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A New QRP Radio Is Born
Tuesday Afternoon
All Focus On Troubleshooting
Been spending some serious time today troubleshooting for very poor receive sensitivity, signal strength is quite low.
Several suspects were uncovered including a faulty earphone jack. There have been a few "eureka" moments but alas "no joy"!
I hope to dig deeper tomorrow as I have so far been looking for the simplest of things first & trying not to overthink it although I'm regrettably on the verge of moving past that stage now.
The world's greatest hobbies, multifaceted ham radio & digital photography.
Slow & steady wins the race!
A long awaited kit is one step away from being on-the-air, the QCX!
72/73
Daryll
It was the 2nd time I visited this location. The first time I tried to visit it some weeks ago. After a long walk through the forest I entered the domain and immediately I saw a man walking there. He looked like a gardener or caretaker. He did not notice me but came walking my way. I freezed, and in seconds was overthinking my next move: Wait and hide or run back through the dense forest. In milliseconds I chose the seconds option and run through the forest. The man must have been thinking there was a pack of deer wandering the surrounding forest.
This second time I planned a day of exploring with a team mate who more or less found this castle himself. He already visited it three times, but I had to go there another time to get my pictures. So, my friend visited Château Henri for the 4th time
When we walked around the castle I noticed people inside. A lady with a big smile waved at us and we could enter the castle. We shook hands and found out that I know the guy who was there with his girlfriend. They come from Germany and we have had contact through Flickr and FB. It was very nice meeting each other and again this shows what a small world UE is.
We did our thing, and after some time we were done and left the castle. As we had lovely weather we all walked towards one of the pools to take some outside shots before we leave. Suddenly we heard the sound of a motorscooter and within no time there were two guys on a motorscooter in front of the castle. Damn, were fooked!! We slowly walked our way to the entrance, but 20 meters before we were there the motorscooter showed up and we were stopped. After some smarttalk the guys were more at ease. It was the gardener and one of his friends. The gardener looked after the castle for 22 years already. It was a very friendly guy, but still he called the police.
After waiting for 30 minutes I started to friendly annoy this gardener by asking him every 5 minutes where the police are. And everytime he excused himself and every time he called the police again where they were. I need to continue this, as the police will be fed up with the man at one time In the meantime we changed memorycards and decided what our story would be.
After 45 minutes the police arrived. My plan was to lie flat on our bellies and start photographing small flowers as soon as we saw the police. Unfortunately we didn’t After some ID checks our bags were opened (but not searched) and the gardener excused himself as he needed to do some groceries. Pretty awkward, but ok. And again, we were excused by the man that it took so long before the police came, and I started to feel sorry for the guy. But the best part is yet to come….
The police asked us where our cars are parked. Our German friends were parked two streets to the right, and we were parked two streets to the left. The officer decided to join the Germans and walked to their car for a small car search. We were asked to walk to our car and wait there until they come to us. I cannot believe this happened. If I had some contraband in the car I had plenty of time to hide it before our car was searched. I could have buried all AK-47′s which were hidden in my trunk before the police popped up. Unbelievable country this is…. We drank a cup of coffee together and headed towards the next location…
This castle was built in the 1930′s by the owner of a nearby textile company. It was in his posession till the 1990′s when the castle and it’s domain was sold to a wealthy couple. They completely redecorated the place for which they spent a little fortune. The long driveway was asphalted and the place was furnished with the most expensive furniture which fitted the design of the castle. After some time the couple got arrested for some reason and the castle was sold to a bank who wants to gain some of their money back which they lost to the couple. Unfortunately it is for sale already for some years, and with it’s price being around the € 3 million I guess it will be for sale for some time. Luckily the place is well maintained by the gardener, and really hope he will still have it’s job once the castle is sold…
Please visit www.preciousdecay.com for more pictures
a quick silly series i did over the past two days inspired by old-time circus posters // a book i just finished about a family that runs a carnival // the cirque du soleil show i saw tonight (it was insane and beautiful)
i don't do text on images and this is sort of different but i'm glad it came together in such a short amount of time, since usually i overthink things like this and i want them to be perfect but they never are and they never happen
The Postcard
A postcard that was published by Lehnert & Landrock Succ. of Cairo. The card was distributed by The Simon Arzt Store of Port Said.
The card was posted in Port Said on Friday the 31st. December 1937 to:
Master Anthony Hunt,
Riseholme,
Lincoln,
England.
The message on the divided back of the card was as follows:
"Port Said.
Dec. 31/37.
Leaving here today for
Genoa.
Love to all,
Aunt Helen".
Lehnert & Landrock
Lehnert & Landrock was a photographic studio run by Rudolf Franz Lehnert and Ernst Heinrich Landrock.
They were active in Tunisia and Egypt in the early 20th. century, and were noted for producing Orientalist images.
Rudolf Franz Lehnert and Ernst Heinrich Landrock produced images of North African people, landscapes, and architecture for a primarily European audience.
These images were mainly distributed in monographs, although they also produced original prints, photogravures, and lithographic postcards.
Octavian Goga
So what else happened on the day that Aunt Helen posted the card to Anthony?
Well, on the 31st. December 1937, Octavian Goga addressed the Romanian people in a radio broadcast in which he outlined a series of anti-Semitic measures he intended to introduce against the country's Jews, whom he accused of having "exploited" Romania after entering "illegally" after the Great War.
Sir Anthony Hopkins
The day also marked the birth in Port Talbot, Wales, of the actor Sir Anthony Hopkins.
Thoughts From Sir Anthony Hopkins
"We are dying from overthinking. We are
slowly killing ourselves by thinking about
everything. Think. Think. Think. You can
never trust the human mind anyway.
It's a death trap."
"My philosophy is: It’s none of my business
what people say of me and think of me.
I am what I am, and I do what I do. I expect
nothing and accept everything. And it makes
life so much easier."
"We all dream. We dream vividly, depending
on our nature. Our existence is beyond our
explanation, whether we believe in God or
we have religion or we're atheist."
"I have a punishing workout regimen. Every
day I do 3 minutes on a treadmill, then I lie
down, drink a glass of vodka and smoke a
cigarette."
"Relish everything that's inside of you, the
imperfections, the darkness, the richness
and light and everything. And that makes
for a full life."
"I don't believe in nepotism. I don't much
like the idea of parents who interfere."
"I love life because what more is there?"
"I was called 'Dumbo,' like the elephant,
as a child because I couldn't understand
things at school."
"What I do is just go over and over and over
my lines and learn the script so well that I can
just be easy and relaxed. That's the way I
always work."
"My life turned out to be
beyond my greatest dreams."
"I am a bit of a solitude person - a solitary
personality. I like being on my own. I don't
have any major friendships or relationships
with people."
"I'm fascinated by the fact that we
can't grasp anything about time."
"I just wanted to be a composer; I became
an actor by default, really. I got a scholarship
to a college of music and drama, hoping to
take a scholarship in music. But I ended up
as an acting student, so I've stuck with that
for the last 50-odd years."
"Once you begin to fall off the track and
believe you breathe different air to
everyone else, you're doomed; you're
finished."
"I have dual citizenship; it just so happens
I live in America. I would like to go back to
Wales. I'm obsessed with my childhood,
and at least three times a week dream I
am back there."
"I'm interested in the dream and subconscious
mind, the peculiar dream-like quality of our lives,
sometimes nightmare quality of our lives."
"I've had no contact with my daughter
for years. That's her choice. Anyway,
you move on. If people don't want to
bother with me, fine. You know, God
bless them, and move on."
"I couldn't say I ever dreamt of becoming a
composer, a pianist, or anything else for that
matter. I have the kind of brain where nothing
is set in stone."
"I do admire Judi Dench and Sir Ian McKellen,
but I'm a philistine. I like the good life too much;
I'm not good at going on stage night after night
and on wet Wednesday afternoons."
"I'm married. My wife, Stella - a beautiful
woman. She's brought a lot of peace to
my life, a lot of wisdom."
"Our existence is beyond our explanation,
whether we believe in God or we have
religion or we're atheist. Our existence is
beyond our understanding. No one has
an answer."
"Beware the tyranny of the
weak. They just suck you dry."
"In the theatre, people talk. Talk, talk until
the cows come home about journeys of
discovery and about what Hazlitt thought
of a line of Shakespeare. I can't stand it."
"The art of acting is not to act. Once you
show them more, what you show them,
in fact is bad acting."
"The magical, supernatural force that is with
us every second is time. We can't even
comprehend it. It's such an illusion, it's such
a strange thing."
"Acting is just a process of relaxation, actually.
Knowing the text so well and trusting that the
instinct and the subconscious mind, whatever
you want to call it, is going to take over."
"Actors I admire? Ed Harris, or course, I think
he's terrific; because I know he always had to
fight being what he looked like a lot, but I think
he's a terrific actor."
"I'm devious, cruel, cunning and addictive."
"I've got no need to prove to myself that
I can do Shakespeare. I've done it."
"If I spent all my time criticising myself, I wouldn't
be able to function. There are actors who theorise
till the cows come home. I haven't the patience for
them. It's maybe shallow, but that's why I'll never
be part of the acting set."
"Every time I try to retire, or even think of
retiring from acting, my agent comes up
with a script."
"I have no interest in Shakespeare and all that
British nonsense... I just wanted to get famous,
and all the rest is hogwash."
"I am able to play monsters well. I understand
monsters. I understand madmen."
"And I love a scary movie. It makes your toes
curl, and it's not you going through it."
"I don't have people following me around, like
bodyguards. I don't know how people live like
that. Maybe the young movie stars have to live
like that, I don't know. But it seems a little crazy
to me. I don't think you need all that stuff."
"I came here in 1974 to do a play, and then
I went to L.A. I really like living in America.
I feel more at home here than anywhere else."
"I know that the arts are important. I'm not
denying that, but I can't associate myself
with all the claptrap that goes on around it."
"I don't know what acting is, but I enjoy it."
"I think all those actors from that generation,
like Bogart - they were wonderful actors. They
didn't act. They just came on and they did it,
and the characters were wonderful."
"I'm always cast in these strange
men... that's not me, really."
"I worked with Lawrence Olivier some
years ago. He was a great mentor."
"I worked with Steven Spielberg on
Amistad... he seemed so very secure
in himself that he let me do things."
"Today is the tomorrow I was
worried about yesterday."
"Richard Burton came from the same
town as me, so I thought I'd follow my
nose, and follow my luck. I think I've
been very lucky."
"My father was grounded, a very meat-
and-potatoes man. He was a baker."
"It was a challenge, to work
with Oliver Stone."
"I'm one of the slowest drivers on the road.
I mosey along. If you're doing anything too
fast, including living life too fast, that creates
sudden death. If I have to be somewhere on
time, I make sure I leave early enough."
"A conductor can't be too arrogant with an
orchestra and try to impose himself too much."
"This industry has been really good to me.
It's been a great life. I'm not through yet.
I'm ready when you are, Mr. DeMille."
"I've been composing music all my life, and
if I'd been clever enough at school, I would
like to have gone to music college."
"I know that some actors and directors like
to have intensity on set. I don't, particularly.
Certainly, if they want that, that's fine, but
I can't work like that."
