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Bikini Thoughts - Kneeling: Godox V1 rear left and right with umbrellas. Godox AD200 in octogonal softbox above left for main light, above right in 30x120 softbox for fill.
Coral & Confidence: A bright, high-key studio portrait with an easy summer feel. Soft light keeps the skin tones natural and flattering, while the coral swimwear adds a warm pop of color against the clean white background. Relaxed, confident, and effortless.
Shot on a Pentax K-1 with diffused Godox lighting.
I’m always fascinated with the stream of Consciousness that happens during these ArtQuests. Images shift, sometimes disappear making room for new ideas to arise, nothing is fixed, it is a dance… an expansion with new insights… It started with the second image… a memory of a movie scene flashes…
#2
In the true story movie “Patch Adams”, Robin Williams character finds himself in a psychiatric ward during an existential crisis. His life is turned around when a fellow patient, once known to be a genius tells him to hold up his hand and tell him how many fingers he sees. Ater many attempts, Patch finally understands that the answer is not always in what you see before you but in what is possible to be seen before you. Patch Adams goes on to revolutionalize medical care for thousands of people by seeing in this way. I was reflecting on this while sketching the moving hand in my notebook. Out of one hand became two…
#1
We live in such a beautiful world, such magnificent wonders and yet there is so much isolation and disconnection, so much pain and confusion, lack of fulfillment…
#3
Another world appears and now thought reaches between worlds…through the power of observation…Who is the Observer? Where does one world begin and the other end?
#4
“Slaves of the Information Age”… “Perception, organized, identified”… separated from the actual experiences by windows… Hands extend holding a fragile butterfly …a breakthrough…like seeing a new number of fingers… wings…
#5
The inner theater appears…the birthing, the mountaintop moments, the song arising from the unknown, no walls …there is a breakthrough …breaking away from the masses…a recognition… delight…
#6
The realization of the glorious inner life as a part of the outer life… a place that vibrates with the living direct experience…that is the breakaway…the reintegration of the opulent emotional well of Being…I Am everything and every thing is I… It is beyond the realm of the mind … Life pulsates the reminder again and again…
No matter what you choose to do in life, I think that it's important to feed your brain. It's important to surround yourself with people who are in similar disciplines but have different perspectives. It's important to attend conferences and workshops that dive deeper than technique - the ones that ask the deeper question of why?
Lately, I'd been experiencing a bit of a lull in my work. I felt like my work didn't have a particular unique style or felt original. After hearing so many times your work looks like this person's, I began to pull back. I began feeling like "what's the point?" No one looks at my work and says, "that is so Anna Bruce" - yet.
But I'm fueled. I'm fired up because during yesterday's Promoting Passion event, I began to understand that I'm just scratching the surface of my potential and capability. That in order to create something that is truly you, you have to experiment more, ask what you love about an image or work of art and how can you make it "you", go to museums and be inspired by what's around you. Most importantly, I learned to be aware of words that describe you and your personality. For me: bold and dramatic are words that describe me and those are words that I want to describe my work. It's a start.
I was also kindly reminded that it takes time. 10 years to be at a place where your work is more defined, people know you and you're not sinking under water. I knew this but being reminded, gave me the exact fuel I needed to keep going.
Where do you stand with your work?
This weekend the mood to spend time as a woman was very strong. Typically, for me anyway, I had no opportunity to actually fulfil my enthusiasm. My usual coping method is to browse my pictures sand videos recorded in previous sessions where I became a woman.
I've been musing recently on how my approach has shifted and that I no longer feel I'm a man dressing up when I become Helene but I'm a woman. Technically, I am a man using make-up, shaving off body hair, wigs, body shaping aids, wearing female clothing and changing my posture, thinking and behaviour. I feel I now become a woman and the man is no more.
Some may accuse me of delusion, I've even been told I have a mental illness. I don't see it that way at all. I acknowledge I'm not a cisgender woman but I adore women, I admire them and Helene is an homage to them. I seek to honour them not parody them. When I align physically and in my mind with Helene I feel I've become her, she is a female to me. She is me and I feel free.
