View allAll Photos Tagged Overthinking
New and improved model now features a larger mouth for quicker uptake of tax dollars,
dual core digestive tracks allowing for unequalled production of campaign promises and
yet remains true to its original form.
Available for export, expect fall delivery.
I can’t overthink things.
Thoughts need to flow, organic.
I cannot design things as contrived.
I work best last-ditch, seat-of-the-pants, circumstancial.
No plan, never never a rough draft.
Simmering down of every thought, idea, dream, lyric, punctum, crashing together in momentous inspiration.
Hard to market.
But visible, once it’s in front of me.
When I open my eyes to see it.
Lucid.
Lucid, my pet.
Know you’re creating.
Awake.
Alive, and in the moment.
Not planned, contrived, no, but carefully constructed of something pure. Impatient, careless, but passionate. Can it all be?
Want to keep this mindset, the one that pushes me forward, spurs me on. Though theoretically. What of action? Oh please God, can the two work together? Let my mind set itself up to be motivated while it produces, to wax poetic while it works, to philosophize while it brings its questions and emotions to tangible fruition. Let it ignore the fabricated negativity of the ‘other’ that strangles its unborn ideas with their own umbilical cord. Let it ignore the real negativity that may come when those idea-children are carried to term and thrown coldly into the world to be consumed.
There is no you, there is only me.
There is no fucking you, there is only me.
In my art. Of course there is only me. Gather inspiration, gather techniques, gather conceptual seeds but never be buried by the creation of others. Plant your own tree in that soil.
Even now, belittling your creation with thoughts of reaction, of profit, of criticism. Fame, fortune, rejection, failure – cannot be sole motivating or hindering factors. By-products, nothing more. Know this, feel this, move far beyond it.
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU IN THIS FOR?
You’re diving in, headfirst. In the deepest end. You’ve already made that decision, you already know you’ll never settle for less. Now, why, really, ask yourself, why why why?
“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.
“I don’t much care where—” said Alice.
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat.
“—so long as I get somewhere,” Alice added as an explanation.
“Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, “if you only walk long enough.” —
Credits:
Rendered in Daz 4.12 w/Iray
Daz Genesis 8 Female
Emrys Nicolette
Miranda Hair for G3F & G8F by AprilYSH
Follow the White Rabbit LIE by Mysticartdesign
Dforce Furry Tail by AprilYSH
G8F Catsuit 3 & G8F Long Gloves by AdamThwaites - MostDigitalCreations
Lost Path by lilflame & Sveva - @ DAZ
What are you suffering with?
I have an anxiety disorder and depression
How long have you been suffering from this?
I have been anxious since I was about 7 but it wasn’t diagnosed until about 2 years ago, and at the same time, they psychoanalyzed me and it showed I had symptoms of depression.
Can you describe a panic attack for me?
With a panic attack, it kind of, no one really knows what trigger mine, but what it is is that if I’m worried about something instead of being able to dismiss it, my body doesn’t know how to deal with it, it will instead build into a panic attack. This will lead to me having heart palpitations and not being able to hear properly and blink, I mean I will be blinking a lot. I dunno, just general panic anxiety ensues destruction in the mind.
How did you find out you were suffering, what happened to make you visit a doctor?
Well when I was younger I kind of, I used to like, blink a lot, and kind of, they took me to doctors they didn’t really know what was going on. I used to blink quite a lot, and they thought I was doing it for attention. I used to stutter over words and even now, if I’m trying to get something out, I kind of stutter over it, if it hasn’t formed in my mind yet. But, uh, the moment I can pin point was I was walking to school with my sister and my then boyfriend, and I had been having these kind of heart palpitations, and I had felt so shaky and spaced out, and generally anxious. I didn’t really combine the physical symptoms with the mental ones. And I just sort of collapsed, and I was panicking, I didn’t know how to deal with it. My heart palpitations were making me breathe uneasily, which then meant I fainted. I got taken to the doctors um and they said that I had all the symptoms of an anxiety disorder.
Are there any people you’ve relied on constantly throughout this period of recovery?
I’ve relied a lot on you
I know
It’s mostly, I, I struggle to talk to people about the issues I’m going through, because I feel like I’m burdening them, I don’t do it for pity, like I don’t want to talk to people, sometimes it’s a physical thing, like I can’t actually get the words out. I have to feel completely comfortable with someone to completely offload. Mostly it’s close friends, rather than family members.
Okay, so when you’re feeling bad, is there a place you feel safest?
