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The riddle gets solved
And you push me up to
This state of emergency
How beautiful to be
State of emergency
Is where I want to be
Emotional landscapes
They puzzle me
The riddle gets solved
And you push me up to
This state of emergency
How beautiful to be
State of
Emergency.
Joga
---Bjork
Everything within me turns rapist
Everything turns saint
The spit and the blood
And your longing for god
Have lost all meaning now
And I offered myself to the night
In a spray of blossoms red and white
And I took my seat among the depraved
Like a choir boy
Like a returning faith
A race of demons
A race of thieves
Is asking for shelter
Is waiting for me
For we love to betray
In bursts of grief and laughter
For we servants must answer
The call of the blood today
Does that make you sufficient unto yourself?
Der Brandtaucher
---Rome
This is an older out take photo-sort of--just a place holder really.
Only reason I uploaded it is because I ended up with an odd number of pics
to upload in this batch-and needed to throw in another to make it even.
Oh well--this will ease me into the two new Borderlands pics I'm working on.
V.
(And after all this time, I'm seriously starting to think
that just maybe my shape is a little too big.
Sometimes some poses will throw my clothes or attachments off--
even when I have them at a larger size.
And/or I often spend way too much time modifying something to fit.
I don't want a little twinkie boy shape nor a huge muscular one.
I do like the one I usually wear-even if I have some issues--
but maybe this one is still a tad over the top.
damn.
As if I need to do anymore shopping around.)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltun92DfnPY
For me, I see this as way more than a denouncement of bullying.
So many other things are said here that really speak to me---of me.
The music's nice
but I need a better mirror.
V.
Maybe it's a sign of weakness, when I don't know what to say
Maybe I just wouldn't know what to do with my strength anyway
We Belong
---Pat Benatar
Yes, I have a Pat Benatar playlist as well.
I used to love Love Is A Battlefield
and We Belong. I think those came out when we lived in Germany.
Also, I love Heartbreaker, Invincible and her version of Wuthering Heights
but my favorite song by her is Don't Walk Away.
I know she stresses that I won't be alone
but I always seem to find myself that way.
V.
From a city that's recession-hit
With stress n****s could flex metal with, peddle to rake pennies in
Desolate testaments trying to stay Jekyll-ish
But most n****s Hyde, and Brenda just stay pregnant
Breaking news: death's less important when the Lakers lose
It's lead in that baby food, heads try to make it through
Fish-netted legs for them eyes that she cater to
Ride dirty as the fucking sky that you praying to
So here I sit, eye in the pyramid
God spit it like it's truth serum in that beer and then
Disappear again, reappear bearded
On top of a lear, steering it into the kids' ear again
Provider of the backdrop music.
Hive
---Earl Sweatshirt
From a city that's recession-hit
With stress n****s could flex metal with, peddle to rake pennies in
Desolate testaments trying to stay Jekyll-ish
But most n****s Hyde, and Brenda just stay pregnant
Breaking news: death's less important when the Lakers lose
It's lead in that baby food, heads try to make it through
Fish-netted legs for them eyes that she cater to
Ride dirty as the fucking sky that you praying to
So here I sit, eye in the pyramid
God spit it like it's truth serum in that beer and then
Disappear again, reappear bearded
On top of a lear, steering it into the kids' ear again
Provider of the backdrop music.
Hive
---Earl Sweatshirt
I have been playing The Witness.
And, while enjoying the scenery and wandering around a bit,
have mostly been banging my dumb head
against the aggravating puzzles.
While I am glad someone finally made a great (console)(spiritual) successor to Myst and Obsidian,
I am not pleased to discover I that I am not very bright.
I'm not even that far into the game
and there have already been two locations where I could not even begin the section
because I couldn't even figure out the first damn puzzle.
And since the puzzles
(at least the ones I've come across so far)
are mostly sequential, you have to figure out the
key/pattern that will help you progress
and unlock the cable to the next puzzle.
Sounds simple doesn't it?
Well, it's anything but that.
What, for the love of God,
do the squares inside the squares mean??
I can't figure that one out and it's shown up again
when I peeked into another area.
So far I've completed the entry garden,
the little bunker outside the garden,
that symmetry/boat house area,
the desert ruins area
(except for puzzle that opens the bunker door by the sea)
the pink orchard,
and the two puzzle installations before the pink orchard.
Now that I'm writing this I think I've only activated two lasers.
Oh--I did get the windmill going--
which I noticed has a puzzle on it's face
and which I'm sure will haunt me later-
but that area underneath with the video--is bizarre.
I wasn't able to solve any of those puzzles.
I did solve two puzzles in--shit-
I don't where or what the area is called
but--whatever--I've stopped playing for now.
I would sit there after work staring at the screen so long
trying to figure out a pattern/path
and would eventually feel what energy I had left
just fade right out of me.
I kept nodding out.
So I bought Call of Duty: Black Ops III.
I'll be battling rouge operatives
and storming enemy camps in Singapore at night.
And during the day (on the weekends)
I'll wrestle with The Witness--
on the island of mind bending puzzles--
since I'll be armed with fresh coffee
and a clear head from a full night's sleep.
Arisen.
After a thousand years.
-----
In the hour of darkness
Our worlds collide
Assailed by madness
That has plagued our lives
At the point of departure
On the eve of despair
Your recourse to reason
Seems to make no sense at all.
The light of hope
Shines in your eyes
Dementia has gone
Purged from inside.
Advent
---Dead Can Dance
I close my eyes and I keep seeing things:
Rainbow waterfalls,
Sunny liquid dreams.
