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Web Success Diva social internet marketing blog graphic for the post Change Your Mindset about Internet Marketing. Topic focused on the differences between old school internet marketing strategies and new school ones.
THE BILLIONAIRE MINDSET - Motivational Video (from the great achievers of the world) This might be the best motivational video for someone going through a breakup! THE MINDSET BEHIND SUCCESS - Motivational Video " The Power Of Belief " Mindset and Success MINDSET FOR SUCCESS - Motivational Video 2016 Mindset the new Psychology of success - Great Video to Motivate YOU CEO Mindset - Top Billionaires - Best Motivational Video 2016 !!! Motivational Video - Immortal El Poder de la Pasión Motivational Video • Alone Motivation For Life - Motivational Videos ( Channel ) UNCOMMON MAN - Motivational Video 2016 FOCUS ON YOU - Motivation For Life - 2016 IMMORTAL ► Motivational Video 2016 ᴴᴰ The Power Of Positive Thinking - Inspirational Video 2016 THE OBSTACLE IS THE WAY - Motivational Video 2016 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- motivational videos for success in life, break up motivation, breakup motivation, study motivation, motivation to study, motivational break up, eric thomas focus, focus motivation, mindset motivation, motivational speech for success in life, motivational speech 2016, break up motivational speech, motivation to study hard, motivational speech after break up, break up motivational video, mindset for success, joel osteen motivational speech, motivational speech break up, motivation after break up, et motivation, success mindset, motivational video, workout motivational speech, motivation heartbroken, fitness motivation speech, workout motivation speech, gym motivation speech, motivation study, heartbroken motivational, discipline motivation, motivational speech, motivational video, motivation kelly rowland, motivational videos for success in life, motivational songs, motivational speech for success in life, motivational speaker, motivational speeches for athletes, motivation music, motivation video, motivation song, motivation workout, motivation to study, motivation for students, motivation ti, motivation 2015, motivation arnold schwarzenegger,motivation and emotion,motivation at work,motivation and inspiration,motivation animation,motivational amv,motivation audio,motivation after break up,motivation athletes,motivation about life,a motivational video, a motivational speech,a motivational song,a motivational video for students,a motivational story,a motivational video never give up,a motivational speech on ending poverty,a motivational movie,a dream motivational,motivation bodybuilding,motivation by kelly rowland,motivation boxing,motivation business,motivation bodybuilding 2015,motivation become a lion,motivation baseball,motivation beat,motivation believe in yourself,motivation best,lil b motivation, motivational songs,lil b motivation instrumental, motivational songs 2014,lil b motivational speech,doe b motivation,motivational music,motivation,lil b motivation remix,b.o.b motivation,motivation compilation,motivation choreography,motivation change,motivation commercial,motivation compilation 2015,motivation clams casino,motivation confidence,motivation ct fletcher,motivation clean,motivation crossfit,c t fletcher motivation,c.ronaldo motivation,c.ronaldo motivational video,warrior motivation c,motivation dream,motivation dubstep,motivation depression,motivation don't give up,motivation don't quit,motivation documentary,motivation darkness,motivation desire,motivation dc young fly,motivation dance,d rose motivational video,d rose motivation,d wade motivation, motivation d,motivation dj mike d,basketball motivation d rose,motivational mr d,motivation entretien d'embauche,motivation d'avant match,motivation d'un coach,motivation eric thomas,motivation excuses,motivation eric thomas how bad do you want it,motivation et,motivation entrepreneur,motivation exercise,motivation education,motivation elliot hulse,motivation epic,motivation eric thomas breathe,e motivational speaker,e t motivational speaker,e thomas motivation,e t motivation,e 60 motivation,e-sports motivation,motivation football,motivation for studying,motivation for school,motivation for working out,motivation fear,motivation for life,motivation fitness,motivation for kids,motivation for teachers,motivational videos f,motivational speech f,motivational music f,motivation f,motivational songs f,motivation gym,motivationgrid,motivation grind,motivation gym music,motivation greg plitt,motivation gym workout,motivation guru,motivation get up,motivation goals,motivation get over depression,vince g motivation,chill rob g motivation,bboy lil g motivation,motivation how bad do you want it, hard work,motivation hard times,motivation hip hop,motivation hour,motivation how great i am,motivation hindi,motivation hunger,motivation heartbroken,motivation hero,triple h motivation,triple h motivational video,motivation instrumental,motivation inspiration,motivation in the workplace youtu.be/-ow1Qfp7hUY
"Normal people don't understand this concept; they believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."