There are 2 places, used to be on Denne Hill, sounds really morbid but there’s this grave yard, St Mary’s church, and there’s a peace garden, I used to go there with Sammy (close friend), now I go alone, I dunno, it’s just so peaceful. And then there’s the library in Brighton (near her dad’s house), and that’s just chill.
Is there anything that triggers your anxiety, something specific?
It’s random things, I haven’t come across something that I do or see that I know will trigger it. I dunno, there are certain rooms, at Collyers (college), that I couldn’t go in to, because I had had feelings of anxiety there, like mild feelings, they just like, increased into this exponential crisis that I was having every day about not being able to go in to college. And then basically by the end of it I couldn’t physically go to a classroom without someone pushing me in.
How do you handle that?
Well, I, sounds really up myself, but you have to be really strong willed and so I’ve just had to just build up that strength. This is why I had to drop out of Collyers and move to Haywards Heath (college), I was just doing 2 a levels, and it was affecting me so much, this is what I anted to do in the future so I didn’t want it to hold me back, I needed that change. I dunno, I experienced the same thing a bit with Haywards Heath, I couldn’t even get through the gates, but, instead of leaving it too late, like (at Collyers) I left it so long before I talked to someone, and by then it was exam time. But with this, my mum found out within a week and I’ve been talking to my family, and my mums closest friend, Tash, and for all the last week, she was messaging m and my GPS was on so she could see where I was, and she’d encourage me “you’re right outside the gate, you can do it”. Then over time her voice was replaced by my own. So yeah, just being open with people at the beginning, instead of keeping it away.
How do you describe yourself?
Um I would say, I’m quite happy, like when people find out I’ve got anxiety or depression, they are shocked not because I’m a massively cheerful person, but because I am not self pitying or like just depressed, I won’t go to parties and get drunk and cry, or look all forlorn in public with people. I don’t like to dwell on things, I guess I am quite upbeat, um, yeah.
What do you do to calm yourself? Keep you calm/happy?
If I’m at home, I’ll just finger pick the guitar, nothing special. When you have something, it doesn’t have to be that, that takes all your concentration, it makes you mind go blank, like reading a book, or watching a film. Because when I overthink, I panic. Some people like being alone to deal with it, but I need someone there to coach me through, looking me in the eyes, telling me, bringing me out of that anxiety. So yeah.
Some days, you have to stop caring so much & take a step back. Some days, you really need to take that step back before you can take two steps forward.
She sighs and tucks her hair behind her ear while she stares and tries to concentrate. There's a book in her lap, but she can't focus on anything that's written on it-she's over thinking about what's going on in her life. It's only when rain drops fall on her that she realizes it's gotten darker and there's clouds overhead.
She's sitting next to the fountains; it had been a warm, sunny day so far-peaceful around her, but war rages in her head. She can't stop analyzing everything that's been going on; her mind is in overdrive.
She looks up and sighs again. It's almost time for her mid-term exam; she tries shoving all the other thoughts away, but she's worrying too much. She takes a long, deep breath, and focuses again. One fight at a time.
I think it's going to work! The blocks are so easy. From Block Party - Oh, Fransson's month. I've cut so many strips I could make several quilts I bet. I LOVE laying fabric out and thinking about it... Just wish I wouldn't overthink it!
Darle mil vueltas a un asunto. Preocuparte por cosas insignificantes...
Tendemos a preocuparnos demasiado, y eso no es bueno.
Deberíamos aprender a no tomarnos todo tan en serio.
Deberíamos dejar que los problemas pasasen sin que nos afectasen excesivamente.
No deberíamos preocuparnos por cualquier cosa.
No deberíamos hacer una montaña de un grano de arena.
Es muy fácil decirlo, pero no es fácil hacerlo.
Así es como me siento yo ahora mismo, quiero dejar de darle mil vueltas al mismo asunto, pero no puedo. Es difícil. Pararé cuando mi cabeza haya explotado.
Las fuentes que han servido como inspiración para esta foto han sido estas: 1, 2, 3.
________________________
Worrying about insignificant things. We usually worry too much, and that's not good.
We should learn not to take everything so seriously.
We shouldn't worry about everything.
It's easy to say but not easy to do.
That's how I feel right now, I want to stop worry about the same problem, but I can't. It's difficult.
