SELF PORTRAIT WITH WOUNDS ON TWO LEGS - after a few months of picking at my legs again I finally went into the hospital mid-December after one wound was becoming infected. I’ve been on IV antibiotics since then, even having to come in on Christmas Day. I’ve also been on oral antibiotics and expect to be on those into the middle of January.

I pick and scratch thanks to the depression that hasn’t gone away. One of the wound clinic doctors said there were meds that could help me lose the desire to scratch at my wounds… he was going to make a referral but I haven’t heard back about anything yet.

I feel broken when I do this. It’s like the junk food I consume. There’s a compulsion behind it that I can’t control. It’s like the insomnia that keeps me up at night, and causes me to sleep all day. One day I need to get up early and push myself to make it through the day during normal hours, no matter how tired I feel. Then maybe I’ll sleep at night normally.

(07/365).

This is my seventh subverted selfie post of 2025, a project where photos and writing present an honest look at my life and some of the struggles I face.

#anxiety #depression #depressionhelp #depressionawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #stress

.

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DAY 1: TAKING THE FIRST STEP

As we begin this month of opening up to seeing ourselves with kindness through our cameras, what are you hoping for?

It’s October & this month I envision cultivating a new relationship with myself. One where I’m kinder, & more gentle with myself. One where I’m more mindful about how I approach experiences & people in my life. One where I remember to get some exercise each week. One where I’m more aware about what I eat. One where I tackle a little bit of the many chores I have to do each & every day. One where I take a moment to breathe & reflect. One where I get things done.

What would you love to feel in this experience?

To that end, there’s something that I would love to feel in this experience - a sense of completion. I don’t want to live a life where my wheels keep spinning in the mud. Today, I envision that the mud is drying & the vehicle that takes me through life is finally able to gain traction again.

Are there certain types of selfies you hope to capture?

As such, I’d like to shoot selfies this month that are creatively interesting, & paired with reflections that help me reveal a little bit of what’s buried in my soul.

IT CAN BE POWERFUL TO GIVE VOICE TO WHAT WE'RE NERVOUS OR FEARFUL OF TOO. WHAT FEARS OR WORRIES ARE ON YOUR MIND?

Of course, I do worry that I won’t finish the things I’ve started. My life seems to be full of that: 1 step forward, & 3 steps back. For once I’d like to take some steps forward, and little to no steps back. That’s always been my biggest fear, where I not only let others down, but myself as well.

By giving them space to be heard and knowing that they might come up again, it can help us begin to diffuse their power over us!

WHAT ARE YOU HOPING FOR IN THE JOURNEY AHEAD THIS MONTH?

Finally, I’m hopeful that my feet heal fully, so I can start my daily walks again. It’s scary to think how I came so close to losing toes on the right side of my foot. I know I shouldn’t have waited so long to seek treatment. I’m not beating myself up for my choices, but I’m going to learn from them.

HAVE YOU TAKEN YOUR PHOTO ALREADY? IF NOT...ARE YOU FEELING RESISTANT? IF SO, IT'S TOTALLY OKAY AND LET'S EXPLORE WHY!

Plus, we're on Day 1 of a class, beginning a process of taking a photo every day! Today is about creating that motion in the process and this space it to let yourself acknowledge the resistance and see what happens next!

Today, I wasn’t sure what kind of photo I should take. I wanted a closer shot of my foot but I was hooked up to my IV when I snapped this picture, so I’m going to live with it.

HOW DID IT FEEL TO TAKE YOUR FIRST STEP?

How did it feel to go for it and take your photo? How did it feel to go past your resistance? What are you excited about in the journey ahead?

I felt apprehensive about the photo I took today. I cringe a little seeing the wrinkles, & the discolouration on some of my nails. My feet look dry, harsh, worn, & old. I need to keep them moisturized, by using cream, & by drinking more water. I’m also apprehensive about posting this photo, but it’s a good starting point for it shows me what I don’t want my feet to look like. With time, care, & attention, they can be healed. They can feel & look great again.

(274/365)

This was originally posted on Instagram.

Today’s photo prompt and reflective journaling questions for today was a part of the BE YOUR OWN BELOVED photo workshop challenge which is run several times throughout the year by photographer VIVIENNE McMASTER. It’s well worth signing up for, and doing alongside other participants.

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November 23, 2023: Once again, insomnia had me up well past 4am today. I slept most of the day, only heading out around one to a nearby cafe to get some split pea soup for my Mother and me. The smoky ham flavour hasn’t settled well in my stomach. A horrible hum has enveloped my head all day leaving me adrift in a blindingly bright grey fog that finds me wanting to slip into a sleep from which I never wake up. Once again, I feel broken, alone, and lost.

At four, I stood naked in my bathroom, looking into the mirror and feeling the gaze of a soulless man haunted by the darkness of the world that surrounds us all. I showered, first turning up the heat to something of a scalding level, wishing it would melt the scabs off my head, my right arm, and right leg. And let’s not forget this pimple that’s appeared below the belt line, as if born from the stumble I took on the roof on Sunday, scraping up my knee and sending a steady shock up my sciatic nerve. I hate getting pimples there, it makes me feel dirty.

It’s now almost six. I’ve pulled over on Viking Way near Cambie Road in Richmond. I’m heading downtown to see a photography show and hopefully see a friend. But the drive along the ninety one took forever, and the dizziness fed by the fumes of never ending traffic left me feeling weak. I had rolled down the window to try and let some fresh air in but fear I did myself worse. At one point tears streamed down my face as my lips quivered and I shouted “I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry!” and “I hate myself so much.”

I thought I was going to pass out. I napped a bit, and then created a privacy stall with the two passenger side doors of my SUV to try and obscure the pee I so desperately had to take. I still feel slightly dizzy. I sip some water, feeling the cold grooves of the plastic Aquafina bottle in my hand as I stare through my now foggy windshield. I turn on the engine to let forced air start to clear the windows.

I think part of my issue today can be attributed to the junk I’ve consumed almost daily now for the last few weeks, during the movies I’ve seen almost everyday.

I feel so alone, unable to shake this depressive veil of self-hatred.

(327/365).

I was in my car sipping lukewarm English Breakfast tea with a splash of 2 percent milk. It was stronger than I prefer, as I let the teabag sit in it for 2 hours. I felt sweat slipping down my forehead as the sun bore down on the windshield.

