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Michael & I went to LA to meet the Life Coaches from my favorite TV Show, "Starting Over". featuring reknown author Iyanla Vanzant whom referred to me as her "Beloved" .. I was so touched!
"A woman is like a teabag -- only in hot water do you realize how strong she is."
~Nancy Reagan
LOL... I love that quote... Hell yeah that's right! Today I am going to get over it... it's done... I'm done with my "not soon enough ex" and his crazyiness and controlling. I will win in the end because I have what is really the only thing that came of our marriage... my children. They will never feel the pain and hurt that I felt all of those years. Sky will not seek out a man that is like her father and Ryder will not treat women like that. They are going to see what love is supposed to be like. They are going to see what happiness is.
Done.
Landlords evicted hundreds of thousands of peasants, who then crowded into disease-infested workhouses. Other landlords paid for their tenants to emigrate, sending hundreds of thousands of Irish to America and other English-speaking countries. But even emigration was no panacea -- shipowners often crowded hundreds of desperate Irish onto rickety vessels labeled "coffin ships." In many cases, these ships reached port only after losing a third of their passengers to disease, hunger and other causes
This Memorial, a national monument, was opened to the public on October 25, 2003. The Memorial stands prominently at the southeast corner of Front and Chestnut Streets in Philadelphia. The Irish Memorial is dedicated to the memory of more than one million innocent men, women and children who perished during the years 1845 to 1850 and to the millions of Irish immigrants who found here in the United States of America the freedom, liberty and prosperity denied to their ancestors in Ireland.
Next episode of podcast For The Love Of Food With Suzie The Foodie: Vancouver Island Leaving The Nexus. How I moved from British Columbia to Nova Scotia and became a food blogger. Episode contains a ton of swearing and is shares my vulnerable story of moving from a life of bliss to physical isolation for over six years. I hope this helps you with your own challenges during the pandemic.
YouTube: youtu.be/srOfiYb3GWs
iTunes: podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/for-the-love-of-food-with-s...
Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/5NXJod7rEeHYm76e2c8Ic2?si=CSGTcgf-Q...
Podbean: suziethefoodie.podbean.com
Ladies and Gents of the flickr community, my camera (as well as me) are up and working once again!
I have decided to start over on the 365 project rather than try to salvage my previous one.
I hope to make my return one with a vengeance!
As for today, I spent it in bed enjoying my time of no responsibilities.
Michael & I went to Los Angeles to meet the Life Coaches from my favorite TV Show, "Starting Over", featuring authors Rhonda Britten, Dr. Stan Katz & Iyanla Vanzant who referred to me as her "Beloved" .. I was so touched!
Original Painting Ink on paper. 24"x18" 2016 Lightfast, waterproof ink on acid-free watercolor paper Learn more at www.CrowRising.com/gallery.
You can still see the destruction from the Hayman Fire of 2002 in Colorado. But new trees and plants are growing and life is continuing as normal.. Here is a shot in December!
Just when I thought I was committed...
(there's a familiar life story in that line)
A bit of traveling over the weekend and a big dose of pure laziness descended on me for the past few days. So...I have no idea if I'm "following the rules" re: 365, but I still want to do this and I'm picking back up where I left off. It's January 19 and this is Day 14 for me.
Other than being a profound procrastinator, I have a sneaky feeling I'll be discovering a lot more about myself as this project unfolds. Sometimes I'm not sure why the hell I'm doing this and at others, I know exactly why. Will find the language and share that another day.
I love my new/used sweater in this pic. Scored it at the Goodwill a few days ago and it reminds me of something I'd wear in the 70's. Fashions never die, do they? They just come and go with the times. Love that, although I'm not sure I could ever get into wearing bell-bottoms again.
My sister and her family are going to Melbourne, Australia, for her husband's new job there. It's safer then Africa, but I still don' t like it.
Nate is putting out a mix-tape that's coming out in April.
Its pretty DOPE, I love it.
the link is: www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0SDp63Hmm0
Check his Channel for more music.
Support SF music.