"There’s nothing more humbling than seeing your best quotes in a list, and thinking they could have been written by a coma patient with a keyboard and spasms."
"Just because no one has ever gotten better from Spasmodic Dysphonia before doesn't mean I can't be the first."
– Scott Adams
www.youtube.com/watch?v=GO5hrWGhxVY Arnold Schwarzenegger Motivation | The Winner Mindset What is the mindset a winner has? Here is what one of the greatest winners in history - Arnold Schwarzenegger tells us. Subscribe for more bodybuilding inspirational and motivational videos 💪 The Gymster 💪: www.youtube.com/channel/UC63_uoMiSKxyGckGmikb5sw ▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴ ℱℴℓℓℴω υs: Facebook: bit.ly/2klc9Su Twitter: twitter.com/TGymster Instagram: bit.ly/2jx8c8x ▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴ More Arnold Schwarzenegger motivation: youtu.be/tM435n6vB98?list=PLV-xdhHy-2Tiyy1gfSigg8YPBXUqWmbq4 bit.ly/2kOWtDD bit.ly/2jOKLLv
Mindset Evolution performing at the Prairie Capital Convention Center in Springfield, IL on April 26, 2016. Photographed by staff photographer Priten Vora.
Mindset Evolution
Prairie Capital Convention Center
April 26, 2016
Springfield, IL
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"There is strong shadow where there is much light."
– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, 'Götz von Berlichingen', Act I (1773).
"Alonso of Aragon was wont to say in commendation of age, that age appears to be best in four things, — old wood best to burn, old wine to drink, old friends to trust, and old authors to read."
– Francis Bacon, 'Apothegms', No. 97
"Minds are the ultimate terra incognita, beyond the reach of all science and—in the case of languageless minds—beyond all empathetic conversation as well. So what? A little humility ought to temper our curiosity. Don't confuse ontological questions (about what exists) with epistemological questions (about how we know about it). We must grow comfortable with this wonderful fact about what is off-limits to inquiry."
– Daniel C. Dennett, 'Kinds Of Minds'
Ok so it all started when I was born - literally. My parents were young when they had me, just 19 years old. My grandparents got guardianship of my brother and I when I was about three years old. My family has a history of mental illness on both sides, so I was "doomed" naturally. Schizophrenia, bipolar, manic depression, all disorders someone in my family was diagnosed with. My maternal grandmother is manic depressive, and things were very difficult growing up because it wasn't addressed. She didn't believe in therapy and thought that nothing was wrong. Therapy was only for "messed up" people, and she had an extreme stigma about it. There are so many instances of verbal and emotional abuse towards my grandfather, my brother, my mother, and myself. But if you spoke up, it was even worse, you wouldn't dare speak up against it. It was always better to endure it and hope the next day would be better. She was, and still can be, very unpredictable. You'd think everything was dandy, until it wasn't. Things could switch in a moment into a screaming, "you-don't-care-about-me-how-come-no-one-cares-for-me" mess. I never wanted someone to ever go through that, or to feel like they couldn't speak up. I was often the one to speak up, so my grandmother and I would fight often. Hence, the anxiety, people-pleasing, wanting to always keep the peace mindset that I have as an adult. She's always needed help for her mental health, but you can't make someone do something they don't want. If they won't address what's hurting, things can't progress.
My grandfather, my grandmother, my brother, and I tried going to group therapy once. It didn't go well, and was entirely unproductive in creating any change. The time was spent with my grandmother asking why she was always the bad guy and how no one ever talked about how they hurt her, and essentially made for a bad time for awhile at home. I did go to counseling in school for awhile, but it was in a group setting so it wasn't as exclusive as going to one-on-one therapy. As a teenager, I did got to therapy for a little bit, but I stopped going because my therapists kept leaving for other practices. And I felt like I was "fine". Plus, what good does it do when you live somewhere that's always stressful and you feel like you can't really talk about your feelings anyways? I didn't want that for my life, ever. I knew that I wanted to be different. I was always sad as a kid that I didn't live with my parents. I never had an answer when people asked me why I didn't live with them, honestly I still am not sure completely why I didn't and I'll be 29 this year .
