March 12, 2020 Subverted Selfie Project Post
March 12, 2020: It’s been 0 day(s) since I had an emotional breakdown. And this is going to be the hardest post I’ve written this year.
Today, I went through a powerful Emotion Code session with Don MacPherson at @whitbys_books_and_gifts in White Rock. From what I understand, the Emption Code is an energy healing technique that helps identify and release the trapped emotions of harmful energies each of us accumulates over time, based on our life experiences. Those who follow my feed know I had a psychic reading back in February, and I’ve gone to several sound healing meditations with the amazing @theda.phoenix. Those were all great in helping to ground myself, but the work I did with Don today was extraordinary. Tonight, I feel a lot lighter, and more understanding about my relationship to someone I’ve never talked about publicly before - my biological Mother, Joyce Eileen Johnson (nee Pinchbeck). Joyce is the one you see in the second photograph of this post.
Many of my friends know I’m adopted. I was adopted before birth, and my adopted Father, the late Dr. Han Choo (Hanju) Lee was Joyce’s medical doctor, in charge of my delivery (I’ve always joked that he would have been the first person to ever slap me). And that meant he was likely the first person to ever hold me, and I’ve always taken great solace in knowing that we had that connection. I also know that my adopted Mom, Mrs. Beverly Jean Lee, considers me to be the greatest gift anyone ever gave to her. She’s said many times how grateful she felt that my biological Mother agreed to let her raise me.
But today, I learned how the emotions that an expecting Mother feels while pregnant can be felt by a developing fetus. Especially emotional pain. Using the Emotion Code, Don helped discover that I was dealing with three deep seeded emotions that were blocking what I understand as my heart chakra (the emotion code has a different name for this that I can’t quite remember). And these emotions were all prenatal, meaning they became a part of my being before I was even born.
Specifically, the emotions that were revealed in my reading were: resentment, guilt and unworthiness. As Don did the reading, he referenced a chart of emotions that can be uncovered in a session. And it’s funny because as the location for each group of emotions was revealed I was able to see the list from my seat and know exactly which one he would end up at before he even said it (especially the sense of being unworthy and living with guilt, which I’ve come to also acknowledge as being tied to the doubt I often feel). Resentment though, took me by surprise, as it isn’t one I ever thought of consciously. But it makes sense in respect to what my biological Mother was going through.
Over time, I’ve found that parts of her journey matched parts of my own, especially when it comes to loving myself and by extension, loving others. I’ve long felt unworthy, it’s been an emotion deep within me, as has guilt. And I honestly can’t pinpoint where the guilt comes from. It’s in my depression, and maybe it’s a guilt of just being alive. But what I went through today helped me greatly in releasing the negativity associated with all of these emotions. In many ways, my heart feels free for the first time in my life, as if a weight has been lifted off of it.
Don told after that after the reading was over, I may have moments where my emotions might become overwhelming, and where I might even feel physical pain. And this happened as I drove away, up the steep slope of Oxford Street. Tears started to pour out of me, my heart felt so tight, as though it was going to explode. I thought maybe I was having a heart attack. The crying would not stop, it was a deep sobbing and I felt the tears streaming down my face. By the time I was past Amy old high school, and the entrance to Softball City, I started to look for a place to pull over, and maybe even call 911. But then I started to say: “I’m sorry Mom (speaking to Joyce), I’m so sorry for the pain you went through. I’m sorry and thank you for the life you gave me by having me... but I need to let go of these emotions that are drowning me, so I can have a chance at the happiness I desire...” and in that moment the tears shut off like one might shut off a tap of running water. And in that moment, with what had felt like a fist clenching my heart for most of my life, that fist let go, and my heart felt free, like I could breathe. And I’ve felt great all night, with only the odd pang of negative emotions that had blocked me for so long spitting at my heart one last time. And I feel good. I’m smiling again. I feel like I’m finally finding reverence for myself, a real love for who I am and the possibilities that are in front of me in life. And I’m eager to give that reverence back to the world in a way that’s not contaminated by me not having any love for myself.
Don also started with a tarot reading and I’m glad he did, as it confirmed everything the psychic reading I had almost a month ago had revealed. Some of you closest to me know I did have some doubts about that reading but those are gone now. There’s no way he knew about that reading and it’s results as I revealed nothing to him beforehand about it.
Don also felt that I have a lot of empathy for others, something I’ve known, but again, something I’ve always had doubts about. I’m often guarded with others. But I know now I can trust others, especially those souls that reach out to me with deep reverence. Like the young woman I’ve mentioned here before, reached out to me saying she believed in me, I couldn’t believe it because I didn’t believe in myself. But I’m starting to really believe in myself now. And I think I can say that I honestly do love myself. Things won’t be perfect, life will still throw shit at me, but I feel more ready than ever before to plow through it.
Part of my personal photo project of 2020, to get a different selfie shot of me everyday, photo 72/366.
This was originally posted on Instagram.
#selfies #SubvertedSelfies #Selfies #ThankYou #365SelfieChallenge #365daychallenge #366daychallenge #366selfies 365Selfies2020 #2020Selfies #DailySelfie #LeapYear #DailySelfies
March 12, 2020 Subverted Selfie Project Post
March 12, 2020: It’s been 0 day(s) since I had an emotional breakdown. And this is going to be the hardest post I’ve written this year.
