View allAll Photos Tagged sarcasm
In the great British tradition of sarcasm this one is dedicated to all the people out there who are about as much use as a concrete trampoline. So there I was in the studio when I found myself at the top of a ladder and in need of a bit of assistance. It just so happened that a couple of people were visiting at the time to check out a couple of our new pieces and have a beer. Anyway due to my precarious position I didn't bother to turn round when I asked for help as I just thought one of them would hear and come to my aid. No joy. After a further 30 seconds of struggling I could still hear them behind me so I shouted for help this time but still to no avail. After finally downing tools and climbing down I swung round to give these layabouts a piece of my mind when I realised they had headphones on and chatting happily whilst playing Call of Duty. Nice one. Cheers for the assist there...
Cheers
id-iom
Title: Well Handy
Materials: Watercolour pencil, ink, paint pen and pastel
Size: A4 Framed
For Sale £85
Cue the sarcasm of parenthood...
Oh the JOY that fills my heart when I walk into the kitchen to find that a certain tiny person has not only emptied a box of fettuccine on the floor, but also locked himself in the pantry....
Tri-X 400 Rolleiflex Automat (K4B2) 9/27/20
Caffenol-C:
20g Vitamin C - Powder
24g Washing Soda (Sodium Carbonate)
45g Maxwell House Instant Coffee
1 L tap water (~ambient temp)
11 Minutes around 21 C 5 Inversions every 30 sec
Note: Dissolve Vitamin C and Washing Soda thoroughly before adding instant coffee.
Vlog - youtu.be/3uFen9rHAvg
Collies Ledge , Sgurr Alisdair to Sgur Mhic Coinnich
A family holiday in Skye which I was really looking forward to and the first two days were looking superb (weather wise)- how could I resist the pull of my favourite place in the whole wide world – The Black Cuillin??? With family commitments and trying not to lose any brownie points, I set the alarm at 4am, sound in the knowledge that the rest of the family wouldn’t surface till well after 9!! In fact I hoped they wouldn’t know I was gone until at least mid morning!!;) Which would then give me time to get back soon after as if I hadn’t been away at all !! (Please read last bit with a sprinkling of sarcasm ;)).
After arriving at our home for the week, I set about getting my gear ready and I was ready for the off early on the Monday morning….
4am and porridge and coffee were consumed and then a drive into the sunrise with some of the most majestic scenery in the world. To add to my delight the first thing I saw as I left the car was an otter crossing the garden , this was followed by the skies glowing pink, then orange as the sun rose before the hour hand hit 5am. I was finding it hard not to stop at every layby to take photos, but I eventually got round and down to a quiet (a rarity in the summer) Glen Brittle for about 05.30am. The Cuillin were inviting me up and I had a right good spring in my step. My original objective was a quick blast up The Great Stone Chute an back again to allow me to get back mid morning, however if things were looking good (they were!) I wanted to visit Collies Ledge again and then head up Sgurr Mhic Coinnich. The last time I had been on these peaks was on a traverse of the ridge 14 years previously and I have vivid memories of Collies Ledge which I wanted to relive today
The path up to Coire Lagan is well made and the Cuillin dominate the view, with Rum and Eigg taking second place;) Arriving in Coire Lagan the lovely lochan awaited and I stopped for a while on the slab of rock that sits on its crest and admired the views back down to the beach . However, I was only delaying the inevitable, that being the brutish ascent that was awaiting me. The Great Stone Chute is easily identified and just about takes you to the top of Sgurr Alasdair, I was expecting this ascent to be brutal, and it didn’t disappoint! Foot placements were key and I must admit the walking poles really helped (I was doubtful if they would’ve helped). After a good old slog, I eventually reached the Bealach. The sun was starting to light up Coire Lagan behind me which gave great views, but as I crested the bealach the panorama of the southern Cuillin with the mainland mountains as a back drop was spectacular! What a sight. It was around 07.30ish now and after gawking at the views I had the short scramble to the top of Sgurr Alasdair (involved a short balancey section!). It was fun though and soon I was perched on the highest point in Skye with the ridge stretching out before me ! I’d like to say I had the place to myself but before long I spotted a group of three climbers coming over from Sgurr Dubh Mor. It was amazing and I sat on the summit for about 30 minutes before moving on – the climbers I had seen hadn’t arrived by the time I left the summit but they would soon catch me up.
Descending back to the bealach and I decided that I would descend down the Great Stone Chute and traverse across the face of Sgurr Thearlaich to gain access to Collies Ledge. When we did the traverse, 14 year ago, we had come over Surr Thearaich to get to Collies Ledge but this involved some grade 3 scrambling, down the face and being on my lonesome, I decided on this slightly easier route today.
Once about a third down the Chute I found a slight path heading off north and traversing the rocky face. The poles were put away as to get to the Bealach Thearlaich involved some easy (grade 1) scrambling. I found a gully leading to the bealach and scrambled up. At this point I could hear voices very close and eventually spotted the three climbers descending Sgurr Thearaich. They were very close to me and I expected them to appear at the bealach at the same time I arrived but when arrived I couldn’t see them although I could still hear them. Next was the highlight of the hike – Collies Ledge. To ascend it from the bealach you follow the polished rock round to the right and a couple of scrambling moves up see you at the start of the airy traverse.
From this point , Collies Ledge didn’t disappoint! The airy traverse is a sheer joy. Nothing technically demanding but the exposure to your left is immense. At points I had both hands on the rock to my right with gapping drops looming below me, but saying that if you are ok with heights this is a few hundred metres to enjoy – absolutely stunning
I eventually reached the end of the traverse and soon the going was vertical again. At this point the three climbers had caught me up and I let them pass as it turned out they were doing the ridge traverse. They were moving well and at speed – hope they made it safely to the end of the ridge
Once you reach the crest of Sgurr Mhic Coinnichs ridge there is scrambling all the way to the summit. At points the exposure is almost greater than when on Collies Ledge as the drops are now on both sides. A head for heights is a definite requirement here! However I was soon on the summit and the chaps had passed and were quickly descending – heading for the Inn Pinn and Sgurr Dearg. Me on the other hand , well I was in no rush and I enjoyed another 45 minutes on this airy perch, enjoying the views and solitude. It was now about 9 am.
More filming and photos were taken and now I had to descend. I knew that more scrambling was required as I descended the same route I had just ascended. Beyond this however, more down climbing and scrambling moves are required before reaching the flat area above the An Stac Screes. After a wee bit of route finding on the descent (there are lots of ways down through the large boulders – some easier than others!) I eventually reached the flat area and sat and had a third breakfast before getting the poles out again for the scree descent.
Having done my research I knew I had to find the correct line for the descent, which wasn’t too bad as the weather was clear, I had noted this point on the way down from Sgurr Mhic Coinnich. The top of the descent is steep and loose and I was grateful for having poles, but once on the actually scree run, the going was slow but nice , his time having gravity on my side (unlike the ascent of The Great Stone Chute!
Before long and I was again in the magnificent amphitheatre of Coire Lagan. I sat down and relaxed. The helmet was replaced with my hat and I soaked in the views in the knowledge that I could just about start to relax! The path out was now the only obstacle and I headed down passing many , many people who were taking a walk on the fine, warm and sunny morning.
An hour after reaching the car (and driving past the busiest locations I’ve seen for years – Fairy Pools and Sligachan!), I eventually got home at lunchtime. A few brownie points were lost but not enough to stop another quick Cuillin blast later in the week (stay tuned!;))
321/365
+1
The funnest part was making eye contact with the truck drivers driving by that saw my car parked outside, then looked in the windows and saw some scantilly clad girl running back and forth inside.
My remote broke.
Going back sometime to go downstairs as well as upstairs, I was much too afraid to check those parts out by myself.
Funny thing was I got home and edited before I took a shower, I'm totally disgusting, you can say it :P
...school's out for summer
school's out forever
school's been blown to pieces...
Film - youtu.be/CSph32eczVE
Beinn Alligin summit camp under a dancing Aurora
The settled weather continued for yet another weekend (couldn’t believe it!) so I decided for another wild camp. Up until I made the decision to camp in Torridon, I hadn’t even considered Beinn Alligin as a location, however I did want to take a photo of the Horns of Alligin and Beinn Dearg from the summit of Sgurr Mor. So Beinn Alligin it was on a whim….
