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Wednesday, November 3, 2009
I'm in a mood somewhere between pissed and irritated. I had to fight myself today to take this picture. I just did not want to be photographed today. I'm my own personal paparazzi and I won't leave me alone! After two shots I wanted to quit for the day.
Why the mood: okay, so I'm at work and the gossip/rumor machine is pumping away and I hear some info like they're thinking of promoting so and so and so and so does such a good job and blah, blah, blah and I'm just like, okay, step back, breath. I know the people to whom the info refers to, and I have no qualms about saying they do a good job...it isn't that...I just feel like, well, unappreciated. We have these mandatory meetings once a month and every meeting without fail, these two get some form of recognition. Its been three years, and I have never once heard my name mentioned. I never once got to be employee of the moment in my previous position. They get all these emails back about how great they do at events, and I hear absolutely nothing back from mine even when I'm busting my ass. Its starting to wear on me big time. For gawd sakes, I don't want a trophy, but to hear a genuine thank you would blow my mind, it really would.
My life is exhausting me right now. I'm in it...I'm really in it...and I'm in the trenches...a lot has been going wrong lately and I keep telling myself, just put your head up and keep going, just keep going, but I'm walking backwards on the escalator to no where. I know I have all these qualities, and have a good heart, and all that, but no one sees it. Its all so mediocre...I'm mediocre. I want to kiss my eyelashes together and just sleep right now, but I keep thinking, and analyzing and going over and over and over in my head, what is it about me, that is so unbelieveably unremarkable.