Give me some sunshine, give me some rain, Give me another chance, I wanna grow up once again!

Model - My friend Kuber Joshi

Update - At this point, he was tired of posing for me and just wanted to go home. There he sits; all exhausted and a bit hungry too. Whilst everyone was busy ignoring him at this time, I still stuck with my bro and tried to capture his original expression here.

Clicked at a recent photowalk with CFC. Its always better to take a foxy friend along on a PW, a personal model is sure a dream come true.

Critics / Suggestions Invited

March 2, 2022: Focusing on my breath provides me with a way to slow down when I get agitated, anxious and depressed.

When I remember to do it.

I never thought about it before but I do think that I held my breath, almost subconsciously, in past photos of me, regardless of whether it was a selfie or something taken by someone else. This is especially true in my annual high school photos. Looking back at them I can feel the anxiety that was in me, when I wanted to look so good but came off looking stiff, disconnected, and alone. The boy who gets bullied a lot often feels so alone. Even when he’s trying to look perfect.

I think the first two people to introduce me to the idea of focussing on the breath as a means of releasing anxiety were @julianjenkinsmedium and @thichnhathanh. This was in 2020, when I first tried to meditate regularly, just before midnight, as well as in the morning, not long after I’d wake up. It’s a practice I’ve come towards and moved away from a lot over the past few years. It’s as inconsistent as the timing of the depression that ebbs and flows in and out of my life, and today was the first time I returned to a morning meditation since having been hospitalized for my depression back in September 2021. For the first three days in hospital, I was monitored in isolation - in a prison cell like environment - surrounded by four brownish yellow brick walls and a large, overbearing steal door. There I’d sit on a small single sized plastic covered mattress with a knitted throw blanket to cover my nearly naked frame. Sitting in lotus position, I’d drape the blanket over my shoulders, covering the single blue Hospital gown that I’d wear like a trench coat so I could open and pull it close more easily. And it was in those moments that I’d meditate. Sometimes in almost complete silence, with nothing but the sound of my breath to quiet my monkey mind. Breathe in, deeply, through the nose, filling my lungs. Hold for two seconds, and breathe out through my mouth. Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out. In. Out. In. Out.

Another practice I’ve enjoyed doing to ground myself in the moment over the last few years has been to walk barefoot on the grass in my backyard when I take my dogs outside to do their morning business. The coolness of the grass sends comfort up through my feet, legs, chest and up into my mind like a stream flowing up from the earth to the sky, using my body as a conduit. In those moments, I often look up at the sky, remembering how I’m just a small part of a much larger universe.

Today, I held my hand over my heart as I breathed during my meditation. At the completion of my meditation I photographed my hand. It felt good to breathe as I snapped photos with my small Sony ZV-1 digital camera. I felt a sense of calm, which was much stronger than the anxiety that’s still hanging on inside. Becoming a little less influential over my day.

61/365.

#beyourownbeloved #beyourownbeloved💖 #depressionhelp #depressionawareness #startingover #selflove #selflovejourney #selflove #dailyselfie #dailywriting #subvertedselfies #subvertedselfie #art #photography #photo #chest #chesthair #hand #selfloveisnotselfish #sad #depressed

I noticed a thoughtful note, attached to the bridge in order to prevent people from taking their lives by jumping into the river.

I noticed thoughtful notes attached to the bridge in order to prevent people from taking their lives by jumping into the river.

February 28, 2022: I feel oddly at #calm right now & I’m not sure why. It’s been another long, #restless #night of #insomnia for me. The kind where I had a #nighttime @neocitrancanada around 9pm knowing I’d need help #sleeping. The kind where I feel the strain on my neck & the tightness in my muscles, particularly one running down along my left shoulder blade and into my left arm, & the unease in my legs that’s developed from my being unable to fall asleep. Maybe I should have had a @benadrylusa nighttime #antihistamine or a @tylenolcanada nighttime pain reliever for my horrible headache that’s been clamping down on the brain that’s stuck inside my skull. The one that’s been aching from my propensity & inclination to hit myself when I get pissed at myself, which has been a lot lately. Maybe one or both of these additional #pills would have been enough to put me under but then I worry I wouldn’t be able to wake up to drive to my morning class but now it’s like almost 4am & I just know it will be yet another morning lost to sleeping in, because at some point I will be just too tired from all this being up all night. I feel like I’m also about to bomb the 7th term in a row of my @kwantlenu studies & wonder why did I even bother trying again. I haven’t even reached out to my teachers this term. I feel ashamed by my inability to fix my life. I can’t even afford this term so won’t be able to even withdraw at the last minute, won’t be able to try again in the summer. Which is probably for the best.

I can’t believe it’s the last day of the month. Two months of 2022 where I’ve not even finished putting the Christmas decorations away. Where I’ve made little headway on my place, & virtually none on the guest room at Mom’s… well, I finally got all the clothes here hung last night. I ignored my doctor & the specialist he tried forwarding me too for my #diabetes & blood pressure. Oh & apparently my #cholesterol is now out of whack after being so great for the longest time. I’m too ashamed of having been hospitalized for my #depression last fall & then continuing to do nothing to deal with it. These are the kinds of things that make me hate myself so much sometimes.

59/365.

Mental Health Matters!

By: Washington Psychological Wellness

www.washington-psychwellness.com

Washington Psychological Wellness is a boutique-style psychotherapy and mental health practice located in Gaithersburg, Maryland. Our therapists have a passion for helping members of the community fulfill their mental wellness goals. We provide integrative and holistic mental health treatment with specialized expertise in adult, adolescent, child, couples, and family therapy. Telehealth options are available. Contact us now!

From March 1, 2022: Today, I’m starting a new journey of self reflection & exploration. I’m hoping to connect more deeply with myself as I work to overcome my depression. Often, I’m too quick to jump online & moan about the state of my life, which can be okay, but I need to be able to see through the negative towards more positive outcomes. To know that I’m not always so worthless or useless. To know that I have something to offer in life.

I want to feel more positive about myself because I’m the only person I have in my life that I can depend on for the love I desire. I know I have a habit where I say these kind of thoughts, & in other posts I’ve often talked about trying to actualize these things, trying to actualize unconditional love & reverence for all life starting with myself, but I also know that I’ve often failed at doing this for myself. It’s time to stop failing. As author @shannonkaiserwrites says, it’s time to start living & using joy as a barometer for how I feel.

In terms of the selfies I’d like to capture this month, I want to explore ways of seeing myself visually that I haven’t done before over the last two years, while also keeping them authentic to how I feel.

I admit, I’m nervous that I will start strong & then fall again. I need to craft some kind of a safety plan for when I feel myself growing weak. A way to lift me up from under the weight of the metaphorical bricks that can feel too heavy on my shoulders. I’m not sure what that will look like but maybe that’s a question I can put to my non-physical guides & teachers in tomorrow mornings automatic writing session.