I woke at 7 & took my morning mix of meds: 2 antidepressants; Amlodipine, Aspirin, Atorvastatin, & Clopidogrel for my heart; as well as Glyburide & Metformin for my diabetes. I also took several supplements: vitamins A, B-Complex, C, D, E, & K; Chlorella; Collagen; Echinacea; Magnesium; Milk Thistle; Selenium; Spirulina; Turmeric; & Zinc.

I brushed my teeth & had a quick but awkward shower: my left leg standing outside of the stall to keep my bandaged foot dry. The rest of my naked body stood under the warm stream of water running over me as I lathered up shampoo & scrubbed my freshly cut hair. I also used the shampoo on my hairy body - starting with my beard, then working each arm, my chest, my crotch, my right leg & what little I could do with the left leg. After I rinsed, I bowed my head under the stream as my right hand turned the tap from warm down to cold. I wanted to pull away from the ice cold sensation that was jetting down my body but I made myself stand still for awhile before shutting it off.

I made it to the hospital on time, using change to park closer to the building my appointment was in. I waited a bit before having another X-Ray, & then a bit longer as I waited for the specialist, Dr Yao. I laid back on the gurney they had me at in the cast clinic, & scrolled through the Kindle app on my iPhone to organize some of my unsorted book titles into various collections before settling in to read more of @dintyw Moore’s book, THE MINDFUL WRITER. Raymond Carver came up & I went to Amazon to acquire his 1st 2 books of short stories, as Moore described them as being written in a minimalist style, focussing “…on the simplest of daily interactions between people, on quiet exchanges, mundane events.”

“We’ll have to operate to remove some of the dead bone which could result in amputation but we’ll make the final decision in a week.” Dr Yao says as my heart sank.

“Damn diabetes.” I sigh.

(79/366).

“So, tomorrow my appointment is at 9:20, right?” I asked Janice, the wound care nurse as she worked on wrapping my feet the day before.

“I think so, let me check.” she said as she disappeared from the room for a moment. “9:40!” her raised voice from around the corner proclaimed.

“You should’ve told me 9:20,” I joked, referring to my tendency to be late. “Then I might arrive on time for once!” We both laughed. It relieves me that she’s never really been upset over my tardiness. I’ve often struggled to be on time for appointments, classes, meetings.

It used to really piss Jessie off. She once got so upset with me that she got out of my tan sedan, slamming the door behind her as she marched back home after I responded in a snarky & indignant tone to her grievances, as if she should be grateful I’d driven from Vancouver to Richmond just for her. It pissed her Mum off too.

It’s also pissed some of my teachers off. One even developed stricter rules in her course outlines about attendance & tardiness over the years that I sometimes felt she did so just because of me.

And it certainly pisses my Mother off. At least with her I’m on time taking her to appointments. If it’s just to go shopping though, well, that’s another story.

Today, I had to be on time because the wound care doctor was examining my feet. It wasn’t so hopeful. He didn’t seem so optimistic but wanted to stay the course. Amputation came up again & he asked if I’d heard from the specialist yet. “No, I haven’t.”

He gives me a prescription for new offloading footwear, and mentions moving me to a prescription antibiotic. This scares me. As I’m tight on money. In fact, it’s been weeks now since I’ve gotten my depression, diabetes, high blood pressure, & stroke meds. But I don’t tell him this. Just that I wasn’t sure I could afford another drug. “Don’t you have fair pharmacare?” one of the nurses asks.

“No.” I say, adding sheepishly, “…it’s been awhile since I’ve filed my taxes.” They say they can keep me on IV another week, as if that would be enough time to get the taxes done. I sigh.

(59/366).

September 13, 2023: Today marks day 31 of my daily IV regiment. I still get to do this for at least 11 more days. When they redo my bandages, my big toe still looks swollen, but the nurses take measurements of the wound’s circumference & depth, & they assure me it’s getting smaller. I can’t look when they measure the depth, they use some kind of small, white, plastic rod - pressing into the middle of the wound, to take a measurement. The fear I might have to have some of my toes amputated seems to have subsided. But today my right foot has had pain shooting through it as I walk, even with my offloading footwear in place as I hobble around. I haven’t taken any of the strong prescription painkillers they gave me in over a week but I think I may down one when I get home.

Today’s been a long day. I was up past 1am cleaning Mom’s garage, which I’ve allowed to get very unorganized in recent years. I filled up our two recycling bins, plus our garbage bin. Two of her neighbours, who are away, gave me permission to use their bins if needed, so in addition to Mom’s, I filled a third recycling bin, & a second garbage bin belonging to one neighbour, & I got from the other neighbour, a fourth recycling bin half full. The main motivation in doing this was to clear space so Mom’s old washing machine & dryer could be taken away, & new ones installed. The new ones look like something out of one of the new Star Trek series. The two Samsung units are black, sleek, with minimal lines, no curves, & perfectly circular, but flat doors. You can even pair the units to your internet connection & control them with a smart device.

I missed my first Art History class though, waiting for the delivery people who came right in the middle of their delivery window of 11am-4pm. I had gotten up at 6am & worked until they came, to ensure they had lots of space. I still have a lot to organize but a huge chunk is done. It’s a start to something I should have done a long time ago.

Tomorrow, I need to make an appointment with my doctor for my physical, & I also need to reschedule an appointment with my psychiatrist who I missed yesterday because I slept in. Aren’t I the responsible one?

(256/365)

even when things are the darkest look for the path out with help of friends

Another day slipped away… I didn’t achieve much today. I slept in, managing to take out the dogs around 10:30am. I then put the kettle on to boil to make tea followed by sitting on the sofa with Mom’s dog Tiffany in my arms, cradling her on her back like one would hold an infant. Her eyes were closed as I gently massaged her belly while @drewfromtv led contestants through various games on @therealpriceisright, a show I haven’t seen in years. My dog Kira lay curled up at my feet, content to let me spend time with Tiff.

Eventually I got dressed and headed to @choicesmarket to get some ground turkey and other ingredients with which to make a meatloaf. It was Sadie’s last day at the store I learned, as she bagged my groceries, her eyes bright with excitement peering out from behind her glasses, her smile stretching from ear to ear with a graceful ease. She starts at UBC next week and will be moving closer to the campus. I wished her well, and said I’d miss her chipper demeanour.

