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I've said it before, and I'll say it again: 3 months old is the hardest age to work with!! This little cutie was smiley and happy at first, but quickly got too tired - and didn't want to have any more pictures taken :(
Many of you know Ive been through hard times lately. Most of you don't know all that it entails.
I was in a very very very dark relationship. I won't go into all the details but it was very dark sick and disturbed. It wasn't until I saw a documentary about a man who killed a few of his wife's and his patterns of behavior that I finally realized I couldn't ignore my stomach any longer.
Today I know I was such a lonely person to have been able to marry a man I was never attracted to and never loved. How lonely and sad was I to have been able to do it.
Packing up my home and all my stuff before leaving the country I remember folding up my wedding dress and bursting into tears. I thought being married would be it. Would mean I made it across the horribly cold and cruel ocean. Everyone said I was a beautiful bride. I just remember being miserable feeling ugly and being embarrassed of him….
Then I fell pregnant. I don't even get how as we would never have sex. I mean the sex was terrible. And by him trying to control me and make me an emotional mess he wouldn't have sex with me with the most ridiculous reasons. And I felt so pathetic having to complain about it when I hated sleeping with him in the first place. But he always said if we cheat or get divorced one of us will die. So.. I was constantly scared.
He got me pregnant when he started to realize I was onto all his lies and stories. I constantly asked questions and would display disbelief at everything he said, Especially when it started to be against my family.
The doctor said I have a very big fyroid in my uterus and that it could affect the baby and that I have to stay calm and still for the first trimester as to not abort. My husband would come home everyday and pick fights with me about made up stories just to make me upset. I would cry for hours and he would scream at me "Look at what your family is doing to you !!"
As I said, I was in a very dark place.
I didn't care anymore about what people think. I finally realized I could hate myself so much and hate my life so much to choose to live in a dumpster, but what has this baby done to deserve to be born in one? And what do i want to teach this human about life? If Im too scared to live it.
This pregnancy woke me up in ways I never thought I would wake up.
I was victimizing myself my entire life and I wasn't gonna do that as a mother.
I packed up my things in the middle of the night and slept on the sofa.
In the morning he called me to the room…His breath stank so badly as he would never (ever) brush his teeth. I remember pulling away, The entire room smelled of his stench. He asked me to kiss him I think and I said no and just stared at him blankly. "Whats the matter now?" he asked " I can't believe a word that comes out of your mouth anymore and I will not live like that! You have one last chance to tell me the truth or its over."
He started screaming at me of course ,I left to the lounge waited quietly for him to leave the house as his driver was down stairs. He screamed until he walked out of the door and then I called a taxi with all my things in plastic bags and left.
4 days later I packed the house up while he was in Italy. And the day after the trucks came I had an abortion.
The next time I saw him was 2 weeks later at the divorce court.
That same night I left the country and I can't even bare to think about going back.
My due date was the 24th of this month. As the date comes closer it itches at my skin and burns on my cheeks as a tear falls down.
Its not a sadness about motherhood. Its a sadness of a fantasy. I thought being married and pregnant is the end of all loneliness and hardships. I thought reaching something that always seemed out of reach would bring happiness.
Today I have myself and I own my life like I never did before.
And I thank him for showing me how to set my self free of that dumpster.
I have no doubt I will be a mother one day, But now I know it can't come at any price. And if I go after the right thing for the wrong reasons it will crumble to pieces.
I still haven't found my inspiration for new work. That is something he was killing off in me and its still struggling to wake up. But I will not rest until its back.
I am now 9 months after the worst I have ever experienced and its time to wake up, Forgive, smile, and Love.
May 23 Daily photos taken on Phone and edited on Phone in Snapseed each day. Bar top left, photo taken on the day but didn't edit or upload it on the day.
Yes, yesterday (May 1) I've had this guy for six months. It's crazy! Fjäder was my second BJD and is the sole reason I've ever dared and developed within this hobby. He was my first to restring, the first to face up, the first to modify by sanding and the first to chip (I'm so sorry, Fjäder ;__;). I'm so happy I got him, I'm so happy he's mine, and there will never be another one like Fjäder in my home, that's one for certain ;3
Southeastern Pennsylvania Transportation Authority (SEPTA) Type K LRV no. 9046 (Kawasaki, 1981-1982) is seen at the Yeadon Loop on Route 13. The trolley was decorated for Black History Month by its operator, a practice encouraged by SEPTA but funded by the trolley operators.n
I'm actually remembering to dig out the camera again!
