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Good Grief! Here's Cockiss, the Ball Buster Trail hare, and he didn't even break a sweat. He may actually be a government experiment, a robot in disguise, an automaton gone rogue.
Harriettes try to fend off 'sheriff' Ghetto Man after he said he'd like to 'put the cuffs' on them. Whoa! Some B and D in the offering here?
CREATURES:
• Fibelza: A round aquatic carnivore that is found on the planet Haysfhelt, whose surface consists of more than 80% water, making it the second most watery inhabited planet next to Hulptos. This planet is located in the Beta Octant and is the second planet from Ergnoplis, with Wegneheck in between the two. As for the Fibelza itself, it does not appear for several miles out from the shore of the planet's small, lone continent where its humanoids live, and thus has little interaction with the Emlottbiens. The creature is ferocious, though not to the same extent of the Eevakie, which is bears much resemblance to, being willing to feast on any and all types of fish smaller than it. The Fibelza is a carnivore, not an omnivore, and thus it does not eat plant life whatsoever. They have numerous eyes on their bodies, anywhere from six to ten pairs, and thus have an incredibly wide range of vision. However, any damage to their eyes causes them immense pain, and thus they are especially vulnerable in many places. The Fibelza's durability value is about 600.
• Nicayecid: Large–headed beasts that live in the depression/valley areas of Logdlind, which is also where most of the Boxyobobs live. It is obvious that Nicayecids share a good deal of their DNA with the Boxyobobs due to the jagged bodies of both as well as similar–looking faces, in a case similar to that of the Qendsewn and Uliroohs. However, the deluded Boxyobobs take this as meaning that the Nicayecids came long before them and were "precursors" that their race evolved from. On the creatures themselves, they are six feet tall and have a durability value of 900. They have long arms, acute eyes and sensitive, drooping ears on the sides of their heads, and hop around on a single foot, similar to a few other creatures. In addition, Nicayecids have luscious, humanoid–like lips in the back of their concave mouths, which are otherwise monstrous. Food that is ingested enters the creature's digestive system not through through these very far back lips but through a food pipe to the side of them. This is because the structure featuring these lips is actually the animal's penis. When it mates, this lip–penis becomes erect and juts out, and the two unisexual Nicayecid kiss passionately, which in their case is not just a sexual act but is literally sexual intercourse. They both ejaculate into each other's lips/urethras, and both can potentially become pregnant.
• Emlottbien: The amphibious humanoids of Haysfhelt. They live on the shores of a small continent in the water–covered planet's Northeastern hemisphere but can also safely dwell in the more shallow waters beyond its coast, which contain few dangerous lifeforms unlike the parts of the ocean farther out from the land. Emlottbiens are quite tall, standing at more than five feet, and have very long limbs as well. Their average durability value is 700. Their ability to breathe underwater comes from pairs of appendages on the sides of their heads which may be mistaken for ears by outsiders. Their actual sensors of sound are located on top of their heads. The mouth of the Emlottbien consists of three holes in the same area on the lower face where most beings' mouths are located. This makes eating on dry land difficult and an inconvenience; it is much easier for them to ingest their food underwater, where they can suck things in through their holes (the water nearest to the shores on their planet is freshwater, so they needn't worry about sea salt). All the things on Haysfhelt that are edible to them can be taken underwater without becoming soggy, so Emlottbiens usually go into the sea to eat what they find on land. This is also why they mainly live close to the water's edge rather than inland. Prior to the EndoBubble's destruction, Hulptos served as an alternative home for many Emlottbiens.
TECHNOLOGY:
• Skellen Turret: This device, like the Skellen Abomination, is synthetically derived from natural life forms, and thus straddles the line between "creature" and "technology". Specifically, and oddly enough, it contains living nerves taken from the plants of Gorlune and brain cells from various creatures, which together give the turret the capacity to handle more advanced programming. Skellen Turrets stand on wheels which can be locked in place to keep them from rolling away but which make them easier to move around outside of combat. Thanks to their organic components, they have been programmed to actively detect, aim at and fire upon all targets except Skellen and allied beings such as Errvwarps and Demioids, whose racial DNA is input into the turrets' "brains" making the devices recognize them as "friendlies". Of course, this also gives the turrets a major weakness as if a Skellen, Demioid etc. turns against their kind, they will not be fired at since the devices have been programmed to never attack members of their species. Thus, the turrets are used only in warfare against other creatures and not as local security against criminal/defector Skellen.
