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So enjoyed trying to capture what the shadows were creating for me beneath the bridge. Love honest raw feedback, I have broard shoulders:)

I lost myself

It's hard to see the smile in the pain

And the heart is a fickle beast

That will bleed before it breaks

Catching up to what the head already knows

Nothing owns me

 

I lost myself for them

Their sharp whispers became my guiding light

Swallowed by their shadows in the dark

I silently screamed with a desire to become anyone else

They handed me the scissors every time they tore me at the seams

I had sacrificed my spark

 

I lost myself for him

Where love keeps a scorecard

It's all a game of the mind, power and control

Breadcrumbs are my favorite food, you know

Spirit of a warrior, I boxed with his shadows

I sacrificed my heart all for his ego

 

I lost myself for you

Rollercoaster of addiction, I just wanted to love

Too soon to gain and too soon to lose

In the quiet moments my voice stirred

The quieter I become the more I can hear

I sacrificed my sanity trying to be enough for you

 

I lost myself to find me

The worst part of going to sleep is waking up

Diamonds are guarded in vaults, not kept in the streets

I used my eyes to look and they saw

Turns out I was what was right with the world all along

Dawn broke, I am enough for me

 

I found myself

Following the whispers of my soul

I'm losing everyone and it's bringing me peace

Never saw it coming, a quiet plan is a blessed plan

It's comfortable in the shadows

Bound to my truth, I've had enough but I am still enough for me

 

- Poem by Bellaswan Garnet

 

🌈 Rainbow 🌈

 

That will never be me again

Memories are a punishment

Ugly rage

And it's woefully mine

I can't be homesick

Because there's no place I belong to

I'm standing here and I'm close to falling

Toeing the edge of madness between villain and hero

It's a fragile dance between shadows and light

With untold stories humming in the fading night

The mind never gets satisfied

It sharpens the knife

Building a fire in my eyes

Where betrayed tears used to flow

But that me doesn't exist anymore

 

-Poem by BellaSwan Garnet

  

Country song

Some people can subconsciously prevent you from becoming your best self.

 

Everything you do in this life- where you go, what you say, what you do and who you do it with is the result of your thoughts.

 

A big reason people fight is because people identify with their thoughts. When we were growing up, most of us believed that thoughts come from the inside. We thought that they were innately a part of us and that we *are* our thoughts. We started building our whole identities around our own little internal monologues.

And the bigger the idea, the more of your identity it represents. This is why politics and religion are such hotly debated topics, because they're such big ideas. If I say your political idea is a bad idea, and you base your identity on that idea, then effectively what you're hearing is that I'm calling you a bad person. You think that I'm attacking you, not the idea.

Something that might be even more common is that people just straight up attack the individual as a proxy for attacking that person's idea.

 

Somewhere along the way, a few people started realizing they had it all wrong.

 

In practice, a much better way to think about it is that the universe has an infinite number of streams of thoughts, so to speak, that our brains can kind of tap into like different radio stations. With this analogy, we no longer have to view ourselves as a series of thoughts but rather as an empty vessel by which thoughts pass through. Now we're like the DJ of a radio station, not the individual song. The self is merely an observer. It was this distinction that sparked one of the most famous philosophical debates of all time, which is, I think therefore I am versus I *do* therefore I am.

 

Spolier alert, you should pick the latter.

 

In this analogy, the self is determined by our ability to pick and choose different ideas from different streams of thoughts and combine them to form new ideas. Sort of like picking ingredients to make a sandwich.

This is different from the first paradigm, in which we would just take everything from the same stream and hope that the sandwich turns out good anyways.

 

Therapists know that this works, that's why when people come in complaining about depression, they're told to use the term "negative intrusive thoughts".

The idea is actually pretty simple. If you don't take ownership of the idea and instead you assign a label to it, then you can categorize it as something that life just happened to send your way but something that you're also allowed to throw away. You don't have to hold on to it because it's not actually a part of you. It's just a shitty song on the radio station.

 

So how does this all relate to other people holding you back?

 

To be continued..

 

Credited to Austin Ambrozi on TikTok

 

🐒 Dance Monkey 🐒

We found each other in ugly places. The kind that strip you down and show you who’s real. Somewhere in all that darkness, I found my very much loved friend Purr.

