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Ego is like the cloak that shadows the spirit - always doubting, always seeking validation from outside of itself, it is controlling, manipulating, and often driven by primal needs.
Its that voice that tells you - you cannot do this, that voice that makes you feel insecure. Or that voice that tells you to cheat - it will be ok. It is like the voice of the demon that constantly needs to control you. It constantly pumps itself up in order to make you feel good and desperately seeks validation from others. It cringes and becomes the victim when under scrutiny. It disarms you in so many ways.
Spirit on the other hand sits quietly in the background, not judging, just 'being' waiting silently for you to acknowledge and tap into this great fountain of wisdom laying dormant inside of you.
Spirit never doubts, spirit never judges, spirit just 'is' your greatest reservoir that never needs validation. It is your authentic self that knows all things.
When man has exhausted everything outside of himself - only then may he turn in on himself and discover the greatest gift of all - that which lays dormant inside of him.
Society has orchestrated it this way - not wanting you to gain this power that is within each of us.
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∎ Created with Midjourney, further edited with Topaz Photo AI
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From childhood to youth and from youth to old age, humans strive to earn respect and admiration from others. We constantly seek validation, trying to prove ourselves worthy in the eyes of others. But the world remains unimpressed, never satisfied with our efforts.
If you're simple and genuine, the world mocks you, calling you naive or weak. If you're intelligent and insightful, it envies you, feeling threatened by your wisdom. If you keep to yourself, it labels you arrogant or aloof. If you're friendly and outgoing, it calls you a flatterer or people-pleaser.
In the end, you'll leave this world quietly, wondering what it was all about. You'll ask, "What was the point of this life?" And nobody will have the answer.We realize too late that true fulfillment comes from within, not from external validation.
Source: www.facebook.com/groups/169859751815174/permalink/8315815...
SEEKING VALIDATION.
A Meditation on Life’s Journey.
Navigating through life is more a matter of asking the right questions to the answers you seek.
Not all answers give the complete truth, if that question is vague or hesitant.
Often considering the question in full before asking opens up doors to inner truths that you were withholding from yourself.
The answer will come unbidden, all you have to do is recognise that truth.
Wasn't allowed to go to BullFest and I turned down Lehigh's C&C for the month — but it's clear I made the right choice.
The Birth of a Legend: Brief Background on the Shelby Cobra
In the early 1960s, automotive visionary Carroll Shelby envisioned a car that would combine American muscle with European agility. The result was the legendary Shelby Cobra —a fierce hybrid, born from coupling a potent American V8 engine with a lightweight British AC Ace chassis.
SIGNIFICANCE IN AMERICAN AUTOMOTIVE HISTORY
The Shelby Cobra stands as a monumental achievement in American automotive history. It broke the European stronghold on sports car racing and established the U.S. as a serious contender on the international stage. Winning the FIA World Sportscar Championship in 1965, the Cobra became the first American car to claim this prestigious title, sending shockwaves throughout the automotive world.
OVERVIEW OF ITS IMPACT ON RACING
But the Shelby Cobra’s legacy isn’t confined to its aluminum and steel composition. Its racing accomplishments are stuff of legend—from the rigorous 12 Hours of Sebring to the grueling 24 Hours of Le Mans. Through these competitions, the Cobra didn’t just achieve victories; it became an enduring symbol of American grit, audacity, and innovation.
1963 – 12 Hours of Sebring: THE AUDACIOUS DEBUT
THE RACE
The 12 Hours of Sebring, a cornerstone in the American endurance racing calendar, is often cited as a rite of passage for new marques seeking international prestige. The Florida race is notorious for its grueling track, a blend of asphalt and concrete that wears both man and machine down to their breaking points. When the Shelby Cobra made its appearance at the Sebring track in 1963, the automotive world was watching with a blend of curiosity and skepticism. Could this American upstart hold its own against the likes of Porsche and Ferrari?
PERFORMANCE AND IMPACT
The Cobras faced a myriad of issues from the outset, including mechanical problems that kept them from clinching the top spot. Yet, despite these setbacks, their performance was revelatory. With blistering speed on the straights and remarkable agility, the Cobras held their ground and gave the European stalwarts a run for their money. Although they didn’t win, the cars demonstrated their considerable potential, setting the stage for their future domination.
KEY DRIVERS AND OUTCOMES
The 1963 Sebring race featured a talented roster of drivers behind the wheels of the Shelby Cobras, including the likes of Dan Gurney and Phil Hill, both of whom had already etched their names in motorsports history. While mechanical issues prevented the team from seizing victory, the experience and data gathered from this race were invaluable. It provided Shelby and his team the necessary insights to refine the Cobra, turning it into a more formidable contender in subsequent races.