Michael & I went to LA to meet the Life Coaches from my favorite TV Show, "Starting Over". featuring Dr. Stan Katz.. We had a nice visit while he signed his autograph for me.
Michael & I went to LA to meet the Life Coaches from my favorite TV Show, "Starting Over". Rhonda Britten wrote Fearless Living
Michael & I went to LA to meet the Life Coaches from my favorite TV Show, "Starting Over". featuring Dr. Stan Katz.. We had a nice visit while he signed his autograph for me.
Hi 52 weekers.
I had been doing my 52 weeks for my beloved girl Zuli. Unfortunately she decided (she decided everything) that she was done with this life and she passed away June 16th.
We are starting to get used to her being gone and I decided that I needed to continue the 52 week project. Anya doesn't have the supermodel skills Miss Zuli had, but she's learning.
Thanks to everyone.
Michael & I went to LA to meet the Life Coaches from my favorite TV Show, "Starting Over". Rhonda Britten wrote Fearless Living
all my plants have died, as did one of my fish, so here's to new beginnings...
I also watched my favorite movie last night, for the hundreth time, Harold and Maude and thought this to be so appropriate:
"I like to watch things grow. They grow, and bloom, and fade, and die, and change into something else! Ah, life!"
you'd think I would be over it by now!
I heard your name today
I walked away
'Cause everyone's still talking
I don't need that in my life
Got better things to do
Than worry about you
I'm gonna keep on walking
But sometimes I don't know why
I wanna get over you
But you're everywhere
And I just can't get away
I gotta get over you
Cause it's just not fair
That I, I see your face
Well we had a good time
But time goes on
You didn't really want me til I was gone
I wanna get over you
Before you get over me
(lyrics by Sheryl Crow)
2009 pretty much sucked! (January in particular) Glad it's over! Onward to bigger and better things!
November 23, 2023: Once again, insomnia had me up well past 4am today. I slept most of the day, only heading out around one to a nearby cafe to get some split pea soup for my Mother and me. The smoky ham flavour hasn’t settled well in my stomach. A horrible hum has enveloped my head all day leaving me adrift in a blindingly bright grey fog that finds me wanting to slip into a sleep from which I never wake up. Once again, I feel broken, alone, and lost.
At four, I stood naked in my bathroom, looking into the mirror and feeling the gaze of a soulless man haunted by the darkness of the world that surrounds us all. I showered, first turning up the heat to something of a scalding level, wishing it would melt the scabs off my head, my right arm, and right leg. And let’s not forget this pimple that’s appeared below the belt line, as if born from the stumble I took on the roof on Sunday, scraping up my knee and sending a steady shock up my sciatic nerve. I hate getting pimples there, it makes me feel dirty.
It’s now almost six. I’ve pulled over on Viking Way near Cambie Road in Richmond. I’m heading downtown to see a photography show and hopefully see a friend. But the drive along the ninety one took forever, and the dizziness fed by the fumes of never ending traffic left me feeling weak. I had rolled down the window to try and let some fresh air in but fear I did myself worse. At one point tears streamed down my face as my lips quivered and I shouted “I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry!” and “I hate myself so much.”
I thought I was going to pass out. I napped a bit, and then created a privacy stall with the two passenger side doors of my SUV to try and obscure the pee I so desperately had to take. I still feel slightly dizzy. I sip some water, feeling the cold grooves of the plastic Aquafina bottle in my hand as I stare through my now foggy windshield. I turn on the engine to let forced air start to clear the windows.
I think part of my issue today can be attributed to the junk I’ve consumed almost daily now for the last few weeks, during the movies I’ve seen almost everyday.
I feel so alone, unable to shake this depressive veil of self-hatred.
(327/365).
I'm starting this all over from the beginning. You can call this a "from-the-ground-up" overhaul. Both on myself and my flickr.
I've lost quite a bit of weight and I'm ready to begin living again. (PS I've lost over 50 pounds now, in a little over 2.5 months. All thanks to the Lap-Band... Well, and a little hard work from me as well!)