The weather was superb and I set off in blazing sunshine from the car park with my light bag on;) The snow seemed fairly stripped from the mountain but I couldn’t see the route between the two Munro’s so I packed axe and crampons just in case (been caught out before!). This made the pack even lighter (sarcasm…) . Given the size and weight of the pack I decided against The Horns and headed up the Coire nan Laogh route, however there was a fair bit of ascent before reaching the Corrie! Psychologically I was thinking it was an easy dander until the Corrie then a steep pull up. In reality there’s a rather steep walk in to get to the corrie an I STRUGGLED! The sweat was pouring off me and the blazing sun was beating down, I had no energy and seriously considered if I was going to be able to do this! Maybe try for the first Munro and camp there, I thought as I slowly made my way up. The shade in the Coire nan Laogh was welcome and after a drink and a bite eat I started to feel better. A water stop near the top of the Coire made my bag even lighter – I was so delighted at this (sarcasm) but at least I didn’t have to hunt for H20 when I finally got my camp set up…….
A little further and I was soon approaching the first Munro – Tom na Gruagaich. The views were absolutely stupendous. I took an airy perch on the trig and sat with eyes wide open at the splendour of our wee country….we are so lucky!! The Torridonian Mountains to my east and the sea board and Islands at my back- an amazing view point.
The sun was starting to drop towards the Atlantic and the Outer Hebrides so I made the decision to crack on the Sgurr Mor. The small light weight pack made my descent of Tom na Gruagaich a little interesting and care was required but I was soon heading uphill again this time with numerous breaks (just wanted to look at the views – honest – the pack was so light!). A quick gander at The Black Cleft and I was nearly there.
With sunset approaching I didn’t have time to mess around so set straight to getting the tent up then some photos……
After playing with the camera I set about using my new stove (was very nice and efficient) and had a cracking tea. The horizon was red and I sat watching the fishing boat lights twinkle on the Inner Sound and out to The Minch, not a bad way to let my dinner digest!
As you may know I like playing with my camera settings with some photos of the stars so I decided to have a lye down and listen to music waiting for dusk to pass… I was knackered and nearly didn’t get back up to take photos, but I am so glad I did awaken!!!
For years I’ve dreamt of being on a wild camp when the Aurora comes to play, and at the tail end of 2014 I got the northern lights on a wild camp in Glencoe. However pleasing it was , it wasn’t a strong show (only a faint glow visible to the naked eye) and some cloud spoiled the event (plus me having a frozen lens didn’t help with the photos…). With the advent of social media catching the lights has become a little easier and only a few weeks ago I was treated to the best display I have seen above Perth where the lights were dancing and the lights were performing to their full specification – pillars, shafts of light etc etc
In my tent on the top of Beinn Alligin I didn’t have a signal to allow alerts to come through so was unawares until I stepped outside… I saw the glow – it was faint – just as it had been in Glencoe – but it still had me rushing around getting the tripod set up, these shows don’t last long sometimes…… 4 hours later I was still outside standing and gawping…… The faint glow I saw as I emerged from the tent soon brightened and for about an hour the Northern lights were dancing above Gairloch and clearly visible to the naked eye. I was in awe, when I wasn’t trying to capture it on the camera I was just standing and staring… an amazing spectacle …. I wanted to stay up all night but I was exhausted and eventually hit the hay, with the alarm set for getting up before sunrise for some more photos (I wasn’t sure if I had any memory left on the card after the Aurora shots ;)
I slept well, which is unusual for a camp but was soon up brewing the coffee and waiting for the sun to rise . I had thought I may have got an inversion but the cloud hadn’t moved fa enough west. I could see fog to the east… never mind a few weeks later and I was treated to the inversion of inversions on Ben Lui;)
As with the sunset, the sunrise was spectacular….. It rose over Beinn Eighe and filled the glen with shafts of light… To the West the shadow of Ben Alligin was cast across the Inner Sound, pointing out towards Clisham….. More photos and I had to start thinking about heading home, it is a long drive!! After numerous photographs I once again saddled the small light weight pack and made a second ascent of Tom Na Gruagaich….. The blues skies and crystal clear clarity were not helping my progress… every five meters was a photo stop!! The steepness of the descent started to make sense of why I had lacked energy and tiredness the day before!
I eventually made the car and I am glad I had such a light back pack as the memories I collected were a full load! As superb trip to a superb mountain with superb entertainment laid on by Aurora Borealis…
Language functions such as grammar, vocabulary and literal meaning are typically lateralized to the left hemisphere, especially in right handed individuals. While language production is left-lateralized in up to 90% of right-handed subjects, it is more bilateral, or even right lateralized in approximately 50% of left-handers.In contrast, prosodic language functions, such as intonation and accentuation, often are lateralized to the right hemisphere of the brain. The processing of visual and auditory stimuli, spatial manipulation, facial perception, and artistic ability are represented bilaterally, but may show a right hemisphere superiority.Numerical estimation, comparison and online calculation depend on bilateral parietal regions while exact calculation and fact retrieval are associated with left parietal regions, perhaps due to their ties to linguistic processing. Dyscalculia is a neurological syndrome associated with damage to the left temporo-parietal junction. This syndrome is associated with poor numeric manipulation, poor mental arithmetic skill, and the inability to either understand or apply mathematical concepts. Depression is linked with a hyperactive right hemisphere, with evidence of selective involvement in "processing negative emotions, pessimistic thoughts and unconstructive thinking styles", as well as vigilance, arousal and self-reflection, and a relatively hypoactive left hemisphere, "specifically involved in processing pleasurable experiences" and "relatively more involved in decision-making processes". Additionally, "left hemisphere lesions result in an omissive response bias or error pattern whereas right hemisphere lesions result in a commissive response bias or error pattern." The delusional misidentification syndromes, reduplicative paramnesia and Capgras delusion are also often the result of right hemisphere lesions.There is evidence that the right hemisphere is more involved in processing novel situations, while the left hemisphere is most involved when routine or well rehearsed processing is called for.
Shot taken at Hauz Khas Village, Delhi, India
Facebook Page: www.facebook.com/kunalkhuranaphotography
I have three words for you...
Clear Fluids Diet - now does that sound like fun to anyone else?! (insert sarcasm here). Yeah me neither... it sounds like some sort of crazy, Hollywood crash diet that was first introduced to help an actor loose enough weight to look like a prisoner of war. But no, alas it was doctors orders as my tummy discomfort continued for the second day in a row and they started to suspect developing appendicitis. That and 2 type of antibiotics one of which will mean that I CANNOT DRINK ON MY BIRTHDAY!!! Which is I suppose preferable to being hospitalised and having an operation on my birthday... but only marginally.
On a brighter note, I managed to get of the couch for long enough to venture to a localish camera store with mum to buy some last minute birthday presents!!! :D
This did however also remind me just how uncomfortable I feel going into a real life, in the flesh camera store. I don't know if its because I decided to go with a minority brand camera and most sales people just don't understand why I made that decision or if I'd be just as intimidated anyway... its like I don't want people to know how much I enjoy it because they might shoot me down and tell me I know nothing or else they might laugh at me or I might get some crucial bit of jargon wrong or worst case they would just shut me down and tell me to leave (which FYI did happen once when I mentioned the word Pentax" :S
Anyway I am now so excited for Wednesday because I am getting a new remote radio transmitter shutter release!!! :D It has so many cool options that my current one doesn't plus I will never again have to worry about the stupid line of sight thing grrrr.... aaaahh haha! So excited :D
(See I am not really all that hard to please)
P.S. Note the mass uploads today... its because I actually have a photo PLANNED for my birthday and I would preferably like to post it on the actual day.
Oiiii meninas =)
Então, copiei na cara grande a foto qe a Lú posto do Sarcasm..
achei muuuuito lindo assim gente *--* São varias cores em um glitter só..mto amor viu!
Pena qe não durou nadaaaaa =/
Enfim, eu amei *-* e vcs?
beijos ;*
We don't need no education
We dont need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers leave them kids alone
Hey! Teachers! Leave them kids alone!
All in all it's just another brick in the wall.
All in all you're just another brick in the wall.
We don't need no education
We dont need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers leave them kids alone
Hey! Teachers! Leave them kids alone!
All in all it's just another brick in the wall.