• Dynamo Force Field Generator: This device was invented by the Demioid Taekhned in his laboratory complex on Hulptos. It facilitates a perpetual cycle of reactions and combustion involving microscopic samples of several different elements and chemical compounds, which together produce obstructive multi–shaded fields of blue energy. A large number of these generators were used to form a force field around Taekhned's enormous underwater laboratory on Hulptos. Compared to supernatural barriers, the force fields produced by this device can be dissipated comparatively easily when powerful force is exerted upon them (i.e. heavy weapons and explosives can blast through them).
• MetaQuarium Power Generator: These devices are found near MetaQuariums, large containment cells that simulate the environment of another planet. These generators are dually powered by both steam and electricity and pump fresh air, solar energy and simulated weather into the MetaQuariums they are connected to in quantities appropriate for the amount and type of life inside, which they detect automatically. An average–sized MetaQuarium uses around three of them.
MORE CREATURES:
• Daliolet: One of the native creatures of planet Coneforfad in the Gamma Octant. Coneforfad is an unusual planet where refined metal occurs naturally in tremendous quantities and covers much of the surface. Though no humanoids are native to the planet, many races have established colonies on it for the purpose of collecting useful/valuable metals. The creatures there all have some sort of metallic component in them as well a visible antenna that fine–tunes all of their senses, which would be very weak otherwise. The Daliolet is one of the smaller, less complex and least metal–filled of Coneforfad's creatures. It is a three–legged docile mammalian being with a heavily–armored upper body and a large, gaping mouth organ at the top of a brown structure growing from its back which resembles a tumor but is in fact a natural feature. The Daliolets live in a region of the planet where spores that are nutritious to them float around in the air, and they use their mouth organs to inhale these spores. They could not survive in most other environments since it is very difficult if not impossible for them to consume food from the ground.
This is the type of animal that can be reasonably kept as a pet, and more than a few visitors to Coneforfad have either adopted Daliolets of their own or taken them to be sold to others who might want them. The creature's durability value is about 500.
• Menigunge: Another Coneforfadian creature. Resembling a Nirtrid somewhat but being totally unrelated to those creatures biologically, the Menigunge is a surprisingly intelligent and resourceful beast and scavenger that waddles around on two slabs of flesh that serve as its feet and scours the area for food and shelter. It will eat almost anything and everything it can. The creature has a multicolored fatty and blobby lower body and a tall head structure that gradually collects stray traces of electric energy from the air and stores up this energy in the metal rods within the Menigunge's body. When a sufficient amount of said electricity is gathered, it can be discharged at will through the metallic structure on one of the creature's arms, which is its primary method of attack. When it lacks the required amount of energy, it can alternatively attack by butting with its metal–filled head structure. The electric shock mechanism is randomly on either the left or right arm. Menigunges also have not one but two external antennae, with the extra one further enhancing their senses and giving them a considerable advantage over most other creatures in this department. They usually have durability values of between 400 and 600.
• Whaldort: Like the previous two entries, this creature also hails from Coneforfad. The Whaldort is one of Coneforfad's more exciting beasts, as its body consists of almost 50% metal, which shows in its interesting and unique abilities as well as its unusual body shape. In its default, dormant position, it vaguely resembles a disembodied foot and leg. When the Whaldort awakens, two eyes, two stubby arms and four wheels on the "foot" are revealed. These wheels are one of the creature's metal components, and allow it to move around at speeds of sixty miles per hour or more using just two of them. In addition, it can lean itself backward, allowing itself to move on all four wheels. In this form, its speed is even greater, being able to reach the ninety MPH mark with enough acceleration, and it is also able to move through very tight spaces. The other "special abilities" of the Whaldort that derive from its wheels include spinning around with its arms, which are almost completely made of metal, held out, resulting in a powerful attack, and creating a trail of sparks on the ground as it moves, especially on metal surfaces. The Whaldort's durability value is 800, which is augmented by the fact that there is so much metal in its body.
EVEN MORE CREATURES:
• SluthHona: A small and friendly herbivore amphibian creature from the planet Nonfialy, home of the chaotic Ojohkeys. They are stout, hunchbacked animals that dwell in and around the planet's many swamps and marshes, mainly making their homes inside small–moderate sized craters which are the result of an orbital bombardment of Nonfialy that occurred prior to the appearance of life there, and have four limbs like humanoids, though they do not qualify as beast–hominids due to their nonstandard heads, which blend into their upper torsos and thus do not have easily discernible endpoints. These heads can also retract back into said torsos when SluthHonas are threatened. They have three long, slender digits on each hand/foot, complex designs on their bodies (which contain a fiber resembling gold and sometimes even have parts jutting out on the side), antenna–based eyes and ears, plated backs that are harder than the rest of their bodies, and a single glowing thorn on their tops. They are intelligent enough to make distinct, meaningful gestures towards one another, but do not make any verbal noises. SluthHonas' durability values range from 400 to 600, and they are between three and four feet tall, weighing just over one hundred pounds on average.