Another thing that I need to do this month is reach out for help. I’ve been struggling so much, & I haven’t done the things I need to do to get better. There were times in January & February when I felt lower than I did when I ended up in hospital for my depression. It’s not some thing I’m proud of. But I have to get over being upset with myself or feeling guilty for not getting the help that I know I need. Because when I do that I just cycle down into more shame, regret & remorse to the point of paralysis. So this is my manifesto: that kind of shit ends today.

I took my photo today, of my feet, walking through the mess that’s on my bathroom floor. I placed my camera down on the floor to look straight ahead at where my feet would walk, & I used a delayed shutter release to capture the image with a shallow depth of field. I think I’m happy with the shot, my bare feet still scarred from when I cut them up in January after walking 10 km & boots that didn’t fit properly. It’s taking almost 2 months for my feet to feel comfortable in shoes again. They might’ve healed more quickly had i not continue to walk for a few days after hurting my feet. By doing that, I made my feet feel worse, even though I was wearing padded Band-Aids, gauze & thick socks, returning to my old shoes that I had worn before trying out the new boots. So one foot still looks worse than it feels, in fact I feel nothing at all, even though it’s still purple & bruised. But it’s a reminder that with time, even the deepest of wounds can heal, & one can carry on in life as if nothing had even happened at all. Finally, I’m also loving how you can see the blurred outline of my beautiful dog Kira, who was standing in the hallway probably wondering what it was I was trying to do.

This was originally posted on my Instagram.

60/365.

#beyourownbeloved #beyourownbeloved💖 #depressionhelp #depressionawareness #startingover #selflove #selflovejourney #selflove #dailyselfie #dailywriting #subvertedselfies #subvertedselfie #art #photography #photo #feet #heels #scar #pjamabottoms #legs #pjamas #towels #tiles #cupboards #dog #bathroom #walkingaway #selfloveisnotselfish #sad #depressed

Confidence 💚

by: Washington Psychological Wellness

👉 www.washington-psychwellness.com

❤️💛💚💙💜

#mentalhealth #confidence #mentalhealthmatters #selflove #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthadvocate #lgbtq #pride #pridemonth #beyou #pride🌈 #PrideOn #pride2021 #therapy #psychology #counseling #selfesteem #growth #beyourself #diversity #inclusivity #socialjustice #mentalhealthtips #holistic #therapist #inspiration #motivation #inspire #shine

Washington Psychological Wellness is passionate about helping people live the lives they have envisioned by bringing values of honesty, kindness, humor, and compassion to the practice. Therapy can inspire change, create greater self-awareness, and improve one's life and relationships. Our clinicians provide a comfortable and collaborative environment where you can take risks and explore different ways of thinking, feeling, and being. We aim to help you gain clarity about the underlying causes of problems, provide strategies to help you cope, empower you to trust your inner voice, and live each day authentically.

www.washington-psychwellness.com

Love Comes In All Forms ️‍🌈️‍⚧

🌈 www.washington-psychwellness.com

#mentalhealth #gaypride #pride #pridemonth #pride2021 #lovewins #trans #transrights #nonbinary #ally #youmatter #loveisrespect #love #pansexual #asexual #lgbtq #gay #inclusivity #diversity #inclusive #therapy #mentalhealthmatters #diversityisbeautiful #beyou #loveislove #acceptance #psychology #therapyiscool #gayrightsarehumanrights

From October 3, 2022: Tonight, I lit several #candles in my bathroom before I dimmed the lights and drew a #hot #bath and let my #naked #body sink into it. I lay in the stillness of the green foamy water around me. My face, along with a bit of my @Vicks_US #Vaporub covered chest, as well as my knees being the only parts of me that weren’t submerged. The hum of the bathroom’s #dehumidifier #fan was muffled by the water that my ears were surrounded by. Being under the water, even the sound of my #breath was amplified by the water in the tub. The smell of bath salts mixed with the vaporub and soothed incessant coughing that’s plagued me over the past few days. The only thing that kept me awake was the holding of my iPhone in my left hand. At first, I used it to shoot this photo, before finding some soothing meditation music on YouTube that I put on before putting my phone down on part of the ledge that formed the rim of the tub I was in.

It’s difficult when you’re sick to remember to take these photos, let alone think deeply and write reflections about them. Often, I simply snapped the photos, and then wrote about them later - which I’m doing right now, on October 11, for a photo I shot ob October 3. It feels like I’m falling into that old trap of starting something and not finishing it. But what can you finish on days when you’re barely awake, fighting a headache with a fever, congestion, an upset stomach and horrible diarrhea? Hardly anything. So, to be honest, just shooting the photos was enough for me.

276/365.

#beyourownbeloved💖 #depressionhelp #depressionawareness #startingover #selflove #selflovejourney #selflove #dailyselfie #dailywriting #subvertedselfies #subvertedselfie #art #photography #sad #depressed

June 3, 2022: I’m so #scatterbrained, useless, & #ashamed today. This latest major #depressive episode has meant my monkey mind has been working #overtime to hurtle insults at myself over the last week.

The #selfloathing has been strong.

I’ve slept in day after day. It has been an absolute struggle just to get the simplest of things completed. My third #arthistory assignment is now three days late, meaning a 25% automatic reduction. I’ll never change.

I’ve had some horrible #screaming matches with my Mum.

A woman at @londondrugs positively commented on my heart shaped #bumblebeejasper #pendant & I looked right through her as I passed by. But it wasn’t devoid of emotion, I felt so angry about how the #pharmacists said it would be 20 minutes for my Mum’s #insulin but it had been almost an hour when they needed, “Just a few more minutes.” But as I stepped back a huge line had formed, meaning just a few more minutes was now easily another half hour. So I left, & that’s when the woman complimented me, leaving me to just bite my tongue.

After weighing in at 213.4 pounds on Tuesday, today I’m at 216.4. “Shove another cookie down your mouth again Steve!” my mind barks at me.

I’ve been #hyperaware about how a friend of over twenty years, & another of over seventeen have both #ghosted me. I feel the #confusion, #hurt, & #betrayal mixed in with the overwhelming desire or just wanting to know what I did to push them away. My mind just automatically puts the blame on me.

I also noticed how a few new friends I’ve made over the past year blocked me this week, & I don’t know why. My monkey mind screams at me about how I must be some really #creepy guy to keep pushing people away, & I feel more #depressed because of it.

A business I adore unfollowed me. I am such a #screwup. Maybe my latest #selfies have finally revealed the truth about the monster I really am.

Part of the past few months has involved my emerging from these kinds of #debilitating moments by reframing how I look at myself: I got up earlier today than yesterday. I can get a doctor’s note. My weight will fluctuate. I am not other people’s thoughts.

I can do this.

154/365.

