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I bought this for a special occasion. It was a lovely time which is now behind me.
I know I should think positively but it's difficult to believe that I will ever have the occasion to wear this again. And I know I'm not the first people to feel this way. "You'll get it over it." Will I? It sure has been a while now and I'm still not over it, really. Sometimes I like to THINK I am over it but I don't think I really am. I'm still checking email frequently hoping to find a message from him. I still think about him all the time.
I do try to look forward in a positive light. I do tell myself that there MAY come a day when I wear this again. And sometimes, I imagine that day is soon. But, my god, the notion of letting go is so scary. I never wanted to say goodbye. I'm beginning to understand that, for my own well-being, I MUST say goodbye. I must acknowledge that it's over. I'm scared. I want happiness and I think I know the next step in the path to get there. I've pushed it away for months and months now. How can I possibly let go?!
Something internal is shifting. I can feel it. Two steps forward, one step back. I have to remember to be patient with myself.
Waiting on line for food, audience members discuss what it means to have the mindset of an American.
Photo by: Lori Fernald Khamala
I've been doing a lot of "looking back" lately. So, this was an appropriate & well-timed theme this past week. I had several general, very vague ideas about this theme but no idea how to convey them. This was another week of me finding my grounding so not much time dedicated to this project... until last night. Finally, I decided what I wanted to do. Today I had time to play with different ways to shoot it & process it.
This is "looking back" to the selfie project last year. I believe that week was "freedom." For me, that meant trying to free myself from the negative thoughts going through my head. While I still struggle with these issues, I have made progress so I'm breaking away trying not to "look back," except to remember how far I've come.