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“You use a glass mirror to see your face; you use works of art to see your soul..”--George Bernard Shaw.
i give up..actually i gave up awhile ago.
its like trying to be warm in a land full of snow.
and i have alot of problems.. but they dont show.
ill keep them to myself , because i dont want to drown anyone else in my pain.
and sometimes it accidently spills out and im lost in a puddle of shame.
dont know what im supposed to do . its like a game.
i swear i cant win this , i dont know how to play..
theres no instructions to life , i am right ,right? i just know that i cant stay.
i cant stay here, i dont belong..
but the only other way i can ease this is kid cudis songs.
and then again it only helps me know that theres someone out there like me.
i dont smoke weed but were both lonely. i have everything , i should be happy..
i am happy, but i loose myself at night.. its like my souls gone out on flight.
and the storm gets worse and worse.. i cant see anything. and the moons the only thing in sight.
its reaching out to me .. i know it is .
i think im going nuts.. i dont know what i am.. i dont know who i am..
you can call me crazy , but i already know that man.
everyone here on this planet has the same problem.. we just keep it to ourselves.
thats alright , because one day youll get fed up and youll be piling the anti depressents on the shelves.
they say they understand .. and its funny because alls they do is
nod there head and put a drug prescrpition in your hand.
itll numb your brain , but inside your souls going absolutly insane..
sitting on the floor in a puddle of shame. - mj
~ `.~`.~`.~`.~`.~`.~`.~`.~`.~`.~`.~`.~`.~`.~`.
lastnight i was honestly ready to give up
im in love .. with this boy..
and he hurt me ..
and lastnight i found out my bestfriend liked me.. and i ended up hurting him the same way that the guy i love did.. it hurt so much.. seeing him be so upset.. i remembered saying the same words to the guy i love. telling him id be okay.. but look at me now.
im a mess.. i went to his house last week at 4 in the morning bawling my eyes out.. he made me so happy..
btw. the moons my home now.. so im always in a land full of stars away from everyone ..
facts about this photo.. i was actually balling my eyes out.. and it says i give up on my hand.
As promised by lensrental.com, the Nikon 14-24mm f/2.8 ED is a super sharp lens with an amazing dof. Fairly sharp in spite of the fog over and in front of the mountain range along the coast.
However, I will admire the results as more advanced photographers use it. I had fun making the keyboard of my piano smile and trying to account for the many skewed angles in this shot of the melting and frozen Cook Inlet. If the compulsion comes again and I want to squish those magnificent mountain ranges, I have an old 20mm f/2.8 lens for grins.
Thanks for looking and for all of your previous fun comments. I appreciate them and you. No need to click or "fave"—I prefer comments and a small gaggle of virtual friends ;)
Nikon D810, Nikon 14-24mm f/2.8 ED, 15mm
f/3.5; 1/3200/; ISO 100
Manual exposure, tripod
wants to say hello!
Today's soundtrack: Maracatu atômico - Gilberto Gil
ps: NOT a macro, just a crop.
Ha...
So this is me and my niece Daisy last weekend.
The resolution is shotty, and don't ask me why I'm wearing my sunglasses in the dining room. (cos ya'll know she's only wearing her moms cos I was wearing mine.......)
Fact of the matter is that this was just too darn cute not to label a keeper.
Oh, and yeah, Blondes DON'T have more fun.
(if you think so, ya never met me....haha)
.
Abused, Abandoned Jungle Dogs.
Poor Mr Boney. Not really, this is just
what they do, all day an all night ;-)-
Little Larry did a quick K-9 ju-jitsu
move on Mr Boney Baloney as
he's proven to be much faster.
Mr Boney has taught Mr Larry well.
But lets not forget Mr Boney Baloney
took on two massive pachyderms
single handedly an chased-em
off of his personal property.
And he is a one eyed
old jungle dog.
Thank You.
Jon&Crew.
Please help with your temple dog donations here.
www.gofundme.com/saving-thai-temple-dogs.
Please,
No Political Statements, Awards, Invites,
Large Logos or Copy/Pastes.
© All rights reserved.
.
I'm not too happy with this one, it wasn't the grand vision that i had imagined, and i cheated.