My mother ended up having a drug addiction problem when I was in sixth grade. My mother is also bipolar, although I don't know exactly when this was discovered. My grandmother hated my dad, for whatever reason. So I just had no pull in my desire to want to live with a parent. My mother had always been around, and she lived with us and my grandparents at times. I saw my dad on the weekends and holidays. In the beginning of her addiction, my grandparents got emergency custody of my brother Jacob. So now they were raising three kids. When my mother made the decision to get clean from heroin, I was about 11 (I think, not sure of my exact age). I loved her so much, and I'll always remember driving down the road with her one day as she was crying and saying "I love you, you know I do, right?" I was the one sitting with her in the bathroom while she went through withdrawal. It was hard to see my mother so sick. I stayed by her side and slept in the same room as her at night because I was so happy she was back home. I also went to NA and AA meetings with her. I liked the cookies and snacks they'd have. I really had no business being around so much adult information at my age, but as I see it I was the support in my mother's recovery, because everyone else was just mad at her. Naturally, it makes sense that as an adult my mother uses me as support often. She's better now and has been clean for over 10 years.
Eventually, I did get the chance to live with my father and my step-mom the summer before seventh grade. For whatever reason, my grandmother had a moment and agreed to let me live with them. I was ecstatic! I remember hopping onto the computer and instant messaging my step-mom on AIM. I lived with them from the beginning of seventh grade to halfway through my freshman year of high school. Living there was such a change from what I was used to; more routine and structure, more "normalcy". I moved back in with my grandparents halfway through my freshman year of high school. Around that time is when my father was really starting to struggle with his mental health (that I know of). There was one night I remember he got so angry that my step-mom and I went in the basement with our dog. He'd torn off the keyboard holder from the computer desk, ripped the sliding door off the track, and threw the board into the pool. He wasn't going to hurt us and I think we knew that, but he was just SO aggressively upset. I remember he left and that night I woke up to the sound of him crying in the bathroom pleading to God. He got diagnosed bipolar around that time. I didn't leave because he was struggling, but because I felt like me being there was too stressful and I missed being with my grandparents. Things were still the same when I moved back in, it's like I never left. I think part of me is always going to feel guilty for leaving my brothers there, even though getting out made such a change in me.
I met a junior boy, C is what we will call him, when I moved back. He was my second boyfriend. I'd only dated one person when I lived in Leominster, and it wasn't for long. I didn't really know much about dating, or sex, or how any of it worked really. I feel like I just figured out a lot of it on my own, leading to many poor decisions. Part of the issue is that my grandmother believed that any talk of sex, birth control, or even asking to be on birth control would automatically lead to pregnancy. And most of what I saw growing up was not-so-healthy relationships. C broke up with me shortly after I made the decision to have sex with him, through a note, passing me in the hallway to lunch. One of my first poor decisions, and it got worse because my grandmother found out about it and threatened to bring him to court for statutory rape. For whatever reason I thought that having sex with someone meant love. I don't know where I came up with that, but it was what I thought mattered. And I also couldn't stand to be alone, I somehow put all my worth in being with someone else.
A few boyfriends later, I met P at a little music release basement party for a mutual friend. We were a hit instantly, and I completely ignored all of my friends when they told me the next morning to not get involved with him. Another poor decision. We became boyfriend and girlfriend. I was with him for 3 years almost. We smoked a lot of pot, he skipped a lot of college, he would call out of work to stay with me. My grandmother would call me out sick from school so I could spend a week with him at his dorm in Boston. He practically lived at my grandparent's house with me at one point. It was very toxic. We were very clingy to one another and I had no freedom. I couldn't even really hang out with my friends if he wasn't there too. He didn't like when I colored my hair without asking. One time, I dyed it black without asking and he screamed at me for a good hour through the phone. My friend that was with me had to answer the phone at one point and tell him to stop calling. All my worth and who I was was determined by him. I wanted to stretch my ears but didn't because he got upset and told me that I only wanted to do that so I could fuck his friends. He was extremely emotionally and verbally abusive, narcissistic if you will. And he needed help with mental health, yet another non-believer of therapy in my life, and meds would just make you a zombie so forget that.