The sources that have served as inspiration for this picture have been these: 1, 2, 3.
scavchal16
scavchal20-- i think i may be overthinking this, crow. while this might fit the bill finding a counterpart may be tricky....... (later).... duh, i can use this for motorcycle!!!
and, yes, rob, there is a bit of signature blue-- the reflection of my dear little car which was parked next to this beauty :)
Gen-Z - thinks - overthinks - develops - imagines - everyday life is hard to manage - disappears into the world of old books - it is hard to be 'the last generation' - the responsibility is exhausting - Part 2
Stranger #30 / 100 from my 100 strangers project. Find out more about the project and see pictures taken by other photographers at the 100 Strangers Flickr Group page or my personal blog.
Andrée
I met Andrée at the entrance of the Mont-Royal metro station while heading to see friends and since she appeared to be waiting for someone I decided to approach her. Building the courage to open a new stranger after nearly a year off this project was HARD. I feel like I tend to overcomplicate things a lot more than it should and overthinking an approach is just the worst thing. So for her, I kept things simple:
I asked her if she was waiting for a friend and she replied that it was her husband, and that he was late ;) So I ask her if she had plans tonite and she told me that she was going groceries shopping with him because they were receiving her grand children this weekend and needed some food for the event. I ask her if she was local of this place and she told me that she used to live in the Plateau for 20 years, but now moved to Hochelaga since prices where better.
New York overthinks its Route 9s...there's a US 9, and a NY 9A (as well as other suffixes). This time, New York Route 9A has the error. Located in Bronx, New York City.
Day seven of The 100 Day Project for 2021.
I'm not sure anyone would identify this as a shell if not for the source image. It feels more like a chrysalis or maybe a dismembered body in a duffel bag.
I'm curious what you'd think it was if you didn't have the shell image to refer to? Weird, wonderful and worrisome answers welcome.
Today I was working on the details without being too detailed, so it feels a little half-arsed, to be honest. It's definitely more of an "impression" than photorealism.
The curves and proportions are not perfect. But I definitely feel it flows more for me when the object is organic in shape, and I try not to overthink things.
Essay: “Coulter Right on Rape, Wrong on Treason” at wp.me/p4jHFp-3U.
With a stunning display of logic, Ann Coulter recently observed, “If we’re in the middle of a college-rape epidemic, why do all the cases liberals promote keep turning out to be hoaxes? Maybe I’m overthinking this, but wouldn’t a real rape be more persuasive?”
A Townhall promotion praised Coulter, exulting, “Ann Coulter slams the left for minimizing actual rape.” Funny, I don’t recall anyone on Townhall slamming Coulter for minimizing actual treason.
When will the conservative movement and conservative media take Coulter to task for minimizing actual treason? Do conservatives no longer care what words mean? Have they, in Buckley’s parlance, “simply lost their grip on language?”
Ha guess what?! As I got dressed this morning, I saw myself in the mirror and felt like taking a photo. I actually hesitated to get my camera, capture the moment and share it with you guys.
I definitely laughed when I read the prompt :-D
I wore a new skirt I bought on a spur that is quite comfy but enhances my curves.
As the day went on I felt less confident and tried to hide.
In Victoria Welsby's program I learned that most of the times when we have a negative thought about our body, it actually means that we are feeling negative about another subject. Trying to analyse the thoughts when they come up are a good way to understand what triggered them.
I did that and it turns out I was feeling a bit down about work and my manager. This small stress caused me to translate it into a bad body thought.
Lately I had those when overthinking about the move and my new life, especially when I was sick and home alone.
So if you are having those kinds of thoughts, try to understand why they come up.
In the end, our thoughts become our words and our beliefs.
That's why I'm happy to be here this year. Seeing myself through the lens and all of your eyes will help change my beliefs.
I still took photos in my clothes because my inner voice wanted to this morning. The head is cut because I wasn't entirely in the frame of the camera. I took others but always came back to this one, maybe because the pose feels powerful.
ps: I pulled an Alanna here with my long post!!
I confess I'm not in the picture taking mood today, in every photo I took I had this "furrow" to my brow. I suppose too much thinking, computer working, planning and Focusing (ha) I'll work on ironing it out :) In the meantime getting ready to be on the move tomorrow morning to head a little further north. Better start getting the sweaters out. :)
because I said so. Or maybe the baby did. Either way, I couldn't resist.
Sidenote: this photo also makes it kind of obvious how much I'm missing by not using my real camera as much as I used to. I'd have taken this photo anyway, but seeing it big on my monitor, how much nicer it is when taken with an actual camera vs the phone... yeah.
