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The past, polished to a shine, seems like, those familiar melodies, looming in the distance, sometimes appearing before the eyes, then disappearing again. Those days are full of laughter, touches, events, images and people, seem so far away and at the same time so close.
The native house, already almost erased in the fresh memory, but rooted in once experienced feelings, distant distant but sharp as a blade.
I’ll be back, I’ll be back someday.
What can I even know about myself outside? Is the way I represent myself the real me? If your own voice recorded on tape is strange, alien - what about the pictures that my imagination draws from me, redrawing, perverting my nature, how will he please?
In the process of composing, I create a new self, a new being, the whole world in general.
I am not interested in myself.
I know myself from the inside very well, thoroughly:
to what extent am I a shit, and to what extent is a genius, to what extent is God, and to what extent is it just an abomination.
I am of interest when I become a kind of medium, a conductor.
Mostly when I compose, of course.
Social media didn’t help. I would scroll endlessly, seeing everyone living their best lives. Traveling, dream jobs, falling in love, etc. I just felt like I was at rock bottom, and all I could do was look up at everyone up on the surface, completely content with their lives, floating on.
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My newest series officially premiered last Friday at the @capecoralartcenter , but unfortunately I was absent. This is the final piece shown in my ongoing series titled /men/tal. I want to continue the conversation and produce 5 more photos to complete the series, and curate my first ever solo exhibition show this year. I’m really proud of myself with this series, and I’m energized to work on even more series in the near future!
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To anyone who can relate to these photos currently, I hope you can open up and speak with someone. It feels so good to be on the surface now.
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“Suffocate”, GoPro Hero3, 2022, editioned prints of 2 for sale.
I remember laying in bed for hours, sometimes up to five, just thinking of any and everything. Playing over details of the prior day, constructing illusional scenarios of the future, or just doubting myself in every way. I was a prisoner within my own mind, sinking further and further into the depths of uncertainty.
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And that’s what was scary: I was drowning in plain sight.
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My series /men/tal debuts this Friday at the @capecoralartcenter Headspace exhibition. It was the first in the series that I completed. I wanted every piece (3 in total) to showcase different viewpoints; in this case I settled with a side profile of the model both out of and underwater.
I have never really worked with black and white nor underwater photography, and I am happy that I could challenge myself in both areas. I can't wait to show the final two.
And if you’re reading this, and this image resonates with your current situation, please talk to someone about it. It saved me.