When I got to college, P had failed out of New England Institute of Art and ended up at The Mount with me. This was problematic. We had a lot of the same classes and friends. I ended up getting very close to another guy, A, who showed interest in me being who I wanted. I remember being told by A that I was being treated like property. I wasn't happy with P anymore, but I didn't know how to leave. I ended up cheating, which is absolutely against my morals. P found out because A was angry I wouldn't leave P and told him everything. It was a nasty breakup and there was a lot of fighting. We had all the same friends and so there was some division and tension. I failed out of college because I skipped classes so I wouldn't have to see him. But even after the breakup, P found a way to always be involved in my business.
While I was dating P, I stopped talking to my father for about a year. My father was trying to look out for me in a particular circumstance and went to P's house on his lunch one day to talk with him. I was a dumb teenager so I chose my boyfriend over my father. During that year my father tried to commit suicide. I only found out because of someone anonymous on the internet. My father did not succeed and is much better these days.
After P, I had a lot of small relationships. I was trying to find myself and who I wanted to be. I stretched my ears. I went to a lot of shows, and I did get to live with my mother by the way, when I turned 18. Things were hard and she didn't exactly like who I was. A lot of criticism for my boyfriends, who I dated, who my friends were. Because I was already an adult, her trying to parent me didn't exactly mesh. I smoked a pack of cigarettes a day. I was very stressed all the time. I lost my best friend after P, but I also was so caught up in myself I didn't see how awful of a friend I was. She even ended up dating P for a few years, and that was very hard for me. I never took accountability. I was an anxious mess, that couldn't just be by herself. A lot of my relationships felt like I was a "light" for the other person who was looking to fill a void or get over someone else. And even knowing that so many times, I'd just stay sometimes because I was "needed".
Eventually, I would meet my now husband Joe a year (roughly) after P. Joe and I were best friends first. We knew each other first, and hung out as friends first. He would drive from Dracut to Athol almost every day, that's like 2 hours just to get to me, then 2 hours home. We would sit in my room and watch Friend Zone on MTV (how fitting, right?) One day we found ourselves just casually holding hands. This was new for me. I didn't see it coming. Our relationship crept up and blossomed instead of my usual just jumping into a relationship. Joe was the only one to ever stand up to P and tell him he didn't have a place in my life anymore. The only person where I never doubted if I was just filling a void from someone else. Joe cared about my interests and what I enjoyed, and has continued to throughout our 9 year relationship. He showed me what being valued as myself was like. This is love. And I am grateful, because he gives me space to figure out who I am and change if I feel like it.
The lesson from this is that I finally learned that I was enough as me. I didn't have to try to be anyone's ex, I didn't have to try to be anyone but myself. I learned that I had value as a person, and that I could be who I wanted, because I WANTED to be that person. I could be a light in someone's life, without putting out my own light. I learned that my body was not the only thing someone should want in a relationship, and that sex does not mean love. And most importantly, I learned that I didn't need to fill a void in someone, or try to have someone to fill a void in myself. Things don't work that way. You cannot fix a person, you can only be there for them. As far as mental health goes, my intention was always to break the cycle and take care of myself. I knew it from very early in my life. I mentioned that I stopped going to therapy for awhile. Two years ago I did start going to counseling again. After having our second child, I realized that I was really struggling and things were getting hard, I felt like I was falling apart inside. I couldn't cope strictly by myself. Last year I was diagnosed as bipolar 2. My counselor knew a bit sooner than when he told me, but I respect his reasoning. When he diagnosed me, he said that he did not tell me right away when he knew, because he knew that I would have been devastated, since he knew I did not want to be like my family. But I am not like my family. I love my family, and they are not bad people, they just needed help. I am the change in the cycle. I wanted better and I am creating better. I want my children to know stability and that mental health is as important as physical health. I am still working at being better every day, I will always have to, that's okay. I am open, I am accepting of myself, I know healing isn't linear. In healing, I have learned forgiveness.
Organised by Julie Guegan and Obhi Chatterjee, the internal summer online sessions offer to European institutions colleagues conversations on topics such as navigating uncertainty, building trust, overcoming biases or emotional courage. "All of this with a view to equip ourselves and develop good strategies to cope according to research and the experience of our colleagues", as beautifully expressed by Julie. Last week's session was on What is the right mindset to thrive in challenging times?