Before Choices though, I had a warm bowl of tortilla soup with three enchiladas, rice, and beans at @aychihuahuamexfood. The soup was soothing and helped calm the anxiety that lingers beneath my skin like a weak and jittery force field of energy. A thin coat of paint, a blanket of dust barely visible, but there nonetheless.

Later in the day I had wound care for my legs. They’re slowly getting better, and might improve quickly if I could stop picking at them. Even as I lay in bed tonight, I’ve peeled back a bandage to rip at the skin that’s trying to recover, a small trickle of blood running down over my ankle.

After having @fiveguysca for dinner, complete with a large @cocacola_ca, I did a load of clothes, including a few of my compression socks. I already have an idea of my Saturday schedule: in the morning I want to clean the cat’s room at Mom’s, and pack up some of the Christmas decorations I managed to put out.

I only hope I don’t sleep in.

03/365. This is my third post for 2025 in my ongoing subversive selfie project, where I try to capture an honest account of my life, both the good, the bad, and the ugly for preservation on social media.

February 11, 2023: I’m feeling really down today. Looks like this bout with chickenpox is behind me and they’re going to release me from #PeaceArchHospital tomorrow or Monday, but I feel like nothing has been done for why I was admitted to begin with: my stroke.

Overall, I’ve felt zero improvement with the areas that have been bothering me: it feels like my upper right arm has a blood pressure cuff tightened around it constantly, and my lower right arm is tingling. My upper right chest and back is also tight, difficult to move. My right leg is tingling still too with feeling gone to some touch, as is my arm. It’s been twelve days now almost like this, maybe the rest of my life. Why didn’t I come in sooner? Fuck.

Today would have also been my Dad’s 99th birthday had he not passed in 2004. Happy birthday Dad. I miss you so much.

42/365.

#sick #stroke #strokesurvivor #strokerecovery #heartdisease #heartdiseaseawareness #highbloodpressure #diabetes #diabetic #highbloodsugar #anxiety #anxietyproblems #depression #depressionhelp #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #stress

#finearts #student #selfie #selfies #selfietime #writing #nonfiction #memoir #visualdiary #visualdiary_art

This was originally posted on Instagram.

From September 21, 2023: I tried to post this last night but I’ve been so exhausted & dizzy, with a headache & the feeling like I’m going to lose my lunch, that I tried to just sleep. My mouth trembled with that loose feeling as if it’s getting ready to help my system expel the contents of my stomach, regardless of whether it’s full or not.

I was late for my IV. I’d been chatting with a friend in the morning & at 3:44pm I gripped about my unproductive day by finally not answering her last comment at 12:38pm about maybe having a bite to eat together after my IV with, “I've got nothing done 💔 bleh trying to get grociers now but supposed to be at hospital in 15 m.” I got to the hospital around 4:40pm, & fell asleep during the first IV. The nurse said she had trouble waking me. I told her how I’d been feeling & she said if I was still feeling that way I should head to the ER.

During the second IV, I started sobbing, tears streaming down the sides of my head into my hair, as I lay in a hospital chair that was fully reclined. The nurse was taken aback to find me crying. All I could muster was how sorry I was. They ended up putting me in a wheelchair & took me to my car. The nurse said to sit a bit till I felt well enough to drive. I guess she forgot about the dizziness & exhaustion I’d mentioned earlier.

I lumbered up into my car & basically passed out, sleeping in the drivers seat for over an hour. I woke to 2 or 3 missed calls from my Mum, & several texts from my friend. My last text to her had been sent before I passed out in my car, a long lament about how lonely I’d been, & the recollection of part of a dream I’d had that morning where my mind had created an alternative reality about how I had gotten engaged to my ex a decade ago at the time our relationship was ending in reality. My friend had asked if I wanted to talk on the phone about it, but that terrified me & I simply said “It's ok. I'm in my car now I dunno. Feel so exhausted and still crying .” I then followed it up with “I’m so stupid.” I But stopped at typing, “I fucking hate myself so much.” Instead, I passed out again.

(264/365)

August 30, 2023: I’ve been hanging low lately. As a result, my days now are filled with sleeping, watching random proclivities recommended to me by YouTube, & driving to & from the hospital for the IV antibiotic & wound therapy treatments which I’ve been getting everyday now since I took myself to the ER on August 14. I’m on a schedule now where I’m to receive these treatments daily until the end of September.

On August 18, I remember breaking down in tears, my whole body shaking in the blue hospital recliner patients sit in during treatments for infections. My voice cracked as I hit myself, loudly declaring what a fucking nightmare of a human being I was, & that I’d been so stupid not to take my health more seriously. And the words of mg Mom echoed in my head, as she’d warn me this could happen if I didn’t look after my feet more carefully than I had been.

You see, the doctor examining my right foot declared that my toe would need amputation within seconds of looking at it. “Look at it, it’s all mush,” she said of the wound to the nurse, prodding at it with some metal tweezers. She wasn’t wrong, my right toe had been a horror to observe for weeks now. Plump & purple from swelling, which also continued from the base of my ankle up into the middle of my lower leg. My nail already looked frightening due to a bad ingrown hangnail I had earlier this year, eventually leading to bleeding that got in under my nail, eventually turning to black.

The head of the unit was alerted to my cries, & did her best to comfort me, telling me it was okay & that they’d do all they could to continue treating the wound.

Since August 14, I’ve been trying to eat better again & following the intermittent fasting & almost keto regimen I adopted upon being released from hospital following my stroke. I’ve watched videos on healing wounds, & added several supplements to help heal the wound and prevent swelling. But I can’t exercise. Or do much work. The doctor I saw on August 23 said to stay off my feet as much as possible, & even said they’d get me a special shoe to help me keep pressure off of the foot so the wound would stop bleeding.

I feel so alone.

(242/365).

It’s been a new year for almost twenty-four hours now as I lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, as my Dyson fan blows cool air across my upper body. I haven’t been posting much to social media in recent months, partly because the desire just hasn’t been there.

