotion for the whole building to hear! Deciding just to get this over with he let out some tension as he exhaled. Then he reached for the door, unlocked it, and pulled the door open to stare stoically up at his best friend of six years with his pistol resting at his side defenselessly.
Damien stared back at him with a look Vincent had seen many times; just never directed at him. In his interrogation mode, Damien's brows furrowed deeply and eyes darkened a certain way that could send chills down the spine of almost anyone who received it. His arms were folded over his chest and, in Vincent's opinion, he looked more impatient than he'd ever seen him. Vincent, however, was not like most people, and he maintained his stoic exterior. But oh, he was offended! Who the Hell did Damien think he was?! He opened his mouth to put Damien in his place but Damien cut in just a tiny bit faster.
"Are you alone?" Damien demanded quietly. Vincent blinked at him with just a hint of surprise at this question. He barely had a chance to utter, "Yes?" before Damien nodded and brushed past him to enter the flat. He grunted, "Good. We have much to discuss and I don't want any interruptions this time."
"What is the meaning of this?" Vincent asked incredulously as he pushed the door closed with a groan. "I was expecting you to let me know when you were coming over first. You always let me know first." And when he turned to look at Damien, he found Damien standing nearly an arm's length away and glowering at him.
"Well, I was expecting a bit more loyalty from YOU!"
"Loyalty?!"
"Yes! Why should I do what you want me to do when you won't do what 'I' want? All I wanted to do was to talk this out....just you and me. And all anyone else can do is put their nose in where it doesn't belong."
"It had nothing to do with Aiden!"
But at the mention of their engineer's name, Damien's nostrils flared and he spat out, "See how quickly you think of 'him?' You are proving my point. No, Vincent, it has EVERYTHING to do with YOU!" He pointed his finger right at Vincent's chest and accused, "You are throwing me to the side like a discarded, rotted apple core on the side of the road for the rats! I didn't even mention anyone in particular and already your mind went to him! Aiden this! Aiden that! Why does he even matter anyway?" Damien pressed his hands to his own chest and his expression implored Vincent to see his side as he pleaded, "Don't you care about me at all, Vincent?"
Fleetingly, Vincent was amazed that Damien had the courage to behave and speak to him like this when Vincent was armed. Despite his calm exterior, he was growing more confused and upset at Damien's onslaught of unexpected feelings. However, it was as Aiden was brought up that it shifted into anger. Vincent was done. He was going to put him in his place once and for all! But damn it all Damien asked him if he cared about him at all and Vincent felt like the wind had been knocked out of him! He felt as if he couldn't focus on what he was upset about anymore as he grappled with the unexpected, emotional question.
Of course he cared about Damien! Damien was like a brother to him! He loved him as much despite their current situation. It was what made it hurt so much worse as each second of this whole interaction passed. Had....he been unfair to Damien somehow? He did want to work things out! After all, he'd gone to Damien's temporary residence as Damien had told him before many times to do if he ever needed anything. Unlike Vincent, Damien didn't care if anyone simply dropped in. Damien's sister had insisted once before that it was fine if he stopped in anytime. Honestly, he'd wondered if Damien had nudged her into it but he was grateful to be able to see his friend all the same.
"Of course, I care about you," Vincent relented as his stoic expression faded and a small, sad frown pulled at his lips. Was that how Damien felt about him? About their friendship? "That's not fair, Damien. How can you even say that after everything we've been through?"
"I can say the same about you," Damien responded with just a touch of edge in his voice as he reached out with his metallic arm and pressed his mechanical hand to the door behind Vincent and leaned in slightly; almost a touch dangerously. It made Vincent tense involuntarily as he stared back up at him. However, Damien's voice softened and he sounded and looked hurt.
"I just wanted to talk. And you sent me away."
"I-I just..."
"You just what, Vincent?"
Vincent shrank back slightly against the door and gazed up at his best friend before sighing. Finally he replied, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel like you don't matter." At his words, Damien's aggression dissipated as he smiled more. "I knew you would understand. I forgive you," Damien responded as his hand slid to squeeze Vincent's shoulder before resting there. Vincent glanced at his hand then gave a small nod before turning and brushing past Damien to head towards the veranda to get some air. As he walked past a bookshelf, he set down his gun then proceeded to run his hands through his hair. Bloody Hell...
Damien let his hand fall to his side as he turned slowly in place to visually follow Vincent's figure as he made to step outside. His eyes narrowed before he began to follow him out. Was something else wrong?
Out on the veranda, Vincent inhaled slowly and deeply through his nostrils before slowly exhaling as he glanced up at the evening sky. While he didn't mean to make Damien feel like he didn't matter, Damien's behavior as of late was....not okay. He really needed to talk to him about it. He needed to get to the bottom of it once and for all. Vincent could hear Damien following him out onto the veranda behind him. This was his chance to talk it out....just the two of them.
"Look... Damien..." Vincent turned to face Damien and he spoke sincerely as he tried to reason and understand. "I don't know what's been going on lately. I don't like this contention going on between us. I want you to talk to me. Tell me what's going on."
"There's nothing to talk about. You already apologized."
"Yes but that's not what I'm talking about."
"Then what ARE you talking about?"