All in all you're just another brick in the wall.
"Wrong, Do it again!"
"If you don't eat yer meat, you can't have any pudding. How can you
have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?"
"You! Yes, you behind the bikesheds, stand still laddy!"
The Sarcasm Goddess is a hilarious blogger and writer (not the same thing), who last week won Lurker's Choice at lovelinks. I'm the Lurker and she was my Choice. Her prize was the opportunity to give me a prompt for my 365 and she totally came through, you guys: "Candlelight." Today's Little's birthday, so it all went better than expected.
If you have a blog that you'd like to expose to more readership or want to join a supportive, fun blogging community, consider the weekly debauchery that is lovelinks. Founded and curated by my friend Erica, it's described as "the small blogger's wet dream." Could be just the thing to make you love blogging again.
Z: “What are the chances you two are only here for the day?”
Fin (mischievously): “Here until after the wedding.”
Z: *doesn’t bother to hide his sarcasm* “Fan-friggin’-ass-tastic.”
Fin: *toothy grin* “Aye.”
Emma (relieved): “Doss! If you’re goin’ tae be here for a while, I donna have tae feel bad aboot telling you tae run along with Z and Danny tae the other party. Sorry, it’s girls only tonight.”
Killian: “Which is exactly why it’s where I want tae be.”
Emma (sternly): “Oot!”
Z: “Hey, let’s not be hasty, the guys may not be up to partying after their flight. Maybe they’d rather just head back to their hotel and chill…alone.” *hopeful look*
Fin: “Beer at this party?”
Z (reluctantly): “Probably.”
Fin: “Party.”
Z (sourly): “Fine, come on, then.” *turns around, heads to the living room*
Emma: *grabs Fin’s arm* “Finley. Be. Nice.”
Fin: “Donna have tae be. Yer boy gives as good as he gets.”
Emma (pleased): “You like him, then.”
Fin: “Gettin’ there. Fun tae take the mickey oot o’ him at any rate.” *heads off to the living room to torture Z*
Emma: “Uh, I think I’ll go, um, supervise, at least until they leave for the club.” *hurries after Fin*
--Front door opens again and sounds of a loud ruckus drift in from the other room—
Yuri: “From the sound of it, I believe Lark has arrived. I swear it is absolute bedlam today.”
Kumi: “Isn’t it great?”
Yuri (happily): “Indeed.”
Lark: *strolls in, face aglow* “Fin’s here! It looks like another reunion for—” *spies Killian, mouth clamps shut, eyes narrow*
Killian (tentatively): “Hallo, Lark. Yer lookin’ fit as e’er. It’s been a long time since yer last visit tae Scotland. I havena seen you since--”
Lark (coldly) “I remember the last time I saw you, Killian. Trust me if I could have forgotten it, I would’ve.”
Yuri & Kumi: *eyes widen, study the pair facing off in front of them*
Fashion Credits
**Any doll enhancements (i.e. freckles, piercings, eye color changes) were done by me unless otherwise stated.**
Yuri
Black Dress: Mattel – Barbie Basics – Collection 001, Model 05
Strapless Beaded Top – Madame Alexander – Coquette’s Closet Fashion
Shoes: Jennifer Sue
Earrings: Fashion Royalty – Foreign Affair Gift Set
Bracelets: Mix of “Greed” & “Envy”, along with turquoise pieces – Knife’s Edge Designs (me)
Doll is a Nu.Fantasy Red Riding Hood Yuri transplanted to a NuFace body.
Kumi
Dress: Dolls Fashion Shop (ebay.com)
Jacket: fakeskin (etsy.com)
Belt: Fashion Royalty – NuFace – Great Pretender Lilith
Shoes: Toy Sity
Toggle Necklace: Knife’s Edge Designs (me)
Doll is a Nu.Fantasy Wild Wolf Kumi transplanted to a NuFace body.
Lark
Dress: Mattel – Barbie Collectible – Jonathan Adler Barbie
Belt: Fashion Royalty – NuFace – Elements of Surprise Lilith
Shoes: Fashion Royalty – NuFace – Great Pretender Lilith
Bracelets: Me
Doll is a Great Pretender Lilith
Killian
Jeans: Fashion Royalty – Homee/NF – Style Strategy Lukas
Shirt & Belt: Kelsie @ Mutant Goldfish Designs
Jacket: Mattel – Playline – My Scene
Boots: Volks – Who’s That Girl? – Selfish Line
Bite Me Necklace – Knife’s Edge Designs (me)
Doll is a Silent Partner Romain.
My son and I hit downtown GR this morning for Celebration on the Grand. Or so we thought - turns out it didn't start until later in the day. So, instead, we tooled around downtown checking out the sights and taking the occasional photograph. I stopped in (as I cannot resist doing) to MadCap for a cup of the most delicious coffee to be found around here. Suzann was seated at the window and I couldn't help but take advantage of the setting and light to ask for a stranger portrait. She readily agreed. While I waited for my coffee, though, two women sat down outside the window and interrupted the shot I had in mind. I considered, then asked politely if they would mind standing to the side for a moment. They did not - it turns out they were students of a local art college and fully supported my efforts. Thanks to Suzann, the two women who moved, and the blessed patience of my 2-year-old in the stroller, all of whom helped make this shot possible!
Normally I carry business cards so people can find this and see the photos I took. I told her that, reached to my shoulder for the camera strap zipper (Black Rapid Strap - if you're looking to buy one, let me know, it's for sale), only to remember that I changed over to a new camera strap (Luma Labs Cinch strap) with no pocket. I wrote the Flickr address on a napkin and gave it to her, to which she responded, "Fancy!" I'm quite sure that it was intended with a light touch of sarcasm, which I appreciated. So, Suzann, if you DO end up checking this out, thanks for bearing with me!
This picture is #22 in my 100 strangers project. Find out more about the project and see pictures taken by other photographers at the 100 Strangers Flickr Group page
**UPDATE** Suzann later contacted me and let me know that she has a nine-year-old daughter. Suzann recently decided to start a journal "chronicling my observations about her and what makes her so magnificent" that she will give to her daughter when she graduates high school. Suzann was writing the first entry in this photograph. I sent her copies of the images, so now she has photographs and a great story to go with the journal.
Awesome, right?
Sarcastic Comment Loading Funny T-Shirt Design at Target with Mike Mozart if JeepersMedia on YouTube! Feel Free to use this Flickr picture under Creative Commons online!!
Col. By Lake | Barred Beetle
Earlier today I discovered a different beetle, striped instead of dotted, moving on a cluster of Bittersweet Nightshade Fruits. However, a quick Internet literature search identified the subject as a Colorado Potato Beetle, a potato crop pest that has acquired resistance and adapted to a wide variety of insecticides. It has been a challenge to potato growers across the USA and Canada for over a century. It can also cause damage to tomato and eggplant crops. Is this beetle the root cause of having so few potato chips in bags? (sarcasm).
A little sarcasm there if you didn't notice. ;) Although it was a bit chilly the snow and the ice really set an awesome mood for all these images! I like these branches to the right against the white of the snow and the gray sky. These are the most likely the last of the images i'll upload from this shoot. its pretty rare for me to get this many shots! it was an extremely good shoot. Loop lighting btw.
www.flickr.com/photos/laurenmarietuttle
Check out some of my girlfriends photos!
I need new friends… end sarcasm.
So, Mer, Mel and I pulled into a parking spot downtown after hanging out planning on doing a late-night shot with Mer and Mel again. As we pulled into the parking spot, our friend Justin happened to be walking his bike in front of us. We hopped out of the car, grabbed him, and here's the outcome. It was a good time with lots of laughs…we would really love to thank the 2 male French streakers for the laughs and the WTFs…hahaha
On a strobist note, I haven't done much outside night shots, so WB, CTO is way off in this shot. It is something I am gonna work on, but tonight due to good times (beers and jaguar shots) wasn't a night to work on it….