The 1963 12 Hours of Sebring may not have been a crowning achievement for the Shelby Cobra, but it was a critical moment of validation. It showed that this audacious American experiment in high-speed engineering was more than just a novelty—it was a serious contender on the global motorsports stage. And it was only a hint of greater glories to come.
DOMESTIC SUCCESS: THE SHELBY COBRA REIGN SUPREME ON HOME TURF
Brief Overview of the SCCA
The Sports Car Club of America (SCCA) has long been a bastion for grassroots motorsport in the United States. Established in 1944, the SCCA organizes a wide array of racing events, from amateur autocross to high-level road racing championships. The SCCA National Championships serve as the pinnacle of this ecosystem, a stage where the best in American racing talent convenes to duke it out for domestic supremacy. Within this context, the Championships serve as an essential proving ground for American-made cars, and this is where the Shelby Cobra came to make yet another indelible mark.
How Shelby Cobras Performed in the Series
In the annals of SCCA history, few cars have made as resounding an impact as the Shelby Cobra. Its entrance into the series was akin to a hurricane hitting a placid coastline; it disrupted established norms and immediately set new standards. Cobras didn’t just participate in the SCCA—they dominated. Their combination of raw power, nimble handling, and superior engineering made them almost unbeatable in various classes.
Under the stewardship of experienced drivers and talented mechanics, the Cobras racked up victories and titles, sweeping aside more established names with seeming ease. The car became a staple at SCCA events, its unique roar echoing as both a siren song for enthusiasts and a harbinger of defeat for competitors.
LASTING IMPACT IN DOMESTIC RACING
The Shelby Cobra’s dominance in the SCCA wasn’t just a series of isolated victories; it was a seismic shift in American road racing. The car’s performance emboldened other American manufacturers to aim higher, to think beyond domestic markets, and to set their sights on international racing glory. In essence, the Cobra became the gold standard, the benchmark against which new entrants measured their mettle.
Moreover, the Cobra’s success created a ripple effect that transcended the racetrack. It influenced automotive design, spurring innovation in aerodynamics, engine efficiency, and materials science. Its success also led to a surge in interest in motorsports among the American public, transforming what had been a niche hobby into a mainstream cultural phenomenon.
SHELBY COBRA’S CONTINUED INFLUENCE IN THE RACING WORLD
Long after its initial heyday, the Shelby Cobra continues to resonate in the world of motorsports. The car’s design principles, focused on achieving a perfect balance between raw power and agile handling, have become a blueprint for sports car engineering. Subsequent generations of racers and automakers alike find themselves revisiting the Cobra’s playbook, keen on capturing even a fraction of its groundbreaking magic. Numerous racing events, including vintage and historic races, regularly feature Cobras—both original and replica—as testament to its everlasting appeal and effectiveness.
Source: CLASSIC RECREATIONS
* Car photographed at 2025 British Car Fest, Harper Junior College, Palatine, IL
Chassis No.: CSX. 3033
>>> Only question (in my mind) is [should the Cobra emblem in the upper left corner remain............or be removed? Viewers can give your opinions if you so choose.]
Proof that I got the shaft with the celebrity look-alike heritage thingy. Bastards. Looking for validation and keep coming up short.
It's funny when the world validates my insecurities. Funny in a way that makes my stomach tilttwistturn. Funny in a way that sets my nerves on end. And everything is too close and everything is too loud. I feel rubbed raw. And unanswered messages are made of the most pointed, staticky silence. You (being the You I mean most) will not tell me when you are angry. You will sit in another country and give me the cold shoulder until I'm forced to ask why. You (being many other you's) will not speak and expect me to know you're busy when you've dropped off in the middle of a sentence. (We'll say I'm paranoid later. We'll laugh.)
In the middle of asking me how I am.
And I try to answer anyway, even though I know that what you want to hear is a simple, concise, "fine" and what I want to say is miles and oceans away from that.
I am not fine.
And you are not listening.
And I care more than I wish I did.
The Search For Validation. 💟
Last time I checked, there wasn’t a scale for kindness, morality or sense of humour. There wasn’t a grade system for your ability to be swept away inside a beautiful song, or a book, or a poem. There’s no number that can be assigned to the impact your art can have on others, or the way your lover holds you when you come home defeated after a bad day.
I love social media, and I think it can bring all kinds of beautiful things into people’s lives - connection, art, sharing someone else’s joys, the bond of humanity across cultures. Social media essentially brought me a career in something I love, so I owe social media quite a lot.
That said, I’ve found it quite difficult to separate my art from the number that sits next to it. I’ve struggled with not questioning myself when faced with 200+ souls clicking a button to unfollow my work each time I share a new piece. Social media is rewiring us to find our validation in our phone screens, and I can promise you - it’s not there.