"The contention going on between us lately; 'before' just the day before. Surely, you've felt it too?"
"Contention?"
"Yes. That's what I said."
"I don't know what you mean."
Damien looked genuinely confused! Vincent just couldn't understand why Damien didn't see what he was talking about. If he was being honest with himself, he had only noticed it during the last few weeks. Prior to that, they'd gotten on well enough and had always been able to work things out. It only seemed to be getting worse....and for some reason it felt like it was only around Aiden. He couldn't quite figure it out. Surely, that couldn't be it, he thought. Surely, Damien would tell him if he had a problem with Aiden! Up until the day before yesterday, the two seemed to have worked out whatever problem they had. But apparently they hadn't and something still seemed off between them even the other day. But...hadn't it always? Vincent had not forgotten what Bernadette had told him about Damien and Aiden's quarrel while he was still abed with high fever. He trusted she would never lie to him; especially about something like that. Therefore, he had taken her word that they had worked it. After all, Aiden hadn't come to him about Damien's misconduct. Was there not as big of a problem as he believed it was? Or was it just worse under the surface?
"Well," Vincent cleared his throat and began calmly, "that aside, I wanted to talk to you about something else. Just...I want to have a heart to heart, okay? Two days ago-"
"But you-"
"Don't interrupt me. Please let me finish."
Damien scowled but he closed his mouth and folded his arms over his chest defensively. However he did keep his mouth closed as he quirked his brow at Vincent and waited for whatever he was going to tell him. Opposite him, Vincent stared up at him calmly and waited for him. Once he saw Damien was actually going to listen he continued.
"Two days ago when you and I were speaking, some of the things you said to me were out of line." Vincent watched Damien's jaw tighten as his jaw clenched. Vincent felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach but tried to explain how he felt anyway. "You really hurt my feelings; especially when you accused me of being too intoxicated." And, sure enough, he'd barely had a chance to utter the last word of his sentence before Damien cut in defensively, "Well YOU hurt MY feelings!"
"I know, and I already apologized. But I still want to talk about what you-"
"You know I can't help what I say when I get angry!"
"Damien, don't you see?! THIS is what I'm talking about! We never argue like this!"
"You are just mad that I called you out on it!" He took a step closer and poked Vincent's chest which caused him to gasp in surprise! "It's not MY fault you like to overindulge in alcohol and herbs! Damn it, Vincent! You know what? Sometimes it's hard to tell if it's 'you' I'm talking to, or your addictions!"
Vincent's face fell, and for the second time this week he very nearly broke down completely. He bit his lower lip and gave a small nod before turning and facing away from Damien. He defensively folded his arms over his chest as his shoulders sank depressingly. That had hurt. It had hurt a lot. Was that really how Damien felt?
Damien sighed. He ran his hands over his face then peeked at Vincent through his fingers. Vincent still wasn't looking at him. He was just...standing there dejectedly and hurt. Frowning slightly, Damien stepped closer and placed his hand on Vincent's shoulder. At his touch, however, Vincent turned away more; clearly not wanting to be touched.
"What do you want me to say, Vincent? I'm sorry, okay?"
After several seconds of no response, Damien huffed and leaned around him and peered at the side of his face. Still nothing. In fact, Vincent turned his head away from him even more! 'Damn it all!' Damien thought. He groaned softly and leaned his forearms against the railing and leaned against it. He hung his head down slightly before glancing back at Vincent.
"Come on. You know I didn't mean that," he tried again, his voice softening. This time he sounded more sincere. "I really am sorry, Vincent. You know sometimes I say things I don't mean. Don't let this silly misunderstanding ruin what we have." At this, Vincent took a deep breath and slowly let it out before turning to glance over his shoulder at Damien, his gaze lifting towards his face but unable to meet his eyes.
"Is that what you really think of me?"
"I just said I didn't. Look, why don't we just start over and put all this behind us? We agree there have been misunderstandings and things done and said that we don't mean."
Vincent licked his lips as he considered that. Maybe Damien was right and it would be best to put it behind them and move on from it. While things had never escalated this much, they had done the same thing in the past once they reached an understanding. It always seemed to work out and they were fine again. Though, this time Aiden was a third party in this. Would things be okay with Aiden too?
"What about Aiden?"
"He will be fine! And if he can't work this out with me, it's not a big deal. He can leave just like the others did and go back to that little garage you plucked him out of." Damien gave a noncommittal shrug then confidently slid his arm around Vincent's shoulders and drew him to his side with an encouraging grin. Much to his delight he watched as Vincent lifted his gaze to finally look at him and gave a small smile and replied, "I suppose you're right."
"Of course I am!" Damien tightened his arm around Vincent's shoulders and jostled him gently with a chuckle. "You and me against the world, right?"
Vincent smiled a bit more and nodded. "Yeah, you and me against the world." Damien grinned and looked up at the sky and continued to ramble on about how he couldn't wait to get back up into the air. Beside him, Vincent's gaze lowered and he looked down at the railing. He could feel his mood sinking more and more. He couldn't help feeling like he hadn't really had a chance to get out what he wanted to say. It felt unfinished on Vincent's end but they HAD agreed it was a misunderstanding and to just move on from it. He decided to push it down and just...tuck it away. Perhaps things would just get better after all; just like Damien was saying. However, there was still something he couldn't seem to shake.