Most men have no desire to present as a female but there are many who do. It's a life long struggle for many of us that have these desires. I admire those who accepted themselves at a young age and are out there being girls in their teens and young women. I dreamed of it and dressed as a girl in private as a teenager and felt pure joy when I was female. I wanted to head out as one of the girls. Back then many girls were rather cruel to me if they found out and gave me a hard time. Not many were supportive.
I genuinely have regrets that I let my fears dominate me and I missed out on years of spending part of my life as a woman. I did not seek to transition but I did want to spend time being female. I dreamed of the freedom to be either gender. Some days I was okay being a man and on others I was keen to become a woman. This has been referred to as gender fluidity and I suppose thats a description that fits.
I'm older now and cannot escape the past. I suppressed my desires to spend time as a woman through fear of discovery but I now need to go forward. The bottom line is enjoy and feel good being a woman, so much so that when I'm Helene I do forget I'm a man! It no longer scares me, I feel I'm now finally unlocking my full persona. I am both man and woman and the woman needs to be alive now and again.
Physically those who are hostile to and despise men such as me who say they become female are judging me on my birth gender and physicality. There is no empathy to ones feelings and inner desire to fully express themselves in a way that is their inner truth.
My inner truth is I need my female self to live, not all of the time I admit, but she does need to be real and exist, thats all I seek. For this though I can receive condemnation. The truth I realise this desire I have is not going to go away. I have no idea why it exists within me but it has been lifelong. When I become Helene it is always the most amazing, incredible and joyous experience. I love that she is a part of me. I cherish her
Dress: Max Studio
Cardigan: Gap
Shoes: Charles David
Cameo: Vintage from the Rose Bowl Flea market in LA
Earrings: Vintage from OhFaro.etsy.com
Blogged here: elsita.typepad.com/thehiddenseed/2009/03/pink.html#comments
Blogged here: elsita.typepad.com/thehiddenseed/2009/08/mini-dress.html
Dress: Forever 21
Shoes: Anthropologie
Headband: Anthropologie
Bracelet: Gift from Bill
Bikini Thoughts - Kneeling: Malibu Strings Labor Day sale pickup. Godox V1 rear left and right with umbrellas. Godox AD200 in octogonal softbox above left for main light, above right in 30x120 softbox for fill.
Blogged here: elsita.typepad.com/thehiddenseed/2009/11/a-paper-bird.htm...
Dress and sunglasses : Vintage
Boots: Fluevog
Beret: Nordstrom
Tights: Target
Smoldering: Portrait: A portrait forged in light; golden rim, red underlight, and direct front fill. The combination creates a moody, intimate ambiance, highlighting natural expression and subtle textures.
Skirt: H&M
Top: Lucky Brand
Shoes: Lower East Side
Belt: Ambassador Roberta
Bracelet: Handmade by me
Blogged here: elsita.typepad.com/thehiddenseed/2009/03/bridge.html
She’s clearly very shy….
Seriously though, that smile is radiant.
25th Annual How Wɘird Street Faire, 21 September, 2024.
Howard Street, San Francisco, CA.
The 25th Annual How Wɘird Street Faire is less than a week away -- it happens this coming Saturday (May the Fourth be with you).*
Taken at 24th Annual How Wɘird Street Faire, 14 October, 2023.
Howard Street, San Francisco, CA.
Artwork by Lord “Nychos” the Weird.
Undead Dragon? Bat? Both? And by “both” I mean that bats (along with dinosaurs, of course) are on the suspect list for dragon sightings. At least Western ones… I mean — look at those wings.
===================
*How Wɘird has been postponed until 21 September, due to dangerous weather on the originally-planned date (Star Wars Day: May the Fourth). I was looking forward to the costumes.
© Stephan Telm / Dragonbreath Press
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Blogged here: elsita.typepad.com/thehiddenseed/2009/08/vintage-purse.html
Pants: H&M
Shirt: Forever 21
Shoes: Mod Cloth
Belt: Handmade
Purse: Vintage
"..I'm surrounded by saints
calm faces cover the lies
I see my end in their eyes..
I know I'm playing with fire
a selfish being full of desire
to disregard the rules of the Sire.."
I have spread my dreams under your feet; tread softly, because you tread on my dreams.