I’ve decided to start up a blog - somewhere with no measurements or numbers - to put all my thoughts and behind the scenes. My first post is the making of this image, as well as my journey of social media, and how it’s affected my self esteem. It feels exciting to be taking care of my “art & soul” (see what I did there?) a bit better!
Nikon D750
Nikon 24 - 120 f/4
1/125 | f/8 | 24mm | iso 250
Subject (me) lit with single B800 in large octabox camera left @ 1/2 power. Strobe fired with Phottix Atlas II and scene composed in, and shutter triggered using Camranger Mini
Validation is a wonderful thing. In fact, I would argue that all of us need validation in the things that we do. It’s a vital part of what keeps us going. If you’ve ever received a compliment on one of your photographs, or even something like an award, then you know the sense of pride and accomplishment that comes with it—and the renewed vigor with which you go out to create new, even better photographs than the ones that earned you those accolades in the first place.
All of this is a natural, normal phenomenon that is quite healthy and perhaps even vital to keep us going. But there is a dark side to validation, too. There are times, I think, when the need for validation is so extremely deep that it just goes too far.
It is, I think, imperative that we all occasionally take a moment for self-reflection into this matter. I have seen instances in which the drive for validation was so overwhelming that it ultimately not only soured an individual’s taste for their passion, but even led to estrangement among former friends all sharing that same passion.
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And so when I speak of this idea that we need to sometimes introspect on our own need for validation, what I would say is this: The first thing we must do is we must search within ourselves and learn why it is that we feel driven to create photographs. This means digging deep into our own psyches to ferret out the true reasons for doing it.
Truth be told, there can be so many reasons to get into photography. The need to be recognized for a talent can be one of them, but perhaps you also feel compelled to learn about the subjects you are photographing. Maybe you have a scientific interest in photography and painting with light. Perhaps there is just something about manipulating color, light, or geometry that appeals to you and leaves you feeling satisfied on a deep level.
Any number of these things can be reasons, or you could have reasons of your own—and in fact, you could find that there is not one singular reason to create, but a variety of them. I suspect that variety is the answer for most people. Photography is art, science, and constant learning all wrapped into one, which means it will scratch a great many of our itches at once.
As I’ve said, you will probably also find that the need for validation is one of the reasons why you create photographs. This is where things get tricky because, on the surface, there is absolutely nothing wrong with pursuing validation and recognition for your efforts. Of course those of us who are passionate about our art will want to show it to people. We’re excited for what we’ve created, we hope others will like it, too, and when they do, that validates us and our excitement.
If we put the need for validation on a spectrum, then this is the healthy end of the spectrum. Now, what lies at the unhealthy end of the spectrum?
On the unhealthy side, things start to distort. Here, you will find validation is king. All other things come secondary to that need. Creating photographs is no longer about a passion for colors or geometry. It’s no longer about learning about your subject material. It’s no longer focused on a person’s fascination for the science behind the art.
In a nutshell, when the need for validation takes over and becomes an unhealthy thing, the victim’s photography is no longer about producing a quality, meaningful product. Rather, it becomes a mass-produced thing in which the victim seeks to create as many “good” photographs as rapidly as they can so that once the buzz dies down from their last project, they have something to show to get that buzz going again.
And this is where the validation turns into a vicious cycle—or perhaps more accurately, a downward spiral into not only bitterness, but also the opposite of the intended goal, which is the lack of validation.
You see, when this goes far enough, people will excitedly throw their mass-produced work out into the world—perhaps on social media or elsewhere. Except, this work was produced only with validation in mind, which leads to work that carries no real meaning or interest for most people. Thus, the work gains no attention, and the artist remains unvalidated. But the need to get that validation is so great that after the work flops, they hastily toss something new out, hoping it will capture what the previous work did not.
It’s a sad cycle—and worse, the people trapped in it are often so focused on this need to get that validation that they stop listening to their peers. It’s almost like an addiction. The goal is to get the fix, and everything else is drowned out by this need. While the world may be telling someone stuck in this cycle to slow down, to put meaning and personal growth ahead of the praise, they just can’t. And I’m sure you can see where this would create conflict, not only of the internal kind, but among groups of peers, too. So what is the lesson here? It’s that all things are best when in balance. Of course, we all want validation—and we all need and deserve it, too. But when validation becomes the primary objective, it can become a dangerous beast.
Now go and enjoy the beauty of God’s creation through your lens.