Strobists:
SB600 camera front right 7ft bare from Mer and Justin 70mm @1/16
SB600 camera front left 6ft on axis and above from Mer and Justin in reflective umbrella 20mm @1/8
1/20 @F/2.8
ISO 500
Nikon 80-200mm 2.8
Triggered with Cybersync
see setup
*sarcasm*Hoo, boy that John McCain is a funny guy - singing "Bomb, bomb, bomb... Bomb Iran" to the tune of the Beach Boys "Barbara Ann". */sarcasm*
Someone else obviously appreciates what a total jack-ass he is and printed up a whole ton of these posters and wheat pasted them all over the Pearl. They're pretty big, about 18x24 I'd guess, and nicely printed.
via Blogger link► ift.tt/1VQFfRv,
I'm afraid I can't go. i've already taken off my bra so i'm in for the night
they are headache medicine, and look like candy. metaphors, sarcasm and criticism on how people take them. that's where i got the title from. :)
Tiki Jims
Old Town USA.
A unique shopping, dining, and entertainment experience.
5770 W Irlo Bronson Memorial Hwy
Kissimmee, FL 34746
It had been three years without conflict when my group took my break, but we all knew it was wrong that the world wasn’t experiencing conflict. MARKA was alive and Luka was still missing from before. So, we decided to start a new journey, a journey to destroy MARKA, but I knew everything would go to crap when we continued on with the path of danger. It was time to accept the fact that first off I was the only one single and second somebody was going to die. “Earth to Kimber.”
“Thunder, I was thinking about things.” I really did not like the fact that Thunder made me stop thinking about my life. My messed up life barely anybody knew about.
“Gosh, Kimber, I know you are devastated and all, but you don’t need to act like this.” Thunder kept trying to comfort me and I was getting annoyed about it.
“A thirteen year old has a boyfriend before me.” At least I tried a new hairstyle for love, short hair that wasn’t half shaven. I just thought I looked like a dorky high school girl trying to get laid with my hair.
“Ha, it took me two years of online dating to meet Grey; just take your time with things.” Then the doorbell for the ship rang, and Thunder went to the door. It was sad that I missed the others, but Thunder and I were the only ones still on the team.
“Who is it?” I questioned while crossing my legs. Life was boring when everybody else only cared about their personal life; some days I would almost die of boredom.
“Everybody use is here.” Then I heard the sound of a thousand footsteps in the hallway, well not that many but still. Everybody else was having kids and forgot mostly about MARKA and Luka.
“Yippee,” I said with sarcasm and disappointment.
“I thought you would like the company.” Yuni was a changed woman since three years ago, love sick puppy to mother, yah. All this meeting did was make me more down than before for being single because I kept looking at Yuni’s baby girl, Amaris.
“Ha, all you guys did was leave and make Luka doomed!” I was yelling at them, so Yuni held Amaris closer to her. “We have been looking for her more years than you were looking for him.” Then I pointed at Tyler, who was cleaner than the last time I saw him.
“Kimber-”
“Do you people think life is a game or for your words a book that would always have a happy ending?”
“Why do you act this way, Kimber?” After that, I looked at Hail. She was as big as a house with that baby inside of her.
“Envy, MARKA, f*ck!”
“There are kids here.” For some reason, Fatima and Kirami got together and married and had a baby boy named Howahkan. Gosh, at that moment, I hated babies. Also somehow they were the ones that took custody of Von and Violet, and Fatima already had Amaya and Enya...oh my god so much kids....urgh.
“Just think about it. I don’t have kids yet.”
“Suki, you’re thirteen,” I responded, “of course you don’t have kids yet or Andru would have been mad.”
“Ha ha, I’m the only one with a wife that has-”
“I’m not planning on any children, Andru,” interrupted Tora, Andru’s wife, when she was glaring at him with her silver eyes.
“I know.” He crossed his arms, and sighed. I was the only one who wasn’t obsessed with kids, babies, and other stuff; that fact made me kind of sick in the inside.
“We just have to calm down,” said Vy. Even she had a romantic interest while she was only twelve. The world was going insane ,in my opinion, with this baby stuff. There was thirteen trillion people on the Earth, so I was suck on how the Earth could carry all of those people.
“Calm down, are you serious, Vy?” Her boyfriend, Keme, disagreed with her while fixing his light brown hair, girly boy.
“Vy is right, Keme.” Yamanu, Suki’s boyfriend, urgh all of these boyfriends, then disagreed with the disagreer.
“My mom is there, a Dark Priest. Do you really think that is the brightest idea?” questioned Amberlee, I didn’t see her boyfriend here, thank god.
“Guys, Thunder and I are going to search MARKA no matter what you say.” I grabbed onto Thunder’s hand and started to get out of the ship. “Even if we have to travel on foot.”
“This isn’t the smartest idea, Kimber!” Thunder shouted. “Do we have to my sister is about to give birth and I want to be alive when that happens.”
“Trust me, you will be alive.”
Blood:
I could smell MARKA from miles away from all the blood in that place; at least there were more babies than blood ,I thought, or not. “This place gives me too much bad memories.” Death, screams, rape, bloodshed, revenge, memories of those things all flew inside my head.
“I know, Kimber.” But, something felt wrong. No guards were at the entrance, and that was weird. When I was a commander here and the first thing I would do was put agents at the entrance so nobody could get in.
“We have to be quiet.”
“But, nobody is here.”
“That’s why.” I tiptoed slyly to the entrance door, which had changed. Right then it was wooden for some reason not iron. “Remember to stay quiet no matter what.”
“Alright.” Then I slowly opened the door that was unlocked, something wasn’t right about this; I just knew that something had to be up for MARKA to be stupid.
“Cheek if anybody is behind us and if there is an earthquake run like the wind.” It felt good to be a leader again; Fatima used to always be the leader years ago, and she was terrible.
“Okay, Kimber.” Thunder, who had a brown backpack, ripped blue jeans and a white v-neck tank top, took out binoculars from her bag. “All clear.”
“Are you sure?” I asked because if anybody saw us we would be dead, shoot till there was nothing left.
“Yes, when have I ever been unsure?”
“The test we had in college,” I joked. That joke was funny because it was true; Thunder asked me if question 6781 was A or X, and I said nothing.
“Very funny Kimber.” Then something went inside my head when Thunder said that, that was very funny, Kimber, tell it again and I will always laugh. The thing that messed up my system. Nathan, okay master I will tell it again. “Kimber, you are in lala land again.”
“Don’t worry about me.” Why are you doing this, Kimber, why are you joining them after all we gone through? Worry about me.
“Are you sure because you seem very off lately.” F*ck you, Nathan, I will take my own path. I tried to push the thoughts off of my head, but I couldn’t. I love you, but I can’t do this anymore.
“I’m fine, Thunder, let’s just go.”
“Yes, let’s get this over with.” I am going to make this over with no matter what. So, I went inside the dreadful place that used to be my home.
“This is the last place we need to cheek before we declare Luka dead,” I said, “so I am going to hope we bring her back.” When Fatima told the others and me Luka got taken away from them and that Wilden was evil almost everybody burst into tears; I was the only one with a dry face.
“Yeah.” The halls were empty like the entrance, but I could smell the blood. You are not holding the gun correctly, there would only be your blood if you hold it like that. You want others to feel the pain not you. “Wait did you see that?” Then I saw a flash of blonde hair, crap.
“We have to go now!” We started to run for our lives, the flashes followed us.
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
“The answer was actually E, neither A or X.” Question 6781: What is the most powerful of evil creatures to walk the world? A: Dark Priest...X: MARKA...E: Wrath Crystals. “Thank god Wrath Crystals are dead.”
“Now the answer is X.” Nathan jumped in front of us. Wrath Crystals killed eighty percent of the population until the first unicron was made, Kimber. Now let’s kill more than eighty percent. He had a gun in his hand, his finger on the trigger.
“S*it, Thunder you’re dream of seeing your sister again is now ruined.” I quickly got out one of my guns out of her pack. “But, who says we can’t go down without a fight?” So, Thunder got her favorite weapon, her lightning sword.
“Thanks for the vote of confidence.” There was fright in Thunder’s voice, and her hands were shaking when something else came out. Rikku.
“Pathetic mortals,” laughed Death Dreamer. I will never leave your side, Kimber, because I won’t. Seeing her like this made me want to cry, but my purpose was not to cry, it was to fight.
“Pathetic b*tch, wait you are a f*cker not a b*tch.” I waited for an attack, yet nothing came, nothing.
“We don’t want to fight we just want something of yours, Kimber.” That scared me that he wanted something of mine, probably my soul. He was a greedy man filled with lust, envy, and wrath; Nathan deserved to die but why was I saying no.
