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I bought this for a special occasion. It was a lovely time which is now behind me.

 

I know I should think positively but it's difficult to believe that I will ever have the occasion to wear this again. And I know I'm not the first people to feel this way. "You'll get it over it." Will I? It sure has been a while now and I'm still not over it, really. Sometimes I like to THINK I am over it but I don't think I really am. I'm still checking email frequently hoping to find a message from him. I still think about him all the time.

 

I do try to look forward in a positive light. I do tell myself that there MAY come a day when I wear this again. And sometimes, I imagine that day is soon. But, my god, the notion of letting go is so scary. I never wanted to say goodbye. I'm beginning to understand that, for my own well-being, I MUST say goodbye. I must acknowledge that it's over. I'm scared. I want happiness and I think I know the next step in the path to get there. I've pushed it away for months and months now. How can I possibly let go?!

 

Something internal is shifting. I can feel it. Two steps forward, one step back. I have to remember to be patient with myself.

 

www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdGnQm43yHg

Waiting on line for food, audience members discuss what it means to have the mindset of an American.

 

Photo by: Lori Fernald Khamala

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