• Pearloerd: One of God's most violent mortal creations, and one of the only mortal beings that can not only survive in the vacuum of space but actually lives there. The Pearloerd is not native to any planet, for the original spores of its creation were originally dispersed onto several otherwise lifeless moons and asteroids throughout the Prime Galaxy around which the first of its kind made their initial homes. These early Pearloerds dwelled around there for a while before discovering their amazing ability to flat–out defy the normal laws of physics and move through space at several hundred miles per hour. This ability, as well as the ability to breathe in space, is due to magic rather than any biological feature. Given the shape of their bodies (see below), Pearloerds normally would not be able to do these amazing things otherwise. After discovering their powers, they began making their way towards nearby planets in search of substantial food. Being highly efficient omnivores, they were provided by the heavens with simple plants to eat prior to this. However, these just barely kept the Pearloerds alive long enough for them to move on to better sources of food, and from the beginning they craved more, as they were (and still are) ambitiously vicious creatures. The beasts began periodically descending upon various planets throughout the Prime Galaxy, and using their final magical power to be discovered, the ability to emit both fire energy and ice energy from their mouths simply by roaring, to massacre and feast upon local wildlife before returning to space, where they would fly around and explore the galaxy for a time before visiting planets again when they were again hungry. This pattern of behavior continues to this very day. Pearloerds can kill and eat dozens of creatures at one time, for they have very large bellies, and this amount of food keeps them satiated for several days. They only attack and eat non–sapient animals and are disinterested in humanoids, with one notable exception (see below). Conversely, humanoids tend to simultaneously fear and admire the beasts, in part because it is very rare to see one unless one ventures into space.
Physically, the Pearloerds are vaguely draconic monsters with long, thick necks, massive heads and proportionately small bodies with three short, stubby arms. Because of their magical properties, the patterns on their bodies are particularly bright and complex. They average over five meters in length and can weigh up to one thousand pounds, and their durability value is around 3,000. They live for about 200 years and do not reproduce until near the end of their lifespans, so there have been only a limited number of generations of them. Pearloerds also tend to have short, unkempt beards. One special mutant Pearloerd had a particularly pronounced beard and was thus labeled "Balt the Beard". Balt the Beard was the only Pearloerd to ever deliberately attack humanoids, was twice the size of a normal one, and was slain in Age 690 by Connor Thorn.
• Sybruchar: Sybruchars are humanoid demons that are so completely sub–corporeal that they do not exist at all in the physical realm, but only in the mental realm. Roughly 1,200 of them exist. Their experiences take place in an ethereal parallel plane that is empty apart from the detectable presences of the minds of any and all thinking, sentient beings, which are a Sybruchar's only means of interaction with the rest of the Nava–Verse. These demons can usually only enter one's mind when the victim is asleep and the mind cannot focus on shielding itself from interference. However, in rare cases they have been able to enter the minds of subjects who were awake but in states of confusion, severe nervousness or stupidity. Once inside a mind, the Sybruchar launches an attack on its victim's psyche from within, usually manifesting within the dream being experienced by a sleeping victim and assaulting the person's dream avatar. The trauma resulting from this attack can have varying effects, all highly unpleasant, ranging from severe brain damage to comas to insanity to death. The Sybruchar can be stopped by either waking up, or taking control of one's dream and fighting off the demon's manifestation within it. This results in the monster being flung from the person's psyche to a far away point in its native realm. An individual can only be attacked by a Sybruchar once, for one of the fiend's few standards is to not assault the same person more than once. Even if it were to break this unspoken rule, most races' brains develop an immunity to similar experiences after being infiltrated once, even if they were damaged.