“What, Nathan?”
“You.” I dropped my gun, and opened my mouth. He wanted me, my body and my soul.
“What the h*ll, you’re not having her you son of a b*tch!” Thunder protected me with her body; I just pushed her off of me.
“Nathan, you have a deal.” Then I walked towards him, frightened.
“Kimber, what are you doing?” But, Thunder disappeared into thin air before she could try to save me.
“Is she alright?”
“She teleported to the rest of you.” He bound my hands with wires that made my hands bleed, but it did not hurt.
“You are going to be with us again.” Nathan turned me around and stroked my face. “We can be together again.” I love you. I tried to get the potion off of my head for years, yet I couldn’t. Nathan was my weakness.
“You’re going to make me evil again.” At that moment I could not stop crying; I was going to be one of them once again. We would be together again, commander Kimber and master Nathan.
“Don’t you want to visit the labs again?”
“No.”
“Too bad,” Rikku responded. She was shining so bright that it hurt my eyes that were already hurting by all my bloody tears. My tears of blood. The purpose of MARKA is to kill everybody and bring pain to the world. All my memories would be forgotten but the ones Nathan wanted me to have. I was still trying to piece some of my childhood memories for Pete’s sake, and all my progress would be lost because of one stupid decision.
“I’m going to die and turn into a completely different person.” No more Kimber, commander was coming back. No more me; only the slave Nathan wanted me to be.
The labs:
Kids were being operated on to make them pure evil, no love no guilt only evil only darkness. “Take a seat here.” Nathan placed me on the work table where a robot went up to me with the microchip, the thing that partly fell out of me.
“No, ahh!” The robot pull the chip in my eye...Nathan was my master and I would do anything to obey him, anything under the rainbow.
“Welcome back commander Kimber.”
“It is good to be back.” I got off of the table, and looked around at the wonder of insidious things. The kids screaming, the robots working, all of the slaves.
“What do you think of this person?” Nathan pulled out a person of a girl with pinkish hair with the name Thunder on the bottom of it, she was smiling. I grabbed the photo from Nathan, and teared it into a billion pieces.
“Everybody that isn’t a part of us should die.” The pieces of Thunder fell down to my feet so I kicked team not giving a crap about her, she was still smiling.
“Now all of these people.” He gave me another picture of a family of five, also smiling. The oldest woman was holding a little baby that had brown hair, all of the family had brown hair. Everybody was labeled but the small little baby, yet I got out my gun and grabbed the photo from Nathan. Then I shoot the photo and it turned into dust.
“What do you think I am, a sympathetic idiot?” I put my gun in my pocket, and yawned. “Where is the action?”
“It is coming soon I just need to do something.” He bought out scissors and cut off half of my hair making my hair look half-shaven.
“Where is my team?” I questioned.
“Here are the best we could find.” An army of ten teens came in the room, armed and ready to fight.
“Show me what you got.” I took out one of the unturned we had in there, and pushed the little girl in front of them. “Kill her.”
“Pl-” The ten agents shot her all in the same place, the heart.
“Give her the muck,” one of the agents commanded. Then robots got out a bath of black muck, and put the girl in it. She turned into a Dark Priest in just a matter of seconds.
“I’m impressed, I guess I’m going to take you guys. Now where do we go now?”
“Here is the directions to it.” Nathan gave me a piece of technology, and I looked at it.
“Basil, hm should be easy.” Then I showed my agents the machine; so we ran out of the room to get on our helicopter.
It was a little town except for the mansion in the outskirts:
“We are here.” Then I landed the helicopter in the middle of the town, and everybody ran. There was the word MARKA on the side because that was sadly the only helicopter we had, so I couldn’t destroy it.
“Remember the plan or you guys will die.” We got out of the helicopter and shoot whoever we saw. “We need to go to the mansion, guys?” I turned around, and my own team was dead. “I said follow the plan.”
“Kimber, no, no way! What did they do to you?” It was the girl in the picture I tore up earlier, time for her to die. Yet, she vanished into nowhere, weird.
“What was that about?” I wondered.
The mansion:
“This is where i’m supposed to go.” I broke down the door, and the only things in the front room was furniture and a doll. “What a beautiful doll.” So, I picked the doll up and tore it plastic head into two. Then I heard something that sounded like it was upstairs; I climbed up the stairs to check it out.
“Anybody here?” I asked when I was up the stairs and when I turned around I saw the girl that had pinkish hair protect a girl that looked like her who was big.
“Kimber, don’t.”
“You again.” That girl seemed to be everywhere that day, and she seemed like she knew me, but I didn’t know her.
“Snap out of it!” A guy with blonde hair appeared out of a closet with a unicron girl with a baby girl in her arms, they looked scared.
“The others aren’t here,” the woman with the baby in her arms said. “So, time to do this.” Then I jumped up to the ceiling when the blonde man lunged at me.
“Where is she?” I wanted to come down to get my gun with I stupidly dropped, but I told myself not to be seen by anybody especially the pink haired girl.
“Did she go?”
“No, she left her gun.” The man pointed out my gun to the girl with the baby.
“I can’t believe that they turned her back into one of them,” the pink haired cried. The girl gave me a bad feeling, and it made me feel like I was missing something.
“Something just have to happen, Thunder.” The other pinked hair girl tried to put her hand on her savior’s shoulder, but ‘Thunder’ wouldn’t let her.
“But not this thing!” Thunder yelled. “Who knows what would happen because of this.”
“Guys, we do need to go Clary I think he is starting to worry about us.”
“Hail, we can’t go with Kimber in the house,” Thunder answered with a tear coming out of her eye. She made the girl stay where she was, and brought out a lightning sword.
“Okay sis.”
“And, how are we going to get her out?” the man questioned. Then he walked over to my gun and picked it up, that upsetted me. So, I looked around the roof; I knew this was the house of the once great and powerful Wilden so there was going to be something hidden.
“Gosh, I hate looking for things,” I whispered to myself. Then I stopped when I heard some words, I love you. It was the voice of that Thunder jerk.
“Don’t worry guys we are going to find Kimber.” The baby started to cry, and it was annoying. But, then I noticed something in the corner of my eyes, an old fashioned sword.
“Bullseye.” So, I crawled over to it, and took it without any noise.
“I think we can go.”
“No, we can’t Yuni.”
“Tyler, i’m pretty sure we can go now.” I heard footsteps, and the baby was still crying. “It is not good for Amaris to stay here.”
“Yuni!”
“Don’t worry I will be alright.” Then I reached to the end of the roof, so I could see the unicron, Yuni I thought her name was.
“Okay, Yuni.” The blonde guy wouldn’t move though; he had his arms crossed with my gun in his back pocket.
“I’m going to go, Ty-” Blood was now on the perfect swords, and some guts. The baby dropped to the ground, crying more than before. My sword was in the unicron’s stomach and I pulled it out. She then dropped on the floor, dead.
“YUNI! KIMBER, YOU B*TCH!” There were tears all over the floor mixing into the blood. Yuni’s eyes were wide open, but dead.
“Mission almost complete!” Yet, after I said that, I got knocked out.
I woke up:
Then I realized that I was all tied up to a chair in the middle of a room with only one other chair and a light. It blinded me, the light, because my eyes didn’t adjust. “What is this nonsense?” I couldn’t see anybody, but I could sense somebody, probably that pink haired girl.
“You killed Yuni, Kimber!” It was the blonde guy again that came out first. Then a lot of other people came out after the blonde, frowning.
“It is my job to kill.”
“I told you MARKA got her. Just look and hear her she is one of them again,” Thunder yelled. Gosh, I hated that pink haired girl.
“Oh come on.” A girl with two faces ran up to me, Fatima.
“The betrayer is here. No wonder why this place is f*cked up.” Fatima slapped me in the face, and glazed into my eyes. She then started to pull at something in my left eye, the microchip. But, I fought her off by shaking my head like crazy.
“Of course they took away her memory at least some of it. There is only one way to find out.” Fatima took out a photo of Nathan; it was the same test that, well, Nathan gave me. “What do you think about him?”
“Nathan is my master.” I felt a little bit uncomfortable with all the people staring at me, wanting me to die or tell secrets.
“Crap, this is bad.” She then pulled out a photo of Thunder, the same one Nathan had. “What do you think about her?”