To feed our conversations, the session hosts chose a Tedtalk by Carol Dweck on The power of believing that you can improve. Here are my visual notes, sketchnotes, where I tried to capture the essence of the points of the Tedtalk as well as those expressed by my colleagues.
Thank you Lucia Soldatova Miruna Andreea Stamate Obhi Chatterjee for hosting online so well.
Boxercise Demo.Photos taken from Blast off PE Fitness and Mindset Coaching's Exhibition Night and Master Boxing Bout. This great event was held in Dorchester Jail on Saturday 19th November 2022 to show how sport can help your mental health. Note: Dorchester Jail is no longer a working prison - it's now operated by Gloucester & Dorchester Prison Events who run regular tours and events there. Blast Off hire their Gym for their regular meetings.
Ladie
s Sparring Demo, Bout 1, with Chezz and Tezza. Photos taken from Blast off PE Fitness and Mindset Coaching's Exhibition Night and Master Boxing Bout. This great event was held in Dorchester Jail on Saturday 19th November 2022 to show how sport can help your mental health. Note: Dorchester Jail is no longer a working prison - it's now operated by Gloucester & Dorchester Prison Events who run regular tours and events there. Blast Off hire their Gym for their regular meetings.
Ladies Sparring Demo, Bout 2, with Katy and Kellie. Photos taken from Blast off PE Fitness and Mindset Coaching's Exhibition Night and Master Boxing Bout. This great event was held in Dorchester Jail on Saturday 19th November 2022 to show how sport can help your mental health. Note: Dorchester Jail is no longer a working prison - it's now operated by Gloucester & Dorchester Prison Events who run regular tours and events there. Blast Off hire their Gym for their regular meetings.
International Hapkido Demo.Photos taken from Blast off PE Fitness and Mindset Coaching's Exhibition Night and Master Boxing Bout. This great event was held in Dorchester Jail on Saturday 19th November 2022 to show how sport can help your mental health. Note: Dorchester Jail is no longer a working prison - it's now operated by Gloucester & Dorchester Prison Events who run regular tours and events there. Blast Off hire their Gym for their regular meetings.
The Junior Combat demonstration. Photos taken from Blast off PE Fitness and Mindset Coaching's Exhibition Night and Master Boxing Bout. This great event was held in Dorchester Jail on Saturday 19th November 2022 to show how sport can help your mental health. Note: Dorchester Jail is no longer a working prison - it's now operated by Gloucester & Dorchester Prison Events who run regular tours and events there. Blast Off hire their Gym for their regular meetings.
Ladie
s Sparring Demo, Bout 1, with Chezz and Tezza. Photos taken from Blast off PE Fitness and Mindset Coaching's Exhibition Night and Master Boxing Bout. This great event was held in Dorchester Jail on Saturday 19th November 2022 to show how sport can help your mental health. Note: Dorchester Jail is no longer a working prison - it's now operated by Gloucester & Dorchester Prison Events who run regular tours and events there. Blast Off hire their Gym for their regular meetings.
Boxercise Demo.Photos taken from Blast off PE Fitness and Mindset Coaching's Exhibition Night and Master Boxing Bout. This great event was held in Dorchester Jail on Saturday 19th November 2022 to show how sport can help your mental health. Note: Dorchester Jail is no longer a working prison - it's now operated by Gloucester & Dorchester Prison Events who run regular tours and events there. Blast Off hire their Gym for their regular meetings.
The 2019 Masters World Final Rematch: Richie Rock Myers (USA) V David Baird (UK). Photos taken from Blast off PE Fitness and Mindset Coaching's Exhibition Night and Master Boxing Bout. This great event was held in Dorchester Jail on Saturday 19th November 2022 to show how sport can help your mental health. Note: Dorchester Jail is no longer a working prison - it's now operated by Gloucester & Dorchester Prison Events who run regular tours and events there. Blast Off hire their Gym for their regular meetings.