 

We got close fast, close like we’d already done the hard parts somewhere else. It’s strange knowing our lives missed each other for so long. Maybe if they hadn’t, this wouldn’t be what it is. Some bonds need the damage first.

 

The truth always comes out. When it does, the light doesn’t soften anything, it clarifies it. Purr wasn’t a coincidence. She belongs here, in my life, in my family, like it was always written that way.

 

She’s solid, kind and feircly outspoken. And still the easiest person to bully with love.

- Knives xo

Just watching the sun go down.

  

Hemyock, Devon, UK.

Under the velvet shroud of midnight, the ancient edifice breathes with a heavy, rhythmic groan, as if the very stones remember the centuries they have witnessed. It is whispered among the townsfolk that the spirits of the long-departed roam its gilded corridors, seeking a way back into the world of the living. To keep these restless shadows at bay, the great windows are bathed in a fierce, arterial red light, a spectral fire designed to ward off the malevolent forces that stir within the darkness of its Gothic arches.

 

The building stands as an epic testament to a forgotten era, its ornate carvings appearing to twist and writhe under the flickering crimson glow. It is a lighthouse for the damned, a fortress where the line between the sacred and the profane becomes blurred. Each night, the blood-red lanterns are lit with a silent prayer, ensuring that whatever haunts the hollow halls remains trapped behind the glass, unable to cross the threshold into the silent streets of the modern world.

There are moments when the light brushes against you and it feels like it’s touching a wound you’ve kept hidden for years. The kind that bleeds quietly, the kind you learned to live around. That soft brightness lands on you anyway, exposing the places you’ve gone numb, the places you’ve convinced yourself don’t matter anymore.

 

And suddenly you feel everything you’ve been holding back: the grief you never named, the loneliness you swallowed, the exhaustion that settled into your bones so slowly you mistook it for part of who you are. It’s overwhelming in a way that steals your breath, because you realize how long you’ve been surviving instead of living.

 

But in that raw, unguarded moment, something else stirs -something small, almost fragile. A longing you didn’t give yourself permission to feel. A quiet ache for gentleness, for rest, for a life that doesn’t require you to be so relentlessly strong. It’s terrifying to want that, to admit you’re tired of carrying the weight alone.

 

Yet there’s a strange, trembling hope in it too. Not the loud kind that promises everything will be okay, but the kind that whispers you might deserve more than the shadows you’ve grown accustomed to. The kind that asks you to stay still, to breathe, to let the light reach you even if it hurts. The kind that suggests healing begins not with triumph, but with finally allowing yourself to feel the depth of what you’ve survived.

Olympus digital camera

in the oldest street, the newest question.

Unsurprisingly I could not decide between the color edit and the black and white on these shadow fire escape photos. Two different angles/crops two different color ways.

 

As a little treat for myself I bought a secondhand Fuji FinePix S4800. I really enjoyed taking photos with the Kodak EasyShare C183 this month and it reinvigorated my excitement about photography once again.

 

I had felt it waning a little but trying to take photos in my style with something I wasn't as used to as my Nikon D5600 or D3200 (or heck even my Apple iPhone 12) was a fun challenge. It has helped remind me to be flexible, try different things, and stop relying on the usual methods.

 

The Fuji FinePix S4800 is a bump up from the Kodak's 14MP but still not quote the Nikon's 24MP. No view finder here, just the back screen. Also touting a 30x superwide zoom.

 

I wasn't sure it would show up in time to get any shots for the end of the July #ShittyCameraChallenge but it did. I am also struggling to call this a truly outdated or shitty camera at 14MP. I may try and put it on the tripod tomorrow morning before the sun comes up and see what I can get out of it in true low light conditions with the manual settings too. All in all well worth the $50 I spent on it and I am excited to carry it around with me for a while.

While at the flea market this weekend (my favorite place on Earth, these are my people) I managed to get two of these large crocheted doily tablecloths with almost not a single marinara stain on them. After a good long soak and wash and some time to dry in the sun they’re fresh and displayed here in my house. I paid $5.00 for the both of them and they’re each large enough to cover a (roughly) 2ft wide by 4ft long dining table. I am thrilled. I also got several yards of 1960’s & 1970’s fabrics (some woven, some knit, some polyester) and several vintage small perfume glass bottles with stoppers.

