View allAll Photos Tagged HowIFeel
I think I'll find a pair of eyes tonight, to fall into and maybe strike a deal....your body for my soul, fair swap....cause cheap is how I feel.
Sorry about this shot, but I'm finding the sudden loss / departure of my Best Friend extremely hard to adapt to right now. I seriously hope She's doing ok at the moment...
I'll try to post "normal" shots from now on, but I know it will be a long time before I feel normal again... Holes this big are extremely hard to fill, and someone has stolen my shovel... :(
This is something a little different from my norm. I want to try experimenting more and getting some more wildlife shots. I'm fortunate enough to live in a lovely place and I need to make more use of it.
I had to clear my head the other day, so I went for a long walk and grabbed some lovely shots. Hopefully this will be a more frequent occurence.
Oh, and incase you hadn't noticed, I've been through and cleared out my photostream. I've probably deleted about 40 photos. I just wasn't proud of them anymore...
Help support my photography on Facebook! And keep up to date with my projects.
"You hear me talkin', hillbilly boy? I ain't through with you by a damn sight. I'ma get medieval on your ass."
~ Marcellus Wallace
We're Here!: Photographs with Film Quotes
Strobist: AB1600 with gridded 60X30 softbox overhead and behind subjects. AB800 with gridded HOBD-W covered with a lump of orange taffeta forward and below subjects. Triggered by Cybersync.
today you would be three years old. that sounds so strange to me.
my mind wants to picture you this way, as a smiling, rowdy preschooler.
but i can't.
it won't let me.
it's a horrible thing, but it's the way it is.
my memories with you are so limited.
so quickly fading deeper into the past.
but i do remember your skin. your hair. your little arms. your cry. your brown eyes.
i remember you, sweet Henry.
three years ago today was the happiest day of my life. so much excitement, anticipation. i remember the moment you were born so vividly. i was so overcome with emotion that i was crying and laughing all at once, your daddy & i were filled with joy.
then came questions. confusion.
"what do you mean, heart defect?" "but he looks so perfect, so healthy" "what does open heart surgery mean?"
fear gripped us. we shook. we prayed. oh, how we prayed.
there was nothing left to do but wait.
wait and pray. and love you. oh, how we loved you.
for 2 1/2 months we waited. we rode the rollercoaster of ups and downs. progress, then regression. then the downhill spiral that we never saw coming. noone saw coming. finally our answer came.
you were not for us to keep.
such loss.
such pain. unbearable, indescribable, excrutiating pain.
p a i n.
the saying "time heals all wounds" is not true. my wounds are not healed. some days they are numb, like an old scar. other days they are raw and bleeding. yet most days they are in between...aching, just beneath the surface. your little sister is medicine to my wounds, but she cannot heal them. they are part of me. i wouldn't wish them away for anything. they remind me of you, of our love, of the most precious things in this life.
so today i am left wondering.
i wonder what we would have planned for your third birthday. certainly not a visit to the cemetary. we picked out the biggest mylar balloon we could find. a card. a stuffed animal. left on a frozen snow covered grave. knowing you were so close...close enough to touch if only i wanted. yet not there at all.
i wonder what your voice would sound like. what would it sound like to hear you say "i love you".
I wonder what your hair would smell like.
what it would feel like to have you sleeping next to me, your sweet breath on my face, your little hands clinging to my shirt.
i wonder if you would call me "mommy", or "momma" (like your little sister does).
i wonder what you would want most for your third birthday.
i wonder if i'm the only one who wonders. it feels like i am sometimes.
i wonder.
She's so beautifully broken
Shaped by the wind
Dangerously twisted
Here I go again
I see the way she cast her spell
It's like drowning in moonlight
I watch her move from star to star
And I wonder why, why it feels so right
She's so beautifully broken
You can barely see the flaw
Especially from a distance
Which is always how I fall
Why do I fall for the dangerous ones?
The ones that never learned to let go
And why do I lie to myself
And pretend that I can break her
When she's already been so
Beautifully broken
~government mule
Week 2 ~ Our challenge ~ "You in six words ... sure, your life story could fill a thousand pages, but sometimes a few words are ALL YOU NEED."
What a challenge, and obviously I am a bit behind which means this was REALLY challenging. I am sorry that this (for most of you) is a retake on an image already posted, but honestly, the image said exactly what my 6 words were.
A part of Kim's challenge to us was inspired by the Smith Magazine, if you have a minute you may want to check it out, it's really very inspiring.
((again, i apologize for the posting this as public, but had to, to share with our groups that are not flickr connected.)
real holga effects here! I managed to fall over when taking this roll of film and damage it....hence the weird effects....
In the past few days I've said things that I shouldn't have said.
I feel like I've ruined a great friendship.
And I learned I should keep my mouth shut.
But then there are times where I feel like I need to say something.
Like I need to stand up for what I believe.
It doesn't always go to plan, but I can't help it.
Artwork for HOW I FEEL Underground House / Gay Bathhouse Lounge Mix
Valentine's Day Series
EXB Mix 2018.04
MIXCLOUD at www.mixcloud.com/ElvertBarnes/how-i-feel-underground-hous...
Track list at docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vSOA3QxtjQfEDRCUF3675...