Ok so it all started when I was born - literally. My parents were young when they had me, just 19 years old. My grandparents got guardianship of my brother and I when I was about three years old. My family has a history of mental illness on both sides, so I was "doomed" naturally. Schizophrenia, bipolar, manic depression, all disorders someone in my family was diagnosed with. My maternal grandmother is manic depressive, and things were very difficult growing up because it wasn't addressed. She didn't believe in therapy and thought that nothing was wrong. Therapy was only for "messed up" people, and she had an extreme stigma about it. There are so many instances of verbal and emotional abuse towards my grandfather, my brother, my mother, and myself. But if you spoke up, it was even worse, you wouldn't dare speak up against it. It was always better to endure it and hope the next day would be better. She was, and still can be, very unpredictable. You'd think everything was dandy, until it wasn't. Things could switch in a moment into a screaming, "you-don't-care-about-me-how-come-no-one-cares-for-me" mess. I never wanted someone to ever go through that, or to feel like they couldn't speak up. I was often the one to speak up, so my grandmother and I would fight often. Hence, the anxiety, people-pleasing, wanting to always keep the peace mindset that I have as an adult. She's always needed help for her mental health, but you can't make someone do something they don't want. If they won't address what's hurting, things can't progress.
My grandfather, my grandmother, my brother, and I tried going to group therapy once. It didn't go well, and was entirely unproductive in creating any change. The time was spent with my grandmother asking why she was always the bad guy and how no one ever talked about how they hurt her, and essentially made for a bad time for awhile at home. I did go to counseling in school for awhile, but it was in a group setting so it wasn't as exclusive as going to one-on-one therapy. As a teenager, I did got to therapy for a little bit, but I stopped going because my therapists kept leaving for other practices. And I felt like I was "fine". Plus, what good does it do when you live somewhere that's always stressful and you feel like you can't really talk about your feelings anyways? I didn't want that for my life, ever. I knew that I wanted to be different. I was always sad as a kid that I didn't live with my parents. I never had an answer when people asked me why I didn't live with them, honestly I still am not sure completely why I didn't and I'll be 29 this year .
My mother ended up having a drug addiction problem when I was in sixth grade. My mother is also bipolar, although I don't know exactly when this was discovered. My grandmother hated my dad, for whatever reason. So I just had no pull in my desire to want to live with a parent. My mother had always been around, and she lived with us and my grandparents at times. I saw my dad on the weekends and holidays. In the beginning of her addiction, my grandparents got emergency custody of my brother Jacob. So now they were raising three kids. When my mother made the decision to get clean from heroin, I was about 11 (I think, not sure of my exact age). I loved her so much, and I'll always remember driving down the road with her one day as she was crying and saying "I love you, you know I do, right?" I was the one sitting with her in the bathroom while she went through withdrawal. It was hard to see my mother so sick. I stayed by her side and slept in the same room as her at night because I was so happy she was back home. I also went to NA and AA meetings with her. I liked the cookies and snacks they'd have. I really had no business being around so much adult information at my age, but as I see it I was the support in my mother's recovery, because everyone else was just mad at her. Naturally, it makes sense that as an adult my mother uses me as support often. She's better now and has been clean for over 10 years.
Eventually, I did get the chance to live with my father and my step-mom the summer before seventh grade. For whatever reason, my grandmother had a moment and agreed to let me live with them. I was ecstatic! I remember hopping onto the computer and instant messaging my step-mom on AIM. I lived with them from the beginning of seventh grade to halfway through my freshman year of high school. Living there was such a change from what I was used to; more routine and structure, more "normalcy". I moved back in with my grandparents halfway through my freshman year of high school. Around that time is when my father was really starting to struggle with his mental health (that I know of). There was one night I remember he got so angry that my step-mom and I went in the basement with our dog. He'd torn off the keyboard holder from the computer desk, ripped the sliding door off the track, and threw the board into the pool. He wasn't going to hurt us and I think we knew that, but he was just SO aggressively upset. I remember he left and that night I woke up to the sound of him crying in the bathroom pleading to God. He got diagnosed bipolar around that time. I didn't leave because he was struggling, but because I felt like me being there was too stressful and I missed being with my grandparents. Things were still the same when I moved back in, it's like I never left. I think part of me is always going to feel guilty for leaving my brothers there, even though getting out made such a change in me.