Macro Mondays Shade work theme.

In a world that tries to dim the light, I stand fearless and unapologetic. Strength isn’t just surviving the storm — it’s owning who you are in it. 🌈✨ Every scar tells a story, every shadow shapes the fire inside me. I’ve learned that resilience isn’t quiet — it’s bold, raw, and beautifully real. Grit in my bones, truth in my heart, and a little chaos in my veins. This is more than a portrait… it’s presence.

 

#UrbanGrit #MoodyVibes #DarkAesthetic #StreetPortrait #LGBTQArtist #GayAndProud 🌈 #CinematicPhotography #ShadowWork #RawEmotion #AuthenticSelf

The morning light was stunning this morning. Rainbow crackle looking reflections in the bathtub and warm lace shadows in the kitchen.

 

In Flickr Explore - 08/20/2025

Amsterdam, Netherlands

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First Project CARS ingame screenshot. Edited with Photoshop. Many thanks to Shadowworks for their awesome model.

#noir #image #hardwork #earth #and #rain #press #longday #inadayswork #barefoot #water #fruit #farmhouse #artwork #shadowwork #oldphotos #oldworld #folkart #colorless_world #colorless #blackandwhiteportrait #portrait #formyfamily #traditionalimage #spanish #manners #italian #andalusia #gilbertkingelisaphotography #gilbertkingelisa

Unsurprisingly I could not decide between the color edit and the black and white on these shadow fire escape photos. Two different angles/crops two different color ways.

 

As a little treat for myself I bought a secondhand Fuji FinePix S4800. I really enjoyed taking photos with the Kodak EasyShare C183 this month and it reinvigorated my excitement about photography once again.

 

I had felt it waning a little but trying to take photos in my style with something I wasn't as used to as my Nikon D5600 or D3200 (or heck even my Apple iPhone 12) was a fun challenge. It has helped remind me to be flexible, try different things, and stop relying on the usual methods.

 

The Fuji FinePix S4800 is a bump up from the Kodak's 14MP but still not quote the Nikon's 24MP. No view finder here, just the back screen. Also touting a 30x superwide zoom.

 

I wasn't sure it would show up in time to get any shots for the end of the July #ShittyCameraChallenge but it did. I am also struggling to call this a truly outdated or shitty camera at 14MP. I may try and put it on the tripod tomorrow morning before the sun comes up and see what I can get out of it in true low light conditions with the manual settings too. All in all well worth the $50 I spent on it and I am excited to carry it around with me for a while.

A beautiful temperate day for once. A breeze. Lush green plants everywhere. Blue sky. I want to remember the way this day felt.

© michael fellner 2012 all rights reserved

 

tunes: cat stevens . father and son www.youtube.com/watch?v=VlGLuRlhW3c

Deconstructing Sam

#spicollective #spi_collective #spi_bnw

#spi_shadows #fineart_photobw #fineart #graphic_art #shadowhunters #bnwphotography #bnwlife #magnumphotos #lensculture #shadow #conceptualphotography #shadowwork #vintageclothing #street

#allesgraufotografie

#blackandwhitephotography

#blackandwhite #bnw

#bnw_master

#schwarzweiß #geldern #monochromephotography

#monochrome #portraitphotography #streetphotography

#spicollective #spi_collective #spi_bnw

#spi_shadows #fineart_photobw #fineart #graphic_art #shadowhunters #bnwphotography #bnwlife #magnumphotos #lensculture #shadow #conceptualphotography #shadowwork #vintageclothing #street

#allesgraufotografie

#blackandwhitephotography

#blackandwhite #bnw

#bnw_master

#schwarzweiß #geldern #monochromephotography

#monochrome #portraitphotography #streetphotography

#spicollective #spi_collective #spi_bnw

#spi_shadows #fineart_photobw #fineart #graphic_art #shadowhunters #bnwphotography #bnwlife #magnumphotos #lensculture #shadow #conceptualphotography #shadowwork #vintageclothing #street