"I can't stand directors who try to micro-manage
everything. When it happens these days I just
walk off set, saying if they don't like the way I'm
doing it they can get someone else."
"I like to take it easy."
"I don't know why they gave me a knighthood -
though it's very nice of them - but I only ever
use the title in the U.S. The Americans insist on
it, and get offended if I don't."
"I am not very good with relationships.
With anyone. I can't be locked up with
anyone for too long."
"I think the first British actor who really worked
well in cinema was Albert Finney. He was a
back-street Marlon Brando. He brought a great
wittiness and power to the screen. The best actor
we've had."
"I was bullied as a boy - lots of kids are,
but hopefully most of us get on with our
lives and grow up."
"I once asked a Jesuit priest what was the
best short prayer he knew. He said 'F*** it,'
as in 'F... it, it's in God's hands'."
"People forget that Mozart wrote for
commissions. There's a thing in
psychology where they think if it's
popular, it can't be serious."
"My father wasn't a cruel man. And I loved
him. But he was a pretty tough character.
His own father was even tougher - one of
those Victorians, hard as iron - but my dad
was tough enough."
"I remember coming to New York in 1974
to do a play here called 'Equus.' And I
remember the first morning getting up and
walking around the streets, and I thought,
'I'm home.' I felt really at peace here."
"I hope I would not be so arrogant as
to doubt anyone's religion or belief."
"We're always looking over our shoulders,
'What they will think, what the press will think,
what will this one - am I making the right career
move?' When you're young you have to do all
that to survive, I suppose."
"I wouldn't use the word 'scared' for my role
as Hitchcock, but it was my most insecure.
Taking on such a formidable, giant personality
such as Hitchcock; he was one of the great
geniuses of world cinema. Sheer genius."
"Years ago I met Richard Burton in Port Talbot,
my home town, and afterwards he passed in his
car with his wife, and I thought, 'I want to get out
and become like him'. Not because of Wales,
because I love Wales, but because I was so limited
as a child at school and so bereft and lonely, and I
thought becoming an actor would do that."
"I spent two years in the military service, then
I trudged around in repertory for quite a while.
I somehow wound up at the National Theatre,
though, and then I was definitely on my way."
"People ask, 'Should I call you Sir Hopkins?'
But I say, 'No. Call me Tony,' because it's too
much of a lift-up."
"It will be the kiss by which all others in your
life will be judged... and found wanting."
"I've felt like an outsider all my life. It comes
from my mother, who always felt like an outsider
in my father's family. She was a powerful woman,
and she motivated my father."
"I don't have a vast longing for the stage."
I learn poetry, learn text, and that
really keeps you alive."
"The knighthood was a tremendous honour,
I don't dismiss it. But I feel embarrassed by
the flowery, theatrical stuff that goes with
being an actor."
"People don't always tell you what they are
thinking. They just see to it that you don't
advance in life."
"I worked at the Steel Company Of Wales
when I was 17. My job was to supply tools
to the guys working the blast furnaces."
"We have a Bösendorfer piano that I play
every day. It keeps my brain and my fingers
active."
"I always had a knack for improvisation.
I can write down the notes I play, but
never really had a proper academic
musical background. I suppose I'm
blessed and cursed by the fact I have
that freedom."
"I tend to get bored quickly, which
means I must be boring."
"Life's too short to deal with
other people's insecurities."
"I'm a pretty tough guy, you know.
I'm a pretty hard man. I've got a lot
of compassion, but I don't waste
time with people."
"We're all caught up in circumstances, and
we're all good and evil. When you're really
hungry, for instance, you'll do anything to
survive. I think the most evil thing - well,
maybe that's too strong - but certainly a
very evil thing is judgment, the sin of
ignorance."
"I think a certain amount of stress in life
is good. The stress of just working, which
takes effort - I think it keeps you going."
"You look closely enough, you'll find that
everything has a weak spot where it can
break, sooner or later."
"I don't have many friends; I'm very much
a loner. As a child I was very isolated, and
I've never been really close to anyone."
"I never make conscious decisions."
"I come from - I came from Wales, and it's a
strong, butch society. We were in the war and
all that. People didn't waste time feeling sorry
for themselves. You had to get on with it. So
my credo is get on with it. I don't waste time
being soft."
"I was lousy in school. Real screwed-up.
A moron. I was antisocial and didn't bother
with the other kids. A really bad student.
I didn't have any brains. I didn't know what
I was doing there. That's why I became an
actor."
"I love roller coasters. I don't get a chance
often, but I've gone to Magic Mountain and
gone on the rides. I love roller coasters."
"I've got a great sense of humour."
"It's such a pleasant surprise when you
come on set and you find someone in
charge like Ken Branagh or James Ivory.
You know that you're going to do a day's
work, and at the end of it, it's going to be
good."
"Why love if losing hurts so much? I have no
answers anymore; only the life I have lived.
The pain now is part of the happiness then."
"The Welsh people have a talent for acting
that one does not find in the English. The
English lack heart."
"If you do things, whether it's acting or music
or painting, do it without fear - that's my
philosophy. Because nobody can arrest you
and put you in jail if you paint badly, so there's
nothing to lose."
"I tried acting, liked it, and stuck with it. I saw
it as the way I would keep that promise to
myself of getting back at those who had made
my school life a misery."
"I'm most suspicious of scripts that have a lot
of stage direction at the top of the page...
sunrise over the desert and masses of... a whole
essay before you get to the dialogue."
"For me, time is the greatest mystery of all.
The fact is that we're dreaming all the time.
That's what really gets me. We have a
fathomless lake of unconsciousness just
beneath our skulls."
Time, and Regret.
A speech by Nathan Price.
This speech is something I will perform soon. It also relates to the topic
of all these photo's.
Part One-Time
86400 thousand seconds in a day. 604,800 thousand seconds in a week.
These aren’t small numbers, yet when converted to seconds they seem to lack importance. Yet seconds are extremely important, how important? In a second you can blink, breathe, speak, crash. With just a second you can do so many things. Now think about how much you could do with a minute, an hour, a day. Think about how important time is. Yet we seemingly don’t value it as much as certain other things. Money, Looks, Status, just to name a few. These trivialities have much greater weight than time does, yet when our time is up, they are seemingly the things we regret caring about the most. Today.com did a whole segment on the regrets people with very little time left had. 3 of the 8 lessons the people gave related to time, and how they wish they didn’t waste it on trivial things. How they regretted some aspects of their life.
Unless it’s something you love, than it should be considered a waste time right?Well no, movies, television and reading may considered a waste of time. But it’s just a waste of free time. Not actual time. Of course you’ve could’ve done something more productive, but how would that be better use of your time? Why regret having those good times?
There’s been so many moments in my life, where I could’ve spent more time with a friends, more time with a family member, and choose not to. I choose to waste the time on something else. I wasn’t wasting time that I had already free, I was purely just wasting it. Or is it wasting it? Should I regret the time I missed with them, or enjoy the time I had with them?
Part Two-Regret
Regret is the opposite of what I’m trying to speak on. It directly counteracts appreciation. As we all know, one regret leads to the next. And the next thing you know your in a rabbit hole. Which of course is actual waste of time. For every ten good memories I have, there is one regret alongside it. Which according to two Cornell sociology professors is quite common. According to there study, 47% of people studied regretted inaction vs action. As time progresses however those numbers increase dramatically. People of older age regret 86% inaction vs there actions. Yet why should regret either? The same study shows that humans tend to over value the times we didn’t take, over the times we did. So did I actually waste my time not being with them, or am I merely overvaluing it as I can’t have that same time with them now? See as I made this speech I realized how much I should appreciate the time I have. The fact that I had a step dad to help me with this speech. The fact that I still have time with my grandparents. The fact that I still have time.
Let’s say though you could avoid all regret, via very smart choices. Where could you even start? The first step in my opinion, is finding what you love to do. And chasing after it. It may be a low paying job, it may be a long journey to get to where you love. But no matter what you should chase it. One of the most common regrets I’ve seen is from people who didn’t go through with their love. But settled for something a little higher paying.
I asked these questions to my step dad.
“Do you regret the job you didn’t chase?”
John-
“I don’t regret not being a accountant, that would’ve been boring as hell. But I do regret not sticking with the major and going into business.”
“If you could give any advice, what would it be?”
“Find something you love, make sure it’s every aspect as well. You don’t want to end up with a liberal arts degree.”
The next step in my opinion is the most important. Find someone you love, someone who supports step one. Just like step one, a lot of your time will be with someone you love. A lot of time that could be wasted. Back to our first study, the elderly people had this to say about finding someone to spend time with. “Take the time to get to know someone before committing.”. Take as much time as you need for both of these steps! Because once you find something you love, you can have that for the rest of your time. Yet don’t overthink either of these steps. They should occur naturally, you shouldn’t have to think about how you could regret something one day. These are merely suggestions to keep in the back of your mind while making important choices. Is this the job I want to be in? Is she or he the person I want to be with? It’s all very complex, made even more so by overthinking it. In my opinion these are the only two things that should matter. It can take years and years, but ending life with things you love is all that should matter in the grand scheme of your time.
This whole speech I’ve been saying different ways to avoid regret and why regret isn’t worth it. Yet at the very moment of writing this speech, I wonder if regret making it. What if the grade isn’t what I wanted (status). What if I don’t pass this class? (Accomplishment.) What if I look foolish speaking on this? (Appearance). I thought about scraping the whole speech, and doing some comedy bit on political parties. But what purpose what that serve? I would be directly going against what I said not to do. So I needed to accept that this was the idea I wanted to follow through with. And what happens afterwards, not to regret the time I spent making it. This whole speech I spoke on major life issues people regret. Regretting inaction, the person you’ve spent your life with. Regretting the time. Yet you shouldn’t regret any time you’ve used. As that would be a actual waste. Time is so valuable. Why waste it on what if’s? Of course I would’ve changed certain things that happened along time ago, but these thoughts only serve to waste time with I have with people currently in my life. Regret wastes time. Movies, tv, reading, are surely a waste of free time. But regret is just a waste of time. I don’t regret the time I spent on this speech, I don’t regret the time I’ve spent in my life.
I appreciate the time I have and did have.
And I hope I helped make you appreciate yours just a little bit more.
Thank you.
The dog is the leader energy of 2018 and therefore we'll all be influenced by this energy. Loyalty, devotion and a sense of duty are the hallmarks of 2018.The energy of anyone born in the year of the DOG is that of someone with a resilient and adaptable character who is happy to work as part of the pack as well as on his own initiative. These people make good managers because of their popularity, empathy for others and above all, loyalty. What is the Year of the Dog? The Chinese New Year begins Friday, February 16, 2018, with the first year of the earth dog since 1958.
The Year of the Dog is based on the Chinese Zodiac, which has 12 signs comprised of animals: rat (Shu --shu), ox (Niu --niu), tiger (Hu --hu), rabbit (Tu --tu), dragon (Long --long), snake (She --she), horse (Ma --ma), goat (Yang --yang), monkey(Hou --hou), rooster (Ji --ji), dog (Gou --gou), and pig (Zhu --zhu). Each year is associated with one animal sign; last year was the Year of the Rooster, and this year is the Year of the Dog.