Learn more: WillMoneymaker.com
Someone mentioned that they thought there was a resemblance between these two. While I do see a passing similarity in coloring, I think their attitudes are different enough to validate having both. :)
HEY ;)
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"Demoralizing off-hand rejections, the feeling that you’re missing out on ‘real life’ because you’re pouring yourself into your passion, the belief that you don’t deserve the recognition you've received — these are problems every creative deals with on a monthly, weekly, and sometimes even daily basis.
But many rejections are just the standard prequel to your first sale; those people who aren't missing out on ‘real life’ often envy those whose lives are ruled by passion instead of convention; and ‘impostor syndrome‘ goes hand-in-hand with well-deserved success."
This is definitely something that resonates with me. Rejection is a tough thing for me to deal with since my work is so personal to me.
This past month I was the featured photographer for GEM magazine which is very exciting! You can see the online version here: www.magcloud.com/webviewer/871716?__r=&s=v
You can read more here: iso.500px.com/inspiration-lara-jade-on-gratitude-self-wor...
The new 2018 "Freightliner Cascadia Evolution i" being road tested on I-84 near Hermiston, OR in April 2016 by Daimler North America's Product Validation(Test Fleet). The Cascadia Evolution i has a re-designed front end for increase aerodynamics.
Using the ticket machine at the tram stop - even here you can see Covid's effect as the machine opposite the couple (facing the camera) is deactivated to avoid passengers being too close together.
If you have been subjected to an entirely new environment – say, a completely new city/country/culture and were unsure of how to conduct yourself, chances are that you have observed what everyone around you does, for social cues, and followed them. Right?
Mimicry is likely a subconscious tribal-level survival skill. Visually signaling “I am one of you” meant “I am not an invader/enemy” and hoping it works. Whew!
So, when meeting someone new, if you have mimicked their body language, posture, or behavior to try to ‘fit in’ and/or accommodate the environment, it is highly probable that you were seeking social validation, even if you didn’t really realize it. It’s instinctual.
As Nora, seeking to “fit in” as an authentic woman was a life goal for many years.
In all this time, I just wanted to convincingly, and unhesitatingly, be perceived as a female: certainly by men, but; more importantly by women.
Evidence of success was elusive.
Sure, acceptance/compliments by trans or other CDs was welcome. The recent honor as PTG Magazine Cover Girl is an example. It definitely feels good!
Flattering comments by male admirers has also been encouraging. Thanks!
Yet, my ego has yearned for experience with unknowing, but accepting GG’s to achieve true social validation. This has rarely happened.
I’ve learned that GG’s who are paid for services such as photography, makeovers, sales of garments, hair etc. – do not count. Regardless of how friendly these women have been – the relationship is transactional. We are “friends” only if I remain their customer. I’ve learned this the hard way. Sigh.
At this stage in my life, after a lot of time/$ investment, this realization saddens me beyond words.
Nora
PS - With a refreshed perspective, the importance of few priceless friendships with other's like me has become magnified. Thanks again my friends - you are more important than you will ever know.
I have read so many personal stories this past couple of weeks, and each one has touched me. One of the recurring themes that has come out of these stories is that each of us, at different times in our lives, need hope and validation in order to live life well.
Some illnesses like multiple sclerosis, crohn's disease, fibromyalgia, lyme disease are difficult to diagnose as the symptoms can be mistaken for so many illnesses or it is so difficult to accurately describe what the symptoms are like that often those symptoms are dismissed by ourselves and the medical profession. While waiting for diagnosis we may lose hope and begin to doubt ourselves ... and before long a negative spiral of emotional and mental distress compounds our ability to cope. All we need is hope and validation.
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Share an image with the pledge to kiss goodbye group. You will help to raise awareness while boosting my personal donation to MS Australia at the end of this month.
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COPYRIGHT © Dragon Papillon Photography. 2013. All rights reserved.
I have posted this photo before, but I wore the outfit again today and had to share the most wonderful thing that happened. Keep in mind that I was masked and wearing my long, black, heavy winter coat.
I usually shop at a fairly large grocery store in my neighborhood, and I often stop at the Deli counter to pick up some chicken or a sandwich or some such. Today I asked for some roasted chicken, and as the attendant behind the counter was boxing it up, she said, "I have a compliment for you. There are two ladies who come in here who are always very nicely dressed...you and one other. You are just beautiful and always dressed so nice...even down to the color of your nails."
Well! There was more, but as one might imagine, I was deeply flattered and I told her so. "Oh, thank you...that means so much to me!" I said. "I'm so tall that I decided a long time ago that I could try to hide it, or I could work with it and say 'Here I am.'" She smiled and agreed. We exchanged names and a few more pleasantries and I went on with my shopping.