#project365 day187
Pimples, a lot of the times, are a result of STRESS. And here is living proof of it! Lol
Plans are getting done at work, now I gotta work on not overthinking it all, just doing it and relaxing!
After work, I had the nicest conversation with my cousin, who just finished her first marathon. What an inspiration! The I agree to do a half marathon with her next year, so IT'S ALMOST OFFICIAL.
When I got home I focused on planning all my outfits for my Spain trip coming up and then... I passed out!
{i like to sing this instead of Go West's (yeah, that's their name...so dumb. whatever happened to them? one hit 'one'der? well...with a name like that.) "King of Wishful Thinking"}
I've been somewhat uninspired this week. So I decided tonight that I wasn't going to overthink today's photo, I just wanted clean and simple.
because i'm procrastinating proofing a birth session...which i'm, of course, overthinking the processing on...
anway...couldn't resist a bit of lilyblue on this one!
okay - i'm resisting the urge to add some grainy texture...what do you think?
What are you suffering with?
I have an anxiety disorder and depression
How long have you been suffering from this?
I have been anxious since I was about 7 but it wasn’t diagnosed until about 2 years ago, and at the same time, they psychoanalyzed me and it showed I had symptoms of depression.
Can you describe a panic attack for me?
With a panic attack, it kind of, no one really knows what trigger mine, but what it is is that if I’m worried about something instead of being able to dismiss it, my body doesn’t know how to deal with it, it will instead build into a panic attack. This will lead to me having heart palpitations and not being able to hear properly and blink, I mean I will be blinking a lot. I dunno, just general panic anxiety ensues destruction in the mind.
How did you find out you were suffering, what happened to make you visit a doctor?
Well when I was younger I kind of, I used to like, blink a lot, and kind of, they took me to doctors they didn’t really know what was going on. I used to blink quite a lot, and they thought I was doing it for attention. I used to stutter over words and even now, if I’m trying to get something out, I kind of stutter over it, if it hasn’t formed in my mind yet. But, uh, the moment I can pin point was I was walking to school with my sister and my then boyfriend, and I had been having these kind of heart palpitations, and I had felt so shaky and spaced out, and generally anxious. I didn’t really combine the physical symptoms with the mental ones. And I just sort of collapsed, and I was panicking, I didn’t know how to deal with it. My heart palpitations were making me breathe uneasily, which then meant I fainted. I got taken to the doctors um and they said that I had all the symptoms of an anxiety disorder.
Are there any people you’ve relied on constantly throughout this period of recovery?
I’ve relied a lot on you
I know
It’s mostly, I, I struggle to talk to people about the issues I’m going through, because I feel like I’m burdening them, I don’t do it for pity, like I don’t want to talk to people, sometimes it’s a physical thing, like I can’t actually get the words out. I have to feel completely comfortable with someone to completely offload. Mostly it’s close friends, rather than family members.
Okay, so when you’re feeling bad, is there a place you feel safest?
There are 2 places, used to be on Denne Hill, sounds really morbid but there’s this grave yard, St Mary’s church, and there’s a peace garden, I used to go there with Sammy (close friend), now I go alone, I dunno, it’s just so peaceful. And then there’s the library in Brighton (near her dad’s house), and that’s just chill.
Is there anything that triggers your anxiety, something specific?
It’s random things, I haven’t come across something that I do or see that I know will trigger it. I dunno, there are certain rooms, at Collyers (college), that I couldn’t go in to, because I had had feelings of anxiety there, like mild feelings, they just like, increased into this exponential crisis that I was having every day about not being able to go in to college. And then basically by the end of it I couldn’t physically go to a classroom without someone pushing me in.
How do you handle that?
Well, I, sounds really up myself, but you have to be really strong willed and so I’ve just had to just build up that strength. This is why I had to drop out of Collyers and move to Haywards Heath (college), I was just doing 2 a levels, and it was affecting me so much, this is what I anted to do in the future so I didn’t want it to hold me back, I needed that change. I dunno, I experienced the same thing a bit with Haywards Heath, I couldn’t even get through the gates, but, instead of leaving it too late, like (at Collyers) I left it so long before I talked to someone, and by then it was exam time. But with this, my mum found out within a week and I’ve been talking to my family, and my mums closest friend, Tash, and for all the last week, she was messaging m and my GPS was on so she could see where I was, and she’d encourage me “you’re right outside the gate, you can do it”. Then over time her voice was replaced by my own. So yeah, just being open with people at the beginning, instead of keeping it away.