This particular Chinese New Year, also known as the Lunar New Year and Spring Festival, will bring happiness to most people, according to Zodiac sign astrology. It will especially be lucky year for people born in the year of the Dog, such as President Donald Trump (1946) and Kate Middleton (1982).
People whose Zodiac sign is the Dog tend to be conservative and loyal; after all, dogs are man's best friend. According to the Chinese Zodiac, they do well in business but sometimes struggle to find a mate. There are also five elements that make up the Chinese Zodiac: Wood, fire, earth, metal and water. Every year will have one element and one animal, so the year of the earth dog occurs every 60 years.For sure it is the character of the dog that is best trusted with a secret. In fact the dog is holding a hidden reserve that only he truly knows the depth of. He plays his cards close to his chest, in other words it is hard to read his mind and to know exactly what he is capable of. The dog holds a quiet dignity and never feels it necessary to boast about his own achievements. In this respect the dog can be his own worse enemy in that he finds it hard to show the true depth of his emotions. On the surface we see someone who is hard working and reliable and successful, this goes without question, yet inside, all the time, there are doubts about the self and his own ability. In a nutshell the dog’s confidence is easily knocked but you may not realise it. He is a master of disguise. Worry is the dog’s greatest enemy as he frets a lot lending a vulnerability to overthinking a situation and becoming weighed down by his challenges. The dog also doesn’t like change at all and will hold onto undesirable situations and simply learn to tolerate them even when they serve him no purpose. Routine is his preference even when he is compromised by it. The dog is a very forgiving character that sees no wrong in anyone. That said he can bare is teeth when provoked so don’t ever push him too far. The dog is the leader energy of 2018 and therefore we will all be influenced by this energy. Loyalty devotion and a sense of duty are the hallmarks of 2018. The energy of the earth dog is courageous and determined and no challenge will be too great. It is important to remember that opportunities come and opportunities go, probably never to return. The dog’s vulnerability is to procrastinate too long and miss that opportunity so be sharp eyed this year in order to maximise on your own potential. Basically, say yes to everything because there is always more depth to what is on the table that is not apparent on first sight. Anyone born in the year of the tiger, the horse, the monkey, the rooster and the rabbit all get on very well with the dog. For these people there is tremendous potential to go forth and multiple in 2018 because you have the energy of the leader watching your back.The Chinese animal that needs to keep his head down this year and not make any important changes to his life is the dragon. The dragon totally opposes the dog’s energy and is therefore against the leader. It is advisable that anyone born in the year of the dragon wears either a red string around his waist or wears red underwear or red socks all year for protections from any challenges the dog may want to throw his way. The month of April 2018 is a month when we all need to be cautious.
2018 TRAITS
Loyalty, honesty, inspire confidence
Knows how to keep a secret
Cautious about trusting people
Sums up people quickly by his instincts
Once befriended he is a friend for life
Can be selfish, stubborn and eccentric
Cares little for wealth but always had enough money
Can be cold, emotional and distant and parties
Can find fault with many things
Can have a sharp tongue
Underestimates himself and a constant worrier
Good leaders, excellent in business as a manager, teacher or secret agent
Works tirelessly to champion a cause he believes in
A hard worker, responsible, compassionate, reliable and honest.
Retrieves
Pessimistic
Nosy – always sniffing out the next clue and sex is only ever one thought away.
PEOPLE BORN IN THE YEAR OF THE DOG
Sir Winston Churchill, Madonna, Steven Spielberg, Jennifer Lopez, Bill Clinton, Michael Jackson, Brigette Bardot, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Sharron Stone, Claudia Shiffer.
The 2018 Chinese New Year began on Friday, February 16.
The celebrations will last for over two weeks – and if you fancy making a trip before the festivities end, read this guide for a first-timer's trip to China. Chinese New Year takes place on a different date each year because it is based on the lunar calendar. New Year's Day normally falls between January 21 and February 20. Ancient eclipse records made in China and Babylonia are believed to be over 4,000 ... that solar eclipses occur when a legendary celestial dragon devours the Sun. ... were able to predict solar eclipses by analyzing the motion of the Moon.According to tales and legends, the beginning of the Chinese New Year started with a mythical beast called the Nian. Nian would eat villagers, especially children. One year, all the villagers decided to go hide from the beast. An old man appeared before the villagers went into hiding and said that he's going to stay the night, and decided to get revenge on the Nian. All the villagers thought he was insane. The old man put red papers up and set off firecrackers. The day after, the villagers came back to their town to see that nothing was destroyed. They assumed that the old man was a deity who came to save them. The villagers then understood that the Nian was afraid of the color red and loud noises. When the New Year was about to come, the villagers would wear red clothes, hang red lanterns, and red spring scrolls on windows and doors. People also used firecrackers to frighten away the Nian. From then on, Nian never came to the village again. The Nian was eventually captured by Hongjun Laozu, an ancient Taoist monk. The Nian became Hongjun Laozu's mount.The story goes that all the animals wanted to be a zodiac sign when the Jade Emperor decreed to select the twelve Chinese zodiac signs. According to the standard, however, only the animals helpful to human beings could be selected.
Therefore, all the animals came to the Jade Emperor to show their merits and prove that they were good assistants to human beings. Nevertheless, the origin of zodiac dog was related to the cat. Legend goes that both the cat and the dog had a close relationship with humans. The cat thought the dog ate too much and slept in front of the door all day without any contribution while the dog thought the cat only ate the good food and did nothing but scaring the rat all day. They argued and asked the Jade Emperor to decide which side was right. The Jade Emperor asked the dog: "how much do you eat for a meal?" The dog honestly replied: "I watch the door and guard the house every day, and I eat a bowl of food for a meal." Then, the Jade Emperor asked the cat: "what about you?" On a sudden inspiration, the cat said: "I can chant scriptures and catch rat and I eat every meal an oil lamp of food for a meal." The cat just wanted to tell the Jade Emperor tactfully that it not only ate an oil lamp of food, but also earned its own living by catching rat, so its contribution was bigger than the dog. After listening to what the dog and the cat said, the Jade Emperor thought the cat eat less but did more and its contribution was bigger than the dog. The dog was very angry because the cat won it with a disgraceful lie. Therefore, the dog abused and chased after the cat to bite it. The cat knew that it was in the wrong, so it kept running and dared not show up even in the home, hiding from place to place. In selecting the twelve Chinese zodiac signs, however, the heavenly officers didn't follow the Jade Emperor's decree and they changed the rule: those first arrived animals would be the twelve Chinese zodiac signs. The dog learned the news, so it came with the rooster to the Heavenly Palace when the cat was hiding away from it. The rooster flied to the front of the dog; the cat went out after the dog left and it learned that the dog had gone to the Heavenly Palace to participate in the competition of Chinese zodiac signs. So, the cat ran to the Heavenly Palace in a hurry and ranked after the rooster. Unexpectedly, the rat played a trick and hid in the ox's horn, thus ranked first among the animal signs while the cat had no chance. From then on, the cat hated the rat and killed rat whenever it found one. Although the honest dog was selected successfully, it never forgave the cat.
www.theenergyspecialist.co.uk/blog/2018-the-year-of-the-e...
If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.
~Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
"No, it's not the wine. This thing is just amazing." Alondra replies, "It's almost like the computer actually created what we think of as heaven."
"And turned it into a porn prison." Aliyah points out, "Which let's face it, is probably better than what conventional heaven is explained to us to be."
"When people find out about this, I mean really find out." Alondra says, "They're going to stop living their regular lives. There's going to be people who will give up everything just to live artificially until they literally expire, and if people are in those tubes their whole lives, they'll probably live a whole hell of a lot longer too."
YOU CHOOSE:
A. "You're overthinking it girl, let's focus on the porn for now and sell people the dream life later."
B. "I can understand I suppose, but nothing's gonna make me stop living my normal life. It's too damn fun."
C. "What if someone already did do that, and we're all already living in it, and we just forgot and don't know it because we were programmed to?"
D. Dynamic Response.
Bit cliché, but I don't like taking photos of myself. My smile is one of the reasons why...Also, my nose! The big family trait ;P So enjoy this wonderfully fuzzy and noisy iPhone photo :D...heh.
I was tagged by Christin and Daphne ^___^ Thanks! I like this type of thing. I tagged two people, but feel free to do it if you're reading it :3 I love learning more about people.
1: What are you wearing?
Bunny PJ bottoms and my Ramones tshirt.
2: Something about you that nobody ever knew?
Nobody? Hmm...when I was younger, I watched a movie called "Harriet the Spy" and became so obcessed that I took my dads toolbelt and wore it around - it contained a small flash light, a notepad and binoculars and I used these items to spy on my neighbours and solve little mysteries...
3: Biggest phobias?
Moths, losing my memory or not being remembered.
4: How tall are you?
Five feet three inches...maybe?
5: Ever been in love?
Yup ^___^
6: Any tattoos that you want?
I want a half sleeve, a tattoo with my oldest friend, an Ouroborus and a quote I need to remember.
7: Any piercings that you want?
Septum, nipple (but I heard it's hell to heal x.x) and more ear piercings probably.
8: Make-outs or cuddling?
Both! ...but if I could only have one, I'd choose cuddles.
9: Shoe size?
UK 5.
10: Favorite bands?
Uhhh...I have way too many, honestly. I like most music. But the bands I've been listening to most recently are Perfect Circle, Foo Fighters, Of Monsters and Men and The Pillows.
11: Something you miss?
Having weeks or months without feeling sad.
12: Favorite song?
Bleeehhh I don't know xD Seriously, it changes day to day. Right now it's most definitely Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men...I can't stop listening to it.
13: How old are you?
Twenty threeeeeee.
14: Zodiac sign?
Gemini.
15: Hair Color?
Extremely ginger xD Back to my natural colour.
16: Favorite Quote?
This too in time shall pass.
17: Favorite singer?
Your mum? O_O
18: Favorite color?
Any shade of purple, probably.
19: Loud music or soft?
Quiet music makes me feel uneasy and I don't know why.
20: Where do you go when you're sad?
Under my blankets.
21: How long does it take you to shower?
About...twenty minutes?
22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
An hour because I usually do my makeup and then lie down for a bit before drying my hair...xD
23: Ever been in a physical fight?
I kicked a boy who was punching my friend (also a boy) when I was...seven. He promptly punched me in the eye though.
24: Turn on?
Make me laugh, be adorable, surprise me.
25: Turn off?
Be an asshole, smell bad O_O, ignore me, like "clubbing"...
26: The reason I joined Flickr?
Dolls!
27: Fears?
Same as phobias, no?
28: Last thing that made you cry?
Being an idiot and overthinking things.
29: Last time you cried?
Yesterday, woo.
30: Meaning behind your url:
Nothing, I guess.
31: Last book you read? Fiction:
The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
32: Last song you listened to?
Mountain Sound, Of Monsters and Men.
33: Last show you watched?
K-On!
34: Last person you talked to?
Ren!
35: The relationship between you and the person you last texted?
My mum! She's...my mum. And she's amazing.
36: Favorite food?
Any food!
37: Place you want to visit?
Every single place I am able to.
38: Last place you were?
Manchester!
39: Do you have a crush?
Yes?
40: Last time you kissed someone?
I can't remember xD
41: Last time you were insulted and what was it?
Guy in my class said that Sherlock was a bad show. I would have punched him...not really, BUT STILL.