Today, I went through a powerful Emotion Code session with Don MacPherson at @whitbys_books_and_gifts in White Rock. From what I understand, the Emption Code is an energy healing technique that helps identify and release the trapped emotions of harmful energies each of us accumulates over time, based on our life experiences. Those who follow my feed know I had a psychic reading back in February, and I’ve gone to several sound healing meditations with the amazing @theda.phoenix. Those were all great in helping to ground myself, but the work I did with Don today was extraordinary. Tonight, I feel a lot lighter, and more understanding about my relationship to someone I’ve never talked about publicly before - my biological Mother, Joyce Eileen Johnson (nee Pinchbeck). Joyce is the one you see in the second photograph of this post.
Many of my friends know I’m adopted. I was adopted before birth, and my adopted Father, the late Dr. Han Choo (Hanju) Lee was Joyce’s medical doctor, in charge of my delivery (I’ve always joked that he would have been the first person to ever slap me). And that meant he was likely the first person to ever hold me, and I’ve always taken great solace in knowing that we had that connection. I also know that my adopted Mom, Mrs. Beverly Jean Lee, considers me to be the greatest gift anyone ever gave to her. She’s said many times how grateful she felt that my biological Mother agreed to let her raise me.
But today, I learned how the emotions that an expecting Mother feels while pregnant can be felt by a developing fetus. Especially emotional pain. Using the Emotion Code, Don helped discover that I was dealing with three deep seeded emotions that were blocking what I understand as my heart chakra (the emotion code has a different name for this that I can’t quite remember). And these emotions were all prenatal, meaning they became a part of my being before I was even born.
Specifically, the emotions that were revealed in my reading were: resentment, guilt and unworthiness. As Don did the reading, he referenced a chart of emotions that can be uncovered in a session. And it’s funny because as the location for each group of emotions was revealed I was able to see the list from my seat and know exactly which one he would end up at before he even said it (especially the sense of being unworthy and living with guilt, which I’ve come to also acknowledge as being tied to the doubt I often feel). Resentment though, took me by surprise, as it isn’t one I ever thought of consciously. But it makes sense in respect to what my biological Mother was going through.
Over time, I’ve found that parts of her journey matched parts of my own, especially when it comes to loving myself and by extension, loving others. I’ve long felt unworthy, it’s been an emotion deep within me, as has guilt. And I honestly can’t pinpoint where the guilt comes from. It’s in my depression, and maybe it’s a guilt of just being alive. But what I went through today helped me greatly in releasing the negativity associated with all of these emotions. In many ways, my heart feels free for the first time in my life, as if a weight has been lifted off of it.
Don told after that after the reading was over, I may have moments where my emotions might become overwhelming, and where I might even feel physical pain. And this happened as I drove away, up the steep slope of Oxford Street. Tears started to pour out of me, my heart felt so tight, as though it was going to explode. I thought maybe I was having a heart attack. The crying would not stop, it was a deep sobbing and I felt the tears streaming down my face. By the time I was past Amy old high school, and the entrance to Softball City, I started to look for a place to pull over, and maybe even call 911. But then I started to say: “I’m sorry Mom (speaking to Joyce), I’m so sorry for the pain you went through. I’m sorry and thank you for the life you gave me by having me... but I need to let go of these emotions that are drowning me, so I can have a chance at the happiness I desire...” and in that moment the tears shut off like one might shut off a tap of running water. And in that moment, with what had felt like a fist clenching my heart for most of my life, that fist let go, and my heart felt free, like I could breathe. And I’ve felt great all night, with only the odd pang of negative emotions that had blocked me for so long spitting at my heart one last time. And I feel good. I’m smiling again. I feel like I’m finally finding reverence for myself, a real love for who I am and the possibilities that are in front of me in life. And I’m eager to give that reverence back to the world in a way that’s not contaminated by me not having any love for myself.
Don also started with a tarot reading and I’m glad he did, as it confirmed everything the psychic reading I had almost a month ago had revealed. Some of you closest to me know I did have some doubts about that reading but those are gone now. There’s no way he knew about that reading and it’s results as I revealed nothing to him beforehand about it.
Don also felt that I have a lot of empathy for others, something I’ve known, but again, something I’ve always had doubts about. I’m often guarded with others. But I know now I can trust others, especially those souls that reach out to me with deep reverence. Like the young woman I’ve mentioned here before, reached out to me saying she believed in me, I couldn’t believe it because I didn’t believe in myself. But I’m starting to really believe in myself now. And I think I can say that I honestly do love myself. Things won’t be perfect, life will still throw shit at me, but I feel more ready than ever before to plow through it.
Part of my personal photo project of 2020, to get a different selfie shot of me everyday, photo 72/366.
This was originally posted on Instagram.
#selfies #SubvertedSelfies #Selfies #ThankYou #365SelfieChallenge #365daychallenge #366daychallenge #366selfies 365Selfies2020 #2020Selfies #DailySelfie #LeapYear #DailySelfies