My sis @angela26may always managed to make me *tear* in a way because it is true, I remember the first inspirational quotes that she sent me from @misssaywhatsreal It made me teared like there was no tomorrow, my sis always managed to remind me how worthy I am and I'm thankful everyday for her undying love and support...😚😚😚 I surprised my self everyday for being so strong throughout this storm☔️☔️☔️... For keeping my head up high and have that strong will to rebuilt... For everyday I wake up, I'm grateful for being alive, for given an opportunity for a second chance... It's not easy to wake up everyday carrying that heavy burden in your heart, but everyday I choose to be happy and appreciate life because I believe in God🙏 and I know he has something better in store for me... I will forever be grateful for this experience because it had made me to a woman I am today, although it hurts beyond imaginable, I managed to continue my life to a better state of mind... For now though, I will smile at uncertainties, laugh at confusions and dance in the storm for one day eventually the storm will pass and the sun will shine once again... #melissamolomo #heartbreaks #life #lifequotes #lifeexperiences #inspireothers #inspirationalquotes #makeadifference #inspirational #heartaches #movingon #newyou #betteryou #newbeginnings #startingover #bebetter #betterversionofyou #travelingtheworld #iloveme #loveyourself @angel12sweet25 #misssaywhatsreal #saywhatsreal #fearless #motivation #motivateothers - journeytomydestiny
September 13, 2023: Today marks day 31 of my daily IV regiment. I still get to do this for at least 11 more days. When they redo my bandages, my big toe still looks swollen, but the nurses take measurements of the wound’s circumference & depth, & they assure me it’s getting smaller. I can’t look when they measure the depth, they use some kind of small, white, plastic rod - pressing into the middle of the wound, to take a measurement. The fear I might have to have some of my toes amputated seems to have subsided. But today my right foot has had pain shooting through it as I walk, even with my offloading footwear in place as I hobble around. I haven’t taken any of the strong prescription painkillers they gave me in over a week but I think I may down one when I get home.
Today’s been a long day. I was up past 1am cleaning Mom’s garage, which I’ve allowed to get very unorganized in recent years. I filled up our two recycling bins, plus our garbage bin. Two of her neighbours, who are away, gave me permission to use their bins if needed, so in addition to Mom’s, I filled a third recycling bin, & a second garbage bin belonging to one neighbour, & I got from the other neighbour, a fourth recycling bin half full. The main motivation in doing this was to clear space so Mom’s old washing machine & dryer could be taken away, & new ones installed. The new ones look like something out of one of the new Star Trek series. The two Samsung units are black, sleek, with minimal lines, no curves, & perfectly circular, but flat doors. You can even pair the units to your internet connection & control them with a smart device.
I missed my first Art History class though, waiting for the delivery people who came right in the middle of their delivery window of 11am-4pm. I had gotten up at 6am & worked until they came, to ensure they had lots of space. I still have a lot to organize but a huge chunk is done. It’s a start to something I should have done a long time ago.
Tomorrow, I need to make an appointment with my doctor for my physical, & I also need to reschedule an appointment with my psychiatrist who I missed yesterday because I slept in. Aren’t I the responsible one?
(256/365)
This mural was painted on the outside of a old home that had a sign up offering help to those finding theirselves under the grip of alcohol and drug abuse in a pretty bad part of our town...Looked like a good place for it too...have to admire their efforts in a town who unfortunately harbors many addicted to controlled substances and/or alcohol..
So here's my first shot in my second attempt at 365. I had a failed attempt back in may that amounted to a total of four pictures before i gave up and disappeared from flickr for a couple of months! I really enjoy looking at everyone else's 365 shots so I thought I'd give it another go.
The timing for this couldn't be better as far as seeing a change over time. Hopefully this time next year I'll be living in another city going to another school. I hope yall tag along on my journey!
P.S. I made this Max costume for my friend Thad in a four hour marathon sewing session. I finished at about 2:30 this morning and thought I'd try it on since I have to work all weekend and won't be doing anything Halloween related. I love Where the Wild Things Are! Hopefully I can get to the movie theatre soon to see it.