The creatures can also interact with other Sybruchars they cross paths with in their native plane of existence, and they make exchanges about their endeavors in an indecipherable gurgling language exclusive to the Sybruchar race, sometimes sharing information about nearby potential victims to prey upon. Sybruchars can float through space at speeds of thousands of miles per hour to accommodate for the vast empty distances between planets, and are extremely perceptive, being able to detect all living things within at least a five hundred mile radius at all times. Their forms are lanky and unnatural in posture, with five–fingered claw on one hand and blood–caked scissor–scythes in place of the other hand. Their faces consist of striated voids with bright, pupilless eyes that are said to stare all the way into the very soul of whoever is looked upon by them. Though the demon itself cannot permanently be killed no matter what, the manifestation of the Sybruchar that appears in dreams and must be destroyed within the dream to avoid being harmed by it has a durability value of about 2,000. Also note that no new Sybruchars appear to have come into being since the demons first appeared, as there is no need for the race to reproduce since they cannot die. No other species of being shares this same immortality.
BONUS WEAPONS:
• Xcythestian Injector Pulse Dagger
• Skellen Arm–Mounted Acid Spitter
GUESS WHAT? STILL MORE CREATURES:
• Gurtittaur: A demon of moderate power that exists in limited numbers on and around the Capitol of Evil within the City of Drenn. It is considered to be a very "direct" minion of Meth Stoph, but is not a direct creation of the brutish demon lord, of which there is no such thing, and is also thought to be one of the oldest types of demon in the Nava–Verse, possibly even predating the Dark Lord it is associated with. Gurtittaurs, of which only about one hundred exist, are inorganically metallic beings that possess roughly humanoid upper bodies but stand and walk on near–flat bases with four legs in a manner similar to typical chairs or tables. While being intelligent and able to comprehend the words and speech of others, they themselves can only vocalize in monstrous growls and bellows.
The role of the Gurtittaurs, and indeed the singular purpose for their very existence, is to serve as the prime smiths and forgers of darkly supernatural weaponry and other equipment for the rest of demonkind, a job which all of their innate skills and abilities lend themselves towards. Touching nearly any part of a Gurtittaur's body will (at a minimum) burn the flesh of basically any mortal, for the demons are filled with and exude a molten form of Infernal Energy that is even more violently fiery than any "normal" flame or lava for most but to whose volatility demonic beings (and the Underworld–native materials used to construct the weapons it crafts) are immune. Their chests in particular act as perpetually–active furnaces, and the Gurtittaur's endless production of molten material is such that the demon will never run out of fire and coal, but will not overflow with excesses of it, either; it automatically consumes and generates its "fuel" at comparable, stable rates. The right "hand" of the Gurtittaur consists of a powerful and unbreakable hammer's head, below which rests a small, fine–streamed welding–and–heating torch, while the left "hand" is a solid yet shapeless flame that can, in accordance with the demon's will, be used both to physically hold onto objects, including additional smithing tools, and as a large blowtorch.
The only discernible physical difference between individual Gurtittaurs are the precise shapes of their right–hand hammers, which vary in form and functionality just as other such tools do. They all share a consistent durability value of 1,500, and have never been known to leave the City of Drenn, let alone enter the mortal realm.
• Bassotso: A relatively small but highly dangerous, at least in proportion to its size, beast–hominid predator present on Lazberon. It has/had long been a major hazard for Latpazats, but this is not so much the case nowadays due to their improved technology and more secure settlements. Bassotsos are upright arthropods standing just under four feet tall on average and usually living in small, roaming packs. With basic horns and claws and standard bodily composition, they are of "merely" average resilience (~600–700 durability value) and attack strength, but boast great speed and stamina as well as even greater tenacity, chasing down intended prey more ruthlessly and over longer distances than the average predatory animal. In addition, male Bassotsos exclusively possess long, segmented tails with large stingers used to impale potential prey and inject a weak venom that actually tends to be less problematic than the physical damage usually caused by the sheer massive size of the stinger itself. A major "weak spot" of the male creature has been observed to lie in a small, red, almost inflamed–looking segment that bridges the outermost "normal" segment of the tail and the stinger piece proper and will register with immense pain if properly struck, though doing so is usually so difficult, given the "weak point"'s obscure position, that taking advantage of it is rarely practical. Besides the absence of the additional asset and potential weakness entailed by the tail and stinger, female Bassotsos are nearly indistinguishable from males on the surface, and are just as strong and vicious in other regards.
Again, Bassotsos are generally hostile to Latpazats; though the all–female humanoids do not seem to actually be on the "diet" of the beasts, the creatures are so easily threatened and aggravated by almost any being besides their own kin that, in terms of practice, they might as well be. As also mentioned above, though, deaths caused by them among the Latpazat population are currently considered to be at an all–time low thanks to better equipment and security in/on/around cities and roads. The initial version of the now–famous "Big Bella" multi–barrel shotgun was originally designed for the specific purpose of fighting off Bassotsos, with the successfully–met goal being to make it feasible to kill more than one of them with a single firing of the weapon.