While he had voiced his agreement, the idea of Aiden leaving because he couldn't work things out with Damien made him feel even worse; somehow even worse than this unfinished business with Damien. Aiden was NOT like the handful of others who had departed from Leon's Claw. Aiden was special...important. He didn't want to see him go!
"...and in a few weeks your ribs will be healed! Guh...I'm so bored. I can't wait to get back in the air again," Damien was saying beside him. He appeared not to notice Vincent's quick-sinking depression. Perhaps it was better that way, Vincent figured. He really didn't want to upset Damien even more tonight. He was tired and growing more and more exhausted. Honestly, he just wanted to be done. He wanted to be alone. More than anything, he just wanted to escape. However, Vincent noticed Damien didn't seem ready to leave anytime soon. He'd have to do something about that.
"You're right!" Vincent replied with a small smirk, nudging Damien gently with his elbow as an idea had suddenly come to him. All he had to do was play along to keep Damien in a good enough mood. "Just a few more weeks. You're worried about being bored right? So why don't you keep yourself entertained by going to your family's gathering?" Damien opened his mouth and was about to interrupt but Vincent turned in Damien's arm and quickly added, "I know you want to stay here with me but all I'm going to be doing is sitting around. Boring. I'm boring."
"Are you trying to get rid of me?"
"I am pointing out the benefits if you go...such as the amazing food you KNOW will be there and you can share all your new adventures with everyone. It's been a long while since you've been there. You know everyone loves to hear when you tell a story! It would be fun!"
Damien gave a smug smirk and shrug as Vincent stroked his ego. He was right: everyone DID enjoy a good story and Damien had plenty to share now. The younger generations of his family all seemed to look up to him. It never failed to boost his ego.
"Honestly," Vincent continued, "you won't miss a thing. I intend to spend the next few weeks with my nose in a book."
"You'd rather choose a book over my company? How nice."
"Hmph! I keep telling you I'm not nice!"
Damien laughed and lifted his arm off of Vincent's shoulder so he could turn and face him properly as he leaned against the railing. Vincent turned fully to face him and gave him a small, amused smirk. "There are no plans except to sit and rest. Honest. No more adventures for me for a while. I am going to be resting. Bernadette's orders. Go with your sister. Go enjoy your vacation away and just have fun! You deserve it! You'll be back in three weeks from now, yes? By then my ribs should be good enough to go sailing! You and I can go together and then you can tell me all about your trip. It will give us both something to look forward to!"
"Fine," Damien finally agreed with a small chuckle. "I suppose you're right." He chuckled before he reached over his head and stretched and felt his back pop where he needed it and let himself drift off with thoughts of going to his family reunion after all.
"Good! It's decided!" Vincent agreed before Damien could change his mind. He had to fight to actually sigh with relief. While he truly did enjoy Damien's friendship, right now he really needed time away from him. It was best just to let him be happy and just...get past this for now. Maybe one day they could actually talk this out like he wanted to. He also figured that this time apart might be just what Damien and Aiden needed as well.
"Well since I'm here why don't we have dinner at The Fat Lady's? We can celebrate getting past all this messy business!" Damien was saying, but already Vincent felt his stomach lurch at the idea; especially at the mention of the tavern where Thorn and Micah had accused him of gambling. He smiled weakly and shook his head. "I appreciate the offer, but I think I will need to postpone. Why don't we celebrate tomorrow instead?"
"How come?"
"How come? Because I am not ready to go out tonight. I have a headache brewing, my ribs are aching, and I was not prepared for company let alone ready to go out in public tonight." Vincent pleaded exhaustedly. He just wanted to be left alone! And indeed, Damien finally began to see how tired Vincent looked. He did look a bit pale, didn't he? His brow furrowed in concern and asked, "Vincent, why didn't you say so? I could have just come back another time!"
Vincent fought back the knee-jerk reaction of angrily calling Damien a rather creative, colorful name. Instead, he sighed and just snorted at the irony of the situation and went to head back inside. Damien could have started with that when he first arrived! he thought.
Finally Vincent managed in a convincing voice as he paused at the door: "It's fine. Don't worry about it. Come on. I'll see you out."
NEXT PART:
www.flickr.com/photos/153660805@N05/52966552948/in/datepo...
To read the rest of the story, here's the album link:
www.flickr.com/photos/153660805@N05/albums/72157717075565127
***Please note this is a BOY LOVE (BL/yaoi/gay) series. It is a slow burn and rated PG13!***
Special thank you to my husband Vin (Be My Mannequin? Pose Store) for collaborating with me on this series and co-starring as The Captain!
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Onoclea sensibilis, sensitive fern, at the wooded end of the marsh at Bidgood's Park, Goulds, Newfoundland and Labrador. The ferns' fronds were standing upright and the high angle of the sun allowed both sides of the fronds to be lit at the same time!
Beauty of whatever kind, in its supreme development, invariably excites the sensitive soul to tears.
Edgar Allan Poe
tones: AllEdges
texture: kim klassen
One of many of the series, 'Facets', a project that I've been working on all summer.
Camera: Canon AE-1P
Film: Kodak Portra NC
Handmade masks done by Sundries and Plunder.