“F*ck her!” Then I tried to get out, but I couldn’t. The wire cuted my skin, but it didn’t hurt whatsoever.
“Well, you are back to your old, old self. That is really bad.” I still tried to get out; none of my attempts never worked.
“This is how I always been.” Then I felt a breeze, which was weird because there were no openings. That was when I looked up to see that the roof was gone, and there was an aircraft, a MARKA aircraft, flying in destroying everything.
“We have to get out of here!” All the other people ran for their lives, but I grinned.
“Kimber, get up here.” One of the agents in the helicopter, which I did not know how they got it, threw a rope down to me. “We have a bomb.”
“Throw it in the place.” Then the agent did exactly what I ordered him to do, and then we lit a match and somehow lit the bomb. “Alright, we have to get out of here before we get blown to bits, and die.” Only some of the people made it out; the rest of them blew into a billion pieces. The guts going everywhere made a brilliant show.
“Your plan worked commander Kimber.”
“When have my plans ever failed?” I questioned, never. The guy was probably a newby, but the world always had unspeakable crap at every corner. Because, I was at every corner.
“Um, never commander Kimber.” The agent moved over to the other side, and held out a device.
“What are you doing, agent?” He then looked at the scene and pressed onto the screen; the agent was super focused on the scene.
“Here are the names of the people who survived, Kimber.” Then he showed me the scene and read the names off of the list.
“Thunder Sveentime, Hail Joingstrom, Fatima Owing, Kirami Owing, Tyler Fern, Amaris Fern, Vy Tellingston, Violet Eells, Vy Eells, Amaya Owing, Enya Owing, Howahkan Owing, Amberlee McIrish, and, oh look, Andru and Suki.”
“Gosh, at least we got some people.” He put the machine back in his pocket, but I wanted more people to die.
“Not enough, but it feels go to out on the field again.” I crossed my arms; I was bored of life.
“The agency will try harder next time.”
“You know that those people are the people that defeated, and killed, Envy. They need to die,” I said.
“Commander Kimber you need to know something that we just figured out just seconds ago.” I surely hoped that it was a bad thing; that what I always thought in my rein.
“What is it agent?”
“Um, it is about Envy. We could make the monster again if we had a person with the same blood as Jack, you know the last person. That means we could only do it with two people.” He showed me the names of Tyler and Amaris again, and I made it sink into my mind. So, then he tapped on the names, and showed pictures of them.
“Alright, time to do this thing. Pilot go back to headquarters now.” I then grabbed onto the side of the helicopter. The only thing that ruined the picture has the lives, but I didn’t care.
Back at headquarters:
“How did the mission go?” Nathan somehow appeared in the hallway right in front of my eyes, he smiled.
“Well, let’s see the only people that are still alive are Thunder Sveentime, Hail Joingstrom, Fatima Owing, Kirami Owing, Tyler Fern, Amaris Fern, Vy Tellingston, Violet Eells, Vy Eells, Amaya Owing, Enya Owing, Howahkan Owing, Amberlee McIrish, and your remaining children, Andru and Suki.” I did not want master to be disappointed, but I had to tell him the truth.
“You mean Yuni is dead?”
“Yes, I killed her myself with this sword.” I showed master my sword, the blood was still on it.
“You are amazing. Yuni aided in the deaths of the ridiculous b*tch she was named after and Envy; things are looking up for MARKA. All hail the great and powerful MARKA.” He walked away, smiling as before. So, I put the sword in the new agent’s hands and ran over to the entrance.
“What are you doing, commander Kimber?”
“Somebody has to do this. Only Rikku and Suki would be Death Dreamers; everybody else becomes a Dark Priest,” I answered. But, I knew something was up with the group I kept seeing; they seemed to be mourning before anybody died. Or they were mourning death. It was probably also the breaking point for them for being away from reality, I thought.
“Should somebody come with you?” The agent sounded concerned for me; agents weren’t supposed to be concerned whatsoever.
“The pilot, I don’t know how to fly.”
“Anybody else?” But, then something flew into my head, a memory. No, don’t take her, don’t take Ki-. MARKA employees weren’t allowed to remember anything master didn’t want us too, so why were these memories haunting me? MOMMY! What were these memories, and what did they mean.
“No, just the pilot ,agent.” Lexia, why did you have to die? There was a fire playing inside my head. Daddy, help me! Bodies of children, teens, and adults.
“Are you alright?”
“Yes.” Let go of her you son of b*tches! BOOM. The things wouldn’t go away; they were staying with me, forever. Why? Then the horror of the memory stopped, finally.
“Alright, i’m just going to go now.” But, after the hell, I remembered a name, Luka.
“Wait, do you have anybody...oh never mind.” After that, I went outside, hoping that no sons of b*tches would sneak up on me, none did.
“Where is that helicopter when you need it?” I questioned. But, when I found it seconds later, it was destroyed. I heard the sound of a crying baby in the distance, they were here.
“Crap.” Then I felt something in my pocket, and I picked it out, it was a radio. Sadly, the battery was dead. “I guess this thing is useless.” I then threw the piece of metal on the ground; something didn’t feel right about doing that, so I picked it up. The alarms went off. Smiling, I began my journey to find that group and the truth.
Two years later:
Something still didn’t feel right after all the years of searching for the truth about my visions and that little group. Something felt wrong. “Commander Kimber, we have sightings of the rebels.”
“Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s move our a*ses over there.” Then the agent gave me the location, Basil. “They always seem to be in the same old f*cking town.”
“Yeah, I think that is where their base is.”
“No, they just like going there.” I looked at the new and improved MARKA; we had about a thousand helicopters now, tons more agents because everybody loved having babies, and tons more of Dark Priests also. We were almost unstoppable; we just needed a person with the same blood as Jack.
“Yes, they do.” Kimber, you are such a pretty girl. No not again, I thought, anything but the stupid memories.
“Alright team, let’s do this thing.” My head was still half shaven, but my unshaven part had longer hair with grey streaks. Just the way master liked it. But, the girls at school say i’m ugly, daddy.
“Everybody knows where to go,” said the agent next to me. So, with that being said, I jumped onto the nearest helicopter. Ignore what they say because you are beautiful no matter what they say. I punched my head, but the images kept playing anyways.
“Okay, pilot time to fly.” The wind felt good on my face when we were going more up. Daddy, what is wind made of?
“This will only take a couple minutes,” informed the pilot.
“Yep.” I loved looking out at the mid afternoon sky and seeing all the chaos in the world, and that chaos was mostly because of us, MARKA: Marked for life.
“Urgh, only if it took less time.” The agent with me got on my nerves; I hated it when people like him complained.
“Patience, agent.” He just crossed his arms, and started to whistle over the rainbow. “We will get the bloodshed we need when we get there.”
“That is what you have been saying for years.” Now he was also crossing his legs like a pussy. Why do you have to be so hard to handle, Kimber, why can’t you just be like the other kids?
“Maybe, if you get patient we would be the rulers of the world.” I grinned, good one Kimber I told myself. I’m always the one you hate; i’m not good enough for you, aren’t I, mother?
“Are you blaming me for always losing?”
“Yes, I am ,agent.”
At the place we traced the signal:
It was the mansion that I killed Yuni in, one of the only people that fell down in that silly rebellious crew. “Ha, this place again. Remember to be slow and to have stealth.”
“Yes, commander Kimber.” I slowly opened the door, and there was nobody in my sight.
“Upstairs, people,” I whispered. Then I saw a doll with its head tore into two pieces; the place barely changed from when I was here last. So, we went up the stairs slowly. I had my new gun ready, and my sword in my weapon bag.
“Oh my god,” screamed one of the agents in front of me, he was new. And, I pushed the newby out of my way and saw it too. A rope was tied to the top of the room, and the smell of death filled up the room.
“Don’t be alarmed. Like seriously why will you be alarmed by death.” The end of the rope was on a neck of a man who had blonde hair, one of Jack’s blood. His blue eyes were completely opened and weren’t blinking at all.
“The man-”
“Committed suicide, yes. The only reason I feel for this death is that we could have used him to make Envy. There are only two people left we can use.” After I finished saying what I was saying, I heard a baby cry. A baby of the fern blood. “And, one of those people are here. A little two year old, not cute.” When you were two you would never complain, but now you are a f*cking b*tch. No not again.