My legs are sore tonight, as is my right shoulder, arm, and back. The muscles are tense, as if they are encased in cement that sends lightning along the pain receptors as I make even the simplest of gestures. Basically, the areas that are sore are the same areas that were impacted by the stroke I had at the end of January 2023, almost two years ago. The hospital put me on a new oral antibiotic to supplement the IV was getting over the last few weeks. On Sunday, December 15, 2024 I made my way into the ER at Peace Arch Hospital as my right leg was swollen and sore around the large area I’d been picking at over the past few months. I feared a new infection. My left leg also had open sores from similar attacks by the nails on my fingers, only it wasn’t swollen. The doctor set me up for IV again, as well as oral medication: two different antibiotics. The doctors have seen me before, and I sense disappointment in them seeing me back so soon since my last round of treatment. They don’t seem to understand why I feel the desire to submit myself to this kind of persistent personal torture. But they’re glad I know that I am aware that it needs to stop… I’m on a wait list to see the psychiatrist again. But I’m not sure more medication is the answer.

I feel so stuck in life. I want things to change but I don’t know where to start or if it’s even worth trying anymore.

01/365: this is the first post in my subversive selfie project for 2025, a creative personal project where I try to reflect honestly about where I am in life.

From November 1, 2023: I’ve felt so #broken again lately, both #emotionally & #physically, & frankly, it’s beyond #embarrassing crying on here about my #persistent #personal #failures.

Today was the 80th day of my intravenous #antibiotics therapy. Sadly, I still have a few more weeks of this. The antibiotics really drain my system, leaving me #lethargic & unproductive by the time I get to my Mom’s place, where I’ve been staying since I had my #stroke.

I’ve messed up my #ArtHistory course. I didn’t tell the professor what’s been happening with my health, primarily because when I had done so in the past it was deemed to be #oversharing & #inappropriate. Since then, I’ve done my best to not miss this teacher’s classes & to get my work in.

But I did miss the first class, & I had hoped not to miss another. Stupidly, I did miss the October 11 class as on the 10th I got my COVID-19 booster #shot, as well as my annual flu vaccination. Those shots, combined with the ongoing antibiotics therapy, knocked me out hard. I remember I developed a fever, & sleeping all day. When I went for my IV, I remember describing how horrible I felt to the nurses & considered going to the ER. Actually, one of the nurses took me back to my car in a wheelchair & I ended up sleeping in my car for an hour or two before heading back to my Mom’s. In hindsight, I should not have even driven.

On October 17, I saw that the professor had emailed me, saying they had contacted the early alert team at @kwantlenu (who I never heard back from), & strongly recommended I drop the class.

I went to the next class, & the professor told me to see them in the hallway after asking me why I was there. They firmly talked to me like a strict parent talks to a child. They were tired of my games & if I was going to stay in the course, I had to leave now to work on & hand in an incomplete assignment by the end of the day. I worked hard on it, but as the midnight hour approached I found myself giving up as I was only halfway through the questions. Very early the next morning, they emailed me saying they were failing me in the course, leaving me feeling so useless for not handling things better with them.

(305/365)

September 20, 2023: I’m so exhausted today. I haven’t had a chance to pick up my two week supply of medicine and probably won’t get time to do it till tomorrow. Yesterday was spent mainly at the hospital as a wound care specialist treated my feet, using special tools like good old fashioned scalpels to cut and scrape away the dead skin and a few calluses on my toes and feet. When she treated my right foot I could see it still bleeds, but she said that’s a good thing as it means the tissues are still being fed by the body. Still healing. One toe had signs of fungus growing and they are going to get me on a cream and medication to treat that starting today or tomorrow. I guess they’re giving me another prescription so it’ll be tomorrow as I don’t go into the hospital till after my class, which I didn’t finish my readings for. So I’m behind but somehow I’ll catch up with it this week. I wanted to get up early and finish it but slept through a dozen alarms I’d set on my iPhone and my Fitbit watch. Fun.

I don’t know if I should take my Tylenol 3. My foots in pain again, but that medication sometimes makes me sleepy and given that I’m already tired as fuck, I figure I shouldn’t take it till tonight. I’m guessing I only have about 10 days left or the daily antibiotic IV regiment left which would be nice to stop to get a bit of my days back. But even last week when they measured my swelling, it showed signs there is still some infection in my system. But it’s healing. The wound specialist gave me a prescription that allowed me to get a second offloading shoe yesterday, so both my feet have them now. The other foot has always been better but pressure on it was still making the smaller wound slower at healing, and she said I probably should have had both feet in offloading shoes from the beginning.

Okay. Time to get up. It’s moments like these when my body is physically wrecked and I fall behind with some of my responsibilities that I just want to stay in bed all day but I have too much to do to fall into that trap again.

(263/365)

February 8, 2023: Fuck. I don’t even know what’s wrong with me but now I’m being moved to isolation because of this fucking rash I didn’t have when I had my stroke. Makes me wish I hadn’t come in. All I know it’s possibly because one doctor thought I’d be better off on some other diabetes medication, @ozempic_semaglutide_injection. I’m also told that where I’m moving #PeaceArchHospital won’t even have a washroom ffs. Might as well shove me onto the street.

39/365.

#sick #stroke #strokesurvivor #strokerecovery #heartdisease #heartdiseaseawareness #highbloodpressure #diabetes #diabetic #highbloodsugar #anxiety #anxietyproblems #depression #depressionhelp #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #stress

Kwantlen University #finearts #student #selfie #selfies #selfietime #writing #nonfiction #memoir #visualdiary #visualdiary_art #photooftheday

Day two of 2025 started with my taking Kira and Tiffany out into the backyard so they could do their morning business. The pebbled concrete was damp and cool on my bare feet as I walked across it, looking out at the dark green grass lit by a cloudy grey sky.

I then made tea for my mom and I. Assam with organic 2% milk. Hot tea settles my nerves a bit, and by its very nature forces me to slow down to savour the moment as it’s something that can’t be chugged. I sit at the kitchen table, scrolling through social media on my iPhone: Facebook, Instagram, X, and YouTube. Nothing really catches my eye, so I open Coursera, and listen to a few of the videos for a workshop on memory as portrayed in film.

The week’s first film will have me screen 50 FIRST DATES, a film that came out just over twenty years ago. It’s about a young man played by Adam Sandler, who tries to win the heart of Drew Barrymore, who is unable to retain short term memories. The course examines the films to discuss how they relate to the latest understanding of the human brain and its ability to process and store memories. I enrolled in this because a lot of my own artwork focusses on portrayals of the self, and a key aspect of that, and of writing memoir, focuses on how people remember experiences, and reflect on what happens in life.