#allesgraufotografie

#blackandwhitephotography

#blackandwhite #bnw

#bnw_master

#schwarzweiß #geldern #monochromephotography

#monochrome #portraitphotography #streetphotography

My inspiration songs for this pictur:

Imagine Dragons - Eyes Closed (Official Music Video)

 

The message of the Solar Eclipse on 8.4.2024 and the Pink Full Moon in Scorpio on 24.04.2024

 

Sim Natthimmel

 

Inspiration always finds its way to me:

1. Alessandra - Queen of Kings (Gabry Ponte Remix) [Official Lyric Video]

2. VNV Nation - "Illusion" (Andy Huang)

3. Sia - Freeze you out

4. Alone Against A Whole Army | EPIC SONGS

5. Karliene - Become the Beast

6. Mayyas Official - HORRA

7. My Love Will Never Die - Claire Wyndham

8. OneRepublic, Assassin's Creed, Mishaal Tamer - Mirage

 

Reminder!

 

كلنا نغير الجو

كلنا نقوي الضو

‫قلت صاحبي تحت إلى الأرض

جوة بس راح ضوضو

كلنا نغير الجو (كلنا)

كلنا نقوي الضو (كلنا)

‫قلت صاحبي تحت إلى الأرض

جوة بس راح ضوضو

 

We all change the atmosphere

We all strengthen the light.

I told my buddy, down to earth

It's going to be loud.

We all change the atmosphere we all

We all change the light we all

I told my buddy, on down to earth

It's going to be loud.

 

Wir alle verändern die Atmosphäre

Wir alle stärken das Licht.

Ich sagte meinem Kumpel, auf dem Boden der Tatsachen

Es wird laut sein.

Wir alle ändern die Atmosphäre wir alle

Wir alle verändern das Licht wir alle

Ich sagte meinem Kumpel, auf dem Boden der Tatsachen

 

I was guided to several places during this time including the sim Natthimmel and through Mercury retrograde ancient themes were brought up which gave me the opportunity to look at them again and realize what I have already healed Listen and watch the song and visit the sim then you will understand when I tell you that I was guided by the universe.

 

Message:

So you want to face your demons and this time, unlike ever before, do you feel the level up?

You could feel the darkness slowly creeping up on you but this time it's different isn't it?

Because this time you did it blindly no light you surrendered to your own darkness and embraced it lovingly how did that feel?

Which demons did you encounter?

Name them: Doubt, abuse, lies & deceit

How did it feel to face them without any help?

My answer: It was an interesting feeling because I often had the opportunity to look at myself from the outside, I was allowed to face my doubts without fear because I trust and believe in my path. I laughed in the face of Abuse a good old friend of mine he knows today ohhh today I am so much stronger than I once was sometimes it is sad to see how others abuse themselves and tear themselves apart but I learned that they have to find their own way because if you don't want to listen you want to feel so FEEL YOURSELF!

I encountered lies and deception with a certain fascination, it was fascinating to see how many facets the two have and I can still recognize the true nature of them.

 

Do you now understand why we chose you?

You see things differently you are able to change your perspective so quickly that others are barely able to keep up with you you have developed yourself you have become calmer you are at peace with yourself you are centered.

How often have you had to tame your inner beast and put it on a leash?

My answer: I no longer have my beast on a leash because it obeys me and sleeps most of the time. There were one or two times when I thought to myself, fuck it, you all can be glad that I have my beast fully under control, it may have growled and only a few people manage that.

 

We heard the growl of your Dragon because it made the Earth shake and we are glad that you use your gifts so responsibly because we know what you are capable of and you know it now too.

Continue to face the things that are coming and never stop listening deep inside yourself, because you have seen that even the darkness now pays you respect.

 

Queen appreciation

 

You will realize that your Intuition will become even stronger trust it don't be distracted go your own Way we know that sometimes you make detours but you will always find your way back to the Path you were born for it!

Speak your truth, because it will be heard by those who need it.

Kind regards from your Spirit Team, Angels and Ancestors and of course the Universe itself.

 

What I would like to tell you all personally at this point is the following.

Facing your own inner Demons is anything but not easy it requires brutal honesty with yourself and I know a lot of people are not willing to do that because the real truth is often just too painful.