Right i got some bubble gum the other week with a plan to do a bubble blowing shot....i had done my research, as i haven't blown a bubble for years. as advised, i had put 5 sticks in my mouth and chewed until the sugar had gone. and try as i might, i just couldn't get a bubble to blow bigger than 1cm.
then alison came up and after she finished taking the mickey, she tried and the same thing, it was just splitting.....so in a fit of rage i stormed down the shops to get some balloons....and then when i set up the shot i realised that i had not switched the flash off from the beach yesterday and i had no more batteries charged.....F*&$!
anyway this is the best that i could manage, its OK, i'll live with it.......
D200, Sigma 10-20, sb-600 on virtually no power, remote, some cheap arse balloons from the corner shop
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If i knew my place should i leave it there
Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere
3-52 weeks
If I had a dollar for every time he came over and gave me his paw i would be a rich rich woman. His paw is actually on my shoulder here but I have my hand over it. I am certain he was my lover in a past life. He completely ignores my husband and OBSESSES over me! He was MY birthday gift and he's stickin' to it. :-)))
You must view it large to see his precious face!
Lady ...sings the blues! You must listen to Regina.....rainy day song for you all. You wont be disappointed!
i want to stop my 52 weeks project.
i'm late with uploading my photo, nearly every week and i don't like the feeling to know, i have to upload a photo on every sunday.
it feels like it's a duty to take photos and not like a hobby. i don't want that.
i'll might start again one day, and hold on, but not now. sorry.
Okay. So, for 14 years now, I have over various times attempted to introduce small family rituals from MY family into the in-laws family. All have met with rejection. I know this sounds crazy, but all I am really asking for is one small ritual (either from my family or even a brand new one) that is well, mine. Something small that is my part of the holiday season (or really, even part of one of the big four-Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas,or New Years). For heaven's sake, I married into the family, and they really don't have super-strong traditions, is it too much to ask to include one little thing for the poor girl who is 2000 miles away from her clan? FOR EXAMPLE:
Attempted:
My Aunt Linda's "divided" eggs at East (LOL, Aunt Linda never could spell): rejected the first year.
Christmas Sugar cookies (HUGE Christmas thing in my family--I made cookies and icing from scratch): tried at least twice, ignored.
Christmas Morning cinnamon rolls (made by me, prepared bread dough rolls, icing by scratch): tried at least twice, ignored. Again,a HUGE tradition in my family.
Christmas Eve/Day/ETC (whenever the fam celebrates Christmas) movie, paid for by me: tried once, failed any time after that
Halloween pumpkin seeds: unmitgated disaster, don't even ask.
New Years' Eve? Sometimes Games and Alcohol (dear lord, help me); tried to declare it an evening for just Carter and me with various activities--ALL failed miserably (I guess I should note that apparently, heavy drinking and board games are a family tradition on New Years. It should be noted that this evening generally ends up in fighting over stuff that happened 40 years ago and no one really cares about (EX: who melted whose toys in the Betty Crocker oven, etc).
In fact, the only holiday tradition that has taken root at ALL (because generally in the in-laws household, there ARE no traditons--some years, there's a tree, some not. Sometimes we do Chaunnakah (I misspelled that, I know LOL), some not, some years Christmas is on Christmas, sometimes it's a week later, etc, etc) are the goddamned mother f&cking Chrismas socks that--you guessed it--I knit (Carter? he does nothing for Christmas. It's MY job do do all the family gifts--mine and his--make sure they're shipped on time, wrap, buy, choose, etc--ALL MY JOB). I wanna make this clear, here. My younger brothers have grown from LITTLE boys to young MEN and I haven't been there. I have a 10 yo niece I have NEVER MET. I am sad. I am lonely. I am isolated from my family.
Anyway, after 14 years of MY family and MY family's traditions (or even my attempts to create a new one) being shunted aside and irrelevant. . .BOYS AND GIRLS, I FUCKING GIVE UP.
You read that right. I GIVE UP. I knit the goddamned Christmas socks, I will wrap them and send them off (er, I DO work in a shipping place), but I can't do it anymore. I am tired of the fake cheer, and pretending that the little things of my childhood don't matter. I am tired of being guilted into spending more that I can afford on people who won't give me ONE OR TWO LOUSY HOURS OF THE YEAR to observe even what they consider fuckin' stupid ritual for the holidays. Is it so much to ask that I want to gather THREE people together to put stupid frosting on stupid homemade cookies for a half an hour ONE time a year so I don't feel quite so sad about my family being 2000 miles away? To eat my aunts "divided" eggs on Easter instead of "deviled" (honest to god people, they're just deviled eggs from a slightly different recipe) ONE time per year without complaint (for the love of all that his holy, they don't even have to EAT them, just not complain!)? Or even just go and see a damned movie at some point in December without begging off?