How do you describe yourself?
Um I would say, I’m quite happy, like when people find out I’ve got anxiety or depression, they are shocked not because I’m a massively cheerful person, but because I am not self pitying or like just depressed, I won’t go to parties and get drunk and cry, or look all forlorn in public with people. I don’t like to dwell on things, I guess I am quite upbeat, um, yeah.
What do you do to calm yourself? Keep you calm/happy?
If I’m at home, I’ll just finger pick the guitar, nothing special. When you have something, it doesn’t have to be that, that takes all your concentration, it makes you mind go blank, like reading a book, or watching a film. Because when I overthink, I panic. Some people like being alone to deal with it, but I need someone there to coach me through, looking me in the eyes, telling me, bringing me out of that anxiety. So yeah.
this is an early attempt of mine to visualize the users of the website metafilter.com as they have registered, participated, and made contacts with each other on metafilter from early 2001 to early 2009.
文/林葆靈
「我歌月徘徊， 我舞影零亂。」
──李白《月下獨酌》
展名《舞影零亂》擷取自李白的《月下獨酌》。 李白藉由想像力來排遣孤獨, 將光影轉化為創作, 用唯美的文字說悲傷的心情，在孤獨中自得其樂, 讓我有所共鳴。我也是一直在自己跟自己玩, 與自己的內心與作品對話; 與夜晚的光影作伴遊戲; 在黑夜中不斷截取著影像, 化為一件件作品。我似乎將自己潛意識的情感與思想投射在夜晚光影，賦予它們意義，就像是與自己的投影共舞。如同村上春樹小說《舞‧舞‧舞》的男主角努力尋找一個叫奇奇的女子, 最終奇奇告訴他:「...我只不過是你自己的投影而已。透過我你自己在呼喚你，在引導你喲。你是以自己的影法師為舞伴在跳著舞噢。我只不過是你的影子而已。」
同時, 這次的部分展出作品也加入了舞蹈、投影與鏡像等元素, 也首度嘗試製作錄像作品, 一切從零開始摸索學習。幾個月來不停地拍，直覺地拍, 拍那些吸引我的虛幻光影, 那些鏡花水月, 像是收集與保存時間片斷。如同我的繪畫, 城市夜晚對比強烈的光影也是我錄像作品的視覺要素; 高反差, 模糊, 流動感等特點也出現在我的錄像。 數位影像與我的畫作相互影響, 我的畫有影像感的介入但也有意識地保留與強調繪畫性(painterliness); 另一方面, 我把錄像理解為連續的畫, 用繪畫與漫畫分鏡的角度思考與製作錄像, 仍試著藉由光與影探討許多事物相生相剋, 一體兩面的關係; 追求對立的融合; 呈現一切流轉無常, 轉瞬即逝的狀態。
我在拍攝上做了些小嘗試, 像是藉由影片翻拍重製後再次剪輯進錄像，思考影像的影像/光的光是什麼？是負負得正而更接近真實或是更加虛幻？也嘗試了繪畫和投影的疊合; 透過玻璃瓶, 自製的萬花筒來拍攝。層層的玻璃彷彿人與人間的隔閡, 透過玻璃瓶所見的舞者與景物更加模糊變形; 一片片的鏡子映出支離破碎的舞影, 像是事物的多面也像是信念的裂解。 錄像在天橋、騎樓、 馬路、等過渡空間( transitional space)拍攝, 一般情況下人們不會在這些地方長時間逗留或跳舞, 只是為了前往目的地而快速經過 ; 加上非線性(nonlinear )的剪輯, 快速切換的時空場景、播放速度的快慢與彩色和黑白畫面, 暗喻稍縱即逝, 瞬息萬變的世事。
人們往往對於「 亂」 反感, 甚至是厭惡恐懼。 「 亂」 是失控與失序 , 是不確定性; 但往往也蘊含著生命力。人往往傾向追求秩序, 渴望控制一切; 然而事物的本質就是無常, 人生太多令人措手不及又沒有解答的事。 我們只能試著不要期待一切會成為我們期待的樣子; 但「不要想大象」 反而就一定會想; 強烈地想著不要執著就越會執著; 那就不要太過壓抑吧; 讓顏色與光影對比更強烈, 顏料流淌更恣意, 讓畫面零亂吧。如同鮑伯‧米格拉尼所說:「渴求控制是無用的，混亂是現實的真相，學會順其自然，放輕鬆 ── 與混亂一起起舞。」 流動的顏料也像慢快門下的光軌, 破壞了畫面的完整與景物的細節。 這次展出也有畫作嘗試了刮的技法, 藉由被刮平拉長的顏料留下的痕跡對應慢快門下的光軌以及人與物移動的軌跡, 畫面呈現出狂亂的速度感。
相機的慢快門與大光圈使得視窗裡舞者的動作變換產生了模糊零亂的殘影; 也讓璀璨燈火與車流的光被拉長暈化並隨著相機的晃動而亂舞。 模糊與高反差的明暗使得景物細節減少, 畫面變得有些抽象 ; 有些類似印象派繪畫, 顏色與光影成為畫面的主角。而模糊變形的臉, 玻璃櫥窗反射出的舞動剪影, 難以清楚辨識; 如同我們誰又真的看清了誰, 了解了誰? 而大量的能源消耗營造出的夜景在鏡頭下更加燦爛繽紛; 但也有些虛幻而令人迷惘, 宛如漂亮的謊言, 虛假的笑容。