#beyourownbeloved💖 #depressionhelp #depressionawareness #startingover #selflove #selflovejourney #selflove #dailyselfie #dailywriting #subvertedselfies #subvertedselfie #art #photography #sad #depressed

I noticed this thoughtful note attached to the bridge in order to prevent people from taking their lives by jumping into the river.

Transformation

www.washington-psychwellness.com

Washington Psychological Wellness, therapy in Gaithersburg, Maryland and Montgomery County, MD.

June is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Awareness Month! 💚💚

Post-traumatic stress can occur after witnessing or experiencing a traumatic event. Triggers of the event can cause flashbacks, nightmares, and intense emotional and physical reactions. All of which are normal reactions to abnormal events.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder affects around 3.5 percent of United States adults, and an estimated 1 in 11 people will be diagnosed with PTSD in their lifetime. PTSD can occur in all people, regardless of age, gender, ethnicity, nationality, or culture.

This PTSD Awareness month, Washington Psychological Wellness hopes to help reduce the stigma around post-traumatic stress and help ensure proper treatment for anyone suffering from trauma.

👉 www.washington-psychwellness.com

#ptsd #ptsdawareness #ptsdrecovery #PTSDAwarenessMonth #ptsdtherapy #ptsdtherapist #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthadvocate #trauma #traumarecovery #traumatherapy #traumahealing #healingjourney #flashbacks #ptsdwarrior #ptsdsupport #growth #suicideprevention #psychology #emdrtherapy #emdr #Gaithersburg #dctherapist #mocomd #counseling #traumaresponse

Learn to live each day with intention, love, and self-compassion!

www.washington-psychwellness.com

Washington Psychological Wellness is a boutique-style psychotherapy and mental health practice located in Gaithersburg, Maryland. Our therapists have a passion for helping members of the community fulfill their mental wellness goals. We provide integrative and holistic mental health treatment with specialized expertise in adult, adolescent, child, couples, and family therapy. Telehealth options are available. Contact us now!

Be A Light In Someone Else's Darkness 🌞

💚 www.washington-psychwellness.com

#mentalhealthawarness #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthadvocate #charlesdickens #Dickens #wellness #inspiringquotes #psychologist #therapy #therapyiscool #therapyworks #psychotherapy #stress #depression #anxiety #healing #recovery #selfcare #inspiration #payitforward #advocate #advocacy #socialjustice #loveall

June 2, 2022: I’m feeling a lot of #anxiety this morning because I slept in, again. For like. I dunno. The fifth day in a row too.

I try to #breathe in deeply through my nose, to help calm my racing #heartbeat, but it’s #halfhearted & I find my mind is too tired to even #lambaste myself for it.

I hold my breath for a moment as my hand reaches for the #remote that controls the small Dyson fan sitting near the room’s only window, one that’s been slightly open for so many months now.

I breathe out through my #mouth, as I fumble with the small remote & eventually find the button that turns it off. I press it, & the fan comes to a stop. The sudden silence highlights my #loneliness & a headache that numbs the present moment.

I breathe in, through my nose again, while stretching my arms & legs out. The silence is broken by the crickackle of the remote landing inside the cave that is my nightstand’s open drawer, as my outstretched hand lets it fall.

I breathe out to have it turn into a chest filling yawn, complete with the quivering of my upper lip. I hold my left leg mid air for a moment, trying to stop a Charlie-horse from forming. I extend my foot as far as it will go & I feel the muscles in my leg fighting to remain relaxed, as I also hold onto the desire to vocalize my agony.

I breathe in as my legs fall back down into the sheets & I turn my body onto my side as I breathe out. I pull Kira close, hugging her tightly & she tolerates it just long enough to capture this selfie. She then flops back onto the softest blanket next to me, & I pass out too, my phone falling from my hand, ending up somewhere next to me until it’s alarm wakes me around 8:00am. 3 hours wasted.

I need to sneak away to catchup with my art history. But I have so much to do here as well. Maybe I can do an hours worth of work & then sneak away. I’m going to lose 15% on my late assignment now, thanks to my fucking depression. That knowledge terrifies me. It makes me feel #guilty, #stupid & #ashamed. I can see the reddish orange highlight through a C+ grade on the rubric she uses to mark the work, indicating a slip from the A I got a week before. That knowledge paralyzes me.

153/365.

#beyourownbeloved #beyourownbeloved💖 #depressionhelp #depressionawareness #startingover #selflove #selflovejourney #selflove #dailyselfie #dailywriting #subvertedselfies #subvertedselfie #art #photography #sad #depressed

Find your balance 👏

💚 www.washington-psychwellness.com

#washington_psych_wellness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #worry #meditation #meditate #mindful #mindfulness #wellness #mentalhealthadvocate #balance #peace #stress #anxiety #depression #holistic #stressreduction #therapy #therapyworks #DBT #therapyiscool #psychology #therapist #mentalhealthtips #findyourcenter #beyou #loveyourself #anxietytips #anxietyrelief #anxietysupport

Self-love is the best love. 💚BeYOUtiful!

www.washington-psychwellness.com

🙌

#washington_psych_wellness #mentalhealth #beYOUtiful #mentalhealthawareness #selflove #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthadvocate #loveyourself #loveyourbody #bodypositive #bodypositivity #selfesteem #diversity #inclusivity #allbodiesarebeautiful #eatingdisordersupport #SelfAcceptance #healthyliving #positivebodyimage #bodypositivemovement #bodyimage #acceptance #bodydysmorphia #beautyindiveristy #selfcare #inspiration #gratitude #psychologytips

DAY 2: OUR BODY, OUR BREATH

I think it's SO common for us to hold our breath in photos but that disconnects us from our body and enhances any anxiety in our body that might be coming up. How did focusing on the breath feel for you?

As I received my IV antibiotics therapy this afternoon I sat up with my hand resting on my chest. With my eyes closed, I breathed a long, slow breath in through my nose, which I held a few seconds before letting it go in a long, slow exhale through my mouth.

Breathe in… breathe out.

The air felt warm coming in through my mask, & even warmer as it escaped around my tongue which I kept planted firmly against the roof of my mouth.

Breathe in… breathe out.

It’s something I used to do with more regularity, usually at the start of a meditation, but it’s something I haven’t done in months. Maybe even in years.

Breathe in… breathe out.

Last week, Facebook reminded me how 2 years had passed since I was released from the mental health unit at Abbotsford Regional Hospital following a suicide attempt in my car that was parked in the driveway of my Mom’s. On the 1st day of my hospitalization I was confined on suicide watch, in an empty room save for a broken toilet in the corner, a plastic mattress on the floor, & a camera looking down at me. That afternoon I sat breathing, & reciting the Ho’Oponopono prayer again & again. Eventually, I started to sob. It was both cathartic & terrifying.

Breathe in… breathe out.

It was an easier habit to occupy during that hospitalization, without the trappings of a smart phone to mindlessly scroll through as you weren’t allowed to have them. Today took me back to those moments, moments I didn’t have during the hospitalization after my stroke, mainly because they don’t take your smart phone away after a stroke. Only after a mental collapse.