Elvert Barnes MIXOLOGY
________________
Photo Details:
Millennium March on Washington for Equality (MMOW) Rally on the National Mall in Washington DC on Sunday afternoon, 30 April 2000 by Elvert Barnes Protest Photography
Event 00.24
Roll 7/12
MMOW Rally 30 April 2000
Visit Elvert Barnes April 2000 MMOW docu-project at elvertbarnes.com/April2000-MMOW.html
Original photo at flic.kr/p/9yjQeZ
This woman, holding up a poster while hiding behind it was standing in front of the Flushing subway station. I'm told that the sign reads,
"Loving one's country does not equal loving the Party.
The Chinese Communist Party is not equal to China"
She is apparently a member of Fulan Gong.
I was so excited about this roll of film. Couldn't wait to get it home, scan it, upload it, and start getting comments. I just knew everyone would ooh and aah over my beautiful film, the pretty colors, all the cool light leaks. Then something happened that changed my world.
I got home, booted up my computer and while my scanner was warming up, I checked my networking and news sites. There was this picture of a sweet smiling young lady. I started to read the article. My excitement instantly evaporated as tears filled my eyes. All thoughts of uploading my film disappeared as I realized how selfish and shallow I had been.
Over the next few days, as I learned more about this beautiful girl, an overwhelming sense of the fragility and preciousness of life came over me. So few of us really stop and think about that on a daily basis, myself included. This event has affected me more than I ever could have imagined. I don't think I'll ever be the same and that's good. I hope it has changed me forever. Made me a better person somehow.
And so this entire roll of film is dedicated to Lucina. Not a day has gone by since your passing that I have not cried. I will think of you for the rest of my life. I never even knew you, but you have made me live a better life. I can't explain it. Thank you and bless you, Lucina, dear sweet child. Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth.
To my contacts, thanks for all your support. You're probably getting sick of these long posts. I'm sorry, but nothing else matters to me right now.
This is a zoom shot taken of a shirt on display in one of the 4th Avenue Shops in Tucson, Arizona. Check out the two buttons! This image is chosen just now for upload because it is how I feel right now. The opposite of TGIF (the title of an image I posted earlier this year to celebrate the end of the work week, seen here.) For those who know me, one of my son's was to move tomorrow into a new group home after over 10 months of living in temporary respite care situations and moving 9 times in this last year. These temporary providers are not supposed to keep disabled clients for more than a few days or weeks at a time. Tomorrow was/is the moving day for his fresh start in a good group home. Yet, at this last minute there is a hold up where he may not be able to move in after all. And we were promised a call on Wednesday to let us know how this would be resolved. It's after 6 pm on Friday and no social worker or management staff has called this family. And now I wonder how they can sleep well and enjoy their weekend off knowing that my son and those who care for him are completely stressed out with no word to go on. We've been told that the agency does not wish to care for my son, but no reason is given. We are told by the government employees that a group home has this right to deny service with no reason given. My son may not be able to move after all, even after the contract for his care was awarded in December and a home procured by that agency. Limbo is NOT a state I do well with. Thus, when I saw this image in my many uploaded from a trip to Tucson last weekend I knew immediately to work on this one and add it to flickr. Grrrrr!
Artwork for HOW I FEEL Underground House / Gay Bathhouse Lounge Mix
Valentine's Day Series
EXB Mix 2018.04
MIXCLOUD at www.mixcloud.com/ElvertBarnes/how-i-feel-underground-hous...
Track list at docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vSOA3QxtjQfEDRCUF3675...
Elvert Barnes MIXOLOGY
________________
Photo Details:
Millennium March on Washington for Equality (MMOW) Rally on the National Mall in Washington DC on Sunday afternoon, 30 April 2000 by Elvert Barnes Protest Photography
Event 00.24
Roll 7/12
MMOW Rally 30 April 2000
Visit Elvert Barnes April 2000 MMOW docu-project at elvertbarnes.com/April2000-MMOW.html
Original photo at flic.kr/p/9yjQeZ
Canon 6D with Sigma 50mm f1.4 Art and 13mm macro extension tube.
Processed with Lightroom 5 and VSCO Film.
Natural light.
Photo A Day: September 11, How I Feel
Panasonic DMC-G1
LUMIX G VARIO 14-45mm/F3.5-5.6 ASPH./MEGA O.I.S.
© Copyright: All rights reserved. Use without permission is illegal
- no graphics in comments please ! -
LISTEN TO: .@RoyWoods - How I Feel (Prod. @producerdzl) | bit.ly/1U9TB3n
#RnBSlaps #NewMusic #HowIFeel bit.ly/1nSrsPT | Plaincut |
I may look normal to most people, but I feel like this most of the time. I have a feeling most gals do.
Two weeks! My GP told me yesterday it can take up to two weeks for the benefits of St John's Wort to come through, but the arsey bit is the side-effects can start immediately. Interestingly, one of the initial side-effects is increased agitation, depression and anxiety; fab news, and how appropriate for an anti-depressant. The doctor told me this wears off pretty quickly (at least I assume she did, I can't remember now), but this goes a long way to explaining why I had to keep running off to the Gents for a good weep in the cubicles on Monday. I started taking them on Saturday, and felt fine over the weekend, but stopped after Monday's experience. The doc recommended I start again with them, which I have, so we'll see how things go today.