Original Painting Ink on paper. 24"x18" 2018 Lightfast, waterproof ink on acid-free watercolor paper Learn more at www.CrowRising.com/gallery.
I've missed several days of 365 and I'm wondering if I'm actually going to stick with this thing. Taking photos every day is one thing. Uploading them, writing descriptions, being clever (or not), capturing a part of my story through images and words...do I really want to do this? I do and yet the commitment thing is...deafening.
So here it is February 3 and despite my misses, I'm continuing on. I sooo get that I am completely and utterly imperfect. Every day, begin again. Begin again.
Nate is putting out a mix-tape that's coming out in April.
Its pretty DOPE, I love it.
the link is: www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0SDp63Hmm0
Check his Channel for more music.
Support SF music.
Today (Saturday) was my first day as an unemployed person.
Yes, Friday was my last day employed with Dollar Tree.
Today feels like a normal day off for me. (Not that I've had one in a while; I worked 12 consecutive days there at the end.) I'm sure the realization that I'm done will hit me in a few weeks, after the "I'm on vacation" feeling has left.
I have big plans for the summer.
Friday I'm leaving for Florida, as a way to kickstart my new life. (I've had the ticket for a while, don't worry.) It's just a weekend trip; I'll be back on Monday.
After that, it's going to be me and a bunch of crafts. Felted wool, pillowcases, old T-shirts, a sewing machine, and scrapbooking supplies. Yay; I'm actually going to be able to sell stuff on Etsy! I'm busy re-vamping my site to get ready for the "grand opening" (even if it is a few years in the making). LOL.
I also have to focus on school still for the next two weeks: write another essay, read another book, print out my porfolio...
And some of the best news about this summer, I can't share with you yet.
I want to see how things go first, and then I will share with you, if it is good news. =)
Well, Flickrites, I'm off.
My parents are opening a thrift store and today's the day we can finally display the merchandise, after all the painting and cleaning and rearranging....
Talk to you soon!!
From September 21, 2023: I tried to post this last night but I’ve been so exhausted & dizzy, with a headache & the feeling like I’m going to lose my lunch, that I tried to just sleep. My mouth trembled with that loose feeling as if it’s getting ready to help my system expel the contents of my stomach, regardless of whether it’s full or not.
I was late for my IV. I’d been chatting with a friend in the morning & at 3:44pm I gripped about my unproductive day by finally not answering her last comment at 12:38pm about maybe having a bite to eat together after my IV with, “I've got nothing done 💔 bleh trying to get grociers now but supposed to be at hospital in 15 m.” I got to the hospital around 4:40pm, & fell asleep during the first IV. The nurse said she had trouble waking me. I told her how I’d been feeling & she said if I was still feeling that way I should head to the ER.
During the second IV, I started sobbing, tears streaming down the sides of my head into my hair, as I lay in a hospital chair that was fully reclined. The nurse was taken aback to find me crying. All I could muster was how sorry I was. They ended up putting me in a wheelchair & took me to my car. The nurse said to sit a bit till I felt well enough to drive. I guess she forgot about the dizziness & exhaustion I’d mentioned earlier.
I lumbered up into my car & basically passed out, sleeping in the drivers seat for over an hour. I woke to 2 or 3 missed calls from my Mum, & several texts from my friend. My last text to her had been sent before I passed out in my car, a long lament about how lonely I’d been, & the recollection of part of a dream I’d had that morning where my mind had created an alternative reality about how I had gotten engaged to my ex a decade ago at the time our relationship was ending in reality. My friend had asked if I wanted to talk on the phone about it, but that terrified me & I simply said “It's ok. I'm in my car now I dunno. Feel so exhausted and still crying .” I then followed it up with “I’m so stupid.” I But stopped at typing, “I fucking hate myself so much.” Instead, I passed out again.