WHAT ARE SOME OTHER TOOLS FOR GROUNDING THAT YOU USE IN OTHER PARTS OF YOUR LIFE?

Ponder what tools or actions you take part in to get grounded. Maybe it's making a cup of tea. Maybe it is feeling your feet on the ground or doing mountain pose? Maybe it is noticing your senses. Or maybe it is a crystal you like to hold or a stone in your pocket that helps you get grounded. List them here! And then ponder...could we include some of these as part of our process this month? Could we make ourselves a cup of tea as we're reading the class activities and get grounded before we take our selfie? Or feel the ground beneath our feet before we pick up our camera?

Sometimes the bandages on my feet aren’t secure & they end up falling off. I then have to rewrap them, as I had done everyday since I hurt my foot in early July until I went to the ER on August 14. The act of treating the wounds myself was meditative. I’d sit in silence, gently rubbing medicated cream into my feet before wrapping gauze around the toes which I secured with medical grade first aid tape. These motions were meditative as my mind flowed to the present moment, only getting frustrated when the tape didn’t rip cleanly from the roll.

Breathe in… Breathe out.

(275/365).

This was originally posted on Instagram.

Today’s photo prompt and reflective journaling questions for today was a part of the BE YOUR OWN BELOVED photo workshop challenge which is run several times throughout the year by photographer VIVIENNE McMASTER. It’s well worth signing up for, and doing alongside other participants.

March 3, 2022: Cleaning up and organizing my place and my Mom’s has been overwhelming at times. A large part of the mess that surrounds me has been fed by my addiction to over-spending, often beyond my means. It’s something I know I need to work on more seriously. It’s not that I can’t be responsible with my spending: when I was younger I was very obsessive with tracking every cent: I kept track of my receipts and spending in an excel workbook, and made sure I balanced out each month. I’d put a percentage of my each paycheque into a savings account, one that was locked down tight so the only way I could move money from it was to actually phone my bank and had it transferred out of the account. I was also Director of Finance at my university’s student union, where I assisted in overseeing a forensic audit conducted by PWC.

But since my depression settled in deeply over the last few years, I found myself digging myself in deeper and deeper with the spending. It’s just been so easy to do when you’re lying in bed, wanting to erase my troubles, my sorrows. Other people drink and do drugs. I eat way too much junk food, and spend like a drunken sailor. It’s caused

So today I emerge from the myst, finishing a deep clean of my Mother’s living room.

I’m finding more and more, that the comfort zones in this project and in my life have been to stick to the routines I’ve become accustomed to. That feel safe. Eating a bag of Reese’s and a large popcorn feels safe. Buying another stuffed animal I don’t really have space for feels safe. Cleaning feels scary because it’s a path to something in life I don’t remember. But it feels more freeing than being stuck where I have been up to this point. I want to say I’ve experienced something like this before, but I haven’t.

62/365.

#depressionhelp #depressionawareness #startingover #selflove #selflovejourney #selflove #dailyselfie #dailywriting #subvertedselfies #subvertedselfie #art #photography #photo #windowcleaning #soulconfessions #tryingtogetbetter #selfie #subvertedselfie #instaselfie #selfloveisnotselfish #sad #depressed

Never ever give up on yourself! 💚

www.washington-psychwellness.com

#washington_psych_wellness #mentalhealth #nevergiveup #mentalhealthawareness #selflove #mentalhealthadvocate #mentalhealthmatters #keepgoing #dontquit #motivation #wellness #sundaymovitation #suicide #suicideprevention #depression #anxiety #inspiration #dontstop #resilient #psychology #therapist #therapy #growth #growthmindset #healing #recovery #dctherapist #mentalhealthtreatment #nevergiveuphope #hope

Live the life of your dreams 💚

www.washington-psychwellness.com

#mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #menalhealthmatters #mentalhealthadvocacy #mentalhealthadvocate #mentalhealthwarrior #therapyiscool #therapyworks #therapy #therapist #inspirational #motivational #liveyourbestlife #keepgrowing #growth #holistic #wellness #encourage #thrive #healthyliving #Inspire #motivationalquotes #happiness #selfcare #selflove #bodypositivity #beyourself #confidence #happy

Create an adaptive mental health routine 💚

www.washington-psychwellness.com

💚

#mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthawarness #mentalhealthadvocate #mentalhealthwarrior #habit #positivity #bestyou #growthmindset #therapy #psychology #motivational #inspirational #keepgoing #therapyiscool #therapyworks #success #dailyroutine #healthyhabits #Successtips #mentalhealthtips #adhdtips #adhd #organizationtips #lifehacks #habitsofhealth #habitsforsuccess #successquotes

The Power of Gratitude 👏

💚 www.washington-psychwellness.com

Washington Psychological Wellness is a boutique-style mental health practice located in Gaithersburg, Maryland. Our counselors, therapists, and psychologists have a passion for helping members of the Montgomery County community fulfill their mental health & wellness goals.

Our counselors provide an integrative, holistic, therapeutic approach to treatment and have specialized expertise and training in individual, adult, adolescent, child, couples, and family therapy and the treatment of various mental health concerns.

Whether you are facing anxiety, depression, OCD, eating concerns, low self-esteem, divorce, anger problems, bipolar disorder, lack of motivation, mood disorder, social phobia, ADHD, grief, loss, PTSD, trauma, personality disorders, LGBTQ-related concerns or just overall life dissatisfaction we are here to help. We are proud to offer HIPAA-compliant telehealth (online) appointments!

Contact us now for your free 15-minute initial consultation.

Phone: 301-769-5878

Email: info@washington-psychwellness.com

Waiting for the miracle to come.

This is a joiner collage I made when I was hospitalized back in February following a stroke I had on January 31. I took a fair number of photos when I was in the hospital, as it was fairly easy to do, but I was often so tired that I didn’t do much written reflection as I posted them. I like making joiners - photographer David Hockney is a British pop artist painter who first started doing these back in the 1970s / 80s. They give the image an analytical cubist feel, similar to the paintings created by painters Pablo Picasso and Georges Braque over 110 years ago.

——-

#sick #stroke #strokesurvivor #strokerecovery #heartdisease #heartdiseaseawareness #highbloodpressure #diabetes #diabetic #highbloodsugar #anxiety #anxietyproblems #depression #depressionhelp #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #stress #joinercollage

#finearts #student #selfie #selfies #selfietime #writing #nonfiction #memoir #visualdiary #visualdiary_art #photooftheday

This was originally posted on Instagram.