剪片常也是「減」片, 很像是一種「放下」的練習。剪輯過程也像拼拼圖, 拼一盒沒有附上完成圖的拼圖。我在剪輯軟體裡把那些時間片斷, 剪得更碎, 然後, 努力拼組著不知什麼, 試著把那些時間碎片放到時間軸上合適的位置; 用詩意的畫面說複雜的心情。許多零碎片斷組成的錄像似也對應了思維的跳躍與回憶的閃動與無邏輯。 阿德勒(Alfred Adler)認為: 「 意識與無意識之間看似矛盾，但卻是朝向同一個目的，相輔相成的運作，好比催油門與踩剎車。... 必須相互配合，才能到達目的地。」 我一邊直覺地創作一邊理性地思考; 與我的影子一起跳著零亂的舞步; 試著呈現光與影, 聚散離合, 生與滅的流轉循環──無常的美麗。
1.作者:村上春樹 譯者: 賴明珠 (2001),《舞，舞，舞》(下),台北: 時報出版 , 頁237
2..Bob Miglani (2013). Embrace the Chaos How India Taught Me to Stop Overthinking and Start Living. Oakland, CA: Berrett-Koehler Publishers, pg 1
3. 作者:小倉廣 譯者: 楊明綺 (2015), 《 接受不完美的勇氣：阿德勒100句人生革命》 , 台北: 遠流出版, 頁87
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【舞影零亂】 林葆靈個展
2016 / 11 / 05(Sat.) - 2016 / 12 / 04 (Sun.)
地點: 索卡藝術 (台北市中山區堤頂大道二段350號 10462 )
T/+886-2-2533-9658
開放時間: 10:00-19:00 （週一公休)
FB 活動頁面: www.facebook.com/events/201784466926889/
A Dance of Scattered Shadows - A Solo Exhibition by LIN Bao Ling
Duration: 2016/11/05(Sat.)- 2016/12/04 (Sun.)
Venue: Soka Art Center (No.350, Sec. 2, Tiding Blvd., Zhongshan Dist., Taipei City 104, Taiwan)
T/+886-2-2533-9658
Opening hours: 10:00-19:00 （ close on Monday）
Prompts: Sittin' in the garden, I'm a couple glasses in. I was tryna count up all the places we've been. You're always there, so don't overthink. I'm so over whites and pinks.
Made with #midjourney
Thank you for your visit, faves, and kind comments. 😊
as the news (and the day) finished up last night... I saw a glimpse of something, er someone, who sent shivers down my spine!
I rewatched that clip over & over again today, got in touch with folks from back-in-the-day of that madness, and basically have been in hyper-brain-spinning, ack! mode all day.
Until I can see the totality of the investigation/news reel tonight at 11 I won't even know if I CAN rest easy... *growl*
How is it that one man can create so much turmoil!?
I always want to overthink this part of the process but I've learned to just draw my lines and cut on auto pilot.
Did I say something wrong? Did you hear what I was thinking?
Did I talk way too long when I told you all my feelings that night?
Is it you? Is it me? Did you find somebody better?
Someone who isn't me, 'cause I know that I was never your type
Never really your type
Overthinking's got me drinking
Messing with my head, whoa
Tell me what you hate about me
Whatever it is, I'm sorry
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I know I can be dramatic
But everybody said we had it
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I'm coming to terms with a broken heart
I guess that sometimes good things fall apart
When you said it was real, guess I really did believe you
Did you fake how you feel when we parked down by the river that night?