Disclaimer: The contents of this chapter include very sensitive subject matter involving of death of family and the PTSD that comes with it and may be triggering to some individuals.
...
Vincent lifted his gaze from the picture and leaned his head back against the pillow propped up behind him and closed his eyes. Right now, he was very grateful to his cousin and her bhang concoctions. If not for that, he wasn't sure if he'd be able to get through this today. Honestly he was still uncertain if he still actually could do this.
But as Vincent settled in, a slight smile drew upon his lips as he began to speak as he let him go back four years ago. And as he did, Aiden relaxed more beside him and listened to his story.
"I suppose this story began with my promotion to Captaincy. My uncle is very much a generous man as much as he is proud. He threw a ball to celebrate me. After all, I was the son he never had and it was expected of us. I was to greet and receive endless congratulations by many Captains and their wives, several Lords and Ladies and the worst ones of all." There was a dramatic pause. "Marriage-minded mothers and their daughters."
Vincent actually shuddered which made Aiden laugh softly. But at the same time, it put Vincent in a somewhat new perspective for him: Vincent was not just any ship's captain. He came from a wealthy family; perhaps even possibly related to a Lord or Lady! He supposed he should have realized that last week when Vincent mentioned being required to attend a huge event such as the coming masquerade ball.
"So a couple of hours into my endless parade of greetings and congratulations I happened upon a conversation of a small group discussing horror novels."
"Sounds like something you could get into."
"Indeed. Shh."
"Sorry."
"As I approached, the main speaker turned out to be a woman elaborating about a book she'd read. It turned out to be by the same author who wrote the book you gave me. Her audience had been quite shocked as she spun the summarized tale of how a scorned witch took bloody revenge on all those who'd wronged her. And trust me, it was absolutely tame compared to the novel itself. No one seemed to know what to say. And so when I announced that I knew the novel she was speaking of and that I'd enjoyed it, myself, she'd turned in excitement with such a brilliant smile. She promptly took my arm and, I quote, 'Now HERE'S someone worth talking to! Hello, good Sir, my name is Miss Emily Fenton. It's a pleasure to meet you. Shall we grab some lemonade together?' And as I escorted her away she mentioned the party had been dull until I arrived and that I was right on time."
Both men chuckled softly and Aiden thought to himself that Vincent's wife must have been a very interesting woman. He was very amused that Vincent imitated an enthusiastic young woman's voice quite well.
"She really turned my world upside down. I remember thinking to myself, how did I not notice her before? As it turned out, she was a visiting cousin of an acquaintance of the family. I remember the details of her eyes, those little flecks of green that encircled her iris. How she smelled of lilies which happened to be her favorite flower. She had this sly smile which was so full of mischief and had the most twisted sense of humor which I adored. But you'd never know the depth of her by looking at her. Oh, she would smile and act as a lady should be in public. Well....mostly. She was sharp, witty, and very well-read. She was a scholar and loved to delve into book after book. But her mind and the things that would come out of her mouth! And she'd do it with a straight face too! And you'd never see it coming!"
And Vincent was laughing! Aiden grinned and he listened, painting this picture in his head of the eventual Mrs. Emily Dubois. She seemed quite the character! She sounded like someone Vincent could easily get along with and clearly did.
Vincent's laughter quickly settled and he licked his lips before reaching for the cup of bhang tea beside him and drained the rest of it. He knew by the end of this, he was going to need it in his system. It had been a couple of years since he'd really talked about any of this. The last time had been to Damien and it hadn't given him as much closure as he'd have liked. Of course, Damien had been there to witness the majority of it all and hadn't needed explanations. He'd simply been there as a shoulder for Vincent to lean on. Sure, talking to Damien HAD helped and eventually he was able to get through each day again but...something about this time was different. He was able to let it flow differently this time as he got to tell the actual whole story to someone for the first time. It felt good to finally talk about it.
"You have to know something about me. Well, about who I was. I was married to my career. I loved everything about my life in the sky and had everything I wanted. I had no need for marriage at the time. I was young; only twenty-three. I wasn't expected to look for a wife for several years and even so I didn't have to. I was a captain! I could live my life completely in the air if I wanted to! And it was what I did want. My thirst for knowledge paired beautifully with my love of travel and I could chart any course and go anywhere and learn anything I wanted when I wanted. I knew what my life would be. That was until I met Emily.
"I hadn't realized how much sharing the joys of sharing one's life with another person could be until I found myself in her presence nearly every day. She was a fascinating woman and very knowledgeable and well read. She was always happy to hear about places and things I've seen. In turn, I was happy to listen to her talk about her novels and things she'd learned in her studies and we shared deep, intellectual conversations. We became fast friends, but I knew it was more than that. I found myself waking every day with her in my thoughts. She had quickly become someone I had to keep in my life and she seemed to fit perfectly somehow. I felt alive in a new, different way.
