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driving down the taconic parkway this morning, on a part of the highway that's three lanes of fast-moving traffic, i saw something that didn't break my heart, but tore it wide open.
a mother goose stepped out into the right lane, followed by 6 or 7 goslings. right into traffic. into certain death.
i saw this in a flash, and i passed them before i saw anything happen; in my rearview mirror, as i shouted "can'tlookcan'tlookcan'tlook," i saw a car swerve.
and then i lost it. i started to cry. and not a sentimental tear in the eye, but full-on crying, water streaming down my face. the raw emotion of it was startling to me, scary even. and this was two and a half hours ago, mind you, and i pretty much haven't stopped crying since. birds are a totem animal to me, i see myself in them, or rather the spirit of who i strive to be. and suddenly, in this raw state, i felt everything, in a raw, visceral way. i cried for the pizza-place owner who died suddenly the other day out where my uncle is staying; i cried for the people dying in the middle east; i cried for egg theorem, who had his own scary moment recently; i cried for a friend of mine who just found out that a friend of hers died young; i cried for the loss of love within the living in my own family.
i had no filter. i cried for everything.
but mostly i cried for those baby birds. who never had a chance. yes, this kind of thing happens all the time. and yes, by their death, a turkey vulture (my favorite bird) may live. but i started to think about what the hell i was doing there in my car, on that asphalt road, barrelling along. aren't we supposed to be the custodians of this planet? what the fuck are we doing?
i never thought i would say this -- there's nothing i love more than a good cheeseburger -- but i honestly do not know if i can eat meat again. the intensity of my reaction to what happened is too strong to ignore, and it has to mean more than the single "shit happens" event of the moment. i just don't think i can conveniently set aside my passion for animals the next time i sit down to dinner.
i don't know. i'm weak. i'm lazy.
all i know is, i can't seem to stop crying.
January 28, 2009
so i was going through my inbox and i read a bunch of texts from christian. they made me remember why he was so important to me, and they make me miss the guy i thought he was. and you may ask why i dont just delete them, and the truth is i really dont now why. i always keep things longer than i should and i do tend to be afriad of change.. and most of what they say are things that every girl loves to hear. but now i am begining to think they are all lies. im just not sure what to do. so what do you think?
also. somehow i started thinking about my ex tyler. oh how i miss him. technically we never broke up but i havent seen him in over 6 months.
A week or so ago Mary and I were at the grocery store and saw a little wiener dog crying in the car next to us. Mary said she thought she'd like to have a dog like that and the very next morning this little guy was on our back porch dirty, flea ridden, and scrounging for scraps of food. Someone had dropped him off, apparently due to his chewing habit. He now owes me a $60 pair of headphones.... Good thing he's cute. He's not a full fledged dachshund, but that's what he seems to resemble the most. We're glad to add him to our family, but for some reason we can't come up with a name for the little guy. Any suggestions?
Update: I'm always callin' him weenie boy, so we decided to put the two together and we get Weebo!
The other day, I told Nia I couldn't live with her anymore. So I went and took photos of me being homeless and sad. Took a couple quick snippets, added some rain.
I coulda done better on the tears and crying.
Kashmiri woman cries near a body of Fayaz Ahmad 9unseen) during his funeral preparations in Srinagar on September 18, 2010. Fayaz was injured during an anti-India protest on September 14 and succumbed to his injuries in a hospital. Police fired on fresh anti-India demonstrations in Kashmir on Saturday, killing three protesters and bringing the number of civilian deaths in an unprecedented wave of unrest to 102. The new deaths came as thousands of Kashmiris poured on to the streets shouting "Go back India" and "We want freedom" as New Delhi grappled to find ways to end the escalating pro-independence demonstrations. Women and children joined young men staging protests, defying curfews imposed across the mainly Muslim region to contain the spiralling unrest
I only cry once a decade so I decided to take a pic. suck my big fat dick. I defy you not to cry after watching this youtu.be/mH5ZE3N8cxU
Kashmiri woman cries near a body of Fayaz Ahmad 9unseen) during his funeral preparations in Srinagar on September 18, 2010. Fayaz was injured during an anti-India protest on September 14 and succumbed to his injuries in a hospital. Police fired on fresh anti-India demonstrations in Kashmir on Saturday, killing three protesters and bringing the number of civilian deaths in an unprecedented wave of unrest to 102. The new deaths came as thousands of Kashmiris poured on to the streets shouting "Go back India" and "We want freedom" as New Delhi grappled to find ways to end the escalating pro-independence demonstrations. Women and children joined young men staging protests, defying curfews imposed across the mainly Muslim region to contain the spiralling unrest
Last weekend, I visited my cousin, Strawberry Cuteness and we went shopping at Rotofugi (the best store ever) !
I got this adorable Tokidoki Cactus Pup and sausage! :D
As we were watching the parade, a little girl was with her mother and couldn't be consoled. The noise. The commotion. It was a lot for her.
Senior Christine Abou-Mitri performs on the balance beam at the National Tournament at Cleveland State University's Wolstein Center on Friday. She earned a 9.650 and helped her team earn a 48.300 on the balance beam.