“Should we take her?” Mommy, stop it! You’re hurting me! It was weird that I only remembered words, but not images.
“What do you think?” Kimber, you are being a f*cking b*tch! Get out of my mind!
“Yes, get the baby.” I’m going to call MARKA, Kimber, if you keep this up. Then I looked at Tyler; something in me told me I knew Tyler. He was dead, nothing mattered.
“Amaris, the child of the moon, is now ours.” Amaris was still crying, but I didn’t care. You wouldn’t dare call MARKA! They will kill everybody including you.
“Envy is going to be back?” questioned the agent holding the little child.
“Yes, more powerful than ever. This child is the flesh and blood of a fern and a defeater.” I don’t care; I will do anything to get you out of my life. Both of Amaris’s parents were dead because of us, and now she was going to be one of us, MARKA. MARKA, the end of the world.
“Well that is going to good.” The person with Amaris was a girl; she had a similar voice to my mother.
“Come on, we have to go back. Master is going to be proud of this.” But, the agents wouldn’t move a muscle. “What are you doing?” They all disappeared, yet Amaris was on the ground, not crying but alive. “That is weird well better get Amaris.” You are a horrible person, Kimber.
Back to headquarters:
“Master, look what I got.” I saw Nathan in the corner of the hallway, smoking. He then saw the baby, who was awake. “It is Amaris Fern.”
“Good, Kimber. Did you find anything else?” Nathan went closer to me, and I could smell the smoke.
“Tyler Fern committed suicide, master.” Mommy, I could commit suicide and you wouldn’t even care. Amaris then looked at Nathan, and cried like crazy.
“This is turning out better than I planned.” His eyes were turning red, insanity. I would rejoice if you did so.
“That’s wonderful,” I said. That is not wonderful, Kimber, you can’t do anything right. I was annoyed by Amaris, and wanted to do do something with her, but I didn’t know what.
“But, we could have used him except for this baby. But, Amaris here is the flesh and blood of a Fern and a defeater.” Her black eyes stared in mine, trying to find an answer.
“That fact is what makes Amaris more powerful than them; she is the power of them combined. And, it has been two years since we had any troubles.” You are us combined, Kimber, but something made you a b*tch; that makes you only my blood not my daughter.
“So, we do the operation right now?” The operation, a.k.a the operation of destruction, the operation we must do to make Envy.
“Yes, we do.” Nathan took Amaris from my arms and walked down the hallway.
“Do I come with you?” Then Nathan turned around, and the baby cried and cried.
“Ha, you are the only reason we have this. Come on, commander Kimber.”
“Wow only the best of the best watch this.” I ran to Nathan, happy; I was one of the best. You will never be the best! At that point, I ignored my memories that I had.
“I know that.” I know that, mommy, only Mona could be the best. Why did my younger self believe in Mona being first?
“Of course you do master Nathan.” I’m your master, STOP BELIEVING IN MONA BEING FIRST. The screams haunted my mind, but not me.
“I’m always the best.” Full of himself, yet what type of leader wouldn’t be. We continued on walking down the hallway until we reached a door.
“Why are we stopping? We should just make this over with master!”
“I will take a couple minutes.” He handed Amaris to me; she finally stopped crying. Stop crying. WHACK! Stop crying!
“Alright.” I can’t! It felt like I was having another person’s memories; it was a man not a woman, and it didn’t sound like my father and the person crying was a boy.
“If you need me just...get somebody else.” Nathan slammed the down in front of my face.
“Time to be one of us, Amaris.” There was something missing at that moment, a woman with a baby, no man.
“I want my daddy.” I was shocked that Amaris could speak, but I didn’t know that much about babies; just I know the fact that I hated them.
“You can’t.” Then I ran down the rest of the hallway, and covered Amaris’s mouth. You can’t do anything right. These memories did nothing but confuse me. At least at that moment. For some reason Amaris didn’t cry or fight; she moved that was it.
At the operation room:
I closed the door behind me slowly to see if Nathan was there, he wasn’t. But, then he was running to the door, so I opened it. “Come right in master Nathan.” I AM YOUR MASTER. My mother’s voice was back in my head.
“Yep, alright is everything ready?” The doctors in the room nodded their heads to Nathan’s question.
“Place the baby on the table.” It puzzled me that the doctors already knew what to do, and nobody even freaking told them. Did they read minds are something?
“Her name is Amaris Fern. Remember that because that is going to be the name of the new Envy, the destroyer of all life.” I put Amaris on the table. The foul wasn’t scared; she did not even know what was going on. You are a foul, mother, if you call MARKA!
“Alright, Amaris, this won’t hurt a bit.” But, they will hurt you so bad, Kimber, it will be worth it. They then put a needle in the baby’s arm, and she cried and fell down. “Time to operate. If you don’t like blood, commander Kimber, you can turn away now. You have been warned.” You can turn away now because they will tear you into pieces, lots and lots of tiny little pieces.
“I love blood, doctor. I kill people for a living.” I crossed my arms, and looked at the sleeping girl. Her eyes were closed; she didn’t expect a thing about us.
“Alright, Callum hand me the tools.” The man right next to the guy that was talking handed the main doctor a big red box with the word MARKA on it. Those words seemed to be staring at me.
“What exactly do you do to the people that turn into Envy?” I questioned. I felt concerned; I wasn’t supposed to feel this way whatsoever. Aren’t you supposed to be the one that is not scared of anything, even MARKA?
“You will see.” He pulled out a saw, and then studied Amaris. “Commander Kimber, you have one more chance to get out that door.”
“I’m not scared, doctor, stop treating me like a five year old about to go on their first roller coaster.” My arms were still crossed until I heard a new voice in my head. Tyler! What was this nonsense I didn’t care for anyone expect for myself and master. But, something made me envious of the voice of my head.
“Don’t say that I didn’t warn you.” The doctor put on blue gloves on his hands.
“You didn’t need to warn me in the first place, doctor.” Who isn’t scared of MARKA; they kill everybody in their way!
“Are you sure?”
“Doctor, are you doing this because i’m a woman, sexist.” There is nothing you feared you said, Kimber.
“Let’s just make this over with,” said the sexist doctor. That was when I was younger. Stop it. STOP IT! STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was tired of these memories one moment, and ignoring them the other. What was wrong with me?
“Yeah.” You are still as naive as you ever were; that is the only thing that had changed. B*tch, I thought, she told herself that I would always be weak; look at me now, mother. “Time to watch a show.” But, if the doctor made another sexist comment I was going to rip his head off and shove it into Amaris’s mouth and make Callum, if that was the guy’s name next to him, take over the sugery.
“Watch and learn.” The saw, it was evil, pure evil.
“Alright.” You are the one that is naive and stupid, mother, why can’t you see that? You can’t do anything right; that is why I am this way. For some reason I wanted to cry, no I must not cry. MARKA never cried for sadness only for joy and death, two of the same things in our world. No matter what death of a person would bring joy to somebody or something.
“I am ready for this.”
The Power of Love of a Dog~
The Old Man and the Dog
By Catherine Moore
"Watch out! You nearly broad sided that car!" My father yelled at me. "Can't you do anything right?"
Those words hurt worse than blows. I turned my head toward the elderly man in the seat beside me, daring me to challenge him. A lump rose in my throat as I averted my eyes. I wasn't prepared for another battle.
"I saw the car, Dad. Please don't yell at me when I'm driving."
My voice was measured and steady, sounding far calmer than I really felt.
Dad glared at me, then turned away and settled back. At home I left Dad in front of the television and went outside to collect my thoughts. Dark, heavy clouds hung in the air with a promise of rain. The rumble of distant thunder seemed to echo my inner turmoil. What could I do about him?
Dad had been a lumberjack in Washington and Oregon He had enjoyed being outdoors and had reveled in pitting his strength against the forces of nature. He had entered grueling lumberjack competitions, and had placed often.
The shelves in his house were filled with trophies that attested to his powers.
The years marched on relentlessly. The first time he couldn't lift a heavy log, he joked about it; but later that same day I saw him outside alone, straining to lift it. He became irritable whenever anyone teased him about his advancing age, or when he couldn't do something he had done as a younger man.
Four days after his sixty-seventh birthday, he had a heart attack. An ambulance sped him to the hospital while a paramedic administered CPR to keep blood and oxygen flowing.