A long expoure shot. The colors are origional only adjusted levels and curves. Used flash in rear curtain mode with Cyan filter and played with the white balance in Camera
Dress: Ellen Tracy
Shoes: Linea Paolo
Earrings: Vintage from the Rose Bowl Flea Market here in LA
Blogged here: elsita.typepad.com/thehiddenseed/2009/03/river.html#comments
Twelve a Year: February
"you don't owe me anything. just go" - By Bradley Cae (poet)
Started a group on Flickr for those who would like to join the "Twelve a Year" challenge.
She appears in the dreams of earthly wanderers
Who ache to feel the joy of existence
She assures us that there is nothing to fear
We are never alone
We are here to overcome old habits
Accept the challenges of the modern age
Defeat ignorance and procrastination
There is nothing we cannot imagine
Reach for tremendous heights together
Hear the rhythm of One Sound
We each listen so uniquely
Find our own way of self-expression
We think independent dreams separate us
Until we understand that all happiness
Is one happiness felt in endless ways
Together we experience life
In all its wondrous aspects
With vigilance in our aspirations
We remember:
Place trust in moral re-establishment
In social justice
In the cultivation of personal character
In the sacred feminine
In the innocence of childhood
Respect the sanctity of all life
In the sweet dance of interdependence
In the power of kindness
Ever resonant in the hearts of all
Believe in the infinite possibilities
Awakening in the One Heart
© Ganga Fondan, 2013
Cute little blep. Having a great time.
24th Annual How Wɘird Street Faire, 14 October, 2023.
Howard Street, San Francisco, CA.
Twelve a Year April 2020
Started a group on Flickr for those who would like to join the "Twelve a Year" challenge.
✨Are we being our truest selves to our loved ones and do they create a safe space for us to do so?✨
Full Blog: www.fiercelypowerful.com/masquerade/
One of the faces in the incredible throng of people who participated in the Women's March on New York.
Blogged here: elsita.typepad.com/thehiddenseed/2009/09/wavy-hair.html#c...
Top: Banana Republic
Skirt: Love stitch
Shoes: Fluevog
Belt: Nordstrom
What sets you free? How will you create from a place of pure “youness”?
(Full blog: www.photographythrive.com/roses-for-the-dead/";
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I am so grateful to Mrs. Death (as weird as that sounds) because the project of bringing her to life has – in its own way – set me free. There was something so incredibly liberating out of creating with a set prop and just letting your imagination run 100% completely wild. The best part is that I set aside my personal fears of judgement, tucked my head down and just created. At four images so far, Mrs. Death has taken a life of her own. She is dramatic, quirky, slightly humorous and caring. Just because she comes for those who are dying does not mean that she does not honor or respect the dead.
“Roses for the Dead” was created from a place of honoring those who’ve died and especially those who have passed with no one to mourn them. Mrs. Death comes to seek the dead with a red rose to honor their human lives.
I hope to be able to continue this project throughout the year. As a little girl, I have always had an interest in skulls and skeletons. I am grateful that my Mom never tried to change my interests or make me feel like something was wrong with me. Later on, I was judged for wearing my skeleton hoodie in July – someone walked up to me and told me that it wasn’t Halloween yet with a tone of slight disgust. I’ve never truly cared about such things but this person caught me during a vulnerable moment where that comment was like a seed planted in my heart. Basically, it was not okay to be 100% me – just the part that doesn’t weird people out is ok. Well, I am here to tell you (five or so years later) that being 100% me is the best feeling in this world and Mrs. Death has shown that to me.
Be free, be weird and most importantly be fiercely you because no one out there will ever come close.
I'm tired of waiting, waiting for the time to come... but I still hoping that you will be there...
Vivitar UWS | Efiniti UXi 200
Kolej 17, UPM, Serdang, Selangor~
Press L for best view
A farewell tribute to 2008. There was some bad yet there was really a great deal of good! Here's hoping 2009 tops it!
And much like many dog fights… the little one started it.
24th Annual How Wɘird Street Faire, 14 October, 2023.
Howard Street, San Francisco, CA.
Blogged here: elsita.typepad.com/thehiddenseed/
Dress: Anthropologie
Shoes: White mt.
Belt: From Nordstrom
Blogged: elsita.typepad.com/thehiddenseed/2009/07/big-hair-big-blo...
Skirt: Anthropologie
Blouse: Forever 21
Boots: Fluevog
Cameo pin: Handmade by me