42: What color underwear are you wearing?
Black.
43: What color shirt are you wearing?
Black.
44: Are you tired?
Always.
45: Wearing any bracelets?
TSWGO, DFTBA, spiked bracelet and a circle band with a little skull on it.
46: Last sport you played?
Haaha...what is exercise.
47: Last song you sang?
Gangnam Style >___>
48: Last prank call you remember doing?
It was so long ago I have no memory of it...
49: Last time you hung out with anyone?
Today with MICHELLE SAMA SENSEI KUUUUUN.
50: Do you consider your approachable?
I think so. People talk to me easily enough, even if I have headphones in...dammit xD
4/200
+3
Finally hauled myself from my res room today to shoot. I can't, in my right mind, waste days where light is available for so long and it isn't twenty below, so I downed my cold tea and packed up. It was weird. Getting outside and finding a quiet spot without pedestrian traffic is quite challenging when you live on campus, but when I finally did settle down, I felt so at home. Everything felt just the way it used to; stashing my things by my tripod, prancing to and from my camera and not overthinking, just doing.
It felt like home for the first time in a while.
Sunday, August 26, 2018.
33,028 miles.
//
All quiet Sunday's should start out with gluten free breakfast sandwiches and the most delicious black coffee ever.
I headed back to the WPA Bakery this morning to get some pie and that sandwich (pie was for lunch in a gas station parking lot), before hitting the road, and starting to slowly make my way back to the Midwest. I wanted to get a decent amount of driving in today, because I realized I could swing through the Great Smokey Mountains on the way back, probably tomorrow morning, which sounds all sorts of awesome (although I had to get gas twice today...$2.64 in Richmond for a total of $11, and $2.53...somewhere else, for an even $10).
I'm also doing an experiment and I'm starting to text with this boy named David. I don't think I've mentioned this before, and I'm not sure if I'm ready to do ANY sort of dating, but it might be a good time to start when I have ample distractions, can take my time finding my footing, and...remind myself that I'm actually capable of dating.
We texted until 1130p tonight (!!) and I accidentally had 3 beers during that time...oops. He's 30, though, which is a bit on the young side, but I'm trying not to overthink any of this and go with the flow.
This is going to sound needy, but I feel like I need someone to see me. Tell me I'm pretty, or that I have a great butt, or nice eyes, or something incredibly superficial and selfish like that. We'll get to the more intense personality stuff later, but for now? I think we need to start with that little baby step.
Unrelated bonus of tonight's Super 8 - there's a stream that runs along the whole back of the motel, so I've been sitting on the balcony, doing more staring and listening than writing, but man. It's real nice.
It was the 2nd time I visited this location. The first time I tried to visit it some weeks ago. After a long walk through the forest I entered the domain and immediately I saw a man walking there. He looked like a gardener or caretaker. He did not notice me but came walking my way. I freezed, and in seconds was overthinking my next move: Wait and hide or run back through the dense forest. In milliseconds I chose the seconds option and run through the forest. The man must have been thinking there was a pack of deer wandering the surrounding forest.
This second time I planned a day of exploring with a team mate who more or less found this castle himself. He already visited it three times, but I had to go there another time to get my pictures. So, my friend visited Château Henri for the 4th time
When we walked around the castle I noticed people inside. A lady with a big smile waved at us and we could enter the castle. We shook hands and found out that I know the guy who was there with his girlfriend. They come from Germany and we have had contact through Flickr and FB. It was very nice meeting each other and again this shows what a small world UE is.
We did our thing, and after some time we were done and left the castle. As we had lovely weather we all walked towards one of the pools to take some outside shots before we leave. Suddenly we heard the sound of a motorscooter and within no time there were two guys on a motorscooter in front of the castle. Damn, were fooked!! We slowly walked our way to the entrance, but 20 meters before we were there the motorscooter showed up and we were stopped. After some smarttalk the guys were more at ease. It was the gardener and one of his friends. The gardener looked after the castle for 22 years already. It was a very friendly guy, but still he called the police.
After waiting for 30 minutes I started to friendly annoy this gardener by asking him every 5 minutes where the police are. And everytime he excused himself and every time he called the police again where they were. I need to continue this, as the police will be fed up with the man at one time In the meantime we changed memorycards and decided what our story would be.
After 45 minutes the police arrived. My plan was to lie flat on our bellies and start photographing small flowers as soon as we saw the police. Unfortunately we didn’t After some ID checks our bags were opened (but not searched) and the gardener excused himself as he needed to do some groceries. Pretty awkward, but ok. And again, we were excused by the man that it took so long before the police came, and I started to feel sorry for the guy. But the best part is yet to come….
The police asked us where our cars are parked. Our German friends were parked two streets to the right, and we were parked two streets to the left. The officer decided to join the Germans and walked to their car for a small car search. We were asked to walk to our car and wait there until they come to us. I cannot believe this happened. If I had some contraband in the car I had plenty of time to hide it before our car was searched. I could have buried all AK-47′s which were hidden in my trunk before the police popped up. Unbelievable country this is…. We drank a cup of coffee together and headed towards the next location…
This castle was built in the 1930′s by the owner of a nearby textile company. It was in his posession till the 1990′s when the castle and it’s domain was sold to a wealthy couple. They completely redecorated the place for which they spent a little fortune. The long driveway was asphalted and the place was furnished with the most expensive furniture which fitted the design of the castle. After some time the couple got arrested for some reason and the castle was sold to a bank who wants to gain some of their money back which they lost to the couple. Unfortunately it is for sale already for some years, and with it’s price being around the € 3 million I guess it will be for sale for some time. Luckily the place is well maintained by the gardener, and really hope he will still have it’s job once the castle is sold…
Please visit www.preciousdecay.com for more pictures
March 9, 2013 - This week's Flickr Friday theme is "Walk 50 Steps and Shoot" - Foregoing the urge to overthink this theme, I simply walked down the road 50 steps and shot this....
2011 - Day 314. Nov. 10, 2011.
It's quite understandable that the Inuit have many words for 'snow'. Today we experienced snow showers, not our regular snowfall that blankets everything in sight, but isolated pockets of snow that come in quick bursts.
This is not the shot I intended to take, but I'm posting it as a 'note to self' to stop overthinking things. When I first saw the Cumuliform cloud that was dumping snow, (see my note), it was close and appeared to be massive. I should have just pulled over to the side of the road and taken the shot. No, I decided I'd get a better view from the top of the escarpment. By the time I raced up there, parked my vehicle, put on my polarizing filter, and set up my tripod, the cloud was on the other side of the bay, over Wasaga Beach. My new mantra...just take the shot...just take the shot...just take the shot...
Following my class today I walked between two university buildings and it occurred to me that the rough stone wall would make an interesting background for a portrait, especially since there was indirect light bouncing off the wall facing it. I thought a bit about how I would approach a photo here and then set about wandering in search of an interesting face.
Working in my favor is the fact that young people (like university students) tend to be pretty open to my project and to the internet. Also in my favor was the fact that one of the buildings was a residence and many students returning after class did not appear rushed. For some reason, however, I had trouble finding someone I felt was “right” for the location. It may have been one of those 100 Strangers experiences where I overthink a photo and then find I’m way too picky. I think others will agree that if you get too picky, the problem seems to amplify and it becomes harder and harder to make an approach. That was my frame of mind and I figured I would take one more walk through the passageway and then head for home.
Bingo! Just then I noticed this attractive young woman returning from class and I thought her features were both beautiful and friendly. Her hair and bright lipstick completed the picture and I approached her with my project invitation. She said she was fine with it and was ready to pose. Meet Alexis.
Alexis is 18 and has just begun her university studies at the RTA School of Media where she intends to prepare for a career in producing music for cinema. She grew up in a city north of Toronto and recently moved to Toronto to study. She is very pleased with her program so far and when I asked for her impressions of Toronto she laughed and said “This is going to sound kind of silly, but the subway was a huge experience for me. I’d never ridden the subway before and I couldn’t believe the diversity of people riding the subway. It’s really a slice of Toronto!” When I asked about her own background she told me she was born and raised in Toronto but that she is half-Jamaican. She’s never been to Jamaica but is eager to do so. I told her that my wife and I found it a beautiful island when we took a week-long vacation there a few years ago.
When we reached the wall, Alexis was eager to help with the photo and I showed her how I envisioned the pose, in close to the wall and photographed “skimming” the wall to have the stone surface blur. As we took a few photos, Alexis quite naturally assumed a couple of varied poses and I asked if she had done any modeling. She gave a shy laugh and said she wouldn’t mind doing a bit of modeling if the opportunity presented itself. Based on my experience today, I would say she could easily help pay some of her school expenses through part-time modeling.
I enjoyed meeting you Alexis. Thank you for participating in 100 Strangers. You are Stranger #625 in Round 7 of my project. I wish you success in your studies!
Find out more about the project and see pictures taken by the other photographers in our group at the 100 Strangers Flickr Group page.
wizardsofthewest.com/shiny-dress#
Thousands of sequins covered the fabric of the dress, causing it to shine and shimmer in the light. Their edges could make the outside rough to touch, but the dress itself was comfortable. It was pink, though its glittering made it appear very light from certain angles. The dress was tight, meant to curve along the contours of her body. It was sleeveless, with a neckline that dipped down in a V. From behind, a larger cut would show her shoulder blades and upper back.
Corinne looked at the dress for a long time, occasionally holding it against herself and looking at her reflection in the mirror instead. It was a very pretty dress. She liked the color and design and thought she would be quite fetching in it.
Still, she frowned. She worried that the party would be too casual an affair for something so…sparkly. It was not quite an evening dress, but it seemed better suited to the sorts of occasions she only dreamed about. She didn’t want to look overdressed.
You’re overthinking this! Just pick something already! she grouched at herself, but she headed to the closet yet again.
A really must apologise, a’ve done a hell of a lot of talkin’ and not a lot of thinkin’. Mibbe’s a should shut the fuck up for minute and actually listen to whit am saying, know whit a mean? Ma tendency to overthink means, ironically, that I can tend to think right past any solutions or the like. All the pit stops and restful beds that a could quietly clamber into get lost in a mental blur of whit ifs, who cares and piles of pishy poetry.
Aye, instead of mapping out some well kent course, a just stick ma brain into the gear marked ‘introspection’, jam ma foot on the pedal and off a fucking go until I hit something too damn big to figure out. Like fucking Bowie so am, always crashing in the same shitty wee car.
Well mibbe it’s time to stop aw that you know? Mibbe being this stupit clown ain’t the best for me, but mibbe it’s aw a can be, which leaves only one wee question. Where do you drive to if it’s the driver you want shot of?
A’ve thought of it before like. Or as I would like to see it, been chased to it by others. Back in them days that I like to think of as halcyon is actually a sad wee bastard cutting about in a shitey world not of his making.
‘Come on oot and get pished’ they said.
‘Go on Gavin, boys your age should be out dancing and drinking all night’ they said.
‘These are the best days of your life wee man’ they said.
‘These are the tunes to like and the places to go’ they said.
‘Yer better off with a drink down ye pal’ they said.