In a world that is constantly telling you who to be, be bold, be yourself! 💪💚

www.washington-psychwellness.com

#mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthadvocate #mentalhealthawareness #beyourself #beyou #bebold #courage #lgbtq🌈 #diversity #inclusion #inclusivity #neurodiverse #gaypride #acceptance #bipoc #selflove #selfesteem #selfacceptance #therapy #therapyworks #therapyiscool #lovewhoyouare #uniquelyyou #psychology #autismawareness #acceptall #blm

From October 2, 2022: I’ve just #showered, and I’m lying in #bed, trying to #rest. I’m #exhausted, even though I look oddly #peaceful in the photos I just snapped. A short book, THE MINDFUL WRITER, by Dinty W. Moore, lies beside me along with a rainbow @squishmallows that looks as #defeated, staring up blankly at the ceiling, as I feel on my third day of being really #sick. I think I’ve tried a dozen times to start it, but I fail every time to get past the third page because I just can’t concentrate.

I’m trying to focus in on my breath, but it’s difficult as I keep coughing. Not even the extra strength Halls cough candy is doing anything to give me even the smallest bit of relief from the coughing. It’s warm menthol smell floats through my mouth and nose, but in-spite of this I find that when I try to breathe in, through my nose, I cough. And when I try to hold my breath inside my lungs, I hack. And when I try to breathe out through my mouth, I choke. It’s a process that repeats itself, and to be honest, it’s disconnecting me from being able to find relaxation in the present moment as I find myself getting angry with myself for being physically sick.

I go to the kitchen to make a cup of Neocotrin, and maybe I’ll make a second cup of tea. I don’t know yet. My halls is getting smaller and soon my teeth are able to crush what’s left and I feel it’s slivers across my tongue which soon disappear from the steady sucking I’ve employed on its destruction. When my allergies used to be bad, I’d live on Halls as a means of providing relief from the congestion and constant sneezing that would take over in those moments, for hours at a time.

As soon as the boiling water hits the neocotrin crystals, the smell of lemon wafts up from the cup to float up into my nostrils, where they are gently sucked into my lungs. It’s calming, and needed, even though the drink is too hot to enjoy right away, I find myself starting to sweat again, and I don’t know what the rest of the night will bring.

#275/365.

#beyourownbeloved #beyourownbeloved💖 #depressionhelp #depressionawareness #startingover #selflove #selflovejourney #selflove #dailyselfie #dailywriting #subvertedselfies

From June 9, 2022

To my #MonkeyMind,

I wanted to share with you how I feel about our #relationship, because how it’s been going isn’t working for me anymore. Even though you make it impossible to do sometimes, deep down I do #care about myself and I feel you do too. So that’s why I need you to understand that when you #criticize me, it hurts so much. Especially when your #nagging thoughts turn towards self hatred and self loathing.

I wanted to share with you that when you criticize me, it hurts.

When you say “Why do you even bother trying, you’ll just fuck it up like you always do!” it eats away at my #confidence.

When you say “Steve, you’re a fucking loser!” it feels like a #slap to the face.

When you #scream “I hate myself so much!” it tears at the very fibre of my being.

I’m tired of feeling the dread inside my mind that’s accelerated by you whenever I do something wrong, like sleeping in too late or not finishing something on time.

I’m tired of you encouraging me to eat away my sorrows by #devouring the absolute worst foods I can find.

I’m tired of you egging me on, to the point where I start hitting myself whenever I get really frustrated with something.

And when you see my prescription pill bottle in my hand, even though you say nothing, I want you to know how I feel you wanting to see me down the entire bottle like they were M&M candies. That hurts most of all.

So I’m going to tell you to #STOP whenever you start in on me negatively. I’m going to tell you to be kinder and gentler with me every time you want to bring me down.

We would never say or do these awful kinds of things with others - we cherish and care for others deeply and it’s time to give that same care to ourselves. I know that if we can do that we will take one step towards living a longer and more fulfilling life.

Love,

Steven

160/365.

#beyourownbeloved #beyourownbeloved💖 #depressionhelp #depressionawareness #startingover #selflove #selflovejourney #selflove #dailyselfie #dailywriting #subvertedselfies #subvertedselfie #art #photography #photo #selfloveisnotselfish #sad #depressed

June 1, 2022: Hello June. I’m here again, trying to pickup my #subverted #selfie project following the #beyourownbeloved challenge from February. I stalled with that but tried again in May, only making it to May 4, just 1 day longer than I had back in February. On May 5 I had a #breakdown which flatlined my #creativity for the rest of the month as I focused on my #university work: stuff for a course on Creativity & Leadership from the spring; followed by work for an Art History of Graffiti course I’m doing right now.

The theme for the 1st day of the BE YOUR OWN BELOVED challenge centred on taking a first step, but this week the fog of my #depression has socked back into my life. It hurts. I feel the stress clenching my heart, making each #beat tinge with an electric shock. My breathing is #laboured as my mind falls in & out of moments of overwhelm. Yesterday, I managed to make my #bed for the 1st time in months. The smell of clean sheets is comforting.

This morning, I ended up texting with a woman from an online depression group I’m in. She’s going through a rough time, & I talk about monkey mind & quote Natalie Goldberg, Jon-Kabat Zinn. I remind her that she’s not other peoples thoughts of herself. I describe using breath-work to reconnect with the present moment, & journaling to expel negative thoughts. Things I should be doing.

My legs are still beat up. I can feel the pain of a fresh scar as my bare leg runs along the sheets, a scar from a deep scratch that I’m not sure how I got. My feet are dry from running the fan in my room. My tattoo peaks out from the sheets it’s laying on & I wonder what might happen to it should it ever get deeply scratched. Would it be ruined forever?

I end up listening to a March 21, 2021 talk with Natalie Goldberg, where she recalls how her Zen teacher, Katagiri Roshi once said to her about responding to the throws of depression: “…get up & brush your teeth…. Make positive effort for the good… brush your teeth… wash the dishes. Just assert yourself. Make positive effort for the good.”

So just for today, I’ll try just that. To make positive effort for the good.

152/365.

#beyourownbeloved #beyourownbeloved💖 #depressionhelp #depressionawareness #startingover #selflove #selflovejourney #selflove #dailyselfie #dailywriting #subvertedselfies #subvertedselfie #art #photography #sad #depressed

HOW HAS IT BEEN EMERGING INTO THIS EXPERIENCE?

Today's prompt is all about emerging into the process and our photo using one of my favourite creative ways to take a photo. It's a great one to help us emerge a bit more into the photo and this experience. How has it been emerging into the experience as a whole far?

Today was truly tiring. By the time I got to my Mom’s, I wanted nothing more than to just sleep the night away. All day, it felt like I could do nothing right. This morning, I slept in. Again. It’s what usually happens in my life when my insomnia leaves me tossing and turning, endlessly scrolling on my smartphone or thumbing through a half-finished book. I don’t bother having the television on, although sometimes I watch a movie or television show on my phone. Before my stroke sometimes I’d lay on my side and sketch in a sketchbook, fooling around with different coloured pencil techniques. But since my stroke I haven’t even done that, even though my physiotherapists have said it would be good to help rebuild the connections between my brain and my body. I don’t even enjoy myself that way some people do late at night. The stroke impacted my ability to be a man, and the various heart and antidepressants they have me on also leave me feeling empty inside when it comes to intimacy. Reflecting back, I don’t think I even took my morning medication. And by the time I was ready to face the world, it was after 1 in the afternoon.