• Shrigammy: A mostly harmless pudgy omnivore creature found on Ithpinbo. Shrigammies are found in the planet's more moist and mossy regions that are mainly situated in the Southeastern quadrant of its geography, tending to make their homes in caves, ditches or hollowed–out trees. While each adult generally operates alone, the creatures are abundant in these areas, and whenever at least one Shrigammy is visibly present, others are probably nearby. This animal stands around one meter tall, with a fat, rounded torso and a barely–distinct head with a single eye and large, thick, red lips forming the mouth, which often emits a deep vocalization that has often been onomatopoetically labelled as the "WARB". Its ears consist of small protrusions positioned roughly to the sides of its eye, which provide sub–par but adequate hearing. The Shrigammy is hairless except for small patches of fuzz on its belly and chin, and its flesh is squishy and moist, yet hard to puncture due to its flexibility and strong tissue bonds. The average durability value for a grown specimen is about 600.
Shrigammies possess large, jagged, gnarled feet and, more noticeably still, short but very muscular arms with small numbers of large, black cactus–like thorns over their lengths and ending in surprisingly well–developed five–fingered hands. In addition to being a passive–supportive defense mechanism for the creature, these "arm–thorns" also secure major internal blood pockets of the Shrigammy, and will cause major bleeding if ever severed, though they are very firmly rooted, similarly to teeth. The risk of the creature being cut by its own thorny structures is low, due to its aforementioned resistance to puncturing.
Shrigammies tend to be very lazy creatures, often sleeping for more than half of any given day–night cycle's length. They are of limited relevance to the affairs of Wevaracti and other humanoid beings, as they do not seem to care if any jewels in or around their territories are taken so long as they themselves are left alone.
"Heart of Amishland"
MINIATURE AMISH FARM
Intercourse, Penna.
Handcrafted by an Old Order Amishman, this re-production of an authentic Pennsylvania Dutch Farm is displayed in Rutt's Gift and Antiques Shop, Intercourse, Penna. Open to visitors, the farm features and operating, water-powered grist mill.
Country Studio of Photography
Mel Norse Photography
23231
CAPA-016039
"Heart of Amishland"
INTERCOURSE, PENNSYLVANIA
Sharing its fame with other quaint Dutch Country villages, Intercourse, Penna. is the geographical center of the Lancaster County Amish Community.
Copyright — 1969 Melvin J. Horst
Witmer, Penna.
Pub. by Mel Horst Photography, Witmer, Penna. 17585
Postmarked September 21, 1970, at Intercourse; addressed to Mr. & Mrs. Erman Abbott & Family at 26 Central Ave. in Jamestown, New York.
Message:
Hi —
This sure is beautiful Country! We are camped near here & are touring the area today – So relaxing! Lovely weather!
[signed] Alice & Norm
Regular exercise and sexual activity is an important part of a healthy lifestyle which can make you look good, feel good, and live longer, with less disease and illness related problems. Relationships are another important part of a healthy life, and ‘sexercising’ on a fitness ball can help strengthen your relationships as well as your body and mind; incorporating ‘sexercise’ programs will add fun and fitness for both male and female participants.
These three hashers intend to abandon the ship before it goes down. Hash Hotel is their next destination.
It was,admittedly, a stunning view from the top. There simply MUST be an easier way to get here though
As a fitting climax, here are two representatives of the local hash. Good-bye from NorthSouth Intercourse '13. See you in two years. May the Hash go in Peace.
First Beer Check was at the spread belonging to Ram Pam,Thank You Ma'am and Cockiss. On a chilly Paso Robles evening, warm drinks were quite a hit.
On-out was a casual affair. The only ones that ran were those Southern Californians that found a temperature barely above fifty as 'unacceptable for merely walking'!
On-out was even more lackadaisical on Sunday that it was on Friday. Some people may have been burning the candle on both ends this weekend!
I think this harriette must have stolen this sign. She looks neither homeless nor hungry. I say that even though she has a PBR in hand.
It would appear that Hash Flash is not a FRB today. That's okay as long as these worthless bastards have not sucked up all the beer yet.
Image: Portion of Roundabout noticeboard
Text below is the second in a series of five monthly reports I sent back to friends in 2007.
Should you be interested, recommend that they be read in order, to get the best out of them.