I swear to GOD, all I am asking for (and HAVE asked for) over the past DECADE is one little ritual to make the ONE AND ONLY displaced inlaw feel just a little less lonely, displaced, and pariah-esqe. I have not been pushy (maybe I should have); just suggesting that this or that might make a nice family tradition
Anyhow. . . I GIVE UP.
I don't think there is anything I can do to make these people understand what one tiny ritual will mean to me. Hubby doesn't get it; tonight ended with sobbing over this issue (as it has for the past 5 years), swearing he will make sure that "the family knows this is IMPORTANT to Meg". . . . and a lack of knowledge that I have broken down in tears over this every December a minimum of 3 times every year for. . .oh, probably the past 10 years.
Honest, I am NOT a high-strung, high-maintance person. If I could get a little acknowledgement from the hubby that I AM REALLY UNHAPPY, and a REAL promise that i could go visit my family ('cause every year about this time, Carter promise that NEXT year we'll spend Christmas with MY family. . . ), I'd be a happy annoying little elf this time of year. But, neither of those things seems likely, and combined with my lack of local friends and relatives, this is a miserable time of year.
So, I decided tonight that I am not. doing. Christmas. this year. I made the socks, I'll wrap them, but you know what? If I can't get a simple small tradition going for ANY holiday amongst this clan. . . .I don't see a reason to honor any of the holidays with them. I am tired of crying my eyes out because I have been rejected or what I thought went so WELL or was so PLEASANT last year they refuse to repeat. Screw them. I don't even choose what restaurant we go to on my birthday, and they would sit and frost cookies with me? No. I quit.
SOOOOOOO. . .UN-MAS.
This is my unofficial holiday. Rules: erm . . .say "Yay, Un-Mas!"? Absolutely no gifts. No Cards. Only sharing of warm, absolutely heartfelt E-mails ( and if they are at your house, booze of whatever variety) allowed. You may have a tree, as long as it is not green, white, red, or blue or any other color associated with a winter holiday. And you don't HAVE to have a tree (or hey, candelabra, or other display OF YOUR CHOOSING) unless you want to and it makes you feel happy. Anything related to Un-mas which makes you unhappy is, of course, strictly prohibited.
***I realize this is very ranty. I apologize, especially if you and your familly have lovely, happy holiday seasons. And I apologize in advance if you are having a sad holiday season because your loved one is in Iraq or has passed away. I am just feeling very sad tonight (er, this morning--it's nearly 3 AM here), as the inlaws and hubby cannot and will not try to empathize with how I feel this time of year)
1/27/09
"A" asked for some chocolate milk when she already had plain milk so I told her she needed to finish it first. She stomps her feet over to her milk takes one little sip and throw's it down. She then tosses herself onto the couch and yells, "I give up!"..... How did my sweet little girl turn into such DRAMA!
Beth: where are the rest of our friends?
Virilya: we are the only ones that did not give into the temptation of material wealth
Beth: but, will they be okay?
Virilya: if we are to free them from Greed's grasp, you must defeat Greed
Beth: am I not doing that already by avoiding all the monies?
Virilya: Greed is a boss
Beth: oh, I get it!
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I aptly titled this set "Eyes Bleed Greed" on the Nexus.
You can see why ._.
i have come to learn i'll only see you interrupting my dreams at night,
and that's alright, that's alright, yeah, that's alright
i should tell you that you were my first love
and it's alright, and it's alright
- ingrid michaelson, the hat
until like... yesterday or the day before this song made me burst into tears every time i thought of it (because i have the peculiar talent of being able to play back just about every song i know perfectly in my mind, i don't really even need an ipod ahaha).
but no, i guess he wasn't my first love. but it was something... big, i don't know.
but that's alright.
the dreams just won't go away, so ..there's my reasoning, i suppose. but you know what, i give up trying to make them. they don't even make me sad anymore, it's just like, "oh, hello, it's you again." so if i don't take them so seriously it's, well, alright.
i am so dissatisfied with this, jk the soft focus seems to have been a success soooo..!
also, my hair? not the result of some awful crop job, that's just the ridiculous lighting. argh argh argh argh argh.
so, this is my first b&w. i don't like to do them for sps because i love my hair being so vibrant, but meh. i wanted this to be really dreamy... and in focus, but i guess we can't always get what we want. rrgh. so, close enough, i guess.
feeling horrid today, really like my back is up against the wall, no makeup, nowhere to hide.
