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How to Find the Strength and Motivation to Change Your Life By Jo Casey “Eventually you will come to realize that love heals everything, and love is all there is.” ~Gary Zukav Following a path of personal development isn’t easy. Oh, it’s rewarding and can be life changing but it can also be confusing, challenging, and scary. What if you take the wrong path? How do you know which piece of advice is right? Can you still get the results you desperately want, even if you go against some of the assumed wisdom? One such piece of wisdom is that people should make changes in their lives and their behavior for themselves, not for others. That’s always been the standard advice from friends, magazines, and TV “experts.” But what if you don’t feel ready, worthy, or capable of making the change for yourself? What if you feel so confused and scared that you don’t know where to start? I struggled with loving myself enough to take those initial steps toward finding a way out of my own depression and anxiety. I’ve realized that sometimes the love we have for other people, particularly for our children, can give us the motivation to start on the journey—even when we are lacking the love to do it for ourselves. Like many people I struggled with feeling like I was wrong, deficient, and “not good enough” for a long time. You know how for most people those anxious teenage years full of self-doubt and awkwardness pass with the arrival of their twenties? For me, those feelings didn’t disappear. If anything, they accelerated. Feeling unsure of myself turned into something darker and more entrenched. I spent my twenties shuttling between depression and its twisted sister, anxiety. By the time I was 27 I was exhausted by it and hospitalized for a brief spell (a “little rest,” as my mum euphemistically described it.) Depression had become a part of my identity. To my mind, it wasn’t a condition I experienced; it was part of who I fundamentally was: a person broken beyond repair. I tried counselling but found it painful and I not something I was ready for. So then I tried drama instead—intense relationships with men who tried to love me better, and I them. I tried medication and it helped; lifted my mood enough so I could function. But the thoughts and the moods just receded; they never fully went away. The depression didn’t let go; it was always on the edges, threatening to return. I’d sense it. There it was snapping at my heels, reminding me that all was not well: I was not well.
And then, everything changed. Thirteen years ago I had my son. A beautiful, smiling, boy, who rocked my world and kicked my self-perception off its axis. That’s the thing with kids—before you have them, even though people tell you about the oceans of love you will experience, you just don’t get it. But once my son was in my arms, I got it. I really, really got it. I loved him in a way that blew a hole in my self-loathing and everything I’d taken to be true. I sat with him in my arms; perfect little fingers, toes, nose, eyelashes—perfect everything. The waves of fear and love I felt took my breath away. A terrifying set of questions gnawed at my mind: What if I couldn’t do it? What if I couldn’t protect this perfect little being? What if I actually damaged him? What if my deficiencies, my failings, my brokenness affected him? I would do anything for him. He needed me to be the best I could be. I knew that I had to get better; I hadn’t had the strength to do it for myself, so if I couldn’t do it for me, I would do it for him. That’s what gave me the push, the kick, the boot up the backside I needed. I didn’t have the answers for how I was going to do it, but I certainly had a lot of questions: Why do some people seem able to soar through life and others struggle? How come some people can see the good in themselves but others can’t see their own strengths at all? What makes people happy, and is it possible to increase how happy we are and how often? Answering those questions took quite a while—thirteen years and counting. Once I took my first faltering steps along that journey to find those answers, so many things opened up for me. I’ve had therapy, returned to learning, studied with some amazing teachers, become an NLP Master Practitioner, completed a Master’s degree in Coaching, not to mention read every personal development book I could get my hands on. I’ve sucked up positive psychology research, taken up yoga, learned how to practice mindfulness, and made understanding my brain and moods a priority. It might have started out as a way to sort out my own head so that I could be a better mum, but it’s blossomed into something more profound. The ripple effect of the journey is immense. I teach, write and share what I’ve learned and will continue to do it so that others can get it too. Personally I know I’ve moved from a place of great darkness to huge possibility and light. The depression that snapped at my heels has gone; although I’ll always be watching out for its return, I’m confident I have the tools to deal with it if it ever does.
Above all, I am grateful beyond words to my son, and to his little sister, for showing me what love really is; for showing me that I was capable of giving such love and worthy of receiving it. They unlocked the door for me to start really loving myself. What started out as something I did for someone else, turned out to be the most loving thing I’ve ever done—for both of us. It doesn’t really matter who you’re starting out on this journey for—just start it. If you do it with a desire to learn, to grow and heal, and feel happier, you will get there. Don’t feel guilty about taking time for yourself or investing in things that will help you to get there. When you feel better, are kinder to yourself, and no longer spend hours a day wrestling with your own demons, you free up so much time, energy, and love to give back to those around you. You might feel scared. You might feel guilty for wanting to take an hour to read that book, or visit the gym, or attend that course. You might think you’re not worthy of it. You might feel that being a good person is about focusing all of your energy on your loved ones and ignoring yourself. But I want to tell you that’s not true. The best thing you can do for your loved ones is sorting your own stuff out. Give your kids a role model of self-compassion. Show your niece that it’s okay to be gawky and unsure of herself. Show your dad that it’s good to take time out and take a rest when he’s feeling overwhelmed. Show your loved one’s a model of choosing happiness and hope over depression and despair. The greatest gift that we can give to those we love is to show them that they can learn, grow, and evolve—and that they are in control of that. I don’t care why you do it. If you can do it for yourself, that’s fantastic. But even if you’re initially doing it for someone else, you might just learn along the way that you’re worth making the change for after all.
