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..and then it’s over. The moment is gone, the mood has passed and I awake from those tattered dreams. Standing alone. Standing over all that I’ve done; all that I should not have done.
Sometimes there is silence. Sometimes voices: angry voices.
‘you always ruin everything’
Those words chase me up the street even now.
Sometimes there are voices. Sometimes silence: shocked silence.
People like me don’t do those things. Not things like that. They don’t say those words; they just don’t do those things. And yet, there it is. The movement, the shock, the impact, the pain, the memory and the moment, all passed in blood red seconds. Remembered for years by them, forgotten before they begin by me.
They walk away; away from me. From what I have done and from what I might do. Eyes seek horizons and hands are closed, fear and loathing. An unwanted perception covers me, smothers me and I hate them for it. I hate me for it and I cannot fight it, I cannot be seen in any other way. I cannot see. I did not see. I do not remember and it burns me to say it. I hate him.
Distance spins out in seconds; words of tradition lose their meaning in repetition. Familiar patterns of sparks, angles and cutting edges, of sharp turns and blind alleys. Blind rage. I blaze through normality. I alone burn that way while the victim shouts and falls. The witnesses stop and stare. The page crackles at my touch but it is me who burns. Alone.
Shunned.
I am left alone with the feelings, with that goddamned torrent of emotions. I am left to spit and choke on the acrid aftertaste of anger. I am left alone to feel another drawn out retch of regret moving beneath my meagre ribs. That regret that will build and form and swell into resentment, ready for the next spark. For me there can be no sympathy. There is no moral high ground, no pride, no more respect. Not for them. Never for me.
People like me don’t do those things.
People like me do those things.
We hate ourselves for it. I hate myself for it. But we do those things.
Time is the healer. How much time until the next time? Time is the healer. Memory fades and moments dwindle. Time is the healer. Until the next time…
Frozen - The ever popular Disney movie is now available in my shop. See my profile for my Etsy shop.
Signed by Anton Shkaplerov at the ASE XXVIII Planetary Congress in Stockholm in September. His 8-year-old daughter's Olaf served as the Soyuz TMA-15M crew's zero-G indicator.
Also signed by Josh Gad, the voice of Olaf, through his home office. Sent 1 Oct, received back today (21 Dec. 2015) Rather appropriate received it back the first official day of winter.
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"I felt like lying down by the side of the trail and remembering it all. The woods do that to you, they always look familiar, long lost, like the face of a long-dead relative, like an old dream, like a piece of forgotten song drifting across the water, most of all like golden eternities of past childhood or past manhood and all the living and the dying and the heartbreak that went on a million years ago and the clouds as they pass overhead seem to testify (by their own lonesome familiarity) to this feeling."
— Jack Kerouac (The Dharma Bums)
this is probably going to be changed to be a part of my 52 weeks, i really love it. changed.
this is lauren :D CHECK HER OUT: www.flickr.com/photos/65843846@N08/
she has the most gorgeous eyes.
this is from yesterday, we went up in the woods together to take pictures.
Abbi xo
#3: This is my best friend, her name is Lauren.
Model | 厉澍雯 LI SHUWEN
Photography | MXU （ linktr.ee/mxu_concept ）（Instagram.com/mxu_concept）
Makeup and hair | 艺林 YI LIN
photo retouch | Letitgo
2023.11.16
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The base and figure assembled, and standing up. The Elsa figure is about 8 inches high and 6 inches wide, with the base 8 inches in diameter. The magnetic closure is very secure. You can can pick up the figure with the base attached, and when you move it around, the base doesn't wiggle at all.
I bought the newly released Disney Parks Small Snow Queen Elsa Figurine from the China Closet shop in Disneyland on Sunday August 2, 2015. I saw her in the Emporium and the China Closet. She costs $49.95, the same price as the other Disney Parks small figurines that have been recently released. She comes in a plain white box, with the base and figure in separate plastic bags and encased in styrofoam.
She and the base are made of resin, and her cape is made of cloth. She is about 8'' tall, and is attached to the separate snowflake base by two very strong magnets. Unfortunately, she cannot free stand when separated from the base, as she has a magnetic post that sticks out underneath, that mates with a magnetic hole in the base. The bottom of the base is lined with felt, and also has six felt feet.
Her paint job is very good, as is her likeness to the animated character. Her arms are out stretched as in the climatic part of her Let It Go scene from the movie. She has glitter on her painted outfit, which does shed a bit. However her organza cape is glitter free. Instead, the cape has embedded silver metallic strands making it glittery. There are small defects on the face of my Elsa figure, and also on her right shoulder. But they are not severe enough to detract from the overall look of the figure, which I like very much.
At half the price of the similarly designed and sized Bradford Exchange Snow Queen Elsa figurine, the Disney Parks version is a much better designed and made figure. I show both of them side by side, so they can be compared.
Well, I had the very first lecture of this year this morning. I really enjoyed it. Janne and I were there so early that we had to wait for like half an hour before the lecture started. It's all because that the professor said there might be not enough seats for all the students in the lecture hall. It's always great to see the people I know again, to listen to their summer stories, and to laugh together during the lecture :D.
I went to a cafe with Meike and her girlfriend because we had 2 free hours in between 2 lectures. The "lazy noon" coffee really saved me from sleepiness and hunger!
The most memorable moment today was that Meike shouted at some Dutch guys who had shouted at me, "China!" when we were on the way to Zernike. Those guys were so stupid but honestly I didn't care much about that. Meike said that it's also her first time to do so. She said everyone thought any Asian people here were Chinese, it's so stupid. I thought she was so cool!
I was so damn tired today! :((