They said a lot of fucking things back then, never fucking asked me though did they? Never thought that mibbe sitting up on the hills listening to Radiohead wisnae such a crap way to spend a Saturday evening. Never stopped to reckon that mibbe I preferred ‘Paranoid Android’, fresh air and ma own company to ‘Lovefool’, sticky floors and a bunch of wanks from ma school.
Anyway, a was saying, a’ve thought of it before. Was one step away an’ all. Standing on the Hammills in Paisley town centre, staring down at the waterfall froth and churn (the motion of which cruelly mimicked the feeling from inside ma Tequilla addled stomach). Back then, Paisley town centre, Utopia nightclub and aw the fucks, nonces, good guys and nobodies that were crammed into it, fuck, that was ma world. That was whit a was trying to conform to and that is whit a most assuredly wanted to avoid.
So their a stood, eyes aw bleary and bloodshot, heed spinning like a dervish’s arse. A was peering down over the rocks, down to the black water that a hoped would immerse me once and for all. Looking back with some hindsight, the most that would have happened to me was that a would have cracked ma erse of the river bed and been washed up at the bus station 100 metres down stream, all too alive and all too sober. Still, these facts were not considered prescient to ma stupit wee heed and a was convinced that ma best chance of a happy life, wis no life at all.
Of course, a never did it. A wee lassie a was seeing at the time called out to me from the bridge and instead of losing ma self in the eddies of the river currents, a slunk quietly back into the swirls of teenage life. She never knew what she did like and a mibbe never thanked her enough for aw the times she pulled me through, consciously or otherwise. Hell, a never thanked her for not letting me die a virgin.
A’ve thought of it at other times, like. Sometimes all of this clutter and demand that scatters around you just drives you down some lateral mindset till ye can think of nowt more than a big bump and a swift end. At other times life sneaks up on you in a fucking mundane blizzard and just washes you right clean of any sense you had.
And now, now here a am, a fucking clown with a balding wig, cracked make up and a thousand fucking loose ends trailing behind me. Am pointing this camera at me to make sense of some intangible weight that’s grabbed on like a fucking pitbull and is nae gonna let go till it’s bled me fucking dry. Is it working? Does this make sense to anyone let alone me? More presciently, am a gonna go out like this? Is this clown gonna make one more technifuckingcolour blow out and then bow out with a slump, a groan and a very final fucking thud…
We believe that physical training exercises can be the gateway to a soulful and connected life! Don’t overthink it, take a deep breath and MOVE with us! So less stress, less guilt, more joy, power and juice - that’s what you get in SoulWork Club! www.soulworkclub.com/
I am in a perfect place to write -- the dogs, the deer, the rooster, the neighbors, the junk, the weeds, the trees. It is a place where I can look into what I've been trying to become (and even go meta on writing my memories, if I have to). Perfection is not needed when I write. I am not a stickler when it comes to anything else, definitely not these photographs. I capture and create what I like and then share them and leave them. These photographs have, in fact, morphed my approach. I will write more to create and not to complain, not to impress those with whom I do not wish to communicate. This rooster, he just struts around the junk, slowly carefully, but when he cries you better believe it's loud and shrill and rings through the holler. He doesn't desire to take it back or reshape it. He doesn't overthink it. He makes the dogs jump. His talons are sharp should they come too close.
When taking a picture, I often think things could be better. Light, noise, sharpness, colours, background/foreground elements.
In this case, I was fortunate enough to like it immediately. Could be better? Maybe, but I just don't bother overthinking. Sometimes this effort to get the best out of it may push us in messy paths. Self-control and low realistic standards pay off in that regard.
I use a sketchbook as an intergral part of my creative process. But only use sharpie fine tips and draw thumbnail sketches. I can not tell you how freeing it was to add collage, paint, pastels, paint and more to the pages! At first I was timid and overthinking.....but now I've made like 20 spreads! Yeah, nutty!
2021. I normally do not include any context for my work but I felt as if I had to make an exception for this series. These are my thoughts put on paper: truths, half-truths, lies, and intrusions. This is overthinking that's been given the treatment of being fleshed out in the most raw. This is documented catharsis.
"Over thinking"
This is the first outcome with ZombieCandy.
(Go check out her PurplePort & her work!!)
purpleport.com/portfolio/zombiecandy/
We have all had those moments when we over think. This is a metaphor to show this.
Please comment, like and share!!
YouTube:
www.youtube.com/user/johnsonleealex
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Daughtry
Magazzini Generali - Milano
13 Marzo 2014
Chris Daughtry - Vocals
Josh Paul - Bass
Brian Craddock - Guitar
Josh Steely - Guitar
Robin Diaz - Drums
Elvio Fernandes - Keyboard
Ph.Mairo Cinquetti
When the time arrived to make his fourth full-length studio album, Baptized, Chris Daughtry followed his instincts.
Motivated by intensely creative writing sessions with the likes of Martin Johnson [Boys Like Girls], Sam Hollander [Gym Class Heroes, Coheed and Cambria] and Claude Kelly [Bruno Mars, Whitney Houston], the singer, songwriter and musician quickly discovered the direction of his latest body of work.
"I needed a change," he admits. "I started hearing these new sounds over my voice, and it was so inspiring. There wasn't just one style either. It was a completely different vibe all around. I really wanted to pursue that to the fullest. This is probably one of the most inspiring records I've ever done."
In early 2013, Chris began working on what would eventually become Baptized. Early on, he made a conscious decision to approach the album from a different angle. It would've been too easy for him to simply repeat himself considering he and the band have been on quite a hot streak since their 2006 self-titled became the fastest-selling rock debut in Soundscan history. 2009's Leave This Town gave them their second consecutive No. 1 on the Billboard Top 200, while Break The Spell reached gold status in merely four weeks of release in 2011. Throughout, they achieved four No. 1 smashes at radio as well as four Grammy Award nominations and four American Music Awards wins. Meanwhile, sales exceeded 7.5 million albums and 17 million singles. Nevertheless, as an artist/band, they chose to evolve for both themselves and their fans.
In between a hectic touring schedule, Chris would fly to Los Angeles for in-studio sessions with Johnson and Hollander or Kelly.
"As fans of the band, they would do things that I normally wouldn't do, and that's why it was so exciting. I was much more open to explore a new style of writing with this album. Whether it was on keyboard, piano, or even banjo in some cases, the soundscape really felt alive. We'd write a song together and cut the vocals right then and there to capture that energy. It happened so quickly. We didn't need to overthink anything. The magic was there."
It's easy to hear, feel, and even see that magic on the first single "Waiting for Superman." Electronics glimmer along with a soft acoustic guitar strum and resounding piano as a cinematic tale unfolds in orchestral pop fashion. It instantly takes flight with one of the vocalist's most powerful hooks yet and an inspiring story.
"It was never about a superhero per se," he reveals. "It’s about waiting for that someone in your life to step up and be what you need in that moment as a ‘rock’ or ‘strength.’ I've heard it so many times. I chose one of the biggest pop culture archetypes out there because it can mean many different things. I love the image of a girl waiting for someone to save her. Personally, it stems from my own experiences with my teenage daughter and wife. They were my muses."
The track "Battleships," sails into new territory. An immersive beat bounces along with the warm production as he delivers an irresistible anthem meant for arenas. In order to test this fresh flavor, he ran it by his toughest critics.
He smiles, "My parents love our music, but they're mainly into country. After I played them 'Battleships,' I expected my dad to say, 'Well, that's different!' Instead, he looked at me and said, 'Man, that's a hit!'
The lyrics find him veering down an uncharted lane as well. "It's not a breakup song—which we've been the ambassadors for over the past six years," Daughtry chuckles. "It's about butting heads with the one you love. You don't want to fight, but it happens. You're both going to stand your ground, but you're really fighting for each other."
Perhaps the most shining example of Chris’ evolution is the rollicking and raucous "Long Live Rock & Roll". Acoustic guitar and banjo charge forward at full steam as he name checks everyone from Elton John and Billy Joel to Mötley Crüe and Guns 'N Roses, even lamenting "Van Hagar" in the process.
"It was so far out of my normal comfort zone," he says. "Everything has always been so serious in the past, but rock 'n' roll is meant to be fun. I wanted to cut loose and have a good time. We went places I'd never been musically."
At the same time, the kinetic "I'll Fight" brandishes a youthful vibrancy, while the title track, “Baptized,” builds from a Western-style dobro hum into a bombastic refrain. In many ways, the title encapsulates Chris’ ethos completely.
"I always wanted to call the album Baptized, because it felt like a new chapter," he declares. "It's a bold statement."
He's ready to proclaim that statement in front of packed venues around the world alongside longtime bandmates Josh Paul [bass], Brian Craddock [guitar], Josh Steely [guitar], Robin Diaz [drums] and new addition Elvio Fernandes [keyboards]. Outside of music, he continues to give back to various charities. He even holds an ambassadorship with DC Comics’ We Can Be Heroes campaign, fighting hunger in underdeveloped countries.
At the end of the day, Baptized certainly signals a rebirth for Chris and the band. "I want fans to keep an open mind about it," he concludes. "The songs are very much what I do lyrically and melodically. I've always been a sucker for a great melody. That's what songwriting is all about. Can people relate to this? Is it real? Is it honest? That's what everyone should take away. It's real and authentic. This is where I am right now."
Daughtry
Magazzini Generali - Milano
13 Marzo 2014
Chris Daughtry - Vocals
Josh Paul - Bass
Brian Craddock - Guitar
Josh Steely - Guitar
Robin Diaz - Drums
Elvio Fernandes - Keyboard
Ph.Mairo Cinquetti
When the time arrived to make his fourth full-length studio album, Baptized, Chris Daughtry followed his instincts.
Motivated by intensely creative writing sessions with the likes of Martin Johnson [Boys Like Girls], Sam Hollander [Gym Class Heroes, Coheed and Cambria] and Claude Kelly [Bruno Mars, Whitney Houston], the singer, songwriter and musician quickly discovered the direction of his latest body of work.
"I needed a change," he admits. "I started hearing these new sounds over my voice, and it was so inspiring. There wasn't just one style either. It was a completely different vibe all around. I really wanted to pursue that to the fullest. This is probably one of the most inspiring records I've ever done."
In early 2013, Chris began working on what would eventually become Baptized. Early on, he made a conscious decision to approach the album from a different angle. It would've been too easy for him to simply repeat himself considering he and the band have been on quite a hot streak since their 2006 self-titled became the fastest-selling rock debut in Soundscan history. 2009's Leave This Town gave them their second consecutive No. 1 on the Billboard Top 200, while Break The Spell reached gold status in merely four weeks of release in 2011. Throughout, they achieved four No. 1 smashes at radio as well as four Grammy Award nominations and four American Music Awards wins. Meanwhile, sales exceeded 7.5 million albums and 17 million singles. Nevertheless, as an artist/band, they chose to evolve for both themselves and their fans.
In between a hectic touring schedule, Chris would fly to Los Angeles for in-studio sessions with Johnson and Hollander or Kelly.
"As fans of the band, they would do things that I normally wouldn't do, and that's why it was so exciting. I was much more open to explore a new style of writing with this album. Whether it was on keyboard, piano, or even banjo in some cases, the soundscape really felt alive. We'd write a song together and cut the vocals right then and there to capture that energy. It happened so quickly. We didn't need to overthink anything. The magic was there."