"Of course it was perfectly possible for me to have a wife and live my life too. After all, I had grown up watching the love between my uncle and aunt and they had married young as well. My uncle was gone most of the time; home during Summers and occasionally throughout the year for important holidays and still does it to this day. And every time they are together, you can see the love and happiness they share together. It's as clear as day. And they are more in love than the day they married. And even then, I knew it. So I knew I could make it work with Emily if she were willing. Of course, fate would have it that I found out that Emily was due to return home and would be leaving the capitol the following week. It would be a long time before we would see each other in person. After all, she didn't live in a major port and I was due to start my first trip as captain soon. I was expecting to subject myself to written correspondence with her. But when I saw that forlorn look in her eyes and how she admitted that she'd miss seeing my face? Well, what else could I do but ask her to marry me?"
Vincent blinked and tears slid down his cheeks in memory of Emily as he saw her in her bridal gown and how she'd glowed that day. "We were happy. I knew my life would be perfect. Emily understood me and the expectations of my life. No, we wouldn't be together every day but we'd see each other more often than if she was going back to her hometown. She was happy and eager to get our lives started together. She'd made friends with my cousins and had her own cousin in town as well. She'd have a happy life here and once we had children, her days would be more joyful. She was looking forward to becoming a mother one day."
How wonderful Vincent made it seem! Of course, Aiden knew how this story would end. But it was important, he realized, for Vincent to talk about this...about her and their life. Something told him he'd not told this story before. Not like this. Aiden felt his heart go out to Vincent and he continued to listen to Vincent's story.
"As you can imagine, it was a very short engagement and a small wedding. I'd gotten us a place big enough for us and a little one for when we were ready. With all the excitement of a ball held in my honor, wooing my lady, and becoming a husband, I'd taken time off from work for quite some time. But it was time for me to get back into the swing of life and provide for my wife and our home together. So the day finally came where Damien and I were to set off for our first cargo trip on Leon's Claw. And that's when she gave me this."
Vincent leaned over and reached for the compass and brought it to his lap and opened it up. He held it along with the picture frame and just stared for a long moment. Aiden gazed at the compass over Vincent's shoulder with new appreciation. He'd noticed the slight smoothness of the spots where Vincent's fingers had rubbed it when he'd repaired it a few months ago. It was a well loved piece to have so much wear in such a short amount of time. And he'd certainly not forgotten Vincent's distraught expression when it had broken.
"'Though pleas`d to see the dolphins play, I mind my compass and my way,'" * Vincent recited the inscription inside the compass. "She said that it was to help me remember to stay my course; to seek to enjoy life and all it has to offer and to always help me find my way home. She was worried I'd find it silly and corny but I loved her for it."
"It was a thoughtful gift."
"It really is. I was touched."
Vincent closed the compass and held it tight in his hand for a long moment. He licked his lips and then glanced up at Aiden who gave him a small encouraging smile. But Vincent saw that something was off about Aiden and how he was smiling. A small part of him wanted to turn and reassure Aiden...but what was there to reassure him about? He wasn't sure what was wrong but he just seemed a little...despondent. Perhaps it was because he knew it was a sad story? Or was there something else bothering him?
"So what happened next?" Aiden inquired softly, not realizing that Vincent was reading him so well. Vincent gazed at him for another long moment, blinking a couple of times as he allowed himself to tuck this mental inquiry about Aiden away to think about later.
"What happened next? Well, I started my new life as Captain. I felt like I was living my best life! I was having a grand time with one of my best friends and got to live my dream every day. It was everything I hoped it would be. Though, I admit that for somewhat selfish reasons, we didn't stray too far from home." Vincent chuckled slightly to himself which drew a small smirk from Aiden. "Damien was pretty annoyed with me, I think. I had made him wait and wait while I courted my wife and then we were only gone not even a full two months before we came home again. And that's when I found out that I was to become a father." Aiden could see the joy through the sadness and tears that were forming in Vincent's eyes.
"Six months or so later my daughter was born: Lily. She...she had my eyes and hair and her mother's nose and mouth. Lily was so small but she was healthy and perfect. She was my pride and joy." The tears spilled down Vincent's face as he let out a soft sob and yet he still managed a bittersweet smile as he gazed up at Aiden. "I wish I could show you...she was so beautiful and sweet. She never cried and loved being held. I never realized that I could be that happy. And then...then much too soon it was time for me to go."
And here Vincent's smile faded and he drew his knees up a little and his shoulders sunk. His gaze returned to the photograph. Aiden knew what was going to happen next. This was where Vincent's world would be ripped from him.
"There had been talk of illness in neighboring countries with major air and sea ports. In my line of work, I was at risk but it wasn't like I could stop with a family to provide for. And we lived in a city of massive commerce. She was scared of never seeing me again but I still chose to go."
Beside him, Aiden felt his heart suddenly clench even worse. He remembered all too well when that happened just over three years ago. There had been rumors and people were scared. But it never seemed to come and people began to wonder if maybe it was just a hoax. Then suddenly it hit with ferocity everywhere that had air and sea ports, rumored to have come thanks to commerce and the critters that resided on the ships. Aiden's hometown was a city of commerce and sure enough it had claimed many lives there including that of his own mother who was prone to illness more easily than others.
"It was the hardest farewell I'd ever had to make," Vincent continued painfully. "I kissed my wife and baby and went on my way." Vincent inhaled deeply and let it out sharply before swallowing hard and gave a small nod. Aiden had a feeling he was having to push himself to keep talking at this point.