Two people sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the boat. No surprise - it sank, again proving you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Please, read my profile, leave a comment - or visit my website!
SVP, commenter ou lire mon profil, ou visiter mon page sur Web!
It's really difficult to believe Lu has been gone for six whole months already. The time without her has seemed too long yet fast all at once. We all really miss her very much still. Whenever there's a tornado warning and we have to run, I grab her fur and her favorite toy and bring them with us. She was such a special and wonderful girl. Katie definitely still seems to miss Lu a lot, too. Six months. *sigh*
The red line at lower left represents the passage of a cohort of sky traversing humans on a jet bound for somewhere on this spinning globe ... I wonder if they peeked from their skyship's portholes to see the lights raging above them ...
Can you identify this bridge?
Visit www.bridgeink.com and enter the monthly quiz. Just for the fun of it.
Another dull sunrise on the mountain today so here’s another look at August 15th’s. Like I said earlier, it’s been a good month (for summer).
From the overlook at Monte Sano State Park in Huntsville, Alabama.
Nikon D7500 — Nikon 18-300mm F6.3 ED VR
170mm
F8@1/125th
ISO 400
GND Filter
DSB_2990.JPG
©Don Brown 2024
That was an awfully long time for me to go between flights, but I finally off to Colorado for vacation!
長嶋りかこ，最年輕的JAGDA新人獎得主。在博報堂任佐野研二郎助理期間，逐步確立了個人職涯。替麒麟啤酒設計包裝、為原宿Laforet製作廣告；在長嶋看來，日本設計雖仍蓬勃，但也出現了一些窘境。"儘管東京人下班後仍瘋狂購物，但其所帶來的滿足感正逐漸衰退。不再有幸福感，那個時代似乎已然結束了。
Previous to bouncing around town, a deejay smackdown, drinks with pals and finishing off with drag at the queer bar!
Avant de rebondir dans la ville, un deejay claque, boit avec des copains et finit avec du drag au bar fifi!
Please, read my profile, or leave a comment.
SVP commentez ou lisez mon profil (en francais aussi!).
20/40
Explored- highest position #282!
i finally got it to work (:
i had to shorten it a ton though, so it doesn't include all of the pictures i took
but i put in some of my favorite photoshoots
and i think it turned out well (:
i'm hoping to do one for every month
maybe if it turns out well i'll do it every half month so i can include all of the pictures i take
You can find the detailed description in the MP here:
Die ausführliche Beschreibung findest du im MP hier:
Well it's finally done and I somehow survived. I never thought two years ago that I'd be competing in an Iron Builder, but it was a great honor to be able to compete over the past month. It definitely pushed me to create and build faster than I had in the past. I was pretty happy with how many builds I was able to churn out, though I had a few more on my list I wasn't able to get to.
Many thanks to everyone who took the time to comment on my photos throughout the month - your encouragement was what kept me going.
Now it's back to school and away from Lego building. But I'll be watching the SHIPtember madness with much excitement.
Pearl is 5 months old already!
It's weird. I sort of feel like I got gypped out of the puppy stage with Pearl.....at least looks wise!
She never really had that real puppy look like Raven did when she was small.
You know how most puppies go through that gangly stage? Pearl seemed to skip that
For a brief period of time her legs were a little long and lanky, but she's quickly grown into them and her big feet!
Even her face looks like a full grown dog.
Now, at 5 months she looks pretty well proportioned to me.
Good heavens! She's not even 1/2 year old yet, and has a lot more growing to go!
I think she's gonna be a very big girl!
Many African countries and cultures have tragic histories related to colonial times and sad news from today - the two are linked. People's lives are therefore always complicated to say the least, and so we should not judge quickly those in the many diasporas that are underway. My reading for Canadian Black History Month.
www.canada.ca/en/canadian-heritage/campaigns/black-histor...
I don't know what the author is up to lately.
12 Months for Dogs
11 years old on April 6 -- & wasn't she fortunate to celebrate in the aftermath of a little snowstorm! And aren't I fortunate that she is so lively at this age! Celebrating, indeed!