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“It'll be okay." She didn't know if it would be okay or not. She somehow doubted it, but what else was there to say?”
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The boundaries between life and death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where one ends and where the other begins? —EDGAR ALLAN POE
Explored #27
always the way though.
things become too painful, and we choose to look the other way.
it helps. to feign ignorance. to pretend everything is okay.
it's not though.
is it?
* update on life* all is well in the little world of me, i'm surviving at work, and taking on design work for my boss which is great, if not a little stressful. finally getting to use my skills in the workplace is an awesome feeling. i get less and less time to take photos lately, or maybe its just that i can never find the motivation. i'm off sick from work today which is the only reason some shots got taken. i don't look too hot however! anyway enough babbling, i hope all is well with everyone i continually fail to keep in touch with but think about often here on flickr, lots of love. h x
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All the balls have dropped ...
And so have a few out there ... ;)
But ...
"There's got to be a morning after ..."*
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Before (the movie) "The Titanic" .... and for those of the younger group out there ...this song was from the movie "The Poseidon Adventure" ... about a cruise ship on New Year's Eve that gets turned upside down ... and all that ensues with the passengers trying to make it "up" to the bottom of the boat, which is now at the top ... sort of like when life turns upside down, and you find yourself living in an alternate universe ... where everything that used to be so "right" ... is now completely upside down. Or maybe that's just me ... ;)
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Make it a good year, because only you can do so ...
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For 365 and FGR - Vignette-..erm.....well....lets just go with "Vignette".
12/29/08
They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven even... no
Breakeven by the Script.
Always loved the song.
I'm really okay, people. I promise.
I know I've been really sad and morose lately.
I do apologize. :-) *hugs*
Funny story about this: There was no place for me in the hospital. So they take me to the maternity ward. All happy people with newborn babies. When they drive me to the OR I was yelling " the Childbirth has been started! ". We have laughed a lot and after the surgery I said: " I have a boy, I have a boy !! "
I'm coming back Soon !
(read tags and notes )
I'm late to this party, but here's some quick(ish) shots of the rest of my Jem and The Holograms Onstage Collections dolls. There's one more Pizzazz, but I don't have an extra body for her yet.
102/365 51/52 I originally had something else planned. It wasn't a very original idea at all, but it spiraled into this, and I'm so so happy.
These three photos were taken within minutes of each other. I love showing you all my train of thought.
Today is a really personal day for me, and not for reasons that most would think.. I'm going to do my best to not be a recluse.
I'm late to this party, but here's some quick(ish) shots of the rest of my Jem and The Holograms Onstage Collections dolls. There's one more Pizzazz, but I don't have an extra body for her yet.
I feel like this is what a lot of people do anymore. When someone asks how we're doing, we say, "I'm okay," or, "I'm fine." even if we're not. I feel like we all put on a happy face and say we're alright. Even if we're secretly crossing our fingers while we say it.
listen: And Run- He is We
8/30/09 (taken 8/29/2009)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqt5yz9skY0
I photographed my first wedding yesterday since Chris took his own life a couple of weeks ago. The groom's name was Chris. It was strange, but I was okay. I really was. I really am.
Sometimes I have moments when I wonder if I am not mourning properly. Maybe I should be more upset? Cry a little bit more than I do? Because I really haven't cried very much. I grieved Chris and our marriage some time before this tragedy. I don't know if I have any more sorrow in me. Quite the opposite, actually. I feel completely ready to move on. I am looking forward to meeting new people and doing things that perhaps I wasn't able to do as a married woman taking care of someone with so many problems. I am ready to live my life for ME for a change. I have a lot of guilt issues over this, but I'm told those will subside. I hope so, because I'm ready to start living.
Part of a series of beautiful stained glass windows in one of the "underpasses" along the High Line; each panel represents a single pixel point in a single photograph of the surface of the Hudson river. The photographs were taken once every minute during a tugboat journey down the river and the panes of glass were arranged chronologically, left to right, top to bottom.
The artist's name is Spencer Finch, and I congratulate him on a good idea, well-executed.
it's hard not knowing what to do, photographically speaking.
i decided to print my fav photos and put them in this mobile i bought sometime ago.
i like it. i'm trying to re-decorate my room, but it seems pointless, considering i'm moving back to Santiago on March.
i feel weird. i've always been a maniac when it comes to everything being nice and tidy, and my room right now it's MESSY. and i won't even mention my closet. i just don't feel like doing anything. i'm bored, but i'm not doing anything to feel better about that.
and i don't feel like talking either. it's so hard to make words come out from my mouth.
why do i always focus on what's wrong with me?
why do i don't like feeling better?
why does something telling me this is not me?
that this is just temporary?
"wait till you go away, i'll come back and live with you. sweetie." (that's my depression talking)
shut up!
please
I took this over winter break and forgot I had it. I'm not that crazy about it, but I like the red and figured I'd upload it anyway.
On the day of my oldest son's 18th birthday, I remember thinking about what I felt like when I turned 18. As I dried my hair, it all of a sudden hit me, much like a sucker punch, that he was more or less through needing me.
And I cried.
It was the first time I remembered crying at what is usually a happy event. I've never been one of those mothers who cried at all the various milestones.
When my boys were babies and they first walked, it was amazing. I didn't cry. When my sons first started school, it was exciting. I didn't cry. When they lost their first tooth, it was fun playing the part of the Tooth Fairy. I didn't cry.
This evening, I worked on booking my youngest son's flight to college later in August.
And I cried.
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May 14, 2010 I wrote,
"Last day of school.
Party in first hour.
Surprise party at lunch!
My class family is the best ever and I already miss them so so much!
Then in choir Mr. Clay had the choir surround me and sing the Irish Blessing. It was sad (and awkward) to say the least, haha. Then we got to sing I Will Rise.
I've never cried so much in my life.
Leaving Jordan behind was the hardest thing ever."
And now, it's one year later.
One year.
One year after I moved; left behind my friends and my family. My life.
I miss you guys so much. So so much. You don't even know.
Most of the time I've gotten over what I left behind, but occasionally all the emotions appear from nowhere and come crashing down, leaving the victim defensless.
Tonight is one of those nights. This morning is one of those mornings.
It's so hard to watch people that were once your life live on without you. Friends move on and even when you dreamed that you would grow up together and be in each other's weddings and live life with each other's friendship, they fall apart. And no longer having a friend like that is the single worst feeling in the world, I'm sure of it. That coupled with the feeling that you're alone--of actually being alone--no one should have to go through that.
Today is going to be a hard day. It's going to be filled with months of memory. Just my thoughts and myself (which is the worst combination) and no escape, no way to keep my mind off what happened.
I'm sorry. I didn't want you to worry. I still don't want you to worry. I'll be fine eventually, I promise. After today, and after I fall asleep, and after the calendar has transitioned to the 15th, I'll be okay.
I'm okay. I'm okay.
he actually cut his thumb on some sharp grass, but doesn't seem to upset about it.
copyright © 2011 sean dreilinger
view injury, or cherry juice? - MG 5134 JPG on a black background.
We dropped by Ben's old apartment on Saturday night, after a yummy Mexican dinner, to pick up some mail that had come for him there. One of his ex-roommates has a Maker-Bot. It sings!
but I'm OKAY!
After my big adventure w/ Max, Go & Mo, my throat wasn't doing so well. We attempted 2 clinics, both closed until Monday. It seemed to make sense to hit the emerg.
Waiting times for non-urgent patients 4-5 HOURS.
Luckily they thought I was urgent, and found out I wasn't. So only 3 hours total before they sent me home to gargle.