June 1, 2022 Subverted Selfie Project Post
June 1, 2022: Hello June. I’m here again, trying to pickup my #subverted #selfie project following the #beyourownbeloved challenge from February. I stalled with that but tried again in May, only making it to May 4, just 1 day longer than I had back in February. On May 5 I had a #breakdown which flatlined my #creativity for the rest of the month as I focused on my #university work: stuff for a course on Creativity & Leadership from the spring; followed by work for an Art History of Graffiti course I’m doing right now.
The theme for the 1st day of the BE YOUR OWN BELOVED challenge centred on taking a first step, but this week the fog of my #depression has socked back into my life. It hurts. I feel the stress clenching my heart, making each #beat tinge with an electric shock. My breathing is #laboured as my mind falls in & out of moments of overwhelm. Yesterday, I managed to make my #bed for the 1st time in months. The smell of clean sheets is comforting.
This morning, I ended up texting with a woman from an online depression group I’m in. She’s going through a rough time, & I talk about monkey mind & quote Natalie Goldberg, Jon-Kabat Zinn. I remind her that she’s not other peoples thoughts of herself. I describe using breath-work to reconnect with the present moment, & journaling to expel negative thoughts. Things I should be doing.
My legs are still beat up. I can feel the pain of a fresh scar as my bare leg runs along the sheets, a scar from a deep scratch that I’m not sure how I got. My feet are dry from running the fan in my room. My tattoo peaks out from the sheets it’s laying on & I wonder what might happen to it should it ever get deeply scratched. Would it be ruined forever?
I end up listening to a March 21, 2021 talk with Natalie Goldberg, where she recalls how her Zen teacher, Katagiri Roshi once said to her about responding to the throws of depression: “…get up & brush your teeth…. Make positive effort for the good… brush your teeth… wash the dishes. Just assert yourself. Make positive effort for the good.”
So just for today, I’ll try just that. To make positive effort for the good.
152/365.
#beyourownbeloved #beyourownbeloved💖 #depressionhelp #depressionawareness #startingover #selflove #selflovejourney #selflove #dailyselfie #dailywriting #subvertedselfies #subvertedselfie #art #photography #sad #depressed
June 1, 2022 Subverted Selfie Project Post
June 1, 2022: Hello June. I’m here again, trying to pickup my #subverted #selfie project following the #beyourownbeloved challenge from February. I stalled with that but tried again in May, only making it to May 4, just 1 day longer than I had back in February. On May 5 I had a #breakdown which flatlined my #creativity for the rest of the month as I focused on my #university work: stuff for a course on Creativity & Leadership from the spring; followed by work for an Art History of Graffiti course I’m doing right now.
The theme for the 1st day of the BE YOUR OWN BELOVED challenge centred on taking a first step, but this week the fog of my #depression has socked back into my life. It hurts. I feel the stress clenching my heart, making each #beat tinge with an electric shock. My breathing is #laboured as my mind falls in & out of moments of overwhelm. Yesterday, I managed to make my #bed for the 1st time in months. The smell of clean sheets is comforting.
This morning, I ended up texting with a woman from an online depression group I’m in. She’s going through a rough time, & I talk about monkey mind & quote Natalie Goldberg, Jon-Kabat Zinn. I remind her that she’s not other peoples thoughts of herself. I describe using breath-work to reconnect with the present moment, & journaling to expel negative thoughts. Things I should be doing.
My legs are still beat up. I can feel the pain of a fresh scar as my bare leg runs along the sheets, a scar from a deep scratch that I’m not sure how I got. My feet are dry from running the fan in my room. My tattoo peaks out from the sheets it’s laying on & I wonder what might happen to it should it ever get deeply scratched. Would it be ruined forever?
I end up listening to a March 21, 2021 talk with Natalie Goldberg, where she recalls how her Zen teacher, Katagiri Roshi once said to her about responding to the throws of depression: “…get up & brush your teeth…. Make positive effort for the good… brush your teeth… wash the dishes. Just assert yourself. Make positive effort for the good.”
So just for today, I’ll try just that. To make positive effort for the good.
152/365.
#beyourownbeloved #beyourownbeloved💖 #depressionhelp #depressionawareness #startingover #selflove #selflovejourney #selflove #dailyselfie #dailywriting #subvertedselfies #subvertedselfie #art #photography #sad #depressed