But this breakdown has to happen, it has to penetrate you to the bone, it has to shake you to the core, literally it often feels like you are dying inside.

This is the Phoenix Process, because if it only hurts you superficially, the deep ancient wound will continue to boil under the surface until it has completely eaten you away.

That's why it's better to face up to your issues - you always have the choice of when you want to face the issue that presents itself to you, because there's no one standing next to you with a gun saying do it or I'll shoot you. Should it feel like that, then realize that you are putting this pressure on yourself. The more it scratches your ego, the more it has to do with yourself and shows you where your Trigger point is.

 

I wish you all a wonderful Night may you all heal xoxo your Sophie Lovegood

  

Ich wurde in dieser Zeit an einige Orte geführt unteranderem auf die Sim Natthimmel und durch den Rückläufigen Merkur wurden Uralte Themen hoch geholt wodurch ich die Gelegenheit hatte sie mir noch einmal anzusehen und zu erkennen, was ich schon alles geheilt habe Hört und seht euch das Lied an und besucht die Sim dnan werdet ihr verstehen wenn ich euch sage das ich vom Universum geführt wurde.

 

Botschaft:

Du willst dich also deinen Dämonen stellen und dieses Mal ganz anders als jemals zu vor spürt du das Level up?

Du konntest die Finsternis spüren wie langsam an dir Hochkriecht nur dieses Mal ist es anders nicht wahr?

Denn dieses Mal hast du es blind getan kein Licht du hast dich deiner eigenen Dunkelheit hingegeben und sie liebevoll umarmt wie hat sich das angefühlt?

Welchen Dämonen bist du begegnet?

Nenne Ihre Namen: Zweifel, Missbrauch, Lug & Trug

Wie war es sich Ihnen zu stellen so ganz ohne Hilfe?

Meine Antwort: Es war ein interessantes Gefühl den ich hatte öfter die Gelegenheit mich von aussen zu betrachten ich durfte meinen Zweifeln ohne Angst begegnen, weil ich vertraue in meinem Weg vertraue. Ich habe dem Missbrauch ins Gesicht gelacht ein guter alter Freund, den er weiss heute ohhh heute bin ich so viel stärker als ich es früher war manchmal ist es traurig zu sehen wie sich andere selbst Missbrauchen und sich selbst zerfleischen doch ich habe gelernt das sie ihren weg selbst finden müssen denn wer nicht hören will der will Fühlen also FÜHLT EUCH SELBST!

Lug & Trug begegnete ich mit einer gewissen Faszination es war faszinierend zu sehen wie viele Facetten die Beiden doch haben und ich dennoch den Wahren kern erkennen kann.

 

Verstehst du nun, warum wir gerade dich ausgesucht haben?

Du siehst die dinge anders du bist in der Lage die Perspektive so rasch zu ändern das andere kaum mithalten können du hast dich entwickelt bist ruhiger geworden ruhst mehr in dir selbst du bist in deiner Mitte.

Wie oft musstest du in der Zeit dein Inneres Biest zähmen und es an die Leine nehmen?

Meine Antwort: Ich habe mein Biest nicht mehr an der Leine den es gehorcht mir und schläft die meiste Zeit. Es gab das eine oder andere Mal da dachte ich mir scheisse noch mal ihr könnt alle samt froh sein das ich mein Biest voll im Griff habe es mag geknurrt haben und auch das Schaffen nur wenige.

 

Wir haben das Knurren deines Drachen gehört, denn es hat die Erde zum Beben gebracht wir sind froh das du mit deinen Gaben so verantwortungsvoll umgehst den wir wissen wo zu du fähig bist und du weisst es nun auch.

Stell dich weiterhin den Dingen, die da kommen und geh immer weiter nicht stehen bleiben hör immer ganz tief in dich hinein, denn du hast gesehen das mittlerweile sogar die Finsternis dir Respekt zollt.

 

Queen appreciation

 

Du wirst merken das deine Intuition noch stärker werden wird vertraue ihr lass dich nicht beirren gehe deinen eigenen weg wir wissen das du manchmal Umwege machst, doch du findest immer wieder auf den Pfad zurück den du wurdest dafür geboren!