Of course, I had to second-guess the whole thing: Because I have been shopping there at least twice a month, did someone realize that I'm transgender, and share it at with the rest of the employees, so this one was actually patronizing me? I don't know, and never will, but as most of one's happiness depends entirely on how one frames life experience, I have decided to take her very welcome compliment as just that, and enjoy the warmth, on this coldest day of the past year, of her validation.
The thick Jacques Cartier.river is splits in two branch by a massive heap of earth which creates Montreal island. The both river branches stay big and stream is strong. The eastern branch is also devised itself to form smaller islands.
Sunset was on the way, I was standing one of those, looking at the city skyline. Then, I saw this young couple with in front of the huge bridge bearing the same name as the river.
They all look the same, dress the same way, use the same facial expressions and body language but each will tell you he's "doing his own thing" Interactions, mirroring consists of the parent imitating the infant's expressions while vocalizing the emotion implied by the expression. This imitation helps the infant to associate the emotion with their expression, as well as feel validated in their own emotions as the parent shows approval through imitation. Studies have demonstrated that mirroring is an important part of child and infant development. According to Kohut's theories of self-psychology, individuals need a sense of validation and belonging in order to establish their concepts of self. When parents mirror their infants, the action may help the child develop a greater sense of self-awareness and self-control, as they can see their emotions within their parent's faces. Additionally, infants may learn and experience new emotions, facial expressions, and gestures by mirroring expressions that their parents utilize. The process of mirroring may help infants establish connections of expressions to emotions and thus promote social communication later in life. Infants also learn to feel secure and valid in their own emotions through mirroring, as the parent's imitation of their emotions may help the child recognize their own thoughts and feelings more readily.When we meet others for the first time, we need to assess quickly whether they are positive or negative towards us, just as most other animals do for survival reasons. We do this by scanning the other person's body to see if they will move or gesture the same way we do in what is known as 'mirroring'. We mirror each other's body language as a way of bonding, being accepted and creating rapport, but we are usually oblivious to the fact that we are doing it. In ancient times, mirroring was also a social device which helped our ancestors fit in successfully with larger groups; it is also a left-over from a primitive method of learning which involved imitation.Additionally, individuals are likely to mirror the person of higher status or power within the situation. Mirroring individuals of higher power may create an illusion of higher status, or create rapport with the individual in power, thus allowing the person to gain favor with the individual in power. This mechanism may be helpful for individuals in situations where they are in a position of bargaining with an individual who possesses more power, as the rapport that mirroring creates may help to persuade the higher status individual to help the person of lower status. These situations include job interviews, other work situations such as requesting promotions, parent-child interactions, and asking professors for favors. Each of these situations involve one party who is in a more powerless position for bargaining, and another party who has the ability to fulfill the person of lower status's needs, but may not necessarily wish to. Thus, mirroring can be a useful tool for individuals of lower status in order to persuade the other party to relinquish goods or privileges for the lower status party.Mirroring generally takes place subconsciously as individuals react with the situation. Mirroring is common in conversation, as the listeners will typically smile or frown along with the speaker, as well as imitate body posture or attitude about the topic. Individuals may be more willing to empathize with and accept people whom they believe hold similar interests and beliefs, and thus mirroring the person with whom one is speaking may establish connections between the individuals involved.
One of the most noticeable forms of mirroring is yawning - one person starts and it sets everyone off. Dr. Robert Provine found that yawning is so contagious you don't even need to see another person yawn - the sight of a wide-open mouth is enough to do it. It was once thought that the purpose of yawning was to oxygenate the body but we now know that it's a form of mirroring that serves to create rapport with others and to avoid aggression - just as it also does for this pictured boat and yawning building.
Wearing the same outfit as another woman is a mirroring no-no. But if two men show up at a party wearing the same outfit, they could become lifelong friends.
Non-verbally, mirroring says 'Look at me; I'm the same as you. I feel the same way and share the same attitudes.' This is why people at a rock concert will all jump to their feet and applaud simultaneously or give a 'Mexican Wave' together. The synchronicity of the crowd promotes a secure feeling in the participants. Similarly, people in an angry mob will mirror aggressive attitudes and this explains why many usually calm people can lose their cool in this situation.
The urge to mirror is also the basis on which a queue works. In a queue, people willingly co-operate with people they have never met and will never see again, obeying an unwritten set of behavioral rules while waiting for a bus, at an art gallery, in a bank or side by side in war. Professor Joseph Heinrich from the University of Michigan found that the urges to mirror others are hardwired into the brain because co-operation leads to more food, better health and economic growth for communities. It also offers an explanation as to why societies that are highly disciplined in mirroring, such as the British, Germans and ancient Romans successfully dominated the world for many years. Mirroring the other person's body language and appearance shows a united front and doesn't let either get one-up on the other
Mirroring makes others feel 'at ease'. It's such a powerful rapport-building tool that slow-motion video research reveals that it even extends to simultaneous blinking, nostril-flaring, eyebrow-raising and even pupil dilation, which is remarkable as these micro-gestures cannot be consciously imitated.