Notes from Christmas Island [CI]
Chapter 2
AUGUST 2007
Six weeks have elapsed since our arrival on Christmas Island, Indian Ocean 6798.
Our Christmas Island is one of a couple of Christmas Island’s on the planet.
As indicated above we are in the Indian Ocean or proudly rise above the Indian Ocean.
If an atlas is not handy, we are to the west of Australia, to those geographically challenged we are away from Australia in the direction that the sun goes down.
The Christmas Island in the Pacific Ocean is not us, which also goes by the name of Kiribati and it is where there was Atomic and Hydrogen Bomb testing after WW2.
Don’t get us confused.
That’s not to say it hasn’t got confused in the past.
Mail can go the wrong place and the delay is significant, let’s say weeks to months.
Nominating the correct ocean on the bottom of a letter is not a wasted effort.
Some say, that in the fifties, a ship radioed in for permission to enter our harbour to deliver parts for a nuclear weapon, only to be told that they should give the Christmas Island in the Pacific Ocean a try first.
In the time we have been here and the two-ish weeks since Chapter 1 we have established ourselves, socially, to a much greater extent.
Our circle of friends and acquaintances is developing.
Our experiences and knowledge is increasing.
There have been five prime drivers of this social intercourse.
- Old contacts
I have been to CI four times.
Fourteen months in 1990 as a full time resident and employed on island.
One and a half months 1993 employed on island.
One week in 2006 on holidays, to buy a block of land.
Current visit, one and a half months so far, on holidays and to be employed.
My friends from 1990 still number about seven or eight with another twenty or so people I recognise sufficiently to have a short conversation with.
- The Bank
My old CI employer, a bank is the only one on island and I have some common ground with the staff there.
Plus Jody and I have worked with the current bank manager many years ago in Perth.
The Loan Arranger has been a great source of friendship and assistance to us from the moment she was lined up behind us at the flight check in counter, in Perth, trying to get a outrageously long fishing rod purchased for her husband onto the plane without incurring excess baggage.
- Hash House Harriers (a running group)
This is a mammoth story in itself.
Story there for Chapter 3
- Tourism
I visit CITA, Christmas Island Tourism Association, very frequently.
This is one of two locations of Internet access to the general public.
Being 2600 km away from the mainland we use satellite Internet access.
The bandwidth is not very wide so access is slower than broadband but not too bad really.
CITA has 24 hour Wifi access.
What this means is that at any time day or night I can take my laptop and wirelessly send or receive emails or check the web, even if the building is closed and the staff have gone.
The bench outside CITA is directly above the ocean. There can’t be that many places worldwide for public Internet access that could possibly have a better location.
During the day great views of the ocean are there to be seen as the Indian Ocean [not the Pacific] ebbs and flows below and towards the horizon.
After dark the cooler breeze wafts past delightfully.
The darkness also makes the screen easy to see.
CITA staff, are very friendly to all. They appreciate the fact that to come to Christmas Island can cost more than other destinations.
But, they and we know that CI has much to offer and few leave disappointed.
It is all about perceptions and expectations.
Expect a resort like the over water chalets of Bora Bora in Tahiti then crushing disenchantment will be your companion.
Or be planning to see slick and glitzy town like Las Vegas, you will not find it.
Plan to see a charismatic, working island with magnificent wildlife, rainforest and geophysical splendour, this is your place.
Through CITA we have got to know most of those involved in tourism and met many visitors.
-Friendliness and openness of the locals
You should recall, if you were paying attention to Chapter One, of a serious water leak within our unit upon and after our arrival on the island.
Until the plumber arrived to start the long process of locating the source of the leak, the only way to stem the flow was to use towels.
Like all other interior domestic chattels they were in limited supply.
After our first Hash House Harrier run we were offered a spare room in someone’s own house, for up to two weeks free of charge pending the repair of the leak.
This was no half-baked dwelling, this was an absolute waterfront property!
They lady who so kindly offered this to us had only met us ten minutes before. Wow.
However we graciously declined the offer as we wanted to get the unit organised.
Casually mentioning elsewhere that water leaks were stretching the absorption rates of the few towels we had, resulted in a set of old towels appearing the next day neatly folded at our front door. Nice.
Here’s another one:
My cousins visited CI in early August, both of them were born here around the mid 60's and left in 1974.
This was the first time they have returned and they loved it.
The boys and I are second cousins, if I have worked it out correctly.
It goes like this, my father’s, father’s brother is their father’s father.
This is where I get to the point, so my second cousin, [let’s just go with cousin, it’s easier] the younger one, wanted to see his old house, his old room, where he spent the first eight years of his life.