Sprich deine Wahrheit, denn sie wird von denen gehört die sie brauchen.

Mit freundlichen Grüssen dein Geistigesteam, Engel und Ahnen und natürlich das Universum höchst selbst.

 

Was ich euch allen Persönlich noch an dieser Stelle mitgeben möchte, ist folgendes.

Sich seinen eigenen Inneren Dämonen zu stellen ist alles andere als einfach es erfordert brutale Ehrlichkeit zu sich selbst und ich weiss ganz viele sind dazu nicht bereit, weil die Wahrhaftige Wahrheit einfach oftmals zu schmerzhaft ist.

Doch genau dieser Zusammenbruch muss geschehen es muss dich bis ins Mark durchdringen es muss dich bis in deine Grundmauern erschüttern wortwörtlich fühlt es sich innerlich oft so an als würde man innerlich elendig verrecken.

Das ist der Phönix Prozess, wenn es dich nämlich nur oberflächlich verletzt, wird die Tiefe Uhrwunde weiter unter der Oberfläche vor sich hin Eitern, bis sie dich völlig zerfressen hat.

Deshalb ist es besser, wenn man sich seinen Themen stellt du hast jederzeit die Wahl wann du dich dem Thema, das sich dir zeigt, stellen willst, denn es steht keiner mit einer Pistole neben dir und sagst tu es oder ich drücke ab. Sollte es sich allerdings so anfühlen dann mach dir bewusst das du dir diesen druck selbst machst. Je mehr es an deinem Ego kratz je mehr hat es mit dir selbst zu tun und zeigt dir damit, wo dein wunderpunkt liegt.

 

Ich wünsche euch allen eine Wunderbare Nacht möge bei euch allen Heilung geschen xoxo eure Sophie Lovegood

 

‬‬

#friend #dark #shadowwork #darkness #everybodybleedsthesame #slflickrs #3dword

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qx4bBuD2TX8

#spicollective #spi_collective #spi_bnw

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Day two of digging out is mostly just busting up ice everywhere. We got a fair amount of snow and then between 2-3” of ice formed (luckily on the ground but not the trees/powerlines). Our car is stuck for now, but we went out and walked on top of the snow for a few minutes today. The temps are terribly cold though, so when it warmed up to almost 20°F it felt like a good time to go out and look around. Lots of shadows and paw/claw prints everywhere. If the temps hold I may try for a shuffle around the block later.

Edited Project CARS screenshot

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Edited Project CARS screenshot

The bricks at Bicentennial Park in downtown Parkersburg, West Virginia.

 

As a little treat for myself I bought a secondhand Fuji FinePix S4800. I really enjoyed taking photos with the Kodak EasyShare C183 this month and it reinvigorated my excitement about photography once again.

 

I had felt it waning a little but trying to take photos in my style with something I wasn't as used to as my Nikon D5600 or D3200 (or heck even my Apple iPhone 12) was a fun challenge. It has helped remind me to be flexible, try different things, and stop relying on the usual methods.

 

The Fuji FinePix S4800 is a bump up from the Kodak's 14MP but still not quote the Nikon's 24MP. No view finder here, just the back screen. Also touting a 30x superwide zoom.

 

I wasn't sure it would show up in time to get any shots for the end of the July #ShittyCameraChallenge but it did. I am also struggling to call this a truly outdated or shitty camera at 14MP. I may try and put it on the tripod tomorrow morning before the sun comes up and see what I can get out of it in true low light conditions with the manual settings too. All in all well worth the $50 I spent on it and I am excited to carry it around with me for a while.

WIP Project CARS mod.

Original model by Shadowworks.

#spicollective #spi_collective #spi_bnw

#spi_shadows #fineart_photobw #fineart #graphic_art #shadowhunters #bnwphotography #bnwlife #magnumphotos #lensculture #shadow #conceptualphotography #shadowwork #vintageclothing #street

#allesgraufotografie

#blackandwhitephotography

#blackandwhite #bnw

#bnw_master

#schwarzweiß #geldern #monochromephotography

#monochrome #portraitphotography #streetphotography

Audi Sport Team WRT #28

WIP Project CARS mod

Original model by Shadowworks

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