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This is my second instalment for the CPTSD collection, the purpose of this is to highlight not only the cruelty of constant name calling, but just how it sticks in the mind. Even as I typed, printed and stuck these all over the wall, the memories come back. School bullies, toxic relationships, toxic family members, internet trolls, tyrannical bosses, the list goes on and on. One thing is for sure, bullying, in no matter what format it may occur, you never forget it.
Now you're probably wondering about the mask, well, this photo nails two aspects in one, not only bullying in the form of name calling and/or put downs, but also a type of coping mechanism. As a way to handle the constant onslaught of verbal abuse, a young mind such as a child, will adopt a idiosyncratic identity, like a virtual character mask, i.e. act like a clown anyway and the real identity beneath is protected; but of course this has a huge back firing aspect, the true identity behind and the coping mechanism are all one and the same thing, bullies also then start to see you more so as the clown/freak they think you already are, so in essence, you become what they perceive you as, and the bullying just gets worse.
And of course, when you act like a clown, no one really takes you seriously when you complain about said bullying, as many now see you as the instigator, even though it was designed to help cope with it all, but the question remains, how the bloody hell is a bullied child supposed to explain that?!
I hope everyone is well and as always, thank you. :)
PS: been a bit slow putting up new material as I have been dealing with yet another episode of depression this week. Urgh! Which will more than likely be the subject of my next photo.
To begin with, the collection for CPTSD is not designed to be photogenic, nor pretty, nor remotely aesthetic, it's designed to spread awareness, prove a point and bring about better understanding of those who live with Trauma. These will get more positive as I go on.
However, this one is in line with what happened to me when I was sectioned under the mental health act here in Berlin. I'd had a serious and explosive depressive episode that was both rage state and alcohol induced (by the way, I've been sober now for over 3 and a half years). I was arrested at home by the Polizei who cuffed me at gun point, made false allegations against me, tied me up in the back of an ambulance in front of everyone, asked me questions in English but when I tried to answer them they burst out laughing saying they only spoke German, this teasing and taunting carried on all the way to the hospital including from the paramedic.
I ended up at the Alexianer Psyche Ward in Berlin, I was un-cuffed and left in tears on the floor of the corridor, whilst nurses and doctors went about their business as if I didn't exist! Thereafter for 2 weeks, I witnessed patients being stepped over, tied down onto gurneys in tears and distress. I saw another patient who was clearly extremely disturbed in an isolation room, pounding on the walls, screaming at the top of his voice and the staff completely ignored him.
Another patient who I learned, her baby boy had died of cot death, was left screaming and crying the whole night through, NO ONE attended to her, despite her distress. Another head of department who was so rude and arrogant, had my best friend in tears when she tried to explain my situation, I witnessed another patient outside of the ward, lost and obviously confused, when I tried to summon help I was told to mind my own business and basically go away.
Thanks to overcrowding, I was in a room of a guy on one side who snored like a pig and another who smelt like he hadn't showered in weeks, I was sleep deprived for over 5 nights. When I complained I was laughed at. Let me tell you for free, the Alexianer as I am sure many other psyche wards are basically glorified prisons, to put head cases away in a sort of, out of sight and out of mind practice, a nurse I spoke said as much and agreed with my sentiments.
There is barely not a thing to do, patients wondered up and down corridors completely bored and unattended to and they call this treatment, another patient with a deformed club foot and severely mentally handicapped, stomped up and down the corridor, pissed all over the floor and stomped away again, I had to summon help myself as no one was looking after said patient. That same patient would try desperately to force open the main door to try and get out, but of course it was electronically locked, but her distress was obvious, hence the idea of the photo.
In the corridor one patient would lick the walls, another would shout about being Hannibal Lector and demanding to know, "who the fuck was Alice" yes, this actually happened! The nurses were arrogant and cold toward the patients, I once was denied food as I have a very restrictive diet and mocked about it, my special order hadn't arrived and their excuse? "It's Easter, tough!"
As the saying goes, "You want to drive someone mad, put them in a mental home!" It's incredible no one takes that expression seriously, nor really looked into that and patient abuse, which is in fact a human rights violation, thrives in places where a victim has no voice; out of sight, out of mind!
Thank you for your time.
Sershul Tekchen Dargyeling སེར་ཤུལ་ ཏེཀ་ ཆེན་ དར་ གྱེ་ གླིང་ is an important monastery of the Gelukpa School, located 20 km west of Deongma, on the right side of the road. This is currently the largest monastery in Sershul county, with 1200-1300 monks divided into six colleges, under the guidance of the youthful but charismatic Drukpa Rinpoche. The rain retreat festival held in August is a magnificent spectacle, attracting nomad communities. The hills and grasslands around the monastery are sparse and spacious. The complex was founded as a branch of Chunkor but soon outgrew the latter. The recently restored buildings at Sershul, which are all near the motor road, include the Tsokchen (assembly hall), the Jamkhang (Maitreya temple), the Gonkhang (protector temple), the Dewachen Lhakhang (Amitabha temple), the Mentsikhang (where Mipham Rinpoche`s tradition is maintained), the college, a Mani Wheel chapel (containing three wheels constructed by the father of the present Drukpa Rinpoche) and a small guesthouse. A new Tsongkhapa Lhakhang, resembling a giant cathedral, has been constructed below the main complex, and was due for completion and consecration on 12 December, 2008.
The Whitey Wall Man
Meet him again my best friend, Azhar, i missed shooting him, huhu, visit his photostream to know him more :)
"Friend, is a collection of hearts, ready to give, share and understand. It never fades and never ends. It only reminds us life is not perfect without a friend"
Recent potraiture of him :
My grand daughter on the river Thames at Benson, Oxon. My first attempt at potraiture.
(thanks for no 2 in explore 11/09/2016)
Charlette [Nikon D40] : 18-55m
f/6.3, 1/160 sec., ISO-200, 24mm
Model : My sister, Paige.
Day 10 of 30 Days of Thanks
I have just finished my last test yesterday , after all it is a yeay!, as i'm promising to myself i'll continue doing my editing so here it come a picture of my old friends from my high school that found his new hobby which is playing violin, Voila arul! A bit about this picture the one on the right side is slightly out of focus as i maintained my spot metering to do this potrait as well but this kid never keep her face right , so this is the best that i can do and i hope that you guys can enjoy it!! have a great weekend fellas! :)
model : puteri balqhis iman
taken by : me
edited by : me
theme : potraiture-classic
location : living room,my house
tool : canon eos 400d
i took this pic like a few days ago.
she's my lil sister n she's so cute!!! :)
i want this pic to look classy n this is my 1st time :)
It is a basic human right to defend your life and the life of your family should they be in imminent mortal danger. For those who choose to do so, it is their responsibility to learn how to safely carry and use a firearm... It is my goal to make sure people do not take this responsibility lightly and teach them to pray that, every time they holster their pistol, they need never have to use it.
Strobist: Full setup information detailed in this picture.
After i collect my identity card, i meet a couple from Iran. Amir ngan his wife.
They come visit Putrajaya for awhile. Nice to meet you guys :)