That night?
That night when we fogged up the windows in your best friend's car
'Cause we couldn't leave the windows down in December
Whoa
Tell me what you hate about me
Whatever it is, I'm sorry
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I know I can be dramatic
But everybody said we had it
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I'm coming to terms with a broken heart
I guess that sometimes good things fall apart
So my mind was seriously blown by this, but as I'm trying to regain my mental faculties, I start wondering about the book. See, there's no note in the box. The name on the box is first initial and last name. I wonder...maybe it's a favorite book? Maybe it was on my Goodreads "to read" list? But it wasn't. Then I thought, maybe it's not another gift, maybe it's a message. In the Internet Ancient Times, back in the days of Gonads and Strife and Drudge dancing and taking off every Zig I was a Morlock. themorlocks.com is super defunct now, though you can still see the front page in the Internet Wayback Machine. I flipped through the book and there wasn't a note or anything. So now I'm wracking my brains based on the last name and address to figure out if I know my Santa, or knew him (I admit I'm assuming a "him" based solely on the writing of the address on the box) back in the day. But the thing is, I didn't know EVERYONE's last names. Santa, does Bomberman mean anything to you? Mega Man? Did I ever send you a parcel of meat? :D I'm trying to think of people I knew who lived in that area, against a list of people whom it could not be (since I know their names) and some who may have but I'm not 100% sure. But since it's been you know, a decade, maybe they moved there from some other area of the country, in which case I'm never going to figure it out, but I feel SO BAD not being able to figure this out considering the COMPLETELY BADASS GIFT you sent me.
I have also considered the possibility that The Time Machine is just a book, it doesn't mean anything, or maybe it means something else, like maybe the person's forum avatar has something to do with it and my Santa has never heard of Lum the Mad or ever went through a period of time with a kitchen appliance with evil eyebrows for an avatar (I had an EvilStandMixer for a while) and it's just a coincidence or it's just nothing and I'm just seriously overthinking this in which case I'll be quite embarrassed.
Well, either way, thank you SO much, mysterious Santa! This is completely awesome. <3 And I'll keep thinking on it, unless you want to reveal yourself. But I think my husband is going to get annoyed with me if I spend any more time fine tuning this post and trying to reverse stalk you (nice looking house, btw). In fact he just came in and said to me "are you ever going to be done with what you're doing?" Soooo I better go.
What are you suffering with?
I have an anxiety disorder and depression
How long have you been suffering from this?
I have been anxious since I was about 7 but it wasn’t diagnosed until about 2 years ago, and at the same time, they psychoanalyzed me and it showed I had symptoms of depression.
Can you describe a panic attack for me?
With a panic attack, it kind of, no one really knows what trigger mine, but what it is is that if I’m worried about something instead of being able to dismiss it, my body doesn’t know how to deal with it, it will instead build into a panic attack. This will lead to me having heart palpitations and not being able to hear properly and blink, I mean I will be blinking a lot. I dunno, just general panic anxiety ensues destruction in the mind.
How did you find out you were suffering, what happened to make you visit a doctor?
Well when I was younger I kind of, I used to like, blink a lot, and kind of, they took me to doctors they didn’t really know what was going on. I used to blink quite a lot, and they thought I was doing it for attention. I used to stutter over words and even now, if I’m trying to get something out, I kind of stutter over it, if it hasn’t formed in my mind yet. But, uh, the moment I can pin point was I was walking to school with my sister and my then boyfriend, and I had been having these kind of heart palpitations, and I had felt so shaky and spaced out, and generally anxious. I didn’t really combine the physical symptoms with the mental ones. And I just sort of collapsed, and I was panicking, I didn’t know how to deal with it. My heart palpitations were making me breathe uneasily, which then meant I fainted. I got taken to the doctors um and they said that I had all the symptoms of an anxiety disorder.
Are there any people you’ve relied on constantly throughout this period of recovery?
I’ve relied a lot on you
I know
It’s mostly, I, I struggle to talk to people about the issues I’m going through, because I feel like I’m burdening them, I don’t do it for pity, like I don’t want to talk to people, sometimes it’s a physical thing, like I can’t actually get the words out. I have to feel completely comfortable with someone to completely offload. Mostly it’s close friends, rather than family members.
Okay, so when you’re feeling bad, is there a place you feel safest?