With his family in tow, we drove around to the house, which excluding the decking much is the same.
He explained his situation to the lady who answered the door asking if could he come in and look around his / their house.
No problems, in they went and had a good poke around.
Elsewhere that mightn’t always be the outcome. Lovely.
One of the nicest facets of a small and isolated community is that when driving, we wave to every car and receive a wave back.
Such a simple, friendly gesture.
If three cars passed by none of them wave we start to wonder if we have unwittingly offended the whole island population.
We also say hello, as we pass by one and all in the street, it is pleasant.
A month and a half in, a trip to the supermarket can take quite some time as conversations down every aisle can occur.
We know enough people now that the gossip we hear is meaningful.
Before making my next point, a rather lengthy description of the island’s geographic layout is necessary.
This might take some time and space. But that’s ok, it is going to take me more time to write this than for you to read it, what with all the text, layout, continuity, grammar and spelling checks.
Please try hard to visualise this as a lush 3 dimensional geographic area with a complex rainforest ecosystem bashed into 2 dimensional text and 1 dimensional jokes.
The island area is 135 square kilometres.
To convert that into square miles, times by 5 and divide by 8.
So, 135 times by 5 would be:
5 times 5 is 25, carry the 2
5 times 3 is 15, add the carried over 2, being 17
5 times 1 is 5, add the carried over 1, being 6
So 135 times by 5 results in 675
675 then divided by 8 (anyone remember manual long division?)
8 into 6 goes 0.
0 times 8 is 0.
6 minus 0 is 6
Drop down the 7
8 into 67 goes 8
8 times 8 is 64
67 minus 64 is 3
Drop down the 5
8 into 35 goes 4
4 times 8 is 32
35 minus 32 is 3
Clearly, the answer 84 with a remainder of 3
To show as decimal, 3 divided by 8 produces 3 and 3/4
So simply, the answer is 84.375
Of course I think it would be ok to round down to the closest full integer, so the answer is 84.
And as we are talking square miles, then 84 square miles it is.
But who works in square miles these days, anyway?
For your perspective CI is:
- three times larger than Rottnest Island
- one fifth the area of Singapore
- almost three time the size of Hong Kong island, whether you subscribe to the One China, Two Systems policy or not.
- over twice the size of Sydney Harbour
- one and a half times the size of Manhattan Island
Next is the shape of CI
Picture a dog . . .
Closest is a Scottish Terrier. I kid you not.
There has actually been official Government reports produced for Parliament of Australia in which the region of the residential areas are described somewhat muttly as “Dogs Head”
As I type this, Jody has just pointed out that the dog even has a “sheath”, making it a male dog island.
I wasn’t aware of this till now. Hadn’t crossed my mind.
Jody said it is the first thing she noticed when she saw a map. Well, I never. . . . .
Back to non-biological information.
There are five suburbs:
Kampong, Settlement, Silver City, Poon Saan and Drumsite.
I use the term “suburb” flippantly.
Each suburb on average has only three hundred people.
The Kampong, closest and lowest point to the ocean near to the port area and location of the original settlement.
Historically this has been the home of the Malay population and their mosque.
The Malays were bought to the island as one group of workers for the phosphate mining that drove the island’s economy for a century.
The Settlement is the main business area, primary supermarket location, the one and only petrol station, port location, Government offices and CITA office.
It was the residential area historically for many European mine workers, government, medical and other staff and the area that we are currently staying.
Up the long, steep hill is Silver City an area developed in the sixties during an island infrastructure expansion.
These houses were made with flat roofs and aluminium sheeting for walls that gave Silver City it’s name.
Louvres were also built in to allow cooling breezes to flow through.
About ten years ago the government, at great public expense, developed an extension to this area lower down in Silver City.
This is the area that we bought the block of land last year.
In my opinion, whether you consider it important or not, the lower part of Silver City is the best location on the island, short of an absolute waterfront property in Settlement.
At ninety metres above sea level our block is a recipient of the wonderful evening breezes.
Above Silver City is Poon Saan, meaning “half hill” in Chinese.
This is the area between the lower Kampong / Settlement coastal areas and the higher Drumsite.
Poon Saan was traditionally the living area of the Chinese mine workers and location of the outdoor cinema.
Finally high up on the hill is Drumsite,
Named for the drums, which coiled the cables, that winched the rail carts from Settlement far below, up to the top of the island.
This was prior to the road being built in the middle of last century.
As you can see most of the names are of a practical nature.