At the hospital, Dad was rushed into an operating room. He was lucky; he survived... But something inside Dad died. His zest for life was gone He obstinately refused to follow doctor's orders. Suggestions and offers of help were turned aside with sarcasm and insults. The number of visitors thinned, then finally stopped altogether. Dad was left alone.
My husband, Dick, and I asked Dad to come live with us on our small farm. We hoped the fresh air and rustic atmosphere would help him adjust.
Within a week after he moved in, I regretted the invitation. It seemed nothing was satisfactory. He criticized everything I did. I became frustrated and moody. Soon I was taking my pent-up anger out on Dick. We began to bicker and argue..
Alarmed, Dick sought out our pastor and explained the situation. The clergyman set up weekly counseling appointments for us. At the close of each session he prayed, asking God to soothe Dad's
troubled mind.
But the months wore on and God was silent. Something had to be done and it was up to me to do it.
The next day I sat down with the phone book and methodically called each of the mental health clinics listed in the Yellow Pages. I explained my problem to each of the sympathetic voices that answered in vain.
Just when I was giving up hope, one of the voices suddenly exclaimed, "I just read something that might help you! Let me go get the article."
I listened as she read.. The article described a remarkable study done at a nursing home. All of the patients were under treatment for chronic depression. Yet their attitudes had improved dramatically when they were given responsibility for a dog.
I drove to the animal shelter that afternoon. After I filled out a questionnaire, a uniformed officer led me to the kennels. The odor of disinfectant stung my nostrils as I moved down the row of pens. Each contained five to seven dogs. Long-haired dogs, curly-haired dogs, black dogs, spotted dogs all jumped up, trying to reach me. I studied each one but rejected one after the other for various reasons too big, too small, too much hair. As I neared the last pen a dog in the shadows of the far corner struggled to his feet, walked to the front of the run and sat down. It was a pointer, one of the dog world's aristocrats. But this was a caricature of the breed..
Years had etched his face and muzzle with shades of gray. His hipbones jutted out in lopsided triangles. But it was his eyes that caught and held my attention.. Calm and clear, they beheld me unwaveringly.
I pointed to the dog "Can you tell me about him?"
The officer looked, then shook his head in puzzlement. "He's a funny one. Appeared out of nowhere and sat in front of the gate. We brought him in, figuring someone would be right down to claim him. That was two weeks ago and we've heard nothing. His time is up tomorrow.." He gestured helplessly.
As the words sank in I turned to the man in horror. "You mean you're going to kill him?"
"Ma'am," he said gently, "that's our policy. We don't have room for every unclaimed dog."
I looked at the pointer again. The calm brown eyes awaited my decision. "I'll take him," I said..
I drove home with the dog on the front seat beside me. When I reached the house I honked the horn twice. I was helping my prize out of the car when Dad shuffled onto the front porch. "Ta-da! Look what I got for you, Dad!" I said excitedly.
Dad looked, then wrinkled his face in disgust. "If I had wanted a dog I would have gotten one. And I would have picked out a better specimen than that bag of bones. Keep it! I don't want it" Dad waved his arm scornfully and turned back toward the house.
Anger rose inside me It squeezed together my throat muscles and pounded into my temples. "You'd better get used to him, Dad. He's staying!"
Dad ignored me. "Did you hear me, Dad?" I screamed.
At those words Dad whirled angrily, his hands clenched at his sides, his eyes narrowed and blazing with hate.
We stood glaring at each other like duelists, when suddenly the pointer pulled free from my grasp. He wobbled toward my dad and sat down in front of him. Then slowly, carefully, he raised his paw.
Dad's lower jaw trembled as he stared at the uplifted paw. Confusion replaced the anger in his eyes. The pointer waited patiently. Then Dad was on his knees hugging the animal.
It was the beginning of a warm and intimate friendship. Dad named the pointer Cheyenne. Together he and Cheyenne explored the community. They spent long hours walking down dusty lanes. They spent reflective moments on the banks of streams, angling for tasty trout. They even started to attend Sunday services together, Dad sitting in a pew and Cheyenne lying quietly at his feet.
Dad and Cheyenne were inseparable throughout the next three years. Dad's bitterness faded, and he and Cheyenne made many friends. Then late one night I was startled to feel Cheyenne's cold nose burrowing through our bed covers. He had never before come into our bedroom at night. I woke Dick, put on my robe and ran into my father's room. Dad lay in his bed, his face serene. But his spirit had left quietly sometime during the night.
Two days later my shock and grief deepened when I discovered Cheyenne lying dead beside Dad's bed.. I wrapped his still form in the rag rug he had slept on. As Dick and I buried him near a favorite fishing hole, I silently thanked the dog for the help he had given me in restoring Dad's peace of mind.
The morning of Dad's funeral dawned overcast and dreary. This day looks like the way I feel, I thought, as I walked down the aisle to the pews reserved for family. I was surprised to see the many friends Dad and Cheyenne had made filling the church. The pastor began his eulogy. It was a tribute to both Dad and the dog who had changed his life. And then the pastor turned to Hebrews 13:2. "Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it."
"I've often thanked God for sending that angel," he said.
For me, the past dropped into place, completing a puzzle that I had not seen before: the sympathetic voice that had just read the right article....
Cheyenne 's unexpected appearance at the animal shelter. .. ..his calm acceptance and complete devotion to my father. . and the proximity of their deaths. And suddenly I understood. I knew that God had answered my prayers after all.
Robin Williams' shenanigans comes to mind, particularly the time when he appeared on an episode of The Tonight Show when it was last hosted by Conan O'Brien, just after NBC had announced they had cancelled his contract to host the show.
On the episode (as seen on YouTube in the link), Robin Williams stood up and started dancing an impromptu Irish jig, and sang to the NBC executives, "FUCK THE BASTARDS, THEY CAN'T TAKE A JOKE!"
The moment we cannot laugh at ourselves is the moment we begin to die, because we show how sick we truly are. Humor, sarcasm, mockery, satire, etc., are ALL part of a healthy society and culture.
They have been, and always will be.
We don't want to become like Daesh, do we - those Middle Eastern terrorist extremists which are so rigidly-right-wing-radical-religious that they can't take a joke, and decapitate anyone whom disagrees!?
We DO NOT want to become like them, do we?
NO!
We DO NOT!
So mock away!
Charlie Hebdo, anyone?
I'll fire the first salvo:
• Pet Crematory Unsure If Pot-Bellied Pet Pigs Were Barbecued
• Pet Crematory Denies Burning Pussy Is Public Health Problem
• Pet Crematory Says Smoking Hot Body Was A Bitch
• Pet Crematory Fire Occurs Day After Ash Wednesday: Local Church Denies Involvement
• Chicken Overcooked in Pet Crematory Fire
• Fire Marshall Declares "Free Food Day" For Homeless Following Pet Crematory Fire
Pet Crematory Accidentally Burns Dead Animals For Free
Investigators Sift Through Charred Remains
NOWTHEN, MN - An early morning fire of unknown origin saved many residents money when a fire burned a pet crematory in the early morning hours. Firefighters on scene said no injuries were reported, and investigators will later sift through the rubble for a possible cause.
The aroma of burning pets, however, aroused area vagrants, some of whom drove to the site mistakenly seeking a community cook-out.
As police held off the homeless seeking free food, firefighters arrived shortly to extinguish the ashes of pet poodles, potbellied pigs, purloined Pomeranians and pussies which had apparently been burnt to a crisp… all without charge.
Owner Pyralis Adroushan, who arrived shortly after firefighters, said, “Fortunately for us, we won’t lose much. And yes, I’m going to charge those pets’ owners for their cremation. They were burned, weren’t they? After all, we’re in the burning business.”
“But I just don’t know how we’re going to start all over again,” added Pyralis Adroushan. “I guess we can find some matches, lighter fluid, and bag of charcoal at the convenience store.”
Adrousahn has owned the business for over 15 years, and purchased it from Py Roma Niac, who was convicted of arson, and imprisoned shortly after the sale.
Law Enforcement Authorities said no lives were lost, and authorities on scene said no injuries were reported.
One homeless man who refused to give his name said, “The whole town smelt delicious! I thought they was having a cookout, which is why I had done come down here in the dead of night.”
He was last seen walking away holding two bottles of barbecue sauce, a loaf of bread, and six-pack of beer.