"Then 'this,'" Vincent grumbled and gestured aggressively towards his blind and damaged eye, "happened." He inhaled slowly and deeply through his nostrils as fresh tears began to pool in his eyes. "While Damien and I were recovering, news came that the capitol had been ravaged by the illness; especially in the poorer parts of town. I prayed that my family would be safe, all of them. But then that's when I got the letter from Emily. Our little Lily was sick, but it had been dated a couple of weeks earlier! I wanted to get home right away but no one was flying or sailing out; especially to the capitol. And, of course, mail was not getting out nearly as quickly anymore.
"We weren't far from here but it wasn't close at all if you traveled on land. And, of course, Leon's Claw needed repairs and Damien had suffered a severe trauma with losing his arm saving me. I was stuck! It took a week to get the proper repairs done so I could fly home myself. Thankfully Damien was fitted for his arm and I could get home to my wife and daughter! I prayed to whatever powers may be that Lily would be okay. I STILL hadn't heard from anyone even though I'd sent letters! Not Emily, my cousins, nor my aunt. Nothing. All I knew was my baby was sick! And when we arrived at the capitol, my cousin Abigail was waiting for me. I knew it the moment I saw it was her waiting there for me; not Emily. I was too late!"
At this point, Vincent was just letting it all out. Now that he was talking and crying, he just couldn't seem to stop! Aiden felt like he couldn't breathe as his heart kept breaking more and more for Vincent.
"It wasn't only my little Lily that I'd lost! I'd lost Emily, too! Emily died the day before I arrived home and Lily three days before! It's not fair! I lost them BOTH!!! Lily and Emily died ALONE while I was stuck two cities away! I wasn't there with them! She asked me to stay but I didn't! What kind of a man am I?! I should have stayed!"
Aiden cried silently beside Vincent as he gazed at the distraught man. What could he say? What could he do? What could possibly console Vincent with something as heartbreaking as this?
So this was why Vincent had spoken to him the way he had when they had met, Aiden realized. He was remembering as he repaired the compass Vincent had spoken to him about Aiden's convictions and determination to leave home. Vincent had tried to convince him that it would be better to stay home with his family. But Aiden had been determined that he wanted this. The feelings and reasonings that Aiden had come back with that had apparently convinced Vincent to hire him seemed like they would be something the late Emily would have encouraged. And quite possibly, it seemed, Vincent had seen a bit of himself in Aiden at the time.
Aiden swallowed hard as the realizations hit him. It took him a minute but he finally got his thoughts together before he spoke softly.
"But at least you have that final memory of them. Of kissing them goodbye and-"
"NO! I DON'T! Just...don't even! You have NO idea!"
Aiden had jumped at Vincent's strangled, sudden outburst! Then Vincent suddenly gave a wrenched sob as he pressed his hands to his face and sobbed even harsher than Aiden had heard thus far. Seconds later, he wrapped his arms around his knees and pulled them quite painfully towards his chest. In his agonized state of being, as well as the intoxication from the bhang, Vincent didn't care about the physical pain flaring to life in his abdomen! Aiden wanted to stop him but right now he didn't dare say or do anything as he stared wide eyed at Vincent.
"You just don't know, Aiden!" Lifting his gaze, he stared up into Aiden's eyes desperately. Aiden had the impression that Vincent was almost pleading with him to understand.
"I wanted to remember them forever like that. Of my wife's smile and my daughter looking so perfect in her arms as I kissed them farewell. I would have that memory and all our happy memories to sustain me. I felt like I was in a daze as I made my way home. Then that's...that's when..."
Vincent closed his eyes and tears slid down his cheeks as the memory came back so painful and fresh as if it happened just yesterday. When he opened them, he was gazing back at Aiden and continued, this time his voice more calm but every bit as heart-wrenching as he said in a near whisper, "I came home as their bodies were being carried out of the building and tossed onto the cart with the other corpses. And the workers they...they just were talking so casually about them and the way they tossed their bodies onto the pile I- I just-"
And he cut himself off and buried his face in his knees and sobbed. He found that he just couldn't stop. Beside him, Aiden sat in shock as all this unfolded. Vincent was inconsolable, but he needed this. Who knew how long he'd kept this torment inside? Surely, he'd never broken down like this before! This seemed too fresh. Aiden wasn't sure what to say to any of that. What could someone say to that?
"And every time I sleep, the dreams always end the same way! I kiss them goodbye and then I see their corpses like that! EVERY! TIME! And I know how alone she was! How miserable and scared she must have been! I should have been there with them! What did I do to deserve this?! I don't want to do this anymore, Aiden! I should have died with them! I don't want to be here anymore! I want to die but I'm too much of a coward to end it all myself!"
And suddenly Vincent was wrapped in the warmth of Aiden's strong embrace before he was gently but firmly held close.
"Shh...shh..."
"Let go!"
At first Vincent started to push him off, but as he felt Aiden's hand come to cup the back of his head, he felt all his walls break down as he allowed himself to lean against Aiden's chest and actually clung to his shirt. The sobs came all over again, but this time they just did not stop coming. Aiden simply held him and pressed his nose and lips to the top of Vincent's head and closed his eyes. He didn't know what else to do but let him get it all out.