Creating the Right Vibes
Studies into synchronous body language behavior show that people who feel similar emotions, or are on the same wavelength and are likely to be experiencing a rapport, will also begin to match each other's body language and expressions. Being 'in sync' to bond with another person begins early in the womb when our body functions and heartbeat match the rhythm of our mother, so mirroring is a state to which we are naturally inclined.
When a couple are in the early stages of courtship it's common to see them behave with synchronous movements, almost as if they are dancing. For example, when a woman takes a mouthful of food the man wipes the corner of his mouth; or he begins a sentence and she finishes it for him. When she gets PMT, he develops a strong desire for chocolate; and when she feels bloated, he farts.
When a person says 'the vibes are right' or that they 'feel right' around another person, they are unknowingly referring to mirroring and synchronous behavior. For example, at a restaurant, one person can be reluctant to eat or drink alone for fear of being out of sync with the others. When it comes to ordering the meal, each may check with the others before ordering. 'What are you having?' they ask as they try to mirror their meals. This is one of the reasons why playing background music during a date is so effective - the music gets a couple to beat and tap in time together. Mirroring on a Cellular Level
American heart surgeon, Dr Memhet Oz, reported some remarkable findings from heart recipients. He found that, as with most other body organs, the heart appears to retain cellular memories, and this allows some patients to experience some of the emotions experienced by the heart donor. Even more remarkably, he found some recipients also assume the same gestures and posture of the donor even though they have never seen the donor. His conclusion was that it appears that the heart cells instruct the recipient's brains to take on the donor's body language. Conversely, people suffering from disorders such as autism have no ability to mirror or match the behavior of others, which makes it difficult for two-way communication with others. The same goes for drunk people whose gestures are out of sync with their words, making it impossible for any mirroring to occur.
Because of the phenomenon of cause and effect, if you intentionally assume certain body language positions you will begin to experience the emotions associated with those gestures. For example, if you feel confident, you may unconsciously assume the Steeple gesture to reflect your confidence, but if you intentionally Steeple you will not only begin to feel more confident, others will perceive that you're confident. This, then, becomes a powerful way to create a rapport with others by intentionally matching their body language and posture.
Mirroring Differences Between Men and Women
Geoffrey Beattie, at the University of Manchester, found that a woman is instinctively four times more likely to mirror another woman than a man is to mirror another man. He also found that women mirror men's body language too, but men are reluctant to mirror a woman's gestures or posture - unless he is in courtship mode.
When a woman says she can 'see' that someone doesn't agree with the group opinion she is actually 'seeing' the disagreement. She's picked up that someone's body language is out of sync with group opinion and they are showing their disagreement by not mirroring the group's body language. How women can 'see' disagreement, anger, lying or feeling hurt has always been a source of amazement to most men. It's because most men's brains are simply not well equipped to read the fine detail of others' body language and don't consciously notice mirroring discrepancies.
Men and women's brains are programmed differently to express emotions through facial expressions and body language. Typically, a woman can use an average of six main facial expressions in a ten-second listening period to reflect and then feed back the speaker's emotions. Her face will mirror the emotions being expressed by the speaker. To someone watching, it can look as if the events being discussed are happening to both women.
A woman reads the meaning of what is being said through the speaker's voice tone and his emotional condition through his body language. This is exactly what a man needs to do to capture a woman's attention and to keep her interested and listening. Most men are daunted by the prospect of using facial feedback while listening, but it pays big dividends for the man who becomes good at it.
Some men say 'She'll think I'm effeminate!', but research with these techniques shows that when a man mirrors a woman's facial expressions as she talks she will describe him as caring, intelligent, interesting and attractive.
Men, on the other hand, can make fewer than a third of the facial expressions a woman can make. Men usually hold expressionless faces, especially in public, because of the evolutionary need to withhold emotion to stave off possible attack from strangers and to appear to be in control of their emotions. This is why most men look as if they are statues when they listen.
The emotionless mask that men wear while listening allows them to feel in control of the situation, but does not mean men don't experience emotions. Brain scans reveal that men can feel emotion as strongly as women, but avoid showing it publicly.
What to Do About It if You're Female
The key to mirroring a man's behavior is in understanding that he doesn't use his face to signal his attitudes - he uses his body. Most women find it difficult to mirror an expressionless man but with males this is not required. If you're a woman, it means that you need to reduce your facial expressions so that you don't come across as overwhelming or intimidating. Most importantly, don't mirror what you think he might be feeling. That can be disastrous if you've got it wrong and you may be described as 'dizzy' or 'scatterbrained'. Women in business who listen with a more serious face are described by men as more intelligent, astute and sensible.