The rest of the day slipped by rather unproductively. I got two loads of laundry done, and worked on cleaning the guest bathroom at my Mom’s. I last scrubbed the room down in October, although it feels as though I did nothing then. I then went to Starbucks where I worked on some writing for awhile before heading back home to the comfort of my unmade bed.

A more careful eye will notice I skipped over the argument I had with my mum, over my slow progress with getting the garage organized and cleaned. Like the bathroom, I make progress but then let that progress slip away. I’m tired of being so unreliable.

02/365. This is the second entry of 2025 for my subversive selfie project… a fine art photography and short reflective memoir exercise I do to try and keep an honest account of my life going everyday for the world to see.

All night I’d felt weak & nauseous, with a headache to boot. I knew my blood sugar was probably high but I’ve been avoiding taking a reading since last week. But to be honest, I didn’t think it would be this high: 33.1 mmol/L.

I’ve seen a few movies at @cineplexmovies in the last week & the worst cheat I indulged in was a pack of strawberry @twizzlers which I split across several days. I had popcorn without any toppings. I also chose ice water as my drink of choice: successfully suppressing the cravings I’ve had for @cocacola.

But on Tuesday I broke down & had a coke.

Wednesday was my little Maltese-Poodle Kira’s birthday. So I made organic blueberry pancakes for my Mum & me, which had blueberries & strawberries as a topping. The sweetest thing was whip cream I made from scratch using organic @avalondairybc whipping cream. To it, I added about half a teaspoon of organic cane sugar & some organic vanilla extract. I did have 3 or 4 pancakes, which weren’t too big: I keep them to the size of the palm of my hand.

A late lunch consisted of a chicken salad sandwich on organic multigrain bread. 2 slices of cheddar cheese; mustard; mayo; lettuce; tomato; sprouts; spinach; red & green peppers; purple onion; cucumber; pickles; as well as a bit of salt & pepper.

I spent some time at @starbuckscanada writing & did cheat there: a grande strawberry açai drink, which was on special for $4 (feels ironic that I burped just now & found I can still taste it). I also had a hot tea, with a splash of milk, no sweeteners, & a small bag of their potato chips.

Later, I had @bobsredmill creamy wheat at my Mum’s (where I am now, deciding to stay over because of how I feel). I was gonna top it with cinnamon, but Mum had already put a spoonful of brown sugar on it, which probably sent me over the top before taking my reading.

After the reading I took a couple of Metformin, as well as some fenugreek. I also drank water with organic apple cider vinegar & lemon juice in it. I’d love to walk but with my feet, I have to keep the pressure off of them. It’s such a catch-22: I need to exercise to lower my A1c, but can’t cause sugars are eating the bones in my feet.

(95/366).

Monday marks a week since I opened my Yahoo! Mail to find the email from my doctor’s receptionist, kindly explaining how my doctor wouldn’t be able to assist me further with the results of the bacterial culture that had been processed by Peace Arch Hospital a few days earlier. Instead, he advised that I go to my local emergency room as they would be able to do any further tests required to make recommendations on a course of action for my foot’s latest malady. Specifically, three different bacterial infections were detected by the tests that were done, nesting in the second toe of my right foot, as follows: 1) Pseudomonas aeruginosa 3+; 2) Staph. pseudintermedius 3+; & 3) Enterobacter cloacae complex 2+. I made the mistake of googling one of them, & the results noted how: “Enterobacter infections are serious infections with a high mortality rate, even with appropriate treatment,” scaring the hell out of me. I’m on two different antibiotics intravenously, which I go for once a day, & I’m on a third high dose oral antibiotic, which I take twice a day. The medication knocks me out like nothing else before & will continue for six weeks right through the month of September.

Last month, a friend of mine said this when I expressed disappointment in not chatting with them more often, to which they replied: “…you always do that self pity thing you gotta stop doing that, not a good look.” It’s something that’s stuck with me. Between that & bombing my summer art history course because of the third leg infection that hit me mid-June & a request to have an extension on my final project for the semester was subsequently denied: both instances are examples of why I’ve avoided posting my daily selfies here. I was so excited to enrol in the fourth year open studio course this fall, I wanted to push my exploration of self-portraiture with two amazing professors but with a year of dealing with infections in my legs & feet, I fear finishing my degree is slipping further and further away. Not to fall back on the self pity thing but the heaviness in my chest is real, the feeling that I’ll breakdown in tears at any given moment, so asubstantial.

(230/365).

Waiting for more tests.

#sick #stroke #strokesurvivor #strokerecovery #heartdisease #heartdiseaseawareness #highbloodpressure #diabetes #diabetic #highbloodsugar #anxiety #anxietyproblems #depression #depressionhelp #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #stress

#finearts #student #selfie #selfies #selfietime #writing #nonfiction #memoir #visualdiary #visualdiary_art #IV

This was originally posted on Instagram.

September 27, 2023: Six more weeks.

That’s how much longer my wound & IV antibiotics therapy will continue at Peace Arch Hospital after the doctor examined my feet today. I’m also supposed to stay off my feet as much as possible which isn’t easy with everything I need to get done.

My wounds are healing, but the doctor could still feel the bone through my left foot, which was the larger wound, so the treatments would have to continue less an infection come back which would result in the possibility of my losing at least my big toe on my right side.

So this will make life interesting. Part of me is worried, and a little scared. But another big part of me is relieved the doctor doesn’t want to hack it off.

I decided to make this joiner collage while the IV dripped antibiotic and other fluids into me. I listened to a bit of an art history video I’ve been watching, part of a short Udemy course on Contemporary Art I’ve been working through. I’ve been taking notes on my website’s online journal and would like to finish that soon.

Right now, I’m sitting in my car as the rain patters down on my roof and windshield. Before my appointment today I changed in a hospital bathroom, out of a long pair of jeans into some jean shorts as they’ve also been treating some scars on my legs. Now I’m going to head back to Mum’s to have dinner and probably turn in early tonight. The antibiotics can make me drowsy, but thankfully I haven’t felt as dizzy as I was for a few days last week. Haven’t felt the desire to throw up.