(264/365)
August 30, 2023: I’ve been hanging low lately. As a result, my days now are filled with sleeping, watching random proclivities recommended to me by YouTube, & driving to & from the hospital for the IV antibiotic & wound therapy treatments which I’ve been getting everyday now since I took myself to the ER on August 14. I’m on a schedule now where I’m to receive these treatments daily until the end of September.
On August 18, I remember breaking down in tears, my whole body shaking in the blue hospital recliner patients sit in during treatments for infections. My voice cracked as I hit myself, loudly declaring what a fucking nightmare of a human being I was, & that I’d been so stupid not to take my health more seriously. And the words of mg Mom echoed in my head, as she’d warn me this could happen if I didn’t look after my feet more carefully than I had been.
You see, the doctor examining my right foot declared that my toe would need amputation within seconds of looking at it. “Look at it, it’s all mush,” she said of the wound to the nurse, prodding at it with some metal tweezers. She wasn’t wrong, my right toe had been a horror to observe for weeks now. Plump & purple from swelling, which also continued from the base of my ankle up into the middle of my lower leg. My nail already looked frightening due to a bad ingrown hangnail I had earlier this year, eventually leading to bleeding that got in under my nail, eventually turning to black.
The head of the unit was alerted to my cries, & did her best to comfort me, telling me it was okay & that they’d do all they could to continue treating the wound.
Since August 14, I’ve been trying to eat better again & following the intermittent fasting & almost keto regimen I adopted upon being released from hospital following my stroke. I’ve watched videos on healing wounds, & added several supplements to help heal the wound and prevent swelling. But I can’t exercise. Or do much work. The doctor I saw on August 23 said to stay off my feet as much as possible, & even said they’d get me a special shoe to help me keep pressure off of the foot so the wound would stop bleeding.
I feel so alone.
(242/365).
If you think you are beaten you are,
if you think you dare not you don't,
if you'd like to win but you think you cant
its almost a fact you wont,
if you think you'll lose you're lost
for out in the world we find,
success begins with a fellows will
its all in the state of mind,
if you think you are outclassed you are
you've got to think high to rise,
you've got to be sure of yourself
before you can ever win the prize,
life's battle doesn't always go to the stronger or faster man
but sooner or later the man who wins
is the man who thinks he can...
Bodybuilding Bible
From November 1, 2023: I’ve felt so #broken again lately, both #emotionally & #physically, & frankly, it’s beyond #embarrassing crying on here about my #persistent #personal #failures.
Today was the 80th day of my intravenous #antibiotics therapy. Sadly, I still have a few more weeks of this. The antibiotics really drain my system, leaving me #lethargic & unproductive by the time I get to my Mom’s place, where I’ve been staying since I had my #stroke.
I’ve messed up my #ArtHistory course. I didn’t tell the professor what’s been happening with my health, primarily because when I had done so in the past it was deemed to be #oversharing & #inappropriate. Since then, I’ve done my best to not miss this teacher’s classes & to get my work in.
But I did miss the first class, & I had hoped not to miss another. Stupidly, I did miss the October 11 class as on the 10th I got my COVID-19 booster #shot, as well as my annual flu vaccination. Those shots, combined with the ongoing antibiotics therapy, knocked me out hard. I remember I developed a fever, & sleeping all day. When I went for my IV, I remember describing how horrible I felt to the nurses & considered going to the ER. Actually, one of the nurses took me back to my car in a wheelchair & I ended up sleeping in my car for an hour or two before heading back to my Mom’s. In hindsight, I should not have even driven.
On October 17, I saw that the professor had emailed me, saying they had contacted the early alert team at @kwantlenu (who I never heard back from), & strongly recommended I drop the class.
I went to the next class, & the professor told me to see them in the hallway after asking me why I was there. They firmly talked to me like a strict parent talks to a child. They were tired of my games & if I was going to stay in the course, I had to leave now to work on & hand in an incomplete assignment by the end of the day. I worked hard on it, but as the midnight hour approached I found myself giving up as I was only halfway through the questions. Very early the next morning, they emailed me saying they were failing me in the course, leaving me feeling so useless for not handling things better with them.
(305/365)