When Men and Women Start to Look Alike
When two people live together for a long time and have a good working relationship, they often begin to look alike. This is because they are constantly mirroring each other's facial expressions, which, over time, builds muscle definition in the same areas of the face. Even couples who don't look facially similar can appear similar in a photograph because they use the same smile.
n 2000, psychologist Dr John Gottman of the University of Washington, Seattle, and his colleagues, discovered that marriages are more likely to fail when one partner not only does not mirror the other's expressions of happiness, but instead shows expressions of contempt. Instead, this opposite behavior affects the smiling partner, even when they are not consciously aware of what is happening.
Do We Resemble Our Pets?
You can also see mirroring occur in the pets some people choose. Without realizing it, we unconsciously tend to favor pets that physically resemble us, or that appear to reflect our attitudes. To demonstrate the point, here are a couple of examples: too far and presume that our model of body language and social interpretation applies to a dog's body language.
Be careful however not to extrapolate the metaphor too far and presume that our model of body language and social interpretation applies to a dog's body language.
Monkey See, Monkey Do
The next time you attend a social function or go to a place where people meet and interact, notice the number of people who have taken the identical gestures and posture of the person with whom they're talking. Mirroring is the way one person tells another that he is in agreement with his ideas and attitudes. One is non-verbally saying to the other, 'As you can see, I think the same as you.' The person with the highest status often makes the first moves and the others copy, usually in pecking order.
In the image above it is apparent by virtue of the facial expressions and other body language that there is a good rapport between the US President's wife Michelle Obama, of informally superior status, and a university president. If Michelle changes her body posture, one might expect there is a reasonably good chance the gentleman will unconsciously emulate her posture, indirectly demonstrating they are of the same mind. Mirroring happens among friends or between people of the same status and it is common to see married couples walk, stand, sit and move in identical ways. Albert Scheflen found that people who are strangers studiously avoid holding mirror positions.
Matching Voices
Intonation, voice inflection, speed of speaking and even accents also synchronize during the mirroring process to further establish mutual attitudes and build rapport. This is known as 'pacing' and it can almost seem as if the two people are singing in tune. You will often see a speaker beating time with his hands while the listener matches the rhythm with head nods. As a relationship grows over time, the mirroring of the main body language positions becomes less as each person begins to anticipate the other's attitudes, and vocal pacing with the other person becomes a main medium for maintaining rapport.
Never speak at a faster rate than the other person. Studies reveal that others describe feeling 'pressured' when someone speaks more quickly than they do. A person's speed of speech shows the rate at which their brain can consciously analyze information. Speak at the same rate or slightly slower than the other person and mirror their inflection and intonation. Pacing is critical when attempting to make appointments by telephone because voice is your only communication medium.
Intentionally Creating Rapport
The significance of mirroring is one of the most important body language lessons you can learn because it's a clear way in which others tell us that they agree with us or like us. It is also a way for us to tell others that we like them, by simply mirroring their body language.
If a boss wants to develop a rapport and create a relaxed atmosphere with a nervous employee, he could copy the employee's posture to achieve this end. Similarly, an up-and-coming employee may be seen copying his boss's gestures in an attempt to show agreement when the boss is giving his opinion. Using this knowledge, it is possible to influence others by mirroring their positive gestures and posture. This has the effect of putting the other person in a receptive and relaxed frame of mind, because he can 'see' that you understand his point of view. Before you mirror someone's body language, however, you must take into consideration your relationship with that person. Let's say, for example, a corporate employee has asked for a pay rise and is called into his manager's office. The employee enters the office, the manager asks him to sit down and assumes the Catapult with a Figure-Four showing the employee a superior, dominant attitude. But what would happen if the subordinate then instinctively copied the manager's dominant body language while discussing the potential salary increase? A boss might perceive a subordinate's mirroring behavior as being pushy or impertinent
Even if the employee's manner of speaking and phrasing was typical of a subordinate, the manager could feel affronted by the employee's body language, placing the employee's pay increase request in doubt and perhaps posing a threat to his future promotability. Mirroring is also effective for intimidating or disarming people who deem themselves 'superior' and try to take control of situations. Accountants, lawyers and managers are notorious for using superiority body language clusters around people they consider inferior. By mirroring, you can disconcert them and force a change of position. But never do it to the boss. Through mirrored multi-tasking, these business associates are taking their minds off what can seem an awkward encroachment on their personal zones.
Who Mirrors Whom?