Some time had passed. Neither man had paid attention to the time, but eventually Vincent's sobs quieted and he hiccupped as he just leaned against Aiden in a quiet daze as he came down from all that. Aiden gently slid his hand down and rubbed Vincent's back. He wasn't in a hurry to let Vincent out of his arms right now. Once Vincent's breathing was back to normal, Aiden lifted his head and pressed his chin gently atop his head.
"I'm glad you're here, Vincent," he told him softly. "I'd miss you terribly if you were gone."
"Bet you wouldn't miss days like this."
"I'd not be anywhere else."
"You can't really mean that."
"Look at me."
And Vincent did. He sniffed and lifted his head from Aiden's chest and gazed up into his eyes. In a slightly bold move, Aiden reached up and gently brushed away Vincent's tears before stating calmly, "I'd not be anywhere else but here. I will always be here no matter what; whether that be a shoulder to lean on or-... or if you need a poking to lighten up and laugh once in a while. You are important to me, Vincent. You're my best friend."
Vincent's eyes widened and he felt his stomach flutter to life with butterflies. Aiden must truly feel strongly about their bond! Of course, Vincent knew of friendships like this. He had a small group of people he trusted and he was so thankful that Aiden was part of that circle now. And he had to admit that he loved that Aiden could speak his thoughts so freely with him and threw caution and vulnerability to the wind. And Vincent felt like he could as well and it felt liberating each and every time. He felt more free to do so around Aiden than...well, he couldn't even remember!
"You're one of my closest friends too. I'm lucky to have you in my corner, Aiden. I don't know what I did to deserve you. but thank you."
"Of course. I'll always have your back. Always."
Aiden wanted to tell Vincent the truth of his romantic feelings. He truly did. However, he knew that right now was not the time for it; especially not after Vincent's awful breakdown over his dearly missed wife. And as for Aiden, when he'd asked Vincent to talk about Emily, he hadn't expected to compare himself to her the way he unintentionally had. It was hard not to feel a touch of doubt considering he wanted to win Vincent's heart, himself. Aiden and Emily were quite different people. Would Vincent even want him, a man? Would he be open to finding love again to begin with?
Aiden still had every intention of wooing Vincent and telling him the truth one day. He just needed to go about things differently now that he understood how deeply Vincent was hurting.
However, Vincent still needed him as his friend, so romance was not an option right now, but perhaps one day, Aiden thought. He'd just have to be part of his life and hopefully one day things would work out so that Vincent would come to feel he needed Aiden the same way that Aiden needed him.
A very short time later once Vincent was more settled, Aiden released him from his arms and they moved back into the positions they had been in before Bernadette's departure. Vincent was grateful for Aiden's help shifting around before the young man settled in, himself. Vincent had wrenched his body around during his breakdown and now his ribs ached badly. Though thankfully soon after, he wasn't even paying attention to anything else but his new book as his body settled down from all the excitement and the pain became more bearable again.
When Bernadette returned from her errands, she found the men where she'd left them: content and happy beside each other with Vincent nose-deep into his book and Aiden scribbling in his notebook. And she thought silently to herself with a smile, 'Is it just me or are they sitting closer than before?'
At one point very soon after, Vincent needed a moment of privacy to use the bedpan. But as soon as he was done and the bedpan cleaned? Well Aiden was back on the bed beside his best friend and enjoying his company. But what really gave Aiden a reason to smile was when Vincent actually refrained from opening his book and turned to ask Aiden what he was doing in his notebook.
"I'm designing upgrades for Pete!"
"Pete?"
"Pete the Spider Lantern! You met him already."
"Wait. Are you talking about that lantern that came with you to find me?"
"That's the one!"
And that was when Aiden launched into an explanation about Pete and showed him the sketches he'd made of Pete with little added parts to enhance him. Vincent had almost forgotten about the lantern that had come to the tower with Aiden. He remembered now that Aiden had come back from one of his shopping trips a while back with the lantern and declared that he had a project he wanted to work on with it. That was the last Vincent had seen or heard of it until last week when Aiden came to rescue him with it as at his side.
A couple of minutes later there was a knock at the front door to which Bernadette went to answer it. She wasn't expecting anyone else today so who could it be? Surely, not Damien. It was Aiden's turn this evening to babysit Vincent with her tonight. However, it DID turn out to be Damien after all and in his arms were two bags of groceries!
"Damien! We weren't expecting you but thank you! You're spoiling us." She grinned up at him and closed the door behind him.
"You're welcome. And what do you mean? I'm helping out with dressings tonight, remember?"
"Oh!" She paused as she reached to help with the groceries as she thought about it, arms outstretched. "Wait...are you sure?"
At that second, there was a burst of laughter from the other room that belonged to Aiden. Damien glanced towards the room then looked back at Bernadette with a slight smirk and handed her both bags and replied, "Of course I am! You must be tired. Don't worry, Bernie. I'm sure you'll be able to catch up on rest soon." Damien patted her on the shoulder and turned to head towards the bedroom to see what was going on in there.
Bernadette blinked and stood there with the bags of groceries as she stared at his departing backside. She opened her mouth then closed it before looking at the weighty bags in her arms. Feeling a bit confused and a touch irritated, she turned and made her way towards the kitchen and grumbled, "Asshole."
Then a moment later...