I first went to Peace Arch Hospital where the elevator ride to the sixth floor felt like it took a hour, stopping at almost every floor with little to no people riding with me. I went to the IV Therapy clinic, to get a new copy of the bloodwork requisition form I needed, as I’d misplaced the one I was given a week ago to take with me to my 2:30 LifeLabs appointment. The nurse obliged, disappearing for awhile into a back office before coming back down the hall with the all important paper: my passport for another month of weekly tests. The bright light of the afternoon sun had broken through the clouds and shone down the corridor, making me squint a little & placing a hazy aura of white light around her silhouetted figure. I thanked her & left, feeling confident I’d get to the lab on time. Thankfully I did make it to LifeLabs on time, But LifeLabs rejected the form I was given, as they were adamant that there is no CP6 test the form asked for (which I later googled & learned stands for Chemistry Profile 6, or Chemistry Panel 6 in British Columbia). So I had to leave, with the hope I could get a third form during my IV appointment at 4.

I next went to Choices Market, as my Mum wanted one of their cooked chickens, which they didn’t have. So I got some slices of their own baked maple glaze ham, and a few other things before dropping it all off at Mum’s just in time to head back to the hospital for day 50 of my antibiotics IV. The same nurse who gave me the purportedly wrong form found it funny that LifeLabs didn’t know what CP6 was, and I heard her in the hallway joking about it with a few other nurses. They felt bad I’d been sent away. She also changed the bandages on my feet and toes, taking time to gently clean each toe. She told me that she was going to book time for me with a wound specialist on Friday to remove some of the hardened calloused skin that if left on the foot could stop the wounds from fully healing properly.

I then got a large bowl of pozole to go for my dinner from a local Mexican restaurant, Ay Chihuahua, as well as a couple of enchiladas, some rice, and refried beans. I then drove over to get something for my Mum from Boston Pizza, specifically, Boston’s Mac n Cheese. I had placed the order online before leaving the hospital, & I added shrimp as a surprise I thought she’d enjoy. But when she dug into it at home I found the addition was something didn’t like. At first she thought they were hunks of cheese to which I said “…no, those are shrimp. It had an option to add protein so I thought you might enjoy shrimp.”

She bit into a piece, spitting it out almost immediately. “It’s dry,” she replied with disappointing frustration. “Next time, just get me Mac n Cheese. Nothing else.”

My heart sank, as it seems whenever we get takeaway something is wrong with Mum’s meal. The only positive today was that I got her meal home quickly, so it was still hot. “I’m sorry,” I said, to which she said “…don’t be, it’s not your fault.”

I USED THE WORD 'EMERGING' BECAUSE I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT TO LET OURSELVES EASE INTO THE PROCESS. WHAT ARE THE COMFORT ZONES YOU'RE NOTICING SO FAR?

Are you noticing that some prompts are more outside your comfort zones than others? If you find yourself coming up against a comfort zone, could you let yourself use a tool like this and emerge into the photo gently rather than push yourself and make it all or nothing? Can you think of any other times you let yourself stretch into an experience, step by step and let yourself emerge gently?

After eating, I went to the guest room at Mum’s, which since COVID has become my home away from home. In fact, since my stroke & my issues with my feet, I haven’t been to my own place much at all in 2023. I crawled into bed and my little dog Kira jumped up to snuggle down next to me. My head throbbed as I mindlessly scrolled YouTube on my iPhone. Soon, I fell asleep. A few hours later my Mum woke me up, asking if I’d turned in for the evening and saying the garbage had to go out. She then looked down at the fan next to my bed, saw that it was dusty and that it needed to be wiped clean “…as it might catch fire!” She then went into the bathroom to get a cloth. I got up to attend to the garbage, & to make tea. That’s when we got into words, this time over the state of the guest room toilet which I haven’t cleaned since August. It’s these little messes that sets her off, as over time they’ve added up bit by bit. Every other day now the frustration over my laziness boils over into a war of words between us. The worst part is that I’m not mindful when Mum gets upset, my empathic nature picks up on her exasperation, raising the heat in my veins as well. It’s something I’m not proud of. It’s something I wish I could deal with better. I’m tired of my anxiety, depression, and now the 50 days of antibiotic therapy, all of which drag me down. Little victories of tackling the messes in my life seem few & far between, as I find it impossible to emerge from beneath their weighted strain that pulls me down. I want to get better, I long for it, cry for it, hell, I’d even die for it.

This was originally posted on Instagram.

Today’s photo prompt and reflective journaling questions for today was a part of the BE YOUR OWN BELOVED photo workshop challenge which is run several times throughout the year by photographer VIVIENNE McMASTER. It’s well worth signing up for, and doing alongside other participants.

DAY 4: THE STORY OF YOU

THESE EARS HAVE HEARD...

These hands have created a vanilla sundae with whipped cream, chocolate syrup, & a maraschino cherry in a small clear glass desert bowl with a short stem & pedestal - only the sundae itself was crafted out of melted wax crayons for an art project Ms Reed had our grade 5 class make.

The fingers of these hands have created the sound of music as they learned to dance across the ivory keys of the wood grained upright Yamaha piano my parents enrolled me to learn when I was ever so young. And these hands wiped away tears from my eyes on the days I’d have a temper tantrum, fighting with Mum over not wanting to practice.

These hands have created pencil drawings of the Cariboo-Chilcotin region I grew up surrounded by, in the heart of British Columbia, Canada when I was twelve years old - inspired by the pen & ink drawings of Canadian artist Al Ranger whose book “The Cariboo: Sketches, Maps & Trip Notes by Al Ranger” still has a place on my shelf today. One of those drawings won an honourable mention at a retreat in Portland, Oregon I attended through my first high school, the White Rock Christian Academy.

These hands have created oil paintings on canvas at the age of fourteen, when I told my Mum I wanted to learn how to paint like that easy going painted on television, Bob Ross. Somehow Mum found a local woman, Artist Vee Hansen, who ran a small framing & arts supplies store that also offered classes for adults. She let me join her class of adult painters, where I caught on quickly, recreating a scene of Mt St Helen’s before its explosion. It was a curriculum that eventually replaced playing the piano, a decision I’ve often regretted as I got older. But the painting has been something I’ve continued to do, on & off, ever since.

