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TwT Hey guys! Sorry for the lack of photos/updates lately. Its been a while so I definitely have a textwall and its kind of filled with a lot of emotions and thoughts so please forgive me ;-;
Unfortunately my time off hasn't really gone the way I'd hoped between cold/rainy inconsistent weather, difficult projects and health problems but i'm doing the best I can all things considered. ;__; I was feeling extremely anxious, dizzy and nauseous for like four days in a row after feeling like I was getting sick before then I started feeling heavy irregular heartbeats that made it very difficult to stay calm, to focus and to sleep. I've never had anything like that happen before so I was super worried it could be signs of a heart attack so I went to the ER the other day to get it checked. It looks like i'm fine but that those feelings were heart palpitations akin to panic attacks which is likely caused by anxiety and further stimulated by caffeine. It could be something even more serious so i'm going to see my regular doctor soon but yeah, its all very scary for me. So I apologize for being not very attentive and distant lately but I've been having a difficult time. I had a lot of projects that I wanted to work on this last month but with how i've been feeling I hardly had the energy or time to work on a lot of them or make videos and take pictures... :c
But anyway, I have been able to work on a few smaller projects that I wanted to at least; one being the new Calliope! ;///O///: And like, omg....I can't. She's just so gorgeous and my gosh this sculpt suits her absolutely perfectly!! Seriously, don't even know how to put into words just how I feel...its like surreal I guess. She looks exactly like i'd hoped she would and exactly like I imagine her character. Part of me is just overflowing with happiness that she's finally back after all this time and she's just as perfect as I was adamant to make her be. Her faceup isn't the greatest or anything but I'm amazed at myself just how well I was able to capture her in it. I couldn't have imagined just how much she would embody her character and how much I would adore her....but part of me wishes that I didn't feel that way because it makes everything that much more frustrating and confusing for me.
As much as I absolutely ADORE her as this sculpt and think there truly is no better representation of her....I can't help but feel that i've been going in the wrong direction with Calliope, Shu and Etzel in their entirety. I wish that I didn't adore her as this sculpt so much because it would have made what I feel is the right thing to do so much easier to go through with.
I've mentioned before that Calliope, Shu and Etzel are "younger" than some of my other characters that I have shelled from their story (namely Faustus and Euclid) and that i've thought the in-between doll size of 35-ish yosd/MSD would suit them much better but when I started working on these characters as dolls that size of doll practically didn't exist. Yosd is definitely too small and immature for the maturity of their characters and in look MSD suits them so well but canonically they look smaller/younger than Faustus/Euclid/Petra etc. so its just so frustrating for me to have them all as MSDs, you know? If Calliope, Shu and Etzel as a trio work well together that means that Calliope and Faustus as brother and sister can't work together or deeply kindred spirits like Etzel and Euclid can't work.
I am also not entirely sure how I feel about this version of Calliope and Shu together yet but I absolutely love love LOVE both Shu and Calliope's current doll forms and unlike other dolls that i've sold and reshelled in the past I just can't think about that for them and that's why this makes everything so hard for me. I know changing their size completely is the right thing to do and now there are enough options out there where I could make it happen and if I don't it will go from just a pounding thought in the back of my head to all I can think about when I see them. But...I'm just not ready to commit to anything yet. Usually when I decide to go in a different direction with a character its easy for me to let go of their old shells because I know that they'll be much better than they were before but this time....I don't know. I love and adore them so much as they are and they suit their characters so perfectly this is the first time I can't imagine not having them around even when I know that they need to be changed. ;___; Ahhh words. I don't knwo if i'm making sense. Dolls are hard.
So like I said i'm not ready to commit to anything regarding them yet. I don't want to sell their current forms and I don't want to begin trying to get new forms for them yet either despite having ideas i'm excited about for them. I need time to think everything through and focus on the other dolls that i'm much more confident in until I feel that confidence with them again. It may be that I'll keep them and someday have their characters in two sizes so I can enjoy them in different ways or maybe once I have their new forms I won't feel as attached to their old ones- i'm not sure. For now they are both staying with me as the characters they are because I can't see them gone or as anything else, though I may take less pictures of them and mention them less while I figure them out. I haven't had much time or energy to pictures but even if they aren't all that great I just have to share this version of Calliope with everyone though because she is just the perfect representation of her character and at the very least i'm so happy I finally got to see that as her old shell was so painfully far off. ^u^ I hand dyed and made her this lovely curly alpaca wig and a new horn as well which I thought would be super temporary but I really like them on her. I also am able to make suuuuuuuper tiny clay roses now so I made her a special new flower crown with these extra tiny roses. They are literally each about the size of my thumb nail! Despite all the feels I hope you all adore her as much as I truly do~
So since all this has happened my dolly plans have changed a little but they are mostly the same. Instead of focusing on getting Calliope a body of her own at the top of my list anything regarding Shu/Etzel/Calliope will be put on the back burner until I know where I want to go from here with them. The silver lining in all this though while I feel very confused and lost regarding their trio, I actually feel so much confidence in that of my other Unicorn characters and am excited to focus on them. Petra and Hyacinth are even higher on my list now and Faustus, Euclid, Petra, and Hyacinth and their little conflicted quartet are going to be my primary focus for the time being.
;o; And sorry for HUGE rambling on about silly dolly things, but thanks so much if you listen. c: The great part about being a part of a community is that I think if only in a small way we all can relate to each other and learn from one another and that's why I love being a part of it and sharing my experiences. I'll admit its often very difficult to share a journey with others especially one that is prone to complex emotions and dramatic change as an artistic journey. As an onlooker who has felt the same way many times before sometimes you may feel sad, angry, confused or betrayed when the art/music/dolls etc. you love so much become so different from what you once saw, but just remember that all artists and artistic journeys are like butterflies; they all begin as caterpillars and whether you loved or hated them as such it is cruel to hate the butterfly nature demands it must become simply because it is no longer the caterpillar it was before. As a butterfly its difficult to accept change, show yourself to the world and know that many people will no longer know you once you've changed but you take solace in the fact that if you continue to fly, somewhere, there will always be people looking in the sky with hope that a beautiful butterfly will pass by.
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Calliope (girl) is a Flower & Junior Yabi head in White Skin borrowing a Fairyland Fairyline body in Beautiful White skin. Faceup, wig, horn, and flower crown by me.
Yeah, really need to stop with the new resin dolls...uhuhuh. Ah, anyway, these lovely ladies have been on a six-month layaway with Denver Doll Emporium and I made my final payment at the beginning of the month.
Sia is my first time seeing Fairyland tan in person and I really like it. I almost wish I had gone with the clear pink tail, but the pastel is really nice, too.
Mari was a super impulse buy (my brain just went mermaid! and into the cart she went), but I really like her.
BJD comparison:
aGatti Daniele in No3 color
Artifex Kindred (Twigling) Minigenue in Haru Casting's light tan color
FairyLand FairyLine body in tan
I do rather like Linnea on Miranda's body, but it has changed her...and I'm not sure Miranda approves.
I finished the wings a few days ago so I wanted to photograph her outside. Brr, it was so cold! My poor hands! :<
Now that she's all painted I sort of feel meh about her, she's done and as usual with dolls that are finished I'm not sure I want to keep her anymore. It's not that I don't like her, it's just that she's finished and I want to move on to other projects. Hmm...we'll have to see for how long she stays :)
I'm going to name her Lana for now though. I think it suits her ^w^