March 20, 2020 Subverted Selfie Project Post

March 20, 2020: And here we go. 80 days into 2020 and I feel like I’m still swimming just above rock bottom. Saw my doctor this morning. I’ll be starting blood pressure medication, and had my antidepressant renewed. I know I shouldn’t feel this way but being back on them makes me feel like I’m failing to live up to my potential.

 

But I’ve made out a list of what I need to get through the week. I’m walking now, to find a breakfast sandwich somewhere. I passed a homeless girl, with her German shepherd, she was rubbing his belly, and they were present in the moment.

 

I’m outside a Starbucks now and a worker is spraying and scrubbing the door handles. A homeless man just asked if I have a lighter. I don’t, but life goes on. The sun warms my forehead. I breathe in and know that I will be okay. I breathe out and know this to be true even if that feels so distant from me, I strive to be mindful of the present moment.

 

And it’s been 8 days since my last emotional breakdown.

 

Part of my personal photo project of 2020, to get a different selfie shot of me everyday, photo 80/366.

 

This photographic image was first published on Instagram.

 

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