These hands have created a scar in me, when I woke to find them frozen with a tingling sensation akin to the feeling one has when their foot falls asleep. I’d felt sick before going to bed that night on the last day of January 2023, so much so I remember taking some nighttime cold & flu medication before falling asleep early, around 7pm. Around 10pm I remember waking from my slumber to a strange sensitivity that ran up my arms, into my chest & down my right leg. I remember laying in bed, slightly scared as I wondered what was happening as the awareness of something normal returned to my left side. I stumbled out of bed, & through my fog I wandered down the hallway to the kitchen to find my Mum, and explain to her how I was feeling. FAST, the acronym society uses to identify the advancing onset of a stroke didn’t seem to apply to me. FAST, but my Face wasn’t droopy. FAST, but I could lift my Arms above my head. FAST, but my Speech wasn’t impaired. So I decided to return to bed, hopeful the feeling in the rest of my body would return by morning, just as it had in my left side just a few moments before.

But it didn’t. I woke again around 6am, & struggled to even manoeuvre to the toilet. Pulling down my pyjama bottoms was a struggle, & wiping my own ass felt impossible due to that damn lingering sensation of a tingling numbness in my arm & what was my once dominant right hand. I flushed as it took all my strength to hoist myself up onto my legs, & I stumbled down the hallway to the entrance to the garage.

I sloppily stuffed my feet into my shoes, lumbering across the garage to go outside. There, I trudged through the snow to the mailbox that hadn’t been checked in days. I made it, collected the few pieces of junk mail in my left hand, and headed back towards the house only to find my right shoe had slipped off near the foot of the driveway not long after I had ventured out. It scared me that my bare skin hadn’t even noticed the cold, damp, snow as my foot took slow step after slow step to the community mailbox a block away from the house. Something was wrong.

But I still decided to ignore my aching distant desire to call 911, instead I chose to sleep some more. So, when I woke again around 11am, almost 13 hours after a part of my body decided to go on some kinda permanent vacation, I finally made the decision to call 911. After being taken to the hospital by ambulance around 2pm, emergency room staff put me through a barrage of tests. I remember the sound of my gurney’s smooth wheels gliding along the white medical grade vinyl flooring with grey speckled spots as I watched the two by four ceiling tiles pass by overhead, broken up by panels of fluorescent light tubes that lit our path. I was still conscious when a doctor came to my emergency room bedside to break the news to me. It was now around 10pm, almost 24 hours after I had awakened to my new reality of which this middle aged man offered clarity without comfort: I had suffered a stroke.

A stroke. Something old people have. A stroke. His words were scolding, for my not coming in right away, as any of the pharmaceutical cocktails they could have given me would now be ineffective. A tear streamed down my face. I’m certain anyone could have smelled the fear that was wound deep in my being at that moment in time. A stroke. Sometimes called a brain attack. An event the CDC describes as occurring “…when something blocks blood supply to part of the brain or when a blood vessel in the brain bursts. In either case, parts of the brain become damaged or die. A stroke can cause lasting brain damage, long-term disability, or even death…” A stroke.

Part of my brain was damaged. Part of my brain was dead. This was my new reality. Would these hands ever create anything ever again? Not knowing was the most terrifying of all. I sobbed deeply with the wail of a moan, a broken cante jondo. Nothing prepares you for these things. For things that have the potential to change the trajectory of the rest of your life.

(277/365).

This was originally posted on Instagram.

Today’s photo prompt and reflective journaling questions for today was a part of the BE YOUR OWN BELOVED photo workshop challenge which is run several times throughout the year by photographer VIVIENNE McMASTER. It’s well worth signing up for, and doing alongside other participants.

Committing suicide does not change the experience of Soul a person might have. Its just one of the circumstance that lead to death. Committing suicide may result in gathering such circumstance as would make the person to commit suicide again and again. This may continue upto atleast seven life times.

To know more please click on:-

English: www.dadabhagwan.org/path-to-happiness/self-help/suicide-p...

Gujarati: www.dadabhagwan.in/path-to-happiness/self-help/suicide-pr...

Hindi: hindi.dadabhagwan.org/path-to-happiness/self-help/suicide...

Depression is a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think and how you act.

Click here to learn more about depression:

bit.ly/3RliM2S

From June 10, 2022: #Embracing and #confronting our #shadow can be difficult for me. I don’t like #confrontation. I shy away from it a lot. Today’s @beyourownbeloved #photo and #reflective writing prompts focussed in on the concept of the shadow.

We had fairly good weather today: it was both #sunny and #bright. So, I took the easy photos: ones where the sun hung high overhead, reflecting my frame onto #mundane surfaces like the grass and the pavement. But even my Monkey Mind felt they were shots I and so many others had done before.

So I left it for awhile… in fact, I almost forgot about it. Then, as I made my way out of my #bedroom early that evening, I caught a glimpse of my shadowy figure climbing up the wall. And I was enchanted. I wondered if that’s how artist Richard Hambleton @richardhambletonfoundation first discovered the kind of lanky figure that would form the basis for the shadowmen he painted in the 1970s and 80s. Had he glimpsed his own shadow on the wall of his flat a half century ago?

Today, I feel #tired. I slept in again. Eventually, I headed out and had a #manicure to shed the dry skin off of my feet. I have a #fan on at night and it sits near the foot of my bed, but wow it leaves my #feet so dry.

I also picked up a new @thetorocompany gas #lawn #mower as our older one finally bit the dust a few weeks ago. The grass at Mum’s needs cutting. It’s really high in some places, and my Maltese poodle pup along with my Mom’s miniature poodle push through it, as if trying to form a path through African long grass, with blades that were as high as their heads in some spots. It’s how I feel about life when my monkey mind natters away - it’s like I’m cutting through long grass, unsure of my destination, unsure of my life. And when I’m broken, I feel as ephemeral as my shadow on the wall.

161/365.

#beyourownbeloved #beyourownbeloved💖 #depressionhelp #depressionawareness #startingover #selflove #selflovejourney #selflove #dailyselfie #dailywriting #subvertedselfies #subvertedselfie #art #photography #photo #selfloveisnotselfish

Panic Attacks - Live a Free and Happy Life Without Panic Attacks and Anxiety.

From November 4, 2021: …yes, I also saw the ubiquitous #rainbow that seemed to strike all areas of #MetroVancouver and even the #FraserValley this Thursday #afternoon.

I felt okay in this moment. Mum was home, still sore, her mouth swollen from the #teethextraction that had taken place the day before and landed her in the #hospital late Wednesday night.

I slept for a large part of the day, only broken up by a quick trip out to get a few #groceries, but following an afternoon nap, I managed to wake up in time to see nature’s play of light. I didn’t feel #depressed today, but it might have been because I was so tired. I found a @coursera course focussed on #suicide, which I started listening to before my nap. I want to take notes on these #mental health #courses I’ve been working through - which I haven’t done in awhile. I’ve been mainly powering through listening to them, and I do want to cement the learning more by listening again while taking notes. Some have little assignments or reflections I need to also do.