It's easy to hear, feel, and even see that magic on the first single "Waiting for Superman." Electronics glimmer along with a soft acoustic guitar strum and resounding piano as a cinematic tale unfolds in orchestral pop fashion. It instantly takes flight with one of the vocalist's most powerful hooks yet and an inspiring story.
"It was never about a superhero per se," he reveals. "It’s about waiting for that someone in your life to step up and be what you need in that moment as a ‘rock’ or ‘strength.’ I've heard it so many times. I chose one of the biggest pop culture archetypes out there because it can mean many different things. I love the image of a girl waiting for someone to save her. Personally, it stems from my own experiences with my teenage daughter and wife. They were my muses."
The track "Battleships," sails into new territory. An immersive beat bounces along with the warm production as he delivers an irresistible anthem meant for arenas. In order to test this fresh flavor, he ran it by his toughest critics.
He smiles, "My parents love our music, but they're mainly into country. After I played them 'Battleships,' I expected my dad to say, 'Well, that's different!' Instead, he looked at me and said, 'Man, that's a hit!'
The lyrics find him veering down an uncharted lane as well. "It's not a breakup song—which we've been the ambassadors for over the past six years," Daughtry chuckles. "It's about butting heads with the one you love. You don't want to fight, but it happens. You're both going to stand your ground, but you're really fighting for each other."
Perhaps the most shining example of Chris’ evolution is the rollicking and raucous "Long Live Rock & Roll". Acoustic guitar and banjo charge forward at full steam as he name checks everyone from Elton John and Billy Joel to Mötley Crüe and Guns 'N Roses, even lamenting "Van Hagar" in the process.
"It was so far out of my normal comfort zone," he says. "Everything has always been so serious in the past, but rock 'n' roll is meant to be fun. I wanted to cut loose and have a good time. We went places I'd never been musically."
At the same time, the kinetic "I'll Fight" brandishes a youthful vibrancy, while the title track, “Baptized,” builds from a Western-style dobro hum into a bombastic refrain. In many ways, the title encapsulates Chris’ ethos completely.
"I always wanted to call the album Baptized, because it felt like a new chapter," he declares. "It's a bold statement."
He's ready to proclaim that statement in front of packed venues around the world alongside longtime bandmates Josh Paul [bass], Brian Craddock [guitar], Josh Steely [guitar], Robin Diaz [drums] and new addition Elvio Fernandes [keyboards]. Outside of music, he continues to give back to various charities. He even holds an ambassadorship with DC Comics’ We Can Be Heroes campaign, fighting hunger in underdeveloped countries.
At the end of the day, Baptized certainly signals a rebirth for Chris and the band. "I want fans to keep an open mind about it," he concludes. "The songs are very much what I do lyrically and melodically. I've always been a sucker for a great melody. That's what songwriting is all about. Can people relate to this? Is it real? Is it honest? That's what everyone should take away. It's real and authentic. This is where I am right now."
I don't like the reflection of my arm on the right side of the frame but it was cute when the young woman realized I was on the other side of the window, she immediately started primping her little pooch's outfit so it would look just right for me, lol.
Wish I would've stopped down just a tad more here because the woman's smile adds a lot to the frame, I had some leeway. But I was trying to not overthink things.
File#: 1941032
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Nikon Z7, Nikkor 24mm f/1.4, [ISO 8000, f/2.8, 25 sec (Sky)], [ISO 8000, f/2.0, 30 sec (Foreground)]
---
*
Let the record show, I have an interesting relationship with some of my favorite subjects. What does that mean? It only means, I enjoy the places differently that most other people. No, I don’t do anything weird or unusual with these locations, other than I shoot them so they look interesting to me. I mean, the connection I have with them, the interaction I have with them is different. What can be different with an ancient Anazai ruin location? I haven’t laid eyes on it in anything other than pitch black night.
*
When I was a kid, my grand parents used to live in Arizona. For a few years in the early 70’s, my sister and I used to visit them for a few weeks to a month. I recall one of the best things we did was exactly what I do now, visit Arizona’s many sites. The Wupatki National Monument just northeast of Flagstaff was one of those locations. I definitely recall visiting there more than once during one of those vacations with the grand parents. I remember walking among the ruins. I even recall me trying to imagine what the places looked like when they were occupied hundreds of years before. All that was more than 40 years ago.
*
Fast forward to nowadays, I am fairly periodic visitor of Flagstaff when spending the night traveling between Southern California and my home in Southern New Mexico. About two years ago when first getting into night photography, I looked at the map and noted Wupatki was just 20 miles northeast of Flagstaff--conveniently located for night shooting.
*
Since the whole point of night photography is not about the sunrise and sunset, I rarely try to mix sunlight photography with my night shooting. That meant, the first time I visited Wupatki since those trips in the 70’s, meant exploring the place in the pitch black. I won’t say it was intentional, but I’ve been back there two more times and each were also night photography shoots. I have yet to see these subjects in the broad daylight.
*
Does that matter? Probably not all that much, especially now that I’ve visited the same sites multiple times. I have a familiarity with the locations even though I haven’t laid clear eyes on them.
*
When making images in these conditions, there are definitely fewer elemental distractions because you literally can’t see them. Big features dominate the compositional choices. Small details are obvious and mostly dis-regarded. Basic design rules dominate instead of making subtle compromises that can only be judged in brighter conditions. The biggest features are place in the most classic compositional locations and everything else is left to fall out as an after thought.
*
The biggest challenges shooting in these conditions are the many exposure choices always prevalent with night photography. Wide apertures and narrow depth of fields rule the environment which is contrary to normal day-light photography. High ISO settings and associated image quality degradation has to be understood to reliably predict what images will look like at the end of post-shooting production. All these choices occupy my mind much more than trying to take advantage of subtle terrain features that might make compositions more compelling. Shooting at night makes compositions simple. You literally don’t have the distractions of too much to see and you mind is much more pre-occupied with other tasks.
*
I’ve had good success shooting Wupatki at night. I’m not sure if visiting it during the day will improve my results or cause me to overthink what I’m doing by trying in incorporate what I saw in the day and couldn’t see at night. In other words, I don’t feel compelled to visit the place in normal light.
*
This composition is comprised of 25 images captured in two separate groups five were made with exposures tuned for the night sky. The other 20 were combined into four layers used to reduce noise in post-production and with exposure values tuned for the foreground. The raw images were converted using Capture One. The pano layers were combined with PT Gui. The whole image was finished with Photoshop.
*
Cheers
*
Tom
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#arizona #night #nightphotography #nikon #nikonphotography #wupatkinationalmonument
Daughtry
Magazzini Generali - Milano
13 Marzo 2014
Chris Daughtry - Vocals
Josh Paul - Bass
Brian Craddock - Guitar
Josh Steely - Guitar
Robin Diaz - Drums
Elvio Fernandes - Keyboard
Ph.Mairo Cinquetti
When the time arrived to make his fourth full-length studio album, Baptized, Chris Daughtry followed his instincts.
Motivated by intensely creative writing sessions with the likes of Martin Johnson [Boys Like Girls], Sam Hollander [Gym Class Heroes, Coheed and Cambria] and Claude Kelly [Bruno Mars, Whitney Houston], the singer, songwriter and musician quickly discovered the direction of his latest body of work.
"I needed a change," he admits. "I started hearing these new sounds over my voice, and it was so inspiring. There wasn't just one style either. It was a completely different vibe all around. I really wanted to pursue that to the fullest. This is probably one of the most inspiring records I've ever done."
In early 2013, Chris began working on what would eventually become Baptized. Early on, he made a conscious decision to approach the album from a different angle. It would've been too easy for him to simply repeat himself considering he and the band have been on quite a hot streak since their 2006 self-titled became the fastest-selling rock debut in Soundscan history. 2009's Leave This Town gave them their second consecutive No. 1 on the Billboard Top 200, while Break The Spell reached gold status in merely four weeks of release in 2011. Throughout, they achieved four No. 1 smashes at radio as well as four Grammy Award nominations and four American Music Awards wins. Meanwhile, sales exceeded 7.5 million albums and 17 million singles. Nevertheless, as an artist/band, they chose to evolve for both themselves and their fans.
In between a hectic touring schedule, Chris would fly to Los Angeles for in-studio sessions with Johnson and Hollander or Kelly.
"As fans of the band, they would do things that I normally wouldn't do, and that's why it was so exciting. I was much more open to explore a new style of writing with this album. Whether it was on keyboard, piano, or even banjo in some cases, the soundscape really felt alive. We'd write a song together and cut the vocals right then and there to capture that energy. It happened so quickly. We didn't need to overthink anything. The magic was there."
It's easy to hear, feel, and even see that magic on the first single "Waiting for Superman." Electronics glimmer along with a soft acoustic guitar strum and resounding piano as a cinematic tale unfolds in orchestral pop fashion. It instantly takes flight with one of the vocalist's most powerful hooks yet and an inspiring story.
"It was never about a superhero per se," he reveals. "It’s about waiting for that someone in your life to step up and be what you need in that moment as a ‘rock’ or ‘strength.’ I've heard it so many times. I chose one of the biggest pop culture archetypes out there because it can mean many different things. I love the image of a girl waiting for someone to save her. Personally, it stems from my own experiences with my teenage daughter and wife. They were my muses."
The track "Battleships," sails into new territory. An immersive beat bounces along with the warm production as he delivers an irresistible anthem meant for arenas. In order to test this fresh flavor, he ran it by his toughest critics.
He smiles, "My parents love our music, but they're mainly into country. After I played them 'Battleships,' I expected my dad to say, 'Well, that's different!' Instead, he looked at me and said, 'Man, that's a hit!'
The lyrics find him veering down an uncharted lane as well. "It's not a breakup song—which we've been the ambassadors for over the past six years," Daughtry chuckles. "It's about butting heads with the one you love. You don't want to fight, but it happens. You're both going to stand your ground, but you're really fighting for each other."
Perhaps the most shining example of Chris’ evolution is the rollicking and raucous "Long Live Rock & Roll". Acoustic guitar and banjo charge forward at full steam as he name checks everyone from Elton John and Billy Joel to Mötley Crüe and Guns 'N Roses, even lamenting "Van Hagar" in the process.
"It was so far out of my normal comfort zone," he says. "Everything has always been so serious in the past, but rock 'n' roll is meant to be fun. I wanted to cut loose and have a good time. We went places I'd never been musically."
At the same time, the kinetic "I'll Fight" brandishes a youthful vibrancy, while the title track, “Baptized,” builds from a Western-style dobro hum into a bombastic refrain. In many ways, the title encapsulates Chris’ ethos completely.
"I always wanted to call the album Baptized, because it felt like a new chapter," he declares. "It's a bold statement."
He's ready to proclaim that statement in front of packed venues around the world alongside longtime bandmates Josh Paul [bass], Brian Craddock [guitar], Josh Steely [guitar], Robin Diaz [drums] and new addition Elvio Fernandes [keyboards]. Outside of music, he continues to give back to various charities. He even holds an ambassadorship with DC Comics’ We Can Be Heroes campaign, fighting hunger in underdeveloped countries.