Confusion creeps inside me rainin' down;
Got to get to you,
But I don't know how.
Call me, call me,
Let me know it's all right.
Call me, call me,
Don'cha think it's 'bout time?
Please won't you call and...
Ease my mind?
Reasons... for me to find you.
Peace of mind
What can I do...
...to get me to you?
I had your number quite some time ago,
Back when we were young,
But I had to go.
Ten thousand years I've searched it seems and now,
Got to get to you,
Won't you tell me how?
Call me, call me,
Let me know you are there.
Call me, call me,
I wanna know you still care.
C'mon now won't you...
Ease my mind?
Reasons for me to find you
Peace of mind
What can I do...
...to get me to you?
Call Me Call Me
---Steve Conte
Over the years, I've probably seen this particular session of Cowboy Bebop three or four times.
But every time I watch it and get to the end of the episode the same thing happens:
I get super sad and a tad teary eyed. Don't tell anyone.
I can't help it and I can't be the only grown ass man/fan who does.
Most people may have no idea what the hell I'm talking about here but I'll say this:
this episode--the last sequence--the "Bye Bye"--doesn't really have any power over you unless you've been invested in the whole series--seen every episode/Session prior
(there are 26 Sessions total with this particular one being number 24).
Anyway.
I saw it again last Saturday on Toonami
and once again my eyes started watering a little and I got all sad.
I'm already the melancholy introverted sort so stuff like this doesn't really help my mood
(nor does listening to this song over and over--to and from work).
Later, I went to bed thinking of all the other lonely misfits-
wandering the ends of the world--
never finding what's lost.
"See you cowgirl,
Someday, somewhere!"
Vincent
Something sinister to it
Pendulum swinging slow, a degenerate moving
Through the city with criminals, stealth, welcome to enemy turf
Harder than immigrants work, "Golf" is stitched into my shirt
Get up off the pavement
Brush the dirt up off my psyche
Psyche, psyche
Too black for the white kids, and too white for the blacks
From honor roll to cracking locks up off them bicycle racks
I'm indecisive, I'm scatterbrained, and I'm frightened, it's evident
And them eyes where he hiding all them icicles at.
Chum
---Earl Sweatshirt
I copy love really badly
More often than not
All too little I've wanted
An awful lot
So I keep blowing you up
You keep coming apart
It's this dirty big, dirty great
Dirty beating heart
Dirty beating heart
I love my love for you
Dirty beating heart
String me along
Dirty beating heart
You are like naked cable
You're stale, unstable
Dirty beating heart
My carousel
I'm on the trail of vapours
Down a fancy colonnade
Where ghosts of stories parade
Accept this wanton homage
I love my love for you
I am falling off a mountain without a view
Dirty beating heart
I love my love for you
Dirty beating heart
String me along
Dirty beating heart
You are like naked cable
You're stale, unstable
Dirty beating heart
My carousel
Dirty beating heart
I really need to carry on
Dirty beating heart
I know all too well
Dirty beating heart
Wanton homage
It's given gladly
You copy love so badly
Dirty beating heart
How you string me along
Dirty beating heart
My dirty beating heart
Love my dirty beating dirty beating
Dirty beating dirty beating heart
Dirty Beating Heart
---Luxuria
How can it feel, this wrong
From this moment
How can it feel, this wrong
Storm.. in the morning light
I feel
No more can I say
Frozen to myself
I got nobody on my side
And surely that ain't right
And surely that ain't right
Ohh, can't anybody see
We've got a war to fight
Never found our way
Regardless of what they say
How can it feel, this wrong
From this moment
How can it feel, this wrong
Roads
---Portishead
I have just recently started playing Bloodborne.
And thus far it has been sheer and total Hell.
We won't even talk about
how it took ten million deaths before
I even got past that first wicked werewolf
at the clinic library lounge.
We also won't talk about how
I had to fight the damn beast with my bare hands
because I could not, for the bleeding life of me, figure out how to equip my weapons.
I have never played a game where the supposed simple act
of enabling your gear was not intuitive.
Forget about just clicking them in the top most visible menu.
No. That'd be too easy.
So--after totally winging it and finally beating the werewolf from hell
and Still not having any weapons in my hands,
I broke down and went online to investigate--
only to discover that I have to go down into a fucking sub-menu,
add the chosen weapons to the 1st and 3rd boxes,
and then activate my saw-cleaver and pistol from there?
Seriously???
No wonder I was just using my bare hands.
Anyway--after I got past that fucking werewolf,
I strolled into Yharnam proper
and proceeded to die a billion more deaths.
I could Not even get down the first part of that street
without being chopped to pieces over and over
and over and over and over and over.
I am enjoying it though.
It's scary, dark and mysterious.
Also, the architecture is pleasing and the enemies are intelligent.
Still, after being destroyed at every turn,
I am learning how to navigate and fight better. And run.
I have learned how to run away really fast.
We'll see how it goes.
Again, this is all just the very beginning of the damn game.
I know it's going to get much worse.
Last night, I finally made it to the first boss---
The Cleric Beast.
And Jesus--it's a living screaming nightmare.
I probably won't get past it's abominable ass until January.
p.s.
I wonder if the guy at that first Pink Lamp is interested in maybe being my Romantic interest.
He seems to have a really bad cough but his voice is soothing and sexy as hell.
(I made him give me directions multiple times just so I could listen to him talk).
I mean, I might be an Outsider,
but I am cleaning up his city
by ridding the streets and sewers
of hideously transformed citizens
and monstrous black magick beasts.
The least he could do is let me in
and let me have my way with him.
I've got a couple of things
to help---clear up his cough.