I will try this again because the first time I did it disappered and so did the comments on it, the story of my life.
So in December, I had to deal with this sad idiot of a stalker, who was posting obscene comments on my flickr pictures and writing me incoherent slobbery mails. He stole my profile picture and uses my face to make these remarks. I blocked and reported him several times and he's always come back under a different account. Assumedly he would continue to do so indefinitely.
Jules found that the guy opened yet another account, using Julian's name and my picture, and was smearing his slimy illiterate comments on Jules' pictures. Jules got the mail included below in his flickr mailbox from Sad Idiot. It was stupid enough when it was just me, but spamming my contacts as well is just sad...
Point being, I had to quit flickr. I've made private all of my pictures and left the account. It was the only thing on the internet that I really loved and my favourite online community, and I put a lot of hours into organizing it and writing informative captions, but this really strong and exciting man has managed to, with his godlike powers, ruin it for me and my family. That is very impressive. Maybe he should now go and see if he can make someone else quit.
I'd say everyone should focus their repulsion on Sad Idiot and maybe he'll get run over by a truck, but anyone who pulls this kind of lonely, pointless shit is already so astoundingly pathetic that they deserve only our pity.
This is Sad Idiot's first account, and here are the second, third, and fourth. I'm sure he has others--he clearly doesn't have anything important to do with his life. The email address he uses indicates he is a spammer (unsurprisingly).
Here is the most recent email we got from Sad Idiot. Notice his blatantly criminal threat to follow me (he also threatens us on Julian's site--read the comments above):
From: jullian horny
Subject: do not ignore me
hi sweet erotic annuska,
i like too much your pictures
say what do you like to say and chnge your buddy icon how many times you like i will follow you up where ever you go only if you do not ignore me and my comments , you are genus, your toughts are fantastic but you are some how agrissive with me ,
i will behave good if you do not blog me or ignorining me ,
i do not know why did i choosed you from billions , may be because you are the most similar to my lost love and girlfriend whom married and left me not because i am bad but destiney took her from me ,
she was my soul mate and she is still so but i do not like to disturb her husband as he is jelous , but i found that you are similar to her and her toughts, she likes pictures , erotic , lesbian , porn watching and so i do , i am not sick but describe me if you like and i will not be angry with you as you are angry with me now
it seems like that's the most i'm ever allowed to have. two days.
when they come back, they always leave in two days.
whatever...
i'll get over it in probably two more, anyway.
you can tell i've been biting my nails.
i'm just tired of trying and giving twentieth chances, let alone second, and still getting slapped in the face every time. i should have seen this coming. but for some reason... i didn't.
this is my knitting counter. i use it to count rows in patterns. or, in this case, days.
back to tortured artist mode, i guess.
oh, and just so you guys know, he told his brother's fiance that it was the painkillers that made him do it.
news flash... percocet is just extra-strength tylenol. it does not impair your judgment. but i guess that sheltered fuck would believe that, anyway, so whatever. you pathetic little boy. you can't even admit that you're scared and indecisive... you have to make up excuses instead. interestingly enough, the last month you weren't on painkillers and you still were with me. so... i suppose what she doesn't know can't hurt you. right?
but it sure can hurt me.
on the bright side, i sold some shit on ebay today. bitches.
Before anyone asks, yes, it is...
also looks pretty good on black, also, as well too (press L, now - just do it - let yourself go)
Santeelah Dam - built from 1925 -1928..
"Well heck, I can't remember which yellow wire it was now -- that I need to connect to Terminal 3 on the board."
At the time it seemed like mixing a lucha libre mask with a koi fish was going to be really cool. Then I thought it'd be even cooler to have flames as fins. Well by the time I realized the drawing sucked, it was way to late (I'd already inked it)... so then I added a Photoshop background hoping that'd help. It didn't. It doesn't and it won't... I give up!!!!!