I met a junior boy, C is what we will call him, when I moved back. He was my second boyfriend. I'd only dated one person when I lived in Leominster, and it wasn't for long. I didn't really know much about dating, or sex, or how any of it worked really. I feel like I just figured out a lot of it on my own, leading to many poor decisions. Part of the issue is that my grandmother believed that any talk of sex, birth control, or even asking to be on birth control would automatically lead to pregnancy. And most of what I saw growing up was not-so-healthy relationships. C broke up with me shortly after I made the decision to have sex with him, through a note, passing me in the hallway to lunch. One of my first poor decisions, and it got worse because my grandmother found out about it and threatened to bring him to court for statutory rape. For whatever reason I thought that having sex with someone meant love. I don't know where I came up with that, but it was what I thought mattered. And I also couldn't stand to be alone, I somehow put all my worth in being with someone else.
A few boyfriends later, I met P at a little music release basement party for a mutual friend. We were a hit instantly, and I completely ignored all of my friends when they told me the next morning to not get involved with him. Another poor decision. We became boyfriend and girlfriend. I was with him for 3 years almost. We smoked a lot of pot, he skipped a lot of college, he would call out of work to stay with me. My grandmother would call me out sick from school so I could spend a week with him at his dorm in Boston. He practically lived at my grandparent's house with me at one point. It was very toxic. We were very clingy to one another and I had no freedom. I couldn't even really hang out with my friends if he wasn't there too. He didn't like when I colored my hair without asking. One time, I dyed it black without asking and he screamed at me for a good hour through the phone. My friend that was with me had to answer the phone at one point and tell him to stop calling. All my worth and who I was was determined by him. I wanted to stretch my ears but didn't because he got upset and told me that I only wanted to do that so I could fuck his friends. He was extremely emotionally and verbally abusive, narcissistic if you will. And he needed help with mental health, yet another non-believer of therapy in my life, and meds would just make you a zombie so forget that.
When I got to college, P had failed out of New England Institute of Art and ended up at The Mount with me. This was problematic. We had a lot of the same classes and friends. I ended up getting very close to another guy, A, who showed interest in me being who I wanted. I remember being told by A that I was being treated like property. I wasn't happy with P anymore, but I didn't know how to leave. I ended up cheating, which is absolutely against my morals. P found out because A was angry I wouldn't leave P and told him everything. It was a nasty breakup and there was a lot of fighting. We had all the same friends and so there was some division and tension. I failed out of college because I skipped classes so I wouldn't have to see him. But even after the breakup, P found a way to always be involved in my business.
While I was dating P, I stopped talking to my father for about a year. My father was trying to look out for me in a particular circumstance and went to P's house on his lunch one day to talk with him. I was a dumb teenager so I chose my boyfriend over my father. During that year my father tried to commit suicide. I only found out because of someone anonymous on the internet. My father did not succeed and is much better these days.
After P, I had a lot of small relationships. I was trying to find myself and who I wanted to be. I stretched my ears. I went to a lot of shows, and I did get to live with my mother by the way, when I turned 18. Things were hard and she didn't exactly like who I was. A lot of criticism for my boyfriends, who I dated, who my friends were. Because I was already an adult, her trying to parent me didn't exactly mesh. I smoked a pack of cigarettes a day. I was very stressed all the time. I lost my best friend after P, but I also was so caught up in myself I didn't see how awful of a friend I was. She even ended up dating P for a few years, and that was very hard for me. I never took accountability. I was an anxious mess, that couldn't just be by herself. A lot of my relationships felt like I was a "light" for the other person who was looking to fill a void or get over someone else. And even knowing that so many times, I'd just stay sometimes because I was "needed".
Eventually, I would meet my now husband Joe a year (roughly) after P. Joe and I were best friends first. We knew each other first, and hung out as friends first. He would drive from Dracut to Athol almost every day, that's like 2 hours just to get to me, then 2 hours home. We would sit in my room and watch Friend Zone on MTV (how fitting, right?) One day we found ourselves just casually holding hands. This was new for me. I didn't see it coming. Our relationship crept up and blossomed instead of my usual just jumping into a relationship. Joe was the only one to ever stand up to P and tell him he didn't have a place in my life anymore. The only person where I never doubted if I was just filling a void from someone else. Joe cared about my interests and what I enjoyed, and has continued to throughout our 9 year relationship. He showed me what being valued as myself was like. This is love. And I am grateful, because he gives me space to figure out who I am and change if I feel like it.