I want to exercise some more. I found this exercise app I have from when I had my stroke has a whole bunch of exercises I can do seated in a chair, so I am going to do those as they won’t require me to put pressure on my feet. If the doctor had said they were healed more than they are, I’d have started up walking the 5-10km walks on October 1. So now the goal for that is November 1.

Wish me luck.

(270/365)

September 23, 2023: I’ve thought a lot about actor Billy Miller, who passed away on Friday, September 15, just two days before his 44th birthday. Initially, there was no indication made in the official statement by the family regarding his cause of death, but it did say that Miller had long been struggling with manic depression.

A few days ago, a second statement was released, this time by Miller's mother, Patricia. I saw it online last night & it revealed that his death was due to suicide following his battle with bipolar depression. Specifically, she described how:

"He fought a long hard valiant battle with bipolar depression for years. He did everything he could to control the disease. He loved his family, his friends, & his fans but in the end the disease won the fight & he surrendered his life."

I didn’t know Miller had suffered.

I did know him from his work on @YoungAndRestlessCBS where he portrayed the character of Billy Abbot from 2008-2014. I had watched the show in the 1990s, as it was on while my Mum made dinner at 5pm every afternoon but I fell away from watching it for over a decade until I came down with pneumonia in the summer of 2010. Miller was a standout, & so many of the stories written for his character allowed him to explore such a wide range of experiences & emotions - including depression after the loss of the character’s oldest daughter. It was impossible not to feel the pain his character was going through because of his powerhouse performance.

He left the show in 2014 & I did my best to follow his career although I never watched him when he became a part of the soap General Hospital.

I sobbed last night when I read his Mother describe how he had lost his battle to manic depression. I think about my own battle with anxiety & major depression & how close I’ve been to losing it all. I just wish it was easier to talk about mental health, in a serious but empathic manner. I still reflect on the few weeks I spent in hospital following my own suicide attempt back in 2021, two years ago this week. It feels like I’ve made some progress but also like I’ve made absolutely none.

(266/365).

I snapped this selfie while filling my SUV at a @shell station in Langley following the screening of the 4K 30th Anniversary re-release of David Fincher’s SE7EN, starring Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman. Reflections are often used in film to highlight the duality that can exist within people. I remember several scenes in Alfred Hitchcock’s film PSYCHO that play with this motif: when Norman Bates (Anthony Perkins) brings Marion Crane (Janet Leigh) food on a tray, he stops beside one of the motel’s windows, it’s blinds closed inside the room this window is a part of - and we see Norman’s reflection highlighting the duality inside him, of the people he represents through his personality, and how that impacts his intentions with Marion; and earlier when Marion is first introduced to her motel room, she stands before a mirror, and she’s clutching her handbag and the secrets that it holds which are related to her own poor choices which Norman has no clue about, and never will.

Every day we are reflections in the world. We glimpse our reflections through the mirrors in our bathrooms or hallways. We catch a glimpse of ourselves in our rear view mirrors if we drive. Or we can find them in unexpected places like I did when I decided to capture this picture. When we snap selfies we see a digital reflection of ourselves on our smart devices. The image I project today often lacks confidence and I wonder how many notice it. When I pass others I usually keep my head down, letting my life be distracted by my own iPhone, be it doom scrolling or catching @pokemon in @pokemongoapp … it’s odd how we can be in public surrounded by and passing by maybe dozens or even hundreds of people everyday when we navigate our cities.

In a rare instance where I wasn’t distracted, a few days before Christmas, a woman commented on my Grinch cap and Christmas shirt, that it made her laugh. She also noticed I’d been walking with a limp and commented on it, and I answered how my feet and legs have been messed up thanks to my depression and diabetes. It was then that she prayed for me, and after she left, I cried. My hidden loneliness was revealed in a single, brief instance.

05/365.

“Healthcare.”

I am in isolation at the #PeaceArchHospital after having a stroke on January 31, 2023 and somehow contracting chickenpox. There isn’t much in the room I’m in, although there is a small screw in the wall on which a clock or bulletin board was likely hung at one time. This lonely screw became the hook upon which I hung up to three found objects to create what Robert Rauschenberg termed a readymade combine.

—————

This was part of a photo series I did in isolation for a short @themuseumofmodernart @coursera course on ART & IDEAS. I had little to work with in playing with the ideas of Marcel Duchamp.

Duchamp would have been interested in knowing if a stethoscope could become an art object simply by hanging it on the wall in a gallery. He coined the term “the readymade” which were as he said, "everyday objects raised to the dignity of a work of art by the artist's act of choice."

—————

#sick #stroke #strokesurvivor #strokerecovery #heartdisease #heartdiseaseawareness #highbloodpressure #diabetes #diabetic #highbloodsugar #anxiety #anxietyproblems #depression #depressionhelp #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #stress

#finearts #student #selfie #selfies #selfietime #writing #nonfiction #memoir #visualdiary #visualdiary_art #photooftheday

જીવનમાં આવતી વિપરીત પરિસ્થિતિઓ સામે નિરાશ થઇ એકલતા અનુભવાય છે ત્યારે આવી પડેલી પરિસ્થિતિનો સામનો કેવી રીતે કરવો? શું એનો અંત આવશે? આ મુંઝવણો અને પરિસ્થિતિઓમાંથી કેવી રીતે અને કઈ સમજણે બહાર નીકળવું? વધુ જાણવા નિહાળો આ વીડિયો:

To know more please click on:-

In English: www.dadabhagwan.org/books-media/spiritual-articles/depres...

In Gujarati: www.dadabhagwan.in/books-media/spiritual-articles/depress...

In Hindi: hindi.dadabhagwan.org/books-media/spiritual-articles/depr...

February 1, 2023: I’ll write more later, but I am in #PeaceArchHospital today.

32/365.

#sick #stroke #strokesurvivor #strokerecovery #heartdisease #heartdiseaseawareness #highbloodpressure #diabetes #diabetic #highbloodsugar #anxiety #anxietyproblems #depression #depressionhelp #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #stress

Kwantlen University #finearts #student #selfie #selfies #selfietime #writing #nonfiction #memoir #visualdiary #visualdiary_art #photooftheday

This photo was originally posted on Instagram.