This was an oportune shot on a hill in Northumberland, I was shooting some climing portraits and silhuettes earlier hence the large backpack (actually a crash mat for climbing). Might try this again at some point without the backpack.
It's complicated
Never to figure out
Inspired from Cole thompson photography- Ceiling Lamps
Location: Dhaka, Bangladesh
An Indian lady selling Demons Masks, meant to ward off evil by hanging outside homes. © www.gops.org, 2014 . All rights reserved.
Life onboard follows the rhythm of the sun, snorkeling, visits to local villages and walks on desert islands, there will be no time to get bored, and the days will pass pleasantly.
Those who love to relax will be lying lazily on the deck of your yacht, perhaps reading a good book. Everyone enjoys the bright and colourful sunsets, perhaps with a long cool drink. Hope to see you all after week..Have a wonderful weekend to allCIAO
20 minute pose.
pastel on canson.
I did not complete this sketch in 20 minutes but got as much information as I could during the pose then tried cleaning up my marks at home later without the model...
"ये सोच के बैठी हूँ, एक राह तो वोह होगी;
तुम तक जो पहुँचती है, इस मोड़ से जाती है" - गुलज़ार
From me:
कुछ आगे निकल गए, कुछ पीछे रह गए. कुछ साथ हैं मगर दूर हैं, कुछ दूर हैं मगर पास हैं.
आगे निकलने वाले पीछे नहीं देखते, देखते भी हैं तो हमे नहीं खोजते..
जब हम पीछे मुड़ कर देखते हैं तो कोई नहीं दिखता केवल कुछ परछाई नजर आती हैं.
उस परछाई से कभी कोई रिश्ता रहा होगा लेकिन अब तो केवल दूरियां है..
हम रुक भी जाएँ किनारे इस रास्ते के और कर भी लें उनका इंतजार.
लेकिन जब भी पीछे मुड़ कर देखा लगता था परछाई रास्ता बदल रही हैं.
कुछ देर ठहर कर हमने सोचा शायद जो आगे चले गए हैं वोह भी करते होंगे हमारा इंतजार.
लेकिन हम भी तो उनके लिए परछाई ही हैं.
उनको भी लगता होगा की हमने रास्ते बदल दिए..
Look outside , look away from the electronic devices for once and absorb what nature is presenting you .
Life is a tide; float on it. Go down with it and go up with it, but be detached. Then it is not difficult.
~ Prem Rawat
Coldplay: Life In Technicolor
It's nice to get comments from new people; random !
I picked up the pens again last night, it was quite a productive 30 minute painting session. I enjoyed it, had some new ideas and tried them out.
I just got an interesting comment from my Flickr Friend and landscape extraordinaire utdesertduo on straight out of the sky which reads "I must admit, as much as I love your light painting, it's nice to see a landscape from you. Fantastic color in those clouds, I'd personaly like to see an edited version too.
This starts a discussion in my mind. I don't live in an area which has amazing places to photograph, this is why my stream contains mostly light paintings, and pictures of me on nights out. On the odd occasion I find something "different" to shoot, I will, because it looks nice or is interesting. I think I've mentioned before that I'm all about uploading the good pictures, once, rather than 5 average shots. I would like to shoot other subjects, but I don't want to post anything crap. Ok, so we all have to start somewhere; just like the light painting back in December.. With 13 days to go until Dublin, you'll have to make do with light painting, or any other interesting scenes I find to shoot !
I just passed 5,200 Profile Views since October 9, 2008
My 100 submission to "Light Junkies"
Explore ! 25 April 2009 #378
Photography::: Mong Chen
© “All rights are reserved” worldwide by MONG CHEN Photography
Please do not use the picture without permission.
Please visit :: fb.com/MongChenPhotography
Advance thanks for watching my pictures...
BONG, Liberia January 30, 2015
Orphaned by the Ebola crisis, a young girl carries freshly harvested crops from the field to the home of Harriet B. Quenisseeir. Harriet and her husband have welcomed 35 youth--most orphans who lost their parents to the Ebola crisis--into their home. USAID’s mission is to support the many families and individuals who have taken risks and opened their hearts in order to respond to the tragedy of Ebola; the response work extends past disease control and into the support of aid workers, affected families, and Liberian infrastructure.
Photo by Adam Parr, USAID
For the full story of Varbah Dolley, visit USAID’s storytelling hub: stories.usaid.gov/facing-death-six-days-a-week/
but at least the walls aren't plain
(sometimes i wear weird clothes from my mother's closet and it makes me no less of a boy okay)
Only one of more than 200,000 gravestones, stupas or monuments erected in Japan's largest cemetery, Okunoin. Mount Koya, Japan.
My last work is called Life! How to represent life through the body, to create one ideal body that contains all phases of life at one time. To enjoy and understand in one single moment how life and relationships are beautiful! Starting when we are young, the relationship with our parents that helps us to grow up, then we are waiting for a baby, the most beautiful gift of our lives! And then, when we are older the intense and deep hug with our partner and a beautiful kiss!
Seeds from epiphytic plants generally root wherever they land. This sprout was emerging from a rusted car deep in the jungle. Cusuco National Park, Honduras, Central America. Summer 2009.
Large View On Black