Anyway. Other than that, nothing too exciting. I saw someone featured as a KPU alumni and they had their class 4 license listed on their @linkedin so I added my class 5. 😂 Seems silly but in many ways it’s not. I’ve had several jobs where I had to have my driver’s license and access to a #vehicle. And when I worked at the pre-employment background checking company, it was a common inquiry by companies who were hiring, to have us look up an applicant’s driver’s abstract. Before #covid I had thought of going for my class 4, but never got around to looking into that. So something to do for the future maybe. Class 4 in British Columbia is required if you want to drive for companies like @uber, or I believe for taxis or limousines, even some busses. The closest to a small bus I ever got to drive were large vans we sometimes rented at the student union for the odd event.

Anyway I digress.

Post 308/365 of my #subverted #selfie #project.

This photo was originally posted on Instagram.

#depressionawarenessdepressionawareness #depressionhelp #selfietime #mentalhealth #dailyupdates #dailyupdate #life #livingmybestlife #livingmylifelikeitsgolden💛 #lifestyle #365selfies #365selfiechallenge #365selfieproject #sky

Hawaii Island Recovery provides dual diagnosis therapy for people suffering from addiction and psychological disorders

February 13, 2022: I took this #photo and made this #collage at just after midnight. The text is from a @mikedooleytut e-mail that was the first e-mail I received today. “By simply choosing to be #joyful… it’s physically impossible to get #angry, #fret, #stew, or #worry.” It’s a message I know, and have heard before. But it’s a #message I forget more often than not to practice in my own life. It fits so perfectly with what @gary_zukav says about being emotionally aware through #mindfulness, about being able to see how we feel and to make responsible #choices about how we act on those #feelings.

I felt so tired last night, but I was also so restless. It’s like I was so out of it yesterday that my monkey mind was keeping me awake with my worries and with my thoughts of how horrible I am as a human being.

I finally started to take down the Christmas tree yesterday. While I did this, I started listening to @brenebrown’s @soundstrue audiobook MEN, WOMEN & WORTHINESS: THE EXPERIENCE OF SHAME AND THE POWER OF BEING ENOUGH. In it, Dr. Brown provides a strong definition of #SHAME and #GUILT, as follows:

“SHAME: is a sense that we are bad. That there’s something about us, that we’ve done or failed to do, that makes us #unworthy of #love, of #acceptance, of belonging... ‘I am bad.’ … Shame is a focus on self… ‘I’m such an idiot, I’m such a #loser…I’m stupid, I’m a loser. I’m an idiot.’ … Shame is ‘I am a mistake’… There’s something profoundly, deeply wrong with who I am… Shame is highly correlated with (the dangerous outcomes of) addiction, #depression, eating disorders, suicide, violence… Shame is being held up against the ideal, that somehow we can live lives and edit them as we are living them, so that what the world only sees is what’s perfect about us.”

“GUILT: is not a focus on who we are, but on something we have done... I did something bad… Guilt is a focus on behaviour…. ‘I can’t believe I did that. That was a really stupid thing to do… I did something that doesn’t fit with who I want to be.’ …“

I think it would be a good exercise to break down some of my more negative subverted #selfie posts, like the one I posted yesterday, where I dump on myself.

This was originally posted on Instagram.

44/365

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To Write Love On Her Arms is a movement to help people with suicide and depression. it's probably the best movement out there.

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the day before valentine's day is the day with the most suicides a year.

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DAY 05: OUR REFLECTIONS

I know for many of us we hear 'reflection' and we think the mirror. And the mirror is often another place like through the camera where we might find old stories come up. We'll connect with the mirror later in class, but today is about reclaiming a playful and inquisitive relationship with our reflection. How did finding your reflection in this way feel?

From October 5, 2023: With photo challenges like this, I have to be careful that I don’t overthink a challenge & become paralyzed by the process. So, as I headed out, I reminded myself to keep it simple & just be mindful of recognizing those brief moments when my reflection appears on surfaces that aren’t traditionally considered mirrors.

With the injuries to my feet, my adventures have been confined to taking short drives to grocery stores, restaurants, pharmacies, & the hospital. Today was no different, as I drove from my Mom’s to Peace Arch Hospital. After registering, I head to the cafeteria to get an oatmeal cookie, a bottle of water, & a hot tea. When the cafe is closed, I stop to see what the vending machines have. When I was young, they stood as shrines of sugary, addictive junk food. But now they only offer purportedly healthy snack food items in each slot of every row. My finger reaches out to type 1, 4 & 4. The machine’s readout displays the price of a small bag of peanuts: $3.75. I roll my eyes at the price, even though I’ve purchased this item before & knew what it would say. I walk away, deciding not to get anything.

HOW IS BUILDING YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO YOURSELF THROUGH THE CAMERA FEELING FOR YOU SO FAR THIS MONTH?

We're only on Day 5, but we're already in the process of creating a habit of taking a selfie each day and building a relationship to ourselves through the camera. What has that relationship been in the past between you and a photo? And what would you like it to be like in the future? Proclaim it here in this space...what are some words to describe how you'd like your relationship to seeing yourself in photos be in the future? Open? Kind? Inquisitive? Exciting? Thoughtful? There is no right or wrong here...let whatever is coming up for you have a place to land here!

It can be a struggle to stop myself from binging. Crawl out of bed in a depressed state? Head to the kitchen to have a bowl of Corn-Pops; a few slices of toast with either butter, peanut butter, & jam on it, or instead of jam, honey; a muffin, heated with butter; a few glasses of fruit juice; a small yogurt with granola sprinkled on top; & a large cup of tea with milk. Head back to bed. When I’m driving, it can be a challenge not to turn into some place like the Dairy Queen to order a chocolate dipped vanilla soft serve cone, or a peanut buster parfait. And it’s also a challenge not to load up on an extra large popcorn; Reese’s Pieces peanuts wrapped in smooth peanut butter & a crunchy candy shell; as well as an extra large Coca-Cola when I go to the movies.

Even writing this reflection in bed makes me wonder what junk may be sitting in the cupboard, the fridge, or hidden in the garage. I haven’t gained weight since my stroke, but it’s a fear. I hate fat Steve. He kept me from being photographed with friends, & in selfies.

(278/365).

This was originally posted on Instagram.

Today’s photo prompt and reflective journaling questions for today was a part of the BE YOUR OWN BELOVED photo workshop challenge which is run several times throughout the year by photographer VIVIENNE McMASTER. It’s well worth signing up for, and doing alongside other participants.

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જીવનમાં આવતી વિપરીત પરિસ્થિતિઓ સામે નિરાશ થઇ એકલતા અનુભવાય છે ત્યારે આવી પડેલી પરિસ્થિતિનો સામનો કેવી રીતે કરવો? શું એનો અંત આવશે? આ મુંઝવણો અને પરિસ્થિતિઓમાંથી કેવી રીતે અને કઈ સમજણે બહાર નીકળવું? વધુ જાણવા નિહાળો આ વીડિયો:

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