August 15, 2023: I haven’t posted too regularly here but on July 9 I was doing yard work and ended up hosing down several windows and the front porch at my Mom’s. I remember looking down at my feet cushioned in sandals that were soaking wet, to find the skin on my big toes had peeled away. My feet had been very dry as I hadn’t been applying any moisturizer, but needless to say it was concerning.

Since then my left foot has been healing a lot faster but my right foot hasn’t been, in spite of soaking them every other day in an antiseptic and Epson salt rinse, applying extra strength @polysporin and bandaging them up as best I can. But in the last few days I’ve had excruciating pain in the nerves running down my lower right leg, and into the heal of my foot. My Mum was giving me a Tylenol 3 to help me push through but has wanted me to get things checked for awhile now. My doctor is away and the walk in clinic I go to, where my previous doctor works at was booked into next week. So I came to Peace Arch Hospital.

I’ve been here for an hour now. I’m thirsty. My foot aches. The doctor and nurse who checked me in were concerned if my right foot is infected, the infection may have moved into the bones. They also said I should have come in sooner given I’m diabetic. But the one toe on my left foot has been healing well, and I thought the other would catch up with time. I hate coming into the hospital, but the pain is making it hard to sleep, and get work done around my Mom’s house. I thought maybe I was getting a fever last night too, I couldn’t take my temperature as I don’t know where it is… but they took it when I was admitted and he didn’t say I had a fever so maybe that’s passed. They took blood, so we’ll see how bad my blood sugar is, I’ve been having too many baked goods and colas again lately so I suspect it will be high. They also did an ECG and when I was checked in they said he’ll let the doctor decide on whether any x-rays or other imaging was needed. So we’ll see.

(226/365).

“Healthcare.”

I am in isolation at the #PeaceArchHospital after having a stroke on January 31, 2023 and somehow contracting chickenpox. There isn’t much in the room I’m in, although there is a small screw in the wall on which a clock or bulletin board was likely hung at one time. This lonely screw became the hook upon which I hung up to three found objects to create what Robert Rauschenberg termed a readymade combine.

—————

This was part of a photo series I did in isolation for a short @themuseumofmodernart @coursera course on ART & IDEAS. I had little to work with in playing with the ideas of Marcel Duchamp.

Duchamp would have been interested in knowing if a stethoscope could become an art object simply by hanging it on the wall in a gallery. He coined the term “the readymade” which were as he said, "everyday objects raised to the dignity of a work of art by the artist's act of choice."

—————

#sick #stroke #strokesurvivor #strokerecovery #heartdisease #heartdiseaseawareness #highbloodpressure #diabetes #diabetic #highbloodsugar #anxiety #anxietyproblems #depression #depressionhelp #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #stress

#finearts #student #selfie #selfies #selfietime #writing #nonfiction #memoir #visualdiary #visualdiary_art #photooftheday

The state of my legs. I have this stupid habit of picking at them, not letting them heal - although since getting sick Thursday with the fever, cough, headaches, and body pain I’ve stopped doing that and used Iodine to dry the wounds, and trying to keep feet moisturizer on the feet too. If my fever is still high tomorrow I’m thinking of going to the hospital.

My right arm is also bad as I’ve picked at where I had IV and needle holes from antibiotics therapy I had last year as well as from when I had blood drawn.

I want to feel better. But so exhausted. Can’t concentrate on anything which is feeding my anxious depression. I wrote my teachers just now. Have one more to reach out to. I’ll email my doctor maybe tonight in case I sleep all day. Mum and I had some horrible yelling matches yesterday cause I am not getting anything done. She was sick too and I think I caught this from her… she says she still got work done when she was sick, which is true, but I can’t lie it feeds my own negativity about myself. I hate when we fight. It breaks my heart.

(15/366)

“Healthcare.”

I am in isolation at the #PeaceArchHospital after having a stroke on January 31, 2023 and somehow contracting chickenpox. There isn’t much in the room I’m in, although there is a small screw in the wall on which a clock or bulletin board was likely hung at one time. This lonely screw became the hook upon which I hung up to three found objects to create what Robert Rauschenberg termed a readymade combine.

—————

This was part of a photo series I did in isolation for a short @themuseumofmodernart @coursera course on ART & IDEAS. I had little to work with in playing with the ideas of Marcel Duchamp.

Duchamp would have been interested in knowing if a stethoscope could become an art object simply by hanging it on the wall in a gallery. He coined the term “the readymade” which were as he said, "everyday objects raised to the dignity of a work of art by the artist's act of choice."

—————

#sick #stroke #strokesurvivor #strokerecovery #heartdisease #heartdiseaseawareness #highbloodpressure #diabetes #diabetic #highbloodsugar #anxiety #anxietyproblems #depression #depressionhelp #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #stress

#finearts #student #selfie #selfies #selfietime #writing #nonfiction #memoir #visualdiary #visualdiary_art #photooftheday

Day two. Had a really bland & disgusting breakfast at the #PeaceArchHospital, which, lucky me, I just threw up. On top of that, I’ve been in tears because I feel so stupid. I also have to tell them that I despise coffee. God I wish I could have a cup of tea.

#sick #stroke #strokesurvivor #strokerecovery #heartdisease #heartdiseaseawareness #highbloodpressure #diabetes #diabetic #highbloodsugar #anxiety #anxietyproblems #depression #depressionhelp #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #stress

#finearts #student #selfie #selfies #selfietime #writing #nonfiction #memoir #visualdiary #visualdiary_art #photooftheday

This photo was originally posted on Instagram.

“Healthcare.”

I am in isolation at the #PeaceArchHospital after having a stroke on January 31, 2023 and somehow contracting chickenpox. There isn’t much in the room I’m in, although there is a small screw in the wall on which a clock or bulletin board was likely hung at one time. This lonely screw became the hook upon which I hung up to three found objects to create what Robert Rauschenberg termed a readymade combine.

—————

This was part of a photo series I did in isolation for a short @themuseumofmodernart @coursera course on ART & IDEAS. I had little to work with in playing with the ideas of Marcel Duchamp.

Duchamp would have been interested in knowing if a stethoscope could become an art object simply by hanging it on the wall in a gallery. He coined the term “the readymade” which were as he said, "everyday objects raised to the dignity of a work of art by the artist's act of choice."