The lesson from this is that I finally learned that I was enough as me. I didn't have to try to be anyone's ex, I didn't have to try to be anyone but myself. I learned that I had value as a person, and that I could be who I wanted, because I WANTED to be that person. I could be a light in someone's life, without putting out my own light. I learned that my body was not the only thing someone should want in a relationship, and that sex does not mean love. And most importantly, I learned that I didn't need to fill a void in someone, or try to have someone to fill a void in myself. Things don't work that way. You cannot fix a person, you can only be there for them. As far as mental health goes, my intention was always to break the cycle and take care of myself. I knew it from very early in my life. I mentioned that I stopped going to therapy for awhile. Two years ago I did start going to counseling again. After having our second child, I realized that I was really struggling and things were getting hard, I felt like I was falling apart inside. I couldn't cope strictly by myself. Last year I was diagnosed as bipolar 2. My counselor knew a bit sooner than when he told me, but I respect his reasoning. When he diagnosed me, he said that he did not tell me right away when he knew, because he knew that I would have been devastated, since he knew I did not want to be like my family. But I am not like my family. I love my family, and they are not bad people, they just needed help. I am the change in the cycle. I wanted better and I am creating better. I want my children to know stability and that mental health is as important as physical health. I am still working at being better every day, I will always have to, that's okay. I am open, I am accepting of myself, I know healing isn't linear. In healing, I have learned forgiveness.
Boxercise Demo.Photos taken from Blast off PE Fitness and Mindset Coaching's Exhibition Night and Master Boxing Bout. This great event was held in Dorchester Jail on Saturday 19th November 2022 to show how sport can help your mental health. Note: Dorchester Jail is no longer a working prison - it's now operated by Gloucester & Dorchester Prison Events who run regular tours and events there. Blast Off hire their Gym for their regular meetings.
My Sorority Sister.
When you smile and project an aura of warmth, kindness, and friendliness, you will attract warms, kindness, and friendliness. Happy people will be drawn to you. – Joel Osteen
{Inspire, Be Inspired, Encourage, Motivate 2.12.26}
Boxercise Demo.Photos taken from Blast off PE Fitness and Mindset Coaching's Exhibition Night and Master Boxing Bout. This great event was held in Dorchester Jail on Saturday 19th November 2022 to show how sport can help your mental health. Note: Dorchester Jail is no longer a working prison - it's now operated by Gloucester & Dorchester Prison Events who run regular tours and events there. Blast Off hire their Gym for their regular meetings.
The Junior Combat demonstration. Photos taken from Blast off PE Fitness and Mindset Coaching's Exhibition Night and Master Boxing Bout. This great event was held in Dorchester Jail on Saturday 19th November 2022 to show how sport can help your mental health. Note: Dorchester Jail is no longer a working prison - it's now operated by Gloucester & Dorchester Prison Events who run regular tours and events there. Blast Off hire their Gym for their regular meetings.
Photos taken from Blast off PE Fitness and Mindset Coaching's Exhibition Night and Master Boxing Bout. This great event was held in Dorchester Jail on Saturday 19th November 2022 to show how sport can help your mental health. Note: Dorchester Jail is no longer a working prison - it's now operated by Gloucester & Dorchester Prison Events who run regular tours and events there. Blast Off hire their Gym for their regular meetings.
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Photos taken from Blast off PE Fitness and Mindset Coaching's Exhibition Night and Master Boxing Bout. This great event was held in Dorchester Jail on Saturday 19th November 2022 to show how sport can help your mental health. Note: Dorchester Jail is no longer a working prison - it's now operated by Gloucester & Dorchester Prison Events who run regular tours and events there. Blast Off hire their Gym for their regular meetings.
Game: Marvel's Spider-Man
Developer: Insomniac Games
Filter Used (In-Game): None
Cropped with Adobe Photoshop
7/365
Before this summer I had a considerable amount of knowledge of so many things, but I had never put this knowledge to good use and practice because of my fears of failure and insecurities in my own abilities. I have begun to realize that this not only limits the potential of what is even possible but also it decreases the immense impact each person has on other’s stories. I vow to take the carefree, just go and do it, summer mindset into the fall and winter, and into the rest of me life. Thank you to all of those who have helped me to realize this, and help me to jump into the water, to feel alive again. So get off the computer and go create your own stuff! ☺