Research shows that when the leader of a group assumes certain gestures and positions, subordinates will copy, usually in pecking order. Leaders also tend to be the first of a group to walk through a doorway and they like to sit on the end of a sofa, table or bench seat rather than in the center. When a group of executives walks into a room, the person with the highest status usually goes first. When executives are seated in the boardroom, the boss usually sits at the head of the table, often furthest from the door. If the boss sits in the Catapult, his subordinates are likely to copy in order of their importance within the group You can see this in a meeting where people 'take sides' with others by mirroring their body language. This lets you see who will vote with you and who will vote against you.
Mirroring is a good strategy to use if you are part of a presentation team. Decide, in advance, that when the team spokesperson makes a gesture or takes a posture when speaking, the entire team will mirror. This not only gives your team the powerful appearance of being cohesive, it can frighten the hell out of competitors who suspect something is up, even though they can't quite figure out what it is. When presenting ideas, products and services to couples, watching who mirrors whom reveals where the ultimate power or final decision-making ability lies. If the woman makes the initial movements, however small, such as crossing her feet, lacing her fingers or using a Critical Evaluation cluster and the man copies, there is little point in asking him for a decision - he doesn't have the authority to make it. When we rub both of our eyes simultaneously, it is as if we are telling our psyches, "I wish I never saw that", or "I can't believe he did that". We are trying to wipe it from our minds. People will also display this body language tell when recalling a past event in the "mind's eye".
Group Mirroring
It happens on fall season Sundays in American football stadiums around the country. Suddenly, 50,000 individuals became a single unit, almost a single mind, focused intently on what was happening on the field - that particular touchdown grab or dive into the end zone. Somehow, virtually simultaneously, each of those 50,000 people tuned into what the other 49,999 were looking at.
Becoming part of a crowd can be exhilarating or terrifying: The same mechanisms that make people fans can just as easily make them fanatics. And throughout human history we have constructed institutions that provide that dangerous, enthralling thrill. The Coliseum-like stadiums that host American football games or soccer games throughout the world are, after all, just modern knockoffs of the massive theater that housed Roman crowds cheering their favorite gladiators 2,000 years ago.
In fact, recent studies suggest that our sensitivity to crowds is built into our perceptual system and operates in a remarkably swift and automatic way. In a 2012 paper in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, A.C. Gallup, then at Princeton University, and colleagues looked at the crowds that gather in shopping centers and train stations.
In one study, a few ringers simply joined the crowd and stared up at a spot in the sky for 60 seconds. Then the researchers recorded and analyzed the movements of the people around them. The scientists found that within seconds hundreds of people coordinated their attention in a highly systematic way. People consistently stopped to look toward exactly the same spot as the ringers.
The number of ringers ranged from one to 15. People turn out to be very sensitive to how many other people are looking at something, as well as to where they look. Individuals were much more likely to follow the gaze of several people than just a few, so there was a cascade of looking as more people joined in.
In a study in Psychological Science, Timothy Sweeny at the University of Denver and David Whitney at the University of California, Berkeley, looked at the mechanisms that let us follow a crowd in this way. They showed people a set of four faces, each looking in a slightly different direction. Then the researchers asked people to indicate where the whole group was looking (the observers had to swivel the eyes on a face on a computer screen to match the direction of the group).
Because we combine head and eye direction in calculating a gaze, the participants couldn't tell where each face was looking by tracking either the eyes or the head alone; they had to combine the two. The subjects saw the faces for less than a quarter of a second. That's much too short a time to look at each face individually, one by one.
It sounds impossibly hard. If you try the experiment, you can barely be sure of what you saw at all. But in fact, people were amazingly accurate. Somehow, in that split-second, they put all the faces together and worked out the average direction where the whole group was looking.
In other studies, Dr. Whitney has shown that people can swiftly calculate how happy or sad a crowd is in much the same way.
Other social animals have dedicated brain mechanisms for coordinating their action - that's what's behind the graceful rhythms of a flock of birds or a school of fish.
Summary
Mirroring someone's body language makes them feel accepted and creates a bond and is a phenomenon that occurs naturally between friends and people of equal status. Conversely, we make a point of not mirroring those we don't like or strangers, such as those riding with us in a lift or standing in the queue at the cinema.
Mirroring the other person's body language and speech patterns is one of the most powerful ways to build rapport quickly. In a new meeting with someone, mirror his seating position, posture, body angle, gestures, expressions and tone of voice. Before long, they'll start to feel that there's something about you they like - they'll describe you as 'easy to be with'. This is because they see themselves reflected in you. A word of warning, however: don't do it too early in a new encounter as many people have become aware of mirroring strategies. When someone takes a position you have one of three choices - ignore it, do something else or mirror it. Mirroring pays big dividends. But never mirror a person's negative signals.
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