—————

#sick #stroke #strokesurvivor #strokerecovery #heartdisease #heartdiseaseawareness #highbloodpressure #diabetes #diabetic #highbloodsugar #anxiety #anxietyproblems #depression #depressionhelp #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #stress

#finearts #student #selfie #selfies #selfietime #writing #nonfiction #memoir #visualdiary #visualdiary_art #photooftheday

February 2, 2023: So tired… still at #PeaceArchHospital.

33/365.

#sick #stroke #strokesurvivor #strokerecovery #heartdisease #heartdiseaseawareness #highbloodpressure #diabetes #diabetic #highbloodsugar #anxiety #anxietyproblems #depression #depressionhelp #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #stress

#finearts #student #selfie #selfies #selfietime #writing #nonfiction #memoir #visualdiary #visualdiary_art #photooftheday

This was originally posted on Instagram.

February 12, 2023: Feeling defeated this weekend. And so lonely.

43/365.

#sick #stroke #strokesurvivor #strokerecovery #heartdisease #heartdiseaseawareness #highbloodpressure #diabetes #diabetic #highbloodsugar #anxiety #anxietyproblems #depression #depressionhelp #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #stress #joinercollage

#finearts #student #selfie #selfies #selfietime #writing #nonfiction #memoir #visualdiary #visualdiary_art #photooftheday

This was originally posted on Instagram.

February 7, 2023: Fresh from a long shower, the first since my stroke a week ago today, at around 10pm in the evening. I let the water run over my rash riddled skin, and cleaned it as best I could with the soap the orderly provided. I stood during the procedure, trying to reach whatever I could without wetting the area where my IV hookups were. I so needed it, as someone who showers twice a day, going a week had not been good for my mental health and it probably wasn’t helping my skin.

They still don’t know for certain why I have this rash. A doctor was going to do a biopsy today and got going on it: froze an area, did a preliminary cut but couldn’t continue as some stuff wasn’t included in the kit he asked for. So he’s going to bring a kit from his office in the morning. I did learn that he’s done these countless times before, just never on himself or on a speeding bus, or while flying a plane.

For those wanting to visit, it will probably be better not to until they diagnose the rash.

38/365.

#sick #stroke #strokesurvivor #strokerecovery #heartdisease #heartdiseaseawareness #highbloodpressure #diabetes #diabetic #highbloodsugar #anxiety #anxietyproblems #depression #depressionhelp #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #stress

#finearts #student #selfie #selfies #selfietime #writing #nonfiction #memoir #visualdiary #visualdiary_art #photooftheday

This was originally posted on Instagram.

I’m stuck in isolation in the #peacearchhospital, following a stroke and a bout with chickenpox, and although I have a view, the moon isn’t visible tonight. So I took a page from artist Vik Muniz, and shot photographs of the hospital room floor. I then adjusted the photo’s brightness, contrast, highlights, and shadows to create the abstracted image seen here.

———

I ended up submitting it for a @themuseumofmodernart @coursera workshop, SEEING THROUGH PHOTOGRAPHS Creative Challenge: Shoot for the Moon! Specifically, it’s description said: “You’ve explored many ways that artists have photographed the moon. Now add your photograph of the moon! Take or share a photograph of the moon. Feel free to interpret this assignment creatively—maybe the moon won’t be visible at all in your photograph, or moonlight will be an element in your process. The sky is not your limit! Tell us about your process and the decisions you made.”

———

#sick #stroke #strokesurvivor #strokerecovery #heartdisease #heartdiseaseawareness #highbloodpressure #diabetes #diabetic #highbloodsugar #anxiety #anxietyproblems #depression #depressionhelp #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #stress #finearts #student #selfie #selfies #selfietime #writing #nonfiction #memoir #visualdiary #visualdiary_art #photooftheday

This was originally posted on Instagram.

August 16, 2023: Today, I feel like absolute death, but I can’t fall asleep. I want to write more, but I have absolutely no energy.

(228/365).

botanicals.one/lithium-orotate-benefits/ Lithium Orotate is a Natural Mineral that calms your overactive mind and gives you Instant Calm. Highly Recommended by Dr. John Gray, natural psychologist and world renown author of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" fame! #lithium #anxietyrelief #depressionhelp

I won’t dare anyone to lick this better.

#sick #stroke #strokesurvivor #strokerecovery #heartdisease #heartdiseaseawareness #highbloodpressure #diabetes #diabetic #highbloodsugar #anxiety #anxietyproblems #depression #depressionhelp #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #stress

#finearts #student #selfie #selfies #selfietime #writing #nonfiction #memoir #visualdiary #visualdiary_art #photooftheday

Everyday now for the last week, the bandages on my feet are changed by the wound therapy nurses at Peace Arch Hospital. And even when wrapped, the blood from the wounds on my left big toe eventually seeps through the bandages & whatever sock I’m wearing. It dries up into a dark, brownish, burgundy colour. An infectious disease expert examined my feet today, finding that the wounds have opened on the top and bottom of my big toe, wide enough that the bone is showing. The blood flow to my feet is strong however, which he says will aid in the healing process. He prescribed six weeks of daily IV antibiotics & wound care therapy.

I’m trying to stay positive. But I feel lost. I’m limited in what I can do, I’m not supposed to put pressure on my feet. On Friday they will hook me up to a PICC-Line (a peripherally inserted central catheter), which the @mayoclinic website describes as being “…a long, thin tube that’s inserted through a vein in your arm & passed through to the larger veins near your heart… It’s generally used to give medications or liquid nutrition. A PICC line can help avoid the pain of frequent needle sticks & reduce the risk of irritation to the smaller veins in your arms.” I’m not sure how I feel about this. No heavy lifting. More housework & yard-work will go undone.

I slept a lot on Wednesday. The antibiotics combined with Tylenol 3 is knocking me out. It’s a repeat of last year all over again. It leaves me feeling so defeated. I want to binge but I’m trying my best not to. I want to cry but crying just embarrasses me. Makes me feel ashamed. Makes me feel weak.

(24/365).

#sick #stroke #strokesurvivor #strokerecovery #heartdisease #heartdiseaseawareness #highbloodpressure #diabetes #diabetic #highbloodsugar #anxiety #anxietyproblems #depression #depressionhelp #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #stress

#finearts #student #selfie #selfies #selfietime #writing #nonfiction #memoir #visualdiary #visualdiary_art #photooftheday