"What do you think you're doing?!"
Aiden jumped and blinked as he looked up and around to see who shouted. It was Damien at the door and he looked pretty upset! Why was Damien here anyway? Today was his day off, wasn't it? Aiden opened his mouth but beside him, Vincent was faster to respond with a slightly stern tone, "What's the problem?"
Damien kept his eyes on Aiden and elaborated, "You shouldn't be on the bed! What if Vincent gets hurt worse because of your jostling!"
"Damien, I'm fine!" Vincent cut in before Aiden could even respond and rolled his eyes with a chuckle. "Relax! Here, have some bhang tea."
"I don't want tea!"
Damien scowled and folded his arms over his chest as he glared at the two of them. Vincent narrowed his eyes at Damien and sat up a bit straighter and gave him an even stare. Beside him, Aiden shrank where he sat. He wasn't going to get in the middle of this.
"What's really the problem?"
"I already told you!"
"No, you didn't but fine. Do you trust me?"
"Vincent-"
"Do. You. Trust. Me?"
"Well, yes, but-"
"Then trust me when I say I am fine! I'm not fragile! And in case you haven't noticed, Damien, I can handle a little bit of jostling." Vincent sarcastically gestured towards his beaten body. Then after a moment his gaze softened and he smiled a bit as he gestured towards Aiden's notebook. "Besides, Aiden is showing me his sketches! And he brought me a present! See?"
Instead of looking at whatever Vincent was holding up, Damien's gaze shifted towards Aiden who went a deep shade of red and brought his hand up to run through his hair with a shy chuckle and smile. Damien stared at him for a long moment before turning to look at what Vincent was holding out to him impatiently. Upon seeing what it was, Damien scoffed and chuckled, "Another book. Heh. Well, isn't that nice of him?"
Aiden blinked and made a slight face as he was feeling a little offended. And honestly? A little surprised. 'Another book?' he wanted to ask. Did he not know his own supposed best friend enough to know how much he loved and valued books? Surely, he had to! But even Aiden (who didn't enjoy novels the way Vincent did either) understood and appreciated what it meant to the man. And thankfully, it seemed, Vincent was of the same mind and jumped in his defense!
"It is, in fact! Look at it! Look! See who it's by?!" Vincent exclaimed eagerly with a grin. "It just released today!" In his excitement, Vincent had already brushed aside the intensity of Damien's arrival. He was used to Damien's worrywart personality by now and wanted to show off his present!
Aiden however, hadn't brushed it off yet. He knew he'd get over it, but right now he was still feeling a little sour towards Damien. 'What's with this guy?' he wondered silently as he watched Damien approach and ruin their alone time.
Damien finally took a seat on the chair beside Vincent. Even though he was looking at Vincent and listening to what he was saying, his mind was processing what he'd happened upon and the realizations that came with it.
So, Vincent had a brand new book and he hadn't shoved Aiden out the door? Not only that, he wasn't nose deep into it like Damien was used to him doing. His experiences had always taught him that Vincent liked to be left alone while reading, especially with a new book. So, why the Hell was Aiden allowed to be here? Damien certainly wasn't allowed to be! And wasn't this the second time Aiden had brought him a gift?
...was there something else going on between them that he didn't know about?
* "Though pleas`d to see the dolphins play, I mind my compass and my way." - Matthew Green
Inscription on the 'Madpea Compass' by MadPea which you can find on Marketplace!
---
Shout out to Stephen King and his book 'Carrie' for inspiring the book that Emily and Vincent were discussing during their meet-cute!
...
NEXT PART:
www.flickr.com/photos/153660805@N05/52441785152/in/datepo...
To start from the beginning or to read another chapter, here's the album link:
www.flickr.com/photos/153660805@N05/albums/72157717075565127
***Please note this is a BOY LOVE (BL/yaoi/gay) series. It is a slow burn and rated PG13!***
***
Special thank you to Vin Aydin Raven-Mysterious for collaborating with me on this series and co-starring as The Captain!
And a special thank you to our guest star: Khetas Nova as our spunky Emily Dubois!
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“Beauty of whatever kind, in its supreme development, invariably excites the sensitive soul to tears.”
– Edgar Allan Poe
If you keep watching, you'll find what you're looking for. #closeup #macro #softfocus #portrait #photography #Capture #Saturated #Fascinating #DigitalPhotography #Nice
charcoal, spray paint, copper nails, limewood offcuts, soft pastel & found objects on board // 12.5X14.75" // youtu.be/i90EMCj98es
Matera is known for its underground housings, including palaces and churches dug in the stone. However, there are also many small buildings crouching in the burning sun of South Italy. But there are also many small buildings huddled close together in the burning sun of southern Italy. The standard of living was very low and people were moved to new buildings on the outskirts of the city in 1952. Restoration began in the 1980s and was not yet complete when we came to the city in 1991.
(Vintage, June 1991; Nikon FM2, on Fujichrome 100)
That's Bart on the left, with his sister, Lisa. They were adopted from St. Croix three years ago via www.realcruzancats.org.
Zum Lichte des Verstandes können wir immer gelangen; aber die Fülle des Herzens kann uns niemand geben. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Foto+Bea: www.facebook.com/unplugged.photo
Model: Anja