At the end of the day, Baptized certainly signals a rebirth for Chris and the band. "I want fans to keep an open mind about it," he concludes. "The songs are very much what I do lyrically and melodically. I've always been a sucker for a great melody. That's what songwriting is all about. Can people relate to this? Is it real? Is it honest? That's what everyone should take away. It's real and authentic. This is where I am right now."
Nikon F5
Nikon 50mm f1.8
Kodak Portra 160
Recently I've been overthinking everything that I'm shooting and it has become very frustrating. I've become less satisfied with my work. With film it's hard not to do it. So this is my attempt at not overthinking and just uploading things the way i saw it.
Yotsuba & happiness seemed a good match. I considered quotes about happiness and other oblique approaches to this week’s theme, but ultimately had to keep it simple. If you overthink happiness, it’s gone.
- - - - -
Created for this week’s Toy Sunday theme, “Happiness”.
Explored on July 20, 2018. See bighugelabs.com/flickr/scout.php
It is the year 1967. A glove marches through the hot heat of the jungle, determined to reach the end of it and be welcomed back into civilization. As it marches, it changes, becoming a chipmunk? or a squirrel?
Made with an old tan glove and the book Happy Gloves by Miyako Kanamori.
In the book, it was called a chipmunk, but I couldn't find any squirrel crochet patterns, so I decided to pass this off as a squirrel instead. I think it's close enough that if you don't overthink it, it could be a squirrel...
Edited using the 1960's tool in Picnik
I have not given much of an update abut my mental health lately, so I figure maybe my 55th birthday is as good of a day as any to mention it again. It has been a while since I hit rock bottom and even longer than that since I discovered rock bottom had a basement. I had a few bad weeks recently. Nothing too bad and it only merited a few vaquebook posts from me. This feeling comes and goes and I expect it always will.
My anxiety has been mostly up and not really down lately. Some of this is because of Trump and Musk's new DOGE initiative and the effect it could have on my Social Security. This is not a political post, but the anxiety I feel over what is going on in Washington is very real and has possible real world implications for me and others like me. Maybe for you or somon you know, too.
I am fine with egg prices. I like to make jokes about buying eggs and I point out the “day one” comments that someone was making while campaigning for the presidency and how on Actual Day One, he stopped talking about egg prices only to later suggest we shut up about them. I bought a dozen eggs for $8.09 recently and did the math. That comes up to 67 cents per egg. I like to fry up three eggs and put cheese on them. I call it a poor man's omelet, but it's really a lazy man's omelet. Not including the price of the cheese, that's basically two dollars and change for breakfast. So that carton f eggs I just bought easily gets me four breakfast meals. (Although it's sometimes afternoon when I eat the meal.) The cup of coffee I drink with it is probably more expensive but for whatever reason, the eggs were grabbing everyone's attention for awhile late last year.
About Social Security, I tried to get a replacement card online the other day because I constantly lose any ID I have. (Yes, I have lost it again after my issues last year getting it in time for my trip on Amtrak.) Well, you probably know what happened. I can no longer do this online. I have to go to an office to get a new card now. The nearest office is in Columbia about twenty miles away. I don't drive, as you know. I know I can get a ride there. I just hate to ask for them. And then there is no way to know what kind of circus the office may be. You can do less online or on the phone (because “fraud.” OK, that was a little political.) But then they turn around and layoff or fire the people who could help you in the office which is certain to be busier now than before.
I spent a little more money at the end of last year than I normally do and it has been taking me a little longer to get it built back up. I used to at least have a few hundred dollars left over every month, but not anymore. A few months later, January, I think, I found I had some month left at the end of my money, the first time that had happened in several years and only the second time since I moved out of my last apartment when I realized I could no longer afford to live there. I was mortified though. I did not go without anything, really. I just had to wait until my disability went in on the third to spend any money. This is another month where I am pinching pennies at the end. I have lost more weight and need to buy shorts that actually fit now. My size 34 pants are too loose and even a belt does not keep my size 36s up anymore. So I need some 32s in my waist shorts. I never thought I'd be here again especially when I was needing size 40 in the waist until I decided to start eating less, but that is beside the point. (That was around 1997.)
But I don't have much of a cushion in the bank for when something happens to Social Security. The money goes on on the third. When I wake up that morning, I Cash App my housemate my share of the rent for the rest f that month. If the Social Security does not go in one month, or goes in late, there is no rent money for my housemates on the day it is due. It should not be on them to support me while politicians on any side of the aisle play fast and loose with money we all put int the system a long time ago. I call it abject anxiety. It is anxiety squared though I suck at math so maybe I just said something that makes no sense.
My phone would be the next to go. And I know a lot of people say don't have a smart phone if you are on disability. But it is 2025 now and we live in a world where you need to be connected electronically. I can access my bank account online and until recently I could get a replacement Social security card online, too. Besides, we don't have a landline here. The last time I had a landline was 2004. We got rid of it because Comporium sucked. If you live or lived in my neck of the woods, you understand why someone might have wanted to get as far away from Comporium as possible. They are the owner of all things cable and telephone where I am from. Ironically, they also owned the TV station I worked at back then. I hated that company. Not the TV station, not anyone at the TV station. Just the corporate owner of the TV station, but I digress.
My depression has been somewhat better lately as I wrote. Binging “Dateline” episodes and listening to a lot of music has helped. Listening to a lot of newer music lately has actually helped tremendously. Or more so not listening to the same music that I have been listening to for the last thirty years. Sundance tells me two of my most listened to acts last week was the iconic blues man Lightin' Hopkins whom I would like to be when I grow up and contemporary rapper NF, two very different musical acts from different eras. But pardon me as I am getting off subject.
Here's the dirty little secret they don't tell you bout bi polar. There are a few of them actually. One is that bipolar is not curable. You don't wake up one day and find you no longer have or are bi polar. Hopefully you find the right medication and find coping methods through therapy. Oh, but therapists are hard to find now. It has taken me three or more years and I just found one to replace the one who told me he used to be in a cult. It came out of left field when we were mentioning Christianity. I don't know why he told me or what he meant. But I couldn't see him again after that. Maybe I was wrong.
They also do not tell you that bi polar often gets worse as you age. Sometimes the mania can increase and the depression can get worse. This basically means your highs are higher and your lows are lower. Some people develop treatment resistance symptoms. My previous psych suggested we may want to look into the possibility my depression was treatment resistant as we had trouble finding the right medication for me. Even now, sometimes I drop off a cliff into a depressive episode when I am on my meds. One day I am mostly fine and the next day I am in a deep, dark hole that I am positive I will never escape hoping I develop untreatable cancer or get hit by a car waiting to photograph a train.
Here's the thing. Experts know it takes more than one way to treat mental illness. Yes, there are meds. But it is not an exact science. One med will work great with one person and cause another one to gain a hundred pounds in six months. There is a lot of weight gain with some medications and it can bring about a serious depression by itself. I mentioned gaining weight and almost needing to go up to a size 40 waist. I was eating more then and was more sedentary as well. But I also on Lithium at the time. (“I'm so happy/'cos today I find my friends/they're in my head...”) I was about to be 250 pounds, the heaviest I had ever been, but my doctor eventually took me off of the Lithium. Weight gain is probably the leading reason why some people stop taking mental illness medications.
But there are other methods of treating mental illness. One that my last doctor brought up pretty quickly was ketamine infusion treatment. She suggested I do a search on it and see what I thought. I knew her company was a believer in ketamine treatment and had a write-up on it on their website, but I appreciated the suggestion that I do my own search because using Google I got a wide variety of opinion on it from best thing ever to absolutely not.
Research told me it was said to be very helpful with both treatment resistant depression as well as anxiety. I have both really bad, but it seems like I do not mention anxiety nearly as much as my depression or that when I do, it's the image of Robert Hayes sweating in “Airplane” and I am talking about having to make a phone call for chuckles. It's my way of saying I hate making or taking phone calls, but it's not really a joking matter. I can watch a call coming in from someone I really need to talk to and let it go to voice mail even though it's a totally innocuous call that would wrap up in three to five minutes. But now I have decided not to take it knowing now I'll have to listen to or read the voice mail and then have to call them back adding to the anxiety which could have been largely avoided by jut picking up the dang phone.
Anxiety can rear it's ugly head in other ways, too. Some of them can be rather insidious. It often keeps me up at night going over scenarios that may never happen. I often believe people have a problem with me for some reason and go about trying to decide what the problem is and what I can do to change it. It keeps me up at night. A lot of times I stay up until I can barely keep my head up in hopes that when I roll over in bed, I will drift right off to sleep. This does not seem to work too often.
It often makes me irritable, tense or on edge. I might appear to be nervous or jumpy. I may have sweat running down my face in situations where no one else is sweating. I will have a sense of impending doom or panic. Sometimes while riding in a car, I have a constant fear or almost a premonition that we are about to wreck in the most unimaginable way possible. On night last week I starting believing I was going to die in my sleep if I went to sleep that night. I am not sure what I was worried about since I am almost always passively suicidal. I imagined a person I used to be close to comforting me in what I was sure was my last hours.
I have seen anxiety defined as an intense, excessive, and persistent worry and fear about everyday situations. That seems to be a very succinct way to explain what I feel more days than not. Then there are the days when the anxiety becomes physical symptoms. It can make me tired and sleepy. But usually it gives me a severe stomach ache. I used to think my stomach aches were because of the way I ate and there may be some truth to that. But I actually believe most of them are caused by my anxiety.
Back to the ketamine treatment after that detour down Anxiety Way. I was liking what I was reading abut the treatment. Then it dawned on me none of this research really meant a thing if my insurance would not cover it. Well, crap. My insurance wouldn't cover it. I cannot remember the reasoning, but it was a new consideration for treatment at the time and there are several known adverse reactions that some can have including addiction to it, memory loss and dizziness. That is why you have to go to an office for the infusion and then stay there for a few hours afterwards while the staff keeps an eye on you. Depending on the prescribed treatment, you may have to go in for twice weekly infusions.
Now I find I may need to do more research. Google is telling me there are some cases where Medicare may pay for it or at least some of it if not most of it. One requirement is that you must have been on at least four anti-depressants that did not work for you. Bingo. I'm already there. I just want to stop hurting. I want to stop telling myself I suck and no one loves me. I want to stop feeling like I deserve every awful thing that has happened to me over the last ten years. I wnt to stop feeling like a burden to everyone aruind me.
I want to stop the insidious overthinking and worrying over every possible scenario that will probably never happen in the first place. I want to stop jumping out of my skin every time I get a phone call. I want to be able to concentrate one thing I am doing at a time instead of having twenty tabs open writing in an Oiffce document at the same time I am working on an edit of an old photograph in Photoshop Elements while looking at Facebook in Chrome and on a message board in Edge while listening to Leonard Cohen on Spotify and watching a game on ESPN. This is usually my life.
Sometimes my randomness works really well for me. I mentioned having ideas for a poem coming to me so fast last week that I was actually writing it down in reverse order because that was how it was coming to me. In school, I loved writing essays and book reports. The thoughts would come to me and I knew that was something for the end of the report while the next thought I had was for the middle of the report. That's basically non-linear editing in TV news but it was 1982 and I had no idea I'd eventually work in TV news or what non-linear editing was.