There are 2 places, used to be on Denne Hill, sounds really morbid but there’s this grave yard, St Mary’s church, and there’s a peace garden, I used to go there with Sammy (close friend), now I go alone, I dunno, it’s just so peaceful. And then there’s the library in Brighton (near her dad’s house), and that’s just chill.
Is there anything that triggers your anxiety, something specific?
It’s random things, I haven’t come across something that I do or see that I know will trigger it. I dunno, there are certain rooms, at Collyers (college), that I couldn’t go in to, because I had had feelings of anxiety there, like mild feelings, they just like, increased into this exponential crisis that I was having every day about not being able to go in to college. And then basically by the end of it I couldn’t physically go to a classroom without someone pushing me in.
How do you handle that?
Well, I, sounds really up myself, but you have to be really strong willed and so I’ve just had to just build up that strength. This is why I had to drop out of Collyers and move to Haywards Heath (college), I was just doing 2 a levels, and it was affecting me so much, this is what I anted to do in the future so I didn’t want it to hold me back, I needed that change. I dunno, I experienced the same thing a bit with Haywards Heath, I couldn’t even get through the gates, but, instead of leaving it too late, like (at Collyers) I left it so long before I talked to someone, and by then it was exam time. But with this, my mum found out within a week and I’ve been talking to my family, and my mums closest friend, Tash, and for all the last week, she was messaging m and my GPS was on so she could see where I was, and she’d encourage me “you’re right outside the gate, you can do it”. Then over time her voice was replaced by my own. So yeah, just being open with people at the beginning, instead of keeping it away.
How do you describe yourself?
Um I would say, I’m quite happy, like when people find out I’ve got anxiety or depression, they are shocked not because I’m a massively cheerful person, but because I am not self pitying or like just depressed, I won’t go to parties and get drunk and cry, or look all forlorn in public with people. I don’t like to dwell on things, I guess I am quite upbeat, um, yeah.
What do you do to calm yourself? Keep you calm/happy?
If I’m at home, I’ll just finger pick the guitar, nothing special. When you have something, it doesn’t have to be that, that takes all your concentration, it makes you mind go blank, like reading a book, or watching a film. Because when I overthink, I panic. Some people like being alone to deal with it, but I need someone there to coach me through, looking me in the eyes, telling me, bringing me out of that anxiety. So yeah.
my cousins and I went horseback riding during the summer.
this cat was jealous of the attention the blind pig was getting.
This gull (far left) at Heckscher SP (parking field 7), while mostly like nearby American Herring Gulls, had some plumage and structural characteristics that seemed a bit "off" for American HEGU. In particular the mantle seemed a shade or two darker than typical for HEGU, though not dark enough for graelsii Lesser Black-backed Gull (LBBG). I don't know if the adult-type gray feathers growing in were inherently darker or just seemed so because they were overlaying retained brownish feathers from an earlier molt cycle. The bill seemed a bit thin for HEGU too, though I know a certain amount of variation is possible in this regard, especially between the sexes. The bird's primary extension seemed closer to LBBG, giving it a more attenuated shape, especially noticeable in image P1120951. Lastly, the amount of wear and mixture of ages on the wing feathers, contrasting with a nearly adult-aspect tail (mostly white), is the bird's most perplexing feature. So what is it? An outlier American HEGU; a Eurasian HEGU subspecies (e.g. argentatus); a HEGU x LBBG hybrid; or an outlier LBBG? Or am I just overthinking things, falling victim to the complexity of gull physiognomy?
This monkey in Dierenpark Amersfoort looked like he was overthinking something important. Like the meaning of life, his place in society, and what's for dinner tonight.
Shot for the dailyshoot.com assignment #ds574 "Make a beautiful picture today. Don't overthink it". This is during an 'exploratory lesson' at Square Pegs Foundation, a riding school and therapy ranch in Half Moon Bay. Watching Kem get into an English saddle for the first time was a beautiful thing to this mama, and the hillside trail was really rather idyllic. I didn't over-think it, though. Pretty much a point-and-shoot with the camera on manual, and hope for the best in the sahdows.
I have four sunday mornings in a row. starting tomorrow. I'll be hiding on the west coast, tasting every moment and savoring the essence of what each one brings.
and the only plan I have is this: to wander and find some good coffee. to send postcards to myself. and talk to strangers. to tip too much and get lost a thousand times before asking directions. to get rained on and eat junk.
and the best thing about my plan is that there isn't a plan B and I can't overthink it.
Andiamo...