To drive from Settlement or the Kampong to anywhere else requires a transit around the roundabout.
And at the roundabout, is The Noticeboard.
Beyond telling someone a secret, the most efficient manner of getting a message across to the community is to use the Noticeboard.
Attached to the side of a building The Noticeboard is a series large school type blackboards.
Chalk is a freely acquirable commodity and anything may be written.
Upcoming island events are listed as are birthdays, goodbyes, special offers, items for sale, what the upcoming movie is, where the next Hash run is, missing dogs, the list is endless.
It is self-censoring and how interesting a message is, depends on how long it lasts.
No one is in control, no permission is required, just don’t make it obscene, offensive or slanderous and it can stay till it get superseded.
Traffic around The Roundabout is usually walking pace as vehicular occupants take the time to read what is new.
That, by the way was the point I was going to make where I needed an explanation of the island layout.
For your information, the rainforest and remnants of mining are everywhere else.
More on rainforest, mining and the wildlife next time.
I mentioned in Chapter 1 how houses and cars are left unlocked.
With our mountain bikes, we ride to where we want to go, lay down the bike, put the bike helmet on the handlebars and upon completion of our task the bikes will always be there when we get back.
Bike locks, haven’t seen one yet.
By the way, many thanks for the responses to Chapter 1.
It was rewarding to find that most were coherent and enlightening.
And where my global weather stereotypes were not stereotypical, thanks for the advice.
To answer a question asked, Christmas Island was named on Christmas Day 1643.
First recorded sighting was 1615, the year before Dirk Hartog, landed on Australia.
CI is unusual in that there was no indigenous population.
More history another time.
By the way, I found some casual employment too.
This part is so cool.
From now on you can refer to me as Christmas Island Jungle Tour Guide or on more formal occasions, Mr Guide.
And to the question I received via text message late last week from a friend, enquiring as to whether I would now be known as Tarzan, the answer is: No.
I have acted as unofficial tour guide to anyone I met who had come to Perth and even here on CI.
However now I can show off this great island to a greater number of people in an official capacity and receive fiscal renumeration.
Let’s hope the tourist numbers are steady so everyone comes out a winner.
My first tour of three and a half hours was for a very nice couple from Germany.
Did I have enough to show them and did I have enough to talk about?
Sure did.
They were so impressed they bought the company.
No they didn’t, but they did enjoy the tour and did buy me lunch,
Fried Bee Hoon with gravy from the Chinese Literary Association, which is also the noodle hut.
Only after we returned did I tell them that they were my first tour.
They asked where did I get all my training?
Told them that charisma can’t be taught, or I should have said that.
Getting the facts straight on the island features can be learned and I know my fair share.
Some people want to know the answers to questions like:
Should we see a Doctor, now that I snapped my ankle falling off that rock pinnacle?
&
Since I put my finger in the claws of a robber crab, can it be sewn back on?
Well, I just know, my tourists are smarter than that!
They will be, for sure. They won’t be dopey, whiney or needy.
They will desire a feel of the island, the workings, the history and the stories.
We’re going to have a great time.
It has just started to rain.
Rain in a rain forest is a wonderful thing.
Right now we are in the dry season so consistent rain is not the case now.
In a month or two there will be plenty of rain.
Like anywhere else, when it rains it seems like a renewal has swept through.
I love running in the rain up here, keeps things cool.
Getting soaked when running is fabulous.
Think I might go for a run and come back to this later. . . .
. . . Later . . .
Cannot wind this up without a reference to the current weather:
Sometimes it gets sufficiently cool at night, we have to put a sheet on the bed and those those of you in the midst of a cold winter you know how good that must sound.
Consider Chapter 2 unexpectedly finished.
Time for bed.
Thank you and Goodnight
Keith
Deep Chocolate and Lacy Bitch Britches prepare to throw a couple of balls into the alley, something I feel certain they've done many times before.
I took this photo out the car window as we drove through Amish country near Intercourse, PA (no, I'm not making up that town name). Scenes like this are still very common in this part of the US, though I felt like I was in a different country. I find it interesting that their hay baler is horse-drawn, but the baler machine itself is automated. If you look closely you can spot their dog tagging along.
You can buy prints here or see more of my photos.
Eagles, Turkeys and Walkers listen to instructions of Trail before heading on-out. Instructions proved inadequate at best and out-and-out lies at worst.
Second Beer Check would split the Eagles and the Turkeys apart. Decision time yet again and your Hash Flash is ill-equipped to make intelligent decisions!