Sometimes it doesn't work out so well. Sometimes it is like my mind is a traffic system and none of the lights are synced up right and absolutely no traffic is moving. Like the dispatching center that coordinates the railroad that is my mind is offline and all trains are stopped and blocking every road in downtown Chester. It's nothing but mass congestion and utter confusion. I just sit there staring blankly at nothing willing my mind to clear up. If I am trying to clean up, the room always gets messier before it gets better. There is a quote about clutter that I was trying to find, but I ran across this one instead. “Clutter in your physical surroundings will clutter your mind and spirit.” That is true and you should see the pile of absolute crap I have on one side of my bed.
But I also believe the opposite is at least as true is not more true. “Clutter in your mind and spirit will clutter your physical surroundings as well.” My mind is always on speed dial running through the files I store in it for that one morsel of wisdom or a memory just out of reach. I don't think you can have one and not the other. My mind is full of clutter I cannot control. I actually think I am a little manic right now. Thoughts are coming a mile a minute and I am trying like hell to get them all down. Editing will be a must to correct fast typing mistakes and my thoughts tripping over my sentences. Then I remembered I basically described this in a poem I wrote several years ago although I did not realize this at the time
From that file deep inside my memory vault
Hidden in the house that is my mind
Through a maze of darkened hallways
A young man I never was
And the man I'll never be
Sit at a long table
Rows upon rows of filing cabinets
A library of novels inspired by days spent together
A love affair on 35 mm film
For easy retrieval on sleepless nights
A lifetime in a moment
And I knew
And I saw what could be
Etched on paper
Stored on microfilm
An analog memory in the digital age
I wrote most of this, the snippet of the poem notwithstanding early this morning. The plan was to edit it and then post it, but suddenly I could barely keep my eyes open. I put it off to the side until this evening when I got my laptop back out and started fixing the typos. Oh, an there typos! Then I started crying out f the blue. No reason, no trigger. I'm old now. This is what I do. My best years are behind me. I am waiting to die. Another thing they do not tell you about bipolar is that people who have it die on average six years sooner than those without it. Between it and my diabetes, I probably have a pretty short life in front of me. I probably will not live as long as my dad. I'm good with that.
Props to anyone who read all of this. I'm sorry. I should mention the selfie. It's not me. Not exactly. I used a selfie that really was me and took it through an AI program. AI Joe looks a lot better than RL Joe and has better teeth, LOL! But since it is AI, I cannot put it in any photography groups. I took the original shot with my camera, so it's not an iPhone shot either.
The actual photograph is currently my Flicky profile shot.
I spent over 3 hours looking through old journals today. It's interesting to see how I've grown & changed over the past several years.
(So you know how old I was when I wrote these - I was born in April 1992.)
February 1998: I just had a big argument with mom! I still love mom though.
March 1998: I am having fun! You know why? It's a secret. ...Oh alright! Because I have my front teeth both out!
January 2000: We are in Jamaica! 5 & a half hours from home. People are very poor here.
June 2000: Dear Tooth Fairy - If you are smart you will find my tooth. Please leave a useful present with/instead of money. Thanks! -Kate.
January 2004: Ohmyphorkingtapdancingoh. Crap. Oh no. Anything but this. Edward, my fantasy hottie, my brainwashingly delicious sweetie-pie, the reason for my existence, has QUIT CHOIR. I will nevereverever see him again. When I got home, I called Jamie. Told her my life was over. She agreed. (Oh so helpful.)
March 2004: Dear Diary - I like Josh. Not a serious "like," just a regular friendly "like." He sits next to me at school. It's rawkin'.
January 2005: I have nothing to live for. I'm not pretty, not talented, my family hates me, my friends hate me, I have the emotional maturity of a 5-year-old... Need I go on? Diary, I wish you could console me, & eat with me at lunch, & protect me from people's harsh words. I'm just beginning to realize that the world is an awful place & that a person like me doesn't belong here. I don't know where I belong, just that it's definitely not here.
April 2006: Sometimes it all builds up & I just want to sleep forever. Sleep is a safe place & sometimes it is the only one.
July 2006: Astrology puts everything into a nice, easy-to-understand order. I don't like Aquarians. I fall in love with Virgos. I am a stubborn, loyal Taurus. Everything works as it should.
August 2006: I have to get rid of these awful mind-numbing romantic delusions. They will outdo my actual love life & leave me unsatisfied, angry, & confused. I am not even pretty! Why do I insist on having such wild, ridiculous, unrealistic fantasies?! They are not a good thing, at least not for someone like me.
June 2007: Many of my friends are desperate for boyfriends. They feel they would be happier with a boy in their lives. Oddly, I have no interest in high school boys. High school boys don't bring you soup when you're sick, or stroke your hair, or take you out for romantic hillside night picnics, or ask you to marry them. They like computers & the Beatles; very few of them like Sondheim or blueberry scones. I guess I'm desperate for a boyfriend too, but not the kind my friends want.
June 2007: I'm not sexy. There's no way. I eat peanut butter sandwiches, I weigh 144 lbs, I wear my damp hair in a giant bun on top of my head, I listen to the Backstreet Boys, my face is often shiny, my eyeliner is often bumpy. Yet someone in this world finds me attractive. Oy. Really? Are you sure?
September 2007: The boy from science class, despite being totally ADD & obnoxiously talkative, has somehow wormed his way into my heart. He smells bad, steals stickynotes from my pencil case, kicks my leg to get my attention, & pisses off my friends, but he's just so charmingly unusual.
October 2007: I am so happy lately! Ridiculously, unreasonably, cartoonishly happy! I don't know the entire reason for it - is true happiness ever defined by a single event? - but I refuse to overthink it. I am a good person; I deserve to love myself, & I absolutely deserve to be happy.
October 2007: As I continually remind myself, there is a benefit to any choice. Fate always plays out as it should, & we can learn from any experience if we are determined to do so - which I am.
December 2007: Is my problem that I expect instantaneous intimacy with everyone & so I get weepy when I don't get it from someone I like? It's so easy for me to share secrets & bare myself to people I barely know, & I guess it's harder for other people.
January 2008: It's frustrating how I can have so damn much in common with a person, & feel so strongly that we "click" (which is such a rare thing in this life, rare & precious & perhaps the finest thing life has to offer), & yet because of a few select differences or circumstances, we're not quite able to connect the way we ought to.
February 2008: I'm not going to provide any context for this, because it would only make it less funny, but Kaiya just said, "Let's say I got raped by a hamster."
Daughtry
Magazzini Generali - Milano
13 Marzo 2014
Chris Daughtry - Vocals
Josh Paul - Bass
Brian Craddock - Guitar
Josh Steely - Guitar
Robin Diaz - Drums
Elvio Fernandes - Keyboard
Ph.Mairo Cinquetti
When the time arrived to make his fourth full-length studio album, Baptized, Chris Daughtry followed his instincts.
Motivated by intensely creative writing sessions with the likes of Martin Johnson [Boys Like Girls], Sam Hollander [Gym Class Heroes, Coheed and Cambria] and Claude Kelly [Bruno Mars, Whitney Houston], the singer, songwriter and musician quickly discovered the direction of his latest body of work.
"I needed a change," he admits. "I started hearing these new sounds over my voice, and it was so inspiring. There wasn't just one style either. It was a completely different vibe all around. I really wanted to pursue that to the fullest. This is probably one of the most inspiring records I've ever done."
In early 2013, Chris began working on what would eventually become Baptized. Early on, he made a conscious decision to approach the album from a different angle. It would've been too easy for him to simply repeat himself considering he and the band have been on quite a hot streak since their 2006 self-titled became the fastest-selling rock debut in Soundscan history. 2009's Leave This Town gave them their second consecutive No. 1 on the Billboard Top 200, while Break The Spell reached gold status in merely four weeks of release in 2011. Throughout, they achieved four No. 1 smashes at radio as well as four Grammy Award nominations and four American Music Awards wins. Meanwhile, sales exceeded 7.5 million albums and 17 million singles. Nevertheless, as an artist/band, they chose to evolve for both themselves and their fans.
In between a hectic touring schedule, Chris would fly to Los Angeles for in-studio sessions with Johnson and Hollander or Kelly.
"As fans of the band, they would do things that I normally wouldn't do, and that's why it was so exciting. I was much more open to explore a new style of writing with this album. Whether it was on keyboard, piano, or even banjo in some cases, the soundscape really felt alive. We'd write a song together and cut the vocals right then and there to capture that energy. It happened so quickly. We didn't need to overthink anything. The magic was there."
It's easy to hear, feel, and even see that magic on the first single "Waiting for Superman." Electronics glimmer along with a soft acoustic guitar strum and resounding piano as a cinematic tale unfolds in orchestral pop fashion. It instantly takes flight with one of the vocalist's most powerful hooks yet and an inspiring story.
"It was never about a superhero per se," he reveals. "It’s about waiting for that someone in your life to step up and be what you need in that moment as a ‘rock’ or ‘strength.’ I've heard it so many times. I chose one of the biggest pop culture archetypes out there because it can mean many different things. I love the image of a girl waiting for someone to save her. Personally, it stems from my own experiences with my teenage daughter and wife. They were my muses."
The track "Battleships," sails into new territory. An immersive beat bounces along with the warm production as he delivers an irresistible anthem meant for arenas. In order to test this fresh flavor, he ran it by his toughest critics.
He smiles, "My parents love our music, but they're mainly into country. After I played them 'Battleships,' I expected my dad to say, 'Well, that's different!' Instead, he looked at me and said, 'Man, that's a hit!'
The lyrics find him veering down an uncharted lane as well. "It's not a breakup song—which we've been the ambassadors for over the past six years," Daughtry chuckles. "It's about butting heads with the one you love. You don't want to fight, but it happens. You're both going to stand your ground, but you're really fighting for each other."
Perhaps the most shining example of Chris’ evolution is the rollicking and raucous "Long Live Rock & Roll". Acoustic guitar and banjo charge forward at full steam as he name checks everyone from Elton John and Billy Joel to Mötley Crüe and Guns 'N Roses, even lamenting "Van Hagar" in the process.
"It was so far out of my normal comfort zone," he says. "Everything has always been so serious in the past, but rock 'n' roll is meant to be fun. I wanted to cut loose and have a good time. We went places I'd never been musically."
At the same time, the kinetic "I'll Fight" brandishes a youthful vibrancy, while the title track, “Baptized,” builds from a Western-style dobro hum into a bombastic refrain. In many ways, the title encapsulates Chris’ ethos completely.
"I always wanted to call the album Baptized, because it felt like a new chapter," he declares. "It's a bold statement."
He's ready to proclaim that statement in front of packed venues around the world alongside longtime bandmates Josh Paul [bass], Brian Craddock [guitar], Josh Steely [guitar], Robin Diaz [drums] and new addition Elvio Fernandes [keyboards]. Outside of music, he continues to give back to various charities. He even holds an ambassadorship with DC Comics’ We Can Be Heroes campaign, fighting hunger in underdeveloped countries.
At the end of the day, Baptized certainly signals a rebirth for Chris and the band. "I want fans to keep an open mind about it," he concludes. "The songs are very much what I do lyrically and melodically. I've always been a sucker for a great melody. That's what songwriting is all about. Can people relate to this? Is it real? Is it honest? That's what everyone should take away. It's real and authentic. This is where I am right now."